Life with Boys (2011) s01e16 Episode Script
Hitting the Breaks with Boys
This stuff is terrible for you, but perfect for you, babe.
For you, babe.
Babe.
You were right.
You are the better person.
Aww, poor baby.
Why are you still in bed? Aww, come on.
This is such a good dream! Get up! Get out! Get up! Get out! Get up! Get up! Get up! Get out.
Get out.
Get out.
Look, I know you're still upset about Bobby, but sleeping the day away isn't the answer.
It's 6:02 Monday morning.
I'm not upset about Bobby.
I'm upset I told you you're always welcome in our house.
That's just your broken heart talking.
My heart isn't broken! He's a jerk.
I'm better off without him.
Now, either you let me go back to sleep or I tell the world you fart when you're mad.
I do not! Darn it! Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Seriously? You don't think I'll tell your smelly little secret? Fine, and then I'll tell the world you watch Teletubbies when you're sick.
Oh, yes, I'll go there.
Now listen, instead of beating yourself up, might I suggest you beat the be-jeebies out of Spencer's Mr.
Boppo.
Or should I say Mr.
Bob-bo! Allie Listen to me, you'll never be emotionally ready to date another guy until you've healed from the pain of this one.
Now let that anger out.
You won't leave 'til I do this, will you? Nope.
Fine.
He's the guy who lied to you because of a stupid baseball game.
And go! You can do better than that! He's the guy who cared so much about you, he got another girl's phone number before you could even download a Taylor Swift break-up song! And he's the guy who updated his online relationship status last night to "Tess Foster: glad I lost her.
" He didn't! With a big smiley face emoticon! Emoticon this! Be quiet.
Some of us are try No! Mr.
Boppo! Why? Why? Sorry, Spence.
Look at him! He can't even have an open casket now! It's okay, Mr.
Boppo.
Shh.
Feels like I'm caught in the middle Drama comes with every new day So far to fall Walking the tightrope But I wouldn't have it any other way We're gonna put one foot in front of the other Get tripped up and step on one another We move ahead and try to keep it on track 'Cause we know we got each other's back Don't need to fight it No need to deny It's a crazy life, a random life A wonderful life Now, those driver test guys want to see your hands at "ten" and "two".
"Ten" and "two".
None of this low-riding, one hand on the wheel, one hand waving to the shorties, suburban gangsta-wannabe stuff.
You do that this afternoon and we are dead, absolutely dead! "We"? I'm the one taking the test.
A pointless distinction.
Do you mind? We're having a conversation here.
Tara, wait! Ah, let her go.
We can do better.
Focus.
Once you pass that test, Dad's going to make you drive me places which, if my calculations are correct, will make me 12% to Ah! You may want to recalculate.
Since you've just broken up with Bobby, anybody who's been wanting to ask you out is going to make their move today.
You really think so? Absolutely.
Just don't be upset if the quality of guy is disappointing at first.
Sometimes you have to cut through the ground chuck to get to the prime rib.
And hello, prime rib! Wow.
Tess, you want to hang out this weekend? Well, I'll just leave you two alone.
I'd love to! But, no.
No? No? No.
I just I'm not ready to date again.
I'm sorry.
That's cool.
I'll see you around.
What are you doing? You've had a crush on him since nap time in preschool when you drooled on one of the new mats and he took the blame.
I had over-active salivary glands! And now you've over-active stupidity glands.
Look, we got your anger out, you're ready to date, now go find him and say yes! Darn it! But, Tess Allie, would you drop it already? I'm not doing it.
Why not? I'm afraid, okay? I just don't want to get hurt again.
Look, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have pressured you.
You take as much time as you need, okay? Hey, Tess, you want to go to The Blend after school? I think that's enough time, don't you? No.
Sorry.
Maybe another time.
Sure.
She's a complicated girl.
Don't give up.
Try again after lunch.
Now, scoot.
Okay.
Sorry, Jared.
Maybe another time.
Sorry, Nick.
Maybe another time.
Okay.
Sorry, Tim.
Maybe another You know, I just don't get this.
Neither do I.
