Quantum Leap s02e21 Episode Script

Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr.
Sam Beckett led an elite group of scientists into the desert to develop a top secret project known as Quantum Leap.
Pressured to prove his theories or lose funding, Dr.
Beckett prematurely stepped into the project accelerator, and vanished.
He awoke to find himself in the past, suffering from partial amnesia and facing a mirror image that was not his own.
Fortunately, contact with his own time was maintained through brain wave transmissions with Al, the project observer, who appeared in the form of a hologram that only Dr.
Beckett can see and hear.
Trapped in the past, Dr.
Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, putting things right that once went wrong and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.
Quantum leaping always leaves me with an unsteady feeling, but this is ridiculous.
"We have not yet begun to fight.
J.
" John PaulJones? Oh, Phillip! Why the hell are you here? Oh, boy.
You were supposed to be dead.
I knew it wasn't true.
But if it wasn't true, why didn't you come home? Well - And don't give me that naive act, Phillip.
You know, maybe you and I should just sit down and talk.
Oh! Oh, about what? Well, uh- You could tell me - That I'm still in love with you.
Huh! Well.
I'm not! And how could I be? You just sail out of my life one afternoon to go and think! And three years later, I get a letter from Bora-Bora that said you were swept away and stranded on some island.
Well, I didn't buy it, Phillip.
I guess I wouldn't- I'm over you, Phillip.
Do you understand me? I can see that.
I'm going to marry Vincent tomorrow, and there's nothing you could do to stop me.
Now just get out of my room.
I think this is my room.
Oh.
Well, then, I'll get out.
Open this door, Dumont.
Before I tear it down! It's Daddy! Do something.
Uh, uh, uh- Do what? The closet! I have to hide in the closet! Damn it! Open this door! Don't stand there! Help me.
I'm warning you, Dumont! I'll give you to a count of three.
One.
Two.
Three.
And a half.
All right, Phillip.
You leave me no choice but to break down the door! Are you, uh, all right? You have one hell of a nerve, showing up at Catherine's wedding.
I'm- I'm sure it's just a coincidence.
Coincidence? The same kind of coincidence that got you two married in the first place? That coincidence took three years and a fortune in psychiatrist's fees to undo.
Maybe if we all would just kinda come of the closet and talk about it.
There's nothing to discuss, Dumont.
You closed that conversation when you chose to run away, rather than work for Farlington Nautical.
If you show one perfect hair around me, my daughter, or any member of my family, I'll- I'll- Harvard.
Middleweight champion.
1919.
I'm very sorry, Mr.
- Mr.
Dumont.
Miss Farlington refused to accept these, so the concierge suggested we bring them back to you.
Coincidence, eh? That's it, Dumont.
Let's have it out, right now! Mano a mano! That means, "man to man," Sam.
- Sir? - I know what it means.
- Then, get your dukes up! - I really think that there's been some mistake here.
Not yet, but there's gonna be, if you - Only if you try and stop Catherine from marrying Vincent.
Vinnie the Viper? I will not allow any future son-in-law of mine to be slandered by the likes of you.
Slandered? It's not slander, Sam.
This Vincent Loggia has a bad habit of using people as cement additives.
Mr.
Dumont - Vincent Loggia may not be as reputable as you may think.
Why? Because he's willing tojoin Farlington Nautical and help pull it out of the red? Something you were unwilling to do? These are extremely heavy, sir.
Uh, tell him to take 'em back to her.
Take 'em back.
I won't allow it! Why not? It is unacceptable for an engaged woman to receive flowers from her ex-husband.
As a token of Phillip's friendship! As a token of my friendship and wishes for a happy new life.
Sir? Well, all right.
But I don't like it! And you, sir, if you would please give Catherine my well-wishes and assurance that I am absolutely no threat to her marriage.
I want your word that you'll stay away from Catherine, and not interfere with this wedding.
You have my solemn word of honor.
You have no honor, Dumont.
You're not Harvard.
According to Ziggy, there's an that you are here to prevent this wedding from taking place! Well, Ziggy's wrong.
No.
Phillip and Catherine were crazy over each other.
They why did they get a divorce? When Phillip was marooned at sea, Weathers Farlington IV, that pompous nozzle that just walked out the door, convinced Catherine that he was dead.
And he had the marriage annulled.
Great.
Now what? Oh, my God.
The closet.
Whoop! It's so hot in there.
Sam? You been busy.
Just take long, slow, deep breaths.
I can't! - I certainly could.
