Northern Exposure s05e09 Episode Script
A Cup of Joe
Look at that little birdie up there.
That a pretty sight? Keep your nose up.
Beautiful.
Is that Maggie O'Connell in her 170? That's her plane, but it's Chris Stevens behind the stick.
Maggie's been giving him lessons.
My Chris Stevens? That's a good one, Mitch.
Quit yankin' my Marley.
No, it's him.
He's been cutting the grass with his touch-and-go's all morning.
Wants to get his pilot's license.
Stevens? Whoo! Hey, mi jefe.
Well, credit where credit's due, Stevens.
That was one hell of a landing.
Yeah, it was.
It was excellent.
Smooth as silk.
He's a real natural, Maurice.
Best ride in the park.
A ride, huh? You think this is a joyride? Let me tell you, my friend, flying is a hell of a lot more than taking a couple of spins around the field.
What? You talking about the book work, Maurice? I'm up to here in it.
No problem there, believe me.
Yeah, he is, Maurice.
He's really studying.
Oh, come on, Maggie.
You took the written.
You know it's not for flake-out artists and wannabes.
It's real work.
V.
O.
R.
radials, F.
A.
R.
's, Bernoulli's principle of pressure- Ask me anything, Maurice.
Can I do the post flight? Yeah, sure.
Go ahead.
I don't know, Maurice.
I think you're wrong.
He's really focused.
He wants his pilot's license.
Maggie, he admits himself, the Stevens bunch are quitters.
I mean, uh, you've heard of the right stuff? Yeah.
Well, they traded theirs for a gallon of Mission burgundy.
Mmm.
I don't know.
I bet you're wrong.
I bet he gets that license.
You bet? Yeah.
How much? Oh, what? You really wanna bet? Yeah.
Make it easy on yourself.
Say, a sawbuck? Okay.
You're on.
Are you sure? There's a rufous-sided towhee at the Surlee Slough? Came over the rare bird alert just this morning.
Wally Phelps called in on the hotline at 5:20 a.
m.
Oh, my.
So what do you say? I'll pick you up tomorrow after the lunch rush? We'll head on over, set up camp.
Come dawn, that bird will be ours.
Shell, you don't care, do you? If you guys do the tweetie thing? Me and Dave will cover, H.
Oh, splendid.
Now, I'll do breakfast and my turnip stew- And I'll cook the coffee.
Oh, good.
Yeah, I only need you to brew up that dishwater of yours but once.
Okay, okay.
See you, Ruth-Anne.
Oh, there you are, Ed.
I thought the junk room had swallowed you whole.
I need you to close up for me the next couple of days.
We're going out birding.
Uh-huh.
What have you got there? Well, I was cleaning that spot off for the suet logs, and there was this box of stuff underneath this- all this pile of other junk.
And then there it was in the bottom of a milk can.
This, I mean.
Musty old thing.
Yep.
It's a diary, see? Look right here.
"The life of Amos Robinson, February, 1897.
" He was this trapper, and he got trapped in this big blizzard, and I do mean really big.
The Great Blizzard of'97.
Probably.
I'll be.
You know, my grandfather died in that blizzard.
He froze to death up on Ellis Pass.
Grandfather? Um-hmm.
Robert Hayes.
He was up here prospecting, trying to raise a stake.
Planned to open a five-and-dime in Portland.
He never made it back home.
I'm sorry, Ruth-Anne.
Oh, I didn't know him, Ed.
I wasn't even born yet.
My mother was barely two at the time.
But I read all his letters though.
He wrote all about Alaska.
How big it was and how wild.
And you know, sometimes I- I felt that Grandpa Bob was talking to me.
Telling me I belonged here.
Here I am.
Can I borrow it, Ruth-Anne? Just return it.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Well, I better clean the mess kits and air my bedroll.
I don't want to go up there smelling like a mothball.
Marilyn, if you could spare a moment, you mind going over to Ruth-Anne's? They wiped us out of sterile gauze and fungicide.
Oh.
I spend weeks on end sitting in my office growing cobwebs to the ceiling, and then, bam, it's like Bellevue E.
R.
on a Saturday night.
- Where's the money? - The money? Petty cash.
I put 40 bucks in here yesterday.
What did you do with it? Nothing.
Well, if you didn't spend it, and I didn't spend it-Aw, come on.
Please.
Someone didn't take our petty cash? Who would do something like that? Steal the Band-Aid money from a doctor? Hayden Keyes.
What? He stole it.
Hayden? The guy here this morning with the suppurated toe? He stole the money? Uh-huh.
What are you talking about? Why didn't you stop him? Or why didn't you come in and get me? I wasn't here.
What do you mean you weren't here? I was in helping you put Mrs.
Mohan in her wheelchair.
All right.
Marilyn, h- how do you know he stole the money? - This.
- Sweet'N Low? - And that.
- A cup? He was looking for the Sweet'N Low for his tea, and he saw the money in the box.
That's interesting.
I mean, I-I could see that.
- You could be right, but- - And he was furtive too.
He just looked at his feet when he went out.
Marilyn, if I had just drained your toe the way I drained his, you'd be looking at your feet too.
I'll tell you what, based on your scope of the crime scene, I'll call in an A.
P.
B.
on Hayden right away, okay? Uh, get the F.
B.
I.
lab involved.
While I'm doing that, you can go to the store and get those things, if you don't mind.
Thank you.
What are you doing? Pulling the night shift? Oh, you're boning up for your test tomorrow, huh? Yeah.
I'm trying to E.
T.
A.
this flight plan.
They-They want to know what time I get to Paylo, but all they give me is a Bellplain Muni at 15:01.
Mm-hmm.
What's your takeoff? Uh, it's right here.
" E.
" Then up to Kapku, that's " B.
" Muni, Paylo.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Well,just break her down.
Figure your distance from " E" to Kapku.
That, uh, equals 10-M, see? Yeah.
Okay, now do to Bell.
- Five-M.
- Right.
Now, compute your ground speed for this leg at, uh- the, uh, time-distance values of, uh, five and 10 N.
M.
You got it? Now, you're home free.
Okay.
Hold on, hold on, hold on- Hey, You got it! That's right.
Yeah.
Oh- We're gonna make a navigator out of you yet, son.
My brain is smoking, Maurice.
I tell you.
Back in high school, I left all the books in the locker, you know.
And then one day I go to the parking lot for a little ciggie break, and I was gone forever.
Came back to the written word in juvie, but I never- I never, like, studied anything, you know? I never tried.
This is-This is a real rush.
Gonna be another Chuck Yeager, huh? That's right.
All right, son.
Well- hit those books.
All right.
I'll tell you, Stevens, I'm pulling for you.
All right.
Hey! Here I am.
Ready to go.
All right.
Right on time.
You ready? Yes.
Okay.
Why don't you sit right here.
Might as well get started.
Okay.
Right here? Right.
All right.
Did you bring your navigation wheel? Yes, I did.
Okay.
Now, I just have a few things for you.
Two number two pencils, nice and sharp.
Your answer sheets.
And your test.
- Okay, it's gonna be a four-hour test with two 15-minute breaks.
Okay? - Okay.
- Good luck.
Thank you.
Oh.
Mmm.
- You okay? - Yep.
Chris, are you sure? Mmm! I'm fine.
What's the matter? What's wrong? I don't know.
I can't breathe.
Okay.
Try-Try to- Look, back up a little and try to put your head between your legs.
