Milo Murphy's Law (2016) s01e30 Episode Script
The Race
1 [TITLE MUSIC.]
# Look at that sun Look at that sky # # Look at my sweater vest I look so fly # # Look at that mailbox Look at that tree # # It's about as beautiful as it can be # # Whoa # Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Whoa - # We're all livin' in it # - # Whoa # Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Maybe, this is the year I finally finish this race.
You've run it before? No, he runs it every year, but just the beginning of it.
I've never crossed the finish line, what with Murphy's Law and all.
I just can't carry everything I need to combat it, while I'm running.
That's why you guys are carrying my backpack.
No problem.
So, what have we got to work with? Let's see.
Bandages, electrolyte snacks, a bottle of sun block, as big as my head.
Also, dissolvable sleeping bags.
A metal detector.
And a stuffed elephant? Those things may or may not make sense later.
-When? - Well, I don't know.
It's just that, anything that can go wrong ALL: Will go wrong! But not today.
We'll get ahead on our bikes, scope out any situations and be ready for you.
- With a stuffed elephant.
- You guys'll have the backpack, and I'll have my motivational mantras like this one "Don't stop swimming or you'll die.
" Or maybe, that's just sharks.
Did you read that in this book? Inspirational Shark Mantras? Yeah, sharks are surprisingly positive thinkers.
ANNOUNCER: Ready! Set.
Go, runners! [BELL RINGS.]
Oops! Gotta go.
You know what they say, "If everyone's running, they're probably running from you.
" - Another shark mantra? - Or maybe, a Milo mantra.
Whoops! Sorry! It's gonna be a long race.
Can't believe we're stuck with Cavendish and Dakota's nut mission.
We can check it off in a couple hours and then get back to saving the world.
So, how does selling pistachios keep them from becoming extinct in the future? We just stand here and make sure - nothing happens to the shipment.
- So, we're nut guards.
- Seed sentries.
- Legume lookouts.
- They're not legumes.
- [MOCKING.]
They're not legumes! That's what you sound like.
Race for Runts.
So, they're raising money for dogs that are smaller than other dogs? I guess, they gotta buy them more food - so they can grow.
- Yes.
Well, we can't let pistachio survive and take over the world.
So, we have to stop Brick and Savannah.
This is not going to be easy.
Yeah, but it's better than cleaning outhouses in the Renaissance.
All you ever hear about are the paintings, they don't tell you about the stench.
Oh, hi, Cavendish, Dakota! - Oh, hello, Murphy.
- Hey, Murphy.
Uh-oh! [SCREAMS.]
Murphy's Law! CAVENDISH: [SCREAMS.]
Where are we going? When are we going? [BOTH GRUNT.]
Looks like we've traveled to the 1870s.
Hey, you're finally in style.
[GRUNTS.]
- Okay, let's pull a u-ey and go back.
- Howdy, there, partners.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh, hello, um We're just passing through, don't mind us.
Oh, I don't mind nothing.
If I spent time minding things, I'd be minding all the time.
[NEIGHS.]
[ENGINE WHIRRING.]
Uh, won't.
Now it won't start.
We're stuck! We're stuck! The future is doomed and the Renaissance potties are going to have to clean themselves.
Well, if we're gonna be stuck here for a bit, maybe we should get some new outfits so we can blend in.
Well, I guess, just me.
[ALL CHEERING.]
BOTH: Go, Milo! - How are you feeling? - Great! Just a little thirsty.
[EAGLE SCREAMING.]
- Throw me my towel.
- Okay, heads up, Milo.
[GASPS.]
No, not a trowel.
A towel! Oh, sorry, that makes much more sense.
Milo, bridge ahead! [BIRD CHIRPS.]
Get the discus and the bandage ready.
Watch out! The discus, throw it at the lever.
[GRUNTS.]
Amazing, Milo.
What were you gonna do with the bandage? Oh, yeah, I've got a blister.
- Thanks.
- Oh! So, how soon before I can start saying, "Reckon?" Preferably, never.
