Phineas and Ferb s05e02 Episode Script

1 There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation and school comes along just to end it So the annual problem for our generation is finding a good way to spend it Like maybe Building a rocket, or fighting a mummy or climbing up the Eiffel Tower Discovering something that doesn't exist Hey! Or giving a monkey a shower Surfing tidal waves Creating nano-bots or locating Frankenstein's brain It's over here! Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent Or driving our sister insane Phineas! As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do before school starts this fall Come on, Perry.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence! Hey, Stace, feel like coming over for some pre-bust strategizing? No can do.
Gotta babysit.
Why don't you call Jeremy? Oh, he's doing some sports thingy.
Candace: Meh, it's not my thing.
Ooh.
A whole day without Jeremy and you're not obsessing about it? Who are you and what have you done with Candace? Silly BFF, Jeremy likes me for who I am.
It's like we're one.
When I breathe in, he breathes out.
His heart says, "knock, knock," and my heart says, "who's there?" And the answer is "us.
" [Candace giggles.]
Remember those days when I was always panicking about what he thought or what he would or wouldn't like? - Ancient history.
- That was yesterday.
Candace, I'm going to the store.
- Do you need anything? - Nah, I'm good.
- Okay.
- Oh wait, I am out of toothpaste.
- All right.
Got it.
- And deodorant.
Oh, and pimple cream, loofah pads, body tape, hair dye, cucumber slices, fungal cream You know what? Why don't you just come along so I don't spend the whole day in the teen hygiene aisle? Someone has to be around to bust Phineas and Ferb! Candace, they're playing baseball.
It's not exactly a punishable offense.
Oh, but it will be! It will be! Think of it this way, Candace, the faster I shop, the sooner I come home to bust the boys! What are we waiting for? Come on, come on! Chop-chop! Hello? Hello? Hello? Okay, Isabella, eep your eye on the ball! - Whoa! Great hit! - Power hitter patch, check! Your analysis of the pitch's angle and trajectory was most impressive.
Only you can nerdify a great sport like baseball.
Buford, hitting a baseball involves the basic principles of velocity, force and geometry.
Buford: You're visualizing numbers in the air again, aren't ya? Ferb, I know whate we're gonna do today.
We can use geometric algorithms to build the ultimate batting challenge.
- Well? - It's not as bad when he does it.
[sighs.]
I cannot argue.
So, where is Perry? Oh, he's at home.
[chattering.]
He's not doing much.
What's over here? Morning, Agent P.
As you can see, I, uh, I've had a little shaving mishap with this defective electric razor.
Just not comfortable with my eyebrows moving independently of each other.
Carl: But you are rockin' the reverse mohawk, sir.
Get with it, Carl.
The hip kids refer to it as a "hawkmo.
" Anyhow, Agent P, retail stores all across the Tri-State area are reporting a huge influx of returned faulty items and coincidentally, Doofenshmirtz has been spotted at customer service counters.
I have a hunch that these two unrelated things may just be related! Now go find out if Doofenshmirtz has anything to do with this.
Also, find out if anyone is actually calling it a "hawkmo.
" And if not, please get that started.
Candace: Ugh, this is taking forever! We'll never get home in time to bust the boys! I'll tell you what.
How about you shop for your own things - and then meet me at the register? - Ooh, great idea! Hygiene! Here we are.
Okay, lip wax, pimple cream, fungal cream.
Wow! Running out of all my most embarrassing personal hygiene products on the same day.
Ooh, right, deodorant! Oh, now, which Ducky Momo deadorant I use? Hmm.
Well, there's only one way to be sure.
[sniffs.]
Jeremy: Hey, Candace! What you doing? Uh [nervous giggle.]
Hey, Jeremy.
Um, yeah, I'm just trying to reach the top shelf.
Allow me.
Here we go.
One nose-hair clipper.
Do you want me to put it in your basket? No! I mean [giggles.]
that's not my stuff.
That's my Mom's! I was shopping for my Mom.
Yeah, my Mom has really unruly , uh nose hair.
Yeah, really bad, okay? Uh, yeah, I was on my way to the [clicks tongue.]
