Milo Murphy's Law (2016) Episode Scripts

N/A - Sunny Side Up

1 - What's that all about? - Oh! You're new here.
I've got a bit of a reputation.
So, what are you? A tough guy? Oh, I don't think anyone's ever called me tough.
- I'm Milo.
- I'm Zack.
BOY: No, Zack.
[SOFTLY] No, no, no, no.
So what exactly is this reputation? Well, people have used the "J" word, but you know what they say, "Sticks and stones can damage your vital organs "so always wear body armor.
" [ARMOR THUDDING] - Hi, Milo.
- Hi, Melissa.
- I'm just gonna stand back here.
- Good call.
So, Milo, how was your weekend? - Eventful.
- Yeah, I'll bet.
- I got a new scar.
Wanna see? - Sure.
That's a good one.
- I know, right? All right, seriously, dude, what's going on here? - What do you mean? - I mean, what is all of this? And what is the "J" word? [SOFTLY] Well, I don't like to say it out loud.
[CRASHING] Ah, it's one of those heavy-duty bungees they use to tie stuff down in construction sites.
Hey, where did you get the [RUMBLING] [SCREAMING] I bet my pudding pack we don't see them again today.
- I'll take that action.
- Really? Yeah, are you kidding? Milo's tough.
As a matter of fact, I'll see your pudding pack and raise you a snickerdoodle.
Or are you just all talk? - [CHUCKLES] She just called you out! - Whoa.
[SCREAMS] Wait, why aren't you screaming? I find it doesn't help.
Just hurts the larynx.
Hand me that bungee and you better hang on to my backpack.
[SCREAMS] ZACK: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That bungee was definitely defective.
[BARKING] No, Diogee, go home.
Silly dog.
He's not supposed to be in the street.
[SCREAMS] [PEOPLE SCREAMING] Whoa, whoa, whoa! You might want to slide over this way a little.
[BOTH GRUNT] The "J" word wouldn't happen to be "jinx", would it? [TITLE MUSIC] Look at that sun Look at that sky Look at my sweater vest I look so fly Look at that mailbox Look at that tree It's about as beautiful as it can be Whoa Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute It's my world and we're all livin' in it Whoa, whoa Never boring even for a minute It's my world and we're all livin' in it [DIOGEE BARKS] So, Melissa, what's up with your boy? I can almost taste that snickerdoodle now.
Oh, yeah? You wanna make it more interesting? - What are you guys talking about? - Melissa's betting that Milo's gonna make it to school and on time.
I'm in.
What's happened so far? Concrete drainage pipe chased him down a hill.
I got some vegan cheese sticks that says we don't see them till after lunch.
I got gummy licorice.
All right, all right.
Let me get my notepad.
No, no, no, no! Wait, wait! [GROANS] Oh, man.
I'm gonna miss my first day at a new school.
My parents are gonna flip out.
Don't worry.
My dad always says, "What doesn't kill you only makes you late for school.
" So I don't think we're gonna miss the whole day.
[BARKING] No, Diogee, run home.
I'm going to school.
Plus, if we catch the bus at the next stop, we may not even be late.
I've got the bus route marked on my GP S.
It must have gotten wet when we fell in the mud.
But fear not, I've got a backup right here.
Paper map! Old school.
Oh, don't worry.
I remember the way.
This has happened before.
"This has happened before?" This exact thing?! We'll beat them to the next stop.
We just have to go through the rock quarry.
Rock quarry, sure.
What could possibly go wrong? Sorry, boys.
There's been a little oil spill, as you can see.
It's been quite a mess, so nobody's getting through today.
I think we can still make it across.
- I brought galoshes.
- I didn't.
I've got an extra pair and they're hazmat rated for a level 4 biohazard.
- Oh, I don't think - Here's a certificate from the EPA.
What are you a nine, nine and a half? Well, it's notarized so I suppose if you [BIRD CHIRPING] [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING] [SCREECHING] Maybe we should go through the woods.
ALL: Whoa! Look, they're safe! They're cutting through Coyote Woods.
Coyote Woods? What exactly is your definition of safe? Go, Milo! So do you even know where we are? Oh, yeah.
The fire's dried out my phone.
We are right in the middle of Coyote Woods.
Wait, Coyote Woods? [WHIMPERS] I've got a thing about coyotes.
They're like big dogs that are dangerous to pet.
Oh, don't worry.
There's no coyotes here.
- There aren't? - No.
Actually, the woods were named after actor Peter Coyote.
- Really? - Yeah.
He donated all this land to the city as a wolf preserve.
[WOLF HOWLING] You get how that's not better, right? [SCREAMING] Don't worry.
Wolves love peanut butter.
[ALL BARKING] You know, wolves barely ever attack humans.
- Is that true? - Oh, yeah.
Bees are responsible for many more fatalities than wolves every year.
[BEES BUZZING] Hey! We're out of the woods.
- What do you mean? - We're outside the fence.
Just jump.
[HIVE THUDS] Wow! That was incredibly lucky.
