Milo Murphy's Law (2016) s01e20 Episode Script
The Math Book
1 [CROWS CAWING.]
There it is.
- The temple of forgotten math books.
- You mean, "School where you happen to always forget your math book"? It does start looking creepier as the sun goes down.
I hope Miss Camilichec's room isn't locked.
We might need the Great Key Keeper to get in the classroom.
- Who? - Fred the janitor.
Also known as "The Key Keeper.
" Because he has a lot of keys.
He's a wise and mysterious force who guides us on quests toward enlightenment.
The janitor at my old school just yelled at us and called us slobs.
Oh, out of batteries.
Hello? - Hello? - Hello? - Hello, children.
- ALL: Principal Milder! You kids are here a little late.
I forgot a book that I need for my homework.
Again? Melissa, I'm so disappointed.
- It's just in Ms.
Camilichec's room.
- Oh, she locked up early.
- Er, can we turn the hall lights on? - No.
We need to save money after the school board bought that yacht.
Step into my office, we'll get that key.
- I'm giving you my only copy.
- And I'm saying thank you.
Why are they describing what they're doing? I once knew a kid who borrowed one of my classroom keys and didn't return it.
And do you know what happened to that kid? - No.
- Okay, well, if you find out, tell them I would like my keys back! Someday three children I know will be sitting around saying, "Old Principal Milder, she really taught us something.
" - You mean us? - Oh, no.
Three other kids.
ZACK: I could show you some techniques to help you not forget stuff.
Ooh, "Techniques"? You could make a list of things you need to take home.
- Oh, I made a list.
- And where is it now? I needed something to hold the page in my math book.
Here it is.
And here's the list I made.
See? "Bring home math book.
" - Lists don't work.
Boom! - Well, not if you leave them in the thing, you were trying to remember.
Zack, the key? We need to lock the door.
Oh, I saw it on the desk in there.
The good news is, we have already locked the door.
The bad news is, we have already locked the door.
No! I have to get her key back! I'm going to be the star of one of her I-knew-a-kid-stories.
Don't worry, no one ever knows what kid she's talking about when she tells them.
Looks like we're going to need the Great Key Keeper after all.
You're right.
He can get us back in.
But he's impossible to find.
- Some say, he doesn't even exist.
- But you said he's the janitor.
Some say, I said he's the janitor.
- It a quest! - Yeah, a quest.
Looking for the janitor is a "quest?" Okay, do you want a quest or not? Because if not, there's a chair right there with your name on it.
Literally, in a heart.
By the way, I think that girl Crystal likes you.
- Wait.
Which one is Crystal? - The one that likes you, apparently.
Wait a minute! On the back of this blank piece of paper it's a map of the school! No, that blank piece of paper is just the back of a map.
What are the odds that we would find this on the very evening of our quest? Pretty high, since they hand those out to everybody.
Shh! The quest.
Fred? Weird.
The great key keeper doesn't lock his own door.
The Pyramids.
Stonehenge.
Well.
Nothing lasts forever.
There's gotta be a clue around here somewhere.
[ALL GASPS.]
ALL: Mr.
Drako? Oh, children.
I stepped inside to get a mop and I got locked inside.
- I've done that so many times.
- Hey! There's a note.
"Children, follow the path where your feet may squeak, only then will you receive the object you seek.
" - Ooh, cryptic! - Why? Because it rhymes? Feet squeak on clean floors.
He's cleaning the hallway! ALL: The quest! ZACK: Also called just "Looking for the janitor.
" MELISSA: Zack! [ALL CLAMORING.]
Man, he gets these floors so clean.
We're actually accelerating! MELISSA: Look out for the Jefferson G.
County statue! [ALL GRUNT.]
It's falling! [GRUNTS.]
Is knocking over that statue part of the "quest"? You don't have to use air quotes.
- I can't help it.
- Could be the quest.
It could also be Murphy's Law, you know.
Something that can go wrong, going wrong.
That's what makes it questy.
Stop making up words.
[CHUCKLES.]
- The wet floors stop here.
- As if he vanished.
Either that or he did this area first, and it just had time to dry.
[POUNDING.]
Beat them.
Knock them clean.
[ALL COUGHS.]
The hall monitors are cleaning the erasers! [COUGHS.]
Quick, put on these dust-filtering masks.
ZACK: And they have animal faces on them because? MILO: They serve a variety of purposes.
Beat them.
Knock them clean.
Beat them like a tambourine.
ZACK: It's jammed! It's like my dad always says, "The only way out is through a creepy dark corridor.
" [QUIETLY.]
Milo.
