Psych s04e01 Episode Script

That was your teacher.
Apparently, you were the only one who didn't turn in his art assignment.
So there's going to be an empty space on the wall at open house tonight.
Actually, dad, I'm pretty sure I did finish it.
It sounds to me like it was stolen.
So somebody breaks into the school, and the only thing they steal is your painting? Why's that? Because it's the perfect crime.
Sit.
Shawn, there is no such thing as a perfect crime.
We leave in 45 minutes.
Make something pretty.
Is your hair starting its own cult? Trying to do a performance review here.
I thank you not to bother us.
That seems like a strange thing to thank me for, but you're welcome, of course.
And now, as a show of gratitude, how about a little advance on our next case? You're not an actual employee of the police department.
Define "actual", wait, define "police", wait I'm not giving you an advance on a case that may or may not happen in the future.
Perhaps I know something you don't.
Let's be honest.
It's not like crime is going to suddenly stop, is it, Gus? Seems very unlikely.
- Out.
- So that's a no on the advance.
Pardon me for asking the obvious question, but how are you out of money? You have no possessions and no expenses.
- That's mostly true.
- That's completely true.
But Gus and I also have a big ski vacation planned.
Ski vacation? Mr.
Spencer, it's the middle of summer.
Where are you gonna find snow at this time of year? - Are we ever gonna start skiing? - Soon as I finish this hot chocolate.
- Why don't you just throw it out? - I would, but this hot cocoa represents the end of our vacation money.
How are we out of cash? We've only been here four hours.
The American dollar was not as strong as I anticipated, Gus.
Which is why I had to put the whole thing on a credit card.
You don't have a credit card.
I said a credit card, not my credit card.
It's your card.
That's why I'm being so aggressive about getting the money to pay you back.
See that? A month ago I would've had us styled up with those girls tonight.
- What? - But I'm spoken for now.
I have Abigail, and she has me.
You have been talking about her this whole time.
- Why didn't you bring her on this trip? - Gus, you are my best friend.
Because I've entered into some newfangled relationship does not mean that our guy time goes by the wayside.
You know, if you're gonna keep staring at girls, you can't preach about how committed you are to Abigail.
All right, first of all, the person I'm staring at is a man.
He's handsome dimples, brooding eyebrows But a man nonetheless, and I know that guy.
You don't know that guy.
I think he's wearing $10,000 skis.
- All you own is that hot chocolate.
- I've seen this guy before.
I can't place where.
Well, I can play too! I need you to like me.
He arrested Ernesto Ramon Chavez.
Dude.
You remember when we were in Lassie's apartment - and we saw his wall of suspects? - When Lassiter killed that guy? He didn't.
We got him exonerated.
I got punched and pistol-whipped.
I'm still not sure he didn't kill that guy.
What does the name Pierre "Des per-ea-eux mean to you? Are you in my apartment? I haven't snuck into your apartment in weeks.
We're all out of peanut butter.
Whatever you're up to, just stop.
No need for a psychic with an art thief.
- He's an art thief? - No way.
A dangerous art thief, right? Never been caught, never left enough evidence to be accused.
Cut to the chase.
What kind of reward have we for catching this guy? - Or an advance for catching him.
- Or a finder's fee.
- I'm looking right at him.
- You don't do anything.
You have no jurisdiction up there.
You have no jurisdiction anywhere, especially in Canada.
- You're not thinking the thing through.
- You're right.
With the exchange rates.
- We won't get the check right away.
- Ask about taxes.
Listen.
Despereaux is mine.
I absolutely forbid you to do anything.
Sorry, too late.
It's time for us to catch a thief.
So what do we do now? Do we call the authorities? We make sure it's Despereaux.
And I have an ingenious plan to smoke him out.
Sounds good.
- That was your plan? - Let's go! Turn, turn, turn! I think we should've taken that second ski lesson.
We're doing great! Remember what the instructor said.
Pizza slices to slow down.
French fries to speed up.
We got him.
There's only one move we can't follow.
What's that? He just made it.
- The slow, gentle turn? - That was it.
You know what this means.
That we suck at skiing? It means that this hot chocolate just became a write-off.
Psych 401 "Extradition British Columbia" Timing: Psych Team What did this fellow's name was again? Pierre Despereaux.
