Louie s03e03 Episode Script
Miami
Louie, Louie, Louie Louaaa Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie Louie, Louie you're gonna die Louie, Louie, Louie Louie ( man on loudspeaker ) Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has illuminated our seat belt sign indicating our descent to Miami International Airport.
Please put your tray tables and your seat backs in the upright position.
We'll be landing in Miami soon.
Hi, I'm checking in.
( keys clanking ) I know it's not popular to say, but I hate balloons.
( woman giggling ) This is bullshit.
Jesus.
I'm sorry, bro, I didn't see you there.
I'm sorry.
( waves crashing ) ( waves crashing ) Hey! Hey, that's my-- Don't take my chair! That's my stuff! Hey! That's my stuff! ( Louie ) Hey! Hey! Buddy, I'm not drown I'm not drowning! Relax.
I'm not drowning! That guy was taking my stuff, I'm not-- Relax, relax.
I'm not drowning! I'm not drowning, I'm telling you! I got you, I got you, I got you! ( coughing ) ( man ) Is he all right? ( man ) Is he okay? Hey, come on, bro.
( coughing ) You all right, bro? Yeah.
Don't be embarrassed, man.
Anyone can lose control in the water.
Okay.
You okay? Uh-huh.
God! I'll stay here with you for a bit.
Okay.
I'm Ramon.
I'm Louie.
You on vacation? What? You on vacation, you-- No, I ( coughing ) I'm a comedian, I-- I'm working at the hotel, I'm doing shows.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I heard there was a comedian in the lounge, man.
I'm might have to come check you out.
Okay.
You know, it's good to laugh, you know, it's like-- it's like a gift you give people, you know? You funny? Are you funny? Yeah.
Well, then I did a good thing by saving you.
( coughing ) Yeah, but you know, I I wasn't drowning.
I, uh Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you weren't drowning.
Totally, man, I got you.
( groaning ) Anyway, thank you very much.
Good night, thank you.
( audience applauding ) Hey.
( Ramon ) Hey, man.
Hey, Ramon.
Hey, I'm glad you came, man.
Hey, man, you were so funny, like-- So funny, I was laughing so hard, man.
Oh, thanks, man.
Can I buy you a drink for saving my life? I'll have Sprite.
Can I get a thing-- Brown shot? Thanks, man.
So, um You from Miami? Well, I was born in Cuba.
Really? Yeah, then I came here when I was a baby.
That's a big move for a little baby.
( laughing ) I mean my parents brought me here when I was a baby.
Like on a raft or something? Or something.
I'm sorry, man.
I-- I know nothing.
No worries, man.
No, that was stupid.
No, no, no.
My Uncle Chavo used to say, "Dice no se, entonces aprendes todo.
" It means-- Say you don't know and then you learn everything.
¿ Hablas español? Well, not really.
I forgot a lot of it, but we lived in Mexico when I was a kid.
My dad's Mexican.
No shit.
No shit at all.
My mom's American, but we came here when I was seven, just like you.
Well, all right, hermano.
( laughing ) Can I have one of these? Thanks.
Uh, no, you can't.
What? No, you can't have one of my strawberries.
But I already ate it.
I know, that's what-- You asked me if you could have one and I said no, so you just ate a strawberry that you can't have.
Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing? This.
I'm going to a big party with good music, good food, Cuban style.
Pechuga a la parilla.
It's gonna be a good time.
Great.
So come on, let's go.
What, me? You.
No, man, I don't want to-- You don't want to what? Have a good time? Come on, man, I'm gonna show you Miami, like, for real.
You're really inviting me? I'm inviting you.
Okay.
Yeah? Yeah, all right.
Let's go.
Now? Like right now.
Okay, all right.
( Ramon ) Louie.
Louie, ¿ cómo está? Hey, Santiago.
Myron, Myron ( Ramon ) Mama, Mama.
Louie Louie! Ay, qué sudado está el americano.
Oyeme, ¿ vas a comer lechona? Mofongo, platanitos, lechón.
¿ Algo de tomar, mira? Dale, dale comida.
Te voy a presentarte un amigo.
Se llama Louie.
Si, Louie? Si.
Ven aca.
Louie.
Un amigo es un hermano y un hermano es un amigo.
Me entiende? Si, yes.
( laughing ) Lo vemos.
Thank you, thank you.
Vamos, pues! Hola.
I see what you're doing.
Hey, Ramon.
I got no moves.
How you liking it, hermano? Oh, it's-- it's great.
