Psych Episode Scripts

N/A - Shawn and the Real Girl

Welcome to Paths of Love.
I'm Hilton Fox.
This is the show where you get a second chance at a chance meeting.
Melinda, you're down to your last heart.
Who do you choose to protect it? I choose Todd.
Where Where's Todd? Oh, crap.
Where's Todd? Cut! Donna, where's Todd? Oh, come on.
Jay! Steve! Where's Todd? I don't understand.
What's going on? Look, all you have to do is line the people up in a row.
You want me to fix it? Look, watch this.
Take one white guy, put him in a suit along with the rest of the Backstreet Boys, boom! And you fall in love.
There we go.
Show done.
Could you take care of business, please? 'Cause every second is costing me money.
I hope Todd's okay.
Todd Kramer, Caucasian, 20s, was driving at an accelerated rate, lost control of his vehicle, flipped into the ditch, and is now in a coma.
A tragic yet totally avoidable accident.
However, not a crime.
Good morning, Lassie.
May I take a look at those photos? Come on, just a quick gander.
I'll trade you Gus' half-eaten cruller for a baby peek.
No, you won't.
Knock yourself out.
Ah! Give him the donut.
No.
It's your half cruller, that was the deal.
You can get a brand new donut I don't care.
I don't care.
Just give him the cruller! Do you see that? Salad dressing.
Brake fluid, Shawn.
Huh.
Lassie, I am sensing something very non-salad-y and very non-accident-y about these photos.
How desperate are you to make something out of nothing? Pretty desperate.
Well, yeah.
Pardon me.
My name is Steve Rollins, and I couldn't help but overhear you talking about the car accident.
And I think you're right.
I think there was foul play involved.
Really? Why is that? Well, the victim was a participant on a reality dating show that I'm directing.
Uh, these are only my own suspicions, mind you, but something is not right here.
And I had to come down here and tell someone.
Is there a detective I should talk to? You are in luck.
We're detectives.
Of the psychic variety.
My name is Shawn Spencer.
This is my partner, Larenz Tate.
That would be cool, but Burton Guster is the name.
If you guys want, you could come down to the set and I could tell you everything that I know.
Yes, that sounds like We'll be there.
Shawn? This guy Steve has worked on all six seasons of California Survivor Man.
He really knows his stuff.
Fantastic, I'll pitch him all my genius reality ideas.
No, no, Shawn.
Please don't.
All your ideas sound insane.
You must be out of your damn mind.
Punk My Mom.
The Girl With the Bear.
So You Think You Can Think You Can Dance.
Don't Touch That, It's Infected.
These are all slam dunks.
See, that's your problem right there, Shawn.
You're trying to make a mockery of reality TV.
These are the docu-dramas of our time.
Hey, fellows! Hey, you made it.
Damn right, we did.
All right, well, come on.
Come on, come with me.
Cool.
So, what is this show, Steve? It's called Paths of Love.
All the guys are men that the bachelorette could have had contact with.
You know, the local guy at her coffee house, a guy at the gym.
Hence the title, Paths of Love.
How does this dude know Melinda? Todd was a model whose face is on a billboard just outside Melinda's office.
I'm telling you guys, someone is after him.
I mean, this light almost fell on him while he was in the hot tub, and a loose balcony railing almost gave way while he was leaning on it.
Sounds like what you need is a good contractor, not a detective.
That's what I thought until I saw this.
Okay.
Something's going on here.
I'm getting freaked out.
There's people watching me.
I don't trust these guys.
Look, I know when a contestant is playing to the camera.
This guy seems legitimately freaked out.
And then his car goes off a cliff.
Shawn, you're a psychic.
You must sense something is going wrong here.
Perhaps, yes, but in order to know for sure I'll need to get closer.
Full access.
I need to touch, see, feel, pitch.
Pitch? Please don't.
Check this out.
Just go with me, okay? Guy shows up, knocks on a door, right? It's his big overnight date, you know? He's showered, he feels fresh, he feels good.
He's got something going on down here.
