Psych Episode Scripts

N/A - Psych: The Musical

"Once upon a time The end.
" What? What the hell is that? These pages are too sticky.
"A man with incredible skill faced his most difficult challenge.
" Unbelievable.
"Across a vast and dangerous land, he he" I I need to fix this.
This is gonna drive me nuts.
"He would bring old friends and foes together to calm a great evil, and though he holds a great secret unknown to all but a few The end.
" I give up.
Let's just say it was an adventure like no other.
There's a town on the coast on the path of Father Serra wealthy white guys in boats call the U.
Riviera with a dark dirty secret soon to be unfurled it's the murder capital of the world Wait, what? You know, lots of killing.
Nobody knows.
- You're talking about here? - Yes.
Um, no.
Gus, come on, take a look around.
It's Santa Barbara, man, home of the yin/yang killer.
That was one serial killer years ago.
Let me ask you something.
Why are you raining on my parade? Don't you have to be at work? And this town needs a man who can stop this reign of terror catching bad guys like flies When he's given room for error A man who sees clues almost if they were alighting gets accused to confess 'cause his hair is so exciting And though his attire's informal his skills are paranormal la la la la la la la hoo-dee-hoo, hoo-dee-hoo Seriously? You're talking about you? Yes, I am.
Is there a problem with that? Um, where do I start? First of all, you're not a psychic.
Who could be listening, the dancing guy? Gus, don't be the kites upon strings.
We need to be a tad more cautious with our little secret.
Other cops cannot Little secret? You're living a lie.
Your girlfriend doesn't know, and the last time I checked, you're not a cop.
All right, you know what, fine.
A cop I am not I'm just good at observation - but with shortcuts - And cons And the proper presentation they believe that I can raise a finger to my head see the past, read a mind and can mingle with the dead and sure, my girl's deceived but that web's already weaved woven weav-ied? Woved The key is that I'm in too deep to turn back now so I tell these lies under Santa Barbara skies the truth is a slippery slope to tread when you're over your head I do what I have to for the common good I'm misunderstood and I'd come clean if I only could yeah but I can't - You mean you won't - It's the same - Not even close - Just don't ask - I didn't ask - It was implied Define "implied" - You don't know - Yes, I know and I really don't care Someone's bound to expose funny business we're conducting Lighten up, we're all good Would you please stop interrupting? All I know, it's just me always cleaning up the mess while your hair gets the credit getting people to confess It's why I moisturize under Santa Barbara skies The truth of the matter is it's all good fun till an eye comes out I do what I have to for my own safety and legality 'cause technically it's a felony It's just a fib - It's a crime - They won't care Yes, they'll mind and we'll probably do time Over there is my dad here to offer his assistance Yeah, not happening.
With occasional resistance So we face it alone all this dark and dirty scheming hope it's not like the time that my partner went off screaming - When I fought - No, you hid - No, I didn't - Yes, you did I'm just trying not to be the one who dies Under Santa Barbara Skies Santa Barbara Santa Babs She's our Babs Good old Babs Santa Barbara skies Gus, I'm telling you, man.
Somebody needs to be on standby for the bloodbath that's about to wash over our sleepy little community.
Shawn, will you stop it? Nothing terrible is gonna happen in this wonderful place.
Patient rooms 70 through 86, clear.
In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity I'm not inclined to resign to maturity if it's all right then you're all wrong but why bounce around to the same damn song? You'd rather run when you can't crawl I know, you know that I'm not telling the truth I know, you know they just don't have any proof embrace the deception learn how to bend your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end Dragging my heels - McNab! No singing.
- Sorry, Detective.
I need you to issue a BOLO for a Zachary Wallace Zander.
Also known by his nom de plume, Z.
His what? His nom de plume.
His pen name.
Name he uses to never mind.
He was a playwright and composer.
Spent seven years obsessively working on a Jack the Ripper musical.
The night before previews, he goes crazy, locks a critic in the theatre, burns the place down.
That was back in '05.
Last night, he escaped from the insane asylum.
We gotta catch this nut job and fast.
- Dragging my heels - No singing! Sorry, Detective.
Trouble? Does it show? Oh, a bit.
You care to share? I'm a good listener, and I don't get much human contact.
It's a long story.
Do I look rushed? Looks like my squirrel friends have abandoned me.
I'm a writer.
And the last project didn't work out.
Books, movies? Ever hear of the Santa Barbara playhouse? Well, I can't say I get out to the theatre much.
Well, let me start at the beginning, then.
It was called Ripper! Old London.
Very cool, or I thought.
And after seven years and change after endless change, I thought we had something.
In the dark of your shade, you should all be afraid they will call me Ripper Okay, that was nice, Chris, but what if Elisa comes in just a bit earlier.
- Like this? - Yeah.
Okay? I can fix it.
We are fixing it, bit by bit.
- Have you slept at all? - There's no time for sleep.
Look, I have revisions for you.
We'll get there during previews, I promise.
Just take care of yourself, okay? I'm hold on one second.
What's up? Who let Andrew Scheck in? Nobody, we wouldn't let a critic in before previews, especially Scheck.
He watched the entire run-through yesterday, - and he's writing a piece.
- Off of a run-through? He can't.
He did.
We're done.
- We're done? - No.
Can we talk? So this Scheck is an important person? Very powerful, but not really very kind to any of us ever.
He shouldn't have been there.
He shouldn't have been there.
- I'm hearing it's over.
- Over? No, Z, you're getting paranoid.
- It'll be okay.
- No, it's not.
Oh, my God.
- He's here.
- Who? Scheck.
He's trying to kill us.
Kill the show? There's too much at stake.
Try to sleep.
Elisa! Get over here! Something's wrong beneath the artifice I feel the ground becoming liquid something's wrong the elements conspire to see that I become the victim something wrong in this proscenium the death of optimism's lurking something wrong gives me the clarity to stop conspiracies from working You can't be here you can't do this That that didn't really happen, right? It did.
Those people died? One.
Why why would you tell me, a random stranger? But you're not random.
You're like me.
You don't have any friends.
You're invisible.
You'll listen.
How do you know this? Because I've watched you every day from my window across the street.
Isn't isn't that an institution? Not a very good one.
They don't listen.
But this is a murder confession.
You'll you'll go to jail.
They don't always send murderers to jail.
Yeah, there's there's no reason to tell me.
