Lopez (2016) s02e11 Episode Script

1 [Coco.]
All this over a woman? [George.]
Okay, Coco, come on, we need to focus.
We gotta get these lines down.
This is very important.
We got an important table read.
- Come on.
- I know.
Are you sure he's not dead? He's not dead.
We just put a mirror under his mouth a half hour ago, come on.
Hey, boss, I'm heading over to GVN to run product.
That means check 'em out.
Tell me more, over here.
Oh, well, basically, I get to Okay, but he's gonna be working and staying out late.
So, you know where I leave the key, thank you.
- Damn.
- Mm-hmm.
You're no fun.
That's true.
So here's what I'm thinking.
As a detective during the day, no accent.
Yes, of course, we'll get right on it.
And at night, when we bust a perpetrator like downtown L.
A.
, [with accent.]
You're under arrest, estúpid And I let it fade out, estúpid Then I will do accent, too.
Uh, forget it.
Yeah, I'm a little nervous about this table reading.
- Yeah? - Mmm.
Well, you should be.
Everything is riding on this.
All the network honchos will be there.
Yeah, I said I was nervous.
That's not exactly comforting.
Yeah, well, I want you nervous.
You should be nervous, I'm nervous.
It's good to be nervous.
It would be weird if you weren't nervous.
How did you feel right before the first table read of "The George Lopez Show"? [sighs.]
Like I was gonna throw up my soul.
That's what I'm looking for.
Then I'm on track.
Can you make sure that Pfeiffer has the scene all mapped out nice? Unfortunately, Pfeiffer is no longer with the organization.
She wishes you well.
But I will take care of that.
What? Wait a minute, what organization? - She's your sister.
- It just wasn't a great fit.
I can see that but, you know, Pfeiffer had, like, a cool vibe, you know, positive without being pushy.
Okay, Mom, I get it.
Pfeiffer's a wonderful free spirit and screw me.
All right, well, I don't think you should be having any of this.
Yeah, sorry.
My mom is just driving me really crazy at home.
I gotta get out of that house.
You do gotta get out of the house.
But look it, so whether it's you, Tagine or Pfeiffer, can you just make sure that Lori has a good seat? Like, not close to me maybe across from me so she can kind of get a feel for what I do.
Hm, you want her to see you doing your thing? You guys are kinda tight, huh? Well, you know, it's We're keeping it casual except for the sex.
Let me tell you something about Pfeiffer.
You need her.
I need her? I'm the one with her own business.
A business that sounds like it's in a precarious place.
Because of her.
Mom, I went to Princeton and USC.
Pfeiffer went to Bonnaroo.
You've always been so competitive.
Now go apologize to your sister and maybe she'll come back on board.
Did Dad really kill himself or was he just trying to get away from you? None of your beeswax.
[spits.]
I gotta go.
[indistinct chatter.]
All right! Let's hear this! We open on smog.
It's summer and that telltale brown curtain is hanging down across the mountains.
We see an old muscle car driving down Glenoaks Boulevard, San Fernando.
Behind the wheel is Paco Campo.
The closest thing to a hero this place has got.
Paco and Dahlia stand over the lifeless, bullet-ridden body of Sancho Jacinto.
It was messy.
But the world is a better place without him in it.
At least the Valley is.
They turn their backs on what they just did and walk away.
Fade out.
[whispering.]
Oh, my God, that was [normal voice.]
You can do this.
You're not in over your head.
Wow, thanks, is that your way of telling me you believe in me? What I'm trying to say is you're going to win an Emmy.
And Danny's gonna spend the rest of his life regretting the day he lost you.
Lost us.
Us, Olly.
'Kay, that was great.
I mean, just great! If we could just give our notes, we'll be good to go.
This shouldn't take long.
Okay, now these are actually Eric's notes.
But, uh, we see very little daylight between his notes and ours.
Uh, wait a minute, I thought Eric couldn't make it.
Oh, he couldn't, but his notes could.
[chuckling.]
Yeah, no, he read this over the weekend.
I mean, George, this show is a real priority for him.
I mean, obviously, that was a great read.
Great script, great acting.
I mean, that is the business that Eric wants to be in.
- Yeah, you know, us too.
