Men at Work (2012) Episode Scripts

N/A - Tyler the Pioneer

Controversial cereal choice.
- Excuse me? - Cap'n crunch.
You know he's not actually in the military, right? You know, most men don't typically buy so much conditioner, right? Most men's hair doesn't have this kind of volume.
Neither do most women's.
Why, thank you.
[ Laughs ] I was trying to make a joke at your expense.
Says the woman buying peanut butter and jelly in the same jar.
That's not for me.
You have a boyfriend? No.
She has kids! - Whoa! - Kids! Was it in the jelly aisle or the peanut-butter aisle? So, she's married? No.
She's divorced.
Her name's Meg.
We hit it off.
Have you ever dated a mother before? - Other than yours? - Other than yours? Oh! Come on! Nice one.
Nice one.
Nice one.
Good timing.
Yes, this is my first mom.
It's a new frontier.
I'm a pioneer, like a canary in a coal mine.
You know, they brought the canary in to die first in case there was poisonous gasses.
Mm, I'm pretty sure they were there to sing for the miners.
So, when are you taking her out? Tonight.
- With the kids? - Nope, she got a sitter.
Woman with kids.
Sounds complicated.
Lot of moving parts.
And I will navigate those moving parts with my trusty canary singing on my shoulder.
You didn't really hook up with my mother, right? 'Cause when she drinks, she doesn't stop talking about you.
Well, that depends.
Do you count making out as hooking up? I'm kidding.
[ Both laugh ] He's not kidding.
Well, what I'm wondering is, for a hutt, do you think Jabba was overweight or just normal-sized? How do you know he wasn't underweight? Gibbs, what do you think? I think you guys tricked me into being friends with you.
Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What's up, Stu? Is it box day? We didn't get the memo.
[ Laughter ] No, it it's actually "I got fired" day.
So, uh, I guess it is box day, but only for me.
- That's awful.
- That's terrible.
Hey, Stu, didn't you have that awesome office with the west-facing window? Sunsets were so majestic.
They almost made me believe in God.
Hey, did they mention who's gonna take over your office? And if the mini-fridge is staying? No, apparently, they're gonna turn my office into storage, which is fitting commentary on my wasted life.
So, how soon till you're all cleared out? Uh, this is my last trip.
[ Chuckles ] The rest of it's down in my car, which I'm probably gonna have to sell.
Well, see you guys around the office, right? - Oh.
- All right, okay.
[ Sighs ] Well, I, uh, got to get back to work, so Oh, yeah, me me, too.
Look at us Three working guys.
[ Both grunt ] - Gibbs! - Dibs! Did you say "Gibbs?" Yeah.
Gibbs on the office.
No, it's dibs.
It's not Gibbs.
Gibbs on the office! Hmm.
We already had a tie.
What took you so long? Somebody tripped me.
It was me.
Okay, well, obviously, we all want this office.
The question is Who really needs this office? - Me! - Gibbs! You don't need an office, Gibbs.
You have the photo studio.
No, I work in the studio, but there isn't a proper desk, and it is constantly filled with work people.
[ Dance music plays ] [ Indistinct conversations ] I'll admit on paper, it sounds great.
And even off paper, it is great.
But writing on models' backs is not easy.
They're super bony.
Okay, I actually have a real reason for needing an office.
I work in the bullpen, where it is impossible to write with people hovering and bothering me all day.
Yeah, who's always bothering you at work? Tyler: But they both have tiny arms.
Yeah, but I'm talking about brute strength.
Okay, Neal, who would win in a fistfight between Cee Lo and a baby T-Rex? Baby T-Rex.
It's a dinosaur.
That's what I said, man! No, no, no, no.
Neal doesn't know! Milo, look it up.
If you're gonna look that up I believe we have a winner, so I'm just gonna start moving in my stuff.
Not so fast, beardy smurf.
I haven't made my case.
You already have an office.
Yeah, that I share with Donny, the story troller.
What's a story troller? You know, one of those people who always baits you into listening to their awful stories.
Whew! Ah! I know.
I'm wearing the same shirt as yesterday.
[ Grunts ] Didn't notice.
[ Grunts ] Had no choice, bro.
- Uh-huh.
- It was "ridonkulous.
" [ Grunts ] Oh, what happened? Glad you asked, Neal.
So, I'm heading downtown to meet Travis for a drink.
You know Travis, right? I call him boot Travis 'cause he's always wearing boots Well, not always, but sometimes.
So, anyway, I'm in a cab 'cause I know I'm gonna get hammered.
He just never stops.
We've all made some really good arguments, except for Neal and Gibbs.
