Once Upon a Time Episode Scripts

It's Not Easy Being Green

Do you hear that? It's nothing.
Stick to the road.
Oh.
Where did it come from? The cyclone must have dropped it.
Dear, what are you doing? What do you expect me to do? Leave the poor thing to the wolves? Oh.
- She's beautiful.
- Yeah.
She did that.
She knocked the tree away.
Calm your nerves, dear.
It was just the wind.
She's only a babe, and she needs our help.
Can we keep her? That's not a good idea.
Did you see what she did? She's not like us.
Oh, you're right.
She's not.
She's alone, and we're going to take care of her.
Now, stick to the road, or we'll never make it to the Emerald City before dawn.
What shall we call her? What about Zelena? She's going to be the happiest baby in all of Oz.
Once Upon a Time 3x16 - It's Not Easy Being Green Original air date April 6, 2014 You spent so long figuring out how to get to this land, groomed Regina to cast your curse, spent 28 years waiting for it to be broken, all so you could be with your son, and now he's gone.
Tell me, Rumple.
Was he really worth all that trouble? Every bit of it.
He was family.
Something you know nothing about.
How's that, father? Oh.
Missed a spot.
No matter what you feel on the inside, Zelena, remember to always put on a good face.
I know, father.
Careless child! Don't touch me! I I'm sorry.
I can't help it.
You mean you can't control it.
Maybe if you could let me learn how to Then everyone would see what you really are.
Wicked.
How can you say that to your own daughter? Because you're not my daughter! There.
I said it.
After all these years, now that your mother's gone, I can finally tell you the truth.
What are you talking about? You're not our child, Zelena.
We found you in a in the woods, in a basket, dropped out of a tornado.
Your mother wanted to take you in.
She was lulled by your beauty.
But under the surface, there was something else.
Your wickedness! Well well, I'd rather be wicked than a sad, old drunk! What do you think drove me to drink, child?! Now, wipe away those tears.
You put on a good face! Make me breakfast.
I think not.
If I've really caused you this much trouble, I'll spare you any more! Now, where do you think you're going? To see the one person who can help me find a family that wants me.
The Wizard of Oz.
Perhaps I should paint a bull's-eye on the Wicked Witch's back.
She'll get more than a dart when I find her.
I know you're hurting, Swan, but there are better ways to grieve Baelfire's death than letting anger overcome you.
Let me guess.
Rum? Never hurts.
I'll stick with anger, at least until I deal with Zelena.
Then take it from me.
Vengeance isn't the thing that's gonna make you feel better.
It's gonna make this town safer.
And I promised Henry I'd find the person responsible for his father's death.
That's really all I can do for him right now.
That can't be true.
Have you tried talking to the boy? As far as he's concerned, I haven't seen Neal since he left me in jail.
So, anything I tell him about his dad being a hero sounds like I'm making it up just to get him to feel better.
Perhaps I can talk to him.
About what? Leather conditioner and eyeliner? I knew Bae as a boy.
Perhaps Henry would like to hear what his father was like when he was his age.
You'd really do that? Aye.
It could help the boy make peace with his father's passing.
And me.
- Be careful.
- Zelena's still out there.
I assure you nothing will happen to the boy while he's in my charge.
Henry, you remember Killian.
Hello, Henry.
It's the lion tattoo.
It's what was prophesied.
He's your soul mate.
- I know.
I saw it yesterday.
- And you didn't tell me? Well, right now I have better things to do than to gossip about boys.
Care for a drink? I, uh I do hope I didn't upset you yesterday.
Uh, Robin Hood, Tinker Bell.
Tinker Bell, Robin Hood.
I've been wanting to meet you for a very long time.
And, no, you didn't upset me.
I just found a clue trail that needed to be followed.
One that didn't lead anywhere.
I don't daytime drink.
Ah, well, um, Perhaps some evening, then.
What was all that about? Didn't you learn anything from the last time you screwed this up? If you had been open to the possibility of love when you first saw him, maybe your life wouldn't have turned out so So what? How did my life turn out? Why am I even bothering? How are you holding up? How do you think? Oh, Emma.
My condolences.
I'm so sorry I missed the funeral, but I could never pass up a wake.
Oh, did I miss the speeches? Shall I make one? I mean, I am, after all, responsible.