It's 11 "o"s, I believe.
Pierre Despereaux.
E-a-u-x.
Thefts in London, Belgium, Switzerland, South Africa.
Where'd you came across him again? Ultimately we cornered him at a resort up in Whistler, but first, I sensed his presence here in your country.
I don't follow.
Just one second, please.
Are you sure you want to do this? Have a little faith.
I've done it once.
I can do it again.
- We are in a foreign land.
- Not really.
- We went through immigration.
- Why you gotta question everything Here's the thing, Robert.
The thing is this.
I am a psychic.
We work for the Santa Barbara police department.
We've solved over 47 cases.
I'm also a pharmaceutical rep, if that means anything to you.
- You've seen The mentalist, right? - Yes.
- It's like that.
- Except that guy's a fake.
If I was a fake psychic, it would be eerily similar.
- Exactly the same.
- A virtual carbon copy.
Okay, well, now, Mr.
Spencer, you seem like a nice enough guy, but you should know that there are many here at the R.
C.
M.
P.
that would be a little more skeptical of these alternative methods than you're probably used to in the States.
- What's he doing? - He's having a psychic episode.
- It's a bit off-putting.
- You get used to it.
Hey, biking to work.
I like it.
It's great for the environment.
I live a kilometer away, but, yeah, actually.
It's cleaner.
Hey, you.
How's the little guy? Is he walking yet? Barely.
He just turned one.
Do I know you? Robert, give me your mitts.
I'm sensing that you have a lot of really good ideas, but that nobody around here seems to want to listen.
Stay the course, buddy.
You'll have your day.
I'm getting Ed.
I am getting Ed.
You gotta be more careful, Shawn.
This boss comes out, it's make or break.
No more wild guesses.
Get your socks ready, Gus, 'cause I'm about to knock them off.
What you got? - I got nothing.
You? - Nothing.
- I got it.
- No, you don't.
- Yes.
- It's obvious - Don't tell me, don't tell me.
- Shut up! So, you work as a psych You wouldn't by chance be celebrating a birthday anniversary any time soon, would you? - You kidding me? - Yes.
That's amazing.
My birthday's today.
How'd you know that? It's all right here.
Hello there, constable.
This is deputy commissioner Ed Dykstra with the Vancouver R.
C.
M.
P.
office, and I'm here with a couple fellas you work for, and they have some psychic information about a Pierre Despereaux.
- You familiar with him? - Familiar? I've been tracking that man for 6 years.
I'm the closest anyone's ever gotten to catching him.
That's terrific.
If you could just send up those files, detective Spencer and I would be much obliged.
Detective? Are you kidding me? Despereaux is not to be messed with.
Check with Interpol.
He's cunning and dangerous.
And if he is up there, you will need my expertise on this.
I know all his patterns.
I want to be made a full partner on this.
I think that's something you better run by your superior here.
- I don't want - Hey there, buddy.
Spencer, you listen to me, and you listen good.
You do not touch Despereaux.
Wait for me.
I'll be on the next flight.
I sure would love to see you too, but don't you think you should focus on your case load? I don't think the chief's going to approve this.
I have 325 days of unused vacation time.
I will see you in five hours.
Chief, little favor to ask.
Do you believe that? A high-ranking member of the U.
S.
law enforcement not being allowed to carry his weapon on him? Did you really think it wouldn't set off the metal detector? I've got to get my hands on a gun.
I have enemies everywhere.
- Maybe I can pick one up at the hotel.
- Absolutely.
Right downstairs in the gift shop.
They have kleenex, mixed nuts, and 9-millimeter lugers.
- Thanks for letting me use your miles.
- Thanks for bringing me along.
Otherwise, you wouldn't let me use your miles.
It was really sweet.
What? See taxi to False Creek.
We're not here on a sightseeing mission.
We are here on official business! Got you.
It is business.
Looks like Despereaux already made his first strike.
It's a crime scene.
Can I help you? Listen, Dudley, I'm detective Lassiter and this is my partner, O'Hara.
We're from the SPBD.
You work for Mr.
Shawn Spencer.
Sorry.
So sorry.
I've been instructed not to let anyone in without checking with head detective Spencer first.
- This is a joke, right? - Brace yourself, guys.
He never steals a single item.
It's always, always multiples.
