Metalocalypse (2006) s01e19 Episode Script
Dethstars
~ She's the daughter who's just 19 ~ ~ He's a dad that's way too mean ~ ~ And if you want to ask her out ~ ~ You'll get right in between Doodily doo ~ ~ Doodily doo ~ ~ And if you want to have some fun ~ ~ And if you want to do it right ~ ~ You'll be dating Penelope ~ Now, be nice to this one, Daddy.
I'm sick of you scaring all my dates away.
Well, if they can't stand the heat, I don't want 'em near your kitchen.
I don't even know what that means.
Well, what does this guy do anyway? He works at this place, the morgue.
- Well, at least your mother will like him.
- What? People must be dying to work with him.
Morgue, huh? This one might not scare so easily.
Don't you think that a driveway is a funny place for a dog to sleep? This isn't your dog, is it? ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ It seems that Dethklok have decided to become professional actors.
Gentlemen, our resident acting expert Dr.
Chazz Fazzledopenhoffer.
Dr.
Chazz? This Dethklok acting business concerns me.
We've worked a lot to control movies and blend them together with television into one bland, lifeless face that the humanoid public can nourish off of.
Do you think Dethklok could really have an impact on the movie industry? What Dethklok threatens to do is awaken the imagination of the public! They have charisma.
They have it! They have zazz.
Supposing they do make a successful movie, what's the worst-case scenario? Independent thought returns, creative control goes back to the artist actors become smart and cool again, movies become thoughtful endings become hard to figure out, people go to theaters and interact with each other.
And become entirely harder to control.
The domino effect.
The highly anticipated Blood Ocean starring Dethklok is currently in its 13th month of production.
No one has seen any footage but it promises to be one of the biggest-budgeted movies in film history.
Behemoth studio head James Grishnack was quoted as saying "This will be a monumentally brutal film.
" Now, the plot of Blood Ocean Is tightly under wraps but we found out a couple of things.
It's gonna have space Vikings, serial killers, murder and it will have millions of dollars in special effects.
And that's the Dethklok Minute.
- Shut it off! - Congratulations, Mr.
Grishnack! Congratulations?! For what, having blown more money on a movie than anyone in history?! A movie filled with mumbling idiots that no one can understand?! And they're still making it?! And there's no ending?! Well, look at the bright side: At least everyone's happy.
Happy now? - I wasn't trying to be - Go get daddy a drink.
Before we take over and pillage the space planet Alfa Udero 7, we must pray to Space Odon, Space Odin.
- Go.
Your turn.
- Yeah.
And die.
And there be a space sword whos be your dad's serial killier.
Yeah, I know.
Now, but maybe we'll find your father out there.
- You go.
- Swell, swings! That Iook at hims fors a billion year.
And cut.
That's just great.
Skwisgaar, can I talk to you? How are you feeling? Yeah, cut, print.
Movings on.
That's the one.
I agree, it was great but we're having a hard time making out what you're saying.
- Like what?! - Like the words.
I can't say those words any harder than I tried.
I don't know what to tell you.
Well, how about this, Skwisgaar, we'll make a deal.
I'll direct as best as I can If you say them words as best as you can really do it.
I'm afraid you can't do that.
If you read our contract, you'll realize that you can't direct note, or berate us because it sickens us.
You're fired.
I wasn't even trying to direct him.
I was trying to get him to speak clear, that's all.
- That's all.
- Yeah.
That's a no-no.
You know, in our contract, no approaching of any of us, so - Yeah, you knew that.
- So, I'm fired? Oh, classic Hollywood! Now maybe you hangs yourself! Hang myself? We're talking with J.
F.
Amarth live on the set of Blood Ocean.
J.
F.
, you've worked with a lot of legendary actors over the years.
What's it like working with Dethklok? What you need to remember is that in my day, acting wasn't a game just mince in off the street and put on some makeup.
- Do you mind?! - Oh, sorry, J.
F.
Never drove a forklift before.
Just gotta put it in park.
Hold on.
There.
Sorry.
The movie business changed.
It's too much for us You're tearing me apart! No, no, no, no! Leave it in! Really! Let me find it I'll see you in hell! In a world with no laws, the planets are being pillaged by space Vikings.
There lies a secret to a Swords Fathers maker who knows the identity of a serial killer.
I know who you are! And the oil rig where the haunted crypt of Mamingdalafalafal lies.
No! And the love where it happened at.
Space Odin! I know who you are! - That's cool! - We're amazing actors! That's what I'm talking about! Did you see that?! We're better than Meatloaf! That was only the trailer! - Just imagine what the movie's like! - I can'ts waits to see us ins this movie.
I don't mean to rain on the parade here but Don't! Just don't.
Go away.
Can't you see how happy we are? Don't ruin that.
- You are all very drunk, yes? - Well, yeah.
I'm concerned Grishnack, the studio head has been dodging my phone calls.
And it's not a good sign.
Sometimes that means that the movie is very bad.
Yeah, so?! Who give a craps, eh?! Well, movies are a big deal, and a bad one can ruin your image.
Oars mimage? - Image.
- Oh, we have a image.