You're all right.
You're okay.
Try to take a deep breath.
Do- Do you want me to get Fleischman? No, no.
I- I need a minute.
Okay.
How about some water? I can open a window? Get him! Go get Fleischman.
Hurry up.
Just go get him.
Yeah? Okay, try to relax.
Try to relax.
Morning, all.
Holling, I'm just famished.
Scramble them loose.
And one of your nice big slabs of ham.
Just sliced some fresh off the hock this morning.
Is that your breakfast, Ed? Two little pieces of white toast and tea? Are you sick? He did look a might peaked.
He came in here this morning lookin' as white as a brick of lard.
Uh, I'm fine, you guys.
It's just, uh- Oh, well, never mind.
What, Ed? It's nothing, Ruth-Anne.
You can tell us.
Maybe we can help.
Oh, I don't think so.
We're your friends, Ed.
What else are friends for? Well- Come on.
Even if I knew something bad- well, horrible- that some people didn't know about, but it was about them? Of course.
You would still want to know? Ed! Okay.
You remember that diary about the Great Blizzard of'97 you gave me, Ruth-Anne? Mm-hmm.
Well, you were right.
Grandpa Bob-Well, he was in there, and so was Holling's grandfather.
That's right.
Grandpa Gustav- '97.
How about that? Yeah.
Well, you know, Bob, he died in that blizzard.
And Amos and Pepe and Grandpa Gustav, well, they didn't.
Yeah? W- Well, that's how.
- What's how? - What? Uh, they ate Bob.
They ate Bob? "March 23, 1897.
"More snow today.
Ate the last of the tobacco.
"Brought Bob down from the box elder.
Drew straws to see who'd divvy.
" They ate my grandfather.
Goodness.
I knew I shouldn't have told.
I- I knew I shouldn't have listened to you guys.
But, Ruth-Anne, you have to think, Bob was already dead.
And Amos said they did not want to do it.
Well, life was pretty rough-and-tumble in the frontier days.
Wasn't it though? Scrambled loose with ham.
Joel, give it to me straight.
A heart attack, huh? A four valver? I don't want it to be a stroke.
I don't want to be a potted plant out there by the trailer.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down.
Your E.
K.
G.
is fine.
It's perfect, in fact.
Normal rate and rhythm.
S.
T.
segments aren't elevated.
Really? Really? For true? Yeah.
Sit up.
Take a look.
No ischemic changes, T wave inversion.
I'd say your heart's in real good shape.
Wow.
I mean, I thought for sure I'd blown a gasket back there, you know? Well, I mean, from the symptoms- the cottony mouth, and your nausea- A- And you said you had, uh- you had heart palpitations? Like a snare drum.
Well, that, together with the paresthesia in your distal extremities- which is a tingling in your fingers and toes- I- I'd say you had yourself a pretty good anxiety attack.
Anxiety attack? Yeah.
From the test.
The stress.
It's common in that situation.
It is? You clutch.
The brain sends a fear message to the adrenal glands, and-and blood rushes from the extremities to the vital organs, and ergo the dizziness.
Wow, that's some place you don't want to go very often, huh? - What? - Anxiety.
What,you've never had anxiety about anything before? Uh, I don't think so.
Really? Never? Not once? No.
Come on.
Wh-What about women? They make everybody nervous.
You never got the shakes asking a girl for her number? No.
Not even, you know, in bed? You never had any- I don't know, insecurity? Fear of inadequacy? Performance anxiety? Like-You know what I mean.
Can I do it long enough? Is it big enough? Nothing like that? No.
Wow.
Wait a minute.
What about when you were in prison? You can't tell me you didn't have at least a twinge of anxiety being caged up with a bunch of ax murderers and pederasts.
- Those guys? Come on.
- It's amazing.
This is truly amazing.
You know, there was one time.
Lincoln Elementary, right? I'm in the sixth grade in Miss Cardulas's class.
She- She pops this surprise cloud quiz test on us, right? You gotta name them, like, cumulus, " bumulus," whatever.
I freaked out.
I mean, I just short circuited.
Next thing you know, I'm in the office.
The school nurse is dumping cold water in my face.
- This is unbelievable.
- Anxiety.
Thanks,Joel.
I'm gonna remember that son of a gun's name.
Beechnut chew, Ruth-Anne? Um, you know, aisle two, Walt.
Down by the Comet.
Afternoon, all.
Gassed up and ready to ride, Ruth-Anne.
Let's go see some towhee.
Right on time, Holling.
I can set my watch by you.
You're as quiet as a church mouse today, Ed.
Something eating you? Oh, hejust likes to get all frothed up over any little thing.
Ed, what happened between our grandfathers is ancient history.
What does it have to do with Holling and me? He probably thinks I'm somehow tainted.
That's silly.
What choice did those men have? Marooned.
Freezing.
Desperate.
It's a matter of survival.
I'd have done the same thing in their pickle.
- Anybody would.
- It's just meat when you think about it.
- A source of protein.
- That's right, Walt.
It tastes a lot like chicken.
I- I saw it on Discovery Channel.
Well, time is a-wasting.
Here, let me help you with that coat, Ruth-Anne.
Thank you, Holling.
I put in a tin of the caponata that you like so much.
Very thoughtful.
Chris, how you doing? Heard you had a bit of a fit at the church.
Yeah, took a standing eight count.
What say I take a coupla two-inch thick T- bones out of the subzero, steam some broccoli, put a little brain food in there.
Then we'll go over those sectional vectors till you got 'em cold, huh? Well, yeah, I don't think so.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Take a little time off.
Clear your head.
Come back fresh tomorrow.
There ain't gonna be a tomorrow.
I'm baggin' it.
Baggin' it? You mean, you're quitting? Hey, bingo, Ringo.
Well, that's stupid.
Chris.
I saw you land that little tail dragger.
I mean, you're good! You've got talent, son.
Well, unfortunately, flying- it's the easy part, you know? I mean, I'm up there, and it's like I'm not even flying, you know? Whoosh! My arms are the wings, my nose is the nose, you know? It's that test, man.
Chris, I have seen men fly bombers with their faces half blown away.
And you're gonna allow a few algebra formulas to ground you? Hey, it might me a molehill to you, but it's the Matterhorn to me.
It hurts my head.
It fries my brain.
Oh, come on, Stevens! You don't understand.
I mean, It's like- It's like I'm dying in there, all right? I mean, the walls are closing in on me and I'm filled with anxiety.
Do you understand that? Can you understand that? I'm paralyzed like a little bunny rabbit out in the middle of the road.
Here comes a semi, and it's filled with judgment and humiliation.
And it's coming right at me.
And I ain't doing it, chief.
It ain't worth it.
It ain't worth it? That's right.
That is B.
S.
, Stevens, and you know it.
Now you look me right here in the eye, and you tell me that flying ain't worth it.
You tell me that being up there ain't worth all the tea cookies in Thailand.
Yeah, nice try.
Hey.
Hey, that's my Spy Magazine.
Ed said there wasn't any mail.
Hmm.
He's here.
Who's here? Hayden.
Oh, Hayden the thief? The guy you fingered for the petty cash? You know, in the United States we have a very excellent legal system.
It's based, not on the readings of goat entrails and the opinions of Cardinal Mendoza, but a thing called evidentiary process.
He's inside.
Mr.
Keyes, how's that toe today? Well, it's better since you lanced it.