I mean, I expected a couple guys to ask you out, but this is ridiculous.
I mean, you're attractive, but not 's Berry Farm is an amusement park in California.
We should go sometime! You might want to think about going now.
Don't look at me like that.
I breathed life into you and I can suck it out again, Mister.
Where are they? Gabe's driver's test should've been over an hour ago.
Guess which one came out of my belly button and which one came from between my toes.
Belly button.
Toes.
How could you know that? Please.
I've shared a bunk bed with you for the last six years.
I'm intimately familiar with all your smells.
Well, how'd it go? My boy got the highest score in the history of this city and was awarded a platinum license, which entitles him to a lifetime supply of gasoline! Or, I waited for an hour in the teacher's parking lot and he never showed up.
Your choice.
Check it.
That cute barista at The Blend named a drink after me.
"The Gabe-accino": bold, hot and irresistible.
Are you sure you don't mean forgetful, aggravating and irresponsible? Did you guys want drinks too? Did you guys want drinks too? You forgot our driver's test! Oh, man, how could I have spaced out like that? Well, now it's going to take weeks before I can get another appointment.
Which is exactly what you deserve.
But since I deserve a break from chauffeuring you kids around, I got you another appointment next Saturday.
"Thanks, Dad, I'm so lucky to have a father like you!" No, it's just I have plans on Saturday.
Plans? Do they involve you, a locked room and a hungry crocodile? 'Cause mine do! Listen, Gabe, I've waited 16 years for you to help out around here and I'm not going to wait another day.
So, you can fig Fine, I will take the stupid test.
"Stupid test"? I don't get it.
I do.
He's afraid of blowing it.
Gabe? Afraid? Trust me.
He's my kid.
I can smell it.
No, that's my toe jam or belly button fuzz.
Good morning, Westfield Wolfpack.
Today's lunch special is beef stew.
Donations for the clothing drive are still being accepted.
And Tess Foster, will you please go out with me? It's Jeff Baker.
This is insane! Not to mention totally demoralizing! I'm here too, Jeff! Hey, Tess.
Lovely, but no.
I knew I should have gone electric.
Hey, Tess.
Look, I'm sorry, but there's no way I'm going to go on a date with you Wow, that is so gross, I forgot what I was going to say.
Hey, Tess, we've lost something and maybe you could help us find it.
Yeah, what? All the available boys! What do you think you're doing, Foster? I've been flirting with Jeff Baker for two months and then he asks you out? And why is that her fault? Because she said no to Connor McGill "with the looks that kill" and now every guy wants to be the one that she finally says yes to! Wow, it is your fault.
I haven't broken a guy's heart in 24 hours! It's like suddenly my life has no meaning.
Can't you just pick one of them and take yourself off the market! Look, I would, but after Bobby Mama needs a heart to squash and she needs it now.
What Mama needs is a breath mint.
Don't and you're dead to us.
Sorry, there was a vote.
No girl in our class will ever talk to you again.
Oh, come on, guys.
You won't really freeze me out, will you? Allie, it's been days and still they won't talk to me.
Why don't they get that, since the break-up, I'm emotionally delicate, sensitive, a tiny, fragile Derek from homeroom wanted Get out! Little butterfly.
You're the only friend I have left.
Allie? Terrific.
Just because I'm not ready to date again, my best friend has to sneak into my house to see me.
Not anymore.
They just spotted my butt coming in through your window and now I'm being flushed down the social toilet with you.
Why did I have to wear the jeans with the bedazzled "badonkadonk"? Okay, that's it.
They win.
It's bad enough they're doing this to me, but I can't let them do this to you.
You mean you're actually going to call one of those guys and say yes? I could never ask you to do that.
Thanks, but I really didn't expect you to buy my drink.
And I really didn't expect you to order a large.
Hey, check it out.
"Harry, how long have we been married?" "Five of the most wonderful years of my life.
And 45 years of absolute agony.
" That's terrible.
Do it again.
See those two cute girls? You had to go right for the two cute girls, just like Bobby! They're, like, six years old! And absolutely adorable! Who wants an apple crumble? My treat! Pull it together, girl.