But there is because then you'll understand what I'm about to do to you.
The cameras lost Zachary about 30 feet from this gate, so he would have hit the street here.
Where he went after this spot is anybody's guess.
Not anybody's guess.
He went to the left, Doctor.
Chief Doctor, Detective.
It's Head Detective, Chief doctor.
Why left? Because the bus station is directly down this road.
He will look sane as tax relief compared to the slobbering stew of genetic do-overs that populate the main terminal.
I'm sorry, did you say Slobbering stew of genetic do-overs? Yes, I did.
But I'm not talking about your whackadoodles.
I'm sure they're all lovely.
- They're not - We know.
Look, Detective Lassiter can be a little insensitive, and also, he's wrong.
I think that the parking lot cameras picked up Z, so I believe he went right.
The spirits are telling me that he went directly across the street into the park, into the woods.
Spirits are telling him? He's a psychic.
- And who believes this? - Most of us.
Not me.
Doctor, you too will soon believe.
Hello, my name is Shawn Spencer this is my partner, Lil' Wayne the evidence here's underwhelming but my intuition is insane A trained observer misses nothing each imperfection is a trail it's not a question of if or where but when the guilty party goes to jail Come with me.
- The park - The bus - The park - The bus The spirits are sticklers just check with Gus There's no way I'm wrong about this.
I've heard it both ways the right way and then yours I've heard it both ways let's not open any sores I've heard it right and wrong don't cheech my chong anymore Spencer, give me my phone.
Spiritual GPS.
I can't help it.
Spencer, give me my phone.
Has he seen anyone professionally about this psychic thing? Yes, he stayed in a facility once across town.
It was for a case.
He loved it.
That's true, Doctor! I cannot deny it.
It was quite a treat.
Allow me to demonstrate.
To the park! The fates already set in motion I feel the crime scene come alive drop all your preconceived emotions and notions unless you're Nova Scotian and feel the criminal connive And that is how I do it.
Congratulations, Spencer.
You finally solved the great peanut-shelling caper of '09.
As we all suspected, it was the chipmunk.
You are embarrassing us.
Gus, don't be the very model of a modern Major General.
Look at those shells.
They're cracked by tiny, adorable, rabies-infested, plague-causing rodent teeth.
Now look over there.
Those shells are smashed violently, almost as if Our victim's here and feeding vermin your patient drifts into his view he scoots aside, but still uncertain what this dark stranger's gonna do You get all this from broken peanuts? Perhaps we're drifting off the track This is a psychic demonstration I'm makin' They lost a mental patient I'm not sure which of them is cracked - The nuts? - You're cracked You're nuts I've heard it both ways the right way and then yours I've heard it both ways let's not open any sores I've heard it right and wrong don't diph my thong any more oh, any more oh, any more Oh, any This guy didn't just want to escape.
- I mean, this is - The beginnings of a rampage.
O'Hara, you pull every contact this kook, Z, ever had.
We are gonna have to dig deep.
This crazy hasn't spoken to another person in seven years.
Actually, Detective, he started speaking.
- It's complicated.
- And what? You pinky-swore you wouldn't tell anybody? It was a doctor-patient matter.
Although this changes things.
I'm sorry.
You said it was complicated? The confidant is another patient.
Take me to this patient now.
There'll be sleigh bells and songs and homemade pipe bombs dee tee dee tee Paul, watch the changes.
Hi, Shawn.
Is Paul her name for the karaoke machine? No, nothing that strange.
It's the name for her imaginary piano player, Paul Hogan.
The Crocodile Dundee guy? He seems to calm her.
Shh, pipe down, Hellboy.
- What? - It's a very special day.
An afternoon of music and story, and Shawn, I say this from my heart when I tell you I'm so glad I did not detonate your mother.
And thank you, Paul, and with the magic of the season, I wish I could not blow her up all over again.
Does she know what month this is? You can't be sure.
I indulge her.
And Gus, Mr.
Central Coast, please take a bow.
Sit down, Avon man.
- Pharmaceutical salesman.
- Why are you antagonizing them? I do not sell face cream, Shawn.
I sell the drugs that keep you people from seeing dragons at night.
Should we do this in private? Z's escape was great, right? Is there video? Can we watch? Yang, we have to hurry, okay? Z is extraordinarily smart and determined.
- He's also very talented.
- Okay.
He has the soul of a monkey and the cuticles of an aesthetician, which is why I love him so.
That is crazy.
Sometimes I feel like I have a monkey inside of me.
I say that because his nails are immaculate.
Do you know what Z's plan is? I do, every step.
So tell us where he's going.
Nope, can't do that.
That's why we're here.
You didn't come for my show? Both.
We came for both.
You don't have to lie to me, Shawn.
I can see right through you.
Just tell us where his next victim is.
Victim? Or victims? - There's more than one? - Maybe.
But a girl needs a date before she offers her bounty.
Fine, what do you want? Cigarettes? A shiv? A free pass on spending the night in "the box"? What kind of institution do you think we run? Z taught me to love the theatre, and this I'm not going to have a card like this to play again.
No, no, we can't get you out of here.
Oh, I just bet you can.
- No, no.
- Yang.
Suck it.
All right, Yang, you've had your little day of fun.
Now, let's get to work.
Everybody, be careful.
This place hasn't been touched since the night of the fire.
No, no.
Don't know.
"Don't know"? Well, here's a place to start.
Why did he escape? How did he escape? What's his plan? And where is he? Yang? Use your words.
What's wrong? In my head, it's a musical.
- What's a musical? - All of this.
And I don't mean one of those stupid musicals where they just redo old songs.
I hear that.
That stuff does not belong on the boards.
So that's your new thing? You're just gonna sling around stage terminology? - Yes.
- His tap teacher got him an audition for Shakespeare in the parking lot, but get this it's not even Shakespeare.
We're doing Wall-E.
Wow, Disney is really running out of movies to turn into musicals.
I'm thinking a classic musical.
It would really get me going if you could just perform a little for me.
- Perform? - No.
No, no, no.
Talk, talk, talk now.
Hey, Carlton, I don't think that's going to help.
Adair said to handle her with kid gloves.
Guys, this might sound crazy, but I think we can pull this off.
Does anyone play bass? Officer ham and eggs.
Give me a little, walking bass line.
I can't believe it's not butter! Absolutely not.