Mm-hmm.
Well, as the town doctor, that's what I'm here to do.
Alleviate pain and suffering.
Always ready to help.
Let's see what we got here.
Oh, excellent.
That's draining very nicely.
You're gonna lose the nail, but you get to keep the toe.
Oh, good one, Doc.
Let me ask you something.
You were in here yesterday, right? You didn't notice anyone poking around Marilyn's credenza by any chance, did you? - No.
- I mean, 'cause the petty cash is missing.
Can you believe it? No.
I'll tell you this.
If I find out who did it, I will have absolutely no compunction about sharing that information with everybody in this town.
And it's a small community, you know? I mean, can you imagine the embarrassment.
The humiliation.
Might as well lock the guy up in stocks and throw rotten fruit at him.
There you go.
You're all set.
Of course, if they put the money back, you know what I'd do? I'd forget the whole thing.
I'd understand.
Be like it never happened before.
Anyone can make a mistake, right? Right.
All righty.
Take it easy now.
So long.
No way.
Guy was cool as a cucumber.
Oh, man.
Maurice.
One Malt-O-Meal, side of nanner.
Thanks, Shel.
Boy, it makes you think when you stop and wonder, doesn't it? Yeah.
About what? Well, the cannibalism deal.
I mean, you wouldn't want to, but if it snowed a lot and you had to eat the toothpaste and the lima beans.
Who would you? Eat? Mm-hmm.
Did you say, " Who would you eat?" Yeah, if he had to.
You mean, like who'd be good? Mm-hmm.
Who'd be good to eat? Well, it's not an uninteresting question really.
I mean, medically speaking.
Not Big Al.
Too fat and hairy.
All those tattoos.
He'd taste kind of inky.
You'd be cutting him up and it'd say stuff like " Mother" and "Jeannie.
" A- And the high fat content, you're right about that.
But you know what my principal objection would be- I mean, you know, look, the guy smokes, right? I mean,you're talking about arterial sclerosis, you're talking about end organ damage from lack of oxygen.
The nutritionally rich parts- the liver, kidney, pancreas- they'd be shot, so that's a " no.
" Tammy made me choke down liver once.
I'd also avoid anyone with diabetes for that matter.
And-And anyone with an infectious disease.
Even well-done? Why take the chance? So who, then? Well- Maurice? Well, he eats well and exercises regularly.
Just on- on a personal basis, I think I'd pass there.
Anyway, I think you want someone a little younger.
You know? Fresher.
Shelly.
Shelly.
Shelly would be a good choice actually.
Even yourself, Ed.
Fried foods not withstanding.
I bet you'd be good, Dr.
F.
You don't scarf down the guac or hit the Philly cheesesteak too hard.
Yeah.
I'd eat you first, Dr.
Fleischman.
Me too.
Well, thanks.
Honored, I guess.
Wally saw them feeding right in through these parts.
Pipilo erythrophthalmus like to hang to the thickets.
I know the towhee likes to hug the thickets, Holling.
I wasn't born yesterday.
Well, what say we split cover then? I'll take along the bog if you want.
Looks a bit soggy down there.
All right.
Uh, thank you.
Yeah.
Ruth-Anne.
Ruth-Anne! Ruth-Anne.
Ruth-Anne! Ruth-Anne! You saw him? Where is he? Well, he's gone, but I got a good shot.
Gone? The rufous-sided towhee? He lit into the underbrush.
But I got him just in the nick of time.
I was standing there and I saw him and- boom! I just got my camera up.
You saw the rufous-sided towhee, and you didn't call me? There wasn't time.
Holling, how could you do that to me? Well, I had to get a picture.
You know a sighting doesn't count if there's only a single observer.
Single observer? I count two people here.
Ruth-Anne, you've been around the bird world.
You know those towhees are-are skulkers.
He- He- He was gone too quick.
"Ruth-Anne, I'll take the bog if you want.
" - Where else would they be? - I was saving you slogging through the mud.
- I was only thinking of you.
- Well, don't.
I can handle mud just fine.
Ruth-Anne.
Lit for the underbrush.
Poppycock.
You have been smacking your lips, green-eyed with envy over my life list ever since I've known you.
That's not true.
And you're not fooling anybody, Holling Vincoeur.
Mr.
" Too Polite for Words.
" But I'm on to your stuff.
- You're a Vincoeur to the bone.
- Ruth-Anne! Cannibal of the bird world, that's what you are! Okay.
Now, we've acclimated you to the classroom.
We've reviewed relaxation technique.
Now, we're going to work with the materials themselves.
I really think this is going to help you with the test tomorrow.
Okay.
Okay? Now what we're going to do is- And look, I- I don't want you to feel badly about this test anxiety, all right? It's perfectly okay.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
I'm gonna hold up each item separately, and if you feel any anxiety surface, such as, you know, uh, cramps, or cold chills, dizziness or that critical voice within- Right.
Okay, we're gonna pull back and call upon our relaxation technique.
Right.
Okay.
All right.
We're going to step back from that anxiety in our minds.
We're going to regain control, and we are not gonna let anxiety control us.
Okay.
Let it out of the cage.
Test pencils.
- Okay.
- Good.
Flight computer.
- Check.
- Excellent! Test booklet.
Oh, come on.
Hey.
Okay, okay.
Anchor, anchor.
Breathe.
Put your fingers together like this.
Breathe deep in.
In.
Out.
Go to that safe place.
Oh, what safe place? The welding shed, remember? Welding shed.
Welding shed.
Welding shed.
All right, right? See the anvil.
See the welding rod.
See the acetylene torch? Stroke the welding rod with your hand.
Feel compassion for yourself.
And breathe.
In.
Out.
Better.
That's better.
What's he doing? - He's breathing.
- Oh.
Hi, Shel.
Hi, Chris.
Keep breathing.
I just wanted to give you this.
It's for luck.
Your garter.
I won Miss Northwest Passage with it.
Maybe it'll help tomorrow.
Oh, wow.
Well, I need all the luck I can get.
- He's gonna do great, Shelly.
- Just don't scribble outside of the box.
They hate that.
Right.
Okay.
See ya.
See ya.
All right.
Feeling better? Yeah.
You want to try it again? Okay.
Ruth-Anne.
What are you doing here? Well, it is my shop, Ed.
I know.
But I mean- Well, you weren't supposed to be here till tomorrow, and I was gonna close up.
And make sure I put the arugula in the cold case this time.
Oh, will you look at those magazines? They're just a bunch of lookie loo's, and they haven't even got the courtesy to put things back where they belong.
I was gonna take care of that too, Ruth-Anne.
Didn't see your bird, huh? No, I didn't, Ed.
The rufous-sided towhee eluded me once again.
But you can be sure that Holling Vincoeur saw him.
And he even had time to take his picture for his life list.
But did he have time to call his birding companion? No.
No? Oh, he had his excuse at the ready.
Uh, " the towhee is a skulker, Ruth-Anne.
" "Have another flapjack, Ruth-Anne? It's a long day, you need your strength.
" Patronizing S.
O.
B.
You're mad at him, huh? Well, who wouldn't be? That bird only comes around once in a blue moon.
No, I mean- Oh, about the other stuff.
The grandfather stuff.
Mad at him? No, I'm not mad at him- Yes, I am mad at him! But I'm madder at myself.
Yourself? It's just so depressing.
