Metalocalypse (2006) s01e09 Episode Script
Mordland
They were known as Snakes n' Barrels a tough group of rock thugs from the wrong side of the tracks, with a ravenous madman at the forefront, a man simply known as Pickles who eventually became the legendary percussionist for Dethklok.
But years earlier, Pickles was a young Midwesterner on a bus headed for LA.
This boy couldn't have been older than 16 walked right into my pawn shop located on Fairfax and Wilson and he said, "Gimme your guitar.
" And I said, "Oh, we got this sweet old jazz box guitar.
" And he said, "No! I want that Gibson Les Paul gold-top with the humbuckers.
" Now, the way that he told me that, I just knew that he meant business.
And I was like, "Here comes.
This gonna be big.
" And the musical persistence of the young man paid off.
Within months, he had his own band signed to a major label.
This was the beginning of Snakes n' Barrels.
Record sales were through the roof but the constant touring took its toll on Snakes n' Barrels, and drug use became a regular part of their lives.
"Antonio shot heroin into his balls again this morning.
"He says this time it was an accident.
"I'm sure we'll have the usual difficulties on stage tonight.
"I know I sound like a broken record but I need heavier music.
" The scourge of drugs would force Snakes n' Barrels to disband nearly overnight at the top of their game.
Rumors of overdose and death circulated in the press leaving the world to forever ponder the possibility of a reunion.
Will there ever be Hey, we were watching that.
Dude, right.
So you can make fun of me, I know.
No way.
To compliment you.
You were such a beautifuls lady back then.
Maybe you wills alls favor us with makeups tips.
Hey, come on now.
That's very funny.
It's exciting.
Turn it back on.
I want to see what happens.
What do you mean? I'm here, that's what happened.
- That's the end of the story.
- Well, it's boring when you say it.
- I know.
- Pickle? This Snakes n' Barrels, it's It's not my cup of tea.
It sucks.
Well That's not a nice thing to say, Toki.
- Not my fault it sucks.
- Well, you know, it's still not I don't play in that band anymore.
It's history, all right? There's no need to be threatened.
- Hey! We're not threatened.
- I know.
I'm just It's over.
All I care about is Dethklok.
Pickles, can you come in here for a moment, please? Snakes n' Barrels' record sales have gone through the roof since the documentary began airing and there's interest of a reunion tour.
OK.
~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ Dethklok is on hiatus while Pickles reunites with Snakes n' Barrels.
Alone they are weak.
I believe the weakness lies in Snakes n' Barrels' predisposition for drug abuse.
We have full background reports on each.
Gentlemen, Antonio 'Tony' DeMarco Thunderbottom on bass guitar.
Once a major alcoholic.
He's now sober.
Sammy 'Candy Nose' Twinskins on drums, a crack cocaine fiend.
Sober.
On rhythm guitar, Snizzy 'Snaz' Bullets.
Hallucinogens and heroin left him with partial paralysis in the face.
Also sober.
Just because they're sober right now doesn't mean they can't relapse.
We have available somebody who could prove to be very important to us Military pharmaceutical psychotropic drug manufacturer Dr.
Amomolith Chesterfield.
I've been experimenting with a new kind of drug called Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake.
The smallest dosage of this drug will drive the user completely insane.
With a high enough dosage their memory will be wiped clear and thus be a blank slate waiting to be reprogrammed in any way one sees fit.
Once we reprogram Pickles we will be able to destroy Dethklok from the inside out.
What if Pickles never comes back? Oh, that would be totally messed up.
Come on, guys.
It's not like this is anyone's first band.
You'll probably all want to go and reunite with your old bands at some point.
Dethklok is my first band.
Well, one day, you'll want to reunite with us.
Why? We already together.
Just 'cause we're not broken up doesn't mean we can't reunite.
Actuallys, I think that's exactlys what thats means.
Seriously? You can't reunite with a bands thats has not brokesed up.
- They won't let you.
- That sucks.
Great.
Wait.
Can we have a not-reunion tour where we you know, just come out and, you know, do a regular show? No.
I looked into it.
- Well, that's pretty lame.
- Well, that's show biz.
You know, I sometimes gets contacted by my bands mates tryings to ride my coats tails like drowning rats.
- But I says, "Screw you.
Go die.
" - Whats bands were you in? About a millions.
I was in Agnostic Priest, Gangogar Aldilio.
Al il el.
- Gognogmug.
Alugdug.
- Oh, yeah.
F face Academy.
Sausage Assassin.
Financially Raped.
Smugly Dismissed.
I was in pretty much every band.
I could goes on, is what I'm saying.
I need a back rub.