Door opens, boom, it's A bear, yeah.
The Japanese already tried that.
Too many people died.
What? Man, the Japanese ruin everything.
Guys, Jay gets pitched stuff 24I7.
I mean, look at There's a sample of everything that comes across his desk in a day.
"The Conjugal Midwife.
" "Man Versus Pneumonia.
" I need to get to the bottom of this.
Okay, but I can't have the creator of the show knowing.
He's not gonna dig having a couple of detectives snooping around, ruining his pet project.
No.
There's only one way Gus and I know how to investigate and go completely unnoticed.
We have not one, but two twists, and here they are.
Dr.
Shawn Womack and Burton Guster.
Who are those guys? Did you tell Jules about this? No.
No, I most certainly did not.
I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end Well, as it turns out I could have met Melinda a while back at Santa Barbara Mercy Hospital when she had her appendix removed.
I was one floor up, doing my surgical residency in Pulmonary matters.
I'm a heart surgeon, and sometimes brain.
But I am also the inventor of the hamburger candle.
Burton Guster, 35.
Pharmaceutical salesman.
I was married once.
But it was annulled.
So now I'm single and ready to see where this journey takes me.
Can I still choose Todd? Todd is in a coma.
I know.
Can I still choose him? Cut! Seriously? Cut! Cut! I'm gonna call cut 'cause, see, that's not supposed to happen, Rollins.
How did that happen? Uh, Jay, these are the two new contestants.
Right.
Didn't you get my email? The twist? Oh, the email that says that you're gonna replace him with someone dynamic.
Okay, my lead bachelor is in a coma.
A coma This is my money on the line, not yours.
This is who you replace him with? Hello, I'm Burton Guster.
I sell pharmaceuticals.
Oh, that's interesting.
What is going on, Steve? I don't get it.
I really don't understand.
I birthed this show, all right? This came from my loins, and no one's gonna screw this up! We're not gonna screw your loins.
I mean, it No, I don't think it's gonna happen.
Okay, Jay, Jay, just trust me, okay? Gus and Shawn are very, very colorful characters.
They're gonna make great TV.
Okay, they better make great TV.
Okay, because I sold this to NBC, right? NBC, they make classics like Friends and uh Uh Uh Uh Uh Their next runaway smash reality show about the crabbing industry called, wait for it, you wait for it, America's Got Crabs.
That's brilliant.
I like it.
There's something there.
You and I are gonna talk about that later, okay? Over a big baked potato.
I'm building an empire.
Everybody knows that.
And I'm taking everybody with me into the stratosphere.
Isn't that right, Hank? Yeah, I'm getting fitted for my spacesuit later today.
Everybody knows Hank.
Everybody knows him as the best cameraman in the world.
I also know him as the man who makes me lunch, huh? Mr.
Baked Potato.
Uh, excuse me just one second, my fellow bachelors and you and also you.
Shawn, what are you doing here? Um Gus and I are investigating Todd Kramer's car crash.
Why are you wearing a tie and a heart? I Why are you wearing hair? And shoes? What are you doing here? Turns out you were right, okay? The guy's car was tampered with.
You happy now? Todd's parents said he'd been at this address for the last two weeks, so we're here to talk to the owner, Jay Gianukos.
Let's go.
Uh, I don't think that's gonna be possible.
Look, I'll explain later, but for now, you don't know me and I'm very, very single, okay? You can't run off like that, Doctor.
Now, come on.
You're needed at the pool for the single mingle.
Copy that.
Doctor? Single mingle.
Based on Todd's testimonial, he was scared of somebody on the inside.
On the inside.
Yeah, which means probably a contestant, so let's go over there, talk to them, figure out which one of them has a motive.
Shawn, you don't get it.
They don't want to talk to you.
They're focused on Melinda.
The mingle is a make-it-or-break-it time when you can get noticed and plant seeds to get picked for a one-on-one date.
You got to have a moment.
Gus, nobody's having any moments, okay? We're here to investigate.
This isn't a competition.