Because it's disgusting? I'm not talking about the taboo, Ed.
I'm talking about Grandpa Bob.
He didn't even have the genetic oomph to ride out a stupid little snowstorm.
What kind of people did I come from? What does that make me? Oh.
Don't you see? It's a dog-eat-dog world out there.
And the best dog wins.
Well, mine didn't.
This where you been hound-doggin' it, hon? The twirly juicer needs more mix.
Smoothies are backing up.
Well, somebody has to dress and salt these hares.
You want 'em to go ripe on us? No.
Something gnawing on you, H? You been as snappy as a box turtle since you got home.
Well, I have to tell you the truth, Shel.
That-That birding trip wasn't the happiest.
Oh.
You bagged your tweetie though, right? It wasn't the towhee.
It was Ruth-Anne.
Oh.
The people eating, I bet.
Watching me out of the corner of her eye.
Looking for fault.
Suspicious of every little itty-bitty thing I did.
I couldn't cough.
I couldn't say " Howdy do" without her hackles getting up.
And then there, she sat there on that trip all the way back with, you know, with her arms crossed, you know, the way she does.
Didn't let out a peep.
Just sat there stewing like an old wet hen.
Well, her " grand-duder" did end up ground chuck.
That's true.
But that doesn't make it any less unfair, does it? Throwing away 25 years of good friendship over who ate who.
Besides, did I ask her grandpa to freeze himself to death? Did I ask the fool to go ice fishin' with his bare hands? How could you, babe? That was a hundred years ago.
I will say one thing for Grandpa Gustav though.
Nasty, thieving old still hound.
When the going got hairy, at least he had the gumption not to get himself'et.
Hey, all right.
Hey, look.
The petty cash.
They returned it.
It's all 40 bucks.
Unbelievable.
Maybe it was him.
You know? I mean, yesterday I was- I kind of threatened him.
I mean, I was subtle and circumspect, but I let him know if someone returned it- Although it could have been anyone, right? Not necessarily Hayden.
- It was.
- Why do you say that? Was there traces of Sweet'N Low in there? See? Yeah, it's a plain envelope.
What? Little brown flecks? Oil paint.
Oil paint? Hayden paints pictures of bears and sells them at the swap meet.
Hey, Marilyn, that's amazing.
You know, you're good at this.
You really are.
It's like deductive reasoning and intuition.
It's like a- a gift.
It's from my grandfather.
He's an angakok.
An angakok? Uh-huh.
The spirit of the bear is his guardian.
It shows him hidden things.
So, y-you were born with this propensity? Every clan has one.
A crime solver.
He was the best.
Well, I got something for you.
I had these Fermi skis from Italy, right? They're absolutely beautiful.
Cost me 500 bucks.
And someone lifted them right off my porch.
Maybe you could come and take a look.
A- And maybe you'd find something.
Uh-uh.
Well,just come look.
How long could it take? - Uh-uh.
- That's it? Uh-uh? I- I know you three years, I ask you for a favor once, that's what I get, " uh-uh"? Boy, that's a meaningful deliberation.
"Uh-uh.
" I'll have to remember that when a patient asks for my services.
I'll just say, " uh-uh.
" Here's your coffee, Maurice.
Sugar, no cream.
Thanks, Dave.
Chris still at it in there? Yeah.
You got to hand it to Stevens.
Took real guts to get back on that pony again.
Wonder how he's doing.
Not too good, I hope.
I bet a fiver he'd blow it.
Hi, Holling.
One cherry malted, please.
Uh, make it to go though.
I'm minding the store today.
Comin' right up.
You say you're minding the store? Where's Ruth-Anne? She's not, uh, pouting herself into a fever? Actually, I think she went birding.
Somebody come by the store and said something about red something or others over by the Marion Gully.
American redstarts.
Well, my golly.
Good for her.
Yeah, that's a handsome little fella.
Got a pretty song too.
Eerie, kind of haunting.
Goes, uh- Did she tell you anything? You know, uh, about our last birding trip? You know, about me? I mean, I know she was somewhat miffed.
No.
Well, kind of.
But she didn't mean it, Holling.
- Mean what? - Well, uh- I believe, uh, she called you a patronizing S.
O.
B.
But that was only on account of- Well, your dog eating her dog.
My dog? Well, in the dog-eat-dog world.
How's Chris hangin'? He didn't melt down again, did he? No med alert yet.
Maggie's still gradin' it.
Here she comes.
- Well, what's the word, Maggie? How'd he do? - He aced it, right? Sorry, guys.
- You don't mean he flunked it.
- Bummer.
It was the math.
He couldn't hack it.
It's a crying shame.
Damn it, I don't get it.
All he needed was 70%.
Was he even close? Pretty close.
You know, sort of.
Hmm.
Anyway, Maurice, here's your 10.
I never thought I'd see the day when Alexander Hamilton couldn't make me smile.
Forget it.
Holling, I know it's you.
You're wasting your time.
Now, Ruth-Anne- Holling, what happened, happened.
We know what we know.
I wish it hadn't, and I wish we didn't.
But we do, and that's that.
I don't deny it.
But, Ruth-Anne, I want you to see, there is more in me than just Vincoeur.
There's you.
Me? Well, yes.
Because of what happened all those many years ago.
I've got Hayes flesh and blood in me too.
Your Grandpa Bob's flesh and blood.
Holling! Well, you always said Bob was a good man.
A kind man.
A loving husband.
A good father.
I must be good somewhere.
Why else would Shelly want to carry our baby, or take me in the first place? They say Grandpa Bob could sell ice to the Eskimos too.
Deviled ham? I don't mind if I do.
Hey, it's Chris on K-Bear.
In case the word hasn't filtered down your way, I flunked my pilot's written.
That's right.
Crash and burned.
"El flunko," that's me.
Thought I'd punch out for this one.
Sure like to- make it a lot easier.
Finger points at me, myself and I, you know? Pie in my face.
I stepped up to that plate, they brought out the hook.
Got a lot of snapshots though, for my psychic photo album from this quest.
I got a big " A" for anxiety, a" E" for effort, and a giant, fat " F" for failure.
Ouch! What the hell? What are you going to do, huh? You can't hit the ball from the bench.
And I'm gonna make a toast, to those of us who give their all and fall flat on their face.
I mean, what'd they say? It's better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all? And if they didn't say that, they should've.
Look, I was thinking about what we were talking about this morning.
About my skis.
And I-I think you're not thinking this through.
Because, I mean, what-what you're doing is you're turning your back on the very heart of social responsibility.
You know what I mean? Our responsibility to each other.
To help each other out.
'Cause otherwise, what do we have? I mean- I'm serious, it's- it's mayhem.
It's- I mean, it's Queens, 1964.
Kitty Genovese being stabbed to death.
Murdered on the street, screaming for help, for her life.
And-And all around, people and her neighbors are- they're shutting their windows, they're drawing their blinds.
Just turning their back on their social responsibility.
And I- I know it's an extreme example, but there's a- there's a principle at stake here.
That's not why.
What? You just want your skis back.
- That's not true.
- Yes, it is.
Look, yes, of course I want my skis back, okay.
They cost me $500.
No.
- Wh-What did I ever do to you? - It isn't that.
I just don't want to do it.
- What? - Be a cop.
- You don't want to be a cop? - They make people nervous.
Nobody liked Grandfather.
They acted different when he was around.
Marilyn, cops serve a function, okay? They police.
