Mike & Molly s04e08 Episode Script

Oh, God.
Oh, God, why did I think I could write a book? Ooh! This is bad.
Ooh, this is really bad.
Oh.
Ooh, that sucks.
That sucks.
Oh it still sucks.
Still sucks! You know what? I'll do do that and that.
Yeah! Yeah! Hey.
What are you doing up so late? I'm working on my book.
Okay.
I take it Take it you're not happy with it.
Is that why you're a cop? 'Cause nothing fools you.
Ooh.
Can't be that bad.
It's horrible, and the And I did everything, exactly what the guy told me to do in the How to Write Your Book book.
Let the characters take me where they wanted to go.
All right, and where did they take you? Well, they started off falling deeply in love in Tudor England.
Where's Tudor? In It's when! It's "when" is Tudor! It's the 16th century! Okay, and-and A hundred and something pages later, they're fighting They're fighting space vampires.
Why?! That sounds like something I would read.
I know! Aw, damn it.
What are you doing? What needs to be done.
No, no, no, no! Yeah.
Molly, no! Hey! Just get back! Get back! Please.
Come on.
Oh.
La, la-ba-dee-da La, la-ba-dee-da For the first time in my life I see love I see love For the first time in my life I see love Remember, Mol, if you heave from your core, it's also a good ab workout.
There you go.
Hey, how's she doing? Second verse, same as the first.
What do you got? Oh, my famous hangover cure.
Isn't that for Molly? Hey, it's like on an airplane.
You put on your own oxygen mask before you put one on the kid.
There's my little girl.
You okay, Mol? Yeah, right as rain.
All right.
Come on, let's get you up.
Oh.
No, no, no, no.
Better down.
Better down.
Oh, oh, oh, bring her down, bring her down.
Why did I quit teaching to be a writer? Because you wanted to follow your dreams.
Does this look like my dream? Oh, I swear.
I swear I will never drink again.
You're a Flynn.
Of course you will.
Here, you go.
Sip this.
It'll make you feel better.
Ew.
Oh, God, that's mostly vodka.
Do you want to feel better or not? You never have a hangover if you stay loaded.
That actually looks good.
Mom, you want one? Oh, I already made a pitcher.
Grab some glasses and bring it in.
First, she quits her job, and I was right there to support her through the whole thing.
Yes, you were.
You the man.
Then, she spends I don't know how many months trying to write a book, and once again, I'm 100% in her corner.
We saw it.
A hundred percent.
But last night, I walk into the kitchen, she's in a drunken rage, trying to burn her book.
And that's where I got to draw the line.
Draw that line.
You got no choice.
I mean, I know marriage is supposed to be for better or for worse, but how much worse is it going to get? Really? Nothing? What do we know? I can't even afford a prostitute.
I just hate being on this roller coaster.
She needs to pick a career and stick with it.
What would happen if you just put your foot down? I have no idea.
I've never done it before.
That's why we live with her mother, and I have 30 pillows on my bed.
Well, you need to do something, because all this marital stress is starting to affect your police work.
What are you laughing at? Nothing.
The city of Chicago sleeps well at night, knowing you're on the day shift.
Hey, I am a good cop.
And you know why? Because I've never had any fancy ambitions or dreams to be anything else.
Just a simple man.
Nothing fancy about you.
That's starting to get real annoying.
Sorry.
I was beginning to feel that myself.
Our solar system is made up of eight planets orbiting around the sun.
Earth is one of them.
Can anyone name the rest of the planets? Anyone? Oh, come on! I taught you guys this! You're making me look like an idiot! Security? Hey, I never had a phone.
Cool.
Did you miss me? Thanks for getting me out of the principal's office.
You're welcome.
How do you feel? Well, the booze has worn off, so the shame's setting in.
What were you thinking, coming to the school like that? I don't know.
I guess I just wanted to see my old life.
Why the hell would you want to do that? It's like when you break up with a guy, and you drive by his house.
You're just trying to convince yourself that you made the right decision.
When I drive by an ex's house, it's only to put a brick through his window or something dead in the mailbox.