I mean, you took me here and let me meet your whole family, man.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Of course, man, it's my pleasure.
How you liking the real Miami? Oh, it's amazing, man.
I never-- in fact, I've been coming to Miami for Not like this.
It's kind of like those people up there.
Some of them been living there their whole lives and they've never seen where I live.
And you look up and then you see 'em on their balconies and they're alone.
And you kind of feel sorry for 'em because they're alone, you know? Yeah, I know, I know.
Anyways, man, how-- Where'd you-- Where did you get the balls to be a comedian? I gotta admire that.
Shit, I got a show.
I got a show in, like, half an hour.
Of course you got-- I gotta-- Let me call a cab.
No, no, no.
Hey, hey, Benny! Benny, you got a car, right? We gotta take Louie! Out of the way! ( all shouting and hollering ) ( whistling ) Here we go.
Here we go.
( all hollering ) Hey! Tú con curvas y yo sin frenos! ( all laughing ) ( tires screeching ) Oh, shit, oh, oh, oh! ( whistling ) ( all ) Hey! ( all laughing ) Oye, Louie.
Suerte esta noche, brother, tÃrate.
Okay, muchos pantalones, man.
( laughing ) Hey, man, I made it.
Couple minutes to spare, so thanks.
Yeah, that's good, man.
Thanks for coming, you know? Hey, this is my last show tonight and then I go home tomorrow, so That's too bad.
Well, you know, life goes on.
But you know what, it was nice to meet you.
And I wasn't drowning, but I'm glad you saved me.
Yeah.
And it was good to know you.
Thanks for making me laugh.
Hey, okay.
Have a good one.
Okay.
Thanks, man.
Hello? Hey, Janet, it's Louie.
What's up? Well, I'm in Florida.
Right.
You're coming back tomorrow, right? You're gonna pick up the girls? See, that's the thing, I-- If you can't do this, it's okay, I just was wondering if maybe you could keep the girls an extra couple nights.
Um, yeah, shouldn't be a problem.
Are you stuck down there? No, I just-- I'm just thinking of staying a couple days more, that's all.
And again, if you can't do it, I'll pick up the girls tomorrow.
I'm just checking.
Oh.
You met somebody.
What? Oh, you met a girl and you want to stay down there and be with her.
That's fine.
No, that's not what's going on here.
Well, why else would you want to stay down there? You hate Florida.
You met someone.
I didn't-- I mean, I met somebody, but not-- Oh, see? Good for you, Louie.
We've been divorced for three years.
You don't have to hide that shit from me.
I'm glad for you.
Stay in Florida for a couple days, I'll cover for you.
Enjoy your new someone.
Hey.
( Ramon ) Hey, man.
Hey.
What are you doing here? I thought you left today.
No, I changed my flight.
I'm going-- I'm staying 'til Wednesday.
Okay.
Cool.
You going for a swim or Yeah, yeah.
Well, I'm on break so I'll join you.
Okay, all right.
( laughing ) Let me get back in the chair.
Okay, man, yeah.
All right.
Have a good one.
Yeah, you too.
Ramon.
Hey, Louie.
Hey.
What's up? Hey, how you doing? Good.
What are you-- You wanna hang out? What are you doing? Yeah, uh I got an idea.
Let's, uh, let's grab a drink.
Yeah, okay.
Hey, Louie, can I-- Can I ask you something? Yeah.
It might be a little weird kind of question, but it's-- It's just I been-- Why did you stay here longer? Oh, why-- why did I-- Yeah.
Well, I, you know I just Okay, you know, to be honest, I just wanted to spend more time, you know, hanging out and-- Yeah, see-- That's what I thought.
Yeah, but-- but-- but--yeah, but Look, I know what-- I know what-- I know what-- I know what you're asking, but-- but-- No, no, no, no.
I mean, it's cool.
Yeah, yeah, no, no-- It's me, it's just that Yeah, but-- It's just that I, you know, I-- Yeah, but I'm not-- I'm not-- Okay.
Like, I don't-- Like, I don't judge anybody.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, me neither, it's not-- And I'm not-- Okay, first of all, I have zero anything, okay? Okay.
I guess what-- the thing is is just that-- I feel like-- See, see? No.
I'm gonna stop you there.
Okay, thank you.
Look, man.
What-- My Uncle Chavo, right? Yeah.
When he said all men are brothers? Mm-hmm.
Cool.
It's true, man.
Right, right.
And honestly, you're a great guy.