I don't want to judge people.
Just this once? For me?
That a pretty sight? Keep your nose up.
Beautiful.
Is that Maggie O'Connell in her 170? That's her plane, but it's Chris Stevens behind the stick.
Maggie's been giving him lessons.
My Chris Stevens? That's a good one, Mitch.
Quit yankin' my Marley.
No, it's him.
He's been cutting the grass with his touch-and-go's all morning.
Wants to get his pilot's license.
Stevens? Whoo! Hey, mi jefe.
Well, credit where credit's due, Stevens.
That was one hell of a landing.
Yeah, it was.
It was excellent.
Smooth as silk.
He's a real natural, Maurice.
Best ride in the park.
A ride, huh? You think this is a joyride? Let me tell you, my friend, flying is a hell of a lot more than taking a couple of spins around the field.
What? You talking about the book work, Maurice? I'm up to here in it.
No problem there, believe me.
Yeah, he is, Maurice.
He's really studying.
Oh, come on, Maggie.
You took the written.
You know it's not for flake-out artists and wannabes.
It's real work.
V.
O.
R.
radials, F.
A.
R.
's, Bernoulli's principle of pressure- Ask me anything, Maurice.
Can I do the post flight? Yeah, sure.
Go ahead.
I don't know, Maurice.
I think you're wrong.
He's really focused.
He wants his pilot's license.
Maggie, he admits himself, the Stevens bunch are quitters.
I mean, uh, you've heard of the right stuff? Yeah.
Well, they traded theirs for a gallon of Mission burgundy.
Mmm.
I don't know.
I bet you're wrong.
I bet he gets that license.
You bet? Yeah.
How much? Oh, what? You really wanna bet? Yeah.
Make it easy on yourself.
Say, a sawbuck? Okay.
You're on.
Are you sure? There's a rufous-sided towhee at the Surlee Slough? Came over the rare bird alert just this morning.
Wally Phelps called in on the hotline at 5:20 a.
m.
Oh, my.
So what do you say? I'll pick you up tomorrow after the lunch rush? We'll head on over, set up camp.
Come dawn, that bird will be ours.
Shell, you don't care, do you? If you guys do the tweetie thing? Me and Dave will cover, H.
Oh, splendid.
Now, I'll do breakfast and my turnip stew- And I'll cook the coffee.
Oh, good.
Yeah, I only need you to brew up that dishwater of yours but once.
Okay, okay.
See you, Ruth-Anne.
Oh, there you are, Ed.
I thought the junk room had swallowed you whole.
I need you to close up for me the next couple of days.
We're going out birding.
Uh-huh.
What have you got there? Well, I was cleaning that spot off for the suet logs, and there was this box of stuff underneath this- all this pile of other junk.
And then there it was in the bottom of a milk can.
This, I mean.
Musty old thing.
Yep.
It's a diary, see? Look right here.
"The life of Amos Robinson, February, 1897.
" He was this trapper, and he got trapped in this big blizzard, and I do mean really big.
The Great Blizzard of'97.
Probably.
I'll be.
You know, my grandfather died in that blizzard.
He froze to death up on Ellis Pass.
Grandfather? Um-hmm.
Robert Hayes.
He was up here prospecting, trying to raise a stake.
Planned to open a five-and-dime in Portland.
He never made it back home.
I'm sorry, Ruth-Anne.
Oh, I didn't know him, Ed.
I wasn't even born yet.
My mother was barely two at the time.
But I read all his letters though.
He wrote all about Alaska.
How big it was and how wild.
And you know, sometimes I- I felt that Grandpa Bob was talking to me.
Telling me I belonged here.
Here I am.
Can I borrow it, Ruth-Anne? Just return it.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Well, I better clean the mess kits and air my bedroll.
I don't want to go up there smelling like a mothball.
Marilyn, if you could spare a moment, you mind going over to Ruth-Anne's? They wiped us out of sterile gauze and fungicide.
Oh.
I spend weeks on end sitting in my office growing cobwebs to the ceiling, and then, bam, it's like Bellevue E.
R.
on a Saturday night.
- Where's the money? - The money? Petty cash.
I put 40 bucks in here yesterday.
What did you do with it? Nothing.
Well, if you didn't spend it, and I didn't spend it-Aw, come on.
Please.
Someone didn't take our petty cash? Who would do something like that? Steal the Band-Aid money from a doctor? Hayden Keyes.
What? He stole it.
Hayden? The guy here this morning with the suppurated toe? He stole the money? Uh-huh.
What are you talking about? Why didn't you stop him? Or why didn't you come in and get me? I wasn't here.
What do you mean you weren't here? I was in helping you put Mrs.
Mohan in her wheelchair.
All right.
Marilyn, h- how do you know he stole the money? - This.
- Sweet'N Low? - And that.
- A cup? He was looking for the Sweet'N Low for his tea, and he saw the money in the box.
That's interesting.
I mean, I-I could see that.
- You could be right, but- - And he was furtive too.
He just looked at his feet when he went out.
Marilyn, if I had just drained your toe the way I drained his, you'd be looking at your feet too.
I'll tell you what, based on your scope of the crime scene, I'll call in an A.
P.
B.
on Hayden right away, okay? Uh, get the F.
B.
I.
lab involved.
While I'm doing that, you can go to the store and get those things, if you don't mind.
Thank you.
What are you doing? Pulling the night shift? Oh, you're boning up for your test tomorrow, huh? Yeah.
I'm trying to E.
T.
A.
this flight plan.
They-They want to know what time I get to Paylo, but all they give me is a Bellplain Muni at 15:01.
Mm-hmm.
What's your takeoff? Uh, it's right here.
" E.
" Then up to Kapku, that's " B.
" Muni, Paylo.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Well,just break her down.
Figure your distance from " E" to Kapku.
That, uh, equals 10-M, see? Yeah.
Okay, now do to Bell.
- Five-M.
- Right.
Now, compute your ground speed for this leg at, uh- the, uh, time-distance values of, uh, five and 10 N.
M.
You got it? Now, you're home free.
Okay.
Hold on, hold on, hold on- Hey, You got it! That's right.
Yeah.
Oh- We're gonna make a navigator out of you yet, son.
My brain is smoking, Maurice.
I tell you.
Back in high school, I left all the books in the locker, you know.
And then one day I go to the parking lot for a little ciggie break, and I was gone forever.
Came back to the written word in juvie, but I never- I never, like, studied anything, you know? I never tried.
This is-This is a real rush.
Gonna be another Chuck Yeager, huh? That's right.
All right, son.
Well- hit those books.
All right.
I'll tell you, Stevens, I'm pulling for you.
All right.
Hey! Here I am.
Ready to go.
All right.
Right on time.
You ready? Yes.
Okay.
Why don't you sit right here.
Might as well get started.
Okay.
Right here? Right.
All right.
Did you bring your navigation wheel? Yes, I did.
Okay.
Now, I just have a few things for you.
Two number two pencils, nice and sharp.
Your answer sheets.
And your test.
- Okay, it's gonna be a four-hour test with two 15-minute breaks.
Okay? - Okay.
- Good luck.
Thank you.
Oh.
Mmm.
- You okay? - Yep.
Chris, are you sure? Mmm! I'm fine.
What's the matter? What's wrong? I don't know.
I can't breathe.
Okay.
Try-Try to- Look, back up a little and try to put your head between your legs.
You're all right.