The way the day's been going, I was pretty sure it was gonna [HOWLING] [BEES BUZZING] [GRUNTS] [WOLF HOWLING] [ZACK SCREAMS] Are you guys seeing this? Yeah, why is that wolf wearing a turban? Double or nothing! Who's in? How many fatalities are blamed on wolves and bees together? - Well, we would be the first.
- Whoa! [WOLF HOWLING IN DISTANCE] Here you go.
These will help us navigate in the dark.
Dude, if and when we get out of here, I'm gonna have to go my own way.
No offense.
I just can't handle all of this.
All of what? [CHITTERING] This cyclone of calamity that follows you everywhere you go.
How do you live like this? - How do you live like that? - What do you mean? I mean, you wanna live like those other kids? They took a bus to school today.
A bus! Does that seem like more fun to you? Hmm all right.
Where to next? Well, there's a loose grate up over here to the left.
- I've been here before.
- Of course you have.
All right, I guess we turn the water back on.
You know, we're missing one of those heavy-duty bungees that we tie stuff down with? And also a section of one of that concrete drainage pipe.
Huh? [GRUNTS] [MUSIC] [ZACK YELLING] Hey, Milo, is that a new scar? Yeah, thanks for noticing.
Okay, Chelsea's in for a pack of chips.
Sid's up to two pudding packs.
I like that confidence, Sid, but you're going down.
Mort's down for cheese sticks and an apple, and Bradley is the big spender with a whole vacuum-sealed lunch pack, which I can cover, but I'll have to bring it tomorrow.
[GASPS] Look! There they are! Oh, man.
They're gonna beat us to school.
Never mind, there they go.
Anyone wanna up the ante? I wish we had a way to steer this thing to shore.
We don't need to.
Look! The Maple Street bridge! Here, I'll give you a boost.
Good boy.
Here you go, but I do need you to go home, okay? Go home.
He's not supposed to be in the river.
[GASPS] [SCREAMS] [TIRES SCREECHING] [CREAKING] You know, I don't know if it's the adrenaline talking, but I'm starting to feel like we can handle anything that comes our way.
Well, maybe not "anything.
" - Ninety seconds to the bell.
- There is no way he's making it.
[SCOFFS] If you're so sure, it's not too late to sweeten the pot.
Three jawbreakers and some vitamin C tablets.
What? It's cold and flu season! [SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE] [WHIRRING] You know, they are from out of town.
Maybe they don't even realize they're inconveniencing us.
Uh, guys? Guys? Um, I realize you've come a long way, but we really need to get to school.
Well, Melissa, start passing out the loot.
[BELL RINGING] Phew! Made it all in one piece! Of course the wolves got my lunch.
Mine got crushed at the bus stop.
Guess we're going hungry.
Don't worry, I got you two covered.
[SNAP] - GIRL: Here you go.
- BOY: Here you go.
Ooh, look! A vitamin C tablet.
What? It's cold and flu season.
It's my world and we're all livin' in it So I opened the door to the arboretum, and there they were! And I have no idea where the orangutan came from.
Yeah, I mean, how far is the nearest zoo? And why was he so set on getting my pistachios? It's the mysteries that make life worth living.
At least that's what it says in my expensive book of mysteries.
All right, class.
Today we are starting on a new physics project.
This will test everything you've learned about gravity, inertia and weight distribution.
All things I utilized in making this beautiful desk.
Solid oak.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC] Took me the better part of 21 weeks.
Weeks of solitude, just me, the wood.
[CLEARS THROAT] [STAMMERING] If you work hard, someday you too may own a special desk.
Not this one, though.
This one's mine.
So, over the weekend, you will be building a container, inside of which you will put an egg.
Your grade will be based on only one criteria.
When dropped from the roof of the school, will the egg break? An unbroken egg guarantees the team an A.
All the others will be judged on how well they have applied the concepts we've been talking about in class.
Now, you will all be breaking into teams of three.
So, I guess you three will be a team then? - Cowards.
- Any limit on the number of eggs we break while we're building it? - No.
- Okay then.
You sure you don't wanna join our team, Melissa? I named it "Team Melissa.
" Not after you.
Different Melissa.
No, I'm good.
Really? You're gonna jeopardize those straight A's? You know, eggs can be rather fragile.
Bring it on.
I eat eggs for breakfast! Yeah, so do all of us.
- [DOORBELL RINGING] Milo? - MILO: Coming! I got eight dozen eggs.
That should last us Like I said, I got four dozen eggs.
MELISSA: Amateurs! - Wow! - That's a lot of eggs.
I've got a grade point average to protect.
You think that's maybe a little bit overkill? [CREAKING] - No, I do not think it is overkill.
- Touché.
So, shall we get crackin'? - That's eggs-actly - No! No egg puns.
[MUSIC] Whoa! # You best be careful how you handle me # # I'm not as sturdy as you think # # You're too in touch with your dream plan, you see # # I don't wanna be your weakest link # - # Hey, don't break me # - # Hey! # # Don't wanna crack in my precious shell # # Keep your wild abandon to yourself # - # Hey, don't break me # - # Hey! # # Don't wanna be your lightning rod # # Like the view just fine here from the shelf # - # So, baby, please don't break me # - # Hey! # # Hey # - # Please don't break me # - # Hey! # - # Ha! # - # Hey! # - # Please don't break me # - # Hey! # # Mmm # - Did you just put an egg in your pocket? - Yeah.