That's directly from my report Spencer! Don't interrupt the head detective when he's working.
The ions are specifically concentrated here and here.
Crime ions.
Write that down.
- This is Mr.
Lassiter - Detective.
And his partner, Juliet O'Hara.
They are from Santa Barbara.
Welcome aboard.
Glad you made it okay.
You look normal and stuff.
I got nothing.
This is Mr.
Stockwell, owner of the necklace in question.
Well, Mr.
Stockwell.
May I call you Gibby? - My first name is Randolph.
- I've heard it both ways.
How's he doing? - He's been better.
- Let me start by saying, let us not cry over spilled syrup.
Honestly, it's a little silly for a man of your stature to wear a necklace like this.
- What are you talking about? - The necklace is an authentic Edwardian baroque caliber-cut piece.
It has never touched human skin.
It is worth $3.
5 million.
What are we talking? Canadian dollars? He stole something else too.
He stole a painting.
Ed, he's better than I thought, I'm afraid.
I sold that painting two weeks ago.
If I may, I'd like to determine whether this was actually the work of Despereaux.
Now, I assume you found no alarms tripped? - No prints? - No, none But we did find a burning cigarette in the ashtray over there.
And Mr.
Stockwell is not a smoker.
- A merchanteuse blonde? - Blonde? Where's the blonde? I'll need to read her immediately.
It's a blonde filtered cigarette.
Merchanteuse.
It's french.
Despereaux always leaves one burning as his signature.
The only photographic of Despereaux is extremely any chance take of wondering Despereaux always comes in and out of town undetected, with an army of aliases, usually of an artist.
Pardon me! If everyone would like to join to the roof, the psychic criminal-catching portion of the day is about to begin.
Everyone, please stay where you are.
He does this all the time.
Mildly impressive that you found me here.
You two are making a marked improvement from your harlequinade antics on the slopes.
In my defense, I have two left knees.
You know what's more impressive? In about 15 seconds, you're gonna see a fierce, albeit gunless, American detective, his striking snow bunny partner, which I mean nothing salacious by, and half the R.
C.
M.
P.
are gonna storm this roof and take you down.
Wait for it I'd love to.
But I really have to go.
Where do you think you're going? To my room.
Now it's your turn to wait for it.
Clearly, that was more impressive.
I am telling you, he was here.
He was right here.
And he jumped off.
From a handstand! It wasn't from a handstand, he just - He jumped off normal style.
- He jumped off a 26-story building? Somebody was just spotted coming out of the service elevator.
We didn't have a man? Because you asked everyone to come up here.
- You know, because of Shawn.
- It doesn't matter.
It's not him.
We just saw Despereaux leap from this building! - He was wearing a flying suit.
- We don't know that.
Guys! Look, I just want you to know that I believe you.
Completely.
Except for the jumping off the building part.
Mackintosh! We looked like idiots.
Gus, we have to regroup.
And we need to eat.
Shawn, this place seems a little - Exclusive? - Dark.
Cozy.
Romantic.
A little sexy.
First of all, you say those words like they're bad things.
Secondly, do you know how hard it is to get a reservation at this place? You have to call, like, a month in advance.
You invited me on this trip on Friday.
- When did you call? - It's irrelevant.
What matters Dude.
Dude! There he is.
He's sitting right there.
What do we do? Do we call the cops? What if he sees us? - He sees us.
- How do you know? - He's waving us over.
- My gosh, he is.
- We shouldn't go over there.
- Right, right.
We found you.
So looks like we win.
I am neither known nor wanted in this country.
At best, I'm a person of interest in the places I do my work.
Such is the curse of my talent.
So since I have taken the time to find you, please, don't spoil it with rudeness.
Have a seat.
Thank you.
You know, I've I've enjoyed our sparring so far.
The look on your faces when I jumped from that building was amusing.
But I'd be remiss if I didn't inform you that you're way out of your league.
The simple fact is, you'll never catch me.
It's impossible.
Which makes what should be an exciting life somewhat pedestrian.
I'll tell you what.
To make this more interesting for me, I'm going to write down everything that I'm going to do.
Sometime tomorrow, I'm going to steal a Manet.
And then I'm going to make you look foolish again.
And then the next day, I'm going to treat myself like a king.
Here's what I'm going to do.