And since we can't agree, I guess no one gets the office.
- All right.
- Sounds good.
All right, well, let's just head on back to our desks.
[ Sighs ] None of us are moving.
I guess this is how we're gonna decide.
A test of wills.
The last man in the office wins? Done.
It's on.
I could live here for weeks.
Quick bathroom break before we start? - Please.
- Thank God you said that.
[ Doorbell rings ] Hey.
You must be Tyler.
Is this Meg's place? Yeah, she's just getting out of the shower.
She gets ready fast, though.
Don't worry.
Not what I was worried about.
I'm Bryan.
I'm looking after the kids tonight.
You okay? You look a little freaked out.
I'm sorry.
I just didn't expect a good-looking, male babysitter.
Well, hey, sailor, you're not so bad yourself.
No, it's just, uh, I've never dated a woman with kids before.
So this is all a little new to me.
It's no different than dating anybody else.
Sorry to keep you.
I see you've met my ex-husband.
Maybe it's a little different.
What are you guys doing in here, and why does it smell like curry? Well, we all want this office, so we stayed here overnight.
And we ordered Indian food, which may have been a mistake because we stayed here overnight.
Where did you sleep? Where did you go to the bathroom? We got a system.
That's all you need to know.
So, how was your mom date? Oh, Meg and I had a great time.
I also met her ex-husband, Bryan, who was her babysitter, which seemed weird at first.
But after talking to him a little bit, he's actually a really cool guy.
You met her ex-husband on the first date? That's crazy.
Pioneers encounter all sorts of obstacles on the frontier Typhoid, ex-husbands, and bears.
Oh, my.
So, are you guys just planning on staying in here forever? If that's what it takes.
I say we up the ante and stop ordering food.
You know I'm hypoglycemic.
Well, maybe someone whose body doesn't know how to regulate sugar doesn't deserve this office.
My body knows how to regulate sugar.
Mine, too.
- Normal bodies! - Normal bodies! You guys are getting this office over my dead body.
I'm okay with that, Neal.
Look at you guys.
Meg and Bryan are divorced, and they have found a way to raise two kids in perfect harmony.
You guys are best friends.
You can't even share an office.
Shame on you.
Oh, thanks, buddy.
See, this is nice.
Tyler was right.
What were we thinking, fighting over an office that is plenty big enough for us to share? [ Scoffs ] Warm you up, roomie? Don't mind if I do, neighbor.
[ Slurping ] - Hey, Milo? - Yes, friend? Love that you're enjoying the Joe, but any chance you could enjoy it a little quieter? Oh.
[ Chuckles ] Was I slurping? Just a tad.
My apologies, guys.
Won't happen again.
I'm glad you said something.
'Cause when you're sharing a place this size, if one guy's annoying, it could be really miserable for the other two.
Might even force those other two to leave.
Leaving the office for just that one.
The one that was most annoying.
[ Slurps ] [ Gargles ] [ Telephone beeps ] [ Slurps ] Hello! This is Neal Bradford from Full Steemmagazine! [ Gargles ] Uh-huh! Yeah! Uh-huh! Yeah! [ Doorbell rings ] Tyler! Hey, man.
Come on in.
Meg got held up at work, but she should be here any minute.
So, are you like the regular babysitter? Well, they are my kids.
Plus, Meg never canceled my NBA pass, and I like watching the Knicks try to be good at basketball.
Is this still throwing you off? No, no, I mean, uh I think it's great that you guys get along so well and that you're here at the beginning and end of all my dates.
[ Chuckles ] It took some time, but we're honestly better now than when we were married.
[ Cellphone rings ] It's Meg.
Yeah, I just got here.
Oh, no.
That's too bad.
No, no, don't worry about it.
I'll, uh I'll talk to you later.
[ Cellphone beeps ] She's gonna be working late.
So, I guess I should head out.
Oh, come on.
How do you miss that? Hey, hey, sit.
I was gonna order Chinese.
Are you sure? I don't want to crash Come on! Pull up a couch, but I can't promise I'll put out.
Well, then, you're nothing like Meg.
That's the mother of my children, friend.
Oh, Bryan, I'm so sorry.
- I didn't mean - [ Chuckles ] Dude! I'm just messing with you! [ Laughs ] You're so easy! Not as easy as Meg.
That's enough.
Oh, Bryan, I-I Really, like I said, I-I didn't mean to So easy.
[ Laughs ] Careful, Neal.
Someone may have accidentally spilled honey on your seat.
Might have been the bees.
We put bees in your desk.
Okay, guys, I've been thinking.
Our friendship is far more important than some silly office, so, as of now, I'm I'm dropping out of the race.
