Nero Wolfe Mystery, A (2001) s01e03 Episode Script
Champagne for One: Part 2
This is grotesque.
Well, it certainly is, yes.
Four of the suspects come to your house, uninvited ready for a good heart-to-heart and what do they get? They get bounced.
Get get Saul, Fred and Norian and-and have them come here by 3:00.
No, 2:30.
2:30.
I felt uplifted.
That he was calling his operatives in for assignments was promising.
No, 2:00.
Have them be here by 2:00.
You and I will have lunch early.
I'm going to tell Fritz.
That he had changed it from 3:00 when his lunch would've settled to 2:30 when digestion would've barely started was impressive.
That he had advanced it again to 2:00 with an early lunch was inspiring.
And then go to tell Fritz instead of ringing for him all hell was popping.
I want to see Faith Usher's mother.
Find her and bring her to me.
There's no need to take notes.
There's nothing to note except the bare fact that Miss Usher's mother is alive and must be somewhere.
Is her name Usher? Why don't you listen? I told you that's all I know.
Do we keep covered? Yes, but not at the cost of missing your mark.
Lon Cohen, please.
There are a dozen Ushers in the Manhattan directory.
Lon, it's Archie.
Listen, real quick.
I need to get some information from you about the whereabouts of Faith Usher's mother.
What do you know? Oh, you do? Really, huh? Skip the phone book.
Lon Cohen says a woman named Marjorie Betz claimed Faith Usher's body at the morgue on Wednesday.
That's B-E-T-Z.
Address: 812 West 87th Street.
She had a letter signed by Elaine Usher mother of Faith.
Same address.
A Gazette man saw Mrs.
Usher leave the apartment sometime Wednesday and hasn't been able to find her, see.
And Lon doesn't think anyone has.
End of chapter.
Nobody skips for nothing.
Find her.
Bring her.
Use any inducement likely to effect results.
I want to see Wolfe.
Wait here.
His tone indicated that his plan was to get Wolfe down and tramp on him.
So I left him to his mood.
Our client is right Did he have an app? I may be wrong.
I hope to God Have a seat, Mr.
Laidlaw.
Well, sir? Did you send a note to the District Attorney telling him I'm the father of Faith Usher's child? No, I did not.
Did you? No, of course not.
Have you told anybody either? Plainly, sir, you are distressed and must be indulged.
But nothing has happened to release either Mr.
Goodwin or me from our pledge of confidence.
If and when it does then you will be the first to be notified.
Now I suggest that you retire and cool off a little.
When I left here this morning there were police waiting for me in my office.
They took me to see Bowan, the District Attorney himself.
He asked me if I wanted to change my statement that I had never met Faith Usher before Tuesday, and I said "no.
" They had some kind of evidence? They had a note.
It came in the mail yesterday.
Typewritten, no signature.
It said, "Have you found out yet "that Edwin Laidlaw is the father of Faith Usher's baby? Ask him about his trip to Canada on August 1956.
" I just sat and stared at it.
It was worth a stare, even if it had been false.
Did you collapse? No, by God, I didn't.
I think my subconscious mind had already decided what to do.
I was too stunned to decide anything so I must've already decided to refuse to answer any questions about anything at all.
Which is what I did.
They kept me for two hours.
You admitted nothing? No.
Not even that you had been on a trip to Canada in August of 1956? I admitted nothing.
I didn't answer a single question.
Satisfactory Highly satisfactory.
This is indeed welcome, Mr.
Laidlaw.
Welcome? Certainly.
We have at last goaded someone to action.
This is most gratifying.
If there was a small shadow of a doubt that Miss Usher had been murdered, this removes it.
Still, it is true that you you yourself may be the culprit but I would prefer to believe that the murderer has felt compelled to create a diversion.
And that is gratifying.
Now he is doomed.
But good God, they know about me.
They know no more than they did before.
They receive at least a dozen of these unsigned accusatory letters every day.
And they have learned that the charges in most of them are groundless.
We have 30 minutes.
You told me that no one on earth knew of your dalliance with Faith Usher.
Now we know you were wrong.
We must review every moment that you spent with her where you might have been seen or heard.
I- I must go at 4:00, but Mr.
Goodwin will will continue.
When Wolfe undertakes that sort of thing he is worse than a housewife bent on finding a speck of dust the maid overlooked.
Did you become involved with her immediately? Intimately, I mean.
What was it about her that first attracted your interest? Be specific.
Start at the very beginning.
I can only remember so much When 4:00 came time for Wolfe to go up and play with the orchids I carried on.
And we wre working on the third day in Canada somewhere in Quebec when Uh, she lost her diary in Hold on, hold on.
I wish I could've said I was surprised.
All right.
Come on.
Let's go.
Let's move.
Inspector Cramer's looking for you.
But how would he know Never mind how; Let's go.
This way out.
Mr.
Laidlaw wants to leave through the back in a hurry and I haven't time because Cramer wants in.
Show him out, quick, and you haven't seen him.
I suppose it's me you want since you know Wolfe won't be available till 6:00.
Open up, Goodwin.
You know damn well what my orders are.
There are to be no callers admitted There are to be of 4:00 and 6:00 unless it's for me.
I know.
Open up.
Okay if it's for me.
Where's Laidlaw? Search me.
There are lots of Laidlaws.
I haven't seen one.
Yeah nuts.
Cramer! Cramer! All right, now he said that he came to see me.
But then he rushed past me and he started yapping something like "Where's Laidlaw?" He had such a craving for someone named Laidlaw that his morals are shot.
Are you demented? You know, some day, some day Some day what? You'll recover your senses? You're horning in again.
Goodwin turned a suicide into a murder and here you are.
This afternoon, Laidlaw was called downtown and when he left, he headed for you.
So I know he came here.
So I come If you weren't an Inspector I'd say that's a lie but since you are we'll call it a fib.
You do not know he's here.
I know he hopped a taxi and he gave the driver this address.
So where was I supposed to think he went? Correction.
You suppose he had been here.
All right "I suppose.
" Have you seen Edwin Laidlaw in the last three hours? This is quite beyond belief.
You know how rigidly I maintain my personal schedule.
You know how I resent any interference in these two hours of relaxation.
Yet you enter my home, by duplicity you come charging up here to ask a question you have no right to an answer! So you don't get one! Indeed, under these circumstances I doubt you could put a question to anything whatsoever that I would answer! I know where it hurts, Inspector.
You still haven't gotten over the day that you came with a warrant looking for a woman named Clara Fox.
Later you found out she was in the orchid room after you'd searched the entire house.
You figured if you could rush up there now without letting me have a chance to give the alarm you'd find him with Laidlaw.
The problem is, he wasn't there.
So now you're stuck.
You ought to take off your coat before you leave, or you'll catch a cold.
Well dressed a little bit flashy.
No job, but she's never short of money.
And she seems to like men.
We must find her, confound it.
I wait to see Mrs.
Usher not merely because her daughter said she hated her now there is also the fact that she has disappeared.
Yes, sir.
Nero Wolfe's office.
Archie Goodwin speaking.
Ah, hello.
Oh, y-yes, that's fine.
20 minutes on the outside.
All right.
Well, that was, uh, Celia Grantham.
Wants to see me urgently.
I think she wants to know why I won't go dancing with her anymore.
Miss Celia Mr.