You're a great guy.
Cool, fun to hang out with.
Same to you, you know.
It's It's just be yourself.
You know what I mean? What do you mean? No, what do you mean? Be myself? Yeah, like All right, I got this cousin Manny, right? Oh, no, no, yeah, but that Ramon I'm not I You-- you-- I just-- It's-- it's not-- It's like I don't know if I've ever-- I don't know that I've ever-- I'm not trying-- I'm not trying anything to And I don't even-- I mean, I'm not-- I mean, dude.
Okay, you know, no, I know.
I'm-- hey, man, y'know-- Yeah, okay.
All right, uh Okay.
I don't take anything back.
You know what I mean? Me neither, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.
It was fun, it was cool, you know what I mean? And you're a good dude and I wish you the best.
Yeah, you too, man.
Hey, man, me too.
Yeah.
Yeah, man, thanks a lot.
Cool, man.
Yeah.
Okay.
Take it easy.
( Louie ) Heterosexual men have a big burden that we put on ourselves which is that we want to be identified as heterosexual men.
We're the only ones that care.
We're the only sexual group that gives a shit that we are not mistaken for anything else.
Nobody else cares.
I don't know any women that are worried someone will think they're a lesbian.
I've never heard a gay guy say, "Everybody's gonna think I'm straight.
" It just doesn't happen.
We're the only ones that care, and it's a drag for us because we-- There's a lot of things that we maybe could do that might be nice but we can't 'cause someone will think we're gay.
We can't even throw some words around.
You can't really throw "wonderful" around so much.
You can't say "wonderful" unless you say it, like, in a gay voice to be funny.
"Oh, it was wonderful.
" Like, you can do that and "ha-ha-ha," like I would ever really say that.
No, but it was wonderful, it was.
I can't just say that about anything.
No, that strip club was wonderful.
It was wonderful.
Oh! Buddy-- buddy, I'm not-- I'm not drowning, I'm not-- ( Ramon ) Big waves, relax, buddy, relax.
I'm not drowning, I'm telling you right now.
You're almost there.
Okay, stop, freeze, freeze, Miguel, freeze.
Get ahead of us, get ahead of us.
Get ahead of us.
Ready, ready? Everybody get ahead of us, including Sean.
Ready? Yeah.
Tell me when you're ready.
You ready? Go.
Ready? Yeah.
And action, guys!
Please put your tray tables and your seat backs in the upright position.
We'll be landing in Miami soon.
Hi, I'm checking in.
( keys clanking ) I know it's not popular to say, but I hate balloons.
( woman giggling ) This is bullshit.
Jesus.
I'm sorry, bro, I didn't see you there.
I'm sorry.
( waves crashing ) ( waves crashing ) Hey! Hey, that's my-- Don't take my chair! That's my stuff! Hey! That's my stuff! ( Louie ) Hey! Hey! Buddy, I'm not drown I'm not drowning! Relax.
I'm not drowning! That guy was taking my stuff, I'm not-- Relax, relax.
I'm not drowning! I'm not drowning, I'm telling you! I got you, I got you, I got you! ( coughing ) ( man ) Is he all right? ( man ) Is he okay? Hey, come on, bro.
( coughing ) You all right, bro? Yeah.
Don't be embarrassed, man.
Anyone can lose control in the water.
Okay.
You okay? Uh-huh.
God! I'll stay here with you for a bit.
Okay.
I'm Ramon.
I'm Louie.
You on vacation? What? You on vacation, you-- No, I ( coughing ) I'm a comedian, I-- I'm working at the hotel, I'm doing shows.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I heard there was a comedian in the lounge, man.
I'm might have to come check you out.
Okay.
You know, it's good to laugh, you know, it's like-- it's like a gift you give people, you know? You funny? Are you funny? Yeah.
Well, then I did a good thing by saving you.
( coughing ) Yeah, but you know, I I wasn't drowning.
I, uh Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you weren't drowning.
Totally, man, I got you.
( groaning ) Anyway, thank you very much.
Good night, thank you.
( audience applauding ) Hey.
( Ramon ) Hey, man.
Hey, Ramon.
Hey, I'm glad you came, man.
Hey, man, you were so funny, like-- So funny, I was laughing so hard, man.
Oh, thanks, man.
Can I buy you a drink for saving my life? I'll have Sprite.
Can I get a thing-- Brown shot? Thanks, man.
So, um You from Miami? Well, I was born in Cuba.
