Metalocalypse (2006) s01e05 Episode Script
Dethkomedy
I am such one tired guy.
How come shopping is so stupid? - Whats I have now all this stuff.
What I do? - Yeah.
You know what? - Throw everything away.
That's what I do.
- Now I throws it away? - You're just going to die anyway.
- Guess it's full circle.
- Good-bye.
Burn it.
- OK.
- I thought you hated wearing a watch.
- I smash them.
Can I try to do that? Yeah, you can I mean, they're mine, but, yeah.
That's nice.
What's that, a Hamilton? - Yeah.
It's, you know, fun.
- Check it out, losers.
Direct your attention to my crotch.
See it? - That's pretty cool.
- Feel it.
Envy it.
- That is something else.
- Best purchase ever.
- That's good codpiece.
- It's not a big deal.
It's just totally diamond-encrusted with a titanium base.
Whats a coincidence.
I gots a real cool codpiece, too.
That's a dildo, strap-on dildo.
Screw you all off! My codpiece is the coolest! Ja.
Well - Jealous! - Anybody else get something's cool? Yeah.
I was trying to shop but I'm just too drunk right now.
I tried to buy that cinnamon bun franchise thing but - Oh, yeah.
What the hell? - Too drunk.
There you are.
I've been trying to get in touch with you all day.
Cinnamon buns.
Today's our big employee evaluation conference conference and raffle.
That's a funny one.
Who cares about that? Well, perhaps you should care because it has come to our attention that one of our employees is a major embezzler.
Awesome! Right? Embezzle? What means that? Well, it's a super awesome way of saying take having something.
Hey, guys.
I have the good use of the words unsbozzle.
My lungs unsbozzle the air from the earth as I can breathe it, period.
Well, I don't see the humor in any of it.
Oh, lighten up, Mr.
Dooms and Gloom.
Embezzle is metal.
Well, who's the guy embezzling from, you know, anyway? - Well, he's embezzling from you.
- No! ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ Dethklok is now the 12th largest economy in the world.
They've just passed Belgium and they're holding their annual employee conference conference and raffle.
This is the perfect time to let me put someone undercover.
With all the employees converging at Mordhaus, an agent could slip in there and find out what's really going on.
You have anyone in mind? Gentlemen, I give you number 216.
He's a master at infiltration and sabotage, and of course, he's a trained killer.
- He's perfect.
- But he'll just be gathering information.
Yes.
Of course.
OK.
So, number 421.
You are part of the sector 18 recording studio maintenance clean team.
OK.
A couple questions.
"How do you value your "What you contribute of, to, the work force?" Second part: "Which do you most, can't the least?" Skwisgaar Did you write these questions? I did.
OK.
Well, 421, do you have an answer? I'm a highly skilled microphone cleaner, my masters and what I most, can't the least would be doing not a bad job but always a good.
- OK.
Good answer.
- Well, that's all I got.
Guys? No.
I got one more question, and answer honestly.
- Are you embezzling from us? - No.
OK.
I believe you.
Well, you are all set, 421.
Thanks for doing a great job.
Hold, hold, hold everything.
I just want to say a little something personal.
How is Little Amanda and Scott, your children? Things are still rough with the divorce, huh? That's tough.
Are you still talking to Rachel? Yeah.
Well, hey.
Happy almost birthday! Two weeks, huh? Hey.
Get out of here.
You're done! - We are really, really good bosses.
- I know.
We cares about all of thems.
It's like a plantations but the slaves are friends.
- I would like to ask questions next time.
- Are you asking us to do that, Toki? - Ja.
I don't know.
- That's interesting.
You said, "I would likes to ask a question.
" That's a statement.
- What is the difference? - That's a great question.
Now that you're inside, I'm giving you a direct order.
I want you to locate Dethklok alone.
And when you do, I want you to kill them.
That is all.
Hey, you.
Let me see your security clearance.
Hello.
Would you have to seat? First of alls, how are you? We cares about each and every one of yous little, tiny goofballs.
Maybe I go crazy.
I'm sorry.
I thought I was asking the questions.
- Go ahead, go.
Don't be - I thought we agreed Who cares? OK.
Fine.
You ask the questions.
Fine.
I will! Am You What Are We Is A Dethklok employee? Attention.
Everyone please proceed to the performance atrium for the Dethklok employee motivational seminar and raffle.
Well, that's us.
Let's go.
Sorry, pal.
We're gonna have to do this later but could you do me a favor? Could you have a great day? Could you do that for me? Thanks.
Look at this ones, asleeps in some bloods.
We gots to get tougher on these guys maybe, huh? See what I'm talking about? Another guy.