Says the guy who's gonna get voted out first.
What? Listen, Shawn, I've been studying reality TV all my life for an opportunity just like this.
I'm in it to win it.
Yeah, well, I'm not.
Mostly because Jules would kill me.
I'm actually gonna have to try to lose.
Hello.
Hi.
Excuse me, Shawn, can I borrow you for a second? Uh, actually I'm in the middle of a conversation with my boy.
Mmm.
Does not look good for you, homey.
That's all right.
Everybody knows that as the only brother on the show, I get a free pass through the first round.
Then she dumps you like it was the end of her semester abroad.
Look, homey, I like you.
That's why I want to help you out.
So just drop the front.
You know, the whole safe brother with the boring job and your shirt tucked into your pants.
That's so '90s, Huxtable.
If you want that chick, here's what you do.
You play the tragic card.
You tell her that your fiancée died in a skydiving accident.
I'm not lying.
Then you're not winning.
I couldn't help noticing that you have amazing hair.
Looks real, doesn't it? It's not.
Transplant.
Mostly from my inner thighs.
A little from my lower back.
That's good.
All right, Detective, can you make this quick? I'm trying to save my show.
Oh, mercy, of course, I'm so sorry.
Turns out your contestant Todd Kramer's car was tampered with.
You got any thoughts on that? Yeah, yeah, I'm curious.
Can I sue him before he gets out of the coma? He was my finale.
Now I got to deal with these guys.
It feels very real to me.
That's cheating, right? Absolutely.
There's nothing like the wonderment on a child's face when you read to him for the first time.
Oh, that smile.
Yeah, kids bug me.
I find them disgusting.
They have sticky fingers and their voices are all high.
But seriously, which one of these dudes do you think could be a killer? Something about this Shawn guy was intriguing.
It's as if he's trying to say all the wrong things.
Of course it makes me want him more.
I really I really love a chase.
I'm still trying to get a read on his friend, Gus.
Kind of reminds me of Bud from The Cosby Show.
Before pharmaceuticals, I used to sell office equipment.
Hmm Ooh, the pace.
Life is too short.
So I made the switch.
Now I drive an Echo.
And things are good.
Uh, my fiancée died in a skydiving accident.
Oh! Can I borrow you? Oh! Absolutely.
With Brody, I think it's important that two people are attracted to each other, so physical appearance is definitely an attribute that I look for, but it's not the most important thing.
And with Brody, there's so much more than just his handsome looks.
Like I hate that guy.
Using sunscreen as an excuse to paw her.
That's my move! If I don't get a heart necklace because of that dude, I'm unleashing the guns, Federico and Pepe.
Boom, boom! Oh, the heart.
It's the only muscle in the body that can be broken with a harsh word and repaired with a gentle touch.
What the hell are you talking about? Dudes like this, they never win.
Hey.
I'm sorry, guy, I've just seen a lot of these.
Yeah, we keep him around because he's good at grilling.
I think I might love her.
Or something.
If I find out that any one of you puds aren't here for the right reasons, you're dead meat.
Why are you looking at me? I got to pee.
Did you see that? Dude was looking right at me.
Can you say suspecto numero uno? Suspecto Don't do it, it sounded way better in my head.
Hey, come on.
Now, remember, all of our moves are being filmed, so let's cover for each other while we snoop.
Don't worry, Shawn, the jackal is here.
What are we looking for? Mario's stuff.
He's clearly a hothead.
Maybe Todd was getting too close to Melinda, or wasn't here for the right reasons and had to be stopped.
Counter roll, on three.
One, two Jackal down, jackal down! Are you okay, jackal? I'm cool.
I'm cool.
Dude, this is Brody's stuff? All he brought was flax bars and a Speedo.
What? The guy's here for three weeks, he didn't pack a single shirt? Nope.
Wow.
Dude.
What would someone need a pair of greasy gloves for on a dating show? I bet these come in handy when you need to cut somebody's brake lines.
Just as I thought.
Salad dressing.
Brake fluid.