You want to catch this guy or not? Yang, you're such a pretty girl and sweet girls love to sing and when sweet sirens lift their voices they can tell me anything Yeah, like, tell me who this loon's gonna whack before I strangle it out of you.
Lassie, stop it.
First of all, that doesn't even rhyme.
Secondly, she has every piece of this puzzle right here, so in the interest of saving lives, why don't we put in a little time and a little bit of effort? I'm not gonna do this.
Yes, you are, because you can.
Because it's easy.
Watch this.
When you're making up a song the words you improvise are never wrong just jam in as many syllables as you can before the break you literally cannot make a mistake Well? - Well, haven't I done enough? - You haven't done anything.
Maybe not yet.
When you're working a cold case Not gonna do this.
And want to start where would be the best place? Not gonna do this.
We can assume that Z would like to kill again can you tell us where to begin? You'll find it might atone for all the things you've done you'll pay a bit back to society you'll finally be free, well, figuratively Would they name a pharmaceutical for me? - We'll see - It could be Not likely Please don't make me do this When you're making up a tap you can do anything you like except for that No, you never no, you never can go wrong now, now Nothing can go wrong When you're making up a song Big man.
Now make me a ballad.
Yes, where my true love comes out of the fog and takes me by the hand.
Yanger, you're killing me here.
You got to give us something - after all the - Art.
Art that we just drummed up for you.
Shawn? You're the greatest psychic the world has ever known.
I couldn't just tell you the answer.
That would be cheating.
I can't give you more than I've already given.
That's it.
Gigantor, lock her back up.
I knew this was going to be a monumental waste of time.
Wait! I wonder what's up there? Cheeky, cheeky.
Z was living here.
At the end, he couldn't leave.
Changes, day and night.
Nobody knew he was shacking up here.
He was the phantom.
- Billy Zane.
- The other phantom.
There's no other phantom.
I'm sensing he's been here recently.
You are so good, Shawn.
Where is Miles Thornton? Miles Thornton is the show's producer.
We've got a home and a current work address for him, the California theater.
You two, hit the theater.
I'll take Mr.
T and Cracker Jacks back to the loony bin.
We'll hit the house.
And you might want to hurry.
Miles? If you see him, tell me first.
I pray he's not on another bender.
He's an alcoholic? Highly functioning, yes.
You know, I am trying to launch a show and a venue here, and I've got a producer who suddenly can't keep it together.
You own this place? I restored it myself.
Oh, so you're saying you're looking for new talent? From the local pool perhaps? No, he's not even sort of saying that.
It was implied, Shawn.
He's launching a new show.
I'm up for a role in another production.
To play a mute cartoon robot.
I would play Burn-E, a small but pivotal role where I change a light bulb outside of a space ship.
And that audition was a month ago.
- They're not calling you back.
- You don't know.
We have some questions for you.
Like, have all the roles been cast? This is sad.
We preview tomorrow.
Really? I know why Z escaped.
You're resurrecting Ripper! Wait, you're saying that Zachary Zander is out? Yes, and you idiots are doing his play.
No, we're doing a Jack the Ripper story.
- Which is his play.
- No.
Z's version was crazy.
We're using Miles's set design, and the director, Ben, wrote this new script.
It's a completely different show.
Surely you can understand how a crazy man might find all this just a bit upsetting.
Listen, first time I stepped foot into this beautiful city, The Ripper! fire was the headline.
It was tragic, but then I got to know more, and I thought, well, the concept for this show is incredible.
It deserves to be put on.
He's right.
This is good.
Give me that.
This inspector character do you think he could be a Jamaican? If I wanted to lose all my money, yes.
Wow, this is pretty good.
This song totally rhymes.
But don't you think this inspector should have a full head of sweet hair and a reasonable-sized forehead? - I'm reading that.
- Stop.
Give it to me.
Give it to me.
Give it, give it, give it, give it.
Give it.
That's my script.
Do you have a sec? - Of course, Janet.
- Audra.
Damn it.
You know, I want to be as sensitive as a businessman can be.
These people up here, they've work too hard to see all of their efforts destroyed by one deranged individual.
Rain check.
It was the victim's house.
You can't use the hide-a-key.
The place was a mess, and next of kin are notoriously unmotivated when it comes to access.
Hey, what's the matter with you lately? You've been a sourpuss this whole case.
See, that just goes to show how well you're paying attention.
I'm always like this.
Damn it! I asked for phone records.
How difficult is that? I had tickets.
What? Tickets to opening night of The Ripper! Seven years ago.
Victoria really wanted to see it, and we were possibly gonna reconcile, and then And then someone died and the place burned down? Yeah.
She's not the most understanding of people.
- Unlike you.
- Exactly.
So I told her I thought she was being a little callous, then she told me what she thought.
Then our marriage was over.
Carlton, you're with Marlowe now.
You have never been happier in your whole life.
I thought I was happy then too.
And then a play gets cancelled.
Because someone died.
Yep, and you spend the next seven years alone.
Carlton, let me tell you something.
Relationships don't always have to be that fragile.
I mean, I believe that Thornton was getting phone calls every half an hour throughout the night since the moment Z escaped.
We gotta figure out where these phone calls came from.
Hey, good talk.
Z broke out of the asylum by himself.
Yes, but don't worry.
We're gonna bring this madman to justice.
All right, he just got a little lost.
He's not a madman.
I think we'll get a different opinion from the guy he attacked in the park.
You're saying Z attacked someone? Z? Is this true? Guys, this is Chris Lamberth.
He's been with us for both productions.
Lambert? Like the Highlander? Lamberth with an "H.
" - It's different.
- Not really.
It just sounds like you're saying it with a lisp.
Or with a dum dum pop in your mouth.
You need to change your name immediately.
It's like calling yourself Jean-Claude Van Dammit.
Besides, there can only be one.
- Who the hell are you two? - My name is Shawn Spencer.
This is my partner, King Mongkut.
Et cetera, et cetera.
We're tracking down a serial killer that's probably pretty angry that you're doing a new version of the show he killed for.
And maybe audition for the show.
Has the role of the inspector been cast? I am the inspector.
Sir, calm down.
I'm just saying the show seems a little white.
- Yeah.
- It's set in London in 1888.
So what are you saying? Black people hadn't been invented yet? Gus, relax.
If a black dude's getting cast in this show, I think we both know - which one of us it'll be.
- What? The fella who can say, "hey, hey, over here.