- Why not? It's the dress.
It's too tight.
I can't breathe.
Unbutton her dress, Sam.
Slowly! Ooh, I wish I could help.
Better? Ooh.
I thought I heard you talking to somebody after Daddy left.
Uh, well, no.
I was- I was talkin' to myself.
It's kind of a- a bad habit that I can't get rid of.
Phillip? Why are you here? Go ahead.
Tell her.
See? All right.
Originally Phillip was unable to stop the wedding, so he committed suicide.
Catherine could never get over it, so two years later, she died of a broken heart.
Please.
Oh, don't beg, Phillip.
It's too late.
Oh.
This is Wuthering Heights.
This is Romeo and Juliet.
We're talkin' true love here! Phillip, it's just too late.
Catherine.
Phillip? If there's any love left in your heart for me, jump off the ship and swim back to New York.
"Jump off the ship"? Well, maybe that's exactly what the poor devil did.
What? He committed suicide byjumpin'off the ship.
Oh, come on, Al! People don't jump off a ship for unrequited love.
No, but for true love.
"True love"? Yeah.
I mean, it only happens once in a lifetime, and-and you have to be lucky.
Well, how would you know? I'm - What do you mean, how would I know? That's not fair.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure, I mean, given the sheer volume of attempts, that you had to luck out once.
Yeah.
All right.
I had good odds, and yes, for one brief moment, - it happened to me.
- What, did you forget to get her number? - No, I got married.
- If she was so perfect, why aren't you still married to her? That's not important.
What's important is that you help these lovebirds.
Okay! Fine.
Okay.
I won't jump overboard.
Phillip won't die, and Catherine won't pine away.
What about Vinnie the Viper? What do you mean, Vinnie the- You can't let her marry that gavone.
Gavone? Yeah, it's Italian.
Gavone! What's it mean? G- I forgot.
Look,just have Ziggy get me some information on Vinnie's underworld activities.
I'll tell the Farlingtons.
They'll call of the wedding.
I'll leap out, Phillip will leap in, and he can win his own true love back by himself.
No, no, no, no.
My instincts tell me, it cannot be that simple.
So do mine.
We have to talk.
Okay, everything's going according to plan.
She's locked up in her cabin, totally confused and miserable.
This is what we planned? Absolutely! This must be Catherine's little sister,Jennifer Elizabeth.
Phillip, we've got one tiny little problem.
What's that? I overheard Vinnie the Viper.
How'd you know his name? I made it up.
I mean, doesn't he look like a snake to you? Uh, uh, sort of.
Anyway.
He was talking to that henchman he calls a "best man," and he told him if you step one foot near Kate- That's short for Catherine.
He's gonna chop you up into little, tiny pieces and feed you to the fish.
Uh-oh.
Maybe it wasn't a suicide.
Fish food.
Vinnie wants to turn me into fish food.
Vinnie's creepy, but I doubt he's actually ever murdered anybody.
No, he's never been convicted of murder.
But the state of New York got him on three other felonies.
Maybe this isn't really such a good idea.
- She loves you.
- If she loves me, why did she slap me? Sam, that means she loves you! You're the only person who can get her that impassioned.
Before you, she was positively boring.
You know, this kid's gonna be a good ally.
Falling in love with you was the only thing she ever did right in her life.
Please, please, please talk to her! - Sam! - Okay! O- Okay.
Maybe- Maybe you're right.
Oh, Phillip.
I'm so glad you're here.
Me too.
Now, listen.
You, uh, get to dinner, before we both get in trouble.
Thanks for the flowers.
Ziggy says there's a 96.
2% chance that you're here to get Vinnie out of her life without ending yours.
Why do I feel like Vinnie the Viper is not going to appreciate that? Good point.
Uh, now you have to look around and find a nice, romantic place.
- Are you saying I have to make her fall in love with me? - She's already in love with you.
But unless she thinks you're still in love with her, she's not gonna trust you- and if she doesn't trust you, then she's not gonna believe you when you give her the lowdown on Vinnie the Viper.
Which I'm gonna get to you.
How come you always get the easy stuff? Eh,just lucky, I guess.
Go away! All of you, just go away! I don't like it, Vinnie.
The children have no respect.
The women have no respect.
I don't like that nobody gotta no respect.
"Love hath no 'rot' like a woman scorned.
" - Hmm? - Shakespeare.
Hey! Maybe you should no marry into this crazy family.
Does make me kinda wonder, though, what's in store for the marriage.
