Party Down s02e10 Episode Script

[screaming.]
It's so great to see you, guys.
Henry, oh, my gosh How's my favorite bartender? Oh, you guys, thank you so much for coming.
Oh, well, you hired us - But you came - Yeah - Thank you.
- Nonsense.
Casey, oh my goodness - Oh, my God.
You look so beautiful.
- Thank you.
Oh, guys, oh gosh, you look the same.
Hold the goddamn appetizers.
What did we do, hire a bunch of smucks? Baby, this is Party Down.
This is my reason for living, guys.
Hi, hi, hi.
None of you light a match or I will explode.
And no sudden .
- - But it's getting better.
So this is.
Well you know what Nookiepuss, all gabbin' you told me about these guys, I feel like I've known 'em my whole life.
This handsome fuck.
Kyle? Whoa, yeah.
And ring-a-dig-ding this must be Casey Kleinberg.
Klein.
Boy you weren't kiddin' about those cans! I told ya.
Yeah, wish I was a younger.
Oh you are, inside where it counts.
This is easy.
This must be Roman.
No, no, no that's Henry, he's the failed actor.
There's Roman, mmah, mmah, Oh sorry sorry, no offense.
Day and night.
Andwho is this? I don't know who this is.
Lydia, I'm like your replacement.
Oh-- Yeah.
I don't know that I could be replaced.
You left and they got me.
Okay people, let's make Constance's wedding-- Oh shit! Oh no! Howard! Oh my God! This is it.
[ screaming .]
Oh my God! Oh my God! I don't-- I-- I'm so sorry.
[ laughing .]
Ron, right? Just a little joke, Dude.
[ laughing .]
Isn't he just wonderful? Duane and CC, yea! Oh,thanks so much for coming.
Are those what I think they are? With flax and rye husk, you're colon will sing.
Mmm.
We're joy de share.
One more ray of love shines in the universe.
Roman will you take these.
Thank you so much, this is Howard.
Duane and I were extras on Manimal back in the day.
Nothing says "love" like a basket of yak poo.
Did you get them something? Yep, got them a song, Karma Rocket's gonna rock after the ceremony.
What'd you get 'em? Nothing.
That old fucker's loaded.
Hey three whites and an algae water.
Hey so Henry, does this make you uncomfortable? What a year later and still being her favorite bartender? Yeah it-- No, no, no-- The wedding? Why you worried we'll end up in awkward "relationship" talks? No- Bouquet toss anxiety.
Is that it? No.
She's not even throwing a bouquet, she's throwing an egg.
What? Some Asian thing.
I'm talking about Howard.
You know Constance's only known him two months? Really? Yeah really, he was like some big deal movie producer something in the seventies.
And now he's trying to get "back in the game" with some bullshit project, and they met because he posted an ad for actresses in fuckin' Craigslist.
Three champagnes.
we do the return, there's damage, So you put in a 1012 B- 1012C, the client's a C-corp.
Ron.
State bird of Oklahoma! Falcon! Osprey-- Scissor-tailed fly-catcher, Mr.
Lugozshe.
Ron's gunning for operations manager at Party Down.
Ron, Stuart My Son-in-law-ance.
Zoom Bouncy houses.
You need a bouncy house, we're the last name in the book.
I'veheard a lot about you.
I um need to run to the ladies room.
My dress is on backwards.
Keep up the good work, Ron.
We got our eye on you at the main office.
So, you wanna sneak off? Henry, Henry.
Finish stacking these, okay? Hey.
can one of you guys do me a huge favor? And read this and explain it to me? As in, you're revealing you can't read? I told you! No, I read just fine, thank you.
It's just this script.
"Velour--" Velour? Whatever.
Indie thing, supposed to be great, right.
Well, I read it, and it makes no sense to me, my audition's Monday.
Well, that's the Yezel Bat Mitzvah.
So get Mundo, man.