[chuckling.]
- Perfect.
Well, then none of these notes should be a problem, okay? The top line is, it's just it's, it's too long.
Really? It didn't feel too long to me.
As a matter of fact, I think there's stuff that should go back in there.
Yeah, yeah, that's cool.
Listen, there's always, you know, room for some trims.
Yeah, no, we're gonna need to make cuts.
What kind of cuts? Well, it's, um, it's 64 pages now.
And, uh, my guess is 30 pages need to go.
Wait a minute, hang on a second.
You, you know this is an hour-long drama.
Yeah, well, Eric, he was He was very clear on this.
He needs a half hour.
[whispering.]
He needs more jokes.
Oh, and more jokes.
Yeah, three, three per page would be great.
Then why did we have this damn table read? To hear it.
And we like what we heard.
Yeah, did, did Eric like what he didn't hear? What's next? Like, a laugh track? Maybe bring an audience in.
I'll do some warm-up.
I don't think that's what they're saying.
Is that what you're saying? Absolutely not.
No, George, we're not looking for some hacky multi-cam sitcom.
No, Eric just needs a half hour for scheduling.
Audience's attention spans are shrinking.
Especially with millennials.
And half-hour dramas really are the new thing.
Exactly, with comedic elements.
Just like real life, right? I mean, George, I get it.
Sometimes comedians are just so desperate to prove that they have depth that they make everything too serious, too grim.
In life, well, it's not like that.
All right, well, I was gonna make an ex-wife joke, but the lawyer told me those were off the table.
- [both laughing.]
- There you go.
Here's the thing, I don't care about the running time.
I care about the content.
Yeah, and a, and an hour long really is just two half hours.
Right, which was Eric's point all along.
[distant phone ringing.]
Hey, Rachel, great to see you.
I heard you were tied up at set and therefore unreachable.
But I reached ya.
It got canceled.
I was just about to call you.
Look, what the hell is going on with "Valleys"? The pilot got picked up, congrats.
Hey! You know what I'm talking about.
You know what's going on.
Jason got fired.
I'm hanging on by a thread.
If "Valleys" gets made, I may keep my job.
If it falls apart, Greg will bounce me like you did Pfeiffer.
How is she? Hello! I don't give a shit about Pfeiffer and neither should you.
Is "Valleys" going to be turned into some stupid sitcom? I need to protect the project.
And I need to protect George.
If you wanna do that, then make sure this show happens.
This could be a big win for all of us.
My new boss loves the project.
He thinks it could be hilarious.
The next "Two and a Half Men.
" Privately he calls it "One and a Half Men.
" Sorry, that is so offensive.
That show will get made.
"Valleys" will never get made.
You wanna protect George? Get him on board! By helping him destroy the thing he cares about most? Or help make it be the best possible sitcom it can still be.
Everyone knows George walked out on his deal in Vegas.
He walks out on a major network show, and he will never work again.
[Lori.]
Is something wrong? Uh, you know, they're shooting my pilot.
I guess that's not good news? I just wanna make sure that the tone is right and that the network and I see eye-to-eye on That sounds stressful.
You know what you need? What's that? You need to screw me now.
- I'm sorry? - You heard me.
We've got 20 good minutes.
And, I mean, I'm stressed out myself, and I could use a good screwing.
Come on, my office is soundproof.
You can scream like a little baby.
Uh [Lori.]
Don't keep me waiting.
You can unfollow me, Chandra.
You can unfriend me, but you can't forget about me, okay? [knocking on door.]
Hello, brother, may we see Hector and Manolo? They ain't here.
Do you have my weed and my pills? You all right, brother? You look lost.
I've had a recent setback.
Financial? Health issues? A woman? Yes! A woman, how did you know? - She left you.
- Yes.
Well, here is a love that will never leave you that you can always count on.
You're gonna say Jesus, right? Follow us, brother.
Throw your past behind you and follow Him into the light of peace and love.
What have you got to lose? Not much, I've lost everything else.
You should probably leave the tequila, you know, for the righteousness and stuff.
Oh, yeah, but let's just do one for the road, right? [Manolo.]
You wanna take another break? No, that last break was a mistake.
But Wendy, I don't think we have to worry about being found out.
