Metalocalypse (2006) s04e05 Episode Script
Bookklok
Thank you, Rio de Janeiro! You're the best dildos in the world! On the drums, is Pickles, the drummer! If you need to take a $#!*, now's the time, it's a drum solo! #%*& you! Your guitars solos coming up, Skwisgaar.
Can i haves it just this once? Huh, no? Please lets me do it tonight, i promised the kitty cats at the hospitals that i would do the solos for'em.
Huh, Tokis, you don'ts practice the guitars evers.
Please, i'm beggin's you! No ways, i ams the leads guitarist! I ams does the solo! What abouts if i gaves you chocolates? Or pizza? #%*& yous, no! Get outta my ways.
Say no to me, mother#%*&£@, should you.
Marks my words, i'm gets revenge! twitter.
com/nosferattu I'll Teach thee To Rock.
Dethklok, Dethklok! Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree.
Toki Wartooth, not a bumblebee.
William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface.
Pickles the drummer, doodily doo.
Ding-dong, doodily, doodily, doo.
Nathan Explosion.
Season 4, Episode 5 Bookklok Dethklok guitarist, Toki Wartooth, has released a tell-all book, called Skwisgaar Is Ams Dick: The life of Toki, an abused guitarist.
He has appeared everywhere plugging his book.
I have been livings in the shadow of a overbearing tyrants for ways too long! It makes me feels inadequates.
He used to gives me compliments, but now he calls me names like "tone deafs" and "stupid hands".
He used to says my hands ams skinnys, but now he says they ams putting on wheights.
And i'm nots takin' it anymore, i'm standin' ups for all the abused guitarists in the world! Toki Wartooth is climbing out from behind the shadow of abuse, Alright guys.
We got a lot of work today, a lot of stuff to cover Skwisgaar Sorry, Charles.
Skwisgaar, sorry about that book.
Boy, but look at what i got today, guys.
It's my defibrilator.
I bought it off SkyMall.
Why do you need that? It's, huh, you know, to shock people, if they have a thing like a heart attack or if they're sleeping.
But i bought it because it's #%*&£@§ awesome! Murderface, help me work this thing.
Guys, i don't think you should be messing around with a defibrilator God, would you butt out, please? I mean, God, don't let this guy abuse you, Nathan.
He's trying to control you, just like Skwisgaar did to Toki! No offense, Skwisgaar.
Now, what do you want me to do, Nathan? Just stand there Oh!, and say "clear!" Oh, awesome, like the doctors do on TV! Guys? Come on Let's, let's not Clear! Dude, that's pretty awesome! Man Ow, ow That's pretty awesome! Who the #%*& peed on me? I think YOU'RE the culprit in this particular mistery How can i pee on myself when i'm right here? Skwisgaar, you're scheduled to play the Guitarganza, which kicks off the norwegian Ice Festival in Lillehammer, and you're gonna need to do a lot of promotional interviews, so get ready for Hey Skwisgaar, aren't you afraid that the success of Toki's book it's kinda going to ruin your career? I don't know - Yeah, aren't you afraid that Toki's book made you really look like an asshole? When you kinda turn into, like, kinda the Ike Turner of guitar? Gentlemen, it appears as if Toki Wartooth has written a tell-all book about Skwisgaar Skwigelf.
Vater Orlaag? A tell-all book can highlight drunken encounters, showcase abusive behaviour, and ultimately, prove bandmates to be complete assholes.
And eventually, tear the band apart.
Gentlemen, we have another issue to discuss: the Revengencers.
We've received intel that they are still active This is the last place the Revengencers were known to be.
These brainwashed ex-Dethklok fans stayed hidden in the woods until they ran out of food, and began devouring each other like dogs.
Still missing is their leader.
We believe it's a man with a silver face, and several others are still alive.
The attack will happen soon, we'll have a secret weapon this time.
Someone on the inside.
Dethklok must die.
Man, is this the best thing in the world or what? Dude, it's great but, i don't know, i'm kinda gettin' bored using it on eachother, maybe we should try something else on.
You think it'll work on other stuff? Huh Yeah!? Maybe they're too dead.
Yeah, can you guys bring us stuff that's not as dead, you know, like, "freshly dead"? Skwisgaar Skwigelf falling from grace? Apparently, his approval ratings have plummeted to new lows, while Toki Wartooth's are flying high! On cloud nine! Fans had this to say: We all have bullies in our lives.