I miss Pickles.
Look, I know you're all sober now and I can totally respect you.
So, I'm going to resist the urge to do drugs and drink around you.
I will still do them but I will excuse myself and go to a different room.
Cool? Good.
So, we don't have a lot of time before the reunion tour which I am very excited about.
So, let's just jump into Water Horsy Blues.
It's good to see you all again.
One two, three four.
Stop! Stop, stop! For the love of God! Sweet lord! Have you people forgotten how to play?! That sounded awful! No way, man! We're better than ever.
Dude You're sitting on the outside of the drum kit.
No, I ain't.
Oh, wait, you're right.
Sorry.
That's why it felt weird.
Let me just get on back there.
Just go around.
It's Don't climb Over.
Tony, dude, I couldn't even hear your bass at all.
- My amp is off.
- Why? I'm saving money on electricity, bro.
I'm not made out of money.
Turn it on.
I'll reimburse you.
You got a deal.
Great.
Sounds wonderful.
Hey, Bullets, what is this thing you're wearing? - What is it? - It's an invention of mine.
It's a strapless guitar that also functions as a girdle.
It's called a gigirdle-a-tar.
I can make you one.
Guys! We have got a lot of work to do and not very much time.
We've gotta get you in shape or we're gonna disappoint a whole bunch of people out there.
Snakes n' Barrels has got no choice but to rock harder than ever.
- Hey.
Good luck on your show tonight.
- Hey, thanks.
I gotta get ready back here if you don't mind.
Go get stibbed.
Haves a really great show.
- Do that for me.
- Yeah.
I gotta You know, get ready.
Just don't forget about us.
He's a good kid! You're acting weird.
We're just, you know We care about you.
Yeah, if you gets a problem with that then, well, I guess that's just sad.
Oh, God.
I'm not leaving Dethklok.
I told you this a billion times, OK? I'm just doing this for fun.
Oh, well, it's not brutal, you know.
Snakes n' Barrels isn't brutal.
- I know.
- OK.
- OK.
- Just do a great job.
But don't leave us.
I'm gonna get going.
Your music sucks, and you're an asshole.
I'm not I'm having a hard time expressing myself.
Will you guys get the hell out of here? I'm supposed to be going over the songs.
Oh, yeah? Well, when Where's your stupid band? I don't even know where they are.
Hey, you guys want to do some Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake? You guys are gonna get so high that your minds are gonna blow chunks to outer space and to the Milky Way.
And what better way to celebrate the reunion than with a good old-fashioned Milky Way chunk-blow? All right.
Let's kick ass tonight.
- Yeah.
- Oh, I almost forgot.
We got some Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake from a dude.
Come on, guys.
I don't want to encourage any drug OK, I'll do it.
Cheers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Snakes n' Barrels are gonna rock you! Two, three, four! ~ Well, you can lead a horse to water ~ ~ But you can't make him drink You got the belly of a sinner ~ ~ And the panties of a saint You got a stitch in time ~ ~ And it's gonna save you 9 ~ ~ First you try to wing it, baby Also try to fling it ~ ~ You got it easy come and easy go ~ ~ Only one way to go You gotta get up off the floor ~ ~ You got an Alfa-Romero, It's a natural win ~ ~ I guess I'm really tired, Singing hey, hey, hey ~ ~ When you get up and go And you know you can't do it ~ ~ No, you don't have a chance But you go, go, go ~ ~ Because the pie in the sky Is a bird that won't fly ~ ~ And you hear the old song With the wonderful line ~ ~ Yeah, and what goes up, You know it's gotta come down ~ ~ When your glass is half-empty When you're going downtown ~ ~ And you know you're going down When the motherf ~ No! Apparently Snakes n' Barrels were given psychotropic drugs that have erased their minds.
Except for Pickles who the drugs had no effect on whatsoever.
I grew up smoking government weed every day.
You know, I had kiddie glaucoma.
Don't ask me.
I'm immune to just about everything.
The recording of that night's concert event has rocketed through the charts and is being called the most brutal album of all time.
Most brutal album?! I hate to say it.
They're right.
It's an amazing album.
Congratulations, Pickles.
It is so chilling.
What a great way to go out, too.
I only hope we can end that way, clawing our eyes out throwing up acid blood.
I officially takes backs whatever I say about Snakes n' Barrels.
- You're amazing.
- This music is likes potato chips.
I can't stops listening to it.
Plays it again.
All right.
My gigirdle-a-tar Is chocking my chummy ~ And my guts hurts where my ~ There's little civil war soldiers licking off my skin! I'm aware of myself! Get off of me! Oh, no! I am also aware of my tongue! I believe I'm a chicken! I'm a chicken! I'm a chicken! I'm a I'm a chicken.
