Man Seeking Woman (2015) s02e04 Episode Script
Tinsel
Ding dong.
The presence of one Liz Greenberg, Esquire, is sincerely requested at the holiday party taking place just outside this boardroom.
Yeah, sorry, Jimmy.
I've got so much work to finish before the break.
Merry Christmas, Liz.
Have a nice holiday.
Hold the mistletoe.
- Did Jimmy just ask you out? - No.
I don't think that could be considered asking someone out.
Jimmy's not my type.
Cute and funny not your type? I'm sorry.
I'm not wasting my time with some junior associate.
- Stay back! - Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
I didn't mean to frighten you.
My name my name is Santa.
Santa Claus.
Oh, my God.
Of course I know who you are.
I'm But you, of course, are not Jenny De Santos, which means that this Barbie Dream Car is not for you.
I'm going to have to take it up with the elves, I guess.
I'm Liz, by the way.
Liz Greenberg.
Wait a minute.
You're not Are you Elizabeth Greenberg from Evanston? Yes, I am.
How did you know that? You requested a graphing calculator.
You don't often forget a gift like that.
Not in a sea of My Little Ponies.
I can't believe you remember that.
I was just a little girl.
Well, you're not a little girl anymore.
The needle's loose.
Do you mind if I, uh, take a look? - Sure.
- I'm a tinkerer by trade.
I built my entire operation from the ground up.
Now, of course we have all these systems in place, but, man, do I miss the days when I got to work with my hands.
Chet Jenks Trio.
- Mm-hmm.
- Man, you have great taste.
There's my ride.
Mmm.
This has been a much nicer treat than milk and cookies.
Don't work too hard tonight, Liz.
It's Christmas.
That's my job.
Hi, Liz.
Welcome back.
Nice holiday? Nothing exciting.
I was just working.
Well, this just came for you.
What is that? - Who's it from? - Well, I don't know.
"Thanks for providing the sweetest treat of the night.
Best regards, SC.
" Nothing exciting, huh, Smiley? This is from my mother.
- Yeah, right.
- Hey.
SC? Liz is this from Santa Claus? Yes, it is.
Elizabeth, you secret little slut.
He's married.
And we are just friends.
Now, get back to work.
I need the research on the class action by 5:00 p.
m.
Slut.
Be more professional.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Whew.
"Liz, so nice to get this.
"Thought of you while listening to an old Chet Jenks LP, "'Sweet and Succulent.
' "Look it up.
XX, Santa.
" Look what I found.
"Jackpot.
" "Which one of these is not like the other?" Do you know anyone who likes cookies? "Save some for me.
I'll bring the milk.
" "Hey, Liz, I'll be in town for a work thing next week.
"Staying at the Grafton.
"No pressure, but if you're around, might be fun to grab a drink.
" - Jessica.
- Huh? Can you enter my office, please? - Sure.
- Close the door.
Is everything all right? Santa Claus is coming to town.
OMG.
He wants me to meet him at his hotel for a drink.
You have to go.
Of course I can't go.
He's married.
Liz, this is Santa we're talking about.
Literally thousands of girls would kill to be in your position.
Okay, well that's not who I am.
Liz.
You look even more stunning than I remember.
Thank you.
Can I get you something to drink? I'll have a white wine.
Cocoa with rum and a candy cane twist.
Are you Santa? No.
But I get that a lot.
Sometimes you just wanna be anonymous, you know? Like when you're having drinks with a woman who's not your wife.
I can't stop thinking about you, Liz.
I've been going crazy.
But you're married.
Well, yes, technically I'm still married, but it's a dead marriage, Liz.
And it has been for years.
We don't even sleep in the same room anymore.
It's a friendship.
It's a partnership.
We run a holiday together.
Liz that's all it is.
I want you, Liz.
Santa, we can't.
We can't.
But if we could what would it be like? First, I'd caress your sugarplums with my fingertips over your blouse.
Just a taste of what's to come.
And then I'd peel off your clothes and I'd pour cold, cold milk all over your hot, hot body.
Then I would order you to untoggle my suit with your teeth while I tickle your anus with the ball of my cap.
I'd tell you to get on top, and you'd ride me like a sleigh My hot balls pressed against your thigh.