This guy sleeps in bloods, too.
Yeah.
Well, all I can think about is the raffle.
- Can we win it? - Well, dude I hope so.
It's the only reason my ass is going there.
Oh, yeah, and there's gonna be an awesome motivational speaker.
Oh, my god.
I love being motivated.
I love being motivated! - Me, too! - I love being motivated! Come on! Is everybody ready to die? I can't hear you! Are you ready to die the death of opportunity? We're gonna hammersmack the face of workplace responsibility! Come on! Get up, get up! Come on! Grab a Welcome to the Dethklok employee forum where we're gonna learn to use your motormimation.
We're gonna learn how to be considerate at the workplace.
I have to works with you every day so please would you please take it easy on the cologne? While that hurts my feelings, I understand.
When you see a piece of trash on the ground, don't just stand there.
Pick it up.
Yeah.
And don't leave your lunch laying around either.
It attracts ants.
And most importantly remember, death is an everyday part of the workplace.
So when you see a dead body, don't freak out.
Just ring your death bell.
And now, an exclusive corporate video world premiere.
This is Briefcase Full of Guts.
~ Punch your clock ~ ~'cause your working day Is sucking I know ~ ~ Pushing hard For employee of the month ~ ~ You've got your tools of business ~ ~ And a copy for your clients ~ ~ And you come to work With your briefcase ~ ~ Full of guts ~ Friends and minions, it's time to meet Dethklok! It's me! Now go get them! And now the employee raffle.
William, the fishbowl.
Number 216.
Hey, dildo, I'm 216.
A fight! Kill each other! Punch his face off! Congratulations, 216.
You have won this diamond-encrusted codpiece.
So, wait a minute.
Stupid level-two employees get Viking funeral? That's bulls.
That's got to be expensive and, you know, still with the embezzler on the loose? Actually, accounting discovered who was embezzling this morning.
Oh, good.
We should kill that guy.
No police.
Well, there will be no action taken legal or otherwise.
What the hell? No punishment? Give me one reason! Because it was you, all of you.
You have been stealing from the company that you own.
Well, that's, you know That's bad, huh? Yes, it is, Nathan.
Maybe we can blame it on, somebody.
Him.
That guy.
Yes.
Let's do that.
We release you from your earthly duties.
And I yeah, doodly.
I don't know.
I get his pension.
Dibs! Called it.
How come shopping is so stupid? - Whats I have now all this stuff.
What I do? - Yeah.
You know what? - Throw everything away.
That's what I do.
- Now I throws it away? - You're just going to die anyway.
- Guess it's full circle.
- Good-bye.
Burn it.
- OK.
- I thought you hated wearing a watch.
- I smash them.
Can I try to do that? Yeah, you can I mean, they're mine, but, yeah.
That's nice.
What's that, a Hamilton? - Yeah.
It's, you know, fun.
- Check it out, losers.
Direct your attention to my crotch.
See it? - That's pretty cool.
- Feel it.
Envy it.
- That is something else.
- Best purchase ever.
- That's good codpiece.
- It's not a big deal.
It's just totally diamond-encrusted with a titanium base.
Whats a coincidence.
I gots a real cool codpiece, too.
That's a dildo, strap-on dildo.
Screw you all off! My codpiece is the coolest! Ja.
Well - Jealous! - Anybody else get something's cool? Yeah.
I was trying to shop but I'm just too drunk right now.
I tried to buy that cinnamon bun franchise thing but - Oh, yeah.
What the hell? - Too drunk.
There you are.
I've been trying to get in touch with you all day.
Cinnamon buns.
Today's our big employee evaluation conference conference and raffle.
That's a funny one.
Who cares about that? Well, perhaps you should care because it has come to our attention that one of our employees is a major embezzler.
Awesome! Right? Embezzle? What means that? Well, it's a super awesome way of saying take having something.
Hey, guys.
I have the good use of the words unsbozzle.
My lungs unsbozzle the air from the earth as I can breathe it, period.
Well, I don't see the humor in any of it.
Oh, lighten up, Mr.
Dooms and Gloom.
Embezzle is metal.
Well, who's the guy embezzling from, you know, anyway? - Well, he's embezzling from you.
- No! ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ Dethklok is now the 12th largest economy in the world.
They've just passed Belgium and they're holding their annual employee conference conference and raffle.
This is the perfect time to let me put someone undercover.
With all the employees converging at Mordhaus, an agent could slip in there and find out what's really going on.
You have anyone in mind? Gentlemen, I give you number 216.
He's a master at infiltration and sabotage, and of course, he's a trained killer.
- He's perfect.