First, I'm gonna get some of that maple candy that everybody seems to be raving about.
Then I'm going to purchase myself a walking stick.
Preferably something with a ram's head carved into the handle.
And finally, we're going to catch ourselves an international art thief.
I'm not saying for sure it's going to be you.
But right now you're at the top of the list.
Are you writing on our cloth napkins? It's not my fault.
You guys should have some sort of notepad system, like next to pay phones, they have a little pad that you I just don't understand why anyone would want to do that.
Unless you're animals, of course.
Animals? What is that? You know what that is? Where did he go? He disappeared again? I believe so.
Unless he's hiding under the table, in which case this conversation would be embarrassing.
No, I'm afraid we fell for the flaming baked Alaska diversion trick again.
So what are we supposed to do? You gonna pretend like you got the info about the Manet psychically? Please, Gus.
That's cheap and easy.
Give me some credit.
We don't know why he just handed this information over to us.
We'll do what any reasonable detective would do.
What? I see a man net.
I see the painter John Manet.
Edouard.
Where in town might one find an - Edouard Manet.
- What he said.
Because I believe that Despereaux is gonna try and steal one tonight.
How clear are you on this? It's as if he wrote it on a piece of paper and put it in my hand.
You sure this is the only Manet? There's not a single one at a gallery in town.
I took the initiative of making a book of all the things of value that Despereaux might hit.
I even used my bind-it-all.
Not a manet on the list.
But then your girl detective there, she did a little more digging and found this.
This is William Charles Pulver's boat.
Yacht.
Yacht.
- He's a billionaire.
- Millionaire.
Former billionaire, now millionaire, living off of his yacht.
Has an extensive art collection.
He sailed into town yesterday.
He has a late-period Manet hanging over the piano in his state room.
What exactly are you wearing? What? You look like Julie Christie in Doctor Zhivago.
I get cold, okay? - I grew up in a subtropical climate.
- No, I didn't mean it I think it's, you know, I mean I think it looks nice.
What is the matter with you? - I don't know.
We can still talk as friends.
- I know that.
- All right, I can't do this.
Spencer, you've got to find me a weapon of some sort.
I don't care if it's a cane with a blow dart in it.
- If this thing goes down - We're waiting for a single man to enter an empty boat.
Which may require deadly force.
Shawn, I gotta pee.
- I told you to go back at the hotel.
- I couldn't.
I got freaked out.
There were rose petals everywhere.
All over the toilet.
Why would they do that? It's weird.
It's not weird.
It's wonderful.
- Did you see that? - What? I saw something.
It's a shadow.
It's a person.
- What is he doing out here? - He's definitely packing heat.
- That makes one of you.
- Shut up, Guster.
- Let's all just think this through.
- There is a man and a shadow on the dock.
- A man and a shadow down on the dock.
- Tell them not to approach.
Don't approach.
- Don't approach the man or the shadow.
- They're approaching! False alarm.
It is a false alarm.
This is not our perp.
- Everybody back to - It's too late.
He took it already.
That's definitely not a Manet.
So he pretty much told us exactly what he was going to steal, where he was gonna steal it from, when he was gonna be there, we couldn't catch him.
I mean, how good is this guy, Gus? Why are we on this carriage ride? You don't find it oddly romantic? What? No.
Not at all.
What better way for a couple best buddies to take in the stars, some cool, crisp Canadian air? Maybe solve an art theft.
So just let me know when you want me to head to the kissing bridge.
- Wait a minute.
- What? Wait a Now it all makes sense.
This whole thing.
The rose petals on the bed.
The reservation at the bistro.
Now this carriage ride.
This whole trip.
It was all planned as a romantic week for you and Abigail.
All right.
I admit it.
The dates for her teacher's conference changed quite unexpectedly.
That's why you asked me at the last minute.
I was an afterthought? Don't get caught up in the minutiae of trip planning.
That's it.
You deceived me, Shawn.
I'm done with this.
I'm finished.
We need to figure out what his next move is.
Besides, you do not wanna get out of this carriage.
It's freezing.
It's dark out here.
And there are most likely raccoons everywhere.
I'm staying here.
You are getting out.
My credit card paid for this ride, and I'm taking it, just not with you.
But good luck figuring out this case.
What are you Stop it! At least leave me the blanket! Hello, raccoons.
