Psych Episode Scripts

N/A - Someone's Got a Woody

This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy, Gus.
We haven't had a case in, like, two months.
Let's face it, Shawn, Trout is never going to hire us.
Man, I'm exhausted.
I'm going to bed.
Good night.
I will face no such thing, and neither should you, Burton Guster.
You want to know why? Because your ancestors died fighting for your inherent right to have a fake psychic detective agency.
My ancestors died of high blood pressure, which is not going to happen to me because I'm not gonna stress over things that I can't control.
Good night.
Gus! Dude, you just nailed it.
We have been going about this the wrong way.
So Trout won't hire us.
So what? We'll just make up our own case.
How? By planting clues and evidence and then leading the cops to said clues and evidence and then getting hired to solve the case.
The case that we made up when we filed a false crime report.
But nobody gets hurt.
Nobody even dies.
Because we falsified evidence.
- It will hold up.
- Once we perjure ourselves.
When we get paid.
Man, you know I'm not tired anymore.
I know exactly which crime we can fake.
A puppeteer is murdered, and the only witnesses to the crime are his puppets.
Then I psychically say that one of the puppets is the murderer.
Which one? You must be out of your damn mind, Shawn.
- What do you mean, no? - But how 'bout this? The winner of a competitive food eating competition goes missing.
There's signs of foul play.
We say it's murder.
Dude, no.
- Hmm? - However Ninja, please.
You know I can't understand anything you're saying.
Man, I'm out of ideas! That's it, I'm going home.
We just wasted the whole night.
But it was not a waste.
I choose to believe that if we put positive energy and vibes out into the universe, the universe will reward that positivity by making someone get murdered or bludgeoned or robbed.
I don't care.
Just so we can solve the case.
Man, let's hope so.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, can I help you? I'm fine.
Just gonna get this body to the mortuary.
Oh, oh, no, wait.
He's a John Doe.
I haven't done the autopsy yet.
Wanna come back in the morning? No.
Gonna take this body whether you like it or not.
Go ahead and take him.
I don't care.
Yo, Woody! Got your strudel.
- Back off.
- Oh! Hey, Woody, did you get the-- Oh! Back off! Everybody back off! Everybody back off! What the hell is going on down there? For God's sake, spit it out, man.
Hostage-- People, we have ourselves a situation.
Now look what you've done.
I know you know that I'm not telling the truth I know you know they just don't have any proof embrace the deception learn how to bend your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end I know you know Okay, Slim, I'm not gonna hurt you.
But I can't let you do an autopsy on this body, because if you do, every single piece of evidence of a murder will point in my direction.
I-I don't want to pre-judge, but I don't have you pegged as a pathologist.
I mean, I don't know what the requirements are in your home state of North Dakota-- - I'm not from North Dakota.
- All right, South Dakota.
I knew it was one of the Dakotas.
I have a great ear.
But how could you possibly know that? And thank you for calling me "Slim.
" Boy, it has been a struggle.
I found this body a couple of hours ago in my living room, stabbed to death with a knife from my kitchen.
I've been set up.
All right, anyone who doesn't have to be here, stay out of my way and my sight lines.
From here on in, this is gonna be referred to as my command center.
- Am I clear? - Crystal, sir! But are you willing to consider other names for this area, such as "The hostage juicing room," sir? What the hell are you two even doing in my station? You don't work here.
Get out.
If I even smell you, I'm gonna shoot you.
Sir, I believe I am being punished for the scent of Gus' cocoa butter ointment, sir.
It's not an ointment.
It's a lotion.
All right, let's keep it moving here.
Okay, Harry, buddy, pal.
Obviously you didn't realize that Gus and I have been in this exact situation before, and we crushed it, so look.
You can just sit back and relax, and we'll handle everything.
I'm just gonna need a pizza delivery guy uniform, and Gus needs a dangerous situation diaper.
Listen, I don't want you within 100 yards of this building, okay? You're a liability.
But we can solve this case and touch hearts along the way, starting with yours.
Shawn, let's go.
- That's Woody in there, man.
- Exactly.
And if there is a lunatic with a gun down there, things are gonna get dangerous.
It's best if you two stay out of the fray and leave it to the big boys.
You stay, you die.
Okay? - Let's go.
- Sir, I am here now.
I want you to consider me by your side as a skilled negotiator and co-commander.