Goodwin.
Mother wants to see you.
I thought you did.
I do.
But it only occurred to me after she got me to decoy for her.
She's down in the music room with the Police Commissioner.
They wanted to see you and thought you might not come so she asked me to phone you.
But before all that I want to ask you something.
What is it about Edwin Laidlaw and that girl Faith Usher? Search me.
Why? Well I thought you'd know about it since it's you that's making all the trouble.
You see I may marry him some day since you've turned out to be a skunk.
Are you a skunk? I'll, uh, think about it and let you know.
Uh, so what is it about Laidlaw and Faith Usher? That's what I want to know.
They're asking questions of all of us and they're typing samples on all of our typewriters.
I think they got an anonymous letter.
Well, I wouldn't let it wreck your marriage plans, Celia.
Because even if there's an anonymous letter that says Laidlaw fathered Faith's baby why, it proves nothing.
If he was the father of her baby that means if I married him we could have a family.
And I want one.
I'm worried he might be getting into a jam and you're no help.
I'm sorry.
Suit yourself.
If you'd rather duck mother and Police Commissioner you know where your hat and coat are.
I'll tell them you got mad and went.
Mmm.
I wouldn't want you to get into a jam.
Oh, that's sweet.
Come on.
it'll be fun.
Take me down.
Take you down where? Archie.
Mr.
Goodwin.
He came up on his own.
I warned him you were laying for him, but here he is.
Mr.
Skinner, Mr.
Goodwin.
Mr.
Goodwin, Mr.
Skinner.
We've met.
Have a seat.
I wish to say I would've preferred never to have you in my house again.
Well, your daughter said you wanted me to come.
Was that just to tell me I'm not welcome? I have just spent the worst three days of my life.
And Cecil, please.
And you are responsible.
I want you to know that I think you are capable of blackmail.
And I think that's what you have in mind.
And I will not submit to it.
And if you try anything Mom.
Hold it.
That's libelous.
And useless.
Goodwin, this is unofficial and off the record.
My colleagues don't even know I'm here.
Let's just assume something.
Just an assumption.
Well, assuming is one of my talents.
Let's just assume that on Tuesday evening when something happened that you said you would prevent you were exasperated.
And, in the heat of the moment you blurted out that Faith Usher had been murdered thus committing yourself.
Can I comment as you go along or do I have to wait until you're through? I realize it would be difficult for you now to admit that you were mistaken.
But I have a suggestion.
I suggest that you wanted to be absolutely sure of your ground.
So you came back here this evening to review the scene and found me here.
And after a closer inspection you realized, though, you had nothing to apologize for.
You have been unduly positive.
You'll just concede that it is possible that Faith Usher did poison her own champagne.
And if the official conclusion is suicide you will not challenge it.
Shut up.
I will, of course, be under an obligation to ensure that you will suffer no damage or inconvenience.
Uh, we realize you probably have to consult with Wolfe before you give us a definite answer.
You can phone him from here.
Or go to him.
I'll wait for you here.
This has gone on long enough.
You through? Yes.
You know, my mother once told me "Never go someplace where you're not welcome.
" Maybe I'm sensitive but I feel like I've sat through this long enough.
Celia.
Good evening.
Good evening.
The next morning, Saul phoned to report.
All right.
They'd been staking out Elaine Usher's apartment the one she shared with Marjorie Betz but there had been no sign of her.
At noon, Saul reported in again.
Still no progress in the search for Elaine Usher.
Nothing happening her apartment.
Mon Dieu! But at 2:30 the phone rang again.
I got her.
Man from a messenger service went to the apartment and when he came out, he had a suitcase with him.
The tag read "Miss Edith Upser Room 911, Hotel Christie.
" I was tempted to tackle her right then and there but I thought I better wait for instructions.
Well, it sounds like you need a staff there, Saul.
I'll be there in 12 minutes.
No.
Proceed, Saul, as you think best.
For this sort of juncture your talents are as good as mine.
Yes, sir.
Preferably in a mood of compliance but get her here.
Yes, sir.
It is Saturday and I have received my check for the week.
I would like a month's severance pay.
Phooey.
No phooey.
I am severing relations.
It has been 88 hours since I saw that girl die.
And your one bright idea granted it was bright was to bring that girl's mother here.
Now I refuse to sit on my fanny while Saul gets to go Shut up.
Archie.
Archie.
I've shut up.
This is natural.
That is it-it's in us and-and whatever is in life is natural.
You're headstrong, and I am magisterial.
And our tolerance of each other is a recurring miracle.
I- I did not have one idea right or not I had two.
We have neglected Austin Byne.
Ever since he got you to that party by pretending an illness he didn't have and the fact that he chose Faith Usher to attend he deserves better of us.
We must attend to him.
How? By telling him we don't like his explanations and ask him to give us some new ones? Nonsense.
You're not so ingenuous.
Survey him.
Explore him.
Well, I already have.
He has no visible means of support.
He has an apartment, a car plays table stakes poker, doesn't go naked.
Uh, the apartment, by the way, hits my eye and if you hang this murder on him and our tolerance miracle runs out of gas I'll probably take the apartment.
Perhaps the best course would be to put him under surveillance.
If I postpone writing this check is that an instruction? Yes.
Well, it might be good to get out, get a little air.
And get away from the miracle.
When starting to tail a man it is desirable to know where he is so I was a little handicapped.
I dialed Byne's number, no answer.
So at least I knew where he wasn't.
Over the next two hours I ate five pieces of pie two rhubarb and one each of apple, green tomato and chocolate and drank four glasses of milk and two of coffee.
To keep from arousing curiosity either by my tenure or my diet, I made sketches of the cat.
In the Village, that accounts for anything.
I could only hope that Dinky wasn't set to spend the evening curled up with a good book or even without one.
But that didn't seem likely since he would have to eat and I doubted that he did his own cooking.
Archie.
Jesus! Saul, what the hell are you doing here? Are you on her, too? You might've told me.
No.
I'm tailing the guy that just walked by.
Where's yours? In Tom's Joint.
She's just came.
I'll be damned.
Have you seen her? Have you spoken to her? Does she know you? No, no.
This guy knows me.
One'll get you ten they're in there together.
Go have a look.
Well, I never bet against fate, but I'll check it out.
They are together in a booth.
There's nobody with them and he's eating oysters.
Ah, he'll soon be eating crow.
Now, listen, we got a real problem.
He's mine; she's yours.
Who's in charge? Well, that's easy Mr.
Wolfe.
I was afraid so, damn it.
All right.
Well, he's in there eating oysters so there's plenty of time to phone.
You or me? You.
I'll stick here.
This is the Wolfe residence.
Hey, Fritz, let me talk to Mr.
Wolfe.
Archie, it's dinnertime.
Yeah, I know.
Tell him it's urgent.
Well?! I have a report.
Saul and I are having an argument.
See, he thought What the devil are you doing with Saul? It's a question of protocol, see? See, I tailed Byne here and Saul tailed Mrs.
Usher to the same restaurant.
Now they're sitting together in a booth.
So, the question is, who's in charge, Saul or me? So we thought the only way to settle it without violence was to call you.
Yes, at mealtime.
Yeah, I know.
They should've known better, huh? Do they know they have been seen? No, no, not at all.
Could you eavesdrop? Possibly, but I doubt it.
