Phineas and Ferb s01e27 Episode Script
Crack That Whip (15 min)
And that is why the 18th century sewing thimble was not only a slice of history, but a compelling example of American grit and perseverance.
Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Yes? Great, Dad.
Oh That was wonderf Mom! Oh, I'm kidding! Hon, your speech is gonna be a big hit at the antique thimble symposium.
It's gonna knock 'em dead.
Uh, which we're gonna be late for if we don't get on the road! Thanks again for looking after the kids today.
Candace is skating at the park.
All numbers are on the fridge.
Be good for your grandparents, boys! Bye! You wanna go down and embarrass your sister at the park? Yeah.
You got it, Candace! You may be rusty, but you got it! Uh I-I can't turn around or stop, but I got it! I wonder if Jeremy's skating here today.
Does this helmet make my butt look big? See? I told you Ferb was a good skater.
Ooh, that's my boy! Hey! Isn't that your family? Yoo-hoo! Hello! Hey, Candace! Jump in! I am so not with them! Turn me around, Stacy! So, Grandma, where did you get the moves? Well, boys, I was quite the skater in myâ Oof! Watch where you're- Betty Jo? Of the Tri-State Bombers? Hildegard? Of the Saskatoon Slashers? I thought I smelled the last of you back in '57, when I whipped your sorry behind, took the trophy and became the rightful Queen of the Derby! Whoa, Grandma, you were in the rollerskating derby? Not only was I in it, I was champ! It was years ago.
The night of the final match between the Bombers and the Slashers.
We were on our final lap.
What was left of my team used our signature move "The Whip" to send me to the finish line.
Hildegard's team had the same idea.
The trophy was mine until You only won because you cheated! "Anything goes", remember? Well, what do you say we try it again, cheater? Anytime, anywhere.
You skate like a water buffalo! Hi, Jeremy.
Uh, Candace? Why is my grandma yelling at your grandma? That's your grandmother? Come on, Jeremy.
You and your little sister are on my team.
Suzy! Yes, Grandma? Me, you and Jeremy are a team.
Got it? So I need two of you kids on my team, okay? Well, you can have Phineas and Ferb, Grandma.
I'm not- But that's not fair, Candace.
Our team has two girls and one boy, so you need to be on your grandma's team so it's fair.
Cause it's not fair if it's two boys and one girl against two girls and one boy, so you have to skate, Candace, or else it won't be fair.
Then it's you, Ferb, and Grandma! You'll make a great team! B-But- I guess it's set, then.
We gotta do it for our grandmas.
Right, Candace? Yeah, right.
Psst.
See ya on the track, chump! Yeah, great.
Hey, wait! There's nowhere to have a rollerskating derby, remember? The old derby track got torn down and turned into a tattoo parlor! Leave the rink to us! Hmm.
Uh Nice entrance, Agent P.
But you do realize there's an elevator right over there, right? Okay, just pointing it out.
Doofenshmirtz is up to something.
I want you to get out there and put a stop to it.
Perry! I can't be a part of this race.
I mean, what if we win? Would Jeremy still like me? All I know for sure is boys hate to be beaten by girls.
There you are, hon.
You know where your dad keeps his glue gun? Glue gun? What are they up to? Later, Stace.
I knew it! I just knew you would be up to something by now.
Et tu, Grandpa? No, I just had one.
There's more if you want.
Oh, just wait until Mom hears about this! Heads up! Oof! Lace 'em up tight, dearie! We've got a score to settle.
Win! Win! Win! Yeah.
Ooh, yeah.
Will you cool it with the noise, Perry the Platypus? I've got a splitting headache.
I was at this evil mixer until late last night, it was crazy.
Can you hang out for just one moment? I-I'm almost there.
Hold on.
Ow! Oh, I've got to get a quieter trap.
Now that you're trapped, I will tell you my evil plan.
I'm miserable because I can't grow facial hair.
It all started when I was about 15.
Oh! Oh, you know what, my head hurts too much for a flashback.
Anyway, I've tried everything to grow facial hair.
It's all so painful.
I hate people with beards, et cetera, et cetera.
So, who do they erect a statue of right next door? Rutherford B.
Hayes, our 19th president! Only the president with the best facial hair of all! Just look at that thing.
There's no beard like 19th century beard, Perry the Platypus.
Anyway, that horrible statue must be destroyed, as it is a constant reminder of my follicular failure! Oh.
Give me just a moment, Perry.