Emma, no.
Too many people will get hurt.
Listen to your mother.
She's right.
Anyone who tries to interfere with my plan is gonna have to deal with The Dark One.
Don't come any closer.
Don't worry.
I'm not here for your baby.
Not today, anyway.
Then why are you here? Now that my cover's blown, I can finally pay a visit to my little sister.
Who the hell are you talking about? Why, you, of course, Regina.
What? I'm an only child.
Cora lied to you, Regina.
I'm your sister.
Half, if you want to get technical.
Why should I believe anything you say? Oh, well, you shouldn't.
It's a lot to swallow, which is why I've brought a gift to help.
I don't want a gift from you.
Oh, but you shall have it.
You see, my gift to you is this sad, sad day.
Use it to dig into our past, Regina.
You need to learn the truth, and you must believe it.
And then meet me on main street tonight.
Say sundown.
And then what? Then I'll destroy you.
This isn't the wild West.
No, dear.
It's the wicked West.
And I want everyone to be there to see The Evil Queen lose.
I don't lose.
Neither do I.
One of us - is about to make history.
See you tonight, sis.
There.
That one will do.
Another boat? - You don't like the sea? - No.
It's not that.
It's just, my mom always seems to pawn me off on her friends that have boats when she's working her case.
Your mother didn't pawn you off on me.
I wanted to bring you here.
Why? Well, you might not believe this, but your father and I were mates long before he met your mother.
Really? You knew my dad? What was he like? Hop aboard and you'll find out.
And you're sure Cora never said anything about her? I think I would remember if my mother told me she had a love child with a scarecrow.
It doesn't matter if Zelena is your sister or not.
She wants you dead.
Any idea why? I never even met her before today.
Doesn't mean you didn't do something to piss her off.
You did manage to step on a lot of toes back in our world.
Well, none of them were green.
Then there's the missing year.
Maybe you did something to her then.
Stick to the lasagna, lady.
It's starting to sound an awful lot like you're all on her side.
Where are you going? To find out exactly what this witch thinks I did to her.
I've been expecting you.
How did you know I was coming? I see all.
I am Oz, The Great And Terrible.
You've come because You wish to find your family.
Can you help me? I will show you what you seek to know.
But I warn you, it won't be easy for you.
Is that my mother? Her name was Cora.
She gave birth to you in another land.
A cyclone struck and carried you to this world.
Why did she abandon me? You couldn't give her the one thing she truly wanted.
The ability to become royalty.
Who's that? Your sister, Regina.
Wait.
I've got a sister? Your sister could do what your mother wished.
Regina became Queen.
Who is that man? That is Rumplestiltskin, a very powerful wizard.
The most powerful in all the realms.
Like you, Regina has the gift of magic.
But she has been unable to develop it.
Magic is a gift? Yes, and he's trying to teach her that.
He should be teaching me.
Not her.
I need to meet this wizard.
I I'll pay whatever you desire.
Just, please tell me how to get there.
Look down.
When you click your heels together three times, those slippers will take you wherever you desire.
Well, what do you want in return? I simply ask that you bring me something of Rumplestiltskin's.
Be careful.
It is one thing to wonder about your past, but another to become envious of things you cannot have.
Well, this is a day of surprises.
I thought that would take you at least unt You're not Regina.
No.
I'm Cora's other daughter.
That's not possible.
I'm Zelena her firstborn.
We'll see about that.
Well, hello, dearie.
A day of surprises, indeed.
Regina, is she telling the truth? Are you sure that Cora didn't booby-trap her stuff? I mean, I don't think that a sleeping curse would be good for the baby.
David, Belle, and Tink are locking down Main Street just in case this fight actually happens.
Regina, did you find something? A a letter.
What's it say? Zelena is my sister.
Regina, w what is Nothing.
Don't worry about it.
It's my fight.
I've got it handled.
What the hell was in that letter? If we position someone there, there, and there, we'll have the whole street covered.
I'll talk to Blue, see if we can get reinforcements.
No, you heard Zelena.
She said no interference.
She'll probably order Gold to level half the block if we try something before she gets a crack at her sister.
So they really are sisters? She found a letter in her vault confirming it.
Where is she? Regina.