Look, I'd read it again, but I'm working today, my band's playing, and it turns out one of Howard's showbiz buddies Sidleman, right there.
Ever heard of Seals and Croft? He discovered Croft.
This could be a huge break for us- we gotta rock.
Kyle, are you sure Sid Sidleman is still dispenses breaks? I'll do it, I'll do it if you watch the bar and finish restocking these.
Awesome.
Danielle, seeing you out there with him it's killing me.
Ron!? What are you doing here, This is the ladies room! You saidabout your dress being backwards.
Wasn't that a signal? No, my dress was on backwards.
Oh.
Somebody might come in, No, I put up an out of order sign.
Okay.
Wait a second this is wrong.
We have to stop.
No.
What do you mean? I have the sign up and your dress is on frontward.
No, I mean this.
Us.
Ron, there's a real chance that my dad is gonna make you operations manager.
That's great, I get operations manager and then you breakup with Stuart, and we get that talking bird you always wanted, we'll be like those people who have it all.
Ron, no! My dad loves Stuart more than I do, and If he finds out that I've been cheating on him with you, he's gonna banish you from Party Down, entirely.
We've gotta break things off Ron.
What, no.
And I actually think it's a really good idea, because I 'd have a good life with him, and you would get what you want-- No, no, no-- We have so much in common.
We finish each others-- food, I know.
No, sentences.
Danielle? I'm sorry Ron, it's for the best.
No, no, no, it's out of order It's out of-- Danielle, no wait-- don't go.
It's the ladies room! Then what the hell are you doing here? He's not suppose to be here either.
I'm sorry, Ron, I didn't mean for it to end like this.
Me, neither.
Romantic, huh.
Weddings.
My wedding was romantic, and look how that ended.
Mmm.
Where's your wife? Catering convention.
But, when the uh the cat-- the cat's away.
The um-- You know, the saying.
You like to ride? I'm sorry? Horses.
You like to ride? Sure, yeah.
My daughter loves horses.
She had posters- You have the flanks of a horse woman.
Oh-- Nice firm flanks.
I love to ride myself.
[ clicking tongue .]
So unbelievable.
Why? I'm spankable too.
That's not what I meant.
What part is flanks? On a human? Vagina? Oh god don't guess.
Hey.
Hi.
Come on we don't have enough-- One sec, I wanna finish this.
Really? Yeah.
Wow it's that good, huh? Like, if I acting, I would call my agent and demand he get me the part.
I mean I would say that to his assistant and then he would hang up and laugh at me, but still.
It's like with the Apatow thing, you were like- I'm gonna kill this, this is gonna be my big break.
Yeah, I don't know-- This is kind of cool, I gotta say-- what? I've never seen this Henry before.
Oh really? Ah I kind of like this.
Yeah? Casey, circulate.
Henry, someone peed all over the ladies room.
Well, I'm actually kind of busy, Ron, Clean up the fuckin' piss! Okay.
Ron, what is it? Nothing.
Oh come on Ron, it's me.
I know that look.
Is it your bowels? Constance, you've experienced a lot.
What matters in life? Ron, that's a question is as vast and wondrous as life itself.
I've experienced a fair amount.
Ron, in all of life, the one thing matters.
Is that you follow your heart.
I'd say three things.
Paid rent, some form of insurance, and TV, preferably cable with DVR.
No you're wrong, It's love.
Oh, Well being practical in my experience.
Well your experience is probably wrong.
Follow your heart, Ron.
Right, and next thing you know you're sleeping on your friend Peg's couch drinking vermouth all day and crying so much you pull a muscle in your face.
Reverend Eagleman.
It's love, isn't it? Yes.
Perhaps.
Perhaps? But that's not what you told me when we were dating.
My opinion changed after you dumped me for Aku.
Well I was in love Aku, I followed my heart.
Probably, watched a lot of TV during that time, huh? Six seasons of the Sopranos.
Well the Sopranos was a wonderful show! And it's no reason to close your heart.