Really? Yeah, then I came here when I was a baby.
That's a big move for a little baby.
( laughing ) I mean my parents brought me here when I was a baby.
Like on a raft or something? Or something.
I'm sorry, man.
I-- I know nothing.
No worries, man.
No, that was stupid.
No, no, no.
My Uncle Chavo used to say, "Dice no se, entonces aprendes todo.
" It means-- Say you don't know and then you learn everything.
¿ Hablas español? Well, not really.
I forgot a lot of it, but we lived in Mexico when I was a kid.
My dad's Mexican.
No shit.
No shit at all.
My mom's American, but we came here when I was seven, just like you.
Well, all right, hermano.
( laughing ) Can I have one of these? Thanks.
Uh, no, you can't.
What? No, you can't have one of my strawberries.
But I already ate it.
I know, that's what-- You asked me if you could have one and I said no, so you just ate a strawberry that you can't have.
Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing? This.
I'm going to a big party with good music, good food, Cuban style.
Pechuga a la parilla.
It's gonna be a good time.
Great.
So come on, let's go.
What, me? You.
No, man, I don't want to-- You don't want to what? Have a good time? Come on, man, I'm gonna show you Miami, like, for real.
You're really inviting me? I'm inviting you.
Okay.
Yeah? Yeah, all right.
Let's go.
Now? Like right now.
Okay, all right.
( Ramon ) Louie.
Louie, ¿ cómo está? Hey, Santiago.
Myron, Myron ( Ramon ) Mama, Mama.
Louie Louie! Ay, qué sudado está el americano.
Oyeme, ¿ vas a comer lechona? Mofongo, platanitos, lechón.
¿ Algo de tomar, mira? Dale, dale comida.
Te voy a presentarte un amigo.
Se llama Louie.
Si, Louie? Si.
Ven aca.
Louie.
Un amigo es un hermano y un hermano es un amigo.
Me entiende? Si, yes.
( laughing ) Lo vemos.
Thank you, thank you.
Vamos, pues! Hola.
I see what you're doing.
Hey, Ramon.
I got no moves.
How you liking it, hermano? Oh, it's-- it's great.
I mean, you took me here and let me meet your whole family, man.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Of course, man, it's my pleasure.
How you liking the real Miami? Oh, it's amazing, man.
I never-- in fact, I've been coming to Miami for Not like this.
It's kind of like those people up there.
Some of them been living there their whole lives and they've never seen where I live.
And you look up and then you see 'em on their balconies and they're alone.
And you kind of feel sorry for 'em because they're alone, you know? Yeah, I know, I know.
Anyways, man, how-- Where'd you-- Where did you get the balls to be a comedian? I gotta admire that.
Shit, I got a show.
I got a show in, like, half an hour.
Of course you got-- I gotta-- Let me call a cab.
No, no, no.
Hey, hey, Benny! Benny, you got a car, right? We gotta take Louie! Out of the way! ( all shouting and hollering ) ( whistling ) Here we go.
Here we go.
( all hollering ) Hey! Tú con curvas y yo sin frenos! ( all laughing ) ( tires screeching ) Oh, shit, oh, oh, oh! ( whistling ) ( all ) Hey! ( all laughing ) Oye, Louie.
Suerte esta noche, brother, tÃrate.
Okay, muchos pantalones, man.
( laughing ) Hey, man, I made it.
Couple minutes to spare, so thanks.
Yeah, that's good, man.
Thanks for coming, you know? Hey, this is my last show tonight and then I go home tomorrow, so That's too bad.
Well, you know, life goes on.
But you know what, it was nice to meet you.
And I wasn't drowning, but I'm glad you saved me.
Yeah.
And it was good to know you.
Thanks for making me laugh.
Hey, okay.
Have a good one.
Okay.
Thanks, man.
Hello? Hey, Janet, it's Louie.
What's up? Well, I'm in Florida.
Right.
You're coming back tomorrow, right? You're gonna pick up the girls? See, that's the thing, I-- If you can't do this, it's okay, I just was wondering if maybe you could keep the girls an extra couple nights.
Um, yeah, shouldn't be a problem.
Are you stuck down there? No, I just-- I'm just thinking of staying a couple days more, that's all.
And again, if you can't do it, I'll pick up the girls tomorrow.
I'm just checking.
Oh.
You met somebody.
What? Oh, you met a girl and you want to stay down there and be with her.
That's fine.
No, that's not what's going on here.
Well, why else would you want to stay down there? You hate Florida.