Oh, my God.
Can't you just crank-call him or something? I do.
I tell him to check the mailbox.
I take it your writing career isn't exactly what you thought it'd be.
It's just a lot harder than I thought.
And the other day, I-I spent four hours on one sentence, just trying to get it right.
Hmm.
What was the sentence? "She stood there in silence thinking.
" Wouldn't it be, "she silently stood there, thinking?" Oh, God, even you're a better writer than I am.
Ah, don't beat yourself up.
Maybe you're just not talented.
Yeah, that's what I've been saying.
But everybody in that house is so damned supportive.
Well, that's why you got me.
You know, I've kind of been putting Mike through a lot lately.
He doesn't have to know about this little field trip, does he? Gee, I hate to keep stuff from my boy.
Oh, come on.
He keeps stuff from you all the time.
You know, we were in town this Thanksgiving.
Really? You kept the lights off all day.
You did a drive-by? I invented the drive-by.
All right, I'll keep your little secret.
Thank you.
But there's got to be some quid pro quo.
Okay, what kind of quo are we talking about? I don't know.
Let me sit silently and think about it.
Wouldn't it be "sit in silence"? Seriously? Sorry.
Hey.
What are you doing home in the middle of the day? I forgot the key to the warehouse crapper, and my guys are all bitching about having to go outside.
You make them go outside? Hey, it's not called a dumpster for nothing.
Oh.
What's with you? You sick? Just of my life.
Okay.
That's more than I want to get into.
You asked.
You know what your problem is? You think too much.
You question everything.
Is that so? See? You just did it.
You know what I'm thinking right now? Nothing.
No.
Wait.
Here comes something.
Who's bending down to give me a rainbow? Everyone knows it's windy.
Remember that song? Not like that.
Listen, I know you're going through some kind of inner turmoil vis-ã -vis your questionable life choices.
But hang in there.
Six months ago, I was flat broke.
Now I have a 10,000-square-foot warehouse with two full-time employees and three illegals.
Congratulations.
Actually, I just lost two of my illegals.
Ins did a sweep, and only one of them hid in the bathroom.
That's where the keys are.
All right, see you later.
See ya.
Here's a thought.
Why don't you get off your mopey keister and come help me down at the warehouse? Oh, here's a thought.
No! Why not? You're strong, you got all your fingers, and you have no other options.
You either work for me, or you build iPhones in China.
Thank you, but I don't see myself working in a warehouse.
What, you too good for it? Did you know William Faulkner worked in a power plant when he wrote As I Lay Dying? How did you know that? Snapple lid.
Faulkner's no slouch.
Maybe a day of manual labor is just what I need, you know? No thinking, no worrying, just Just doing.
Okay.
You're on, Vince.
Okay, I'm gonna go change my clothes.
Oh, what's the vibe down there? Is is like, you know, flannels and Dickies? Huh? Oh, forget it.
I'll just throw something together.
Da da da da, stormy eyes.
who's tripping down the streets of the city Smiling at everybody she sees Who's reachin' out to capture a moment Everyone knows it's windy.
Joyce, you mind if I ask you a personal question? gym teacher.
What? What? No, uh, my question is about the change that happens in a woman's life.
Like puberty? Later.
Adultery? Later.
Menopause? Yeah, that.
When does that start? How would I know? Come on, Joyce, I I'm worried about Molly.
She's all over the place lately.
And like every other man, you want to make a vaginal issue about it.
I don't want to, I-I just want to know what's going on with my wife.
Well, you can relax.
Molly's not going through menopause.
She's just trying to find herself.
Yeah, I keep hearing that.
But-but what does that mean? I don't know.
It's just a thing you say when somebody's gone bat-crap crazy.
Mike! Mike! Ooh, you'll never guess who drove a forklift down at Vince's warehouse.
Me! Good luck.
I got her through puberty.
Wait, hold on.
Uh, my wife is a forklift driver now? Yeah, it was just for today.
Are you kidding me? I need you all week.
You're a force of nature.