- the water sports section.
- I didn't know you did water sports.
'Cause I'm going to the extreme water park today.
- Why don't you come? - Yeah, cool! You know, 'cause I'm so down with the ten hanging and whatnot.
[giggling.]
Yeah.
Chorus: [singing.]
Doofenshmirtz evil incorporated! A-ha! Consider yourself marked down! Handy little shopping device, isn't it? Anyway, you're gonna love this segue, Perry the platypus.
All of my broken inator parts were messing up the Feng Shui of my apartment.
Thanks, Larry.
My Feng Shui consultant.
To keep my Chi in balance, I came up with this.
Behold! The Back-to-the-store-inator! Now instead of waiting in those ridiculously long lines at the return counter, I scan each item and presto! It's transported back to the store where I bought it! Ow.
And here's the best part, Perry the platypus.
I get a cash refund deposited directly into my pockets.
No banking necessary.
[cash register dings.]
The only flaw is that the refund comes in pennies.
You know, sometimes I don't really think through the functionality of these things.
Jeremy: Wow, this place is intense! - You ready, Candace? - [stammering.]
Totally! [giggles nervously.]
Who in the world designed this? Couple kids, actually.
One had a triangle head.
Wait, what? Whoo-hoo! Phineas: [over speaker.]
Welcome, sports fans! We have a great game for you today! It's the most extreme batting experience ever! The game is simple.
Each level is worth 10 points.
The higher the level, the harder it gets! The first one to hit the target at the top wins! It's survival of the fittest, a test of wills! Only one contestant will survive! No, no, no, everyone will survive.
You're going down, dweeb! I will beat you.
It is a mathematical certainty.
It's extreme! It's extreme! I don't know how extreme it is.
It's, you know, big, but it is still just a batting cage.
Let's not oversell it.
Gentlemen, start your engines! No, no, they, they don't have engines.
Oh, oh, I guess Ferb Ferb has an engine.
Forgot about that.
It ain't mild or morate, safe or secure it ain'meek or mellow, docile or demure it ain't peaceful or placid, sedate or serene [whooping.]
[screaming.]
# what it is is ex, ex, ex # extremely extreme conclusively, decidedly, exactly, for sure precisely, emphatically and definitely unconventionally and unambiguously ex, ex, ex extremely extreme extremely extreme [Candace groans.]
[cell phone ringing.]
- Uh, hello? - Candace, I've been waiting at the checkout line for a half hour! - Where are you? - I'm at the extreme water park with Jeremy.
What? And it never occurred to you to let me know? - Candace: Sorry, Mom.
- Well, I expect you to be home by the time I get back to help put everything away.
Yes, Mom.
[groans.]
- Wanna go again? - I gotta go home.
Ah! Very resourceful, Perry the platypus! Using coupons to cut prices! [stammering.]
Wait! Not my baseball card collection! Oh! Yes! I told you genies were real, Sheila! Wherever you are.
Aw, man.
You have no idea how much that was worth! [cash register dings.]
Although judging by the jingle Ow.
[bell ringing.]
Buford and Baljeet are tied! And Buford steps up to the batter's box! Folks, you can cut the tension with a child-safe knife! Phineas: Here comes the pitch.
Yes! Looking good! Looking great! Looking fantastic! Isabella: Denied! Ugh.
Baljeet eyes up the target as he steps to the plate.
Ready himself for the pitch.
And Wow! - What a trajectory! - Isabella: But not enough power! Phineas: A disappointed Baljeet walks away.
Oh, it looks like this game could go into sudden death.
- It could just be a tie.
- No! Sudden death! [beam zapping.]
Aw, man! Not my new flat screen! Hey, no way! I paid way more for that TV! [pennies jingling.]
Ow! Ow! Carl: I would like to return this electric razor.
Are you sure you read the instructions, Carl? And you're showing me boring math equations why? Buford, these equations show that if we combine your brawn with my brains we can conquer the final target together! Do my ears deceive me? Are you saying we should work together? I know! My ears cannot believe it either.
Jeremy: Looks like we made it back before your mom.