Looks like Mario's willing to stand behind his threats.
There's only one problem with that theory, Shawn.
It's not Mario's.
Well, whose is it? It's Danny's.
So what exactly are you guys looking for? Photographic evidence of Danny putting the gloves inside his cubbyhole.
Nothing.
It's like it never happened.
Unless Danny can make himself invisible.
Hey, do we have any footage where it looks like just a pair of glasses walking into the room? No.
Hmm.
Oh, excuse me.
This is a real call from actual reality.
Hey, Jules.
We followed up on the gloves, but couldn't get any definitive evidence from the footage.
I think you and Lassie should probably check it out for yourselves.
Good idea, Shawn.
We do have a few questions we'd like to ask Danny.
All right.
I gotta go.
Got a catamaran cruise in 10 minutes and I don't have proper deck shoes.
Oh, I am so, so sorry that our investigation is interfering with your dating life, Shawn.
Jules, come on.
You think I really want to be out on a boat, sipping champagne and feeding grapes to some bikini-clad philanthropist? No, look, I'll admit, I was angry at first, and maybe even a little bit jealous, but I'm not anymore.
Look, I'll be honest.
I'm doing everything I can to fend Melinda off.
But in the end, I think my charms may prove too much for her to resist.
You kiss her, you die.
Duly noted.
You never really liked Todd Kramer, did you, Danny? Wait, I'm sorry, Detective.
What is happening in this scene? This isn't a scene, son.
You're in serious trouble.
But TV trouble, though, right? I mean, it's A man is in a coma.
And we want some answers, so you better start talking.
Why was there a pair of mechanic's gloves in your stuff, Danny? Wait, hold on.
Do you think that I had something to do with his accident? Well, of all of the contestants on the show, you were the only one that contacted them.
Yeah, I mean, I saw the ad and I We went to the same college.
I thought maybe it'd be fun to see her again.
Oh, right, right, it does say that they took a creative writing class together.
Yeah, about that.
You were a physics major.
So what were you doing taking a creative writing class? Hey, I'm sorry, is taking a class outside my major a crime? No, but stalking is.
Come on.
You're obsessed with Melinda.
You can't stand the idea of another man having her.
Okay, listen.
Am I under arrest? Not yet, but we'll be seeing you again, Danny.
Only on TV.
Dr.
Womack, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at the mansion? I was and I got a call.
Oh, man, they're gonna grill you about Todd's accident, too.
They just accused me of being a creepy stalker-type.
Do you believe that? That is ridiculous.
Everyone knows that you're the Fun guy.
The fun guy.
The grill man.
Danny the fun grill man.
'Course I'm a grill man.
Stay strong, Doctor.
Yeah, you too, Danny.
All right, peace.
Spencer, what the hell are you doing here? Do you want to blow your cover? I swung by early, so I can get back by 4:00 for the ice cream bar at the mansion.
Your guy is definitely lying about something, but we just couldn't nail him down.
Here's the good news.
Even though he considers me direct competition, Danny likes me.
Which means I can work him.
I can get a confession.
All that's great, Shawn.
But you don't control the show.
How are you gonna keep Danny on it? Hmm.
Do you accept my heart and promise to protect it? Uh, yeah, I suppose so.
Figuratively.
Literally it would be kind of weird, don't you think? Just holding it? Bloody and valve-y? Yeah, I'll do it.
It's all right, man.
You tried.
Gus Look at that.
You get one, too.
Thank you.
I look forward to the opportunity to get to know you better.
So sweet.
You're welcome.
I saw it.
I knew it was coming.
I was getting my heart on.
I just gave him a heart 'cause I felt bad for him.
I mean, he lost his fiancée in a parachute accident.
Big choice.
The week after we get married, hopefully we just make a ton of kids.
Yeah.
Uh, excuse me, sorry, sorry.
I just I need to say something to the group.
What the hell's going on now? Melinda, if I may, I know the decision is yours, who you want to give the heart to, but I think you should know there is someone here amongst us, who does not have your best interests in their heart.