Hey, that's quite enough of that there Ripper.
" - Should we be worried? - Probably, yes.
Good news for you is we're pretty sure he's going after the producer, Miles Thornton, first.
Of course, nobody seems to be able to find that guy.
Oh, well, I just saw Miles two minutes ago.
He was going up the catwalk.
No kidding.
We need to talk to him right away.
Are you sure it can't wait? Tell him it can't.
A visitor.
Well Hello.
Thank you, enormous human being.
Hopefully, your husband here doesn't mind you being in the same room with a naked man.
Oh, I'm not married.
Well, in that case, what about two naked men? Ooh.
Strode, she's a killer.
Agree to agree.
Could we just hop to it? I believe this one's pretty cut and dry.
It is.
Am I right? What are you talking about? That's insane.
Relatively speaking.
The victim made no attempt to break his fall, the catwalk railings were too high for him to be pushed, and everyone in the backstage area saw him go up alone.
Yes, long-term alcohol and antidepressant abuse, but was sober as a judge Reinhold impersonator When the fall happened.
Plus he just just kind of has a sad face.
Woody, a patient escaped from a mental institution and looked up this man's name right after this man re-launched a play that drove him to kill.
Well, when you put it like that, yeah, anyone could look guilty, but think about this.
Often it's the opposite of what you might expect try to think too logical you're usually incorrect trust your wife has never joined a dark religious sect it's the opposite of that the opposite of that - I'm divorced.
- Stop hitting on the prisoner.
- He was threatened - Immaterial - He was frightened - Inexact You don't think he ran up there because he'd been attacked? Try to be irrational you'll free your head from pains inanity is sanity when dealing with remains think your wife was not with White Sox slugger Harold Baines It's the opposite of that he even left behind his bat Would you stop bringing up your cheating wife? We all know you've been cuckolded.
You do realize they don't personally sign those bats? The real question here is who still has a Harold Baines bat? Look, all we are simply trying to do is stop people from getting killed.
Z literally wiped this guy's name off the list.
- Do you have a sec? - Of course, Janet.
- Audra.
- Damn it.
Dude, every person on this list is back for the new show except the actress, Elisa.
That stripe doesn't stop at Miles Thornton's name.
We gotta get out of here.
What if we miss something important? Often it's the opposite of what you might assume think you're too full for jell-o I can prove there's always room find your wife hot-tubbing with a cabbie from Khartoum it's the opposite of that how do you sleep, Matak? It's the opposite of that it's the opposite of that that I think we're safe.
Hey, man, take this file.
Take it.
Hello, Elisa, my name is Shawn Spencer.
This is my partner, Gigi Van Tranh.
- Van Trenh.
- I've heard it both ways.
- You never even saw the show.
- What show? Who's that? - That's Yang.
- She's a serial killer.
- Is this safe? - Probably not.
Elisa, a man named Z escaped from a mental facility last night.
- I know.
- Wait, how do you know? He called me last night.
- What did he say? - Not a word.
So how did you know it was him then? He was playing piano.
His playing is more distinct than a voice.
Let me get this straight.
A serial killer gives you a buzz, plays some creepy tunes, and this doesn't concern you at all? It was my song.
He wrote you a song? What was it like? Was it a ballad? Could you hum it? Not really mine originally.
It was his first song.
He used to change the lyrics for me when I was feeling down.
Don't feel bad, I have a sandwich here it's made with fresh organic turkey - Those are the words? - I was paraphrasing.
All right, listen, lady.
Miles Thornton is dead, and Z's got you on speed dial.
So I'm gonna put an officer outside your house here until we find this guy.
It's not necessary.
- Trust us.
- Question in the back.
All the other major players are doing the new show.
Why didn't you get the invite? The night of the fire was tragic.
Some of us had trouble getting out.
That's tough, but you didn't answer my question.
I don't think I was right for it anymore.
So here's something interesting.
Midnight in Whitechapel.
What's that? It's the new Jack the Ripper show, and it's expected to do very well.
What makes you say that? Well, there are negotiations to go to New York.
Oh, like, off-Broadway? - No, like on Broadway.
- Really? Dude, you were just humming a Tevin Campbell medley.
- How did you even hear that? - Wait a minute.
So the first production of Ripper! Was gonna be dead upon arrival before even getting one performance off the ground.
And now Z's out of the picture, and this new show's about to be on the cusp of a financial windfall? Yeah, and the entire creative team is going to make a mint.
Ho, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Elisa's on this list.
Why didn't she mention that? McNab, I need you to ask two-face a question.
Oh, my God.
Please ask Elisa why she failed to reveal a damning piece of evidence, the main reason that Z might want to kill her.
Um, Detective, can I call you back? Yeah, I'm hearing something in the woods, and I may have a situation here.
Come on, whackadoo, let's go.
It came from over there.
I see him! So how's your mom? We got him! Nice work, McNab.
What the hell? Holy crap, Gus.
There's two of 'em.
I'm sorry.
He let me loose and told me to run.
I I did what he said.
Elisa! - Open up! - Elisa! - Open up! - We gotta get in there, Gus.
Elisa! This is so much harder than it looks.
- Oh, what? - I have a better idea.
What kind of candy do you like? That was ill-advised.
That was him.
It was Z.
- Stay here.
- All right.
Did you hear about Pluto? That's messed up, right? I hurt no one, they deceive you Come with me, Z I believe you Spencer! This is our victim from the park bench.
That S.
used him as a human decoy.
That S.
just punched me square in the face.
I think we have bigger problems than that.
Where's Yang? "Once upon a time" Seriously? Wow.
"A dark and twisted man escaped the confines of an eerie asylum to wreak havoc upon those who carried on his life's work without his knowledge.
Victims were pi" that's a little graphic, don't you think? Quite easy to imply death without shoving it down one's throat.
What the hell is that? "But our hero began to doubt the guilt of the only villain he imagined, and thus began to wonder what do you do when everything you know is wrong?" Well, not only did we miss Z, we also managed to lose the biggest serial killer in the history of Santa Barbara.
We have a guard in the ICU and Yang on the loose.
Congratulations, all.
Solid work.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Are you uninterested in this conversation? No.
I mean, no, I'm just I'm wondering why he killed the producer, but not our loner in the park.
He was actually sort of kind.
He knocked you out and dragged you to his car.
Right, he needed a vehicle for his escape, but he could have just taken your keys and killed you right there.