They're so full of jelly.
That's enough.
Take me upstairs.
I got something going out.
- I hear you, but Jeffrey - Hey, Jimmy.
Do you want to be right or do you want to win? All right, then we're going to do it my way.
- Ah.
- Hey, Liz.
A group of us are headed to O'Donnell's if you want to grab a beer.
My treat.
I'm sorry, I've got plans.
Working late again? Actually, I'm meeting up with my boyfriend.
Oh.
Okay.
Have fun.
Okay - Ah! - Oh Wowee.
Oh, my God.
To all a good night.
Ah.
You know, out of, like, a 4.
1.
Oh, you mean above the most Yeah, above the most you that can get.
But the university wouldn't let them.
Elizabeth? Is that you? Oh, my God.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, hi.
Whatty whoa? - Oh.
- What are you doing here? I'm sorry, am I not allowed to come into the city? - Uh, you are allowed.
- Who's your friend? Sorry, hi.
This is Santa.
- Hello.
- Santa, this is my mother.
We're working on this crazy case.
Must be quite the case.
Oh, I'm so sorry, listen, I have to take this.
Mrs.
Greenberg, it was such a pleasure to meet you.
Liz, I'm going to call you this week, and we're going to touch base about that case.
Ab solutely.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Liz.
- Yeah.
- That man is married.
- Look, Mom, they're not even sleeping in the same room anymore.
Oh, honey.
Do you know that all men tell their mistresses that? Stop, Mom I'm not in the mood for a lecture right now.
I know about these things, Liz they do not end well.
Mom, just shut up, okay? I'm not a child, and you don't know anything about it anyway.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit, oh shit, oh shit.
I'm sorry, do we have an appointment? I don't need an appointment.
I'm his wife.
Oh, I see.
You know, for a lawyer, you are not very smart.
You know, it's illegal to open someone else's mail.
Mmm.
It was sent to my house.
Hey, Liz, do you have the Look, I know you probably think that you and Santa have something special, but let me set the record straight you don't.
If I were you, I would save what dignity I have left and end it now.
This seems like a conversation you should be having with your husband.
I'm just trying to help you, woman to woman.
The only thing you're trying to do is get me out of the way, because I think you know deep down that Santa loves me.
That's a nice lie for you to tell yourself.
I suppose that's how you justify behaving like a whore.
Well, you're wrong about us.
Really? Prove it.
You all right? Mm-hmm.
You know, clear my schedule.
I've got work to do.
Hey, honey, listen.
I'm so sorry just to pop in on you like this, but I wanted to tell you this face-to-face.
- Mmm? - Vicki knows about us.
I know.
She came to my office.
Shit.
She didn't make it seem like such a dead marriage.
Liz, honey.
This time together, it's been the most incredible time of my life, but I've been talking with my wife, and I think it's time that you and I were honest with each other about what this really is.
Wait, before you go any further, - I have something for you.
- No, Liz, honey, please don't make this more difficult than it needs to be.
Let's just Please, just open it.
Oh, you didn't.
This could be us every night.
Every night? Oh, okay, Liz.
Just like we talked about, okay? Do you love me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just send the train, Liz.
Send the train.
Tell me you'll leave her and I'll give you anything you want.
I'll leave her.
Just send the train.
I love you.
I'll leave her.
I love you.
I'll leave her.
I love you.
Aaah! I can't believe I'm walking down the street with you in the middle of the day.
I can't believe I'm out with the prettiest girl in the city.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Hey, what's up? How's it going? Hi.
Just ignore it.
How is it? It's okay.
You know, Vicki used to put, like, a little bit of chili in the oil.
Kind of gave it a little bit more flavor.
Ah, look, forget about it.
Did you look for a job today? Yeah, I mean, there's nothing.
Really, nothing? Liz, honey, I-I used to run Christmas, for Christ sakes.
I mean what, am I supposed to now go and clean bathrooms at Starbucks? No one's suggesting that you work at Starbucks.
Honey.
Honey, you're gulping.
Oh, that I'm sorry that offends you.
Ah Ah.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
It's just not, uh, it's just not working.
May I help you? Uh I think you've got the wrong holiday.