Brother's gone rogue.
What do you mean? Uh, Shawn, what are you doing? Well, this person did not come here with a clean heart.
They have a girlfriend.
This person is Mario.
Oh! Sweet Jesus.
Do we stop taping? What are we doing? No, no, no, we go in for close-ups.
Hank! Dude, what the hell? Blonde hair! Dirty blonde hair.
She likes to ride hogs.
She rides pigs? You two guys are gonna get your asses pummeled.
"You guys?" What's with the "you guys" part? Why is he saying, "You guys?" Not even that attractive, really.
Mustache issues.
What's her name, Mario? Bros before hos! Ooh, folks, we have got a fight.
No, Mario, let's just take a look Think about it! Don't do it.
Think about it.
Now, Melinda, despite the unorthodox events that have just happened, you still have to decide who gets your final heart.
I I I guess I choose Once you see someone have a complete mental breakdown, it's probably a sign that he's not a good match for you.
But, really it just made me think that Mario's super passionate.
But, I kinda heard my mom's voice in my head.
But he's so mad So then Danny.
Congratulations, Danny! These guys are reality TV gold! I know, I know! So now that you've made a mockery of a legitimate dating process to keep this kid on the show, what's our next move? "Legitimate dating process?" Yes, Shawn, legitimate.
We walk over there and we make casual conversation.
We get him to reveal his motive for killing Todd.
Sounds like a plan.
But just give it a beat.
Let's let him get the patties on the grill first.
There's no reason we can't eat and investigate at the same time.
That's true, actually.
Dude, the patties aren't on the grill yet.
Easy, tiger.
Oh, my God, he's bleeding.
Oh, he sure is.
Uh Is there a doctor in the house? We need a doctor here! You're a doctor.
That's a good point.
I am a doctor.
But I specialize in pulmonary and sometimes brain.
Nose really isn't my forte.
Wow, seriously? You have problems.
Yeah.
We'll use this.
All right, here we go.
See? You're gonna be fine.
I said, I want to see Gianukos.
Step aside.
What the Uh Hey! What are you doing here? I want a crack at that stalker nerd.
That man's hiding something.
What the hell happened here? Okay, listen to me.
Your stalker nerd almost got toasted a few minutes ago, okay? He was the victim.
Everyone knows he does the grilling.
So unless he was trying to kill himself, he's not our suspect.
Now get out of here.
A very good-looking man is in a coma, and somebody caused it.
I'm putting an end to this circus now.
Listen up, 15 minute-ers, Todd Kramer's crash was not an accident.
Someone is trying to kill the contestants of this pathetic replacement for human interaction.
Side note, true love is not found on TV.
This pasty detective is right.
It's found in a women's prison facility.
Wait a minute.
Someone's trying to kill me? Brody, just breathe, man.
Yeah, put a shirt on.
Hey.
I'm sorry.
I'm Really, I'm sorry.
I just I don't know what you guys are doing here.
Someone was almost barbecued on your grill.
Thank you very much.
I will call the gas company in the morning.
But right now, I believe two people are breaking the law.
Oh, that's right, you guys.
Trespassing.
Hank, stop shooting! What are you doing, you idiot? You still here? Hey, guys.
Listen, I had a vision of Jay and Melinda.
Sordid.
It was filthy.
Jules, cover your ears.
Shawn.
He hires a beautiful girl for the show.
Then he falls in love with her.
And now he's jealous of all the guys that are competing for her affections.
Especially the ones that she actually likes, like Todd.
And me.
I don't think you fit into that category, Shawn.
Jules, that's cute.
Hey, Brody, where are you going? I'm quitting.
Look, Melinda's a nice girl and she looks great naked.
But she's not worth dying over.
There's easier ways to get exposure.
When did he see her naked? Hey, your back is gonna stick to the leather seats of that luxury sedan! Poor Melinda.
Who does she possibly have to choose from now? Hello? I'm standing right here.
I know.
Watch your toes.
Seriously? You're gonna put all that oil on your head? You know that's right.