Oh, pre-wedding jitters.
Maybe I should talk with her.
'Splain to her about Italian men.
After the wedding, I'll have a long talk with her.
"Fair Catherine, we await you, like the day awaits the sun.
" Besides, if you don't come out, I'm tearin' the door down.
No! Get the hell out here! That'll make her rush right into your arms.
You know, Marian did practically the same thing the night before our wedding.
Didn't you, diddums? Look.
I don't care what you have to do, Weathers, but in seven minutes, we are supposed to be sitting down at the captain's table for dinner.
And I want you and your- your women there, and in control.
- Do we understand each other? - Andiamo.
Seven minutes.
Hmm.
Ta-ta! Oh, for heaven's sakes, put a cap on it, Marian.
How can we be doing this to our little Kate? Doing what? Feeding her to the Romans.
It's lions,Je - We're not feeding her to the lions! It's a wedding! Are they gone? Other than the smell,yes.
Stop it.
Daddy? Daddy, I don't think I can go through with this.
Oh, you're a Farlington.
You can go through with anything.
I just don't think I'm in love with him.
See? Well, marriage isn't only about love, darling.
Is it, diddums? Oh, uh, Marian.
Marian, go and fix your face, will you? And takeJennifer with you.
But I'm ready.
You do like Vincent, don't you? Well- He likes you.
Daddy, he likes me because I'm blonde, went to Vassar, and speak English.
A language completely foreign to him.
Catherine! The shipping business is about to go under.
God, do I hate the way that sounds.
And Vincent has offered to buy us out.
Is that why he's the first man you've ever approved of? Kate.
He'll take care of you.
The way you deserve to be taken care of.
And with the sale of the company, I'll be able to take care of your mother and Jenny.
Give her all the opportunities that I was able to give you as a young girl.
Daddy, I wantJenny to have all the wonderful things I had growing up.
But I really think that you should love someone if you're going to marry them.
Like Phillip.
I remember.
Week after week you cried.
And there was nothing I could do to take the hurt away.
I don't know what I would have done without you.
You survived Phillip's love, and I think it's time now you take a little responsibility for your life.
Daddy, will I ever - Yes.
You'll learn to love him.
And you'll have children.
And you'll always have us.
I'll go get ready for dinner now, Daddy.
Oh.
That's my little girl! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be talkin' to Catherine! She wouldn't talk to me.
What do you mean, she wouldn't talk to you? I mean, she wouldn't talk to me.
Oh.
I sent two notes to her table at dinner.
She wouldn't accept them.
I tried to cut her off on the way to the ladies' room- She saw me, she turned back.
I've done everything but wait on her table.
She won't talk to me.
Well, you've got to get alone with her.
How? Well, tryJenny.
She's a bright kid.
No, no.
She's already done her part.
Look.
"I got you a key to the first-class pool.
" Ooh, a midnight swim! You know, there's nothing more erotic than a couple of wet, slippery bodies - Al! Al! Al! I'm not going there to be erotic.
Forgive me.
I forgot who I was talking to.
I mean, even if I was- which I'm not- I-I'll be going there by myself.
Unless I can convince Catherine to come there.
And the only way I'm gonna convince her to get there is if I can get two minutes alone with her! W- What aboutJenny? Can't she get her to come? No, she - that it should all look like it's comin' from me.
Well, she's right.
Because the last thing a woman wants to think is that she's being set up by her- by her baby sister.
I know what.
Hmm! What's the way to be completely intimate in a room full of people? And though we are parted I want you to know That if things go wrong, dear And fate is unkind Look over your shoulder I'm walking Behind Oh, merci, merci.
I am Carlo Monte, and this is the Monte Carlo Nights.
We are here till dawn for your listening pleasure.
Ah, oui, monsieur? And what is your pleasure tonight? I don't speak French.
I just speak with a French accent.
I need you to play a tango.
I love the tango.
What the hell are you doing? Dancing with you.
Everybody's watching.
You look gorgeous.
Smile.
I don't want to smile.
I need to talk to you.
We have nothing to say to each other.
I'll kill him.
Gimme your gun.
I can't give you a gun.
Especially here.
I'm gonna kill him.
I want you to meet me tonight.
Why are you doing this to me? Because I care about what happens to you.
Then stay out of my life! Meet me at the first-class pool at midnight.
It's closed.
Jenny has a key.
The little imp.
I should have known she was in on this.
She's worried about you.
Are you doing this forJenny? I'm doing it for you.