No, he was hanging onto the pathetic bastard until he needed him as a human decoy.
- I'm right here.
- Oh, come on.
There's no way Z could have possibly planned that far ahead.
He would have known we would have had somebody stationed outside that house.
It didn't feel right.
Speaking of things that don't feel right, why exactly is McNab no longer guarding that woman's door? She's refused our help.
Apparently, she feels less safe with us.
That's rough for the group.
But in our defense, it is very difficult to break down a door, Chief.
It's not like it looks on TV.
That was solid oak.
I'm pretty sure I dislocated my shoulder.
- You didn't dislocate anything.
- Yes, I did, Shawn.
If it wasn't for my overdeveloped lats, I'd be in a sling right now.
You don't have overdeveloped lats.
You own the sling.
It was never given to you by a physician.
You don't need a prescription for a sling, Shawn.
Guys, I think this proves my point.
Even the victim wasn't scared of this guy.
It's made me rethink everything I thought I knew about Z, which wasn't a whole lot to begin with.
What are you saying? I'm saying I don't think Z did this.
I'm sorry, Chief.
Please continue.
Okay, so, needless to say, this is a disaster, so we put all the resources that we have in finding both of oh, I can't believe I'm saying this of our escaped patients.
So we are gonna do whatever it takes to find them.
Shawn, I am making my first Skype call ever.
Yang, you get back here right now.
No, I'm sorry, Shawn.
I just can't do that.
I don't think I was ever meant for that hospital.
Okay, first of all, you know that is the exact opposite of true, and I still need your help in a big, big way.
Well, you know you can ask me anything.
Is Z innocent? Is that what this whole thing is about? Now, you know what you need to do for those kinds of inquiries.
Yang, I can't I can't make up showtunes for you in the middle of a police briefing, okay? Fine, then we have nothing to talk about.
Perhaps later I will call you maybe.
Whoa, whoa wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on.
Okay, we've compiled a full profile on Z based on both the 2005 court documents along with new analysis provided by Dr.
Adair and the staff at Willowbrooke psychiatric hospital.
Of note in these reports is a consistent belief that Zander was making tremendous progress up until recently.
La No, I don't mean to be hypercritical, Shawn, but really, this feels a little bit spare.
Have you worked on my ballad? No, Yang, I'm I'm not working on a ballad, okay? I'm not gonna write you a love song where your true love comes through the clouds and and takes your hand while wearing a giant white, furry robe.
Let us catch Z, and then he can write it for you, right? And then there won't be a third murder.
First of all, if this is the kind of negativity we're gonna go for, then you know Good-bye.
No, it's not.
You sit tight.
I have a surprise for you.
Okay, all shifts not on overtime now have extended hours with the full cooperation of the hospital.
And Dobson, please find out how early I can retire and still get benefits.
Oh, what the hell? Gus, you are gonna rock it as Wall-E.
You're gonna answer my question or what? Those are the types of questions that need to be pondered under a Steinlen in good old Red 71.
What's Red 71? Damn it.
It's not like she's been to that many places.
I wish I could not blow her up all over again.
This is true.
Well, this is 71.
You guys sure Doc Adair is all right with this? Are you kidding me? Do you know who I am? You're the guy who lost Yang.
Wow, this Z guy really likes himself.
It's weird that he has so much self-esteem.
Those are the types of questions that need to be pondered under a Steinlen in good old Red 71.
And now, if you don't mind, I'd like to show you something incredible.
Me having to make the bed? Give it up, son.
All I see is more crap I got to clean up.
These are all addressed to Elisa.
Yep, they're all stamped, never sent.
It's a good waste of stamps is what it is.
Gus, Z could really turn a phrase.
It's like The Notebook.
Yeah, sweet, eloquent, well-written.
Check this out.
What? Dude, he had a thing for the actress.
He never told her.
How do you know? It says so right here.
Let me see.
This is marvelous.
Shawn, you need to get down here.
There's something else going on here, Jules.
We found Z's letters.
And they're really, really good.
I'm surprised his writing didn't translate - to the theater better.
- That's true.
The Ripper! script didn't do him any justice at all.
We're dealing with somebody very calculated here.
We never should have let Elisa refuse protection.
No, Jules, here's the kicker, Elisa has absolutely nothing to fear.
Sound theory, Spencer.
You're right.
Everything points the other way.
The evidence is underwhelming Oh, wait, it's not.
The facts are falling into place the only thing that's satisfying is that the smirk is off your face Never seen that before.
You're a good-looking man when you're humbled.
It wasn't Z.
I'm telling you, there's another killer out there.
Carlton, what if What if what? What if the guy we're chasing isn't the one on the murder spree? O'Hara, the evidence is piling up against this tootsie roll, and now you want to change course? - I know, but - But what? Spencer thinks so, so now you do too? Well, I trust with my heart and I can't avoid believing although facts are a start maybe looks can be deceiving Let me stop you right there because I do not want to hear it Maybe deep down inside it's because you really fear it No.
It's how I rationalize under Santa Barbara skies You two let our biggest killer get away after just one day do you Yes, we do Think we could find her hiding place just in case she eats someone's face? If we find Z, we'll find Yang.
Let's review how we do a tried and true investigation finding facts, not just snacks and random prognostication tracing steps, tying ends till there's nowhere left to run loading clips, taking aim You're not talking about guns So I catch their lies then I shoot these guys right between the eyes Tell me those are lies Under Santa Barbara skies Under Santa Barbara skies Under Santa Barbara skies Under Santa Barbara skies Feel this, O'Hara.
The actress's phone pinged a cell phone tower downtown, which puts her in that vicinity within two hours of her death.
Ten minutes later, we pick her up again, which puts her going McNab! Pull the footage from outside the California theater.
You think Elisa was killed at the theater? Just do it.
Go to 2:20.
Now we know where she made her last stop.
Evidence, O'Hara, sometimes comes in handy.
I told you we didn't need a key.
This isn't right, Shawn.
Key or no key.
Gus, we are on an island right now 'cause he didn't kill her and you know it.
No, I don't.
You can't decide someone's innocent based on a look in their eyes.
Man, you don't know about looks.
Let it go, Gus.
- I'm a poker man, Shawn.
- No, you're not.
I know tells and I know faces.
Dude, what are you talking about? Looks, Shawn.
I'm talking about looks.
Dude, this is addressed to Z.