This hurts me more that it hurts you.
Literally.
and then on the final lap, we'll use The Whip to launch the weak skater.
No offense, honey, but that's you.
Over to the finish line To victory! All I know for sure is boys hate to be beaten by girls.
Candace! Have you no mercy?! Come on, Grandma.
Let's go home.
And remember, honey.
Show 'em no mercy! What am I going to do? I can't beat Jeremy's grandmother.
And I can't let my grandmother lose.
Skaters to their marks! Oh, great.
Maybe I'll get lucky and get hit by a bus.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to today's main event.
The "anything goes" grudge race of the century between Grandma Betty Jo and Grandma Hildegard.
I'm Phineas Flynn, and I'll be your announcer for today's action, along with our color commentator, Grandpa Clyde! Yellow, green, blue! Excellent color, Grandpa.
Glad to oblige.
And now, let's rock and roll-erskate derby! Remember kids, two words Oof! road kill! Come on, honey! We've got butt to kick! And they're off! (Song: Ring of Fun) When granny gets loose, everybody get out of the way (Round and round that ring of fun!) 'Cause she's lacing her boots up at 4 A.
M.
everyday (Round and round that ring of fun!) Grudge match grannies who got nothing to lose Gray-haired lightning wearing knee pads and rouge Crusin' for a brusin', cause you know they got a real short fuse! That ring of fun! Round and round that ring of fun! That ring of fun! Round and round that ring of fun! Grudge Match Grannies in the midday sun Goin' round and round in that ring of fun! Yeah! And we're back! Grandpa? Orange, purple, chartreuse! So, Perry the Platypus, in order to rid myself of that horrid, bearded statue, I've invented the Ugh.
Ugh.
Perry the Platypus, this is so heavy.
Can you just step out for a sec? I've invented the Bread-inator! Not only will this machine emit a ray that will turn Mr.
President into whole-grain bread, it will also release a flock of hungry magpies that will devour the doughy statue! Beard go bye-bye! Ow, ow.
Aw, my evil head.
We're coming to the end of the race.
The crowd is going nuts! Come on, Candace! Time for The Whip! Okay, one, two, three! Go catch her, Jeremy! It's Candace and Jeremy neck and neck as they come down the strait.
I don't think so.
Wow! Candace, you've got to teach me how to skate like that.
Oh, wait! Candace and Jeremy are back in the race, but they're going the wrong way! And now, Suzy is going the wrong way too! At least Ferb's still going the right way! Oops, spoke too soon.
And don't even think about any rough up this time, sister, or I'll kick your fat- And it's Betty Jo pulling away! It's Grandma Hildegard coming up on the shoulder! And by "shoulder" I mean Betty Jo's shoulders! Get off of me! I can't see! It's Grandma Betty! It's Hildegard! It's Betty! It's Hildegard! It's a tie! A tie? Ooh.
Betty Jo ain't gonna like that.
Well, at least I won this race.
You won? You're crazy! I obviously crossed the finish line first! Wrong! And, get off, cheater! Hey, Grandma, that was really fun! I thought it'd be lame and I'd hate it, but, I had fun.
How about you, Hilda? Did you have fun? Yeah, I did.
Maybe it ain't so important who won but that we had fun with the kids.
Yeah.
Maybe it ain't important.
But just for the record, I won.
You mean, even though you lost, it's having fun that's important.
Who are you calling a loser, cheater? Who you calling a cheater, loser? That's it! Race ya to the Rutherford B.
Hayes statue! Go! Perry the Platypus, my head is killing me.
This- This is all a wash anyway.
I'll turn on the ray and you'll turn off the ray, thwarting my plan.
Let's just get it over with, all right? Ray on.
And Ray off.
Perry! Good.
I'm just going to lie down for a bit.
I promise I'll be more evil next time, alright? All right, all right, we've had our kicks.
But Mom's still gonna flip when she sees this.
Oh, that's her car! You are so busted! Mom, come on, come on! The boys built a giant roller rink in the backyardâ Uh Giant loaf of bread? Ah 'unno.
Mom! Mom! The boys built a giant loaf of bread in the backyard! What? I thought you said it was a roller rink.
It was, but now it's a loaf of bread! Come on, come on! See?! Candace, what are you talking about?! B-b-b bread Boys, I think she's finally lost it.
Hey, Dad.
How'd your speech go? Well, I have to say it was "thimbly" wonderful.