Tricks are for Halloween.
This is her? I thought you said she was skinny.
I'm so sorry, Vicki.
I made a huge mistake, and you are correct to hate me.
You better tell me what you came to say before I lose my patience with you.
It's Santa.
He's not jolly anymore.
I found his toy sack last night, and it was just filled with empty bottles.
Well, I guess that's your problem now, isn't it? He's not the same man without you.
She's not the same, either.
Okay, Janice, that's enough.
She used to walk around the shop caroling and spreading cheer, but now she's so on edge.
Buttercup short wrapped a present, and she told him he was worthless.
Janice, shut your mouth.
No, you need to hear this.
You and Santa have always been better together than you are apart.
- You need each other.
- No, no, no.
I do not need that lying, cheating son of a bitch.
I can do Christmas all by myself.
Of course you can do Christmas alone, Vicki.
The question is, do you want to? You can lie to me all you want.
You can lie to this bitch all you want, but you can't lie to yourself.
You love Santa.
He humiliated me.
How am I supposed to take him back after that? You guys can get through it if you work together.
I know you can.
How? I heard somewhere that you're a fighter.
She certainly doesn't keep house, does she? Vicki.
I can't believe you're actually here.
I'm so sorry, baby.
I'm so sorry about everything.
I'm sorry to you too, Liz.
Please take me take me back.
I'll change.
Oh, God, I promise.
What do you What do you say? I say you look like shit.
Microwave burritos? What, is she trying to kill you? Damn, you're a fat [bleep.]
.
But you're my fat [bleep.]
.
I love you, Santa.
Oh, Santa, oh.
Let's get you home and get a good meal into you.
God, I missed you.
I missed you so much.
Tell it to the elves.
Let me grab all my shit.
Is Rudolph here? Mm-hmm.
He's here.
Santa and Mrs.
Claus's vow renewal ceremony was said to be the event of the season.
Guests included Anna Wintour, the Kardashian Wests, and over 300 elves.
They dined on a meal of sugarplums, licorice, and gingerbread houses.
Vicki Claus looked stunning as usual, and sources say Santa could not keep his eyes or hands off his beautiful bride.
The presence of one Liz Greenberg, Esquire, is sincerely requested at the holiday party taking place just outside this boardroom.
Yeah, sorry, Jimmy.
I've got so much work to finish before the break.
Merry Christmas, Liz.
Have a nice holiday.
Hold the mistletoe.
- Did Jimmy just ask you out? - No.
I don't think that could be considered asking someone out.
Jimmy's not my type.
Cute and funny not your type? I'm sorry.
I'm not wasting my time with some junior associate.
- Stay back! - Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
I didn't mean to frighten you.
My name my name is Santa.
Santa Claus.
Oh, my God.
Of course I know who you are.
I'm But you, of course, are not Jenny De Santos, which means that this Barbie Dream Car is not for you.
I'm going to have to take it up with the elves, I guess.
I'm Liz, by the way.
Liz Greenberg.
Wait a minute.
You're not Are you Elizabeth Greenberg from Evanston? Yes, I am.
How did you know that? You requested a graphing calculator.
You don't often forget a gift like that.
Not in a sea of My Little Ponies.
I can't believe you remember that.
I was just a little girl.
Well, you're not a little girl anymore.
The needle's loose.
Do you mind if I, uh, take a look? - Sure.
- I'm a tinkerer by trade.
I built my entire operation from the ground up.
Now, of course we have all these systems in place, but, man, do I miss the days when I got to work with my hands.
Chet Jenks Trio.
- Mm-hmm.
- Man, you have great taste.
There's my ride.
Mmm.
This has been a much nicer treat than milk and cookies.
Don't work too hard tonight, Liz.
It's Christmas.
That's my job.
Hi, Liz.
Welcome back.
Nice holiday? Nothing exciting.
I was just working.
Well, this just came for you.
What is that? - Who's it from? - Well, I don't know.
"Thanks for providing the sweetest treat of the night.
Best regards, SC.
" Nothing exciting, huh, Smiley? This is from my mother.
- Yeah, right.
- Hey.
SC? Liz is this from Santa Claus? Yes, it is.
Elizabeth, you secret little slut.