What's our next move? Okay, I want you posted down the hallway to the morgue, all right? All due respect, sir, what am I supposed to do down there? Uh, you can be co-commander of the hallway.
You can make sure that the drinking fountain isn't compromised.
How 'bout that? O'Hara! - Yes.
- I need you right here, - by my side, right now! - Right here.
- All right, not that close.
- Okay.
This isn't Dancing With the Stars.
I'll keep you in the loop.
Stupid jerk.
Uh, chief, these are Woody's medications from up here in the fridge.
He takes them for anxiety.
Should we take them down to him? Anxiety? I can't be concerned about his mental state.
He's half bananas anyway, right? It's like his wheel is spinning but the hamster fell off.
Or it's dead.
I don't know.
I have to tell you, this is not the first time someone has pulled a gun on me in the morgue.
The last one was a former colleague I had a sexual history with.
This feels different.
I don't want a conversation.
Understand? The less you talk, the more likely you stay alive.
Hey, anything you say is between me, you, and that dead guy there.
Should we give him a name? My vote would be Caleb, but your vote counts too.
I know his name.
It's Greer Wilson.
Mm, that's not as good as Caleb.
We were in the joint together.
I'm assuming "the joint" is not that new falafel place on broad street? We were in the same cellblock.
Had a beef, got into a nasty fight.
Everyone saw it.
When they broke up the fight, last thing I said, "The next time I see your ugly face, I'm gonna kill you!" Now my fingerprints and DNA is all over his body, and his blood is all over my carpet.
I didn't do it.
Someone is setting me up.
I bet that's for you.
Pick up, pick up, pick up.
Hello? Well, hello there.
This is Harris Trout, the interim police chief of the Santa Barbara Police Department.
With whom am I speaking? This is Cyrus Polk.
Hello, Cyrus.
Can I call you Cyrus? I don't care what you call me.
Cyrus, I want you to listen to my voice.
You are gonna be okay.
We're all gonna be okay.
You made a bad decision, but you can get out of this without too much trouble, okay? We all have things to do.
Personally, I have to get home in time to watch 2 Broke Girls, see what kind of pickle they're in this week, right? I've been set up for murder.
Yeah, see, I hate when that happens.
I wanted to take this body to hold up the investigation, so I could prove my innocence.
Cyrus, I would have done the same thing as you.
All right, I'll put my best detectives on this, okay? In the meantime, I just need you to sit tight and not get too excitable, okay? I'm gonna hang up now, but we're gonna talk soon.
I said, out! He just went Gary Oldman on my ass.
Uh, you might want to rephrase that.
- Why? - I don't know.
You are amazing at this.
Yeah, I am.
You should know, uh, Woody down there is not just our coroner, he's a very dear friend.
So I thank you for your delicate and thoughtful approach - to this negotiation.
- Oh.
It's refreshing and, frankly, unexpected.
Well, thank you, O'Hara.
Yeah, you know, I have my methods.
I went through a similar ordeal in Poughkeepsie.
You know, I like to establish a relationship and get to know the guy and see what he's feeling.
I find it enhances the moment before I put a bullet in his head.
Listen, it's nothing personal, but I probably have to kill you to get out of here.
That's fair.
This lab is chock-full of embalming fluid, highly flammable.
You could threaten to torch the place.
Oh, why are you telling me this? - We're in this together.
- Back.
Back off.
Look, I can't die.
I have 43 Twitter followers who depend on me.
Oh, and I have a daughter.
Just promise me you'll let me continue to tweet.
My daughter and I are estranged.
One day, they're tugging at your leg, asking you to lift them on your shoulders, and the next, they're angry at you because you drove them to the daddy-daughter dinner dance in a hearse.
Obviously, we have some trust issues.
I don't trust anybody, especially not a cop.
They look at me, and they see an ex-con, and then they write me off as some weird kind of animal.
Well, to be fair to them, you do come across kind of mean and super scary.
Personally, me? I like it.
I just need some time.
I have something.
I may have a way out of this for you.
But it will involve radical, unconventional, out-of-the-box methods.
Are you willing to go off the grid? It's like trying to climb a damn Christmas tree.
We gotta get back in there, Gus.
I know, Shawn, but I also don't want to get arrested.
What? There's only one thing left to do.
We're not going Shawshank,Shawn.
Why not? Because it would take us three months.
Damn it.