Yeah, sorry to have to rush [gasps.]
I knew Phineas and Ferb were up to something! [car honking.]
Mom's here! Just in time to bust the boys! - Mom! - Don't poke the bear, Candace.
- You're in enough trouble as it is.
- But, Mom Now let's take these inside before the frozens turn into Oh, shoot, I must've left the other bag at the store.
Mom! Just turn your head and look up! [car driving away.]
But But But But it's right there - Are those batting cages? - Come on, Jeremy.
There's still a chance to bust them.
- This better work, dweeb.
- Just follow the trajectory I plotted out and I promise we will hit the final target! - We can do this! - Optimism makes my angry.
- Baljeet: Use it! - Phineas: Here comes the pitch! Isabella: Whoa, it's coming at the big one! Folks, it's the power hit of the evening! But is it good? [all bells ringing.]
- Phineas: It's good! - Isabella: Whoo! Yeah! [all cheering.]
Both: Ah! - Ooh! - Both: Aw.
[growling.]
Aw, you'll bust 'em next time, tiger.
Doofenshmirtz: You know, chasing's not much of an option with my pants full of pennies! Ah, well, live and learn.
At least, you hit my clothes and not me.
I wonder what happens if a person Drusselstein! Hmm.
Curse you, Perry the platypus and my wretched, wretched life.
Wow! Way to go, guys.
I guess we can work together after all.
- I hate to say you're right.
So I won't.
- Fair enough.
[chattering.]
Oh, there you are, Perry! Safe at home.
[chattering.]
- And what a waste.
- Hey, the day's not a total loss.
We had a great time at the water park.
- Wanna go back tomorrow? - Uh, I have a confession to make.
The only reason I said I liked extreme sports was because I was embarrassed that you caught me buying all that hygiene stuff for myself.
Aw, nothing you do could be that embarrassing.
Oh, Jeremy.
[farts.]
Candace? Was that you? It's a normal bodily function, Jeremy.
Get over it.
Wait, wait, I thought it was cute! Hi, Mom.
Stacy and I are gonna have lunch here at the mall.
- So we'll be hanging out a little longer.
- I thought you probably would.
Candace: Are the boys doing anything bustable yet? Not yet.
Although, they are trying to figure out how they can both use the push broom at the same time.
Candace: Okay, keep me posted.
Hey, Mom.
We're going down to the park to fly our kites.
You guys want a ride or something? I thought you had to meet with those landscaper guys.
Oh right! I forgot! [reading.]
Chorus: # Du Bois landscape artists # Also, that's yesterday's paper.
I thought the city council was getting a little redundant.
[car honking.]
[in British accent.]
Hello.
I'm Pierre Du Bois, one-day landscape artist.
Hi.
Oh, it's not [pronouncing in French.]
Du Bois? No.
It's just like it's spelled.
It's French.
Chorus: # Du Bois landscape artists # it's just like it's spelled, it's French Except Floraine ain't French.
He's from Dutch.
[speaking Dutch.]
That's Dutch for, "it's nice to meet you.
" [chuckles.]
To my American ears, it almost sounded like, "where's Perry?" Chorus: # Perry! # [video game sounds.]
Ah, Agent P, special surveillance photos tell us that Doof has been outfitting his skiff with something large.
- It's hard to tell what it is - Sir, I looked out the window at this building just now and I saw the mysterious object was - actually a bucket.
A huge bucket - Carl! Why didn't we just look out the window in the first place? - I don't know, sir.
- Doggone it, Carl.
We can't keep wasting our funds like this.
Well anyway, Agent P, I guess you can go over there and see what he's gonna do with that large bucket.
- Carl: Is he gone? - Yeah, come on.
Let's go to Vegas.
Hey, Baljeet! Check this out.
It's a kite, but it totally looks like a pirate ship.
That is very nice.
Have you seen my kite? Whoa! Is there even gonna be enough wind for something like that? There should be, with Phineas's wind amplification device.
So, how does this work again? You start by blowing a bit of wind into the intake funnel.
[inhales, blows.]
[bubbling.]