You're blowing it! Now turn around and smile.
No! No! Oh, man.
So, are you ready for that driver's test this morning? Of course you are! Why am I even asking? But are you? Now, those are the words of a winner.
Now, what look are you going for in your photo, confident smile or brooding ladies' man? Guess who gets to wear Allie's brand new super-sparkly earrings-of-the-month club earrings? I do.
Which means you get to wear last month's! Whoa, Tess, you are not a morning person.
Oh no.
Please tell me you're not in your cocoon of confusion.
I'm not.
I'm in my window of what-the-heck-am-I-gonna-do? What do you mean, what the heck are you gonna do? You're gonna go out with Connor and save us from living the rest of our lives in Loserville! But I'm just not ready! Well, get yourself ready! Oh no, she is gone.
I guess I will give up.
I'm getting really sick of you knowing everything about me.
Great news! I was just upstairs with Gabe when I very casually brought up the driver's test and he sounded as confident as I've ever heard him.
Really? What were his exact words? Wow.
I know.
When I left, he was even shaving with your new razor.
My what? Nothing.
Point is, he's totally ready to take that test.
I can't take the test.
Really? You accidentally cut yourself shaving There's no way that I'm taking my driver's license picture looking like this.
Darn it.
Well, I'm going to go hang out at Kyle's.
Here we go again.
I think someone needs to have a chat with him.
I'll try and be gentle.
Sit.
Hey, Gabe, you know you can tell me anything.
There's nothing to tell.
I cut myself shaving.
See you later.
Gabe, hold on.
Come on, you didn't cut yourself shaving.
First, my new razor my new razor is gentle enough to shave the fuzz off a peach without breaking the skin.
Plus, blood doesn't smell like ketchup.
I just can't take that test, Dad.
Listen, kiddo, I know you're afraid you're going to fail.
Everybody goes through that.
But, so what? If you fail it the first time, you'll pass it next time.
You don't understand.
I'm not afraid that I'm going to fail.
I'm afraid that I'm going to pass.
What? Come on, Tess, I know you're afraid to get hurt.
I get that.
So, just pretend you like him for a few dates then pick a fight and break up with him.
Can we just drop this, please? Allie, I won't date a guy I don't have feelings for.
And I'm just not ready to open myself up to a guy that I do.
Well, then you shouldn't have to.
Thank you! Finally, somebody who understands me! Gabe understands me? This morning just keeps getting weirder and weirder.
All I'm saying is that if you're not ready to do something, then you shouldn't feel forced into doing it by what other people expect of you, not your best friend or your brothers, or even your dad.
The only one who knows when you're ready to take on a responsibility as huge as driving a new relationship is you.
Thanks, Big Brother.
Okay, okay.
Who cares about Tess's dumb relationship? Are you taking our driver's test, or Sam, Sam! Thanks, thanks.
You just reminded me.
Hey, Gabe, is it okay if we postpone your driver's test? What? I just remembered some stuff I've got to do.
What? Oh, man! Okay.
Hey, hey, hey! No biting! No biting! Okay, I guess if you're not ready, I shouldn't force you.
Are you mad at me? How can I be? I mean, thanks to you, you're my only friend! And I guess friends support each other.
Thanks.
Ice cream, just meet him for ice cream, one scoop.
You can Hey, hey, hey! No biting! Dude, 'sup? Allie? I'm not Allie anymore.
I'm Vicious Vicky: angry and lookin' for trouble.
So, your fix for nobody talking to Allie is to become a girl everybody's afraid of? Exactly, at least this way, it's my choice.
Yeah, that's right.
You better run.
Whoa.
Down, Vicious.
Look, my dad said he was going to fix everything.
How? Tess Foster, how many times have I told you to squeegee the shower when you're done? This morning, there was soap scum everywhere! And you know how I feel about soap scum.
But, Dad No, buts! You are forbidden to date for two months! Two months, I say! All you boys will have to find somebody else to date! I, Coach Foster, have spoken.
Well, in that case I got to get in on this action before all the good ones are taken.