Very well, bring them here.
There's no hurry.
I've just started dinner.
Just give them no time for private exchange after they've seen you.
Have you eaten? Yeah, I've had plenty of pie and milk, I'll tell you that.
Ask Saul, maybe he could join us.
I don't think I have enough birds.
Forget Saul.
You might need him.
Look, I'm not a magician.
Are we destitute that we can't have another bird? No, I mean, I can't make it appear Hi, Dinky.
Sorry for butting in.
I'd like to introduce a friend of mine, Mr.
Saul Panzer.
Miss Usher, this is Saul Panzer.
Saul Panzer, Mr.
Byne.
Let us out or I go out over you.
And the name is Ups Now just a little calm, all right? Can I get you anything? If we have a situation you only make it worse.
Now take it easy, see? What do you want? I'm trying to tell you.
Mr.
Panzer and I want to know why the two of you had arranged to meet in a dump like this.
That's what we want to know.
I expect others will be, too.
That's right like the press, the public, the police the District Attorney and Nero Wolfe.
We can't expect him to explain it here in this den of smog.
That's right.
Now either Mr.
Panzer can phone Inspector Cramer right now or we'll take you to talk to Mr.
Wolfe.
Whichever you prefer.
Look, Archie, it's not as it seems.
It looks funny, sure, but we didn't plan this.
I met Mrs.
Usher a year ago when her daughter was at the Grantham House and when I came in here and saw her After what's happened, naturally he spoke to me Save it! Both of you.
Phone Cramer.
No, listen.
Uh, uh, ah, listen, damn it.
No listening.
You got one minute to decide.
Either we call Cramer for you or you go talk to Wolfe.
One minute, go.
The cops! The cops! Would you just listen to No listening.
You got 40 seconds left.
If you're playing stud and there's only one card to come and the man across has two jacks showing and all you have is a mess it doesn't matter what his hole card is or yours either.
Check, please.
I prefer to speak with you separately but first I want to make sure there is no misunderstanding.
I intend to badger you but you don't have to submit to it.
You may get up and leave.
If you do, you will be through with me and henceforth you will deal with the police.
I make that clear because I don't want you bouncing up and down.
I wish to speak privately with Mr.
Byne.
Take Mrs.
Usher to the front room.
Now I've heard your explanation for being in the restaurant with Mrs.
Usher.
You expect me to accept it? No.
I told Goodwin that because the truth would only embarrass Mrs.
Usher.
I can't help it; I met her three years ago and for about the past year, I've been intimate with her.
And your meeting with her this evening was accidental? No.
She knew I was Mrs.
Robilotti's nephew and she wanted to know how her daughter died.
I'm afraid I couldn't tell her more than what she read in the papers.
Is that your story? Yes.
Then I'll see Mrs.
Usher.
After I speak with her, I'll ask you in again with her present.
Archie, take, uh, Mr.
Byne and bring in Mrs.
Usher.
Of course, madam my reason for speaking with you separately is transparent: to see if your accounts agree.
Since you have had no opportunity for collusion agreement would be, if not conclusive, at least persuasive.
You use big words, don't ya? I try to use words to say what I mean.
So do I.
I don't know what Mr.
Byne told you but I called him up this morning and asked to see him.
He suggested the joint and I went.
Not very thrilling, is it? Only moderately.
Have you known him long? I don't really know him at all.
I met him somewhere a year ago.
I don't remember where.
Why did you leave your home and go to a hotel under another name? I didn't want to see people.
I knew reporters would come and cops.
Bring in Mr.
Byne, Archie.
I don't want to prolong this beyond necessity but I would like to congratulate you.
You have both lied so cleverly that it would have taken a long and costly investigation to impeach you.
It was anadmirable performance.
Unfortunately for you the performance was wasted.
When you left your hotel room, Mrs.
Usher I had one of my man search it and he found a most interesting document.
Wh-what document? It's a letter from Albert Grantham in which he concedes being the father of your child.
Perhaps the best way to identify it is to quote an excerpt from it.
Let's say paragraph four: "So I have given my nephew, Austin Byne "a portfolio of securities, the income of which is tax-exempt: "an amount more than $2 million.
"The yield will be about $55,000 annually.
"My nephew will remit half to you "and keep the other half to himself.
"If you disclose the relationship we once had or make any additional demands this agreement is null and void.
" That was paragraph Get back.
You hit me! Give that back to me! It will be returned to you, madam after it's used as an exhibit in a murder trial.
No one has been murdered! You are in error, Mr.
Byne.
Sit down! Now, does this agreement state that your remittance decreases if your daughter should die? Yeah.
I only get half as much or even less.
Are you telling the truth? Was she murdered? I'm afraid so, madam.
I would like to see the agreement.
I have sent Mr.
Cather to your apartment to look for it.
It will expedite matters if you'll phone him and tell him where it is.
My God, you threatening to call the police on me? I'll call them myself.
I'll tell them a man has broken into my apartment and he's there now.
Here, Dinky, use my phone.
He's not going to find the agreement because it's not there.
It's in a safe deposit box and it's going to stay there.
Tomorrow is Sunday so it must wait until Monday.
However, Mr.
Cather didn't go to the trouble for nothing.
He will use your typewriter and write something with it.
"Have you found out yet that Edwin Laidlaw is the father of Faith Usher's baby?" You smile.
Are you amused? Because you don't have a typewriter? Sure, I have a typewriter.
Did I smile? You were wrong to smile.
That was a mistake.
You couldn't possibly be amused.
So you must be pleased.
By what? I'll try to guess.
The guilty machine is elsewhere.
It should be easy to find.
For instance, the bank vault where you have the safety deposit box.
Archie, you go to my box regularly.
Would it be remarkable for a vault customer to ask for a typewriter? Remarkable? No.
Beat it, Elaine.
I want to talk to Wolfe.
Please wait in the front room.
You win.
So I spill my guts.
Where do you want me to start? Why did you send the note to the police? Well, they were going on with the investigation and I was afraid they might dig up I knew Faith's mother and about the arrangement.
And if she was murdered I figured Laidlaw probably did it.
Why? That day he went to Canada I saw the both of them together in his car.
I put the rest together.
So now you know he's the only one with reason to kill her! You had one.
I wasn't there! True, but those who were there can also plead lack of opportunity.
I told Elaine she'd still be getting her half of the money.
Go ask her.
You told Mr.
Goodwin that your selection of Miss Usher to be invited to the party was fortuitous.
But now that explanation won't do.
When Mrs.
Irwin gave me the list, and I saw Faith's name I thought it would be ironic to invite her.
'Course my aunt could cross Faith off and then tell Mrs.
Irwin.
And then I thought of another funny idea: Have Laidlaw there, too.
I know I'm a fool, but there you are.
Did Miss Usher know that Albert Grantham had fathered her? Oh, dear God, no.
No.
Wolfe leaned back, closed his eyes and his lips started to work.
They pushed out and in, out and in, out and in.
Sooner or later, he always does that.
I should have a sign made "Genius at work" and put it on his desk when he starts it.
The time has come to attack the central question: How was Faith Usher murdered? Archie, get Mr.
Cramer.
No, damn you! After I've spilled my guts Mr.
Byne, don't squeal until you're hurt.
I've got you and I intend to keep you.
Call Mr.
Cramer, ask him to invite everyone from the party to my office tomorrow morning at 11:00.