Lavender.
Melinda likes a minty shine.
Would you focus? We need to use this day to figure out the real relationship between Melinda and Jay.
Right.
All we've got to do is get her to admit that she's secretly dating him.
Yeah, and I'll do most of the talking, since obviously she's way more into me.
Please, her heart is bleeding for me, Shawn.
My lady's chute didn't open.
She isn't even sure what your name is.
You have a girlfriend.
Shh! Real life, not on TV.
Hello, Melinda.
Hi.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you for that.
Something's weighing on you.
Wow.
You are so intuitive, Shawn.
Yeah, I guess the pressure of picking the right bachelor is just causing me a lot of stress.
Believe me, I get it.
Is it possible that there's someone else? Someone you're involved with in the nighttime? Shawn.
May I cut in here? This is a taco-burrito conversation, nachos.
Excuse me, Shawn.
This is so dumb.
May I propose a toast? Please.
To all the possibilities of things we can get into without Shawn or anybody else.
There isn't anyone else, is there? Maybe someone rotund? I I don't Cheers.
All right, buddy, I'm cutting in.
I just got here.
Get out of here.
Let me add to that toast with the following question, how many guys have you slept with since we started shooting this show? Uh! He's an idiot.
I'm cutting back in.
You can't cut in to a cut in.
You cut into my cut in, we're already mid-cut in.
I can't believe you right now.
Well, that's your problem.
Will you give us a moment please, Melinda? Excuse me.
You're doing it all stupid.
Man, you don't know what stupid is.
You don't ask how many dudes she slept with.
It's a perfectly legitimate question when you're on a date.
No, that was not, Shawn, no, it was not.
You need to go back and read the player handbook.
You're like Ryan Gosling when he's singing with the ukulele in Blue Valentine, that's who you are.
Do not use an obscure reference on me, forget that.
Forget that.
Fine.
I'm right here, I ain't going back out there.
I ain't going back out there either.
Fine.
Fine.
Are you kidding me? All right, let's just Let's reset for the fondue segment.
Fondue, I hear that.
What the hell is going on with you guys? It's like you're more into each other than you are into me.
Yeah, look, that's fair, and I apologize for Gus' behavior.
My behavior? It's juvenile and it's not very likeable.
Is it? It's highly unlikeable.
Wow.
But answer us this.
Why have you been sleeping with Jay? What? I'm not sleeping with Jay.
We saw you kiss him behind the pool.
No, no.
Jay was just showing me how to "sell the romance" on camera, as he calls it.
It was just a rehearsal.
I felt really silly about the whole thing.
But I didn't actually kiss him.
Wait, were you spying on me? Gus was.
What? I was busy saving Danny's life.
I will punch you in the face, Shawn.
It's true.
Wait, what You saved Danny's life? I did what anybody else would have done.
Okay, guys.
Guys, that was really good.
Really good energy.
And, uh, maybe just not so much pushing.
Sorry about that.
Got it.
Gus is prepared to pay for all the profiteroles.
You must be out of your damn mind.
No, look, guys, guys, not necessary.
Jay's got this show insured through the roof.
I mean, literally, you could break the roof and Jay would get a new roof.
Huh.
Okay, look, did I hit on Melinda? Yes.
Guilty, huh? Take me away.
But if you actually think that I'm killing off my own contestants one at a time so that I can have her to myself I mean, that's That's crazy.
It does sound a little crazy.
You're free to go.
Thank you.
One more question.
Yeah? Do you have an insurance policy on the show? Uh, yes, I do.
I'm a businessman.
And that means all of your contestants are insured as well.
I suppose they are.
Correct me if I'm wrong here.
But this is all your own money tied up in the show, right? Yes, this is all my money tied up in the show.
Money that you will never see.
Why? I don't understand.
Oh, well, let me see if I can make this a little clearer for you.
Sabotaging your own show is the only way you can dig yourself out of this money pit.
We're gonna need to see that insurance policy.
Wow, look at you two, Mr.
And Mrs.