But Woody is family, man.
Yesterday, he called me Darnell.
Family is family, Gus.
Woody's not going out like that, not on our watch.
Trout threw us out, Shawn.
And, again, there's no way for us to get back inside there without getting arrested.
You're right.
Trout threw out Shawn Spencer and Darnell Guster.
But he did not throw out Satchel Gizmo and Soupcan Sam.
Come on, son.
Do you have your half of the beard? Man, you know it's in the glove compartment.
- I'm proud of you.
- I'm proud of you.
Let's do this.
Man, we got arrested.
It'll take a miracle for us to get out of here.
I'm proud of you.
Man! Hello, Cyrus.
I don't want to talk to you.
I want to talk to someone with the name of Shawn-- Shawn Spencer and G-- Shawn Spencer and Guutono somebody.
I want to talk to those two.
There's nobody by those names in this department.
Well, that's exactly why I want to talk to them and only them, you know? I want to communicate face-to-face, you got it? That's simply not possible, Cyrus.
Let's be reasonable.
Cheese, cheese.
And together, with those two guys, I want you to send some cheese, okay? - Cheddar.
- Yeah, American cheddar.
Not the sharp thing.
The yellow one.
- You know? The mild.
- Grapes.
We need grapes.
Enough! Okay, that's all.
Over and out.
I can't believe I'm saying this.
O'Hara, get Spencer in here right away.
What are you guys doing down here? Lassie, relax.
We have been requested by the assailant for a face-to-facer, okay? My face, Gus' face.
We'd invite your face, but it wasn't requested.
- I'm sorry.
- Cheese wedge? You have to stop eating the cheese, man.
Guys, I'm serious.
Back the hell up.
You could get shot.
This is no joke.
Cop! Interlock your hands, and put them behind your head! Good boy.
You sons of bitches.
You two, over here.
Here we come, sorry.
Told you.
On your knees, as if you were praying for your life.
Drop! Hey-- ooh, okay.
- Stop.
- What's going on with you? Shawn, you know the back of my thighs are sensitive.
No, why would I possibly know that? Go ahead.
How do you guys always do this? Huh? Here you go.
Woody here tells me you're some kind of geniuses.
Yes, that's correct.
Is there some cheese missing here? Like, maybe two cubes? You better give me one good reason why I should trust the two of you and not kill you right here on the spot.
Don't you think your time would be better spent giving us a lead on who might have murdered that man on the table there? His name is Greer Wilson.
We most recently crossed paths at a place called Redemption House.
That's the halfway home in the boonies - for recently released felons.
- Hmm.
Gus writes letters to men in prison.
Well, it's no secret I hated his guts.
So did a bunch of guys.
Most of those guys, they know their way around a setup.
That's why I want you to go down there as soon as you can, okay? - You got it.
- For Woody.
Hey, hey! Listen, I I got a wife who loves me.
I got something to live for.
I'm sure you can relate.
Actually, this time, I can.
- Gus cannot.
- We'll take the case.
O'Hara, where's the wife? She's right here.
This is Rosie Polk and Edward Tripp, his parole officer.
- Is he okay? Is Cyrus okay? - Is he okay? He's taken my whole police station hostage.
- What do you think? - I don't understand what happened.
He seemed fine this morning.
Hey, look, we all can't marry winners, honey.
Your man-picker was way off on that one, but on a bright note, you do have a nice caboose, so you should bounce back.
O'Hara, find a nice spot for her in the conference room.
So when I need you, I'll call you, okay? All right, come on.
Okay, Tripp, I'm gonna need your help.
Of course, sir.
Just let me know if you need anything.
So, Tripp, you've been dealing with Cyrus since he was released, huh? Yes, and unfortunately, I am also Greer Wilson's-- the victim's--parole officer.
I know them both.
I'm their first contact with the outside world, really.
I help them adjust as best I can.
I'm willing to talk to Cyrus if you feel it's necessary.
Nope, right now, I just need you to tell me how to break him.
Sorry, sir? Or get him to turn the gun on himself.
That'd be even better.
With all due respect, sir, I take my work very personally.
I blame myself.
I should have reported this earlier.
I could see him coming unhinged, but he's not a bad man.
Yeah, well, hold that thought.
Okay, everybody.
You can do the slow Brubaker clap for us if you'd like.
- So how did it go down there? - Woody's fine.