I know you're watching me.
I don't blame you.
I'd be doing the same thing if I was you.
I mean, who am I? Some mysterious biped infiltrating your natural habitat.
I know you don't mean to scare me with your beady little yellow eyes that glow like the devil.
Let's do a list we'll do a list of famous raccoons.
Meeko from Pocahontas.
Check.
Rocky Raccoon.
Judges, good reading on Rocky Ra Where do you think you're going? To my room.
Okay, you little masked night bandits.
I gotta go.
I think I know where Despereaux is.
But you're probably not interested.
Well, it's Maybe a couple of you are.
More so than More so than the others.
Hello, Bertrand.
- Yes, sir.
How may I help you? - I seem to have misplaced my card key.
I'd be happy to replace your key.
I just need your name.
Pierre Despereaux.
I'm sorry, there's no one by that name registered here.
Despereaux always comes in and out of town undetected with an army of aliases, usually of an artist.
Here's the thing.
I register under lots of different names in order to protect my privacy, so why don't we try "John Van Gogh".
Nothing? Jacques Hockneystine? "Stein.
" I'm not sure what shenanigans you're up to, but I don't like it, I don't appreciate it.
It might've been Edgar Degas.
That name is here.
- Do you think I could - I'm so sorry about this.
My assistant makes all the reservations.
She's been under heavy medication.
She was recently diagnosed with parvo.
Isn't that a dog's disease? Yes.
Yes it is.
My assistant is a golden retriever.
Adorable, but dim.
Her whole keyboard is just three big buttons.
She has very large paws.
Should've fired her years ago, but she's a rescue, and I just didn't have the heart.
Gus, guess where I am right now? I'm in Despereaux's room right now.
No, I'm not kidding.
I'm gonna rifle through all of this stuff, and I'm totally gonna pull a J.
Turturro from Miller's crossing on him.
And then we'll get some sundaes.
I'm just gonna sit here quietly, wait for him to get back, and then I'm gonna click on the lamp.
Scare the gingersnaps out of him.
What.
No, I don't remember how that movie ends, why? That's a "negativo" on the sundaes, buddy.
I repeat, negative on the sundaes.
So.
So This is your room? This is embarrassing, isn't it? I mean, it's a real rattlesnake of a misunderstanding.
It's amazing how much this place looks just like the room that Gus and I have over at the Captain Vancouver do-right inn.
Sit.
I never was a fan of Miller's crossing.
Too much gore and violence.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I appreciate a good murder.
But why does it have to be so messy? Where's the elegance? The grace? People don't kill people with panache anymore.
I wish I could stay and chat with you, but I'm getting ready to press on.
There wouldn't happen to be a Manet in that suitcase by any chance, would there? You know, you should keep at this detective business.
You have the hair for it, and that's half the battle.
What? You thought my Marco Ciccone loafers were a gun? Maybe.
This is my gun, you see? A gentleman of leisure never packs his weapon next to his socks.
It's uncouth.
What, you think I'm going to kill you? You're right.
Not yet, anyway.
I have to be pushed very hard to get into that kind of business.
Number one, it's messy.
And I have to spend one more night here.
Number two, you have nothing on me but your word.
Your very shaky, very suspect word.
Therefore, you pose absolutely no threat to me whatsoever.
I do have to thank you, though.
You have been very useful for me.
My pleasure.
And now, if you don't mind I don't even know how to respond.
I'm both relieved and offended at the same time.
But I know when I'm beat.
One more thing.
What day is today? Sunday.
That's what I thought.
I don't want to hear it anymore.
I am telling you, he is done.
- He is heading for the border.
- Listen.
It's not Molson time just yet.
- He's gonna steal one more thing.
- So what? - I don't know.
- Where is it? I don't have a completely clear picture on that, but I am honing.
I am a honer.
There is a small jet waiting at a private airfield just over the border in Blaine, Washington, registered to one of his aliases.
Barry Picasso? It's scheduled to take off in 4 hours.
We plan on being there.
Here's the thing.
I actually spoke with him last night.
What do you mean, you spoke with him? I had a vision, wherein we we spoke.
See, he had a vision.
What exactly was he doing in this vision? Packing.
- Of course, because he's leaving town! - Wrong, because he wanted me to think he was leaving town.