Then we add super cold liquid nitrogen to cool things down, cold air sinks, until it starts to warm back up again.
And that's when we heat it up with a giant blowtorch.
And then as it accelarates, it sucks up more air volume and eventually blows it out of an acceleration cone.
[bird screams.]
But that was just one big puff of air.
How can we fly kites like that? Simple.
Irving has volunteered to keep puffing air into the intake.
I've been eating mint all morning.
You know, so it won't be stinky.
That's very thoughtful of you, Irving.
I didn't really do it for you.
So, here's the yard.
I want something nice out here.
I think you know what to do.
You are the landscapers, after all.
[speaking Dutch.]
Actually, we're landscape artists.
Do I need to show you the car door again? - Chorus: # Du Bois landsca # - No, no, it's fine.
I'll be inside if you need me.
[speaking Dutch.]
No, I didn't get the money up-front.
Is everyone's kite ready? - Baljeet: All set.
- Isabella and Buford: Ready.
- Okay, Irving, let her rip.
- Roger, wilco! [inhales, blows.]
- Isabella: It's working.
- Buford: Wow! Minty! Ahoy and avast, ye swarthy dogs! Wow, Buford, you look like a real pirate.
That's nothing.
Watch this.
Fire! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Hey, Phineas! Watch this, I'm jumping clouds! Whee! That's awesome, Isabella! Watch this.
Now I'm in a car.
[bird screeching.]
Enjoy your little welcome to Danville luncheon, ladies! For soon, Grulinda, you shall taste the wrath of my Perry the platypus! Oh, before I forget, I got you a little lair-warming gift.
[laughs.]
You fell for the old "spring-loaded cable trap hidden in a ring box" trick.
What? That That's a thing.
Obviously.
But I bet you're wondering why I'm spying on a garden party.
Okay, maybe you're not wondering, but I'm going to tell you anyway.
Doofenshmirtz: It all started when I was a child back in Drusselstein, there was this mean girl named Grulinda.
Every day she would pour water on my head.
[cackling.]
Ow! - No matter where I was - Ow! [cackling.]
or what I was doing [cackling.]
Ow! Stop throwing water on me! [father speaking German.]
But, by some wonderful twist of fate, she has moved here to Danville.
See? "Grulinda Boubenweir moves to Danville.
"Party to be held in her honor at Danville park.
" And the party just started.
I don't know how they got this picture in the magazine so quick.
Eh, guess they're trying to compete with the internet.
But I digress.
I can finally have my revenge with this! The sogg-inator! [laughing.]
Now, I will fly over her party and douse her with a lifetime of soggy humiliation! What? Oh, you think that it's petty that I've held on to this grudge for so long.
Well, well, it's not petty.
It's not.
It's evil or something.
It's not petty.
Okay, guys.
I'm dying to see what you - [cat yowling.]
What is that? - Well, it's not finished yet, but it's a juxtaposition of the irrigated world of the suburban lawn and the dryness of the natural summer environment.
A water bucket dumping desert cacti.
Honeysuckle basket, wheat grass handle, extra spikey barrel cacti in place of the water.
That looked That's [grunts.]
[speaking Dutch.]
Not to worry.
Great art always takes time before it's accepted.
[phone ringing.]
Hello? Mom.
I need you to go into my closet and tell me whether Candace, I Look, call me back in a few minutes.
- I'm a little ticked off right now.
- What happened? Du Bois have made a huge mess in the yard.
They've ripped up the lawn, there's a giant bucket and a bunch of cactuses.
I'm so mad! I gotta go.
Candace, what's wrong? It's the boys.
[softly.]
They're busted.
I don't believe it, Stacy the moment is here my brothers are busted put it on the blogosphere I've been vindicated there's no more to discuss I did not anticipate it it's a straight-up bust it's a straight-up bust say it all over town things are lookin' up because my brothers went down it's a brand new day may take a while to adjust and it makes me wanna say, "everybody, it's a straight-up bust!" Doofenshmirtz: We should be over Grulinda's party any minute.
Then it's soggy revenge time! Whoa! It's windy up here.
If that keeps up, I won't have enough water to dump on her.