Hey, Dad, I thought we agreed on one month.
For you, babe.
Babe.
You were right.
You are the better person.
Aww, poor baby.
Why are you still in bed? Aww, come on.
This is such a good dream! Get up! Get out! Get up! Get out! Get up! Get up! Get up! Get out.
Get out.
Get out.
Look, I know you're still upset about Bobby, but sleeping the day away isn't the answer.
It's 6:02 Monday morning.
I'm not upset about Bobby.
I'm upset I told you you're always welcome in our house.
That's just your broken heart talking.
My heart isn't broken! He's a jerk.
I'm better off without him.
Now, either you let me go back to sleep or I tell the world you fart when you're mad.
I do not! Darn it! Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Seriously? You don't think I'll tell your smelly little secret? Fine, and then I'll tell the world you watch Teletubbies when you're sick.
Oh, yes, I'll go there.
Now listen, instead of beating yourself up, might I suggest you beat the be-jeebies out of Spencer's Mr.
Boppo.
Or should I say Mr.
Bob-bo! Allie Listen to me, you'll never be emotionally ready to date another guy until you've healed from the pain of this one.
Now let that anger out.
You won't leave 'til I do this, will you? Nope.
Fine.
He's the guy who lied to you because of a stupid baseball game.
And go! You can do better than that! He's the guy who cared so much about you, he got another girl's phone number before you could even download a Taylor Swift break-up song! And he's the guy who updated his online relationship status last night to "Tess Foster: glad I lost her.
" He didn't! With a big smiley face emoticon! Emoticon this! Be quiet.
Some of us are try No! Mr.
Boppo! Why? Why? Sorry, Spence.
Look at him! He can't even have an open casket now! It's okay, Mr.
Boppo.
Shh.
Feels like I'm caught in the middle Drama comes with every new day So far to fall Walking the tightrope But I wouldn't have it any other way We're gonna put one foot in front of the other Get tripped up and step on one another We move ahead and try to keep it on track 'Cause we know we got each other's back Don't need to fight it No need to deny It's a crazy life, a random life A wonderful life Now, those driver test guys want to see your hands at "ten" and "two".
"Ten" and "two".
None of this low-riding, one hand on the wheel, one hand waving to the shorties, suburban gangsta-wannabe stuff.
You do that this afternoon and we are dead, absolutely dead! "We"? I'm the one taking the test.
A pointless distinction.
Do you mind? We're having a conversation here.
Tara, wait! Ah, let her go.
We can do better.
Focus.
Once you pass that test, Dad's going to make you drive me places which, if my calculations are correct, will make me 12% to Ah! You may want to recalculate.
Since you've just broken up with Bobby, anybody who's been wanting to ask you out is going to make their move today.
You really think so? Absolutely.
Just don't be upset if the quality of guy is disappointing at first.
Sometimes you have to cut through the ground chuck to get to the prime rib.
And hello, prime rib! Wow.
Tess, you want to hang out this weekend? Well, I'll just leave you two alone.
I'd love to! But, no.
No? No? No.
I just I'm not ready to date again.
I'm sorry.
That's cool.
I'll see you around.
What are you doing? You've had a crush on him since nap time in preschool when you drooled on one of the new mats and he took the blame.
I had over-active salivary glands! And now you've over-active stupidity glands.
Look, we got your anger out, you're ready to date, now go find him and say yes! Darn it! But, Tess Allie, would you drop it already? I'm not doing it.
Why not? I'm afraid, okay? I just don't want to get hurt again.
Look, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have pressured you.
You take as much time as you need, okay? Hey, Tess, you want to go to The Blend after school? I think that's enough time, don't you? No.
Sorry.
Maybe another time.
Sure.
She's a complicated girl.
Don't give up.
Try again after lunch.
Now, scoot.
Okay.
Sorry, Jared.
Maybe another time.
Sorry, Nick.
Maybe another time.
Okay.
Sorry, Tim.
Maybe another You know, I just don't get this.
Neither do I.
I mean, I expected a couple guys to ask you out, but this is ridiculous.