We're gonna look into Cyrus' claims.
I think he's telling the truth, Jules.
- You do? - Sure, he's a criminal.
Got a rap sheet longer than a list of Gus' erroneous zones.
- Erogenous zones.
- He's on fire today.
But they're all petty thefts, B&Es.
This guy is not a murderer.
It doesn't compute.
Well, then, we need to hurry, Shawn, because Trout is trigger-happy and in rare form.
We have to stall him from going down there.
Okay, but nobody likes a nag, Jules.
- Boom.
- Spencer, Guster! In my office! Oh, boy.
- All right, don't sit.
- Okay.
Wait, sit.
No, one of you, sit.
- No, not the white one.
- Okay.
All right, mind giants.
Give it to me.
What'd you see down there? Vulnerable spots, access points? I saw a dead guy, a bunch of scalpels, and, uh-- Oh, oh! A tuna fish sandwich with celery.
I never understood celery in tuna salad.
Thank you, exactly.
- Pickles, man.
- Mm-hmm.
Gives you the same crunch, gives you the same texture, but doesn't taste like absolutely nothing.
- What's your thought on egg? - I'm passionate.
How much time you got? Move past the sandwich! Move past the sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I saw a black guy.
- That was me.
- No.
This guy was super effeminate.
Okay, you guys are truly useless.
Now get up and get out of my office.
You're dismissed.
Sure thing.
But to be fair, sir, I don't think either one of us fully sat down.
Well said.
O'Hara! I thought about it! Bring me that freaky coroner's meds! Hey, sport.
I've, uh, got your hostage's pills here.
I want to talk to you for a minute, man-to-man, all right? Now, I know you're hurting, okay? But I'm not just some rookie cop, okay? I used to be head detective of this monkey factory, and I still got some juice.
So what do you say you let me come in there, and we can be heroes together on this thing, huh? Get down on all fours.
I'm sorry? Be a good boy and get down! Man.
Come on, man! Trying to help you out.
- Okay.
- Can I get up now? Hey, uh, I just wanted to thank you for having a change of heart about Woody's medication.
Yeah, I guess you could call it that.
All right, turn me on, please.
Okay, we're in.
Wait, what do you mean, you're in? I have a visual.
Someone get me a shooter in place.
- Nice work, O'Hara.
- Whoa! What about Woody? What, your coroner who lost a fork inside of two bodies? Yeah, he might not survive this.
What's up, homes? I'm Emilio Estevez Estevez.
Just got out of lockdown for some armed robbery.
This dude here, he's-- Break yourself, fool! I just got out of lockdown too.
That's right, homes.
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.
- You most certainly did not.
- Yes, I did.
One second,vato.
What are you doing? You're supposed to be - my parole officer.
- I called an audible.
You can't call an audible.
We only have one play.
Why do you always get to be the criminal? I want to be offensive too.
What kind of criminal wears slacks and tucks his shirt into his underwear? A black collar criminal.
- There's no such thing.
- It's like White Collar, only blacker, and you weren't in Magic Mike.
What if Woody just died? Just now, because of this nonsense? - I'd have regrets.
- Yeah.
Tighten it up, man! I'm sorry.
There was some confusion.
I'm really his P.
I was testing you.
You passed.
Now, I need a room for this low-life piece of trash.
Yes, sir.
Usually, you got to talk to Maurice.
He runs the place.
But he's not in right now, so he left me in charge.
- My name's Rocco.
- Oh.
Come on in.
I'll show you around.
Come on.
No offense, Rocco, but isn't leaving you in charge like letting the fox guard the hen house? Or Jamie Foxx guard the recording studio.
Maurice likes to give us different responsibilities - around the house.
- Hmm.
Says it helps us re-assimilate.
Makes your job easier.
It's a tight ship.
We all gotta do chores, get jobs, keep a 9:00 P.
curfew and, uh stay within 10 miles of the house at all times, sir.
Damn, this place is worse than the joint, know what I'm saying, homes? Hey, man.
Let me holler at you for a minute.
You got to come up out of those shoes, homey.
- My zapatos? - Yeah.
You see, that's how I run things up in here.
Dude, I knew I smelled venison! - That guy took my shoes.
- Wha-- quit playing, Shawn.
What if Woody would have died, just now, because of that? Do I look like I'm playing? And Jules got me those sneaks.
I'm gonna get in trouble.