We just have to fix our time machine and get back to the future to stop Brick and Savannah from saving those pistachios.
I reckon I need more thread.
See, it sounds so cool when he says it.
How are we gonna find parts for a car built 150 years in the future? Did I hear 150 years in the future? Oh, hello, Sherriff.
Murphy, is it? Oh, funny, as in Murphy's law.
Well, I am a Murphy and I am the law.
I reckon, you are.
Hear that? I said, "Reckon.
" Reckon you are.
[SCREAMS.]
Whoa! Look at that.
Good thing it's not Sunday.
New clothes, eh? Phillip here, is the best tailor in these here parts.
Of course, he is the only one.
If y'all are from the future, I reckon that means you're time travelers.
[BOTH MUMBLING.]
We get a lot of those down here.
- TOGETHER: You do? - They hang out at the So So Corral.
Best saloon in these here parts.
Of course, it's also the only one.
Place is just down the street.
This street, that is.
- The only street.
- If there are time travelers here, they may have the parts we need.
- I wonder if they have cold pressed juice.
- It's 1875! What? You think juice is new? They had fruit in the past.
Hang on, are we sure, that this is the What's that now? I said, are we sure that this is the right overpass? Oh.
No.
We've got an overpass demo, up ahead.
- What do you think, you'll need? - I don't know, use your instincts.
I'm thinking, "Inflatable Santa.
" - What would he do with that? - What does he ever do with it? You can do it, guys! The only thing we have to fear is harpoons and feeding frenzies.
Enough with the shark mantras.
Too obvious, too weird, too egg beater-y.
I have no more instincts.
I'm running on fumes, here.
Both good mantras.
What if we can't get you to the finish line? Wait, Milo.
Come on, guys.
It's time to go full Megalodon.
Nothing can break your bones when you're cartilaginous.
That's not a seal, that's a surfer.
You really gotta get another mantra book.
And that's when we realized, we were stuck here.
And that's how it happened to us too.
Hang on, all of you are time travelers who got stuck here? [INDISTINCT BLABBERING.]
The only person I know personally, who's really from here is Sherriff Murphy, personally.
Sherriff Murphy, that's it! He's a Murphy, - and he's the law.
He is - The original Murphy's Law! You're a real conclusion stealer, you know that? That man is Milo's great, great, great, great grandfather! That's why this place is like a time travel Bermuda Triangle, so So, all of you are stranded here like us, huh? So, what happened to your time machines? DAKOTA: Wow.
These are some snazzy vehicles.
How come, we always get stuck with the outdated lemon? Well, because the last time they gave us a new car, we destroyed Earth's second moon.
- I, uh - You're sure that you can't get - any of them working? - Personally, I stopped looking for the gas.
- I like it here, personally.
- Oh, yeah.
Me too.
- Our machine needed batteries.
- Diesel fuel.
Mine takes gingerbread lattes.
Your time machine uses gingerbread lattes for power? Well, not exclusively.
All the holiday flavors are used.
[CHRISTMAS BELLS JINGLING.]
Uh.
What are we going to do? We're gonna be stuck here like these people for all eternity.
Chewing straw and saying, "Reckon" a lot.
Ooh! That does feel good.
- Eh, reckon.
- Reckon.
[DRAMATICALLY.]
Reckon.
TOGETHER: Yes.
But if we don't get back, the future will be ruined by those plants.
Well, I suppose there is the possibility that Brick and Savannah will fail the mission just like we always did.
- Ooh, never mind.
- Yeah, that's not going to happen.
[HORSE NEIGHING.]
[ENGINE SPUTTERING.]
Every moment we're stuck here, we come closer to a pistachio dominated future.
Maybe, we can find a working starter switch in one of those abandoned machines and jerry-rig it? Capital idea.
Let's push.
[BANJO PLAYING.]
Eh, let me give you a hand getting that to the time machine junk yard.
- Ah.
Why, thank you.
- Oh.
Wait.
No.
Don't help.
Murphy's law.
[DONKEY BRAYING.]
Ah! [SCREAMING.]