It was all a show for my benefit.
There is no way this guy would leave town with out his dry cleaning, and that does not get delivered until Tuesday.
Trust me, he cares just as much about his pants as he does about thievery.
So let me get this straight, Despereaux comes to you in a vision to fake doing something? I do have to thank you, though.
You have been very useful for me.
I was a smokescreen.
He used me as a smokescreen.
I'm sorry, Shawn, but this is a really good lead.
Wait, wait, guys! Don't you at least want to hear my plan? It could be good! You don't know.
What? - I want to see your book.
- My book? With things that Despereaux might steal.
- Nobody ever wants to see my book.
- I do.
I want to see the book.
I'm also going to eat these waffles.
I gotta hand it to you, Mackintosh.
The binding on this thing is impressive.
The presentation, I mean Just outstanding.
And then the next day I'm going to treat myself like a king.
He told me everything.
That clever bastard.
Who? What can you tell me about the buschlen mowatt gallery in Yaletown? I know quite a bit, actually.
What in particular? The security system.
Government issue.
I was on the team that installed it and set it up.
That's fortuitous.
Can it be set down? I have a shot at redemption for you.
For recognition.
But it's going to be dangerous.
And we're gonna need Gus.
Are you in? Wait before you answer that.
Are you a fan of solving crimes? That's my man.
- That's him.
- That's who? That's the gallery owner.
He's the last one out.
That means it's closed.
We can go inside.
- That's where the crown is.
- That was your plan? - To steal the crown? - No.
Absolutely not.
Don't be ridiculous.
Possibly move the crown at best.
But the point is to get to it first, before Despereaux.
Not only is this a felony of international proportions, but also, we are not art thieves.
What do you think this is for? Big apple, come in.
Are we good to go? Just about, Shawn.
Over.
See, Gus? It's not really breaking in if the actual cops help you break in, am I right? Do I need to explain the law to you? You can try, but It's probably not gonna make much of a difference.
So how do you plan on getting through this obstacle? Dude, I know you've seen Entrapment at least 26 times.
You have to do this.
You're twice as limber as C.
Zeta-Jones.
- Not happening.
- We don't have a lot of options here.
It's not like we can turn back.
Look, it's three lasers.
Plus, they're canadian lasers.
I'm gonna guide you through this.
Usain Bolt.
- Gus to the world.
- That's what i'm talkin' about! You got this.
That's it, buddy.
Now now lower your right shoulder just a little bit, like two inches.
Yeah, there you go.
That's your way in.
That's your gateway.
Arch your back.
Clear.
Watch your feet, watch your feet.
Okay, you're good.
Okay, all right.
This one's a little trickier.
Knee to chest.
Knee to chest! Now pivot about 30 degrees to your left.
Safe.
Dude, that's your safe haven.
Right hand green! Right hand green! That's twister, Shawn.
How come we don't play that anymore? Get your butt higher! Arch your back! Spread your cheeks if you can.
Scratch that.
Abort cheek spreading.
Pivot.
Pivot your body about 30 degrees.
Left, to the left.
You got it.
But what? - What are you doing? - I had Mackintosh disarm the lasers.
But I wanted to see how you would do it.
Now we know for the future that if we ever encounter this exact scenario, you are the man for the job.
What? There it is.
Where's the crown? It's in that metal box.
It closes when the gallery does.
Don't worry, Mackintosh disarmed this too.
This, my friend, is the easy part.
You said this was the easy part.
It's supposed to be the easy part! Don't I get any credit for planning this whole thing in less than two hours? No, you don't! The cops are gonna be here any second now.
They will not.
Man, stop playing.
There's nobody behind me.
- Shut up, Shawn.
- I'm not turning around.
Freeze! Dad! They arrested you too? I posted your bail.
It was more than I expected.
You owe me the difference plus the exchange rate.
Do you realize they charged me nine bucks for a nusmagazine? - And me? - You didn't bail out Gus? I gotta bail both of you out? And your dad? Shawn used my one call to vote for American Idol.
You didn't say anything about Gus.
I thought he had his own cash.
- Don't you have a credit card? - My CB is maxed out.
Dad, believe me, I've spoken to him about not overextending himself.
- Do you really think this is fun? - Stanley park was nice.
- You can't leave this country.
- Dad, do you understand? We had him.