Hey, what's this thing do? Whaâ? Hey, guys.
Candace around? Good catch, Jeremy.
He sure is.
Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Yes? Great, Dad.
Oh That was wonderf Mom! Oh, I'm kidding! Hon, your speech is gonna be a big hit at the antique thimble symposium.
It's gonna knock 'em dead.
Uh, which we're gonna be late for if we don't get on the road! Thanks again for looking after the kids today.
Candace is skating at the park.
All numbers are on the fridge.
Be good for your grandparents, boys! Bye! You wanna go down and embarrass your sister at the park? Yeah.
You got it, Candace! You may be rusty, but you got it! Uh I-I can't turn around or stop, but I got it! I wonder if Jeremy's skating here today.
Does this helmet make my butt look big? See? I told you Ferb was a good skater.
Ooh, that's my boy! Hey! Isn't that your family? Yoo-hoo! Hello! Hey, Candace! Jump in! I am so not with them! Turn me around, Stacy! So, Grandma, where did you get the moves? Well, boys, I was quite the skater in myâ Oof! Watch where you're- Betty Jo? Of the Tri-State Bombers? Hildegard? Of the Saskatoon Slashers? I thought I smelled the last of you back in '57, when I whipped your sorry behind, took the trophy and became the rightful Queen of the Derby! Whoa, Grandma, you were in the rollerskating derby? Not only was I in it, I was champ! It was years ago.
The night of the final match between the Bombers and the Slashers.
We were on our final lap.
What was left of my team used our signature move "The Whip" to send me to the finish line.
Hildegard's team had the same idea.
The trophy was mine until You only won because you cheated! "Anything goes", remember? Well, what do you say we try it again, cheater? Anytime, anywhere.
You skate like a water buffalo! Hi, Jeremy.
Uh, Candace? Why is my grandma yelling at your grandma? That's your grandmother? Come on, Jeremy.
You and your little sister are on my team.
Suzy! Yes, Grandma? Me, you and Jeremy are a team.
Got it? So I need two of you kids on my team, okay? Well, you can have Phineas and Ferb, Grandma.
I'm not- But that's not fair, Candace.
Our team has two girls and one boy, so you need to be on your grandma's team so it's fair.
Cause it's not fair if it's two boys and one girl against two girls and one boy, so you have to skate, Candace, or else it won't be fair.
Then it's you, Ferb, and Grandma! You'll make a great team! B-But- I guess it's set, then.
We gotta do it for our grandmas.
Right, Candace? Yeah, right.
Psst.
See ya on the track, chump! Yeah, great.
Hey, wait! There's nowhere to have a rollerskating derby, remember? The old derby track got torn down and turned into a tattoo parlor! Leave the rink to us! Hmm.
Uh Nice entrance, Agent P.
But you do realize there's an elevator right over there, right? Okay, just pointing it out.
Doofenshmirtz is up to something.
I want you to get out there and put a stop to it.
Perry! I can't be a part of this race.
I mean, what if we win? Would Jeremy still like me? All I know for sure is boys hate to be beaten by girls.
There you are, hon.
You know where your dad keeps his glue gun? Glue gun? What are they up to? Later, Stace.
I knew it! I just knew you would be up to something by now.
Et tu, Grandpa? No, I just had one.
There's more if you want.
Oh, just wait until Mom hears about this! Heads up! Oof! Lace 'em up tight, dearie! We've got a score to settle.
Win! Win! Win! Yeah.
Ooh, yeah.
Will you cool it with the noise, Perry the Platypus? I've got a splitting headache.
I was at this evil mixer until late last night, it was crazy.
Can you hang out for just one moment? I-I'm almost there.
Hold on.
Ow! Oh, I've got to get a quieter trap.
Now that you're trapped, I will tell you my evil plan.
I'm miserable because I can't grow facial hair.
It all started when I was about 15.
Oh! Oh, you know what, my head hurts too much for a flashback.
Anyway, I've tried everything to grow facial hair.
It's all so painful.
I hate people with beards, et cetera, et cetera.
So, who do they erect a statue of right next door? Rutherford B.
Hayes, our 19th president! Only the president with the best facial hair of all! Just look at that thing.
There's no beard like 19th century beard, Perry the Platypus.
Anyway, that horrible statue must be destroyed, as it is a constant reminder of my follicular failure! Oh.
Give me just a moment, Perry.
This hurts me more that it hurts you.
Literally.
and then on the final lap, we'll use The Whip to launch the weak skater.
