Lucas Bros Moving Co (2013) Episode Scripts

N/A - Soul Food

1 [Engine starting] So, is that it, brothers? - Uh, yeah, I think that's it, chef Seth.
- Oh, we forgot the hot sauce.
Oh, man, how did we forget the hot sauce? That's like the most important ingredient in soul food.
- Absolutely.
- I got you, my dude.
Here's a little bottle of Hot-Ass hot sauce on the house.
- Thanks, homie.
- See you tonight at the small business association annual potluck.
Namaste, brothers.
[Whistling] - And who do we got here? - The Lucas bitches! What's up, Barbershop? Shopping for the small business association's annual potluck, I see? Hey, come on, man, that's mine! Collards? Cornbread? Ribs? Black-Eyed [bleep] Peas? I hope you don't think you're making soul food? Because guess what, Lucas brothers? The Barbershop making soul food.
- And it's good! It's gonna be good, too! - Finger-licking good! But we signed up to bring soul food months ago! Oh, yeah, and guess what? We crossed your names out.
- Man, that's real mean, Barbershop.
- That's really uncool, dude.
What are you gonna do about it? They ain't gonna do nothing about it.
- Nothing! - [Bleep] you, Lucas bros! - We don't respect you! - Bo! Bo! Bo! You know what? That's it, Barbershop.
We're gonna settle this right here, right now.
Oh, snap.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Brothers, Barbers, brothers! Stop fighting.
You know this is just what they want us to do.
Hey, guys.
[Barks] Jerrod, you're acting president of the small business association, so tell these idiots that we're bringing soul food.
- They can bring spaghetti.
- Yeah, you guys are bringing spaghetti.
- We're bringing soul food.
- Hell no! I'm sorry brothers, but it says right here in the small business association handbook that "when two businesses bring the same dish to the potluck, there's got to be a cook-off.
" "The winner gets to serve their dish, and the loser " Ugh.
"does the dishes.
" Aww, man, we hate doing dishes.
Maybe we can just bring something else, Kenny? Absolutely not, dude.
We can't lose.
- We're the soul food kings of Greenpoint.
- [Clucks] Lucas chickens! [All clucking] Chicken! - Fine! Jerrod, we're in.
- The Barbershop is going down.
Well, it sounds like we got ourselves a Cook-off! Whoo! Love this! May the best chef win.
Man, I feel like Raekwon the Chef.
Wait, wait.
Do you feel like a rapper, or do you feel like a chef? Well, you know, I guess I feel more like a chef.
But, I feel kind of like a rapper too, 'cause I'm kinda cooking beats in my mind as I make these the macaroni and cheese.
[Ovens dings] Both: Tasting time! [Spitting] - Gross! - That's disgusting.
- Something ain't right about this.
- Hmm? This soul food tastes like it's missing something.
Oh, snap, we forgot the hot sauce.
We're always forgetting the Hot-Ass hot sauce, man.
Let's try it now.
Hmm? It's still missing something, dude.
Yeah, you're right.
This soul food tastes like it's missing soul.
Oh, do you think that it's missing soul because - we sold our souls to Satan? - Oh, yeah.
Hey, why did we do that, again? Oh, we needed help beating Sub-zero in Mortal kombat.
Oh, yeah, yeah, that guy is tough.
He can make snowballs out of nothing.
It doesn't even have to be Christmas.
Yeah, Satan really did us a solid on that one.
- [Chuckles] Thanks, Satan.
- So, how are we supposed to win the cook-off if our soul food is soulless? It's simple.
We gotta get our souls back.
Well, how do we do that? That's simple too.
We just gotta go to hell.
- Well, how do we do that? - That's actually not that simple.
The Lucas bros gotta die.
- You ready, Kenny? - I'm ready, Keef.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What if after we jump, we go to heaven instead of hell? Eh, there's no way we're going to heaven, dude.
We're too bad for that.
- We smoke weed, - That's true.
- we cheat at monopoly, - Mm-hmm.
- I always kick pigeons when I see them, - Oh, yeah.
- and we're capitalists.
- That should be more than enough.
I think between kicking pigeons, and smoking marijuana, - and being capitalists, we're good.
- All right, let's do this.
- Hey, Kenny.
- What? See you in hell.
[Laughing] [Both scream] Oh, snaaap! - This is so dope! - Greatest trip to hell ever! Oh, yeah! But I'm getting a little dizzy! And, you know, I kind of wish we had a parachute 'cause I think hitting [Thud] [Screaming] [Music] Hell is so awesome, dude! - A lake of fire right there.
- Oh, there's another lake of fire.
And, oh, look, it's a dog.
[Whimpers] - That's weird.
- I thought all dogs went to heaven? - Yeah.
Except for hell dogs.
- Wait, what? [Growling] [Roars] [Screaming] - Whew.
We did it.
- That was close.