- Really? - Really.
I'm done.
Good luck, fellas.
That was easy.
One down.
One to go.
Sorry, Gibbs, but you're gonna have to be the one to go Once I figure out your weakness.
I hope it's bees.
Hey, guys.
Sorry to bug you.
I just forgot one thing.
You guys remember my office mate, Donny, right? Oh, no.
What's up, player boys? [ Clears throat ] Ah, what a weekend.
I am sore.
- Really? - Yeah.
Sore from what? What am I not sore from, chachi? Whew! Three words Cham.
[ Smacks lips ] Enjoy.
Oh, this? Yeah, it's leather.
No, ho, ho, ho! You needed that one.
You needed that one.
Game point.
All right, all right, all right.
Time to lock it down on defense.
You know defense means you're supposed to stop me from scoring, right? Nope, store's closed.
Shh! I think I heard the kids.
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho! So easy! Hey, Bryan, I'm sorry I'm so late.
Tyler, hey.
What are you doing here? Hey, Meg.
I, uh, I got caught up watching the game, and then it kind of turned into an all-out battle.
I'm gonna go check on the kids and get out of here.
I'm so sorry about canceling.
Oh, don't worry about it.
Bryan and I had a good time.
Yeah, he can be pretty fun.
So, I haven't eaten yet.
Do you want to order some food? Ugh, I would, but Bryan and me ordered Chinese.
Bryan didn't think I could eat it all.
And he was wrong.
Why are there four dumplings in the bathroom trash can? [ Laughs ] Oh, busted! All right, I'm heading uptown.
- Me, too.
- Yeah? You want to share a cab? You bet.
[ Sighs ] Call me tomorrow? - You got it! - You got it! [ Door closes ] I can't take it anymore.
He just keeps story trolling.
If he comes back, no matter what he says, we must resist.
God, I don't think I can.
He's just He's stronger than us.
Pull yourself together, damn it! Gentlemints.
Did I tell you guys about my trip to Kansas City? More like cougar city.
[ Clicks tongue ] [ Cellphone chimes ] Oh, geez.
Never trust a supermodel.
You know, since, uh Since we've all been hanging out so much lately and there's this empty desk here, I think this might be a good spot for my Latin grammy.
How did you get a Gibbs, no! Funny story, actually.
The only things you need to know are that Shakira flies commercial, and Donny and Shakira have identical carry-ons.
Bam! Well, look at this table for two.
Although, we'll probably have to pull up a chair for Bryan in a minute.
Bryan's coming? No, I was kidding, 'cause he's been a part of all of our dates so far.
Oh, right, got it.
Thank you so much for being so understanding about my crazy ex-husband situation.
I would really love for tonight just to be about you and I getting to know each other better.
I love that.
So, how come you and Bryan split up? It's a long story.
'Cause he seems like such a good guy.
No, he is.
He's great.
We just wanted different things.
Got it.
Fair enough.
What did he want? You know, that you wouldn't give him? Tyler, can we not worry about Bryan tonight? I'm sorry.
I did it again.
I'm Stu.
I'm gonna be your waiter.
Before I tell you the specials, is anyone interested in an '88 Accord? So, he wasn't a cop.
He was a security guard.
So, guess what I tell him my name is.
You'll never guess.
You win.
So, I tell captain golf cart my first name is Nunya and my last is Wait for it Damn biznass! [ Laughs ] Get it? "Nunya damn biznass.
" Get it? Yeah, you got it.
So let me get this straight, you convinced a girl you like to get back together with her ex? I really liked him, too.
So, what about the whole pioneer thing? What is a pioneer, anyway, if not a man in a stagecoach or canoe, who travels this great nation of ours repairing broken marriages.
Not what a pioneer is at all.
I'll tell you one thing Your buddy Bryan makes the hell out of a muffin.
Come on, Gibbs.
It's like you're trying to do that.
I am not.
[ Sighs ] So, Neal got Donny out of his office and into Stu's, and you guys are back where you started.
So it seems like Neal is the big winner.
Mm, not so much.
How's that? Well, apparently, an anonymous caller alerted corporate to an open desk, and they have since given Neal a new office mate.
Pretty sneaky.
Looks like I'm not the only pioneer in the group.
You really don't know what a pioneer is, do you? No idea.
So, who's Neal's new office mate? It's Bob from accounting.
You mean "Bobvious?" Yes, I do.
What's a "Bobvious?" Oh.
Hey, Bob.
So, glasses, huh? Yep.
I heard that.
Working, right? Sure am.
Stretching, huh? Been there.
Tired, yeah.
Pretty tired.