- But he'll just be gathering information.
Yes.
Of course.
OK.
So, number 421.
You are part of the sector 18 recording studio maintenance clean team.
OK.
A couple questions.
"How do you value your "What you contribute of, to, the work force?" Second part: "Which do you most, can't the least?" Skwisgaar Did you write these questions? I did.
OK.
Well, 421, do you have an answer? I'm a highly skilled microphone cleaner, my masters and what I most, can't the least would be doing not a bad job but always a good.
- OK.
Good answer.
- Well, that's all I got.
Guys? No.
I got one more question, and answer honestly.
- Are you embezzling from us? - No.
OK.
I believe you.
Well, you are all set, 421.
Thanks for doing a great job.
Hold, hold, hold everything.
I just want to say a little something personal.
How is Little Amanda and Scott, your children? Things are still rough with the divorce, huh? That's tough.
Are you still talking to Rachel? Yeah.
Well, hey.
Happy almost birthday! Two weeks, huh? Hey.
Get out of here.
You're done! - We are really, really good bosses.
- I know.
We cares about all of thems.
It's like a plantations but the slaves are friends.
- I would like to ask questions next time.
- Are you asking us to do that, Toki? - Ja.
I don't know.
- That's interesting.
You said, "I would likes to ask a question.
" That's a statement.
- What is the difference? - That's a great question.
Now that you're inside, I'm giving you a direct order.
I want you to locate Dethklok alone.
And when you do, I want you to kill them.
That is all.
Hey, you.
Let me see your security clearance.
Hello.
Would you have to seat? First of alls, how are you? We cares about each and every one of yous little, tiny goofballs.
Maybe I go crazy.
I'm sorry.
I thought I was asking the questions.
- Go ahead, go.
Don't be - I thought we agreed Who cares? OK.
Fine.
You ask the questions.
Fine.
I will! Am You What Are We Is A Dethklok employee? Attention.
Everyone please proceed to the performance atrium for the Dethklok employee motivational seminar and raffle.
Well, that's us.
Let's go.
Sorry, pal.
We're gonna have to do this later but could you do me a favor? Could you have a great day? Could you do that for me? Thanks.
Look at this ones, asleeps in some bloods.
We gots to get tougher on these guys maybe, huh? See what I'm talking about? Another guy.
This guy sleeps in bloods, too.
Yeah.
Well, all I can think about is the raffle.
- Can we win it? - Well, dude I hope so.
It's the only reason my ass is going there.
Oh, yeah, and there's gonna be an awesome motivational speaker.
Oh, my god.
I love being motivated.
I love being motivated! - Me, too! - I love being motivated! Come on! Is everybody ready to die? I can't hear you! Are you ready to die the death of opportunity? We're gonna hammersmack the face of workplace responsibility! Come on! Get up, get up! Come on! Grab a Welcome to the Dethklok employee forum where we're gonna learn to use your motormimation.
We're gonna learn how to be considerate at the workplace.
I have to works with you every day so please would you please take it easy on the cologne? While that hurts my feelings, I understand.
When you see a piece of trash on the ground, don't just stand there.
Pick it up.
Yeah.
And don't leave your lunch laying around either.
It attracts ants.
And most importantly remember, death is an everyday part of the workplace.
So when you see a dead body, don't freak out.
Just ring your death bell.
And now, an exclusive corporate video world premiere.
This is Briefcase Full of Guts.
~ Punch your clock ~ ~'cause your working day Is sucking I know ~ ~ Pushing hard For employee of the month ~ ~ You've got your tools of business ~ ~ And a copy for your clients ~ ~ And you come to work With your briefcase ~ ~ Full of guts ~ Friends and minions, it's time to meet Dethklok! It's me! Now go get them! And now the employee raffle.
William, the fishbowl.
Number 216.
Hey, dildo, I'm 216.
A fight! Kill each other! Punch his face off! Congratulations, 216.
You have won this diamond-encrusted codpiece.
So, wait a minute.
Stupid level-two employees get Viking funeral? That's bulls.
That's got to be expensive and, you know, still with the embezzler on the loose? Actually, accounting discovered who was embezzling this morning.
Oh, good.
We should kill that guy.
No police.
Well, there will be no action taken legal or otherwise.
What the hell? No punishment? Give me one reason! Because it was you, all of you.
You have been stealing from the company that you own.
Well, that's, you know That's bad, huh? Yes, it is, Nathan.
Maybe we can blame it on, somebody.
Him.
That guy.
Yes.
Let's do that.
We release you from your earthly duties.
And I yeah, doodly.
I don't know.
I get his pension.
Dibs! Called it.