She disappeared.
Something in the letter upset her.
Should we try to find her? Regina was pretty clear she didn't want any help on this one.
You want to let her walk into this fight alone? No.
She's gonna get help whether she wants it or not.
B but but you just said we can't interfere.
Because Zelena has Gold on her side.
We need to remove him from the equation.
It's the only way Regina has a fighting chance.
We just need to get his dagger.
You saw Zelena.
She practically has it glued to her hand.
Wait, wait.
What if what if I can get through to Rumple without the dagger? It's worth a try.
Regina can't do this alone.
We have to stop meeting like this.
Did the Charmings send you to give me a pep talk? 'Cause I don't do well with pep talks.
No, nothing of the sort.
After Zelena's threat, I decided to patrol the woods in case she decided to build the ranks of her simian army.
How are you holding up? I'm not a flying monkey, if that's what you mean.
So, are you gonna tell me what's in that letter you've been staring at? What letter? This one.
I'm a pickpocket by trade.
I spent spent many years learning how to rob from magicians.
You're lucky I'm saving my strength for that witch.
I think, deep down, you actually want to talk about what's in here.
And what makes you think you know me so well? Well, for one thing, I'd be charred to a crisp by now if you didn't.
True.
So, can I read it? I'm not stopping you.
"Cora, dear, I finally got my hands on your firstborn.
" "Never thought I'd find her.
Did you?" "Now I know why.
" "She's the most powerful sorceress I've ever encountered," "even more powerful than you.
" "Stunning in every way.
" Rather complimentary, I'd say.
Why is this troubling you? I've seen that letter a hundred times before.
In my darkest moments, I'd go to it for comfort, for solace, for a boost when I needed it, because I because I always thought it was about me.
It's about Zelena.
Rumplestiltskin thinks she's more powerful than I am.
Why care what that imp thinks? Because if the man who taught me everything I know about magic thinks she is stronger than I am then there is no way I can win this fight.
Cora never mentioned me? A firstborn daughter? I think that's something I would've remembered.
Now, there's a spell a curse I've been working on for a very, very long time.
Now, I foresaw that that that curse could only be cast by Cora's daughter.
That's why you've been training Regina.
You thought she was going to cast the curse.
Until today.
Shall we see what you can do? Magic isn't about what you see, dearie.
It's about what you feel inside.
You'll have to dig deep if you want to pass tonight's test.
- What am I meant to do? - Simple.
Find me.
Over here, dearie.
Close, but not close enough.
Magic comes from emotion.
Simply think of a moment that makes you seethe with anger.
And use it to fuel that magic, yes.
I learned that a long time ago.
Well, it's it's hard to pick one.
Finding out that my mother abandoned me, that my father never wanted me Getting warmer.
that my sister got everything that I ever desired, that she didn't even have to try, that it was all just handed to her, that she doesn't even know what she has! Ding, dong.
There it is.
And I can feel it in your nails.
I'm sorry.
I lost control.
And now you need to think of a moment of happiness to rein in some of that anger.
Wh what do you think about? I'm the teacher.
I ask the questions.
But but if you don't tell me, then how will I learn? Well, like you, I was abandoned as a child.
Some spinsters took us in.
We didn't have much, but we got by.
Whenever we'd finish a job, they used to bake meat pies.
The entire hovel would fill with the most wonderful smell.
And after they'd cooled, they always used to let me take the first bite.
And as the food warmed my belly, that was the only time I forgot who I really was a boy who wasn't wanted by his papa.
Then I know my moment.
What's that, dearie? The moment I stopped feeling like someone who wasn't wanted.
The moment you agreed to train me.
- We're clear! - There's no sign of Zelena! It looks like she's still keeping Gold in the cellar! Rumple? Belle?! I've come to free you.
No, leave! Leave! You have no idea what that witch will make me do to you if she catches us.
I'm not afraid.
You could never hurt me.
No, it's futile.
As long as she holds the dagger, I cannot leave.
I'm not leaving without you.
It's not worth the risk.
Just try.
You just have to believe in us.
Run.
What? Run! Go! Don't mind me.
Carry on.
I was just enjoying the show.
- Belle! - Over here! It was a trick.
She was toying with us.
Zelena sends a message.