My mom's boyfriend #%*&$ my mom and eats our food.
Are companies getting cold feet with the Skwigelf brand name? Yes they are! Now, for the Skwisgaar Skwigelf Endorsement Deal Deth Watch: Guitaraid, the energy drink for fast guitarists Dead! The Shredder, the only 6.
66 blade disposable razor Dead! And Skwoactiv Skwin Care, The anti-acne medication Dead.
Looks like scrambling companies have found solace in Toki Wartooth's rising popularity.
He has picked up endorsements for Guitaraid, the Shredder, and Tokactiv Tin Tare.
Horrible abuser Skwisgaar Skwigelf must be thanking his lucky stars he still has the Guitarganza, at the norwegian Ice Festival.
And that's the Dethklok Minute.
Oh hey, Skwisgaar, what are you doing, goofing off, palling around? So you're getting ready for your big Ice Festival Guitarganza thing, or whatever is called? Yeah, it's like, huh, i don't know It's like the only thing you got going for you these days.
Yeah pal, i heard they took away all your endorsement stuff.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, it's gotta be rough.
This is like, the only thing you have left.
- Yeah.
- Ah, so sad.
Yeah, it's so sad it's the only thing you got goin' on for you.
At least you got that, though, right? Huh, Skwisgaar, i have some bad news.
You're out of the Ice Festival.
Huh, they want Toki.
Sorry, buddy.
Hey, Skwisgaar.
Skwisgaar, did you hear that Toki's playing the Ice Festival instead of you? Clear! Skwisgaar, it appears as if someone has peed your pants.
Moves my ten o'clocks to 10 30s.
Moves my 10 30s to elevens, and moves my elevens to noons, and my noons to next weeks, that will gives me 10 minutes for lunch, so you better not #%*& this up! Yes, sir.
Tokis, i Really needs to talks to yous.
Oh, look who ams waltzings back into my life.
What, so's you can abuse me more? Pencils him in for next weeks or some $#!* like that.
- Yes, sir.
- I need to talk to you now, Toki.
I Needs to gets my solos back at the Ice Festivals.
Wells, wells, wells, isn't this a funny turns of events? I remembers askings yous for the same things, and you know what you did? You laugheds at me! - I don't laughs.
You may not likes this, but i'ms becomings empowereds! And the answers for you in regards to your Ice Festival solo Oooooh It's no! #%*&$ no! It's really gots to rips your guts out to see how successful and on tops i am.
Get used to it! Be carefuls what you wish fors! The audience ams a fickles mistress, Toki.
The audience ams a fickles mistress! Lillehammer, Norway And now, on lead guitar Is amazing, abused guitarist, Toki Wartooth! What the #%*&! - Booooo! Can't get it Plug your guitar, you j@*&ass! I can'ts a gets it I c' You're blowing it! They're turning on me.
The audience ams a fickles mistress, Toki.
The audience ams a fickles mistress! He's rights.
The fickle mistress! You loser! Oh, my lefts arm My lefts arms don't wo Oh, my chest, it's tight.
I thinks i'm havin' a panics attack! I'm not a doctor, but i think he's havin' a heart attack.
There's gotta be some way to help him.
- Yeah, there's gotta be a medic here to - I mean, that's what i'm sayin', yeah.
It's a panics attack, that's what it is! I mean, but how do you save someone from having -- like, how do you jumpstart, like, a heart and Help me please, i'd like to know.
Yeah, me too.
Poor guy, look at him.
- He seems fibrilated, and if we could just - Yeah, fibrilated.
- try to de-fibrilate him, he - Yeah, he seems too fibrilly.
Yeah, he seems over-fibrilated, or something.
If there's a way to un-fibrilate him, like to de-febrilate him, you know, then we Then we'd be talkin'.
Then we'd have something to talk about.
I'll takes care of this! Holds on! Come back, Toki.
Come back! I'm havings a panic attack, nots a heart attack! Clears! Comes backs to me, gods dammits! Comes backs to me's! Clears! Clears! Clears! On the next new Metalocalypse: Dethklok is in a brutal third-world country.