Hey, Constance? Can I talk to you for a second? Where we going? No it's private? She said privately, god! Follow your heart.
See ya Connie.
She's fun.
Be practical, okay? Okay.
What are we talking about? And this isn't just about the project.
No, no, I mean I love the project.
You know when you read something and you know you're just perfect for it? Yes, But this isn't just about him putting you in a movie, right? Like you're in love with this man-- Oh yeah! And I loved the project.
Do you trust him? Cause Constance he's been married nine other times.
And he's cheated on every single one of them.
What's in a number, huh? He's on a journey, I'm on a journey, We're all searching and we found each other.
He flirts with like every female guest at the party.
That's his style, Casey he's a flirter.
He spanked me.
He's a big spanker.
He's a spanker, Good cause he also spanked Lydia.
Well, I don't notice.
He made all the other wives sign these pre-nups, He didn't make me sign one.
So don't worry.
Well I am, I'm a little bit worried.
Because this seems crazy.
Well I'm crazy.
He's crazy.
We're the same kind of crazy.
And that's love.
I don't- I know he'll be true.
How? Because I believe.
But based on what? Based on love.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh shit, I'm sorry.
I think this is the ladies room, by the way.
Where better to meet ladies? Oh.
That still an area of interest? Oh come on, it's just boy's room talk.
It's the ladies room.
So tenth times the charm, huh? I like that, you waiters really watch each other's back, very hip.
We just don't want Constance to get hurt.
Look you don't know me.
And I don't care if you believe me or not.
But I have been on an entire journey my whole life, I've been there and back I'm 75 with a bum ticker.
I love that broad.
Let me tell you, if I'd ever screw her over, then my name's Jack Shit.
Okay? Okay.
Now, let me go change my tank, and you can sponge up the shit.
Excuse me, where'd you get that? Hey hands off, Hippie.
This isn't a commune.
No, the main guy's brother who gave the girl the key.
But the main guy didn't tell, And the brother knew he knew.
Knew what? You know what, fuck it.
Kyle.
Take off your sun helmet.
Scotch.
Where the hell's my father? Mona! I'm so glad you could come.
Constance.
Call me mom.
I won't.
What would you like to call me? How about "that cunt spending our fortune on scented candles?" Where the hell is Howard? I saw him.
Earlier.
Where did you see him.
Where was I? Where was he? Where was I? Where was he? I need to place myself in space and time.
Cause I know where I was, I have to know, where I am.
Now.
Do any residents of the planet earth know where my father is? [ new age music playing .]
So it's like a pop vocal group? Yeah yeah with a kind of emo rock element.
You're gonna love it.
Oh God, where's Constance and the old guy? It's past the start time.
Inside something about paperwork.
No, not really, paperwork.
Yeah, why? Hi.
We got a call, Someone in the back bathroom says their dying? Shit, um-- You maybe wanna take me ther-- Yeah I think it's-- Do I-- do I help you with that? Oh great.
Great.
You're here.
So either I'm gonna die any instant, or I've been dead a while.
Maybe there's something that could be done.
You could help me, you could-- put me in life machine.
A life machine, like it creates life.
Do you guys-- do you have any idea what I'm talkin' about? Um-- Looks like he ate three.
That's, say, tenth of an ounce [ laughing .]
of high grade marijuana.
Oh oh.
Am I gonna die? Well, you can't OD on marijuana.
You're going to be great, son.
You guys are like 15 minutes late.
No, no is this a pre-nup? Yeah.
Constance, you said he didn't want a pre-nup.
Oh, I don't care about that stuff.
Every day with Howard is a gift.
Well it's pretty severe.
I mean, Not only do you get nothing if it doesn't work, Oh it will.
We'll be together forever.
Damn right, nookiepuss.
This is just to give Mona piece of mind.
But you can't keep a diary? What? No! Constance, you can't-- this is crazy.
No honey, it's practical, okay.