Who is it from? There's no return address.
This dude has a strange relationship with the postal service.
What's in it? Nothing.
Not anymore.
Whatever it is, maybe it's still lying around.
Bottom line, Z brought it to the house, Elisa finds it, and whatever she does with it makes her dead.
Z's script is terrible.
The Ripper was a good guy.
The new version is way better.
My character is so much more defined.
Gus, you are not going to be in the play.
Really? What about when they hear this? Jamaican inspector man straight from Kingston to London Town Stop it.
Clearly, she got this box out for a reason.
The first time I stepped foot in this beautiful town, the Ripper! fire was the headline.
- Armitage.
- Who? The owner of the California theater.
He lied, Gus.
He was there the night of the fire.
Shawn, we need to get down to that theater now.
Coinkydink! Killer's here.
Yeah, well, this is where Elisa was murdered.
Welcome back to the team.
Gus, come on.
Christopher "there can only be one" Lamberth.
You were at the playhouse the night of the fire.
I was in costume for rehearsal.
It was difficult to see anything through the mask.
Was Roland Armitage there? Man, please don't make me answer that.
Well, he and Elisa were both you know.
That was amazing.
Did you did you rehearse that or We just solved the crime.
Can't believe we actually agree on something.
Oh, you agreed on something.
The fire was started by - Z.
- The owner.
- What? - Z? What? You're still on Z? I was never off of Z.
It's always about the girl.
Here I was thinking you were sharp as a tack.
- Thinking.
- That's funny.
I love how you said you're thinking.
- He loved her - Revenge - But he's gentle - Unhinged the girl was looser than a cannon The owner had to have a show He got played like Kofi Annan Would you two please just let it go I've heard it both ways The killer is the victim - I've heard it - Both ways You see facts and contradict them I'm almost never wrong So now it's on Shawn, just tell us where he's gone They usually find him in the bowels.
Yeah, I guess that could work.
Let's arrest him.
On what grounds? For starters, he's down here wandering around all sneaky-like.
With the actress who replaced Elisa.
What was that? Give us one piece of evidence, Shawn.
All right, he was here the night of the fire.
And you know who else was here? Z, the guy who did it.
All right, how about this? He's down here under the theater in an area that's clearly not up to code.
Hey, Armitage! We got you, man! You idiot! Surprised? Didn't expect to see us here, did you? Yeah, that's what we thought.
- That's what we thought, right? - That's right, son.
Now, let's get down to brass tacks.
Why did you lie about being in New York the night of the fire? Why did you run, and why was there a car following you? And why has no one responded to the head shot - I left in Ben's dressing room? - Yeah.
Wait, what? A simple "no, thank you" would have been courteous, Shawn.
Gus, you know the show is already cast.
People go down all the time.
Laryngitis, flu, pipes to the knees.
I can't do this with you right now.
Actually, I can do this with you.
Pipes to the knee? I'm not doing this with you right now.
Gee, I wonder why.
Your face knows why.
Your silence tells the whole story, Armitage.
Okay, now, open.
Thank you, Mr.
I'll run this and have the results for you soon.
You can speak now.
- What's wrong with you guys? - Hey, answer our questions.
Well, I lied about being in New York 'cause I thought you two were P.
We are P.
- Working for my wife.
- What? Yeah, I think she's been having me followed, and I couldn't let anyone know that I was carrying on with Elisa.
And I ran today because that girl I was with, she and I are you know, you know.
You are a crappy husband.
It's an addiction.
No, no, it's not.
You just decide not to have sex with someone.
He's right.
- It's a cop-out.
- Yes, it is.
Your incredible success rate warrants mention.
- Thank you.
- Shawn.
So does his hair.
The cat cat gets his.
He gets his.
Deranged individual.
Rain check.
Let me ask you something.
Does your wife have short black hair? - Yes, why? - I think she's on to you, pal.
What? Hey, ho.
Oh, hey.
You know what, Spencer? Apology accepted.
- I'm still off Z.
- Really? Because I'm with Lassie right now.
And I may have just blown it with the play.
Hey, there, pop.
Guess what? I'm officially living my worst nightmare.
Why? Because I think Lassiter may turn out to be right.
Well, you know it's not unprecedented for the cops to be right occasionally.
Yeah, I know that, but I saw this guy, dad, you know, face-to-face.
I looked him right in the eyes, and I don't think he was guilty the first time.
But every time I wrangle a new suspect, they either turn out to be dead or a philanderer with great hair who scores unbelievable young actresses, uninhibited, and curious, and comfortable with their own instruments.
And all the roads lead right back to Z again.
All right, then stop trying to solve this case.
If everything you thought was wrong, then accept that.
Start over again.
Go back and solve the first case.
I don't want to accept it, okay? I just want to be right.
Look, go get us a beer, and let's do this the old-fashioned way.
- Man.
- Yeah.
- Hi, Shawn.
- Yang, what are you Doesn't fresh air become me? Look, I'm at a loss here.
You got to give me something.
Did you check the room? Yes, I checked the room.
I got the letters.
All of them.
One a week, every week, but Yang, they were never sent.
Well, you know, the mail is unreliable.
What the hell do you think you're doing? Dad, I'm just trying to get some information here, okay? Relax.
Hi, papa Spencer.
Do the police know this is your informant? One thing at a time.
You cannot conspire with this woman, Shawn.
I will not allow it.
Well, she's all I have right now, okay? Oh, that's funny 'cause I thought you had me.
But Why would you do that? I can't call her back.
That's so incredibly rude.
She did kill her father for me.
Don't you forget that.
You have some sick relationships, kid.
Well, none of 'em are sicker than this one right here.
Here's the thing about the disenfranchised.
They're creatures of habit.
They don't want to find new places.
They're doomed to do the same thing over and over again.
You're welcome.
Excuse me, big man.
Do you recognize this guy? Nope.
You sure? He's a regular.
Or was a regular.
- When? - Seven years ago.
Dude, staff turns over here every six months.
Fair enough.
Get you something? No, I'm - I'm good.
- All right.
You recognize that guy? Sorry about your nose.
Yeah, you and me both.
So what? You're a cop? No, no, I'm a I'm a psychic.
I'm also writing a book called Crime Fighting for the Totally Unqualified.
I'm on page three.
I should be done by Friday.
You're very talented.
It's the first thing I ever wrote.
You used to play that for Elisa? I've seen your letters, man.