- Mage.
- Image.
Lamage.
It means that people will stop liking you and stop buying your music.
Oh, boy.
Blood.
An ocean of blood.
I wonder how many blood drops of blood there are in this blood ocean.
I wonder how much is it in a drop.
I wonder, has Well, I Let's just say there are approximately I am just a cop.
A cop who happens to be a serial killer.
How did I get here in this blood ocean? I guess it all started a long time ago.
Far away from here.
My planet is in search of blood.
It would have to be a whole ocean of blood.
What's the hell? That isn't hows I sound.
I am torn between my evil desires and the quest for justice in So, take this and multiply by the volume of the water in the ocean, which is blood.
Blood ocean.
And water I found I found it out that it's trillions of gallons.
What the f? What a piece of s Was I more fat or was I more stupid looking? - My God.
I'm hideous.
- Whose was that's voice?! It didn't even make sense! You, do whatever it takes.
- That piece of crap ain't coming out.
- Not evens on DVD?! Toki, shut up! Hello, boys.
Hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Mr.
Grishnack, that movie cannot come out.
It's crap.
Oh, don't be drastic.
This happens all the time.
We just happen to make another what you call in this business a real piece of s So, you're not going to release it? Normally with a movie like this, I'd just, I'd just eat it and it would die.
But since it's you, we're gonna put this out.
And it's gonna make the money back.
I don't care if it ruin's your careers I'm making my money back.
It's Dethklok in the movie.
That's our reputation you're messing with, Grishnack.
All right, dildos, listen up: I've been f over fat-head celebrities since you were all s in diapers.
Now, this movie, it's a $500 million s sandwich and you're all gonna take a bite and you're all gonna smile 'cause you love how it tastes.
Got it?! Now, you go out there to your adoring public.
I wrote all the reviews.
No one knows what a good movie is anymore.
Just shut up and smile.
Remember, s sandwich tastes great.
Now, go.
Spectacular! Unbelievable! What a movie! Blood Ocean is quite possibly the best movie ever made.
~ Bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed ~ ~ Bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, blood ~ ~ Ocean ~ How fake.
~ Bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed ~ ~ Bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, blood ~ ~ Ocean ~ ~ The land's coagulated ~ ~ And my mind's incarcerated ~ ~ But my helmet's ventilated ~ ~ With the souls correlated ~ ~ Though my father's fascinated ~ ~ With the premises negated ~ ~ And the night will be berated ~ ~ With the souls of the deflated ~ ~ You are gonna lose your mind tonight ~
I'm sick of you scaring all my dates away.
Well, if they can't stand the heat, I don't want 'em near your kitchen.
I don't even know what that means.
Well, what does this guy do anyway? He works at this place, the morgue.
- Well, at least your mother will like him.
- What? People must be dying to work with him.
Morgue, huh? This one might not scare so easily.
Don't you think that a driveway is a funny place for a dog to sleep? This isn't your dog, is it? ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Do anything for Dethklok ~ ~ Dethklok, Dethklok Dethklok, Dethklok ~ ~ I'll teach you ~ ~ Who rock ~ ~ Dethklok! Dethklok! ~ ~ Skwisgaar Skwigelf Taller than a tree ~ ~ Toki Wartooth Not a bumble bee ~ ~ William Murderface Murderface, Murderface ~ ~ Pickles the Drummer Doodily doo ~ ~ Ding-dong Doodily doodily doo ~ ~ Nathan Explosion ~ It seems that Dethklok have decided to become professional actors.
Gentlemen, our resident acting expert Dr.
Chazz Fazzledopenhoffer.
Dr.
Chazz? This Dethklok acting business concerns me.
We've worked a lot to control movies and blend them together with television into one bland, lifeless face that the humanoid public can nourish off of.
Do you think Dethklok could really have an impact on the movie industry? What Dethklok threatens to do is awaken the imagination of the public! They have charisma.
They have it! They have zazz.
Supposing they do make a successful movie, what's the worst-case scenario? Independent thought returns, creative control goes back to the artist actors become smart and cool again, movies become thoughtful endings become hard to figure out, people go to theaters and interact with each other.
And become entirely harder to control.
The domino effect.
The highly anticipated Blood Ocean starring Dethklok is currently in its 13th month of production.
No one has seen any footage but it promises to be one of the biggest-budgeted movies in film history.
Behemoth studio head James Grishnack was quoted as saying "This will be a monumentally brutal film.
" Now, the plot of Blood Ocean Is tightly under wraps but we found out a couple of things.
It's gonna have space Vikings, serial killers, murder and it will have millions of dollars in special effects.
And that's the Dethklok Minute.
- Shut it off! - Congratulations, Mr.
Grishnack! Congratulations?! For what, having blown more money on a movie than anyone in history?! A movie filled with mumbling idiots that no one can understand?! And they're still making it?! And there's no ending?! Well, look at the bright side: At least everyone's happy.
Happy now? - I wasn't trying to be - Go get daddy a drink.
Before we take over and pillage the space planet Alfa Udero 7, we must pray to Space Odon, Space Odin.
- Go.
Your turn.
- Yeah.