He's married.
And we are just friends.
Now, get back to work.
I need the research on the class action by 5:00 p.
m.
Slut.
Be more professional.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Whew.
"Liz, so nice to get this.
"Thought of you while listening to an old Chet Jenks LP, "'Sweet and Succulent.
' "Look it up.
XX, Santa.
" Look what I found.
"Jackpot.
" "Which one of these is not like the other?" Do you know anyone who likes cookies? "Save some for me.
I'll bring the milk.
" "Hey, Liz, I'll be in town for a work thing next week.
"Staying at the Grafton.
"No pressure, but if you're around, might be fun to grab a drink.
" - Jessica.
- Huh? Can you enter my office, please? - Sure.
- Close the door.
Is everything all right? Santa Claus is coming to town.
OMG.
He wants me to meet him at his hotel for a drink.
You have to go.
Of course I can't go.
He's married.
Liz, this is Santa we're talking about.
Literally thousands of girls would kill to be in your position.
Okay, well that's not who I am.
Liz.
You look even more stunning than I remember.
Thank you.
Can I get you something to drink? I'll have a white wine.
Cocoa with rum and a candy cane twist.
Are you Santa? No.
But I get that a lot.
Sometimes you just wanna be anonymous, you know? Like when you're having drinks with a woman who's not your wife.
I can't stop thinking about you, Liz.
I've been going crazy.
But you're married.
Well, yes, technically I'm still married, but it's a dead marriage, Liz.
And it has been for years.
We don't even sleep in the same room anymore.
It's a friendship.
It's a partnership.
We run a holiday together.
Liz that's all it is.
I want you, Liz.
Santa, we can't.
We can't.
But if we could what would it be like? First, I'd caress your sugarplums with my fingertips over your blouse.
Just a taste of what's to come.
And then I'd peel off your clothes and I'd pour cold, cold milk all over your hot, hot body.
Then I would order you to untoggle my suit with your teeth while I tickle your anus with the ball of my cap.
I'd tell you to get on top, and you'd ride me like a sleigh My hot balls pressed against your thigh.
They're so full of jelly.
That's enough.
Take me upstairs.
I got something going out.
- I hear you, but Jeffrey - Hey, Jimmy.
Do you want to be right or do you want to win? All right, then we're going to do it my way.
- Ah.
- Hey, Liz.
A group of us are headed to O'Donnell's if you want to grab a beer.
My treat.
I'm sorry, I've got plans.
Working late again? Actually, I'm meeting up with my boyfriend.
Oh.
Okay.
Have fun.
Okay - Ah! - Oh Wowee.
Oh, my God.
To all a good night.
Ah.
You know, out of, like, a 4.
1.
Oh, you mean above the most Yeah, above the most you that can get.
But the university wouldn't let them.
Elizabeth? Is that you? Oh, my God.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, hi.
Whatty whoa? - Oh.
- What are you doing here? I'm sorry, am I not allowed to come into the city? - Uh, you are allowed.
- Who's your friend? Sorry, hi.
This is Santa.
- Hello.
- Santa, this is my mother.
We're working on this crazy case.
Must be quite the case.
Oh, I'm so sorry, listen, I have to take this.
Mrs.
Greenberg, it was such a pleasure to meet you.
Liz, I'm going to call you this week, and we're going to touch base about that case.
Ab solutely.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Liz.
- Yeah.
- That man is married.
- Look, Mom, they're not even sleeping in the same room anymore.
Oh, honey.
Do you know that all men tell their mistresses that? Stop, Mom I'm not in the mood for a lecture right now.
I know about these things, Liz they do not end well.
Mom, just shut up, okay? I'm not a child, and you don't know anything about it anyway.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit, oh shit, oh shit.
I'm sorry, do we have an appointment? I don't need an appointment.
I'm his wife.
Oh, I see.
You know, for a lawyer, you are not very smart.
You know, it's illegal to open someone else's mail.
Mmm.
It was sent to my house.
Hey, Liz, do you have the Look, I know you probably think that you and Santa have something special, but let me set the record straight you don't.
If I were you, I would save what dignity I have left and end it now.
This seems like a conversation you should be having with your husband.