Will you meet me? No.
All right, all right.
If I meet you, will you go away and let me live my life in peace? Please? If that's what you really want.
Yes.
- Thanks for the dance.
- Phillip! That little waltz may have just cost you your life.
Tango.
Outside.
Actually, I'm meeting someone- I ought to kill you right now.
Oh, don't make me shoot him here, Vinnie.
Don't call me Vinnie.
And I'll shoot him.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Why don't we just discuss this like civilized people? Instead of arguing about who's gonna shoot me, all right? Besides, isn't it bad luck to shoot somebody the night before your wedding? Not in Brooklyn.
Look.
- I don't wanna shoot you.
- Good.
Vincent is tryin' real hard to change his image.
And I can see that.
I'm gonna marry Catherine tomorrow.
And I don't want you gettin'her all confused with a lot of stuff from the past.
I can appreciate that.
And I'm sure you can appreciate that I just want to make sure that she's not confused about the present.
Why does that sound like you're not gonna go away? Because, maybe I can't.
Let's, uh, try another approach.
I'm a businessman.
And your comin'here is jeopardizing my future.
And that, uh, offends me.
And like Shakespeare said, "If thy eye offends thee, pluck it out.
" That means, if you don't stay out of Vinnie's way, you're gonna get plucked.
So, let's just say that from here out, you and I have an agreement.
Your part of the deal says you stay away from Catherine and her entire family.
My part says, if you don't, I kill you.
Sounds like you're making me an offer I can't refuse.
An offer you can't refuse- That's good.
I like that.
You can't threaten me out of Catherine's life.
She's the only one who can tell me to go away.
That's it.
Gimme the damn gun! The passageway is just after the first-class bunk.
Uh, Captain? Captain, I was wondering if, uh, uh, you could, uh, well, you could arrange for a tour of the bridge for me? Yes, of course!Just contact my second in the morning.
No, no, no.
No, sir.
I was thinking about tonight.
Captain Sheffield.
Oh, Mr.
Loggia! Mr.
Dumont and I were just discussing- other than that his ex-wife turns out to be my fiancée- how much we have in common.
Phillip Dumont.
You're the chap who sailed single-handedly from Bora-Bora after you lost your mainsail in the storm.
Quite a nifty piece of seamanship.
Were you able to rig a sail? - Well, uh- - Did you simply drift? - You used your jib, and you rowed.
- I used thejib, and, uh, rowed.
To Bora-Bora? - Uh, Bora.
- Fascinating.
Yeah.
I'm mesmerized.
If you could get the captain to take you to the bridge Captain- you could show him how you plotted your course.
I could plot my course for you.
if you'd take me up to the bridge.
Oh, I'd like to see that! Yes, well.
Uh.
Yeah, we'd like to see that too.
Oh, come on.
A couple of sailors, talking a bunch of sea stuff? You'd be bored to tears.
Good night, gentlemen.
Oh.
Here.
Uh yeah.
So, Captain.
Extraordinary.
I was wondering if you could show me the- Follow him.
I'd heard you had no sextant or watch! How did you compute your longitude? Mr.
Dumont.
Are you all right? Yeah.
I'm fine.
Listen, Captain.
Uh, the reason I pulled you aside is that I have reason to believe that Vincent Loggia is gonna kill someone on this cruise.
Who? Him.
Me.
Mr.
Dumont.
I realize that Mr.
Loggia's about to marry your ex-wife, but I'm sure- He's a convicted felon.
Three times.
Three times convicted.
Are you certain? The New York police have his record.
The New York police can fax you his criminal record.
Fax? Telegraph.
Cable.
Have him cable Lieutenant Brown Cable Lieutenant Brown Fourth precinct.
in the fourth precinct.
I'll wire this Lieutenant Brown.
But if this is a ruse to prevent Mr.
Loggia from marrying your ex-wife, fellow sailor or not, I'll have to confine you to your cabin.
Ah, well.
Yes, I understand, sir.
Now, without a sextant, without a watch, how did you compute your longitude? Ah, Phillip, you might have been better off on Bora-Bora.
Great.
I've invited a woman to go swimming, and I can't find any trunks.
Do you know what's going on right now? Uh, Vinnie found out that I have a rendezvous with Catherine, No.
And he has her - No.
No.
No, no, no.
What? What? Right now, down on the bottom deck, in the bowels of this ship, Yes? there's this yucky room and there's this giant thing like a big Dempsey Dumpster, and it's pushing all the trash right out into the ocean! That's what you're telling me? Yes! The ocean! It's poison.
