Metalocalypse (2006) s01e18 Episode Script

~ Born of evil in a fiery volcano ~ ~ On a mutilated mission To inflict merciless pain ~ ~ Sacrifice your soul To the deity of Death ~ ~ She's concocted your murder ~ ~ And you've lost all your defense ~ ~ Try but you can't hide ~ ~ The hunt is on, your life is gone ~ ~ Castratikron ~ ~ Eyes, they will go blind If looked beyond ~ ~ Your soul is gone, Castratikron ~ Nathan! Nathan, look! Can you get us backstage? We'll make it worth your while! We'll totally suck your hog! - Please, Nathan! - Yeah, we'll totally gang-bang you! All of us will! Nathan! Cut our faces off! Cut my arms off! I can't.
- What's he saying? - What's he saying?! I can't.
I have a girlfriend now.
No! ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ Hey, Nate.
What the hell? Ain't you gonna get painted by naked ladies with us? No.
I'm cool.
Always yous gets painted by naked lady, huh? - You loves it.
- I want to go now! - What the hells, Nathan? - You bring your girlfriends backstage? She know how where it is, you know, so She's probably keeping watch like a hawk.
It's another judgmental bird face band-wrecker.
- What? - Nothing.
God, you're paranoid.
Oh, there's my drink over there.
Gotta go! - Yous gonna hangs out.
Come on.
- We gotta go.
- We got plans with my parents.
- Yeah, I wish I could, but Let's go.
Feel free to help me out with this.
The world seems to be going crazy over the whirlwind romance of Dethklok frontman Nathan Explosion and celebrity Rebecca Nightrod now simply known as Natebecca or Rebesplosion.
Despite the thousands of female suicides, the world has come to embrace the joining of these two media monsters.
No talk of babies yet but we've done some work on our own and are ready to show the world what the metal baby god might look like.
It appears that Nathan Explosion has found himself a girlfriend.
A celebrity girlfriend.
Her name is Rebecca Nightrod and she's a world-class tennis player turned sitcom actor/model.
And her father is a decorated dignitary.
Very influential in the political world.
Gentlemen, celebrity relationship expert Horace Marmingblat Wimplestein Jr.
When two high-profile celebrities begin a relationship it can upset the balance of the world.
The joining of these two monumental egos can create a sociological supernova that overshadows worldly events and shifts the perspective from importance to peripheral.
The good news is that this makes the public more stupid and malleable the bad news is that it makes them, the couple thousands of times more powerful and we cannot have that.
What do you suggest we do about this? We have one thing in our favor, the male sex drive.
You see, when a man who can have any woman he wants enters into an exclusive relationship he's forced to consider that which he is leaving behind.
Combine that with Rebecca Nightrod's tight public hold on Explosion, and we could create a relationship tornado.
Yes.
Gentlemen, have you heard of the United States Pornography Awards? I've read reports.
This is the biggest adult film event of the year.
I believe that if we can involve Dethklok in participating then we may have a chance at tempting Nathan Explosion and tearing his relationship apart.
I feel that this would work better if I were there at the Pornography Awards.
- Perhaps I should go, too.
- I think that I should be there, too.
- I will go, too.
- No.
You're not allowed to go.
So, you've been cordially invited to host at the United States Pornography Awards.
- That's what I'm talking about! - There's gonna be so much kissing! Not the most distinguished event.
I advise we pass.
- Moving on, we have a bunch of - F that.
I'm going.
Yeah, what are you? A eunuch? Sign us up! They're not paying you, and you'd lose money.
So? F that! I pay them for this.
I just wants to make out with thems beautiful girls.
- Well, financially speaking - Hey, listen, Mr.
Numbers.
Sometimes you gotta just do something because your heart tells you it's the right thing to do.
Gots to listen to your hearts.
Now signs us up.
Naked ladies! - It's unanimous.
- Nathan.
Yeah, I know, I'm sorry.
I didn't understand that made you mad.
I didn't know that made you mad.
See, now I know.
Well, I'm not perfect.
I will take you to Bed, Bath & Beyond.
- I don't know my schedule yet.
- Nathan.
Can I call you back? Band meeting.
- No, you're important, too.
- Stop yelling at me! No, I'm not yelling.
I am not yelling.
- OK.
- I love you! I you, too.
- OK, bye.
- All right, bye.
- You dicks got a problem? - No.
All right.
Nathan, the United States Pornography Awards.
- Are you in or out? - He's in.
Right? Well, he might not be.
He has a girlfriend now, and she might not enjoy the idea.
Listen, I can do whatever I want.
I'm f going! - Hello.
- We were going to Bed, Bath & Beyond! Yes, we still are.
- When? - Soon! You guys notice that Nathan's been acting weird lately? I'm getting worried.
United States Pornography Awards in two days and Nathan hasn't been to rehearsal.
That's ladies for you.
They rob you of your very essence.
- They're soul murderers! - She's not good enough for hims.
- I hates her, yet I would totally dos her.
- Yeah.
Me, too.
- So strange is this mind of men.
- Yeah, my little friend.
We are so evolved, yet our animalistic inskincts always remind us of who we truly are.
Mens art beasts and womens the demons of the night.
- You feeling all right? - Did she break up with you? - No.
- Damn it! But I have some bad news! I can't go to the United States Pornography Awards.
I'm not allowed.
Dude, but if you can't go, then we can't play, and we're don't we can't go! - We can't go! - I'm sorry.
- I wanted to kiss the girls! - I want to die.
Why?! You don't understand! She won't let me! Your relationship is messing with our lives! Our lives.
You bastard.
Why you makes me do this? What the hell are you guys doing? I can't move! Yeah.
Funny thing about being tied down It's hard to keep your defenses up.
Why are you doing this? You've been blinded by a manipulative cow and we are here to save you.
Taser him.
Stop! Stop! Stop.
Take five on the juice, Toki.
Your attitude is unacceptable.
Why do you like that lady? Every time we see you with her, you look like a beaten dog.
Fine.
You want the truth? I hate that lady.
- You hate her but you are with her? Why? - I don't know! - Toki.
- No! It's the most brutal thing ever.
It's not like regular hate.
It's so much more black! If she were a street gang, I'd go to war with her with bottles and chains.
But this is different.
There's nothing I can do.
There's nothing you can do? There's nothing you can do?! I could possibly break up with her but man, you don't know what she's like.
What if she won't let me? You're right.
You're right! God, you're right! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry.
Hey, Rebecca.
I think you and I really need to talk.
Listen.
You and I are two very great and very different people.
Hold on for a second, tonto.
I'm OK.
I'm OK.
Well, she's in a coma and if you want to talk to her, she can hear you.
Whatever.
Rebecca, I don't feel like I ever really talked to you because, you know, you didn't let me.
But I just wanted to say I was going to break up with you back there and now since you're in a coma, I really don't have to.
You're, like, the ultimate girlfriend right now and I don't want to lose that, you know? But tonight are the United States Pornography Awards and I know you didn't really like the idea of me going but I feel like we've grown so much since then.
And if you still don't want me to go, please Please say something right now.
And now the awards for the best use of a dildo.
On Golden Dildo.
Gildo Dildo A Rooney Roo! Dildo Lips: The Kissing Dildo.
And the winner goes to Dildo Team Taskforce Z.