He may come as well particularly if he wishes to apprehend a murderer.
You and Ms.
Usher will remain here as my guests.
I don't want either of you to have a chance to confer with anyone, and this will ensure it.
I had no idea what he had in mind but I knew one thing: The murder had already been solved and tomorrow I would know how.
You have explained the purpose of this gathering, Mr.
Cramer? Yes, you're going to prove if, uh, Goodwin was either right or wrong.
I didn't say prove.
I said I intended to satisfy myself and deal with him accordingly.
Ladies and gentlemen, I will not keep you long.
At least, not most of you.
I have no exhortation for you and no question to ask.
To form an opinion of Mr.
Goodwin's competence as an eyewitness I need to see not what he saw but a close approximation of it.
We'll do the best we can.
Archie? First of all Mr.
Hackett, if you could take a position behind the bar? Wolfe's idea was to reproduce, as nearly as possible the scene of the crime.
It was a damn silly idea since you could've put seven or eight of that office into Mrs.
Robilotti's drawing room.
If recreation was essential, he could've broken his rule to never leave the house on business and moved the whole performance uptown to Mrs.
Robilotti's.
But he was too stubborn for that.
if you could take your positions by the bar.
The distances are wrong but the relative positions are correct.
Mr.
Panzer here is going to be Faith Usher.
This ashtray here this represents the bag that Faith Usher had which contained the poison.
Mr.
Wolfe all set.
Uh, Mr.
Hackett I understand that when Mr.
Grantham went to the bar for champagne for himself and Miss Usher two glasses were there in readiness.
You had poured one of them a few minutes earlier and the other just before he arrived.
Is that correct? Oh, yes, sir.
And as I told the police and the District Attorney one of the glasses had been sitting there three or four minutes.
Well, that will prove to be relevant, Mr.
Hackett.
Please pour a glass now, and put it in place.
The bottles and the cooler on the table were champagne and good champagne; Wolfe had insisted on it.
Fritz had opened two of them.
Keep the bottle in your hand.
I'll explain what I'm after, and you may proceed.
I want to see it from various angles.
After Mr.
Grantham delivers his glass to Mr.
Panzer that is to say, Miss Usher I will ask him to repeat his performance by delivering glasses individually to everyone.
I was as confused as everyone else about what Wolfe had in mind.
But I had sympathy for the others.
Unlike them, I was comfortable with that unique brand of confusion.
I'd experienced it many times before in that very room.
Oh, uh, I hope I didn't spoil it.
It was in poor taste.
I meant it to be.
This whole thing has been in poor taste from the beginning.
I appeal to all of you.
Did anything about Mr.
Grantham's performance strike your eye? Yeah.
He carried the glasses the same every time.
The one in his right hand thumb and forefinger were on the bowl.
The one in his left hand, he held that by the stem.
And he kept the one in his right hand and handed them the one in his left hand.
I had never before seen Wolfe look at Pearly with unqualified admiration.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mr.
Stebbins.
Thank you.
You not only have eyes, but know what they're for.
Will anyone corroborate Mr.
Stebbins? I do.
I will.
Will you, Mr.
Cramer? What's your conclusion? Well, surely that's obvious.
Anyone who is sufficiently familiar with Mr.
Grantham's habits and who saw him pick up the glasses and start off with them would know which one he would hand to Faith Usher.
Please bring in our guest.
Mrs.
Robilotti.
May I present Mrs.
Usher.
Faith's mother.
It's a pleasure.
A great pleasure.
Mother.
What'd she do that for? That is all, ladies and gentlemen.
I wish to continue but only with Mrs.
Robilotti, Mr.
Byne Mr.
Laidlaw and Mr.
Robilotti by courtesy, if he chooses to stay.
The rest of you may go.
I needed your help for this demonstration and I thank you for coming.
Uh, it would be a pleasure to serve you champagne on some happier occasion.
You mean we have to go? I'd like to stay.
Good night.
Madame.
I regret the indignity you have suffered under my roof.
Oh, you stage it, and then you regret it? I do regret it, Mrs.
Robilotti.
And I had no hand in it.
All right.
Let's hear it.
You have seen it.
Certainly, I staged it.
You heard me deliberately bait Mrs.
Robilotti to insure the desired reaction to Mrs.
Usher's appearance.
Before commenting on that reaction I must explain Mr.
Byne's presence.
He is here because it was something he said that informed me that Mrs.
Robilotti knew her husband had fathered Faith Usher.
That's a lie.
A damn lie.
I choose my words, Mr.
Byne.
I didn't say you told me that but that something you said informed me.
Speaking of the people invited to the gathering you said, "Of course, my aunt could cross Faith off and tell Mrs.
Irwin " And you stopped realizing you'd slipped.
When I let it pass, you thought I'd missed it, but I hadn't.
There was no implication.
Nonsense.
Why should your aunt refuse to have Faith Usher in her house? Granting that there were many possible explanations there was only one suggested by the known facts.
That she knew Miss Usher was her former husband's illegitimate daughter.
You can't have it both ways.
You said she wouldn't let Faith Usher in her house because she knew she was Uncle Albert's daughter? But she did have her in her house.
She knew Faith was invited.
She let her come.
I know.
That's the point.
That's my main reason for assuming that your aunt killed her.
Hold it.
Mrs.
Robilotti, I want you to know I find this as shocking as you do.
I doubt it.
I didn't know that a man could go as low as this.
This is incredible.
Murder is always incredible.
No, I have committed myself now, Madame.
Before witnesses.
And if I am wrong, I shall be at your mercy.
I wouldn't like that.
Mr.
Cramer, you are shocked.
I can expound, or you can attack.
Which would you prefer? Neither one.
Well, in that case you have trimmed long enough, Mr.
Byne.
Did your aunt know Faith Usher was the daughter of Albert Grantham? I told her a couple of months ago.
She called me a parasite for living off my uncle's money.
So I lost my temper and told her why he gave me the money.
To care for his illegitimate daughter.
Liar.
You stand there and you lie? You told me because you wanted to blackmail me.
You wanted to get more millions out of me because the millions you got out of Albert weren't good enough for you.
You bloodsucker.
You leech Stop it.
I submit to you that Mrs.
Robilotti deliberately let Faith Usher come to the party so she could kill her.
How did she get Faith Usher's cyanide out of her purse and into the drink? Confound it! Must I shine your shoes for you? I doubt she ever went near the bag.
I suggest you inquire whether Mrs.
Robilotti had access to a supply of cyanide.
You might even find that she procured some herself.
I do not pretend that I am showing you ripened fruit which you only need to pick, Mr.
Cramer.
I undertook merely to satisfy myself whether Mr.
Goodwin was right or wrong.
I am satisfied.
Are you? I'm going home.
Let me pass, please.
Not right now.
I'm afraid you're going to have to answer some questions.
Uh, uh, uh, uh Louise.
Louise.
Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for lunch.
You're welcome to join me in the dining room if you wish.
Good day, Mr.
Laidlaw.
We'll be in touch.
Archie? You've left my life in tatters.
I'm sorry, Celia.
This must be a terrible shock to you.
It changes everything.
I could never marry a man who put my mother in jail.
Yes, well, that's always a wise policy.
As if you didn't know you skunk.
I guess I'll just have to find someone else.
Edwin.