I believe I'm a chicken.
But years earlier, Pickles was a young Midwesterner on a bus headed for LA.
This boy couldn't have been older than 16 walked right into my pawn shop located on Fairfax and Wilson and he said, "Gimme your guitar.
" And I said, "Oh, we got this sweet old jazz box guitar.
" And he said, "No! I want that Gibson Les Paul gold-top with the humbuckers.
" Now, the way that he told me that, I just knew that he meant business.
And I was like, "Here comes.
This gonna be big.
" And the musical persistence of the young man paid off.
Within months, he had his own band signed to a major label.
This was the beginning of Snakes n' Barrels.
Record sales were through the roof but the constant touring took its toll on Snakes n' Barrels, and drug use became a regular part of their lives.
"Antonio shot heroin into his balls again this morning.
"He says this time it was an accident.
"I'm sure we'll have the usual difficulties on stage tonight.
"I know I sound like a broken record but I need heavier music.
" The scourge of drugs would force Snakes n' Barrels to disband nearly overnight at the top of their game.
Rumors of overdose and death circulated in the press leaving the world to forever ponder the possibility of a reunion.
Will there ever be Hey, we were watching that.
Dude, right.
So you can make fun of me, I know.
No way.
To compliment you.
You were such a beautifuls lady back then.
Maybe you wills alls favor us with makeups tips.
Hey, come on now.
That's very funny.
It's exciting.
Turn it back on.
I want to see what happens.
What do you mean? I'm here, that's what happened.
- That's the end of the story.
- Well, it's boring when you say it.
- I know.
- Pickle? This Snakes n' Barrels, it's It's not my cup of tea.
It sucks.
Well That's not a nice thing to say, Toki.
- Not my fault it sucks.
- Well, you know, it's still not I don't play in that band anymore.
It's history, all right? There's no need to be threatened.
- Hey! We're not threatened.
- I know.
I'm just It's over.
All I care about is Dethklok.
Pickles, can you come in here for a moment, please? Snakes n' Barrels' record sales have gone through the roof since the documentary began airing and there's interest of a reunion tour.
OK.
~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ Dethklok is on hiatus while Pickles reunites with Snakes n' Barrels.
Alone they are weak.
I believe the weakness lies in Snakes n' Barrels' predisposition for drug abuse.
We have full background reports on each.
Gentlemen, Antonio 'Tony' DeMarco Thunderbottom on bass guitar.
Once a major alcoholic.
He's now sober.
Sammy 'Candy Nose' Twinskins on drums, a crack cocaine fiend.
Sober.
On rhythm guitar, Snizzy 'Snaz' Bullets.
Hallucinogens and heroin left him with partial paralysis in the face.
Also sober.
Just because they're sober right now doesn't mean they can't relapse.
We have available somebody who could prove to be very important to us Military pharmaceutical psychotropic drug manufacturer Dr.
Amomolith Chesterfield.
I've been experimenting with a new kind of drug called Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake.
The smallest dosage of this drug will drive the user completely insane.
With a high enough dosage their memory will be wiped clear and thus be a blank slate waiting to be reprogrammed in any way one sees fit.
Once we reprogram Pickles we will be able to destroy Dethklok from the inside out.
What if Pickles never comes back? Oh, that would be totally messed up.
Come on, guys.
It's not like this is anyone's first band.
You'll probably all want to go and reunite with your old bands at some point.
Dethklok is my first band.
Well, one day, you'll want to reunite with us.
Why? We already together.
Just 'cause we're not broken up doesn't mean we can't reunite.
Actuallys, I think that's exactlys what thats means.
Seriously? You can't reunite with a bands thats has not brokesed up.
- They won't let you.
- That sucks.
Great.
Wait.
Can we have a not-reunion tour where we you know, just come out and, you know, do a regular show? No.
I looked into it.
- Well, that's pretty lame.
- Well, that's show biz.
You know, I sometimes gets contacted by my bands mates tryings to ride my coats tails like drowning rats.
- But I says, "Screw you.
Go die.
" - Whats bands were you in? About a millions.
I was in Agnostic Priest, Gangogar Aldilio.
Al il el.
- Gognogmug.
Alugdug.
- Oh, yeah.
F face Academy.
Sausage Assassin.
Financially Raped.
Smugly Dismissed.
I was in pretty much every band.
I could goes on, is what I'm saying.
I need a back rub.
I miss Pickles.
Look, I know you're all sober now and I can totally respect you.
So, I'm going to resist the urge to do drugs and drink around you.