Oh, that's just the school Halloween decorations.
ZACK: So, these are just decorations too? Oh, no, yours are real.
[BOTH SCREAM.]
Get them off! Get them off! - Uh-oh.
- We're going to grow old in here, and they'll find us when we're like, 24.
And Principal Milder will still be talking about how irresponsible I am! Hang on! I think I have something that can get us out! So that's what our student ID's are for.
- So this is the library.
- It's like the Internet, but on paper.
Hey, wait.
One red book ZACK: So how are we going to get out? I think that was our only way in.
[SCREAMS.]
- What were you doing? - I was tilting a book to see if there was a secret passageway.
[CRUMBLES.]
Wow I was absolutely sure that would not work.
[MUSIC.]
It's so dark in here.
I can't see anything.
- I got that covered.
- How's this going to work? I've got a generator in my backpack.
You know, this reminds me of the time my family and I fell into an undiscovered Aztec temple and we had to [GENERATOR RUNNING.]
[INAUDIBLE.]
[GENERATOR GOES DOWN.]
the museum.
Oh, the generator ran out of gas.
So the Mona Lisa that's hanging in the Louvre right now isn't even the real one? Nope.
That was painted by my cousin Reggie.
Though to be fair, Reggie is an above-average artist.
Hey look, guys, the Great Key Keeper left us a sign! Yes! I knew he wouldn't let us down.
- A mop bucket? - No, not a mop bucket.
A sign on the - [SARCASTICALLY.]
Quest.
- Guys, up here! - I've seen this before.
- Me too.
Maybe in a dream.
Or during second period.
Goggles everyone! In case of a chemical splatter or Bunsen burner incident or [SMASHES.]
Ferret attack! [GASPS.]
I'd just gotten them down for the night.
Sam, Betty, Jackie, Skylar! MELISSA: A clue! See.
Goggles.
You brought the ball back! [CHUCKLES.]
Today must be my lucky day.
The janitor caught a pop fly up on the roof only minutes ago.
- ALL: Hey.
- It's like I've got a whole new crop of outfielders.
[GROANS.]
Please, please let that happen.
Did you say the janitor was on the roof? Well, I assumed it was the janitor.
I mean, I I've never really met the guy, you know.
Although sometimes I swear he's guiding me with little messages.
- Is Is that stupid? - BOTH: No! Yeah, I'm going to reserve comment.
Well, no janitor.
What now? I don't know, I guess we go back to Oh I think this whole day was a lesson about automatically locking doors.
Hey! We're right over Ms.
Camilichec's classroom! - Do you think - My dad always says "When one door closes, there's usually access through a vent in the roof.
" Oh, hey, my art pad, I need that too.
I forgot I even forgot that.
Got it! [GASPS.]
MILO: Oh, it's the drama club.
What's with the scary masks? We're doing commedia dell'arte.
I'm Pantalone, the greedy Venetian merchant.
[SNICKERING.]
Come back here! [WAILING.]
[ALARM RINGING.]
Quiet everyone, this is not a drill! Principal Milder, it's not a fire.
Sorry, we PRINCIPAL MILDER: You know, I once knew three children who didn't enact their fire drill lessons and one day, those three I said to them, "You think you're going to have it better than this out in the wild, go ahead, run free, fly the nest.
But under my roof, you'll obey my rules.
" [FERRETS SQEAKING.]
And it was like, something clicked.
Or maybe it's just that cheesy cracker you got stuck to your foot.
By the way, while we were up on the roof, I put on a new coat of sealant.
You know, I once knew a child who was always up on roof tops sealing vents.
Do you know what happened to him? - He's a successful contractor? - Hmm Interesting theory.
Did you have fun on the "quest"? You mean the quest, no quotes.
Yes, I did.
But it's too bad, we never meet the key keeper.
Oh, come back! I have more cheese crackers! It's you! The Great Key Keeper! - Fred the Janitor! - Yes, hello.
We really appreciate your help.
My math book would thank you if it could speak.
I hereby bestow these treasures upon you and your trusty allies.
- We will treasure these always.
- That's fine.
But first, go help clean up the hallway.
Okay, but hang on.
- Zack! Over here! - Zack! Zack! - It's the Key Keeper, come here! - The Great Key Keeper! He's gone.
- But he left us another sign - Oh! I forgot this.
It's my world and we're all livin' in it [TITLE MUSIC.]
# We're all livin' in it # CHORUS: # Go, Milo Go, Milo, go # MILO: Oh, thanks, everybody! That is so motivational.
Go, Milo Go, Milo, go # Whoa # # Whoa # # I'm not sitting here watching the world turn # You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go # It's my world and we're all livin' in it #
There it is.