My dear.
My dear, would you please take me home? My pleasure.
Well, it certainly is, yes.
Four of the suspects come to your house, uninvited ready for a good heart-to-heart and what do they get? They get bounced.
Get get Saul, Fred and Norian and-and have them come here by 3:00.
No, 2:30.
2:30.
I felt uplifted.
That he was calling his operatives in for assignments was promising.
No, 2:00.
Have them be here by 2:00.
You and I will have lunch early.
I'm going to tell Fritz.
That he had changed it from 3:00 when his lunch would've settled to 2:30 when digestion would've barely started was impressive.
That he had advanced it again to 2:00 with an early lunch was inspiring.
And then go to tell Fritz instead of ringing for him all hell was popping.
I want to see Faith Usher's mother.
Find her and bring her to me.
There's no need to take notes.
There's nothing to note except the bare fact that Miss Usher's mother is alive and must be somewhere.
Is her name Usher? Why don't you listen? I told you that's all I know.
Do we keep covered? Yes, but not at the cost of missing your mark.
Lon Cohen, please.
There are a dozen Ushers in the Manhattan directory.
Lon, it's Archie.
Listen, real quick.
I need to get some information from you about the whereabouts of Faith Usher's mother.
What do you know? Oh, you do? Really, huh? Skip the phone book.
Lon Cohen says a woman named Marjorie Betz claimed Faith Usher's body at the morgue on Wednesday.
That's B-E-T-Z.
Address: 812 West 87th Street.
She had a letter signed by Elaine Usher mother of Faith.
Same address.
A Gazette man saw Mrs.
Usher leave the apartment sometime Wednesday and hasn't been able to find her, see.
And Lon doesn't think anyone has.
End of chapter.
Nobody skips for nothing.
Find her.
Bring her.
Use any inducement likely to effect results.
I want to see Wolfe.
Wait here.
His tone indicated that his plan was to get Wolfe down and tramp on him.
So I left him to his mood.
Our client is right Did he have an app? I may be wrong.
I hope to God Have a seat, Mr.
Laidlaw.
Well, sir? Did you send a note to the District Attorney telling him I'm the father of Faith Usher's child? No, I did not.
Did you? No, of course not.
Have you told anybody either? Plainly, sir, you are distressed and must be indulged.
But nothing has happened to release either Mr.
Goodwin or me from our pledge of confidence.
If and when it does then you will be the first to be notified.
Now I suggest that you retire and cool off a little.
When I left here this morning there were police waiting for me in my office.
They took me to see Bowan, the District Attorney himself.
He asked me if I wanted to change my statement that I had never met Faith Usher before Tuesday, and I said "no.
" They had some kind of evidence? They had a note.
It came in the mail yesterday.
Typewritten, no signature.
It said, "Have you found out yet "that Edwin Laidlaw is the father of Faith Usher's baby? Ask him about his trip to Canada on August 1956.
" I just sat and stared at it.
It was worth a stare, even if it had been false.
Did you collapse? No, by God, I didn't.
I think my subconscious mind had already decided what to do.
I was too stunned to decide anything so I must've already decided to refuse to answer any questions about anything at all.
Which is what I did.
They kept me for two hours.
You admitted nothing? No.
Not even that you had been on a trip to Canada in August of 1956? I admitted nothing.
I didn't answer a single question.
Satisfactory Highly satisfactory.
This is indeed welcome, Mr.
Laidlaw.
Welcome? Certainly.
We have at last goaded someone to action.
This is most gratifying.
If there was a small shadow of a doubt that Miss Usher had been murdered, this removes it.
Still, it is true that you you yourself may be the culprit but I would prefer to believe that the murderer has felt compelled to create a diversion.
And that is gratifying.
Now he is doomed.
But good God, they know about me.
They know no more than they did before.
They receive at least a dozen of these unsigned accusatory letters every day.
And they have learned that the charges in most of them are groundless.
We have 30 minutes.
You told me that no one on earth knew of your dalliance with Faith Usher.
Now we know you were wrong.
We must review every moment that you spent with her where you might have been seen or heard.
I- I must go at 4:00, but Mr.
Goodwin will will continue.
When Wolfe undertakes that sort of thing he is worse than a housewife bent on finding a speck of dust the maid overlooked.
Did you become involved with her immediately? Intimately, I mean.
What was it about her that first attracted your interest? Be specific.
Start at the very beginning.
I can only remember so much When 4:00 came time for Wolfe to go up and play with the orchids I carried on.
And we wre working on the third day in Canada somewhere in Quebec when Uh, she lost her diary in Hold on, hold on.
I wish I could've said I was surprised.
All right.
Come on.
Let's go.
Let's move.
Inspector Cramer's looking for you.
But how would he know Never mind how; Let's go.
This way out.
Mr.
Laidlaw wants to leave through the back in a hurry and I haven't time because Cramer wants in.
Show him out, quick, and you haven't seen him.
I suppose it's me you want since you know Wolfe won't be available till 6:00.
Open up, Goodwin.
You know damn well what my orders are.
There are to be no callers admitted There are to be of 4:00 and 6:00 unless it's for me.
I know.
Open up.
Okay if it's for me.
Where's Laidlaw? Search me.
There are lots of Laidlaws.
I haven't seen one.
Yeah nuts.
Cramer! Cramer! All right, now he said that he came to see me.
But then he rushed past me and he started yapping something like "Where's Laidlaw?" He had such a craving for someone named Laidlaw that his morals are shot.
Are you demented? You know, some day, some day Some day what? You'll recover your senses? You're horning in again.
Goodwin turned a suicide into a murder and here you are.
This afternoon, Laidlaw was called downtown and when he left, he headed for you.
So I know he came here.
So I come If you weren't an Inspector I'd say that's a lie but since you are we'll call it a fib.
You do not know he's here.
I know he hopped a taxi and he gave the driver this address.
So where was I supposed to think he went? Correction.
You suppose he had been here.
All right "I suppose.
" Have you seen Edwin Laidlaw in the last three hours? This is quite beyond belief.
You know how rigidly I maintain my personal schedule.
You know how I resent any interference in these two hours of relaxation.
Yet you enter my home, by duplicity you come charging up here to ask a question you have no right to an answer! So you don't get one! Indeed, under these circumstances I doubt you could put a question to anything whatsoever that I would answer! I know where it hurts, Inspector.
You still haven't gotten over the day that you came with a warrant looking for a woman named Clara Fox.
Later you found out she was in the orchid room after you'd searched the entire house.
You figured if you could rush up there now without letting me have a chance to give the alarm you'd find him with Laidlaw.
The problem is, he wasn't there.
So now you're stuck.
You ought to take off your coat before you leave, or you'll catch a cold.
Well dressed a little bit flashy.
No job, but she's never short of money.
And she seems to like men.
We must find her, confound it.
I wait to see Mrs.
Usher not merely because her daughter said she hated her now there is also the fact that she has disappeared.
Yes, sir.
Nero Wolfe's office.
Archie Goodwin speaking.
Ah, hello.
Oh, y-yes, that's fine.
20 minutes on the outside.
All right.
Well, that was, uh, Celia Grantham.
Wants to see me urgently.
I think she wants to know why I won't go dancing with her anymore.
Miss Celia Mr.
Goodwin.
Mother wants to see you.
I thought you did.