She outworked my Mexicans.
They're Guatemalan, Vince.
I don't care what part of Mexico they're from.
They're good workers.
And you outdid 'em.
What is happening here? I was sitting around, feeling sorry for myself, and Vince offered me, you know, an honest day's work.
Oh, who-who said anything about honest? I don't know what the boys told you, but I can pay you off the books in cash or fill your trunk with beer.
Well, we could use the money.
We'll take the cash.
They all do.
The first week.
Okay, uh, let me see if I got this straight.
You were a teacher.
Then you became a writer.
Now you're a forklift driver.
Yeah.
Pretty cool, huh? I could watch you all day.
It's like a beautiful dance.
You're the Deney Terrio of forklift drivers.
I don't know who that is, but thank you.
Come down from there, we need to talk.
Sure, what's up? You seem to be taking to this job, am I right? Yeah, I'm I'm having a blast.
Good, that's what I thought.
I see something in you.
You're smart, hardworking, bullheaded.
Oh.
We're not blood, but you remind me of a young me.
Oh, God, that started off as a compliment.
Then it took a really ugly turn.
What I'm saying is, those are the traits a person needs to run a business.
Well, that and a willingness to set fire to a factory when things go south.
What are you? What are you getting at, Vince? I want you to help me run the company, and one day, carry on the moranto name.
Are you serious? I've I've only been here for two days.
Two glorious days.
And who else do I got? If there is one regret I have in my life, it's that a child Has never come from these loins.
Well, I think nature has a way of weeding its own garden.
What do you say? You want to be my heir apparently? Just let me mull it over.
I'll I'll run it by Mike.
Sure.
I understand.
You don't want to jump into something that might solve all your financial problems in one fell swoop.
Think about it.
I could, too.
I could totally torch this place.
So, what do you think? I mean, it's a lot of money.
I do like that part.
I mean, it would mean me giving up my writing.
Sure would.
I could work for Vince during the week and then write on the weekends.
Well, there you go.
Then when? Then when would our special quality time be? That's a very good question.
So, you-you think I should tell Vince "no," huh? I think you need to follow your heart on this.
Oh, for God's sakes, Mike, have an opinion! I'm trying not to! What?! I don't know what's going on, and I'm a little afraid of you! Why? Molly, in the last three months, you've changed jobs three times.
I've barely changed pants that many times.
Well, and it's confusing for me, too.
You know, I'm trying to find myself.
I know I don't want to teach anymore, and I don't I don't know if I'm good enough to write.
And for some weird reason, I can drive the bejesus out of a forklift.
You don't have to find yourself! I found you.
And you're perfect.
Mmm.
That's really sweet.
But that doesn't really help me Aah, I can't.
I can't.
Sweetie, it's 4:00 A.
M.
When are you coming to bed? Oh, soon.
I just just have some ideas I want to get down.
So, you're quitting the warehouse gig? No.
It means I'm taking the warehouse gig.
But you're writing.
Exactly.
Huh? I mean, not worrying about the writing got me thinking about the warehouse.
And then, the warehouse started making me think, like, "ooh, that's a pretty good place for a murder mystery setting.
" And then, next thing I know, I'm four victims and six chapters in.
It's a bloodbath! Okay, all right.
Sounds like you got it all worked out.
Yes, I do.
Well, if you are going to the warehouse tomorrow, which I think you are you should probably get some sleep.
Yeah, I'll be right there.
Ooh.
The warehouse supervisor doesn't know it yet, but he's about to get skewered by a forklift.
Ooh.
Oh.
Hey, kid? You okay? You look a little tired.
I'm fine.
You sure? Why don't you take a break? No, I just I just need another run at it.
Just, all right, I got this.
You know what? I think I am gonna take you up on that break.
This is not bad.
Ooh, not bad at all.
Ooh.
That's pretty great.
Hello.
Hi.
It's time.
For what? Quid pro quo.
Come on, let's go.
Where are we going? None of your business.
Know how to handle a chainsaw? What? Oh, never mind.
I'll show you when we get there.