The test is tomorrow.
Are you worried I'm gonna fail? Oh, no, you're gonna pass.
And that's what I'm worried about.
And then when you do, what good will I be to you then? You don't have to worry.
I watched "Officer and a Gentleman.
" I won't leave you behind.
Oh, baby, oh! Mmm [doorbell rings, knocking on door.]
All right.
[knocking continues.]
Good idea.
Okay.
Whoa.
All right, how did it go at the network? Are we celebrating or drowning our sorrows? 'Cause I'm good at both.
Okay, here's the deal.
"Valleys," as an hour-long, is dead.
No way around it.
But they love the project.
They say it's still gonna be gritty, just a little lighter.
They see it as a prestige project.
How do you feel about that? I feel good.
We just need to work with the network, massage it a little bit to get what we want.
George, we can protect the show.
And I'm gonna protect you.
Well, then I guess we're celebrating! Okay.
Come on, lift it up.
Mmm.
I gotta tell you, we're doing it.
We're showing 'em all.
Huh?! Let's drink to that.
At least the Dodgers won.
Hey, hey, hey, Hector, Manolo, come on, man.
Let's have a drink, we're celebrating the new show.
So "Valleys" gonna be an hour? No, it's a half hour, but it, but it, but it's a drama.
You know, kind of like a cool cable show or like an Internet-based - That sounds right.
- Yeah business is different now.
Nobody knows what they want.
It's not cut and dry.
There's gray areas.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but enough about Hollywood.
You two, sit down, grab a beer.
Tell us about your day, tell us about your day.
Thanks, but I can't be drinking.
Tomorrow's my final.
Oh, not me, I'm recording another video for the Ab Jacker.
[Olly.]
Yeah, let's talk about that.
Oh, is that one of Lori's products? Nope, you were right.
I can only sell what I believe in - and I believe in these.
- Ooh.
Every day I post a new exercise routine.
And when it hits and goes viral, I'm gonna Hey, wait a minute, wait, wait, talk to Marsupial about this.
You just can have something go viral.
I already got a million followers.
And I already got a great slogan.
With the Ab Jacker, you can jack your way to health and fitness.
- Oh - I'm in.
Okay, uh, but don't move your hands like that when you say that.
No, there'll be a machine here.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Hey, speaking about Marsupial, has anybody heard from him? He's not returning my texts.
My textsss My text messages.
Text messages.
He and I found this great apartment for him and Chandra.
And I want it.
- Yikes - Oh, cold.
What? No, he probably doesn't want it anymore, right? And everyone agrees I need to get out of my mom's house.
- [laughs.]
- Mmm can you do the thing again? Oh, this? - No, the other thing.
- Oh.
So I'm thinking we shoot San Fernando, run and gun, keep it real.
- Real, for sure, real, but not too real.
- Uh-huh.
'Cause you know how when you photograph food, it just looks terrible until you gloss it up.
I see orange and aqua and mustard yellow.
[George laughs.]
There's nothing wrong with your eyesight, my man.
But you do realize this is for a chop shop and not a, a circus.
And I don't think you have any under there.
But I'm thinking "Valleys" is almost, like, black and white.
Maybe we could use, you know, like, that to start.
Okay, well, but there's a ton of colors in-between black and white and what we have here.
So maybe we just find something in the middle.
Yeah.
There are other colors.
I guess.
Cool.
[clears throat.]
- Well, great, thank you.
- Yeah.
[George.]
What just happened? Man, who hired that guy? The studio, they love him.
They swear by him.
We just need to give him some guidance which we just did.
I don't know, that dude George, this is the kind of push and pull we need to deal with if we're going to get what we want.
We just need to play with the genre.
Show a new angle.
That's what's gonna work for the network.
And it's still gonna follow your vision in a new way.
All right, well, I guess so.
But let's say on top of him, okay? And if he blows that base smoke in my face one more time, I'ma take that pen.
He's gonna be blowing smoke out of another part of his body.
Well, lucky him.
Oh, man, I gotta go home, I'm meeting Lori.
Oh, she's coming to you? That sounds promising.
Yeah, you know, it's just, uh, a lot of giving and taking.
You know, healthy doses of giving and taking.