I do.
But it only occurred to me after she got me to decoy for her.
She's down in the music room with the Police Commissioner.
They wanted to see you and thought you might not come so she asked me to phone you.
But before all that I want to ask you something.
What is it about Edwin Laidlaw and that girl Faith Usher? Search me.
Why? Well I thought you'd know about it since it's you that's making all the trouble.
You see I may marry him some day since you've turned out to be a skunk.
Are you a skunk? I'll, uh, think about it and let you know.
Uh, so what is it about Laidlaw and Faith Usher? That's what I want to know.
They're asking questions of all of us and they're typing samples on all of our typewriters.
I think they got an anonymous letter.
Well, I wouldn't let it wreck your marriage plans, Celia.
Because even if there's an anonymous letter that says Laidlaw fathered Faith's baby why, it proves nothing.
If he was the father of her baby that means if I married him we could have a family.
And I want one.
I'm worried he might be getting into a jam and you're no help.
I'm sorry.
Suit yourself.
If you'd rather duck mother and Police Commissioner you know where your hat and coat are.
I'll tell them you got mad and went.
Mmm.
I wouldn't want you to get into a jam.
Oh, that's sweet.
Come on.
it'll be fun.
Take me down.
Take you down where? Archie.
Mr.
Goodwin.
He came up on his own.
I warned him you were laying for him, but here he is.
Mr.
Skinner, Mr.
Goodwin.
Mr.
Goodwin, Mr.
Skinner.
We've met.
Have a seat.
I wish to say I would've preferred never to have you in my house again.
Well, your daughter said you wanted me to come.
Was that just to tell me I'm not welcome? I have just spent the worst three days of my life.
And Cecil, please.
And you are responsible.
I want you to know that I think you are capable of blackmail.
And I think that's what you have in mind.
And I will not submit to it.
And if you try anything Mom.
Hold it.
That's libelous.
And useless.
Goodwin, this is unofficial and off the record.
My colleagues don't even know I'm here.
Let's just assume something.
Just an assumption.
Well, assuming is one of my talents.
Let's just assume that on Tuesday evening when something happened that you said you would prevent you were exasperated.
And, in the heat of the moment you blurted out that Faith Usher had been murdered thus committing yourself.
Can I comment as you go along or do I have to wait until you're through? I realize it would be difficult for you now to admit that you were mistaken.
But I have a suggestion.
I suggest that you wanted to be absolutely sure of your ground.
So you came back here this evening to review the scene and found me here.
And after a closer inspection you realized, though, you had nothing to apologize for.
You have been unduly positive.
You'll just concede that it is possible that Faith Usher did poison her own champagne.
And if the official conclusion is suicide you will not challenge it.
Shut up.
I will, of course, be under an obligation to ensure that you will suffer no damage or inconvenience.
Uh, we realize you probably have to consult with Wolfe before you give us a definite answer.
You can phone him from here.
Or go to him.
I'll wait for you here.
This has gone on long enough.
You through? Yes.
You know, my mother once told me "Never go someplace where you're not welcome.
" Maybe I'm sensitive but I feel like I've sat through this long enough.
Celia.
Good evening.
Good evening.
The next morning, Saul phoned to report.
All right.
They'd been staking out Elaine Usher's apartment the one she shared with Marjorie Betz but there had been no sign of her.
At noon, Saul reported in again.
Still no progress in the search for Elaine Usher.
Nothing happening her apartment.
Mon Dieu! But at 2:30 the phone rang again.
I got her.
Man from a messenger service went to the apartment and when he came out, he had a suitcase with him.
The tag read "Miss Edith Upser Room 911, Hotel Christie.
" I was tempted to tackle her right then and there but I thought I better wait for instructions.
Well, it sounds like you need a staff there, Saul.
I'll be there in 12 minutes.
No.
Proceed, Saul, as you think best.
For this sort of juncture your talents are as good as mine.
Yes, sir.
Preferably in a mood of compliance but get her here.
Yes, sir.
It is Saturday and I have received my check for the week.
I would like a month's severance pay.
Phooey.
No phooey.
I am severing relations.
It has been 88 hours since I saw that girl die.
And your one bright idea granted it was bright was to bring that girl's mother here.
Now I refuse to sit on my fanny while Saul gets to go Shut up.
Archie.
Archie.
I've shut up.
This is natural.
That is it-it's in us and-and whatever is in life is natural.
You're headstrong, and I am magisterial.
And our tolerance of each other is a recurring miracle.
I- I did not have one idea right or not I had two.
We have neglected Austin Byne.
Ever since he got you to that party by pretending an illness he didn't have and the fact that he chose Faith Usher to attend he deserves better of us.
We must attend to him.
How? By telling him we don't like his explanations and ask him to give us some new ones? Nonsense.
You're not so ingenuous.
Survey him.
Explore him.
Well, I already have.
He has no visible means of support.
He has an apartment, a car plays table stakes poker, doesn't go naked.
Uh, the apartment, by the way, hits my eye and if you hang this murder on him and our tolerance miracle runs out of gas I'll probably take the apartment.
Perhaps the best course would be to put him under surveillance.
If I postpone writing this check is that an instruction? Yes.
Well, it might be good to get out, get a little air.
And get away from the miracle.
When starting to tail a man it is desirable to know where he is so I was a little handicapped.
I dialed Byne's number, no answer.
So at least I knew where he wasn't.
Over the next two hours I ate five pieces of pie two rhubarb and one each of apple, green tomato and chocolate and drank four glasses of milk and two of coffee.
To keep from arousing curiosity either by my tenure or my diet, I made sketches of the cat.
In the Village, that accounts for anything.
I could only hope that Dinky wasn't set to spend the evening curled up with a good book or even without one.
But that didn't seem likely since he would have to eat and I doubted that he did his own cooking.
Archie.
Jesus! Saul, what the hell are you doing here? Are you on her, too? You might've told me.
No.
I'm tailing the guy that just walked by.
Where's yours? In Tom's Joint.
She's just came.
I'll be damned.
Have you seen her? Have you spoken to her? Does she know you? No, no.
This guy knows me.
One'll get you ten they're in there together.
Go have a look.
Well, I never bet against fate, but I'll check it out.
They are together in a booth.
There's nobody with them and he's eating oysters.
Ah, he'll soon be eating crow.
Now, listen, we got a real problem.
He's mine; she's yours.
Who's in charge? Well, that's easy Mr.
Wolfe.
I was afraid so, damn it.
All right.
Well, he's in there eating oysters so there's plenty of time to phone.
You or me? You.
I'll stick here.
This is the Wolfe residence.
Hey, Fritz, let me talk to Mr.
Wolfe.
Archie, it's dinnertime.
Yeah, I know.
Tell him it's urgent.
Well?! I have a report.
Saul and I are having an argument.
See, he thought What the devil are you doing with Saul? It's a question of protocol, see? See, I tailed Byne here and Saul tailed Mrs.
Usher to the same restaurant.
Now they're sitting together in a booth.
So, the question is, who's in charge, Saul or me? So we thought the only way to settle it without violence was to call you.
Yes, at mealtime.
Yeah, I know.
They should've known better, huh? Do they know they have been seen? No, no, not at all.
Could you eavesdrop? Possibly, but I doubt it.
Very well, bring them here.
There's no hurry.
I've just started dinner.