Gold-digging, never-was "actress" pursues wealthy, aging producer with a heart condition.
Oh I know, it's like a fairy tale.
Pinocchio.
Don't talk to her like that.
Like what? I am an actress.
Constance, don't sign this thing, seriously! Howard, I thought, I mean, when we talked in the boy's room.
I remember.
And I meant it, by the way it was the ladies room.
Henry? Yea! And when two people are meant to be one, by the will of God, or Gaia earth mother or universal consciousness, or simple chance.
It is for us only to say, "yes.
" "Yes.
" Yes! So, if anyone knows a reason these two should not be wed, let them speak now or forever hold your- Wait! No, Constance, don't you marry that man.
Is that fuckin' Patrick Duffy? Duffel? I tried to forget you, but I can't! Patrick, I'm getting married.
After all we had? After Mazatlan? After making love in a glider plane over the rainforest, and again in the waterfall where we crashed? That was you? Yes! And since you called, I can't drink you outta my mind.
I called you? You left, like, a twenty minute message.
Oh I'm sorry, I was drunk.
I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea.
I'm in love Howard.
I'm marrying him.
Oh shit.
Oh Duffels.
I'm sorry, everybody.
I was just so lit.
[ laughter .]
Drunk dailin'.
Okay, okay.
We'll just back up- Now, if anyone knows of a reason these two should not be wed, let them speak now-- Danielle.
Don't marry that man! Ron? I'm referring to this couple.
No, no, no, Let him speak.
Danielle, I know you said we should be practical, but I can't-- Ron? Stuart, no, no, please, I just to get this off my chest.
Dude, what the fuck? I know, but I just have to tell her my feelings, I understand.
This is my fiancee! I know, but just let me finish, let me finish.
No! Let him finish.
Danielle and-- him? Bolus, I'm sorry, but we're in love.
Dude, you are ruining my life! Why are you doing this to me? Stuart, this is not about you.
Yes it is! Stuart, let him finish.
Who's side are you on? Danielle, I'm following my heart.
And my heart says-- You can't just do that, asshole! Stop it! All of you! Just stop it! Danielle! Stuart! Ron! You okay? Oh yeah.
Okay come on.
How about we skip to the end? I declare you wed, you may kiss.
Mazel tov! Namaste! I've gotta a drink.
[ phone rings .]
If I open my eyes, the serpent will see me and I'll be swallowed.
Dude, he needs a spirit animal.
He's beyond that.
He's in a Jungian space of pure consciousness.
I'm in apurple tube- Open your eyes.
No.
Open your eyes.
No.
Open your eyes.
Do you see the serpent? Yes.
What color are its eyes? Brown eyes.
Is the serpent wearing glasses? Yes The serpent is you.
Roman, let yourself consume yourself.
Kyle? Your band is on.
Okay, shit.
You're right.
Oh! What are you boys doing? I need something to write on.
I need something to write on.
What an unusual ceremony.
I'm sure that you two will be very happy.
Oh I'm sure two, cause if you waggle your flanks, in his face one more time, I'll cut cha.
What part is flanks? [ music starts .]
Constance, I wrote this song for us.
For what we've been through, fighting the good fight.
It's called "My Struggle.
" We're special, you and I.
Blond our hair, and blue our eyes.
the world it should be ours But they just want money it's a conspiracy Yeah, they brand you a star! Did he say a star? Put you on that midnight train, going very far--! Midnight train-- Line you up and give you a number shoot you down throw you away we will not surrender this is my struggle You know, like, stardom, fame, right? - The holo-what? - Caust.
Karma Rocket, everybody, yea! Thank you so much.
[ Lydia yelling .]
What a week, shit.
Umaren't you married? Not for long.
She served papers yesterday.
I'm fucked.
Hey, you seen Casey? No.
Go away, Henry.
Hey, there you are.
You missed Karma Rocket, which is to say you missed some powerful Aryan energy.
You all right? Uh, they cut my scene.