You're okay.
Try to take a deep breath.
Do- Do you want me to get Fleischman? No, no.
I- I need a minute.
Okay.
How about some water? I can open a window? Get him! Go get Fleischman.
Hurry up.
Just go get him.
Yeah? Okay, try to relax.
Try to relax.
Morning, all.
Holling, I'm just famished.
Scramble them loose.
And one of your nice big slabs of ham.
Just sliced some fresh off the hock this morning.
Is that your breakfast, Ed? Two little pieces of white toast and tea? Are you sick? He did look a might peaked.
He came in here this morning lookin' as white as a brick of lard.
Uh, I'm fine, you guys.
It's just, uh- Oh, well, never mind.
What, Ed? It's nothing, Ruth-Anne.
You can tell us.
Maybe we can help.
Oh, I don't think so.
We're your friends, Ed.
What else are friends for? Well- Come on.
Even if I knew something bad- well, horrible- that some people didn't know about, but it was about them? Of course.
You would still want to know? Ed! Okay.
You remember that diary about the Great Blizzard of'97 you gave me, Ruth-Anne? Mm-hmm.
Well, you were right.
Grandpa Bob-Well, he was in there, and so was Holling's grandfather.
That's right.
Grandpa Gustav- '97.
How about that? Yeah.
Well, you know, Bob, he died in that blizzard.
And Amos and Pepe and Grandpa Gustav, well, they didn't.
Yeah? W- Well, that's how.
- What's how? - What? Uh, they ate Bob.
They ate Bob? "March 23, 1897.
"More snow today.
Ate the last of the tobacco.
"Brought Bob down from the box elder.
Drew straws to see who'd divvy.
" They ate my grandfather.
Goodness.
I knew I shouldn't have told.
I- I knew I shouldn't have listened to you guys.
But, Ruth-Anne, you have to think, Bob was already dead.
And Amos said they did not want to do it.
Well, life was pretty rough-and-tumble in the frontier days.
Wasn't it though? Scrambled loose with ham.
Joel, give it to me straight.
A heart attack, huh? A four valver? I don't want it to be a stroke.
I don't want to be a potted plant out there by the trailer.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down.
Your E.
K.
G.
is fine.
It's perfect, in fact.
Normal rate and rhythm.
S.
T.
segments aren't elevated.
Really? Really? For true? Yeah.
Sit up.
Take a look.
No ischemic changes, T wave inversion.
I'd say your heart's in real good shape.
Wow.
I mean, I thought for sure I'd blown a gasket back there, you know? Well, I mean, from the symptoms- the cottony mouth, and your nausea- A- And you said you had, uh- you had heart palpitations? Like a snare drum.
Well, that, together with the paresthesia in your distal extremities- which is a tingling in your fingers and toes- I- I'd say you had yourself a pretty good anxiety attack.
Anxiety attack? Yeah.
From the test.
The stress.
It's common in that situation.
It is? You clutch.
The brain sends a fear message to the adrenal glands, and-and blood rushes from the extremities to the vital organs, and ergo the dizziness.
Wow, that's some place you don't want to go very often, huh? - What? - Anxiety.
What,you've never had anxiety about anything before? Uh, I don't think so.
Really? Never? Not once? No.
Come on.
Wh-What about women? They make everybody nervous.
You never got the shakes asking a girl for her number? No.
Not even, you know, in bed? You never had any- I don't know, insecurity? Fear of inadequacy? Performance anxiety? Like-You know what I mean.
Can I do it long enough? Is it big enough? Nothing like that? No.
Wow.
Wait a minute.
What about when you were in prison? You can't tell me you didn't have at least a twinge of anxiety being caged up with a bunch of ax murderers and pederasts.
- Those guys? Come on.
- It's amazing.
This is truly amazing.
You know, there was one time.
Lincoln Elementary, right? I'm in the sixth grade in Miss Cardulas's class.
She- She pops this surprise cloud quiz test on us, right? You gotta name them, like, cumulus, " bumulus," whatever.
I freaked out.
I mean, I just short circuited.
Next thing you know, I'm in the office.
The school nurse is dumping cold water in my face.
- This is unbelievable.
- Anxiety.
Thanks,Joel.
I'm gonna remember that son of a gun's name.
Beechnut chew, Ruth-Anne? Um, you know, aisle two, Walt.
Down by the Comet.
Afternoon, all.
Gassed up and ready to ride, Ruth-Anne.
Let's go see some towhee.
Right on time, Holling.
I can set my watch by you.
You're as quiet as a church mouse today, Ed.
Something eating you? Oh, hejust likes to get all frothed up over any little thing.
Ed, what happened between our grandfathers is ancient history.
What does it have to do with Holling and me? He probably thinks I'm somehow tainted.
That's silly.
What choice did those men have? Marooned.
Freezing.
Desperate.
It's a matter of survival.
I'd have done the same thing in their pickle.
- Anybody would.
- It's just meat when you think about it.
- A source of protein.
- That's right, Walt.
It tastes a lot like chicken.
I- I saw it on Discovery Channel.
Well, time is a-wasting.
Here, let me help you with that coat, Ruth-Anne.
Thank you, Holling.
I put in a tin of the caponata that you like so much.
Very thoughtful.
Chris, how you doing? Heard you had a bit of a fit at the church.
Yeah, took a standing eight count.
What say I take a coupla two-inch thick T- bones out of the subzero, steam some broccoli, put a little brain food in there.
Then we'll go over those sectional vectors till you got 'em cold, huh? Well, yeah, I don't think so.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Take a little time off.
Clear your head.
Come back fresh tomorrow.
There ain't gonna be a tomorrow.
I'm baggin' it.
Baggin' it? You mean, you're quitting? Hey, bingo, Ringo.
Well, that's stupid.
Chris.
I saw you land that little tail dragger.
I mean, you're good! You've got talent, son.
Well, unfortunately, flying- it's the easy part, you know? I mean, I'm up there, and it's like I'm not even flying, you know? Whoosh! My arms are the wings, my nose is the nose, you know? It's that test, man.
Chris, I have seen men fly bombers with their faces half blown away.
And you're gonna allow a few algebra formulas to ground you? Hey, it might me a molehill to you, but it's the Matterhorn to me.
It hurts my head.
It fries my brain.
Oh, come on, Stevens! You don't understand.
I mean, It's like- It's like I'm dying in there, all right? I mean, the walls are closing in on me and I'm filled with anxiety.
Do you understand that? Can you understand that? I'm paralyzed like a little bunny rabbit out in the middle of the road.
Here comes a semi, and it's filled with judgment and humiliation.
And it's coming right at me.
And I ain't doing it, chief.
It ain't worth it.
It ain't worth it? That's right.
That is B.
S.
, Stevens, and you know it.
Now you look me right here in the eye, and you tell me that flying ain't worth it.
You tell me that being up there ain't worth all the tea cookies in Thailand.
Yeah, nice try.
Hey.
Hey, that's my Spy Magazine.
Ed said there wasn't any mail.
Hmm.
He's here.
Who's here? Hayden.
Oh, Hayden the thief? The guy you fingered for the petty cash? You know, in the United States we have a very excellent legal system.
It's based, not on the readings of goat entrails and the opinions of Cardinal Mendoza, but a thing called evidentiary process.
He's inside.
Mr.
Keyes, how's that toe today? Well, it's better since you lanced it.
Mm-hmm.