Policeman.
I hate to burst your bubble and wipe those smiles off your faces, but I've sold the show to NBC.
So why would I sabotage that? NBC, huh? Yeah.
Wow, that is just super impressive.
Who's your contact over there? Because my old neighbor, Jen's in legal affairs and maybe they know each other.
I'm Hilton Fox.
Welcome back.
Melinda, the time has come for you to choose who gets your final heart.
And who gets sent packing.
And whatever happens tonight, you're not the loser.
One of them is.
Okay.
Shawn Yes.
You are a very odd person.
One minute, you're witty and sarcastic and smart, and the next you're like a six-year-old looking for a Popsicle.
We don't have any popsicles.
I checked I see what you mean.
And Gus.
Yes? You're an okay guy.
Well And I guess I could see us together.
But your fiancée took your heart with her when she hit the ground in that Nevada airfield, so Uh, but who's gonna help me raise my little boy, Rondell? I can't raise him alone.
And his brother Millard, what is he gonna do? And what about his cousin Rayjay? That's a lot of kids you haven't mentioned.
I'm gonna choose Shawn.
Let's take a walk in the meadow.
Mmm-hmm.
Okay.
Have fun, kids.
I've watched this exact scene on TV so many times.
I never thought it would be me in the limo, driving away.
Burton Guster, you are not gonna cry in this limo.
Not today.
Oh, no, you're not.
Shawn, dancing here with you under the moonlight, it just feels right.
Oh, I got to take this.
Hold that thought, okay? Jules! Hey, we got Gianukos.
Yeah, it turns out he never sold a show to NBC.
Lassiter called his bluff.
He lied so that he could get a massive insurance policy on the show, and then he could kill and collect.
So thanks for the tip, Shawn.
That's how I do it when I When I do it.
So, now you can get off the show.
Ah, but Jules, I can win this thing.
Do you hear me? Off the show, now.
Hey.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Uh, where were we? I just I'm sorry if I'm coming on a little strong.
It's just that See, I've always had these unrealistic expectations of love.
When I was in college, in a creative writing class, I used to get these letters on my desk from a secret admirer.
They would say things like, "The heart is the only muscle in the body "that can be broken by a harsh word" And repaired with a gentle touch.
Shawn, why are you showing us this? I just wanted to show you proof that I carried myself like a gentleman, and did the right thing.
Fire her up, Steve.
Oh, no.
I'm I'm so sorry.
I knew Jay's advice was wrong.
Men don't like women to make the first move.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's not you.
You're perfect ish.
It's me.
I have a confession to make.
I'm not a doctor.
Yeah, I kind of figured that when you said you graduated from Bob Hoskins Medical School.
That's not all.
I have a girlfriend.
And things are going really well.
And we flip it around when the lights are down three, four times a week.
Sometimes five, depending on our case loads.
What? Why would you do this to me? Let me explain, okay? My real job, Melinda, is psychic detective.
I was brought in here to solve a crime.
And right now, I am sensing that this beautiful, unattainable love that you so desperately seek is not only very real but much closer than you think.
Danny? Danny is the one that wrote all of those beautiful anonymous letters to you in creative writing class.
He has always been in love with you.
And he is the only one here that truly wants to protect your heart.
That was you? Wow! I've been waiting a long time.
Yeah.
We're good.
Yeah.
Thank you.
And love connection.
Whoa, what was that? Looks like some sort of glitch.
Oh, we call that a jump cut.
Just indicates a missing piece of footage.
Or time.
If someone removed footage, where would it go? Outer space, I believe.
Correct, Steve? No, it's not correct.
But it's almost impossible to make footage disappear permanently.
I've got it backed up on, like, a million different sources.
Hey, Steve, can you, can you bring up the footage from the day Danny almost got his face burned off? Yeah.
Thanks.
The case of the reappearing cup.
And can you show us the raw footage from the bedroom? The night those gloves landed in Danny's cubbyhole.
Okay.
Hank? The camera guy? You've got the wrong dude in custody.