[banging.]
What? Did you hear that? [inhales, blows.]
[drop.]
Uh-oh.
All: Whoa! - Isabella: It's getting a little rainy.
- Buford: A little? - Looks like we'd better climb down.
- Just remember, Baljeet, the captain always goes down with the ship.
Oh, boy, a promotion! Hey! All: Whee! What's that noise? [screams.]
What the heck, man? You've been dumping out my water? Well, this had better not be empty.
Pierre: Okay, Linda, I know you're gonna love this.
This is the irrigation wheel.
Each section represents a different section of the garden.
It's a comment on the capricious nature of our existence.
Some get water and live, others go dry and die.
This is ridiculous.
I don't want to end up with a yard full of dead plants! [speaking Dutch.]
- What did he say? - He said, "great art takes time!" in Dutch.
Hey, what are you Oh! Hey, watch the ailerons.
Whoa! [crashing.]
[yelps.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa! [screaming.]
[continues screaming.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, you! [growls.]
I almost dumped a giant bucket of water on you and your party but then there was this whole mishap with a platypus But I will get you next time.
Revenge is a dish best served soggy, Grulinda! - Uh, Grulinda's over there, bub.
- Oh, you're not [clears throat.]
- All right, Gru - Wait, is that hold on one second.
[gasps.]
Soggybottom Heinz Doofenshmirtz! It is you! Wow, you've changed.
You used to be so You know, what's the polite way to say it? You know, like this one.
[whispers.]
Ugly.
Oh-ho, you're on my list now, buddy.
- So, why are you being so nice to me? - Nice? I don't understand.
You picked on me all through grade school.
[laughs.]
I poured all that water on you because I liked you.
Really? Well, I guess you must have liked me a lot, 'cause there was a lot of, you know, water.
I've got more time to play and this is totally a straight-up my life's a big buffet and this is totally a straight-up I know this sounds cliche but this totally a straight-up bust Wait, what am I doing? Stacy, get me off of this thing.
I need to see what boys have done.
She holds the thorns, which symbolize the hardships of being a mom.
And she holds pink jasmine, which symbolizes the joy of children.
This is the most sweet and adorable thing I've ever seen.
"Sweet and adorable"? She's mocking us! [speaking Dutch.]
It is so good to see you after all these years.
Just look at you.
Oh, come here my little soggybottom.
- [stammering.]
Yeah, well, you hug now? - Oh, why are you all wet? [chuckles.]
Funny thing, I was flying over your party with a giant bucket of water and this platypus hit me with a Why were you flying over my party with a big bucket of water? - He was gonna dump it on you for revenge.
- Okay, now you're on my list! - Revenge? For what? - Well, you know, you did dump water - on me when we were little - Heinz, I was eight! Have you been holding this petty grudge all these years? [stammering.]
Well, no, it's not petty.
I was explaining to the platypus earlier.
It's not petty exactly Well, here you go, I pour water on your head! [groans.]
Wait, was that for the vengeance thing, or do you still like me? Yeah, it was for the vengeance thing.
[clank.]
Tell me! What did the boys do in the backyard? - How much trouble are they in? - Well, at first I thought Du Bois were the world's worst landscapers, - but they're growing on me.
- Landscapers? Yeah, here, let me show you.
So, I figure we can attach the seat right here.
Here they are, mom.
- Show me what they did.
- What did who do? Whoa! Wait! Where did it all go? - [humorlessly.]
Ha, ha.
- How is that even possible? - Very funny, Mom.
- It was all here just a second ago.
I have never been so insulted in my life! She called it sweet and adorable.
[speaking Dutch.]
By the way, Floraine, I have no idea what you're saying.
Would you rather I spoke in English? Well, yeah, now that you mention it.
Yes.
I don't believe it, Stacy, the moment is here my brothers are busted put it on the blogosphere I've been vindicated there's no more to discuss I did not anticipate it it's a straight-up bust it's a straight-up bust say it all over town things are lookin' up because my brothers went down it's a brand new day may take a while to adjust and it makes me wanna say, "everybody, it's a straight-up bust!"