I'm just trying to help you, woman to woman.
The only thing you're trying to do is get me out of the way, because I think you know deep down that Santa loves me.
That's a nice lie for you to tell yourself.
I suppose that's how you justify behaving like a whore.
Well, you're wrong about us.
Really? Prove it.
You all right? Mm-hmm.
You know, clear my schedule.
I've got work to do.
Hey, honey, listen.
I'm so sorry just to pop in on you like this, but I wanted to tell you this face-to-face.
- Mmm? - Vicki knows about us.
I know.
She came to my office.
Shit.
She didn't make it seem like such a dead marriage.
Liz, honey.
This time together, it's been the most incredible time of my life, but I've been talking with my wife, and I think it's time that you and I were honest with each other about what this really is.
Wait, before you go any further, - I have something for you.
- No, Liz, honey, please don't make this more difficult than it needs to be.
Let's just Please, just open it.
Oh, you didn't.
This could be us every night.
Every night? Oh, okay, Liz.
Just like we talked about, okay? Do you love me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just send the train, Liz.
Send the train.
Tell me you'll leave her and I'll give you anything you want.
I'll leave her.
Just send the train.
I love you.
I'll leave her.
I love you.
I'll leave her.
I love you.
Aaah! I can't believe I'm walking down the street with you in the middle of the day.
I can't believe I'm out with the prettiest girl in the city.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Hey, what's up? How's it going? Hi.
Just ignore it.
How is it? It's okay.
You know, Vicki used to put, like, a little bit of chili in the oil.
Kind of gave it a little bit more flavor.
Ah, look, forget about it.
Did you look for a job today? Yeah, I mean, there's nothing.
Really, nothing? Liz, honey, I-I used to run Christmas, for Christ sakes.
I mean what, am I supposed to now go and clean bathrooms at Starbucks? No one's suggesting that you work at Starbucks.
Honey.
Honey, you're gulping.
Oh, that I'm sorry that offends you.
Ah Ah.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
It's just not, uh, it's just not working.
May I help you? Uh I think you've got the wrong holiday.
Tricks are for Halloween.
This is her? I thought you said she was skinny.
I'm so sorry, Vicki.
I made a huge mistake, and you are correct to hate me.
You better tell me what you came to say before I lose my patience with you.
It's Santa.
He's not jolly anymore.
I found his toy sack last night, and it was just filled with empty bottles.
Well, I guess that's your problem now, isn't it? He's not the same man without you.
She's not the same, either.
Okay, Janice, that's enough.
She used to walk around the shop caroling and spreading cheer, but now she's so on edge.
Buttercup short wrapped a present, and she told him he was worthless.
Janice, shut your mouth.
No, you need to hear this.
You and Santa have always been better together than you are apart.
- You need each other.
- No, no, no.
I do not need that lying, cheating son of a bitch.
I can do Christmas all by myself.
Of course you can do Christmas alone, Vicki.
The question is, do you want to? You can lie to me all you want.
You can lie to this bitch all you want, but you can't lie to yourself.
You love Santa.
He humiliated me.
How am I supposed to take him back after that? You guys can get through it if you work together.
I know you can.
How? I heard somewhere that you're a fighter.
She certainly doesn't keep house, does she? Vicki.
I can't believe you're actually here.
I'm so sorry, baby.
I'm so sorry about everything.
I'm sorry to you too, Liz.
Please take me take me back.
I'll change.
Oh, God, I promise.
What do you What do you say? I say you look like shit.
Microwave burritos? What, is she trying to kill you? Damn, you're a fat [bleep.]
.
But you're my fat [bleep.]
.
I love you, Santa.
Oh, Santa, oh.
Let's get you home and get a good meal into you.
God, I missed you.
I missed you so much.
Tell it to the elves.
Let me grab all my shit.
Is Rudolph here? Mm-hmm.
He's here.
Santa and Mrs.
Claus's vow renewal ceremony was said to be the event of the season.
Guests included Anna Wintour, the Kardashian Wests, and over 300 elves.
They dined on a meal of sugarplums, licorice, and gingerbread houses.
Vicki Claus looked stunning as usual, and sources say Santa could not keep his eyes or hands off his beautiful bride.