Did Elisa show them to you? No, she never got 'em.
Z, are you feeling okay? 'Cause, to be honest, I think I'm the only one around here who doubts that you're out there killing everybody.
I'm clear.
Clearer than ever.
See, in the hospital, you you figure things out, and I know now why my head hurt.
And I know the capabilities of humanity, and that's given me clarity.
Please, do tell.
No, I'm done with that.
See, I try to tell people, but they stop listening once you're labeled.
I can still help you, man.
I'm gonna find Elisa's killer.
Oh, I know who killed her.
You do? Well, in the interest of time and soaring gas prices, why don't you just why don't you just go ahead and tell me? - I can't do that.
- Why not? 'Cause then, I wouldn't be able to kill them myself.
Come on, man, you know I can't let you do that.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey! No.
So see, it goes like this.
Jamaican inspector man we have to party like it's 1888 Ripper, leave them prostitutes alone And this goes where in the show? It can go anywhere.
I guess it could open it.
You realize this is a dark and serious telling - of a serial killer's story? - Exactly.
Which is why the audience will be so relieved when he comes on to lighten the mood.
Okay, let's do midnight again and call it a day.
Okay? Hello.
What? Z crushed you? With a piano? Like in the Road Runner? Yes, I'm coming, I'm just saying, how fast can a piano move? Gentlemen, how is allowing this gonna get me my patient returned? I'm trying to figure that out, Doc.
Does Z have anything else, like a locker? I don't know something he something he came in with? We could go to his room.
We are in his room.
No, this is room 71.
- This is Yang's room.
- Yang? No, that's that can't be possible.
I found all Z's letters stuffed into that mattress right over there.
Zachary wrote letters? Oh, I knew we shouldn't have given Yang mail duty.
Oh, my gosh.
She was in love with him.
He has the soul of a monkey and the cuticles of an aesthetician, which is why I love him so.
She was his confidant.
She fell for him.
She helped him escape, but then he went straight to the actress.
So she had to take her out the picture.
Gus, this is not good.
Speak of the devil.
Doc, I'm gonna have to take this.
You hung up on me.
My dad hung up on you.
It doesn't matter because I know who did it.
- Who? - You, Yang.
Shawn, if you're going to accuse me, at least have the courtesy to sing it.
Will you tell the truth if we do? I swear.
You can bend it and send it in the mail Mail You are gonna get Gus committed.
Me? Why me? Honestly, I'm starting to doubt your gifts.
I lost you, Shawn, and if I don't have anybody left, I'm leaving town.
And don't try to convince me to stay because I'm really offended.
Great, she's disappearing.
She could be in Shanghai by now.
Shanghai? Please.
She could be all the way to China by now.
You had your little day of fun.
Now let's get to work.
I know where she is.
She's been here the whole time.
I half expected her to be sleeping here.
In the room where the critic was murdered? Come on.
This room is creepy as hell, Shawn.
It's not that farfetched.
Shawn, we're not alone.
- We should split up.
- What? Yang! Yang, I know what happened.
She's already gone.
How do you know? Because this place is creepy, and we need to get out of here.
Yang! Man.
I knew you'd come.
No, no, no, no.
This is not a game.
You are so wrong, Shawn.
Sing me this one.
No more songs, no more games.
I'm done.
I trusted you.
I I believed in you.
Shawn, you disappoint me.
Yeah, Z was my friend.
He told me everything.
If I have to spell it out for you, I will.
He figured it out in group.
You're losing it, Shawn! You don't even know you were followed here.
What are you talking about? Holy oh, God.
Shawn! Gus.
Yang! Yang, Yang, I'm sorry.
Is everything all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's fine.
She's fine.
Here's something stupid.
I think I'm dying.
No, you're not.
No, you're not.
You're fine.
You're fine.
- Shawn, I beg to differ.
- Don't say that.
Shut up.
- Just don't say that.
- And I never got my song.
Gus, sing her a song.
What? Why me? Gus, I just got hanged.
Or hung? Jamaican, Jamaican inspector man Not Jamaican inspector man.
Yang-Y Yang be bop a dang dang What are you doing? Nothing rhymes with Yang.
Meringue? Now I want steaks.
Steak? You mean pie.
You're thinking pie.
No, I mean steak.
I have pie after I have steak.
Guys, I'm drifting.
No, don't drift.
Stay with us.
Wang, wang.
Wang? Wang.
Yeah, I like wang.
- What? - Let me rephrase that.
Look, I see a light.
Do you see fire and brimstone? Yang, do not go towards the light.
Stay with me.
Stay right here with me and tell us who the killer is.
I can't do that.
That would spoil the ending.
Z's gonna finish it tonight at the show.
It's gonna be spectacular.
Oh, I see him.
He is so beautiful.
I see him.
You see who? You see Z or - Beelzebub? - My angel.
- Angel? - Yang.
Yang? Yang.
I'm here beside you I'll guide you just extend to me your hand Please take me to that promised land Promised land is not the term for the place you'll likely go Is there something you think I ought to know? Heaven's gate's contingent on behavior Maybe you could call in a small favor? Don't hold your breath they are sticklers here in death But you'll try? Sure I know a guy who knows another guy Dude, Z is coming.
Shouldn't we warn someone? Who are we gonna warn? The person he's trying to kill is the murderer.
Dude it was Lamberth.
- The Highlander? - Exactly.
This is perfect.
It is, isn't it? That means technically he's not available to play the inspector.
- Hey, you need help.
- I know.
Dude, let's wait for the cops.
Since when do we do that? If we wait, it'll be too late.
Hello, Highlander.
Oh, fellows, I don't have time.
I'm on in a few.
It's funny.
You had plenty of time to try and kill me.
What? You played Jack the Ripper in the original production, didn't you? And in this current incarnation, you've been relegated to the much smaller role of the inspector.
Which could have easily been played by a local black actor regardless of the racial makeup of 19th-century London.
You took out your revenge on Elisa and the producer and anybody else who had any kind of stake - in this current production.
- Yep.
- And - And that's it.
No, there's more.
Tell him the more.
There's no more.
That's it.
What? That is the flimsiest theory you've ever come up with, Shawn.
By no means the flimsiest theory that Why are you working against me on this? That's not a motive for someone that killed someone.
He killed the critic to save the show.
Maybe he thought he deserved to be rewarded for that.
- It doesn't make sense.