And die.
And there be a space sword whos be your dad's serial killier.
Yeah, I know.
Now, but maybe we'll find your father out there.
- You go.
- Swell, swings! That Iook at hims fors a billion year.
And cut.
That's just great.
Skwisgaar, can I talk to you? How are you feeling? Yeah, cut, print.
Movings on.
That's the one.
I agree, it was great but we're having a hard time making out what you're saying.
- Like what?! - Like the words.
I can't say those words any harder than I tried.
I don't know what to tell you.
Well, how about this, Skwisgaar, we'll make a deal.
I'll direct as best as I can If you say them words as best as you can really do it.
I'm afraid you can't do that.
If you read our contract, you'll realize that you can't direct note, or berate us because it sickens us.
You're fired.
I wasn't even trying to direct him.
I was trying to get him to speak clear, that's all.
- That's all.
- Yeah.
That's a no-no.
You know, in our contract, no approaching of any of us, so - Yeah, you knew that.
- So, I'm fired? Oh, classic Hollywood! Now maybe you hangs yourself! Hang myself? We're talking with J.
F.
Amarth live on the set of Blood Ocean.
J.
F.
, you've worked with a lot of legendary actors over the years.
What's it like working with Dethklok? What you need to remember is that in my day, acting wasn't a game just mince in off the street and put on some makeup.
- Do you mind?! - Oh, sorry, J.
F.
Never drove a forklift before.
Just gotta put it in park.
Hold on.
There.
Sorry.
The movie business changed.
It's too much for us You're tearing me apart! No, no, no, no! Leave it in! Really! Let me find it I'll see you in hell! In a world with no laws, the planets are being pillaged by space Vikings.
There lies a secret to a Swords Fathers maker who knows the identity of a serial killer.
I know who you are! And the oil rig where the haunted crypt of Mamingdalafalafal lies.
No! And the love where it happened at.
Space Odin! I know who you are! - That's cool! - We're amazing actors! That's what I'm talking about! Did you see that?! We're better than Meatloaf! That was only the trailer! - Just imagine what the movie's like! - I can'ts waits to see us ins this movie.
I don't mean to rain on the parade here but Don't! Just don't.
Go away.
Can't you see how happy we are? Don't ruin that.
- You are all very drunk, yes? - Well, yeah.
I'm concerned Grishnack, the studio head has been dodging my phone calls.
And it's not a good sign.
Sometimes that means that the movie is very bad.
Yeah, so?! Who give a craps, eh?! Well, movies are a big deal, and a bad one can ruin your image.
Oars mimage? - Image.
- Oh, we have a image.
- Mage.
- Image.
Lamage.
It means that people will stop liking you and stop buying your music.
Oh, boy.
Blood.
An ocean of blood.
I wonder how many blood drops of blood there are in this blood ocean.
I wonder how much is it in a drop.
I wonder, has Well, I Let's just say there are approximately I am just a cop.
A cop who happens to be a serial killer.
How did I get here in this blood ocean? I guess it all started a long time ago.
Far away from here.
My planet is in search of blood.
It would have to be a whole ocean of blood.
What's the hell? That isn't hows I sound.
I am torn between my evil desires and the quest for justice in So, take this and multiply by the volume of the water in the ocean, which is blood.
Blood ocean.
And water I found I found it out that it's trillions of gallons.
What the f? What a piece of s Was I more fat or was I more stupid looking? - My God.
I'm hideous.
- Whose was that's voice?! It didn't even make sense! You, do whatever it takes.
- That piece of crap ain't coming out.
- Not evens on DVD?! Toki, shut up! Hello, boys.
Hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Mr.
Grishnack, that movie cannot come out.
It's crap.
Oh, don't be drastic.
This happens all the time.
We just happen to make another what you call in this business a real piece of s So, you're not going to release it? Normally with a movie like this, I'd just, I'd just eat it and it would die.
But since it's you, we're gonna put this out.
And it's gonna make the money back.
I don't care if it ruin's your careers I'm making my money back.
It's Dethklok in the movie.
That's our reputation you're messing with, Grishnack.
All right, dildos, listen up: I've been f over fat-head celebrities since you were all s in diapers.
Now, this movie, it's a $500 million s sandwich and you're all gonna take a bite and you're all gonna smile 'cause you love how it tastes.
Got it?! Now, you go out there to your adoring public.
I wrote all the reviews.
No one knows what a good movie is anymore.
Just shut up and smile.
Remember, s sandwich tastes great.
Now, go.
Spectacular! Unbelievable! What a movie! Blood Ocean is quite possibly the best movie ever made.
~ Bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed ~ ~ Bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, blood ~ ~ Ocean ~ How fake.
~ Bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed ~ ~ Bleed, bleed, bleed, bleed, blood ~ ~ Ocean ~ ~ The land's coagulated ~ ~ And my mind's incarcerated ~ ~ But my helmet's ventilated ~ ~ With the souls correlated ~ ~ Though my father's fascinated ~ ~ With the premises negated ~ ~ And the night will be berated ~ ~ With the souls of the deflated ~ ~ You are gonna lose your mind tonight ~