No offense, honey, but that's you.
Over to the finish line To victory! All I know for sure is boys hate to be beaten by girls.
Candace! Have you no mercy?! Come on, Grandma.
Let's go home.
And remember, honey.
Show 'em no mercy! What am I going to do? I can't beat Jeremy's grandmother.
And I can't let my grandmother lose.
Skaters to their marks! Oh, great.
Maybe I'll get lucky and get hit by a bus.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to today's main event.
The "anything goes" grudge race of the century between Grandma Betty Jo and Grandma Hildegard.
I'm Phineas Flynn, and I'll be your announcer for today's action, along with our color commentator, Grandpa Clyde! Yellow, green, blue! Excellent color, Grandpa.
Glad to oblige.
And now, let's rock and roll-erskate derby! Remember kids, two words Oof! road kill! Come on, honey! We've got butt to kick! And they're off! (Song: Ring of Fun) When granny gets loose, everybody get out of the way (Round and round that ring of fun!) 'Cause she's lacing her boots up at 4 A.
M.
everyday (Round and round that ring of fun!) Grudge match grannies who got nothing to lose Gray-haired lightning wearing knee pads and rouge Crusin' for a brusin', cause you know they got a real short fuse! That ring of fun! Round and round that ring of fun! That ring of fun! Round and round that ring of fun! Grudge Match Grannies in the midday sun Goin' round and round in that ring of fun! Yeah! And we're back! Grandpa? Orange, purple, chartreuse! So, Perry the Platypus, in order to rid myself of that horrid, bearded statue, I've invented the Ugh.
Ugh.
Perry the Platypus, this is so heavy.
Can you just step out for a sec? I've invented the Bread-inator! Not only will this machine emit a ray that will turn Mr.
President into whole-grain bread, it will also release a flock of hungry magpies that will devour the doughy statue! Beard go bye-bye! Ow, ow.
Aw, my evil head.
We're coming to the end of the race.
The crowd is going nuts! Come on, Candace! Time for The Whip! Okay, one, two, three! Go catch her, Jeremy! It's Candace and Jeremy neck and neck as they come down the strait.
I don't think so.
Wow! Candace, you've got to teach me how to skate like that.
Oh, wait! Candace and Jeremy are back in the race, but they're going the wrong way! And now, Suzy is going the wrong way too! At least Ferb's still going the right way! Oops, spoke too soon.
And don't even think about any rough up this time, sister, or I'll kick your fat- And it's Betty Jo pulling away! It's Grandma Hildegard coming up on the shoulder! And by "shoulder" I mean Betty Jo's shoulders! Get off of me! I can't see! It's Grandma Betty! It's Hildegard! It's Betty! It's Hildegard! It's a tie! A tie? Ooh.
Betty Jo ain't gonna like that.
Well, at least I won this race.
You won? You're crazy! I obviously crossed the finish line first! Wrong! And, get off, cheater! Hey, Grandma, that was really fun! I thought it'd be lame and I'd hate it, but, I had fun.
How about you, Hilda? Did you have fun? Yeah, I did.
Maybe it ain't so important who won but that we had fun with the kids.
Yeah.
Maybe it ain't important.
But just for the record, I won.
You mean, even though you lost, it's having fun that's important.
Who are you calling a loser, cheater? Who you calling a cheater, loser? That's it! Race ya to the Rutherford B.
Hayes statue! Go! Perry the Platypus, my head is killing me.
This- This is all a wash anyway.
I'll turn on the ray and you'll turn off the ray, thwarting my plan.
Let's just get it over with, all right? Ray on.
And Ray off.
Perry! Good.
I'm just going to lie down for a bit.
I promise I'll be more evil next time, alright? All right, all right, we've had our kicks.
But Mom's still gonna flip when she sees this.
Oh, that's her car! You are so busted! Mom, come on, come on! The boys built a giant roller rink in the backyardâ Uh Giant loaf of bread? Ah 'unno.
Mom! Mom! The boys built a giant loaf of bread in the backyard! What? I thought you said it was a roller rink.
It was, but now it's a loaf of bread! Come on, come on! See?! Candace, what are you talking about?! B-b-b bread Boys, I think she's finally lost it.
Hey, Dad.
How'd your speech go? Well, I have to say it was "thimbly" wonderful.
Hey, what's this thing do? Whaâ? Hey, guys.
Candace around? Good catch, Jeremy.
He sure is.