- The temple of forgotten math books.
- You mean, "School where you happen to always forget your math book"? It does start looking creepier as the sun goes down.
I hope Miss Camilichec's room isn't locked.
We might need the Great Key Keeper to get in the classroom.
- Who? - Fred the janitor.
Also known as "The Key Keeper.
" Because he has a lot of keys.
He's a wise and mysterious force who guides us on quests toward enlightenment.
The janitor at my old school just yelled at us and called us slobs.
Oh, out of batteries.
Hello? - Hello? - Hello? - Hello, children.
- ALL: Principal Milder! You kids are here a little late.
I forgot a book that I need for my homework.
Again? Melissa, I'm so disappointed.
- It's just in Ms.
Camilichec's room.
- Oh, she locked up early.
- Er, can we turn the hall lights on? - No.
We need to save money after the school board bought that yacht.
Step into my office, we'll get that key.
- I'm giving you my only copy.
- And I'm saying thank you.
Why are they describing what they're doing? I once knew a kid who borrowed one of my classroom keys and didn't return it.
And do you know what happened to that kid? - No.
- Okay, well, if you find out, tell them I would like my keys back! Someday three children I know will be sitting around saying, "Old Principal Milder, she really taught us something.
" - You mean us? - Oh, no.
Three other kids.
ZACK: I could show you some techniques to help you not forget stuff.
Ooh, "Techniques"? You could make a list of things you need to take home.
- Oh, I made a list.
- And where is it now? I needed something to hold the page in my math book.
Here it is.
And here's the list I made.
See? "Bring home math book.
" - Lists don't work.
Boom! - Well, not if you leave them in the thing, you were trying to remember.
Zack, the key? We need to lock the door.
Oh, I saw it on the desk in there.
The good news is, we have already locked the door.
The bad news is, we have already locked the door.
No! I have to get her key back! I'm going to be the star of one of her I-knew-a-kid-stories.
Don't worry, no one ever knows what kid she's talking about when she tells them.
Looks like we're going to need the Great Key Keeper after all.
You're right.
He can get us back in.
But he's impossible to find.
- Some say, he doesn't even exist.
- But you said he's the janitor.
Some say, I said he's the janitor.
- It a quest! - Yeah, a quest.
Looking for the janitor is a "quest?" Okay, do you want a quest or not? Because if not, there's a chair right there with your name on it.
Literally, in a heart.
By the way, I think that girl Crystal likes you.
- Wait.
Which one is Crystal? - The one that likes you, apparently.
Wait a minute! On the back of this blank piece of paper it's a map of the school! No, that blank piece of paper is just the back of a map.
What are the odds that we would find this on the very evening of our quest? Pretty high, since they hand those out to everybody.
Shh! The quest.
Fred? Weird.
The great key keeper doesn't lock his own door.
The Pyramids.
Stonehenge.
Well.
Nothing lasts forever.
There's gotta be a clue around here somewhere.
[ALL GASPS.]
ALL: Mr.
Drako? Oh, children.
I stepped inside to get a mop and I got locked inside.
- I've done that so many times.
- Hey! There's a note.
"Children, follow the path where your feet may squeak, only then will you receive the object you seek.
" - Ooh, cryptic! - Why? Because it rhymes? Feet squeak on clean floors.
He's cleaning the hallway! ALL: The quest! ZACK: Also called just "Looking for the janitor.
" MELISSA: Zack! [ALL CLAMORING.]
Man, he gets these floors so clean.
We're actually accelerating! MELISSA: Look out for the Jefferson G.
County statue! [ALL GRUNT.]
It's falling! [GRUNTS.]
Is knocking over that statue part of the "quest"? You don't have to use air quotes.
- I can't help it.
- Could be the quest.
It could also be Murphy's Law, you know.
Something that can go wrong, going wrong.
That's what makes it questy.
Stop making up words.
[CHUCKLES.]
- The wet floors stop here.
- As if he vanished.
Either that or he did this area first, and it just had time to dry.
[POUNDING.]
Beat them.
Knock them clean.
[ALL COUGHS.]
The hall monitors are cleaning the erasers! [COUGHS.]
Quick, put on these dust-filtering masks.
ZACK: And they have animal faces on them because? MILO: They serve a variety of purposes.
Beat them.
Knock them clean.
Beat them like a tambourine.
ZACK: It's jammed! It's like my dad always says, "The only way out is through a creepy dark corridor.
" [QUIETLY.]
Milo.
Oh, that's just the school Halloween decorations.