Hey, if we get them running fast enough, our old, crummy, standard transmission will let us bump start.
- We just pop the clutch and it should start.
- Oh! You're right.
- Whoa! - Pop it! [ENGINE STARTS.]
BOTH: Yes! Why did they [SCREAMING.]
Since we're going to die anyway I'd like to air some grievances.
Yes! Ye-hess! Well, safe travels, now.
Oh, say hello to my great, great, great, great grandkids.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING.]
ZACK: Uh-oh.
Lot of possible hazards, here.
- Dig deep.
- Rubber cement glue, fistful of pebbles and a nail scissor.
Badminton racket, tin foil ball, picture frame.
Bacon bits, stapler, paint thinner.
- I don't know.
I just don't know.
- He's almost here.
Game over, man! We're finished.
[BELL DINGS.]
Finished.
I have an idea.
- Well, nuts are still safe.
- Yep.
Still safe.
- DAKOTA: Look out! -The steering is gone.
DAKOTA: Well, we are in mid-air.
MILO: [PANTING.]
I have to [GASPING.]
finish.
Just a little [PANTING.]
further - We destroyed the pistachios.
- Mission accomplished.
[PANTING.]
- So so close.
- MELISSA: Milo! Over here.
[PANTING.]
You guys have a backup finish line! [LAUGHING.]
Ha-ha! Brilliant.
Milo, one-oh-one.
Always have a backup.
[DRAMATIC VICTORY MUSIC.]
- Yes, yes, we did it.
- We did it.
We did it! - And also you.
- You too, Milo.
- You finished! - Yes! That's right.
But you guys built this pretty fast and we should probably get out from under here.
[SIGHS.]
- Aw, nuts.
- [MOCKINGLY.]
Aw, nuts.
That's what you sound like.
[MUSIC.]
We're all livin' in it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go MILO: Oh, thanks, everybody! That is so motivational.
Go, Milo Go, Milo, go Whoa I'm not sitting here watching the world turn You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go It's my world and we're all livin' in it
# Look at that sun Look at that sky # # Look at my sweater vest I look so fly # # Look at that mailbox Look at that tree # # It's about as beautiful as it can be # # Whoa # Today is gonna be exceptional Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Whoa - # We're all livin' in it # - # Whoa # Never boring even for a minute # It's my world and we're all livin' in it # Maybe, this is the year I finally finish this race.
You've run it before? No, he runs it every year, but just the beginning of it.
I've never crossed the finish line, what with Murphy's Law and all.
I just can't carry everything I need to combat it, while I'm running.
That's why you guys are carrying my backpack.
No problem.
So, what have we got to work with? Let's see.
Bandages, electrolyte snacks, a bottle of sun block, as big as my head.
Also, dissolvable sleeping bags.
A metal detector.
And a stuffed elephant? Those things may or may not make sense later.
-When? - Well, I don't know.
It's just that, anything that can go wrong ALL: Will go wrong! But not today.
We'll get ahead on our bikes, scope out any situations and be ready for you.
- With a stuffed elephant.
- You guys'll have the backpack, and I'll have my motivational mantras like this one "Don't stop swimming or you'll die.
" Or maybe, that's just sharks.
Did you read that in this book? Inspirational Shark Mantras? Yeah, sharks are surprisingly positive thinkers.
ANNOUNCER: Ready! Set.
Go, runners! [BELL RINGS.]
Oops! Gotta go.
You know what they say, "If everyone's running, they're probably running from you.
" - Another shark mantra? - Or maybe, a Milo mantra.
Whoops! Sorry! It's gonna be a long race.
Can't believe we're stuck with Cavendish and Dakota's nut mission.
We can check it off in a couple hours and then get back to saving the world.
So, how does selling pistachios keep them from becoming extinct in the future? We just stand here and make sure - nothing happens to the shipment.
- So, we're nut guards.
- Seed sentries.
- Legume lookouts.
- They're not legumes.
- [MOCKING.]
They're not legumes! That's what you sound like.
Race for Runts.