Wait, what--the Apatow--? My manager just called.
And said that they cut my scene.
And that I'm not in the movie any more.
I'm so sorry.
My big fucking break, and I'm not even fuckin' in it? I don't-- I mean What is the point? Don't say that, that's ridiculous.
Why is that ridiculous, Henry, you think, that's sensible, you don't even think that that's ridiculous.
No that's not true.
Listen I'm so sorry, but-- can't talk like that, you have so much talent and you worked so hard.
Just keep chasin' that dream? Yeah.
That's not ridiculous? Yeah.
Just keep my trying cause I'm gonna make it.
Yes.
Yes, you are going to make it.
That's crazy, Henry, you're lying-- No, it's not.
No, I'm not.
Yes you are.
No, I'm not Casey! Casey, I'm just trying-- I know what you're trying to do, I know that you're trying to help me-- But maybe if we were the same kind of crazy, but we're not.
Because if you're not crazy enough to believe it for you, how are you, going to believe it for me? Casey.
Don't pleaseplease.
Henry, there's nothing that you can say, okay? You were right, Lydia.
I followed my heart, and I lost everything.
Oh Ron.
What do you think of Bolus? Isn't he married? Apparently not for long.
I mean he's so cute, but you know my motto.
Be practical.
And it looks like he's going to lose everything.
Oh the wife's getting it all.
The company, the house.
Huh, I mean is it stupid to fall for a guy who has nothing? He's gonna loose the company? Danielle.
I thought you'd left.
I took Stuart home.
And I told him we're through.
You're absolutely right, Ron.
I want you and I don't care if you have to work at a gas station or a Burger King.
No, no, it's not- or a dry cleaners, or chicken factory.
I don't have to work in a chicken factory.
If we're together we can be happy.
And so what if you don't have your career.
Well that's what I'm-- or feel like a real man.
No that's tell you-- or any reason to wake up in the morning.
No Danielle that's what I'm trying to tell you.
That's what I'm trying to tell you, it's a miracle, I can still be operations manager.
Your dad is no longer head of Party Down.
Your mom is.
And she hates Stuart so-- Your parents are getting divorced! What?! Ah that's it.
And then as they're about to attack the planet, they realize the alien civilization is themselves.
Love it, love it.
That's it.
The serpent in the mirror.
They're the serpent in the mirror.
Great title, man.
I thought you couldn't OD on pot.
Naw, just taking him to show the nurses, never seen a guy this high.
Nice.
Kyle.
Kyle, Yeah Buddy.
Hold on to that.
Till I can type again.
It's my masterpiece.
Got it right here.
Oh my god, I now understand everything.
Time to get the egg! Yea! Thank You! Congrats! Everybody ready? Henry, where's Casey? Ah we kind of had a disagreement.
She left.
Welcome to the club.
The shit sandwich club.
Ahh! What the fuck is that? It's the egg of blessing.
It means you will find love.
I'm married! Yeah, it will last forever.
He's gone.
No, Sure he ain't just fooling around? Nope.
He's passed on.
Thank you, Howard.
Every day has been a gift.
And the free gifts stop here.
Except for your Dad's signature.
What are you talking about, I saw them sign-- Wait, who's "Jack Shit?" No, honey.
I understand.
Maybe we got the wrong-- I'm sorry, maybe I got the wrong birdseed.
Can we talk about this later? Isn't it wonderful those two? It's like a fairytale.
Oh, hey, man, I got your notes.
My notes? Yeah, remember when you were totally high and you wrote down detailed notes about your sci-fi masterpiece? I did? Yeah.
And it's kind of bad ass.
Sorry I didn't roll it back up it's really good, I think you've got something there.
This toilet paper.
I don't think it holds a conversation, you just teach it words.
What words do you like? I don't wanna fight-- can I call you back, please.
Mundo, you're late.
That's an RDD.
A what? Where's Henry? Day off, said he had to go do something.
Henry Pollard?