Just give them no time for private exchange after they've seen you.
Have you eaten? Yeah, I've had plenty of pie and milk, I'll tell you that.
Ask Saul, maybe he could join us.
I don't think I have enough birds.
Forget Saul.
You might need him.
Look, I'm not a magician.
Are we destitute that we can't have another bird? No, I mean, I can't make it appear Hi, Dinky.
Sorry for butting in.
I'd like to introduce a friend of mine, Mr.
Saul Panzer.
Miss Usher, this is Saul Panzer.
Saul Panzer, Mr.
Byne.
Let us out or I go out over you.
And the name is Ups Now just a little calm, all right? Can I get you anything? If we have a situation you only make it worse.
Now take it easy, see? What do you want? I'm trying to tell you.
Mr.
Panzer and I want to know why the two of you had arranged to meet in a dump like this.
That's what we want to know.
I expect others will be, too.
That's right like the press, the public, the police the District Attorney and Nero Wolfe.
We can't expect him to explain it here in this den of smog.
That's right.
Now either Mr.
Panzer can phone Inspector Cramer right now or we'll take you to talk to Mr.
Wolfe.
Whichever you prefer.
Look, Archie, it's not as it seems.
It looks funny, sure, but we didn't plan this.
I met Mrs.
Usher a year ago when her daughter was at the Grantham House and when I came in here and saw her After what's happened, naturally he spoke to me Save it! Both of you.
Phone Cramer.
No, listen.
Uh, uh, ah, listen, damn it.
No listening.
You got one minute to decide.
Either we call Cramer for you or you go talk to Wolfe.
One minute, go.
The cops! The cops! Would you just listen to No listening.
You got 40 seconds left.
If you're playing stud and there's only one card to come and the man across has two jacks showing and all you have is a mess it doesn't matter what his hole card is or yours either.
Check, please.
I prefer to speak with you separately but first I want to make sure there is no misunderstanding.
I intend to badger you but you don't have to submit to it.
You may get up and leave.
If you do, you will be through with me and henceforth you will deal with the police.
I make that clear because I don't want you bouncing up and down.
I wish to speak privately with Mr.
Byne.
Take Mrs.
Usher to the front room.
Now I've heard your explanation for being in the restaurant with Mrs.
Usher.
You expect me to accept it? No.
I told Goodwin that because the truth would only embarrass Mrs.
Usher.
I can't help it; I met her three years ago and for about the past year, I've been intimate with her.
And your meeting with her this evening was accidental? No.
She knew I was Mrs.
Robilotti's nephew and she wanted to know how her daughter died.
I'm afraid I couldn't tell her more than what she read in the papers.
Is that your story? Yes.
Then I'll see Mrs.
Usher.
After I speak with her, I'll ask you in again with her present.
Archie, take, uh, Mr.
Byne and bring in Mrs.
Usher.
Of course, madam my reason for speaking with you separately is transparent: to see if your accounts agree.
Since you have had no opportunity for collusion agreement would be, if not conclusive, at least persuasive.
You use big words, don't ya? I try to use words to say what I mean.
So do I.
I don't know what Mr.
Byne told you but I called him up this morning and asked to see him.
He suggested the joint and I went.
Not very thrilling, is it? Only moderately.
Have you known him long? I don't really know him at all.
I met him somewhere a year ago.
I don't remember where.
Why did you leave your home and go to a hotel under another name? I didn't want to see people.
I knew reporters would come and cops.
Bring in Mr.
Byne, Archie.
I don't want to prolong this beyond necessity but I would like to congratulate you.
You have both lied so cleverly that it would have taken a long and costly investigation to impeach you.
It was anadmirable performance.
Unfortunately for you the performance was wasted.
When you left your hotel room, Mrs.
Usher I had one of my man search it and he found a most interesting document.
Wh-what document? It's a letter from Albert Grantham in which he concedes being the father of your child.
Perhaps the best way to identify it is to quote an excerpt from it.
Let's say paragraph four: "So I have given my nephew, Austin Byne "a portfolio of securities, the income of which is tax-exempt: "an amount more than $2 million.
"The yield will be about $55,000 annually.
"My nephew will remit half to you "and keep the other half to himself.
"If you disclose the relationship we once had or make any additional demands this agreement is null and void.
" That was paragraph Get back.
You hit me! Give that back to me! It will be returned to you, madam after it's used as an exhibit in a murder trial.
No one has been murdered! You are in error, Mr.
Byne.
Sit down! Now, does this agreement state that your remittance decreases if your daughter should die? Yeah.
I only get half as much or even less.
Are you telling the truth? Was she murdered? I'm afraid so, madam.
I would like to see the agreement.
I have sent Mr.
Cather to your apartment to look for it.
It will expedite matters if you'll phone him and tell him where it is.
My God, you threatening to call the police on me? I'll call them myself.
I'll tell them a man has broken into my apartment and he's there now.
Here, Dinky, use my phone.
He's not going to find the agreement because it's not there.
It's in a safe deposit box and it's going to stay there.
Tomorrow is Sunday so it must wait until Monday.
However, Mr.
Cather didn't go to the trouble for nothing.
He will use your typewriter and write something with it.
"Have you found out yet that Edwin Laidlaw is the father of Faith Usher's baby?" You smile.
Are you amused? Because you don't have a typewriter? Sure, I have a typewriter.
Did I smile? You were wrong to smile.
That was a mistake.
You couldn't possibly be amused.
So you must be pleased.
By what? I'll try to guess.
The guilty machine is elsewhere.
It should be easy to find.
For instance, the bank vault where you have the safety deposit box.
Archie, you go to my box regularly.
Would it be remarkable for a vault customer to ask for a typewriter? Remarkable? No.
Beat it, Elaine.
I want to talk to Wolfe.
Please wait in the front room.
You win.
So I spill my guts.
Where do you want me to start? Why did you send the note to the police? Well, they were going on with the investigation and I was afraid they might dig up I knew Faith's mother and about the arrangement.
And if she was murdered I figured Laidlaw probably did it.
Why? That day he went to Canada I saw the both of them together in his car.
I put the rest together.
So now you know he's the only one with reason to kill her! You had one.
I wasn't there! True, but those who were there can also plead lack of opportunity.
I told Elaine she'd still be getting her half of the money.
Go ask her.
You told Mr.
Goodwin that your selection of Miss Usher to be invited to the party was fortuitous.
But now that explanation won't do.
When Mrs.
Irwin gave me the list, and I saw Faith's name I thought it would be ironic to invite her.
'Course my aunt could cross Faith off and then tell Mrs.
Irwin.
And then I thought of another funny idea: Have Laidlaw there, too.
I know I'm a fool, but there you are.
Did Miss Usher know that Albert Grantham had fathered her? Oh, dear God, no.
No.
Wolfe leaned back, closed his eyes and his lips started to work.
They pushed out and in, out and in, out and in.
Sooner or later, he always does that.
I should have a sign made "Genius at work" and put it on his desk when he starts it.
The time has come to attack the central question: How was Faith Usher murdered? Archie, get Mr.
Cramer.
No, damn you! After I've spilled my guts Mr.
Byne, don't squeal until you're hurt.
I've got you and I intend to keep you.
Call Mr.
Cramer, ask him to invite everyone from the party to my office tomorrow morning at 11:00.