So, they're raising money for dogs that are smaller than other dogs? I guess, they gotta buy them more food - so they can grow.
- Yes.
Well, we can't let pistachio survive and take over the world.
So, we have to stop Brick and Savannah.
This is not going to be easy.
Yeah, but it's better than cleaning outhouses in the Renaissance.
All you ever hear about are the paintings, they don't tell you about the stench.
Oh, hi, Cavendish, Dakota! - Oh, hello, Murphy.
- Hey, Murphy.
Uh-oh! [SCREAMS.]
Murphy's Law! CAVENDISH: [SCREAMS.]
Where are we going? When are we going? [BOTH GRUNT.]
Looks like we've traveled to the 1870s.
Hey, you're finally in style.
[GRUNTS.]
- Okay, let's pull a u-ey and go back.
- Howdy, there, partners.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh, hello, um We're just passing through, don't mind us.
Oh, I don't mind nothing.
If I spent time minding things, I'd be minding all the time.
[NEIGHS.]
[ENGINE WHIRRING.]
Uh, won't.
Now it won't start.
We're stuck! We're stuck! The future is doomed and the Renaissance potties are going to have to clean themselves.
Well, if we're gonna be stuck here for a bit, maybe we should get some new outfits so we can blend in.
Well, I guess, just me.
[ALL CHEERING.]
BOTH: Go, Milo! - How are you feeling? - Great! Just a little thirsty.
[EAGLE SCREAMING.]
- Throw me my towel.
- Okay, heads up, Milo.
[GASPS.]
No, not a trowel.
A towel! Oh, sorry, that makes much more sense.
Milo, bridge ahead! [BIRD CHIRPS.]
Get the discus and the bandage ready.
Watch out! The discus, throw it at the lever.
[GRUNTS.]
Amazing, Milo.
What were you gonna do with the bandage? Oh, yeah, I've got a blister.
- Thanks.
- Oh! So, how soon before I can start saying, "Reckon?" Preferably, never.
We just have to fix our time machine and get back to the future to stop Brick and Savannah from saving those pistachios.
I reckon I need more thread.
See, it sounds so cool when he says it.
How are we gonna find parts for a car built 150 years in the future? Did I hear 150 years in the future? Oh, hello, Sherriff.
Murphy, is it? Oh, funny, as in Murphy's law.
Well, I am a Murphy and I am the law.
I reckon, you are.
Hear that? I said, "Reckon.
" Reckon you are.
[SCREAMS.]
Whoa! Look at that.
Good thing it's not Sunday.
New clothes, eh? Phillip here, is the best tailor in these here parts.
Of course, he is the only one.
If y'all are from the future, I reckon that means you're time travelers.
[BOTH MUMBLING.]
We get a lot of those down here.
- TOGETHER: You do? - They hang out at the So So Corral.
Best saloon in these here parts.
Of course, it's also the only one.
Place is just down the street.
This street, that is.
- The only street.
- If there are time travelers here, they may have the parts we need.
- I wonder if they have cold pressed juice.
- It's 1875! What? You think juice is new? They had fruit in the past.
Hang on, are we sure, that this is the What's that now? I said, are we sure that this is the right overpass? Oh.
No.
We've got an overpass demo, up ahead.
- What do you think, you'll need? - I don't know, use your instincts.
I'm thinking, "Inflatable Santa.
" - What would he do with that? - What does he ever do with it? You can do it, guys! The only thing we have to fear is harpoons and feeding frenzies.
Enough with the shark mantras.
Too obvious, too weird, too egg beater-y.
I have no more instincts.
I'm running on fumes, here.
Both good mantras.
What if we can't get you to the finish line? Wait, Milo.
Come on, guys.
It's time to go full Megalodon.
Nothing can break your bones when you're cartilaginous.
That's not a seal, that's a surfer.
You really gotta get another mantra book.
And that's when we realized, we were stuck here.
And that's how it happened to us too.
Hang on, all of you are time travelers who got stuck here? [INDISTINCT BLABBERING.]
The only person I know personally, who's really from here is Sherriff Murphy, personally.