And I don't think Rocco is as re-assimilated as he pretends to be.
Matter of fact I think he's our killer.
Tighten it up.
Yeah, you can go on upstairs.
My room is the first room upstairs on the left.
It's the only one available.
My roomie, Wilson, was found dead this morning.
Oh, yeah? You don't seem too broken up about it, homes.
You get what's coming to you.
Okay, what are we looking for? Any evidence that Wilson and Rocco were having a beef.
Man, Rocco wasn't lying when he said Maurice runs a tight ship.
He made these guys report everything.
Dude, looks like Wilson was trying to get his life together before he died.
What it looks like is that Wilson was sticking a file into Cyrus' wife's cake.
Okay, okay, I was having a relationship with Greer, but I called it off as soon as I found out he went back to doing the things that got him arrested in the first place.
Oh, so let me get this straight.
The person you were adulterating with didn't live up to your standards? Exactly.
It was dangerous.
He was going in and out at all hours of the night, doing God knows what with bad people.
Like adulterers? It's a tight ship.
We all gotta do chores, get jobs, keep a 9:00 P.
Now, why would Maurice let Wilson break the house curfew? Who the hell is Maurice? Maurice runs the halfway house.
Gus writes letters to men in prison.
- What? - Okay, I'm already bored.
We need to go back there, Shawn.
We need to find Maurice.
Yo, Maurice! We know you're in there, man! Stop playing with our emotions! Maurice! - Come on, ese! - We know that you're here, because the folks inside said that if you weren't at the store, you'd be out here because you like to work on-- Dude, I think he gets it.
I'm just trying to let him know that we're onto him.
We're onto you, Maurice! Mo! - Come on, ese! - Mo! Come on out and talk to us like men! This is some nonsense.
Man, now we have to clear Cyrus of two murders.
That's how I run things up in here.
Dude, I bet you it's that two-faced Rocco.
Got tired of living under Maurice's rules killed him.
Maurice! Stop farting around, man! Will you stop talking like that? Okay, boys, time to gear up.
Let's go, come on! Um, sir, might I remind you that we have yet to try any of our less aggressive protocols? Ah, Detective O'Hara, when I want your opinion, I'll rent Charlie's Angels.
Well, this doesn't look good, - does it? - I don't know.
I'm getting a bulletproof vest just in case.
Uh, can I get one too? Hey, how's it going up there? Trout's not open to any of my suggestions.
I actually think he's willing to sacrifice Woody to end this.
Nah, I mean, Trout's crazy, but he's not that crazy.
He is.
I looked up that hostage situation in Poughkeepsie, the one he keeps bragging about? Four casualties--the bad guy, two civilians, and an officer.
It wasn't the officer guarding the door, was it? Oh.
Okay, look, it's your call, O'Hara.
I'll do whatever I can from down here.
- Stop fidgeting.
- Sorry.
I'm just getting these hot flashes.
- They killed the A/C.
- Thank God.
I thought I was going through male menopause.
I mean, I've got all the symptoms.
I'm sweaty, my cheeks are flushed, my nipples have been really tender.
Hey, Cyrus! Woody's daughter is here! No, I can't let you see her.
Look, I have been a good sport.
If this thing is going to end like I fear it might, can you at least-- come on, let me say good-bye to my little girl.
One minute.
Okay, come on in.
Hi, dad.
Cyrus, thank you for this.
I feel like I owe you something.
Maybe a nice V-neck? Just make it quick.
What the hell is she doing down there? Now, if I, in any way, led you to believe - that I am your father-- - Woody! This is a plan Lassie and I came up with to get you out of here.
- You have to play along.
- Ow.
Lassiter! How did she get past you? How did that happen? I'm sorry, sir.
That's one of our own in there.
We had to take a chance on a plan that might actually - get him out alive.
- No, no! Now your plan might get both of them injured or shot, because my plan is still the same! And all this is gonna happen because you defied my orders! So how have you been? You know.
No, no, I don't.
That--that is why I asked.
So, what's going on? Spill.
Uh, well, um, things are pretty much the same, I guess.
- Uh-huh.
- You know? You're not great at this improv thing, are you? I am not great at this.
We may be looking at a second murder weapon? I don't know, Gus.
Definitely missing something.
Yes! What, you found a murder weapon? No, I found my shoes, dude.
- What did you just take? - Nothing.