Yeah, that's not gonna end well.
Aah? [BIRD SQUAWKS] Okay, guys, we are going to crack this thing.
And by that, I mean we are not going to crack this thing.
We have to build something that can withstand a two-story drop, a wood door, a tree branch, a size 8 and a half sneaker, - Zack's butt, a raccoon attack - ZACK: Hey MELISSA: It's all in here.
We have to build something that will withstand not only one of these things, but all of them simultaneously.
Well, you know what they say.
Whatever breaks our egg only helps our egg dropping contraption utilize the forces of gravity, inertia and weight distribution better.
- That's the spirit! - Who says that? [SQUISHING] Okay, team.
I give you version 87.
3 dash 9.
ZACK: I say we just call it "Big Bertha.
" I'm not naming them anymore.
I don't wanna get attached.
Come here, Diogee.
[PANTING] Here it goes.
Okay, looking good.
[GRUNTS] Wait.
I think.
[GRUNTS] - Well? - The egg is completely intact! - We did it! - Whoo-hoo! I've gotta see this.
I'll be right down! Whoa, whoa, no! You stay right there, Milo! We still have to get this to class in one piece.
I'll guard Big Bertha for the night.
And Melissa, you take home all the extra eggs.
What extras? That was our last one.
Really? Well, here, then.
Triple-cooler it.
And we'd better get out of here - before anything else - MARTIN: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Look out! No brakes! Whoa! [GRUNTS] [ALARM SOUNDING] - Hi, kids.
- Hi, Mr.
Murphy, we gotta go, bye! See you tomorrow, team! MR.
MURPHY: Milo, be a dear and get your dad his crutches.
[YAWNING] Okay, Big Bertha, time to get you to schoo [GASPS] No! [GASPS] Huh.
Just a dream.
All right.
Time to rise and [GASPS] No! [GASPS] Oh, it's just a dream.
[GASPS] Well, that is peculiar.
[GASPS] Yeah, that's more like it.
[BELL RINGING] ZACK: Melissa, over here! - How's Big Bertha doing? - Good so far.
How's the egg? A-okay! Let's just get this thing to the classroom.
Three o'clock! [YELLS] Ten o'clock! Actual clock! - He's already here, isn't he? - How'd you guess? Hi, guys! Milo, I need to take the egg out.
Do you mind? No problem.
I'll stand in the corner.
I'm helping by not helping.
Pilot egg is ready for drop-off.
Whoo-hoo! Oops! Heads up! [ALL SCREAMING] No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! That was our last one.
Now we can't even compete! I am so sorry, Melissa.
I don't know what to say.
Oh, wait a second.
I forgot this one! Okay, class, take your projects up to the roof while I monitor the drop zone.
[LAUGHS] And send one of your team members down with me for clean-up.
I'll be on the ground crew.
Good luck, guys.
And FYI, a tremendous portion of my self-esteem is wrapped up in my grade point average, but, you know, no pressure.
You know, I made that pencil you're holding.
MILO: I think this is taller than my tree house.
Look, with all our trials and errors, this baby can now handle anything.
Team One, you're up.
Okay, let's go down the check list one more time.
[SQUISHING] You need to take into account acceleration speed! - Parachute? - Check.
With 1.
5 second deploy speed.
- Shock absorbers? - [SQUISHING] Check.
Compressed air plungers braced by interior bendy straws.
I cannot emphasize weight distribution enough.
- Think of my desk! I know I am.
- Roll cage? Check.
Vacuum hose with closed foam core.
And we have our first successful Oh, uh, yeah, no.
Get the mop over here.
We'll show you how it's done.
Very nice.
Just a hairline fracture.
Bradley's team is the one to beat.
- Yeah! In your face, other people! - I'm on your team.
I hope it works.
I don't wanna let Melissa down.
Come on.
How much can happen between here and the ground? Milo, Zack, Melissa.
You are the last ones to go! Come on, hold together.
One, two BOTH: Three! Yes, yes, yes Hey, is this the cafeteria service entrance? - No, no, no! - Uh-oh! Kickball game! Check, she can handle that! [WHISTLE BLOWING] - Football scrimmage! - Uh check, theoretically.
[MUSIC] [GROWLING] - Polar bear water tank.
- What? Give me those! So, that's where the zoo is.
- ZACK: Uh check.
- Wind turbines! - Uh check? - News copter! - Come on.
Oh, come on.
[BARKS] Not you, Diogee.
Seriously, can someone help me out? I gotta deliver all these eggs.
[GROWLS] [BARKS] We have a winner! Team Milo gets an A! You three did it.
I'm so proud of you.
Now, that's a grade A egg.
[BARKS] - Well, I guess the yolk's on - I said no egg puns! [MUSIC] We're all livin' in it CHORUS: # Go, Milo Go, Milo, go # MILO: # Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational # Go, Milo Go, Milo, go Whoa I'm not sitting here watching the world turn You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go It's my world and we're all livin' in it