Well, as the town doctor, that's what I'm here to do.
Alleviate pain and suffering.
Always ready to help.
Let's see what we got here.
Oh, excellent.
That's draining very nicely.
You're gonna lose the nail, but you get to keep the toe.
Oh, good one, Doc.
Let me ask you something.
You were in here yesterday, right? You didn't notice anyone poking around Marilyn's credenza by any chance, did you? - No.
- I mean, 'cause the petty cash is missing.
Can you believe it? No.
I'll tell you this.
If I find out who did it, I will have absolutely no compunction about sharing that information with everybody in this town.
And it's a small community, you know? I mean, can you imagine the embarrassment.
The humiliation.
Might as well lock the guy up in stocks and throw rotten fruit at him.
There you go.
You're all set.
Of course, if they put the money back, you know what I'd do? I'd forget the whole thing.
I'd understand.
Be like it never happened before.
Anyone can make a mistake, right? Right.
All righty.
Take it easy now.
So long.
No way.
Guy was cool as a cucumber.
Oh, man.
Maurice.
One Malt-O-Meal, side of nanner.
Thanks, Shel.
Boy, it makes you think when you stop and wonder, doesn't it? Yeah.
About what? Well, the cannibalism deal.
I mean, you wouldn't want to, but if it snowed a lot and you had to eat the toothpaste and the lima beans.
Who would you? Eat? Mm-hmm.
Did you say, " Who would you eat?" Yeah, if he had to.
You mean, like who'd be good? Mm-hmm.
Who'd be good to eat? Well, it's not an uninteresting question really.
I mean, medically speaking.
Not Big Al.
Too fat and hairy.
All those tattoos.
He'd taste kind of inky.
You'd be cutting him up and it'd say stuff like " Mother" and "Jeannie.
" A- And the high fat content, you're right about that.
But you know what my principal objection would be- I mean, you know, look, the guy smokes, right? I mean,you're talking about arterial sclerosis, you're talking about end organ damage from lack of oxygen.
The nutritionally rich parts- the liver, kidney, pancreas- they'd be shot, so that's a " no.
" Tammy made me choke down liver once.
I'd also avoid anyone with diabetes for that matter.
And-And anyone with an infectious disease.
Even well-done? Why take the chance? So who, then? Well- Maurice? Well, he eats well and exercises regularly.
Just on- on a personal basis, I think I'd pass there.
Anyway, I think you want someone a little younger.
You know? Fresher.
Shelly.
Shelly.
Shelly would be a good choice actually.
Even yourself, Ed.
Fried foods not withstanding.
I bet you'd be good, Dr.
F.
You don't scarf down the guac or hit the Philly cheesesteak too hard.
Yeah.
I'd eat you first, Dr.
Fleischman.
Me too.
Well, thanks.
Honored, I guess.
Wally saw them feeding right in through these parts.
Pipilo erythrophthalmus like to hang to the thickets.
I know the towhee likes to hug the thickets, Holling.
I wasn't born yesterday.
Well, what say we split cover then? I'll take along the bog if you want.
Looks a bit soggy down there.
All right.
Uh, thank you.
Yeah.
Ruth-Anne.
Ruth-Anne! Ruth-Anne.
Ruth-Anne! Ruth-Anne! You saw him? Where is he? Well, he's gone, but I got a good shot.
Gone? The rufous-sided towhee? He lit into the underbrush.
But I got him just in the nick of time.
I was standing there and I saw him and- boom! I just got my camera up.
You saw the rufous-sided towhee, and you didn't call me? There wasn't time.
Holling, how could you do that to me? Well, I had to get a picture.
You know a sighting doesn't count if there's only a single observer.
Single observer? I count two people here.
Ruth-Anne, you've been around the bird world.
You know those towhees are-are skulkers.
He- He- He was gone too quick.
"Ruth-Anne, I'll take the bog if you want.
" - Where else would they be? - I was saving you slogging through the mud.
- I was only thinking of you.
- Well, don't.
I can handle mud just fine.
Ruth-Anne.
Lit for the underbrush.
Poppycock.
You have been smacking your lips, green-eyed with envy over my life list ever since I've known you.
That's not true.
And you're not fooling anybody, Holling Vincoeur.
Mr.
" Too Polite for Words.
" But I'm on to your stuff.
- You're a Vincoeur to the bone.
- Ruth-Anne! Cannibal of the bird world, that's what you are! Okay.
Now, we've acclimated you to the classroom.
We've reviewed relaxation technique.
Now, we're going to work with the materials themselves.
I really think this is going to help you with the test tomorrow.
Okay.
Okay? Now what we're going to do is- And look, I- I don't want you to feel badly about this test anxiety, all right? It's perfectly okay.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
I'm gonna hold up each item separately, and if you feel any anxiety surface, such as, you know, uh, cramps, or cold chills, dizziness or that critical voice within- Right.
Okay, we're gonna pull back and call upon our relaxation technique.
Right.
Okay.
All right.
We're going to step back from that anxiety in our minds.
We're going to regain control, and we are not gonna let anxiety control us.
Okay.
Let it out of the cage.
Test pencils.
- Okay.
- Good.
Flight computer.
- Check.
- Excellent! Test booklet.
Oh, come on.
Hey.
Okay, okay.
Anchor, anchor.
Breathe.
Put your fingers together like this.
Breathe deep in.
In.
Out.
Go to that safe place.
Oh, what safe place? The welding shed, remember? Welding shed.
Welding shed.
Welding shed.
All right, right? See the anvil.
See the welding rod.
See the acetylene torch? Stroke the welding rod with your hand.
Feel compassion for yourself.
And breathe.
In.
Out.
Better.
That's better.
What's he doing? - He's breathing.
- Oh.
Hi, Shel.
Hi, Chris.
Keep breathing.
I just wanted to give you this.
It's for luck.
Your garter.
I won Miss Northwest Passage with it.
Maybe it'll help tomorrow.
Oh, wow.
Well, I need all the luck I can get.
- He's gonna do great, Shelly.
- Just don't scribble outside of the box.
They hate that.
Right.
Okay.
See ya.
See ya.
All right.
Feeling better? Yeah.
You want to try it again? Okay.
Ruth-Anne.
What are you doing here? Well, it is my shop, Ed.
I know.
But I mean- Well, you weren't supposed to be here till tomorrow, and I was gonna close up.
And make sure I put the arugula in the cold case this time.
Oh, will you look at those magazines? They're just a bunch of lookie loo's, and they haven't even got the courtesy to put things back where they belong.
I was gonna take care of that too, Ruth-Anne.
Didn't see your bird, huh? No, I didn't, Ed.
The rufous-sided towhee eluded me once again.
But you can be sure that Holling Vincoeur saw him.
And he even had time to take his picture for his life list.
But did he have time to call his birding companion? No.
No? Oh, he had his excuse at the ready.
Uh, " the towhee is a skulker, Ruth-Anne.
" "Have another flapjack, Ruth-Anne? It's a long day, you need your strength.
" Patronizing S.
O.
B.
You're mad at him, huh? Well, who wouldn't be? That bird only comes around once in a blue moon.
No, I mean- Oh, about the other stuff.
The grandfather stuff.
Mad at him? No, I'm not mad at him- Yes, I am mad at him! But I'm madder at myself.
Yourself? It's just so depressing.
Because it's disgusting? I'm not talking about the taboo, Ed.