Jay didn't sabotage his own show.
Where's Hank now? He's on location filming Melinda and Danny for the proposal date finale.
Hank? - Gus! - What? Let's go! Are you serious? Spencer, where the hell are you going? Danny! Shawn! Don't take that leap! No, Shawn, don't worry.
We talked about it.
We're ready for marriage! Yeah! We're in love.
Yeah! Thanks to you, Shawn.
No, no, no, not that leap.
The chute, it's not safe! What? The chute! Yeah! No, it's the final shoot.
Shawn, Shawn, I don't know about you, but the last time I checked, I wasn't faster than a plane.
You know, buddy, in retrospect, I may have miscalculated on this one.
Put the camera down.
Are you filming me right now? Stop filming me! Put it down! Get out here.
Hank, I know you were the one that had the idea for this show first.
But yours was called Passing Ships.
Am I right? Yes.
A show about a female contestant who's reintroduced to suitors from her past who she could have met but overlooked.
How did you It's my skill set, Jack.
You thought Jay was gonna make you a partner, but instead he went out, sold this thing without you.
He was lying, but you didn't know that.
When Jay started bragging about the show, you decided you were gonna sabotage this thing at all costs to make sure it wasn't successful.
Hank, stop filming.
What are you doing, you idiot? That's cold, Hank.
Your final plan was to switch out Danny boy's chute with Gus' dirty laundry.
That's not my laundry, Shawn.
What are you saying? That's not my laundry.
You saying I'm holding on to some random dude's drawers? I guess so.
You two were gonna fall to your deaths.
Like your poor fiancée.
What? Wait a minute, whose drawers are these? I don't I don't know.
Take them.
No.
Take these! I don't want them, Shawn.
Take these drawers! Take them! Touch them! And welcome back to the Paths of Love Reunion Show where we check in and see how our bachelors have been doing.
First things first, I will be starring in a brand-new Tyler Perry sci-fi epic called, I Ain't Gettin' On No Rocket.
Now those of you who caught the last episode, you know that Shawn had a hand in playing Cupid.
Oh, what can I say? I love making love.
Especially on television.
I had a fantastic time on the show.
That wasn't always the case.
Let's take a look at some of your highlights from the show.
What the "F?" Hey, guys, come on.
Who doesn't put the lid on the ice cream back? Look at this, what is this? You know what that is? That's freezer burn.
We're bachelors, it doesn't mean that we're living alone.
The first thought that I had when I walked down those stairs and saw Melinda standing there, um, in that ruffly dress, was, "Not bad for a stand-in.
I wonder, uh, what the "What the actual bachelorette is gonna look like?" I said Melinda's face Is on top of her neck Melinda's face is under her hair Shawn and Gus, now that was a really interesting relationship.
It was kind of hard to penetrate that twosome.
Initially, when they came into the house, I actually thought that they may have been together.
I mean, they're really into each other.
Like, really into each other.
You were such a cute baby.
And to think, that little bundle grew up to be a surgeon.
Did you have a feeling? Shawn, the surgeon, yes, yes.
I Come on, it's no wonder.
He was always interested in medicine, and he I'm I'm sorry, I can't do this.
This girl is way too good for my son.
No I wouldn't vote for him.
Your call.
Wow.
Is this a joke? Come back over here.
Have some more lemonade.
I don't want any lemonade! Wow, well, that is a Paths of Love first.
We've now saved the best for last.
Danny.
It's highly unlikely that you would be sitting in that chair if not for the two-month medically-induced coma of this gentleman.
Bachelors, put your hands together for Todd Kramer.
Alive and well.
Hey.
Hey.
I was dreaming about you in the coma.
Oh, okay.
I got to tell you, it is rough out there in the real world.
Being single and hunting for love.
Yeah, but it's not the real world, Shawn.
It's a TV show.
Hey Okay.
You look really good.
I'm just saying it's nice, it's nice that you're in my life, you know? That you're always standing by my side.
It feels good.
Feels right.
Jules? What? I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end I know, you know