ZACK: So, these are just decorations too? Oh, no, yours are real.
[BOTH SCREAM.]
Get them off! Get them off! - Uh-oh.
- We're going to grow old in here, and they'll find us when we're like, 24.
And Principal Milder will still be talking about how irresponsible I am! Hang on! I think I have something that can get us out! So that's what our student ID's are for.
- So this is the library.
- It's like the Internet, but on paper.
Hey, wait.
One red book ZACK: So how are we going to get out? I think that was our only way in.
[SCREAMS.]
- What were you doing? - I was tilting a book to see if there was a secret passageway.
[CRUMBLES.]
Wow I was absolutely sure that would not work.
[MUSIC.]
It's so dark in here.
I can't see anything.
- I got that covered.
- How's this going to work? I've got a generator in my backpack.
You know, this reminds me of the time my family and I fell into an undiscovered Aztec temple and we had to [GENERATOR RUNNING.]
[INAUDIBLE.]
[GENERATOR GOES DOWN.]
the museum.
Oh, the generator ran out of gas.
So the Mona Lisa that's hanging in the Louvre right now isn't even the real one? Nope.
That was painted by my cousin Reggie.
Though to be fair, Reggie is an above-average artist.
Hey look, guys, the Great Key Keeper left us a sign! Yes! I knew he wouldn't let us down.
- A mop bucket? - No, not a mop bucket.
A sign on the - [SARCASTICALLY.]
Quest.
- Guys, up here! - I've seen this before.
- Me too.
Maybe in a dream.
Or during second period.
Goggles everyone! In case of a chemical splatter or Bunsen burner incident or [SMASHES.]
Ferret attack! [GASPS.]
I'd just gotten them down for the night.
Sam, Betty, Jackie, Skylar! MELISSA: A clue! See.
Goggles.
You brought the ball back! [CHUCKLES.]
Today must be my lucky day.
The janitor caught a pop fly up on the roof only minutes ago.
- ALL: Hey.
- It's like I've got a whole new crop of outfielders.
[GROANS.]
Please, please let that happen.
Did you say the janitor was on the roof? Well, I assumed it was the janitor.
I mean, I I've never really met the guy, you know.
Although sometimes I swear he's guiding me with little messages.
- Is Is that stupid? - BOTH: No! Yeah, I'm going to reserve comment.
Well, no janitor.
What now? I don't know, I guess we go back to Oh I think this whole day was a lesson about automatically locking doors.
Hey! We're right over Ms.
Camilichec's classroom! - Do you think - My dad always says "When one door closes, there's usually access through a vent in the roof.
" Oh, hey, my art pad, I need that too.
I forgot I even forgot that.
Got it! [GASPS.]
MILO: Oh, it's the drama club.
What's with the scary masks? We're doing commedia dell'arte.
I'm Pantalone, the greedy Venetian merchant.
[SNICKERING.]
Come back here! [WAILING.]
[ALARM RINGING.]
Quiet everyone, this is not a drill! Principal Milder, it's not a fire.
Sorry, we PRINCIPAL MILDER: You know, I once knew three children who didn't enact their fire drill lessons and one day, those three I said to them, "You think you're going to have it better than this out in the wild, go ahead, run free, fly the nest.
But under my roof, you'll obey my rules.
" [FERRETS SQEAKING.]
And it was like, something clicked.
Or maybe it's just that cheesy cracker you got stuck to your foot.
By the way, while we were up on the roof, I put on a new coat of sealant.
You know, I once knew a child who was always up on roof tops sealing vents.
Do you know what happened to him? - He's a successful contractor? - Hmm Interesting theory.
Did you have fun on the "quest"? You mean the quest, no quotes.
Yes, I did.
But it's too bad, we never meet the key keeper.
Oh, come back! I have more cheese crackers! It's you! The Great Key Keeper! - Fred the Janitor! - Yes, hello.
We really appreciate your help.
My math book would thank you if it could speak.
I hereby bestow these treasures upon you and your trusty allies.
- We will treasure these always.
- That's fine.
But first, go help clean up the hallway.
Okay, but hang on.
- Zack! Over here! - Zack! Zack! - It's the Key Keeper, come here! - The Great Key Keeper! He's gone.
- But he left us another sign - Oh! I forgot this.
It's my world and we're all livin' in it [TITLE MUSIC.]
# We're all livin' in it # CHORUS: # Go, Milo Go, Milo, go # MILO: Oh, thanks, everybody! That is so motivational.
Go, Milo Go, Milo, go # Whoa # # Whoa # # I'm not sitting here watching the world turn # You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go # It's my world and we're all livin' in it #