Not about Catherine and Vinnie, just about - No thought about future generations.
just lousing up the ocean.
Al, all right.
Fine.
It's probably biodegradable.
No! Some of it is, but most of it, believe me, is stinky stuff.
And it galls me.
It really galls me.
- You're not ready! - He's never ready.
I'm never- I'm never ready? You were late for your own wedding.
Where are your trunks? Well, like, I couldn't - I can't find my trunks.
Got to admit, the kid is sharp.
Now, I got this all figured out.
When Kate comes in, you should be swimming.
Swimming? Swimming! Bobbing around in the water.
Makin' your arms go in circles.
- Glub, glub.
- Don't even look at her.
Just tell her your side of the story and leave.
- Okay.
- Now, I better get back in case Kate needs me for a smoke screen.
Okay.
Oh! Wear the blue trunks.
You look smashing in blue.
Oh, I hope this works, Al.
Of course it'll work.
Just think Cary Grant.
That's not what I'm talking about.
What if Catherine doesn't show up? Catherine will show up.
What woman could resist Cary Grant, in blue? I just don't think I should go swimming with another man the night before my wedding.
Ah, but what a man! He's better that Tab Hunter.
- Oh, will you stop that? - Look,just get in the pool and do a few laps.
He'll say whatever he has to say, and then you can leave.
Just go for a swim, right? You don't even have to look at him.
- I don't know.
- Kate! If two people who are in love with each other can't work out their differences, they should at least say good-bye.
Well, why should I say good-bye to him? He sailed off to Bora-Bora and never said good-bye to me.
He was shipwrecked.
He tried to come back to you as soon as he could.
Well, what do you know? You're only 11.
I'm young, Kate, not stupid.
Besides, I read all those unopened letters you threw out.
You did? I won't forgive him,Jenny.
He's not asking for your forgiveness.
He's asking for a chance to tell you what happened.
So,just go for a nice swim and listen to what he has to say.
That's the only way you can get him out of your system.
Well, I- I guess if I don't, I'll always wonder, right? Right! He's waiting at the pool for you.
I'm pretty lucky to have a baby sister like you.
Yeah, I know.
Now go! Y- Yes! - There's no water in the pool.
- I noticed that.
This is just like you, Phillip.
I didn't arrange this! The sign says that they drain the pool every night after 11:00.
Oh, well.
Why should our last night together be any better than the rest of our relationship? Come on.
Let's- Come on, let's make the best of a bad situation.
All right? Come on down here.
I promise I won't splash you.
All right, Phillip.
I'm here.
Speak your piece.
I suppose it's now or never.
That's right.
Do you really love Vinnie? Vincent.
What a silly question! I don't think so.
And why not? Because you didn't answer it.
Well, if that's all you have to say, then I-I guess this conversation's just over.
Good-bye, Phillip.
Catherine.
Catherine.
I can't let you marry a man you're not in love with.
I didn't say I wasn't in love with Vinnie- Vincent.
You didn't say you were.
Phillip- When you first disappeared, I blamed myself.
For being such a spoiled brat.
I knew you couldn't afford my lifestyle.
But it didn't make any sense that you wouldn't take Daddy's offer to work for the family.
And at first, I thought that was your pride.
And I guess I admired that.
But when you showed me that- that silly little apartment, and you wanted me to live there, I was too afraid.
Phillip, if I could do it all over again, I would move into that apartment this very moment.
But I can't.
Why not? Because, there - There are some things we're obligated to do.
Marriage isn't one of them.
Sometimes it is.
You never had a family.
You can't understand what it means to see them in trouble.
Catherine.
You should always love your family.
And do whatever it takes to help and protect them.
But you can't lose sight of your own happiness.
I did love you.
More than I've loved anybody in my whole life.
No.
It's just too late! Only if you let it be.
I don't love you anymore, Phillip.
I can't afford to.
Catherine! You have a second chance at happiness.
Don't let it sail away again.
Catherine! Catherine! Paging Mrs.
Thatcher.
Mrs.
Margaret Thatcher.
Ouch! Oh, mother, you didn't have to pin it to my brain.
Catherine, please! Where is she? She was dressed and ready an hour ago.
An hour ago? I'm sure she's just walking around, Kate.
It's a boat, after all.
Where can she go? Did you find him? No, I searched everywhere.
Oh, God! Find who? And Jennifer, you have ruined this dress.