You met someone.
I didn't-- I mean, I met somebody, but not-- Oh, see? Good for you, Louie.
We've been divorced for three years.
You don't have to hide that shit from me.
I'm glad for you.
Stay in Florida for a couple days, I'll cover for you.
Enjoy your new someone.
Hey.
( Ramon ) Hey, man.
Hey.
What are you doing here? I thought you left today.
No, I changed my flight.
I'm going-- I'm staying 'til Wednesday.
Okay.
Cool.
You going for a swim or Yeah, yeah.
Well, I'm on break so I'll join you.
Okay, all right.
( laughing ) Let me get back in the chair.
Okay, man, yeah.
All right.
Have a good one.
Yeah, you too.
Ramon.
Hey, Louie.
Hey.
What's up? Hey, how you doing? Good.
What are you-- You wanna hang out? What are you doing? Yeah, uh I got an idea.
Let's, uh, let's grab a drink.
Yeah, okay.
Hey, Louie, can I-- Can I ask you something? Yeah.
It might be a little weird kind of question, but it's-- It's just I been-- Why did you stay here longer? Oh, why-- why did I-- Yeah.
Well, I, you know I just Okay, you know, to be honest, I just wanted to spend more time, you know, hanging out and-- Yeah, see-- That's what I thought.
Yeah, but-- but-- but--yeah, but Look, I know what-- I know what-- I know what-- I know what you're asking, but-- but-- No, no, no, no.
I mean, it's cool.
Yeah, yeah, no, no-- It's me, it's just that Yeah, but-- It's just that I, you know, I-- Yeah, but I'm not-- I'm not-- Okay.
Like, I don't-- Like, I don't judge anybody.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, me neither, it's not-- And I'm not-- Okay, first of all, I have zero anything, okay? Okay.
I guess what-- the thing is is just that-- I feel like-- See, see? No.
I'm gonna stop you there.
Okay, thank you.
Look, man.
What-- My Uncle Chavo, right? Yeah.
When he said all men are brothers? Mm-hmm.
Cool.
It's true, man.
Right, right.
And honestly, you're a great guy.
You're a great guy.
Cool, fun to hang out with.
Same to you, you know.
It's It's just be yourself.
You know what I mean? What do you mean? No, what do you mean? Be myself? Yeah, like All right, I got this cousin Manny, right? Oh, no, no, yeah, but that Ramon I'm not I You-- you-- I just-- It's-- it's not-- It's like I don't know if I've ever-- I don't know that I've ever-- I'm not trying-- I'm not trying anything to And I don't even-- I mean, I'm not-- I mean, dude.
Okay, you know, no, I know.
I'm-- hey, man, y'know-- Yeah, okay.
All right, uh Okay.
I don't take anything back.
You know what I mean? Me neither, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.
It was fun, it was cool, you know what I mean? And you're a good dude and I wish you the best.
Yeah, you too, man.
Hey, man, me too.
Yeah.
Yeah, man, thanks a lot.
Cool, man.
Yeah.
Okay.
Take it easy.
( Louie ) Heterosexual men have a big burden that we put on ourselves which is that we want to be identified as heterosexual men.
We're the only ones that care.
We're the only sexual group that gives a shit that we are not mistaken for anything else.
Nobody else cares.
I don't know any women that are worried someone will think they're a lesbian.
I've never heard a gay guy say, "Everybody's gonna think I'm straight.
" It just doesn't happen.
We're the only ones that care, and it's a drag for us because we-- There's a lot of things that we maybe could do that might be nice but we can't 'cause someone will think we're gay.
We can't even throw some words around.
You can't really throw "wonderful" around so much.
You can't say "wonderful" unless you say it, like, in a gay voice to be funny.
"Oh, it was wonderful.
" Like, you can do that and "ha-ha-ha," like I would ever really say that.
No, but it was wonderful, it was.
I can't just say that about anything.
No, that strip club was wonderful.
It was wonderful.
Oh! Buddy-- buddy, I'm not-- I'm not drowning, I'm not-- ( Ramon ) Big waves, relax, buddy, relax.
I'm not drowning, I'm telling you right now.
You're almost there.
Okay, stop, freeze, freeze, Miguel, freeze.
Get ahead of us, get ahead of us.
Get ahead of us.
Ready, ready? Everybody get ahead of us, including Sean.
Ready? Yeah.
Tell me when you're ready.
You ready? Go.
Ready? Yeah.
And action, guys!