But But what? - He was too good.
- Too good? - What'd I raise you to do? - It was literally the perfect crime.
The perfect crime? There is no such thing as a perfect crime.
Well then, it was as close as you can possibly get.
The only way it's close is if you make it look like the perfect crime.
Now, I'm gonna see if I can put Gus on my credit card.
In the meantime, I got a 4:00 salmon boat, and if I Miss that, this trip is a complete waste.
Big apple.
What is this? What happened? - Fired.
- Why? Really? Because of what happened down at the museum.
Man, I'm so sorry.
- This is partially my fault.
- Partially? It was your idea.
It probably would've just been a suspension, but then the crown ended up going missing - Say what? - You know? It was gone.
- When they opened the case.
- That's impossible.
No, when they opened the metal display case, the crown was missing.
Where's the crown? It's in that metal box.
It closes when the gallery does.
Dude, we watched the museum close.
We watched the thing close.
We never left the building.
The only way he could've taken it is if How? Is if he had had it all along.
I sold that painting two weeks ago.
- He's a billionaire.
- Millionaire.
Okay, former billionaire, now millionaire, living off his yacht.
I know why Despereaux never gets caught! Because he doesn't steal anything! - We gotta hurry.
- That's my helmet.
You have an impressive learning curve.
Thank you.
I also play the mandocello.
Not well.
But who else do you know who plays the mandocello? - I'm no longer amused.
- You almost had me.
The yacht and the high rise were just flawless.
But you left me too much time when you stole the crown.
And I covered all my bases.
Which means you didn't have time to steal the crown.
But then, you didn't have to, because the owner just handed it to you.
- I knew you were worthy.
- Worthy.
And very disappointed.
Really? I've been hiding back here for ten minutes.
I thought you were gonna give your speech from inside the plane.
- I'm seriously cramped back here.
- I'm about to drop the hammer on him.
Just flag down the stewardess.
Order a mojito.
Just call me when you're done.
Man, I thought you were so cool.
But you're just here to look the part.
This whole time, I'm thinking, "this guy is Thomas Crown.
" You're barely Remington Steele.
Which makes me, what, Laura Holt? You think a guy like me wants to be Stephanie Zimbalist? Maybe.
The items were handed to you one by one.
- That's him.
- That's who? That's the gallery owner.
He's the last one out.
The gallery owner had the crown when he left the gallery.
He was having money troubles.
As did the rest of your victims.
And you You're just the middleman.
You made it look like the items were being stolen.
Hence your calling card.
And always in a series, right? So it wouldn't call suspicion to an owner in financial peril who suddenly gets his Manet stolen? Insurance fraud.
Really? That is so lame.
- Do you even have a pilot's license? - I do.
But now I feel as though I have to hurt you, which saddens me.
I thought you were a master criminal.
The genius of my plan is in its simplicity.
Perhaps it's not as sexy as you believed.
But don't forget, I got away with it.
No, you didn't.
Bet you're not too happy to see me right about now, are you? I have absolutely no idea who you are.
Detective.
Thank you.
Your boss is really good.
We do not work for him.
It just seems that way sometimes.
I've often fantasized about escaping from prison, you know.
Don't you think it's odd that you're in a relationship now, yet you invite me to maybe the most romantic place on earth? Jules, listen.
I made these plans weeks ago.
And Gus refused to come on account he's a man.
And I'm a man.
Or some nonsense like that.
Look, I have a point.
It's this.
I refuse to feel uncomfortable around you.
It's silly.
You mean too much to me.
And I am perfectly capable of keeping this platonic as long as you are.
- Please.
I can.
- Well, I can too.
Great.
But how? So at least show me what you had planned for this perfect date.
Okay, but promise not to laugh.
You hired this guy? Technically, Gus did.
Would've lost our deposit.
He was supposed to be more discreet.
This is overkill, huh? Not if you're six.
A mime, though? Really, Shawn? I don't know, you don't really strike me as a mime guy.
The mime had nothing to do with me.
This mime is clearly working on his own.
- You seen enough? - More than.
- So abigail's into opera, huh? - No, not really.
Just robust italian men.
I didn't even know he sang, actually.
- Look at that bridge.
- Yeah, it's beautiful.
Little-known fact: - that bridge was built by wolves.
- Really?