Maybe if you haven't destroyed the record, in the first place, we wouldn't be here! - I said i was sorry! - No you didn't ever say It was implied! - I'd like to add to the record - You know that i have an apology problem! Get in the van! All of you! New Metalocalypse Next Sunday at 12:15
Can i haves it just this once? Huh, no? Please lets me do it tonight, i promised the kitty cats at the hospitals that i would do the solos for'em.
Huh, Tokis, you don'ts practice the guitars evers.
Please, i'm beggin's you! No ways, i ams the leads guitarist! I ams does the solo! What abouts if i gaves you chocolates? Or pizza? #%*& yous, no! Get outta my ways.
Say no to me, mother#%*&£@, should you.
Marks my words, i'm gets revenge! twitter.
com/nosferattu I'll Teach thee To Rock.
Dethklok, Dethklok! Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree.
Toki Wartooth, not a bumblebee.
William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface.
Pickles the drummer, doodily doo.
Ding-dong, doodily, doodily, doo.
Nathan Explosion.
Season 4, Episode 5 Bookklok Dethklok guitarist, Toki Wartooth, has released a tell-all book, called Skwisgaar Is Ams Dick: The life of Toki, an abused guitarist.
He has appeared everywhere plugging his book.
I have been livings in the shadow of a overbearing tyrants for ways too long! It makes me feels inadequates.
He used to gives me compliments, but now he calls me names like "tone deafs" and "stupid hands".
He used to says my hands ams skinnys, but now he says they ams putting on wheights.
And i'm nots takin' it anymore, i'm standin' ups for all the abused guitarists in the world! Toki Wartooth is climbing out from behind the shadow of abuse, Alright guys.
We got a lot of work today, a lot of stuff to cover Skwisgaar Sorry, Charles.
Skwisgaar, sorry about that book.
Boy, but look at what i got today, guys.
It's my defibrilator.
I bought it off SkyMall.
Why do you need that? It's, huh, you know, to shock people, if they have a thing like a heart attack or if they're sleeping.
But i bought it because it's #%*&£@§ awesome! Murderface, help me work this thing.
Guys, i don't think you should be messing around with a defibrilator God, would you butt out, please? I mean, God, don't let this guy abuse you, Nathan.
He's trying to control you, just like Skwisgaar did to Toki! No offense, Skwisgaar.
Now, what do you want me to do, Nathan? Just stand there Oh!, and say "clear!" Oh, awesome, like the doctors do on TV! Guys? Come on Let's, let's not Clear! Dude, that's pretty awesome! Man Ow, ow That's pretty awesome! Who the #%*& peed on me? I think YOU'RE the culprit in this particular mistery How can i pee on myself when i'm right here? Skwisgaar, you're scheduled to play the Guitarganza, which kicks off the norwegian Ice Festival in Lillehammer, and you're gonna need to do a lot of promotional interviews, so get ready for Hey Skwisgaar, aren't you afraid that the success of Toki's book it's kinda going to ruin your career? I don't know - Yeah, aren't you afraid that Toki's book made you really look like an asshole? When you kinda turn into, like, kinda the Ike Turner of guitar? Gentlemen, it appears as if Toki Wartooth has written a tell-all book about Skwisgaar Skwigelf.
Vater Orlaag? A tell-all book can highlight drunken encounters, showcase abusive behaviour, and ultimately, prove bandmates to be complete assholes.
And eventually, tear the band apart.
Gentlemen, we have another issue to discuss: the Revengencers.
We've received intel that they are still active This is the last place the Revengencers were known to be.
These brainwashed ex-Dethklok fans stayed hidden in the woods until they ran out of food, and began devouring each other like dogs.
Still missing is their leader.
We believe it's a man with a silver face, and several others are still alive.
The attack will happen soon, we'll have a secret weapon this time.
Someone on the inside.
Dethklok must die.
Man, is this the best thing in the world or what? Dude, it's great but, i don't know, i'm kinda gettin' bored using it on eachother, maybe we should try something else on.
You think it'll work on other stuff? Huh Yeah!? Maybe they're too dead.
Yeah, can you guys bring us stuff that's not as dead, you know, like, "freshly dead"? Skwisgaar Skwigelf falling from grace? Apparently, his approval ratings have plummeted to new lows, while Toki Wartooth's are flying high! On cloud nine! Fans had this to say: We all have bullies in our lives.
My mom's boyfriend #%*&$ my mom and eats our food.