- It doesn't make sense? I saw you practicing your spin move.
But everybody in the play does that move.
It's how you get off a rope.
We're taught that on the first day.
Look, I don't know why you did what you did.
And I don't care, but I can prove that you did it because Yang slashed our attacker across the chest right before he turned and stabbed her to death.
- Now take off your shirt.
- And do it slowly.
Yeah, but not - not because we're titillated.
- No.
Because we don't want any funny business.
Look, this is getting really weird.
- Oh, is it? - Yeah.
I lost a lot of oxygen because of you and the only clinically insane friend that I've ever had.
Now, take off that shirt or I'll do it for you.
Get Lamberth? Man.
- Gus, take off his shirt.
- What? I'm not taking off an unconscious guy's shirt, Shawn.
- He's a killer.
- I don't care.
Oh, for Pete's sake.
Clearly, this is embarrassing for both of us.
For both of us? Chris, you're on in two minutes.
What are we gonna do, Shawn? Hey! Hey! That be enough of that there, Reaper! That's right.
Back to Wolverhampton with you, Reaper! It's the first thing I ever wrote.
Yes, and you idiots are doing his play.
No, we're doing a Jack the Ripper story.
Ben, the director, wrote this new version.
It's a completely different show.
I've heard tell they've seen him.
- Seen who? - The Ripper.
Leather apron.
Lurking about in the shadows.
Shawn, I'm almost done.
Where are you? First of all, the correct question is when am I? And the answer is 1888, London.
I believe the east end.
You are at the show? Yes, and I know what was in that envelope.
A script.
Z's original script.
He mailed it to himself and kept it at the theater.
It's like a poor man's copyright.
So they re-launched the show based on his original script that they screwed up in the first place.
Well, I have everything they bagged from the house right here.
Find me a script.
They are 25 scripts.
Look for the oldest one, and you better hurry because I forgot to mention Z's coming here tonight to exact his revenge.
What? Let's see.
I got a 22nd draft.
- Earlier.
- Earlier.
Okay, a 16th draft, 2002.
- Earlier, Jules.
- Oh, wait.
Here's something dated 1999.
This one was found under a bookcase.
Oh, my, that's it.
And I know what happened.
Z hasn't killed anybody Yet.
Jules, keep up 'cause the key keeps changing.
Years of drafts nonstop revisions laid to waste Z's composition unaware they had destroyed it till a man came to exploit it Shawn, why are you singing? Over-leveraged in a panic Ben and Thornton killed the critic You can't be here you can't do this When a crazed man pounds the door open up and drop him to the floor I think I proved how difficult it really is to knock a door off its hinge In the hospital, you figure things out, and I know now why my head hurt.
With too much evidence for hiding they left him there to take the blame there was enough there for indicting deciding the room had to go up into flame and with that, we know why he was really suicidal when Z learned of the play then he had his revelation but the skeptics abound when you're under medication They stop listening once you're labeled.
So he planned his escape to retrieve the evidence that could show he's a victim and prove his innocence He gave it to Elisa because she was the only one he could trust.
She found Ben it was the end of her he had to kill to keep her silent then there's me, I was the obstacle that made his plan get truly violent You didn't brag to him that you were going to solve it, right? No.
We're gonna bring this madman to justice.
Now it's ending, Z is coming blood will spill so please come running Shawn, what's wrong? Hey! Yeah.
I'm just up here jawing into me futuristic talking device.
Ain't I? All right then.
Jules, do you have that script? I need you to find my line in scene six and then please get the hell down here.
- Dude, what are you doing? - Ben is our killer.
I'm gonna go get him, but we still need Z to show, so keep the production going.
This is your moment.
Wagwan, London Town? Who wants some inspecting? Irie.
This is worse than the first version.
- A wagwan here? - Go.
Charlos, where's Ben? - Z grabbed him.
- What? That's all I know.
I'm trying to call a show.
London Town.
Midnight falls under the empty moon this town is soon to meet its reckoning We're gonna party like it's 1888 What in the hell is happening? Are you even surprised anymore? - You can't be here.
- SBPD! Oh, of course.
They went that way.
Z, no! You don't have to do this, man.
You haven't done anything wrong.
Not yet.
I'm sorry, Zach.
That critic Scheck was gonna bury us.
There was a scuffle, and he was dead, and you were just you were there.
We didn't mean to kill him.
You stole my life and then you stole my play.
Armitage wanted to run Ripper! I found your first draft.
I didn't realize how brilliant it was then.
We just we couldn't have your name on it.
Dude, I don't think any of this stuff is helping your case.
What about Elisa? Did she deserve to die? It just got so out of control.
Don't kill him, Z! You took all without consideration when you die I'll be the aberration you made me to be before you stole my life but I'll remain with my pain Dude, dude, okay, okay, I started off shaky, but I got my bearings.
There's no way they can't hire me.
Buddy, I wish I could have seen you.
As for the play, it's probably a no-go.
- Really? - Yeah.
There's a few small issues.
What happened? And with that, the hero made the world great again.
The end.
So what do you think? You can be honest.
Is it the greatest idea for a musical that you've ever heard or what? Well, it's very creative.
And, well, life rights will be involved, and since it's my life, I will think about it.
We're going to Broadway.
, I'm attached.
I said I'd think about it.
Right, right.
I'm actually gonna be tied up for a little bit.
Very busy.
Sure, yeah.
I did mention that I was attached to it.
You totally did.
I heard you.
But you have to lose all that stuff you made up.
I mean, the hanging scene? That's totally impossible.
And no one would use real kerosene lamps in a theater.
Man, he doesn't know.
He's crazy.
- He wasn't even there.
- He was there, Shawn.
It'll be fine.
The hanging scene stays.
No kidding.
I lived it.
What is that? It's Yang.
You brought her ashes? Gus, of course, it's her last request.
The question is: Where do you think that Chief Doctor parks his car? Warning bells ring out cross the ocean down to Montego Bay don't worry, all is well you English jezebels help is on the way Jamaican, Jamaican inspector man straight from Kingston to London town we are gon' party like it's 1888 yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Jamaican Jamaican inspector man getting Irie in Scotland Yard you need a rastaman to help the magistrate send me I say me not like this nonsense me hearing people slashed from necklace to ear and, Ripper, leave them prostitutes alone Jamaican inspector man Ripper, stop ripping, not gon' tell you again