I will still do them but I will excuse myself and go to a different room.
Cool? Good.
So, we don't have a lot of time before the reunion tour which I am very excited about.
So, let's just jump into Water Horsy Blues.
It's good to see you all again.
One two, three four.
Stop! Stop, stop! For the love of God! Sweet lord! Have you people forgotten how to play?! That sounded awful! No way, man! We're better than ever.
Dude You're sitting on the outside of the drum kit.
No, I ain't.
Oh, wait, you're right.
Sorry.
That's why it felt weird.
Let me just get on back there.
Just go around.
It's Don't climb Over.
Tony, dude, I couldn't even hear your bass at all.
- My amp is off.
- Why? I'm saving money on electricity, bro.
I'm not made out of money.
Turn it on.
I'll reimburse you.
You got a deal.
Great.
Sounds wonderful.
Hey, Bullets, what is this thing you're wearing? - What is it? - It's an invention of mine.
It's a strapless guitar that also functions as a girdle.
It's called a gigirdle-a-tar.
I can make you one.
Guys! We have got a lot of work to do and not very much time.
We've gotta get you in shape or we're gonna disappoint a whole bunch of people out there.
Snakes n' Barrels has got no choice but to rock harder than ever.
- Hey.
Good luck on your show tonight.
- Hey, thanks.
I gotta get ready back here if you don't mind.
Go get stibbed.
Haves a really great show.
- Do that for me.
- Yeah.
I gotta You know, get ready.
Just don't forget about us.
He's a good kid! You're acting weird.
We're just, you know We care about you.
Yeah, if you gets a problem with that then, well, I guess that's just sad.
Oh, God.
I'm not leaving Dethklok.
I told you this a billion times, OK? I'm just doing this for fun.
Oh, well, it's not brutal, you know.
Snakes n' Barrels isn't brutal.
- I know.
- OK.
- OK.
- Just do a great job.
But don't leave us.
I'm gonna get going.
Your music sucks, and you're an asshole.
I'm not I'm having a hard time expressing myself.
Will you guys get the hell out of here? I'm supposed to be going over the songs.
Oh, yeah? Well, when Where's your stupid band? I don't even know where they are.
Hey, you guys want to do some Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake? You guys are gonna get so high that your minds are gonna blow chunks to outer space and to the Milky Way.
And what better way to celebrate the reunion than with a good old-fashioned Milky Way chunk-blow? All right.
Let's kick ass tonight.
- Yeah.
- Oh, I almost forgot.
We got some Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake from a dude.
Come on, guys.
I don't want to encourage any drug OK, I'll do it.
Cheers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Snakes n' Barrels are gonna rock you! Two, three, four! ~ Well, you can lead a horse to water ~ ~ But you can't make him drink You got the belly of a sinner ~ ~ And the panties of a saint You got a stitch in time ~ ~ And it's gonna save you 9 ~ ~ First you try to wing it, baby Also try to fling it ~ ~ You got it easy come and easy go ~ ~ Only one way to go You gotta get up off the floor ~ ~ You got an Alfa-Romero, It's a natural win ~ ~ I guess I'm really tired, Singing hey, hey, hey ~ ~ When you get up and go And you know you can't do it ~ ~ No, you don't have a chance But you go, go, go ~ ~ Because the pie in the sky Is a bird that won't fly ~ ~ And you hear the old song With the wonderful line ~ ~ Yeah, and what goes up, You know it's gotta come down ~ ~ When your glass is half-empty When you're going downtown ~ ~ And you know you're going down When the motherf ~ No! Apparently Snakes n' Barrels were given psychotropic drugs that have erased their minds.
Except for Pickles who the drugs had no effect on whatsoever.
I grew up smoking government weed every day.
You know, I had kiddie glaucoma.
Don't ask me.
I'm immune to just about everything.
The recording of that night's concert event has rocketed through the charts and is being called the most brutal album of all time.
Most brutal album?! I hate to say it.
They're right.
It's an amazing album.
Congratulations, Pickles.
It is so chilling.
What a great way to go out, too.
I only hope we can end that way, clawing our eyes out throwing up acid blood.
I officially takes backs whatever I say about Snakes n' Barrels.
- You're amazing.
- This music is likes potato chips.
I can't stops listening to it.
Plays it again.
All right.
My gigirdle-a-tar Is chocking my chummy ~ And my guts hurts where my ~ There's little civil war soldiers licking off my skin! I'm aware of myself! Get off of me! Oh, no! I am also aware of my tongue! I believe I'm a chicken! I'm a chicken! I'm a chicken! I'm a I'm a chicken.
I believe I'm a chicken.