Are companies getting cold feet with the Skwigelf brand name? Yes they are! Now, for the Skwisgaar Skwigelf Endorsement Deal Deth Watch: Guitaraid, the energy drink for fast guitarists Dead! The Shredder, the only 6.
66 blade disposable razor Dead! And Skwoactiv Skwin Care, The anti-acne medication Dead.
Looks like scrambling companies have found solace in Toki Wartooth's rising popularity.
He has picked up endorsements for Guitaraid, the Shredder, and Tokactiv Tin Tare.
Horrible abuser Skwisgaar Skwigelf must be thanking his lucky stars he still has the Guitarganza, at the norwegian Ice Festival.
And that's the Dethklok Minute.
Oh hey, Skwisgaar, what are you doing, goofing off, palling around? So you're getting ready for your big Ice Festival Guitarganza thing, or whatever is called? Yeah, it's like, huh, i don't know It's like the only thing you got going for you these days.
Yeah pal, i heard they took away all your endorsement stuff.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, it's gotta be rough.
This is like, the only thing you have left.
- Yeah.
- Ah, so sad.
Yeah, it's so sad it's the only thing you got goin' on for you.
At least you got that, though, right? Huh, Skwisgaar, i have some bad news.
You're out of the Ice Festival.
Huh, they want Toki.
Sorry, buddy.
Hey, Skwisgaar.
Skwisgaar, did you hear that Toki's playing the Ice Festival instead of you? Clear! Skwisgaar, it appears as if someone has peed your pants.
Moves my ten o'clocks to 10 30s.
Moves my 10 30s to elevens, and moves my elevens to noons, and my noons to next weeks, that will gives me 10 minutes for lunch, so you better not #%*& this up! Yes, sir.
Tokis, i Really needs to talks to yous.
Oh, look who ams waltzings back into my life.
What, so's you can abuse me more? Pencils him in for next weeks or some $#!* like that.
- Yes, sir.
- I need to talk to you now, Toki.
I Needs to gets my solos back at the Ice Festivals.
Wells, wells, wells, isn't this a funny turns of events? I remembers askings yous for the same things, and you know what you did? You laugheds at me! - I don't laughs.
You may not likes this, but i'ms becomings empowereds! And the answers for you in regards to your Ice Festival solo Oooooh It's no! #%*&$ no! It's really gots to rips your guts out to see how successful and on tops i am.
Get used to it! Be carefuls what you wish fors! The audience ams a fickles mistress, Toki.
The audience ams a fickles mistress! Lillehammer, Norway And now, on lead guitar Is amazing, abused guitarist, Toki Wartooth! What the #%*&! - Booooo! Can't get it Plug your guitar, you j@*&ass! I can'ts a gets it I c' You're blowing it! They're turning on me.
The audience ams a fickles mistress, Toki.
The audience ams a fickles mistress! He's rights.
The fickle mistress! You loser! Oh, my lefts arm My lefts arms don't wo Oh, my chest, it's tight.
I thinks i'm havin' a panics attack! I'm not a doctor, but i think he's havin' a heart attack.
There's gotta be some way to help him.
- Yeah, there's gotta be a medic here to - I mean, that's what i'm sayin', yeah.
It's a panics attack, that's what it is! I mean, but how do you save someone from having -- like, how do you jumpstart, like, a heart and Help me please, i'd like to know.
Yeah, me too.
Poor guy, look at him.
- He seems fibrilated, and if we could just - Yeah, fibrilated.
- try to de-fibrilate him, he - Yeah, he seems too fibrilly.
Yeah, he seems over-fibrilated, or something.
If there's a way to un-fibrilate him, like to de-febrilate him, you know, then we Then we'd be talkin'.
Then we'd have something to talk about.
I'll takes care of this! Holds on! Come back, Toki.
Come back! I'm havings a panic attack, nots a heart attack! Clears! Comes backs to me, gods dammits! Comes backs to me's! Clears! Clears! Clears! On the next new Metalocalypse: Dethklok is in a brutal third-world country.
Maybe if you haven't destroyed the record, in the first place, we wouldn't be here! - I said i was sorry! - No you didn't ever say It was implied! - I'd like to add to the record - You know that i have an apology problem! Get in the van! All of you! New Metalocalypse Next Sunday at 12:15