It's the call I've been stalled out, but now they call it giving and taking.
Well, good meeting! I gotta say, this is great.
And very manly.
Like, a woman has never set foot in here.
[chuckling.]
Oh, well I've been waiting for the right woman.
Hmm.
So, Hector, huh? What's he doing? Branching out on his own? Well, not exactly on his own.
You know, we are thinking of building a whole social media fitness platform around him.
He's clearly an influencer.
Quite a kid, but, uh, you know So are you, I gotta tell ya.
I never felt more comfortable with somebody in such a short time, I mean.
Hey, you know what, where are the guys? Oh, uh, let's see.
Hector and Maronzio are out.
And Manolo's taking his test.
Oh, yeah? That is a very big counter.
Hmm.
I need to go to the bathroom.
Uh, yeah, yeah, me too.
Okay, go, you two go.
You're gonna need to leave your cell phones here in the classroom.
I told you it wouldn't work.
I still need to go pee.
I removed the study guide from the tampon dispenser.
[chuckling.]
Looks like you're gonna get held back again.
That baby's gonna graduate before you do.
[mocking laughter.]
[school bell rings.]
All right, that's it.
Pencils down.
As Triumph Seekers, we've broken the laws of man.
And we've been imprisoned by following the laws of God.
We've redeemed ourselves.
Mike was an arsonist.
And Ironhead stabbed his mom in the neck.
She forgave him as has the Lord.
[all.]
Amen! But there is a man among us who's committed no crimes.
But he has sinned.
And to find salvation, you must admit your sins.
Can you do that, Brother Maronzio? Yes.
Hell, yeah, I sinned.
All I did was sin.
I sinned so much I was proud of it! I was proud of what I was doing! So proud I couldn't even see! I couldn't see that I was losing the best thing that ever happened to me until now.
Until right now! I'm on the path to righteousness.
And nothing, I mean nothing can stand in my way! We're here for you, brother.
I'm gonna wash away my sins with the blood of Christ! And somebody give me some strong coffee.
Who's with me? [all.]
Yeah! Okay [clears throat.]
Here's problem number one.
This is ridiculous.
I'm not wearing this.
I'm not Ricardo Montalbán.
Well, of course not.
Oh, of course not.
This is what Coco wears at the cabaret.
Cabaret? Wait a minute.
Have you read the script? Yes.
I got the new pages last night.
Let me tell you, I have been scrambling New pages? That's right, uh, I heard the network was gonna bring in "Harvard Lampoon" writers to do a couple punch-ups.
[clears throat.]
Harvard, great.
College kids are gonna rewrite "Valleys.
" Well, they want to appeal to millennials.
Even though millennials don't even watch TV.
All right, that's stupid.
That's stupid, it's ridiculous.
That's corny and stupid.
You know what? This is all stupid! Well, I was told to go off the one-sheet for tone guidance, so Oh, my God, this is This is ridiculous! And it's offensive, all right? And you know what else is offensive?! That sombrero right there behind you.
What's wrong with the sombre [Olly.]
George! George! George! That poster was a mistake.
But we can fix it.
We just have to learn to navigate things.
I mean, look, maybe the network does see things a little broader than you and I do.
We can make this work.
We just get big ratings.
And then for season two, we do it our way.
No, that's not how it works.
How it works is season two, you do it their way again because in season one, you proved to them that they can push you around.
George, you can't just flip over the checker board every time you don't get what you want.
That's the analogy you use? You know what? I can and I will.
This is your chance.
You think this is gonna make me relevant? This is gonna make me the punch line to a joke by someone who is relevant.
This is all you've got.
I wish it was different, but you have to make this work or you may never work again.
[clears throat.]
So, ah, wow, uh, that's So you're protecting me now? I'm trying to.
You know what, Olly? You're just like Danny.
You're Danny.
But instead of sticking me in Vegas, you wanna stick me in some shitty ass multi-cam.
This isn't about me.
It's never been about me.
This is about you and your magency.
And proving that you can raise enough money and be successful enough to move out of your mom's house.
- That's not fair.
- No kidding.
You know what? I, I, I thought you were different.
I thought I thought I could count on you, you know? Yeah, I guess I was wrong, huh?