- Just some tickets.
- What kind of tickets? Lottery tickets.
Quick pick.
- Shame on you.
- Shawn, the dude is dead.
He's not gonna be playing the game anymore.
- Give 'em up.
- Man.
- Give 'em up! - Here.
Stay within 10 miles of the house at all times, sir.
He was going in and out at all hours of the night.
Wait a minute.
These were all bought at a store that is definitely more than 10 miles from here, Gus.
And all after 9:00 P.
That's the part of town he was going to.
So that's condoms.
I don't even know how we got on this topic, but I am way past the birds and the bees.
When you get around boys, do you sometimes get nervous? Clammy palms? That is normal.
Now, there are changes that will occur in your--- your southern hemisphere.
- Oh, my God.
- Hey.
This is not witchcraft.
- Okay, sweetie? - Eww, no, no, no.
It's a touching family reunion, but my life is at stake here! Let me help you.
Don't touch me! Stop! Don't touch the body.
You should be letting me touch it.
Not in a weird way--that, based on our earlier talk, would not be normal-- I mean, in a medical, scientific way.
Let me perform the autopsy.
What good would it do? I'm actually really good at what I do.
If there are clues in this body that will lead to someone else and not you, I'm the only person who's going to find them.
He is really good.
You're his daughter.
Of course you're gonna say that.
What other options do you have? Untie me.
Let me free! Take a chance on me! Okay.
But you got one shot, okay? And you, out of here.
You know, visitation time is over.
- Come on.
- Okay.
Uh, you know, actually, I think she should stay.
I think she should stay and assist me.
She actually is taking after her old dad, and she is becoming a coroner too.
She is number one in her forensics class.
- Brilliant, geni-- - Well, I mean, that's kind of an exaggeration.
It's a very, very small class.
Now--now she's being modest.
Strode family trait.
- Dad, stop.
- No, I will not! I love you, and I'm proud of you.
She's brilliant.
Specializes in fluids.
I'm gonna watch every single move, okay? We're up to it.
Yeah, I recognize him.
He would buy quick picks all the time.
Never hit the big one, though.
- Mm.
- Aw.
Speaking of which, do you mind checking these, please? Are you kidding me right now? Since Wilson was murdered, he's due some good luck now.
At least that's what math says.
Would you please stop quoting math like it is a person? Next you're gonna tell me that math is black.
Don't be ridiculous, son.
- Verb is black.
- Verb is not-- - verb is black.
- Told you.
- Sorry.
- Aw.
Do you remember seeing Wilson with anyone else? Nope.
Always alone.
Another dead end.
Now she's getting shy.
When you were a little girl, you were all, "Oh, daddy, let me touch the dead man's pancreas.
" Then your mother turned you against me.
Is that what's going on here? What the hell is this? We lost visual! We lost the visual! Remember what I told you? "I'm gonna shoot the next cop that comes down here.
" We're going in.
Hey, listen, before or after you shoot Detective O'Hara-- but preferably before you shoot me-- can I please just-- just show you something.
- Hey.
- Uh-uh.
What? This color change indicates the presence of traces of sulfuric acid.
Sulfuric acid is not a common household product.
This amount in the wounds is good reason to believe that the murder did not take place in your house.
This could clear you of all circumstantial evidence.
- Woody, talk to me.
- Shawn Juliet and I found something.
Juliet? What are you-- what are you talking about? What is she doing there? Uh, well, she was pretending to be my daughter.
She has a colon in her hand.
Long story short, I found a trace of sulfuric acid in Greer Wilson's wounds.
Do I have any idea what sulfuric acid is? That's all I got, Shawn.
We really need you to make this work.
- She's got a colon in her hand.
- What? Look, we know Greer was here, right? The question is, what was he up to? What the hell was Greer doing hanging signs all the way out here? Whatever is back there, he didn't want anybody to find it.
It's lower than I thought it was.
This is just filthy.
Oh! I'm gonna kill you, Shawn.
Oh, God.
What is this place? It smells like your apartment.
Dude, they made fertilizer here.
Gus, I do not have time for encyclopedia brown.
The clock is ticking, okay? We've gotta solve this case! Sulfuric acid is used to make fertilizer, Shawn.
Woody just told you on the phone that he found sulfuric acid on the body.
- That was today? - Oh, my gosh.
That means Wilson was here, Gus! Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Signs of a struggle.