He may come as well particularly if he wishes to apprehend a murderer.
You and Ms.
Usher will remain here as my guests.
I don't want either of you to have a chance to confer with anyone, and this will ensure it.
I had no idea what he had in mind but I knew one thing: The murder had already been solved and tomorrow I would know how.
You have explained the purpose of this gathering, Mr.
Cramer? Yes, you're going to prove if, uh, Goodwin was either right or wrong.
I didn't say prove.
I said I intended to satisfy myself and deal with him accordingly.
Ladies and gentlemen, I will not keep you long.
At least, not most of you.
I have no exhortation for you and no question to ask.
To form an opinion of Mr.
Goodwin's competence as an eyewitness I need to see not what he saw but a close approximation of it.
We'll do the best we can.
Archie? First of all Mr.
Hackett, if you could take a position behind the bar? Wolfe's idea was to reproduce, as nearly as possible the scene of the crime.
It was a damn silly idea since you could've put seven or eight of that office into Mrs.
Robilotti's drawing room.
If recreation was essential, he could've broken his rule to never leave the house on business and moved the whole performance uptown to Mrs.
Robilotti's.
But he was too stubborn for that.
if you could take your positions by the bar.
The distances are wrong but the relative positions are correct.
Mr.
Panzer here is going to be Faith Usher.
This ashtray here this represents the bag that Faith Usher had which contained the poison.
Mr.
Wolfe all set.
Uh, Mr.
Hackett I understand that when Mr.
Grantham went to the bar for champagne for himself and Miss Usher two glasses were there in readiness.
You had poured one of them a few minutes earlier and the other just before he arrived.
Is that correct? Oh, yes, sir.
And as I told the police and the District Attorney one of the glasses had been sitting there three or four minutes.
Well, that will prove to be relevant, Mr.
Hackett.
Please pour a glass now, and put it in place.
The bottles and the cooler on the table were champagne and good champagne; Wolfe had insisted on it.
Fritz had opened two of them.
Keep the bottle in your hand.
I'll explain what I'm after, and you may proceed.
I want to see it from various angles.
After Mr.
Grantham delivers his glass to Mr.
Panzer that is to say, Miss Usher I will ask him to repeat his performance by delivering glasses individually to everyone.
I was as confused as everyone else about what Wolfe had in mind.
But I had sympathy for the others.
Unlike them, I was comfortable with that unique brand of confusion.
I'd experienced it many times before in that very room.
Oh, uh, I hope I didn't spoil it.
It was in poor taste.
I meant it to be.
This whole thing has been in poor taste from the beginning.
I appeal to all of you.
Did anything about Mr.
Grantham's performance strike your eye? Yeah.
He carried the glasses the same every time.
The one in his right hand thumb and forefinger were on the bowl.
The one in his left hand, he held that by the stem.
And he kept the one in his right hand and handed them the one in his left hand.
I had never before seen Wolfe look at Pearly with unqualified admiration.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mr.
Stebbins.
Thank you.
You not only have eyes, but know what they're for.
Will anyone corroborate Mr.
Stebbins? I do.
I will.
Will you, Mr.
Cramer? What's your conclusion? Well, surely that's obvious.
Anyone who is sufficiently familiar with Mr.
Grantham's habits and who saw him pick up the glasses and start off with them would know which one he would hand to Faith Usher.
Please bring in our guest.
Mrs.
Robilotti.
May I present Mrs.
Usher.
Faith's mother.
It's a pleasure.
A great pleasure.
Mother.
What'd she do that for? That is all, ladies and gentlemen.
I wish to continue but only with Mrs.
Robilotti, Mr.
Byne Mr.
Laidlaw and Mr.
Robilotti by courtesy, if he chooses to stay.
The rest of you may go.
I needed your help for this demonstration and I thank you for coming.
Uh, it would be a pleasure to serve you champagne on some happier occasion.
You mean we have to go? I'd like to stay.
Good night.
Madame.
I regret the indignity you have suffered under my roof.
Oh, you stage it, and then you regret it? I do regret it, Mrs.
Robilotti.
And I had no hand in it.
All right.
Let's hear it.
You have seen it.
Certainly, I staged it.
You heard me deliberately bait Mrs.
Robilotti to insure the desired reaction to Mrs.
Usher's appearance.
Before commenting on that reaction I must explain Mr.
Byne's presence.
He is here because it was something he said that informed me that Mrs.
Robilotti knew her husband had fathered Faith Usher.
That's a lie.
A damn lie.
I choose my words, Mr.
Byne.
I didn't say you told me that but that something you said informed me.
Speaking of the people invited to the gathering you said, "Of course, my aunt could cross Faith off and tell Mrs.
Irwin " And you stopped realizing you'd slipped.
When I let it pass, you thought I'd missed it, but I hadn't.
There was no implication.
Nonsense.
Why should your aunt refuse to have Faith Usher in her house? Granting that there were many possible explanations there was only one suggested by the known facts.
That she knew Miss Usher was her former husband's illegitimate daughter.
You can't have it both ways.
You said she wouldn't let Faith Usher in her house because she knew she was Uncle Albert's daughter? But she did have her in her house.
She knew Faith was invited.
She let her come.
I know.
That's the point.
That's my main reason for assuming that your aunt killed her.
Hold it.
Mrs.
Robilotti, I want you to know I find this as shocking as you do.
I doubt it.
I didn't know that a man could go as low as this.
This is incredible.
Murder is always incredible.
No, I have committed myself now, Madame.
Before witnesses.
And if I am wrong, I shall be at your mercy.
I wouldn't like that.
Mr.
Cramer, you are shocked.
I can expound, or you can attack.
Which would you prefer? Neither one.
Well, in that case you have trimmed long enough, Mr.
Byne.
Did your aunt know Faith Usher was the daughter of Albert Grantham? I told her a couple of months ago.
She called me a parasite for living off my uncle's money.
So I lost my temper and told her why he gave me the money.
To care for his illegitimate daughter.
Liar.
You stand there and you lie? You told me because you wanted to blackmail me.
You wanted to get more millions out of me because the millions you got out of Albert weren't good enough for you.
You bloodsucker.
You leech Stop it.
I submit to you that Mrs.
Robilotti deliberately let Faith Usher come to the party so she could kill her.
How did she get Faith Usher's cyanide out of her purse and into the drink? Confound it! Must I shine your shoes for you? I doubt she ever went near the bag.
I suggest you inquire whether Mrs.
Robilotti had access to a supply of cyanide.
You might even find that she procured some herself.
I do not pretend that I am showing you ripened fruit which you only need to pick, Mr.
Cramer.
I undertook merely to satisfy myself whether Mr.
Goodwin was right or wrong.
I am satisfied.
Are you? I'm going home.
Let me pass, please.
Not right now.
I'm afraid you're going to have to answer some questions.
Uh, uh, uh, uh Louise.
Louise.
Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for lunch.
You're welcome to join me in the dining room if you wish.
Good day, Mr.
Laidlaw.
We'll be in touch.
Archie? You've left my life in tatters.
I'm sorry, Celia.
This must be a terrible shock to you.
It changes everything.
I could never marry a man who put my mother in jail.
Yes, well, that's always a wise policy.
As if you didn't know you skunk.
I guess I'll just have to find someone else.
Edwin.
My dear.
My dear, would you please take me home? My pleasure.