I'm talking about Grandpa Bob.
He didn't even have the genetic oomph to ride out a stupid little snowstorm.
What kind of people did I come from? What does that make me? Oh.
Don't you see? It's a dog-eat-dog world out there.
And the best dog wins.
Well, mine didn't.
This where you been hound-doggin' it, hon? The twirly juicer needs more mix.
Smoothies are backing up.
Well, somebody has to dress and salt these hares.
You want 'em to go ripe on us? No.
Something gnawing on you, H? You been as snappy as a box turtle since you got home.
Well, I have to tell you the truth, Shel.
That-That birding trip wasn't the happiest.
Oh.
You bagged your tweetie though, right? It wasn't the towhee.
It was Ruth-Anne.
Oh.
The people eating, I bet.
Watching me out of the corner of her eye.
Looking for fault.
Suspicious of every little itty-bitty thing I did.
I couldn't cough.
I couldn't say " Howdy do" without her hackles getting up.
And then there, she sat there on that trip all the way back with, you know, with her arms crossed, you know, the way she does.
Didn't let out a peep.
Just sat there stewing like an old wet hen.
Well, her " grand-duder" did end up ground chuck.
That's true.
But that doesn't make it any less unfair, does it? Throwing away 25 years of good friendship over who ate who.
Besides, did I ask her grandpa to freeze himself to death? Did I ask the fool to go ice fishin' with his bare hands? How could you, babe? That was a hundred years ago.
I will say one thing for Grandpa Gustav though.
Nasty, thieving old still hound.
When the going got hairy, at least he had the gumption not to get himself'et.
Hey, all right.
Hey, look.
The petty cash.
They returned it.
It's all 40 bucks.
Unbelievable.
Maybe it was him.
You know? I mean, yesterday I was- I kind of threatened him.
I mean, I was subtle and circumspect, but I let him know if someone returned it- Although it could have been anyone, right? Not necessarily Hayden.
- It was.
- Why do you say that? Was there traces of Sweet'N Low in there? See? Yeah, it's a plain envelope.
What? Little brown flecks? Oil paint.
Oil paint? Hayden paints pictures of bears and sells them at the swap meet.
Hey, Marilyn, that's amazing.
You know, you're good at this.
You really are.
It's like deductive reasoning and intuition.
It's like a- a gift.
It's from my grandfather.
He's an angakok.
An angakok? Uh-huh.
The spirit of the bear is his guardian.
It shows him hidden things.
So, y-you were born with this propensity? Every clan has one.
A crime solver.
He was the best.
Well, I got something for you.
I had these Fermi skis from Italy, right? They're absolutely beautiful.
Cost me 500 bucks.
And someone lifted them right off my porch.
Maybe you could come and take a look.
A- And maybe you'd find something.
Uh-uh.
Well,just come look.
How long could it take? - Uh-uh.
- That's it? Uh-uh? I- I know you three years, I ask you for a favor once, that's what I get, " uh-uh"? Boy, that's a meaningful deliberation.
"Uh-uh.
" I'll have to remember that when a patient asks for my services.
I'll just say, " uh-uh.
" Here's your coffee, Maurice.
Sugar, no cream.
Thanks, Dave.
Chris still at it in there? Yeah.
You got to hand it to Stevens.
Took real guts to get back on that pony again.
Wonder how he's doing.
Not too good, I hope.
I bet a fiver he'd blow it.
Hi, Holling.
One cherry malted, please.
Uh, make it to go though.
I'm minding the store today.
Comin' right up.
You say you're minding the store? Where's Ruth-Anne? She's not, uh, pouting herself into a fever? Actually, I think she went birding.
Somebody come by the store and said something about red something or others over by the Marion Gully.
American redstarts.
Well, my golly.
Good for her.
Yeah, that's a handsome little fella.
Got a pretty song too.
Eerie, kind of haunting.
Goes, uh- Did she tell you anything? You know, uh, about our last birding trip? You know, about me? I mean, I know she was somewhat miffed.
No.
Well, kind of.
But she didn't mean it, Holling.
- Mean what? - Well, uh- I believe, uh, she called you a patronizing S.
O.
B.
But that was only on account of- Well, your dog eating her dog.
My dog? Well, in the dog-eat-dog world.
How's Chris hangin'? He didn't melt down again, did he? No med alert yet.
Maggie's still gradin' it.
Here she comes.
- Well, what's the word, Maggie? How'd he do? - He aced it, right? Sorry, guys.
- You don't mean he flunked it.
- Bummer.
It was the math.
He couldn't hack it.
It's a crying shame.
Damn it, I don't get it.
All he needed was 70%.
Was he even close? Pretty close.
You know, sort of.
Hmm.
Anyway, Maurice, here's your 10.
I never thought I'd see the day when Alexander Hamilton couldn't make me smile.
Forget it.
Holling, I know it's you.
You're wasting your time.
Now, Ruth-Anne- Holling, what happened, happened.
We know what we know.
I wish it hadn't, and I wish we didn't.
But we do, and that's that.
I don't deny it.
But, Ruth-Anne, I want you to see, there is more in me than just Vincoeur.
There's you.
Me? Well, yes.
Because of what happened all those many years ago.
I've got Hayes flesh and blood in me too.
Your Grandpa Bob's flesh and blood.
Holling! Well, you always said Bob was a good man.
A kind man.
A loving husband.
A good father.
I must be good somewhere.
Why else would Shelly want to carry our baby, or take me in the first place? They say Grandpa Bob could sell ice to the Eskimos too.
Deviled ham? I don't mind if I do.
Hey, it's Chris on K-Bear.
In case the word hasn't filtered down your way, I flunked my pilot's written.
That's right.
Crash and burned.
"El flunko," that's me.
Thought I'd punch out for this one.
Sure like to- make it a lot easier.
Finger points at me, myself and I, you know? Pie in my face.
I stepped up to that plate, they brought out the hook.
Got a lot of snapshots though, for my psychic photo album from this quest.
I got a big " A" for anxiety, a" E" for effort, and a giant, fat " F" for failure.
Ouch! What the hell? What are you going to do, huh? You can't hit the ball from the bench.
And I'm gonna make a toast, to those of us who give their all and fall flat on their face.
I mean, what'd they say? It's better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all? And if they didn't say that, they should've.
Look, I was thinking about what we were talking about this morning.
About my skis.
And I-I think you're not thinking this through.
Because, I mean, what-what you're doing is you're turning your back on the very heart of social responsibility.
You know what I mean? Our responsibility to each other.
To help each other out.
'Cause otherwise, what do we have? I mean- I'm serious, it's- it's mayhem.
It's- I mean, it's Queens, 1964.
Kitty Genovese being stabbed to death.
Murdered on the street, screaming for help, for her life.
And-And all around, people and her neighbors are- they're shutting their windows, they're drawing their blinds.
Just turning their back on their social responsibility.
And I- I know it's an extreme example, but there's a- there's a principle at stake here.
That's not why.
What? You just want your skis back.
- That's not true.
- Yes, it is.
Look, yes, of course I want my skis back, okay.
They cost me $500.
No.
- Wh-What did I ever do to you? - It isn't that.
I just don't want to do it.
- What? - Be a cop.
- You don't want to be a cop? - They make people nervous.
Nobody liked Grandfather.
They acted different when he was around.
Marilyn, cops serve a function, okay? They police.
I don't want to judge people.
Just this once? For me?