I mean, you're attractive, but not 's Berry Farm is an amusement park in California.
We should go sometime! You might want to think about going now.
Don't look at me like that.
I breathed life into you and I can suck it out again, Mister.
Where are they? Gabe's driver's test should've been over an hour ago.
Guess which one came out of my belly button and which one came from between my toes.
Belly button.
Toes.
How could you know that? Please.
I've shared a bunk bed with you for the last six years.
I'm intimately familiar with all your smells.
Well, how'd it go? My boy got the highest score in the history of this city and was awarded a platinum license, which entitles him to a lifetime supply of gasoline! Or, I waited for an hour in the teacher's parking lot and he never showed up.
Your choice.
Check it.
That cute barista at The Blend named a drink after me.
"The Gabe-accino": bold, hot and irresistible.
Are you sure you don't mean forgetful, aggravating and irresponsible? Did you guys want drinks too? Did you guys want drinks too? You forgot our driver's test! Oh, man, how could I have spaced out like that? Well, now it's going to take weeks before I can get another appointment.
Which is exactly what you deserve.
But since I deserve a break from chauffeuring you kids around, I got you another appointment next Saturday.
"Thanks, Dad, I'm so lucky to have a father like you!" No, it's just I have plans on Saturday.
Plans? Do they involve you, a locked room and a hungry crocodile? 'Cause mine do! Listen, Gabe, I've waited 16 years for you to help out around here and I'm not going to wait another day.
So, you can fig Fine, I will take the stupid test.
"Stupid test"? I don't get it.
I do.
He's afraid of blowing it.
Gabe? Afraid? Trust me.
He's my kid.
I can smell it.
No, that's my toe jam or belly button fuzz.
Good morning, Westfield Wolfpack.
Today's lunch special is beef stew.
Donations for the clothing drive are still being accepted.
And Tess Foster, will you please go out with me? It's Jeff Baker.
This is insane! Not to mention totally demoralizing! I'm here too, Jeff! Hey, Tess.
Lovely, but no.
I knew I should have gone electric.
Hey, Tess.
Look, I'm sorry, but there's no way I'm going to go on a date with you Wow, that is so gross, I forgot what I was going to say.
Hey, Tess, we've lost something and maybe you could help us find it.
Yeah, what? All the available boys! What do you think you're doing, Foster? I've been flirting with Jeff Baker for two months and then he asks you out? And why is that her fault? Because she said no to Connor McGill "with the looks that kill" and now every guy wants to be the one that she finally says yes to! Wow, it is your fault.
I haven't broken a guy's heart in 24 hours! It's like suddenly my life has no meaning.
Can't you just pick one of them and take yourself off the market! Look, I would, but after Bobby Mama needs a heart to squash and she needs it now.
What Mama needs is a breath mint.
Don't and you're dead to us.
Sorry, there was a vote.
No girl in our class will ever talk to you again.
Oh, come on, guys.
You won't really freeze me out, will you? Allie, it's been days and still they won't talk to me.
Why don't they get that, since the break-up, I'm emotionally delicate, sensitive, a tiny, fragile Derek from homeroom wanted Get out! Little butterfly.
You're the only friend I have left.
Allie? Terrific.
Just because I'm not ready to date again, my best friend has to sneak into my house to see me.
Not anymore.
They just spotted my butt coming in through your window and now I'm being flushed down the social toilet with you.
Why did I have to wear the jeans with the bedazzled "badonkadonk"? Okay, that's it.
They win.
It's bad enough they're doing this to me, but I can't let them do this to you.
You mean you're actually going to call one of those guys and say yes? I could never ask you to do that.
Thanks, but I really didn't expect you to buy my drink.
And I really didn't expect you to order a large.
Hey, check it out.
"Harry, how long have we been married?" "Five of the most wonderful years of my life.
And 45 years of absolute agony.
" That's terrible.
Do it again.
See those two cute girls? You had to go right for the two cute girls, just like Bobby! They're, like, six years old! And absolutely adorable! Who wants an apple crumble? My treat! Pull it together, girl.