Blood! Dude, this is where he was killed.
Whoever killed him would have been exposed to the same sulfuric acid Woody found on Wilson's body.
Do not tease me, Rebbie Jackson.
He'd show signs of blistering, scarring, discoloration.
Oh, my God.
I gotta call Lassie.
Fall in.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Spencer, you better make this good.
They're getting ready to go in as we speak.
I know who did it, and they're in the station.
All right, come on, guys.
Fall in.
Freeze! Edward Tripp, you're under arrest for the murders of Greer Wilson and Maurice Night.
Are you out of your mind? Oh! Stand down, detective.
Okay, Trout, listen to me! I just got word from Shawn that he solved the case.
Cyrus is innocent.
I don't care what Spencer says! Look, I know you don't trust him, okay, but I do, and right now, I need you to trust me.
Both of you! Stand down, officers.
Lower your weapons.
I'm from a neutral country, okay? Oh, get away.
Crisis averted, Carlton.
Cyrus has surrendered and is in custody.
- I'm alive too! - Copy that, O'Hara.
I've seen some dirty P.
s in my day, but you take the cake.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Spencer told me the whole thing.
You found out Wilson was making cash on his old hustle.
Told him you'd look the other way for a piece of the action, right? Paid off Maurice to relax the house rules? I'm not saying anything.
But then Wilson said he wants to go clean.
And by that time you were in too deep, so you had to kill him.
Cyrus killed Wilson and Maurice! That's not even close.
Put your hands behind your back.
Do it! You found out Wilson was sleeping with his wife.
Who better to set up for murder than a sad sack like that? You're a disgrace to your badge.
- Whoa, whoa, Lassie, hold up! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Whoa, whoa, be careful! - What? - What are you doing? - Aah! We got him! We got him.
What the-- How do you always manage to do this? Come on, get up! - Come on, get up.
Take him away.
- Get up.
Hey, guys.
- Hey, Big Wood! - Hi, on my way to visit Cyrus in prison.
Got him a "Congratulations on your reduced sentence" cake.
Mm, cost about a buck and a half more, but I think he'll appreciate it, huh? Would you like me to bring along any special messages - from the group? - Uh, no, no.
Because the group does not have a sick, crack-minded attachment to him.
Just you do.
Well, you don't get over an experience like that.
- Sure.
- Mm.
- Juliet - Mm? You should be proud of your work - in the autopsy room.
- Mm.
I will never again be able to look at a boggy prostate - without thinking of you.
- You're sweet, Woody.
Do you think maybe you should tell your real daughter about what happened? Already did.
She is now my 44th Twitter follower.
- Oh.
- How sweet.
Yeah, then my account got hacked and sent out spam email - from deviant dating sites.
- Hmm.
Or I hit "retweet" by mistake.
Either way, she's glad I'm not dead.
There it is.
- Okay, let's go get our glory.
- Yeah.
Wood, I sure hope you're not hiding a gun in there for old Cyrus.
Oh, you guys! I'm not that attached.
Sorry, sorry! Tough being needed by everyone all the time.
All right, chief.
We're all present and accounted for.
I had a bit of a condescending attitude towards you all, and to be fair, it was just my own prejudice.
It was nothing that you guys had done or not done, 'cause frankly, I hadn't seen you in action.
And I have to say, your teamwork, your unwavering support, your camaraderie, three things I hate.
The fact remains, you guys are the most misguided, insubordinate group of people that I have ever supervised in my career, and I refuse to run a department where I don't have 100% support from every officer under my command! Now, I'm very comfortable saying the following You're fired, you're fired! You two were never hired, but you're both fired in spirit.
You guys are remnants of the former regime, and clearing you out is the first step into bringing this department into the 21st century.
Dismissed! No.
Hold on a second.
Yeah, Trout here.
Yeah, I got a minute.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yeah, I just got fired.
Internal Affairs determined that my tactics during the hostage standoff exposed the department to unnecessary liabilities due to the high risk of civilian and officer casualties during the operation.
Okay, well this is me packing it in.
Okay? Think I left a gun over here.
You know, as a consultant, I'm always prepared, you know? 'Cause at a certain point, an assignment will come to an end.
Oh, and by the way, I never got you two as a couple.
Just saying.
Wha--no! Oh! Well, that's not-- he can't--he's bitter.
He can't say that, sweetheart.