She will face Regina without interference! The next time you try to stop her, I will kill you.
I think I've tied every knot in here.
When do we get to the part about my dad? Just a few moments longer.
There.
Come here.
What's this? That, my boy, is a sextant.
It's a tool used by sailors to navigate.
Like a GPS? Aye.
It measures our position using the stars.
Not sure that's what a GPS does, but what does it have to do with my dad? Well, I taught him to navigate with one, just like I'm gonna teach you.
Were you both in the Navy or something? No, Bae Neal was just a boy when I taught him.
Wait.
Aren't you the same age? It seems like the more you guys tell me about my dad, the less things make sense.
I don't want to learn how to navigate.
I I just want to hear something about him that doesn't make him sound like he's made up so I'll like the guy.
Your mother isn't keeping things from you because she doesn't want you to know the truth.
I know.
She's doing it to protect me, but how am I supposed to feel anything about him being gone if I don't know what he was like while he was here? Fair enough, mate.
What I haven't told you is why I taught your father to sail.
Because he'd just lost his father.
I thought the sea would help ease his sorrow.
Wait.
He lost his dad, too? Aye.
To something dark and evil when he wasn't much older than you.
Really? Indeed.
You see, you might not think you know much about your father, but you have more in common with him than you realize.
I don't remember giving permission for guests.
It's for you.
Meat pie just like the spinsters used to make when you were a boy.
Can't stay.
Have a lesson to teach.
But but we just finished our lesson.
Not with you, dearie.
With Regina.
You're still training her? Did you think I was gonna stop? But you don't need Regina.
I'm going to cast your curse.
She's not nearly as powerful as me.
- She doesn't deserve to have you as a teacher! - Careful, Zelena! What is it that your father used to always tell you? Huh? Um, n n no matter what you feel on the inside, you have to put on a good face.
Mm.
You might want to take his advice.
Your insides are starting to show.
You're turning green, dearie.
Envy will do that to you.
Oh, and don't wait up.
This could take a while.
Have you seen Regina? Not since the vault.
If she doesn't get here soon, that witch could take it out on all of us.
Let's get everybody out of here before that happens.
All right, listen up! We need you to get back to your homes.
No one's going anywhere.
This show needs an audience.
Out of my way, munchkin.
I'm a dwarf.
That's even worse.
Where is she, hmm? Don't tell me she's a coward.
Well, this isn't good for any of you.
If my sister's not here in five minutes, I'm going to let The Dark One off his leash.
Time's up.
Who do you want to kill first, Rumple? He's not killing anyone.
If you want to fight someone, Zelena, fight me.
Sorry, dear.
I don't dance with amateurs.
- I'm not an amateur.
I'm the Savior.
- Mm.
Appears someone's got an inflated sense of self-worth.
Anybody else want to give it a go? I do.
Didn't anyone tell you? Black is my color.
But it looks so much better on me.
I was beginning to think you weren't going to show up.
I couldn't let my sister off that easily.
Oh.
So you've finally accepted me into the family? I've accepted that we shared a mother, yes.
But I still have one question.
What the hell did I ever do to you? Isn't it obvious? You were born.
I've been waiting to do that all day.
Rumplestiltskin can't save you this time.
Don't make a sound.
Rumplestiltskin's wasting his time with you.
You don't deserve him.
You don't deserve any of this.
Our mother couldn't see it, and neither can he.
But I'll show them they're wrong.
Surprise, dearie! As I've always said, jealousy drives people to do crazy things.
You tricked me? Consider it a test one you failed.
Yeah, but I was just trying to make your decision easier and show you that I'm more powerful, that I'm the one that's going to cast your curse.
Well, I appreciate your efforts, dearie, but I'm afraid you just disqualified yourself.
What? Why? Because casting the curse has a price.
A steep one.
You'll have to give up the thing you love most.
I can do that.
Eh, that's the problem, dearie.
The thing you love most is me.
You think I love you? I'm a perceptive sort.
- You're insane.
- Besides the point.
Well, look, i it's okay.
I have that effect on women.
You love me.
And that, dearie, makes you too dangerous.
So, Regina Has the job.
You might want to get that checked out.
You know what? Forget the curse! I'll find another way to give you what you want.
Well, unless you can take me to a land without magic, I'm afraid that's not possible.