You're blowing it! Now turn around and smile.
No! No! Oh, man.
So, are you ready for that driver's test this morning? Of course you are! Why am I even asking? But are you? Now, those are the words of a winner.
Now, what look are you going for in your photo, confident smile or brooding ladies' man? Guess who gets to wear Allie's brand new super-sparkly earrings-of-the-month club earrings? I do.
Which means you get to wear last month's! Whoa, Tess, you are not a morning person.
Oh no.
Please tell me you're not in your cocoon of confusion.
I'm not.
I'm in my window of what-the-heck-am-I-gonna-do? What do you mean, what the heck are you gonna do? You're gonna go out with Connor and save us from living the rest of our lives in Loserville! But I'm just not ready! Well, get yourself ready! Oh no, she is gone.
I guess I will give up.
I'm getting really sick of you knowing everything about me.
Great news! I was just upstairs with Gabe when I very casually brought up the driver's test and he sounded as confident as I've ever heard him.
Really? What were his exact words? Wow.
I know.
When I left, he was even shaving with your new razor.
My what? Nothing.
Point is, he's totally ready to take that test.
I can't take the test.
Really? You accidentally cut yourself shaving There's no way that I'm taking my driver's license picture looking like this.
Darn it.
Well, I'm going to go hang out at Kyle's.
Here we go again.
I think someone needs to have a chat with him.
I'll try and be gentle.
Sit.
Hey, Gabe, you know you can tell me anything.
There's nothing to tell.
I cut myself shaving.
See you later.
Gabe, hold on.
Come on, you didn't cut yourself shaving.
First, my new razor my new razor is gentle enough to shave the fuzz off a peach without breaking the skin.
Plus, blood doesn't smell like ketchup.
I just can't take that test, Dad.
Listen, kiddo, I know you're afraid you're going to fail.
Everybody goes through that.
But, so what? If you fail it the first time, you'll pass it next time.
You don't understand.
I'm not afraid that I'm going to fail.
I'm afraid that I'm going to pass.
What? Come on, Tess, I know you're afraid to get hurt.
I get that.
So, just pretend you like him for a few dates then pick a fight and break up with him.
Can we just drop this, please? Allie, I won't date a guy I don't have feelings for.
And I'm just not ready to open myself up to a guy that I do.
Well, then you shouldn't have to.
Thank you! Finally, somebody who understands me! Gabe understands me? This morning just keeps getting weirder and weirder.
All I'm saying is that if you're not ready to do something, then you shouldn't feel forced into doing it by what other people expect of you, not your best friend or your brothers, or even your dad.
The only one who knows when you're ready to take on a responsibility as huge as driving a new relationship is you.
Thanks, Big Brother.
Okay, okay.
Who cares about Tess's dumb relationship? Are you taking our driver's test, or Sam, Sam! Thanks, thanks.
You just reminded me.
Hey, Gabe, is it okay if we postpone your driver's test? What? I just remembered some stuff I've got to do.
What? Oh, man! Okay.
Hey, hey, hey! No biting! No biting! Okay, I guess if you're not ready, I shouldn't force you.
Are you mad at me? How can I be? I mean, thanks to you, you're my only friend! And I guess friends support each other.
Thanks.
Ice cream, just meet him for ice cream, one scoop.
You can Hey, hey, hey! No biting! Dude, 'sup? Allie? I'm not Allie anymore.
I'm Vicious Vicky: angry and lookin' for trouble.
So, your fix for nobody talking to Allie is to become a girl everybody's afraid of? Exactly, at least this way, it's my choice.
Yeah, that's right.
You better run.
Whoa.
Down, Vicious.
Look, my dad said he was going to fix everything.
How? Tess Foster, how many times have I told you to squeegee the shower when you're done? This morning, there was soap scum everywhere! And you know how I feel about soap scum.
But, Dad No, buts! You are forbidden to date for two months! Two months, I say! All you boys will have to find somebody else to date! I, Coach Foster, have spoken.
Well, in that case I got to get in on this action before all the good ones are taken.
Hey, Dad, I thought we agreed on one month.