- Ah! - Damn.
Oh, no, dude, we're sinking.
- What are we gonna do? - Hey, dude, look! It's a boat! That must be the dude that takes us to go see Satan.
Yeah, I was with two hot chicks, though.
No, one was from New York and one was from Atlanta.
- Help! Help us please! - Help! We're sinking.
Hold up, hold up.
Quick, get in! Hey, thanks for saving us, dude.
Yeah, we're here to see Satan, can you bring us to him? [Laughing] I got you.
Brothers: Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Ah! - Whoa! Yeah, went back to the hotel.
Then we all took showers, 'cause we was rolling off the molly so hard.
Is he talking to us now? Nah, dude.
I think he's still on the phone.
How does he even get reception down here? - Yo, look out! [Screams] - Whoa! Then we did some more.
And then we just laid in the bed and just watched Seinfeld.
[Rumbling] Yo, look out, dude! Behind you! Oh, shit, hold up.
Hold up.
Hello? Can you hear me? It was actually the Timberland episode.
The one when George gets some Tims.
Good episode, too.
- Here we are, see you later.
- Thanks for the ride, dude.
Hey, yo, yo, yo, heed this warning, Lucas brothers.
Don't play games with Satan.
He always got some tricks up his sleeve.
[Chuckles] [Phone buzzing] What up, what up? Nah, I just actually sweated a lot.
[Chuckles] [Knocking] [Laughing manically] Both: Whoa! Look who we got here! - The Lucas bros.
- Hey, Satan, what's good? Oh, you know, stealing souls.
And giving no [bleep].
You know, that's actually what we wanted to talk to you about.
- Oh, word? - Oh, yeah.
Remember how we recently gave you our souls for the skills to beat Sub-zero in Mortal kombat? How could I forget? That shit was, like, two days ago.
Yeah, we're gonna need it back now so we can win a soul food cook-off.
Oh, yeah, sure.
I got it right here.
Psych! No way! - Damn, man.
Why is Satan so mean? - You know, you really suck, Satan.
Look, I wanna help you.
I really do, okay? But, I can't just give you your soul back.
That won't be much fun.
What do you say we play a game? I don't know, man.
We were told not to play games with you.
Well, what if that game was Mortal kombat? Hiyaa! So, what you're saying, if we win at Mortal kombat, - we get our soul back? - Yeah.
And if you lose you do dishes in hell forever! Yo, dude, I don't know about this, man.
Doing dishes in hell sounds way worse than doing dishes on Earth.
Maybe we can just go back home and lose the cook-off? Absolutely not, dude.
We can't lose.
We already sold our souls to be good at Mortal kombat.
- This should be easy.
- I don't know, man.
[Clucking] Chicken! - All right, fine! We're in! - You got yourself a deal, Satan.
[Laughs maniacally] [Beeps] Lucas brothers versus Sub-zero.
Oh, one more thing, uh, in hell, video games are real life.
[Ding] Wait, what? Trick up my sleeve! Both: Uh-oh.
[Gong sounds] Mortal kombat! [Electronic music plays] [Rap music playing] Whoa, whoa.
[Grunts] [Grunting] - Ah! - Whoa! [Both grunt] Oh, man, I'm dying.
I'm sorry, Kenny.
It looks like you'll be doing dishes in hell by yourself.
Hey, wait, I don't think that's blood.
It's the Hot-Ass hot sauce! Oh, snap! You're right! I'm not dying! We're always forgetting the hot sauce, man.
Finish them! [Grunting] Yo, you think the Hot-Ass hot sauce is hot enough to melt Sub-zero? Only one way to find out.
Oh, no.
I'm melting! - Dope.
- We did it.
[Gong sounds] That was awesome.
Now, here's your soul back, Lucas brothers.
You earned it.
Thank you, very much, Satan.
Now, if you don't mind, we got a cook-off to win.
- Yeah, take it easy, dude.
- See you guys, soon! [Laughs maniacally] Mmm.
I cannot lie to you.
This is some serious soul food, Barbershop.
[Laughing] Clean up my dishes, Lucas butlers! [Laughing] Now, let's see what the Lucas brothers got cooking.
Hold on a second, Jerrod.
We forgot something.
Yo, dude, what are you doing? We already added the hot sauce.
Yeah, I know.
But not the soul.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
Now you try it.
Kenny, Keef.
[Sighs] I'm gonna be honest with you.
This is the best soul food I've ever eaten! The Lucas brothers win! [Gong sounds] Toasty! Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I was selling weed when I was working at the Burger King, but, I smoked weed at the time too.
So, I like chicken sandwiches a lot, so, I figured I wouldn't have to spend no money on food if I worked at Burger King.
It's like, I thought I was winning, but I wasn't, 'cause it was hard labor, man.
It was 99 cent whopper time, and I said [bleep] this shit.
[Laughing] Oh, snap [Giggling]