Sherriff Murphy, that's it! He's a Murphy, - and he's the law.
He is - The original Murphy's Law! You're a real conclusion stealer, you know that? That man is Milo's great, great, great, great grandfather! That's why this place is like a time travel Bermuda Triangle, so So, all of you are stranded here like us, huh? So, what happened to your time machines? DAKOTA: Wow.
These are some snazzy vehicles.
How come, we always get stuck with the outdated lemon? Well, because the last time they gave us a new car, we destroyed Earth's second moon.
- I, uh - You're sure that you can't get - any of them working? - Personally, I stopped looking for the gas.
- I like it here, personally.
- Oh, yeah.
Me too.
- Our machine needed batteries.
- Diesel fuel.
Mine takes gingerbread lattes.
Your time machine uses gingerbread lattes for power? Well, not exclusively.
All the holiday flavors are used.
[CHRISTMAS BELLS JINGLING.]
Uh.
What are we going to do? We're gonna be stuck here like these people for all eternity.
Chewing straw and saying, "Reckon" a lot.
Ooh! That does feel good.
- Eh, reckon.
- Reckon.
[DRAMATICALLY.]
Reckon.
TOGETHER: Yes.
But if we don't get back, the future will be ruined by those plants.
Well, I suppose there is the possibility that Brick and Savannah will fail the mission just like we always did.
- Ooh, never mind.
- Yeah, that's not going to happen.
[HORSE NEIGHING.]
[ENGINE SPUTTERING.]
Every moment we're stuck here, we come closer to a pistachio dominated future.
Maybe, we can find a working starter switch in one of those abandoned machines and jerry-rig it? Capital idea.
Let's push.
[BANJO PLAYING.]
Eh, let me give you a hand getting that to the time machine junk yard.
- Ah.
Why, thank you.
- Oh.
Wait.
No.
Don't help.
Murphy's law.
[DONKEY BRAYING.]
Ah! [SCREAMING.]
Hey, if we get them running fast enough, our old, crummy, standard transmission will let us bump start.
- We just pop the clutch and it should start.
- Oh! You're right.
- Whoa! - Pop it! [ENGINE STARTS.]
BOTH: Yes! Why did they [SCREAMING.]
Since we're going to die anyway I'd like to air some grievances.
Yes! Ye-hess! Well, safe travels, now.
Oh, say hello to my great, great, great, great grandkids.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING.]
ZACK: Uh-oh.
Lot of possible hazards, here.
- Dig deep.
- Rubber cement glue, fistful of pebbles and a nail scissor.
Badminton racket, tin foil ball, picture frame.
Bacon bits, stapler, paint thinner.
- I don't know.
I just don't know.
- He's almost here.
Game over, man! We're finished.
[BELL DINGS.]
Finished.
I have an idea.
- Well, nuts are still safe.
- Yep.
Still safe.
- DAKOTA: Look out! -The steering is gone.
DAKOTA: Well, we are in mid-air.
MILO: [PANTING.]
I have to [GASPING.]
finish.
Just a little [PANTING.]
further - We destroyed the pistachios.
- Mission accomplished.
[PANTING.]
- So so close.
- MELISSA: Milo! Over here.
[PANTING.]
You guys have a backup finish line! [LAUGHING.]
Ha-ha! Brilliant.
Milo, one-oh-one.
Always have a backup.
[DRAMATIC VICTORY MUSIC.]
- Yes, yes, we did it.
- We did it.
We did it! - And also you.
- You too, Milo.
- You finished! - Yes! That's right.
But you guys built this pretty fast and we should probably get out from under here.
[SIGHS.]
- Aw, nuts.
- [MOCKINGLY.]
Aw, nuts.
That's what you sound like.
[MUSIC.]
We're all livin' in it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go MILO: Oh, thanks, everybody! That is so motivational.
Go, Milo Go, Milo, go Whoa I'm not sitting here watching the world turn You know I'd rather spin it Go, Milo Go, Milo, go It's my world and we're all livin' in it