I can.
I could have taken you there.
How? These slippers The Wizard gave them to me.
And they can take you anywhere you want to go.
Wizard, eh? But it's too late.
Who who who says it's too late? You chose her.
Perhaps I was hasty.
I am not naive.
There is only way you'll ever get these slippers from me.
You'll have to kill me.
Well, if I must.
You shouldn't have taught me all your tricks, Rumple.
I'll see you again, dearie.
And next time, you will choose me.
He should have chosen me.
- Who? - Rumplestiltskin.
That's what this is about? You're jealous of me? You still don't realize what you had.
You never did.
You got everything I ever wanted, and you didn't even deserve it! But I'm gonna take it all from you! My Miata.
You can't beat me, little sis.
Everything Rumplestiltskin taught you, he taught me, too.
But I was the better student.
Mnh-mnh.
Well, what are you waiting for? Kill me.
I never said I wanted to kill you.
I said I wanted to destroy you, and to do that, I need your heart.
Where is it?! Our mother taught me one thing never bring your heart to a witch fight.
Something you'd know If she hadn't abandoned you.
You haven't won, Regina.
I will get your heart! I will get everything you ever had! Not today.
You all right? I'm still alive, aren't I? Gold disappeared.
We thought that meant She defeated me? Hardly.
You won? Well, don't act so surprised.
As it turns out, Zelena wanted my heart.
It's a good thing I wasn't stupid enough to bring it with me.
Any idea why she wants it? Well, she got your courage and wants my heart.
Those are ingredients.
For what? A curse? We're already in Storybrooke.
We've already lost our memories.
What else could she do to us? Did the plan work? That depends.
Is it still here? Right where you left it.
Well, then, it worked.
I just needed to find the one thing I had that Zelena didn't.
And what exactly was that? My heartless mother.
My sister was right about something.
She said I don't always realize what I have right in front of me.
What's that? Just that I didn't always appreciate things.
Would you mind holding on to this for a bit longer? You're really going to entrust something so valuable to a common thief like me? You can't steal something that's been given to you.
You still me owe me that drink.
Yes, I suppose I do.
Thanks, Killian.
Maybe we can go out on your boat again sometime.
Anytime, lad.
Hey.
How did the Queen fare against the Witch? She survived, but the rest is definitely more than a doorway conversation.
Thanks for taking him.
There's more Bae in your boy than you realize.
He needs to know about his father, Emma.
You can't just take him back to New York when this is over and pretend like none of this is real.
Thanks again.
What? No meat pie? She's clever, Rumple, but so am I.
Regina's heart is somewhere in this town, and it's only a matter of time before I find it.
Whatever twisted curse you have planned, it won't change anything.
If I had to do it all again, I'd still choose Regina.
Would you, now? Well, I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.
I'm afraid I don't understand.
We are doing it all over again.
What I'm casting isn't a curse.
It's a second chance.
I learned some tricks while I was gone.
You showed me my past.
Now take me there to the moment my mother abandoned me.
That's when it all went wrong.
I need to go back and change it.
You want to travel back in time? To change the past? What's so funny? I'm afraid that's impossible.
I thought you were The Great And Terrible Oz.
Even my power has its limits.
You're telling me.
Oh! No! Don't hurt me! Please! Who are you?! My my name is Walsh.
I I'm I'm just a circus huckster.
I'm a showman.
I I come from a distant land a place called Kansas.
You're not even a wizard? It's all part of the act, but what I peddle is real.
What you saw there is real.
Those slippers took you to the Enchanted Forest, didn't they? I may not have magic, but the things I collect do.
That's why you wanted me to bring you something of Rumplestiltskin's.
So you could carry on this charade.
I didn't mean any harm.
I was trying to help us both.
What you seek doesn't exist.
No magic is that strong.
Well, then I have no use for you.
At least not like that.
Like what? What I need is someone who is willing to do whatever I ask without question.
Like a trained circus animal.
You're evil.
Not evil, dear.
Wicked.
No.
No! Much better.
Now, come.
If I'm going to find a way to change the past, I've got work to do.
Well done, Regina! You've been practicing.
You're shaping up to be the best pupil I ever had.
We'll see about that.
When I'm done, Regina you'll have never even been born.