The dress is fine! You're the one who's ruining everything.
Well, now, wait a minute.
I'm the one getting married in 20 minutes.
I get to be the basket case, not you, okay? Jenny, darling, what's wrong? Who are you trying to find? Mother, it's Phillip.
I can't find him anywhere.
Oh,Jenny, it's a boat.
Where could he be? I don't know! I've searched everywhere, and I just know something horrible's happened to him.
Maybe-Maybe we should call the captain.
Stop it, both of you.
Jenny, I am sure that Phillip just needed some time by himself.
Do you really think so? It is hard to stand by and let someone go out of your life.
Even if you know in your heart it's the best thing in the world for them.
Teddy told me that's exactly how he felt the day I got married.
Teddy? Teddy? He was a young man that I was very much in love with.
My dad did not approve of us, and so I married your father.
Not that I regret that I did, for one minute! But I'll never forget the look on his face that last night, when he said good-bye.
But I am sure that Phillip is doing all that he can to forget that he made a fool ofhimself going after Catherine the way that he did, and I'm certain that after the wedding, he'll be just fine.
Now, come on.
Let me get you out of this dress, and I'll give it to Bridget and maybe she can, oh, freshen it up a little bit.
That's right.
Step out.
Jenny.
All right? Now, you wash your face, and I'll be right back.
Kate, after this is all over, would it be all right if I married Phillip? When that time comes, I hope you marry whomever your heart desires.
Now, go wash your face, and I'll let you wear some of my "Pink Passion" lipstick, okay? Do you really think he's okay? I think Mother's right.
I think he's off having the time of his life, doing something terribly fun and exciting.
Oh.
Good morning, Mr.
Dumont.
I trust you slept well.
Like a baby.
I take it you decided it wouldn't be civilized to murder someone on your wedding day.
"My object's all sublime, I shall achieve in time a punishment to fit the crime.
" Dostoyevsky.
- Gilbert and Sullivan.
- Close enough.
If protecting Catherine from you is a crime, then s-sooner or later, you're going to have to kill everyone who loves her.
You're right.
I can't kill everyone.
Just you.
Tom, get rid of the garbage.
Do you realize that by the year 2000, there's gonna be polluting the waters of this planet? And that's not including China! I appreciate your ecological concerns, Al, but right now I have a little more pressing problem to deal with.
Yuck! How did you get in this mess? Trying to help Catherine.
Yeah, well, you must have really done something that ticked off Vinnie the Viper.
Al, don't leave me! I'm right here, Sam.
Right here! Now, look.
Try and pile up a bunch of garbage and stand up on it, so you can reach up and grab this grate.
- I can hardly move my arms! - Well, you gotta move 'em! Hurry, Sam.
Lookit, this wall is coming.
Now get up and reach up here! It's too high, Al! Come on, Sam.
You can do it! You look beautiful.
Are you happy? Of course.
Al! - Do something! - Try again! It's too high! Throw me the rope! Throw you the rope? I can't throw you the rope! I'm a hologram! All right, now, nowjust- We gotta stay calm.
We gotta keep our minds calm here.
I don't want to keep calm and get killed at the same time.
Make your way over this way, here, and see if you can grab this hook here.
All right, Sam? You gotta try and grab these chains.
And pull yourself up! You've gotta jump for it! Jump up and grab it! - Oh, Sam? - Ugh.
Oh! Hey, Sam! Right down by your foot there, in the garbage! Sunk in the garbage.
It looks like there's an umbrella there.
Yeah! Use that.
Reach up and-and hook on to it.
Attaboy.
Now pull yourself up! Yeah.
That's it.
Whoa! Hang on! Hang on, now! Sam,you only got two minutes to stop this wedding.
Come on, pull yourself up! Attaboy.
Attaboy! Come on! Do you, Vincent, promise to love and honor for as long as you both shall live? - I do.
- If anyone here objects to this union, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.
I do! I definitely do.
- Therefore- - Sam? - By the powers vested in me- - Somebody, say something! I now pronounce you man and- Wait! I'm sorry.
Vincent, I don't love you.
- I can't marry you.
- Good girl! - You better have a talk with your daughter.
- No, I don't think so, Vincent.
If Catherine doesn't want to marry you, I have no intention of trying to change her mind.
Oh, thank you, Daddy.
- This is a very big mistake.
- No, it isn't! Captain Sheffield- I want you to place Mr.
Loggia under arrest for attempted murder.
- Phillip- - You stay away from him! He tried to throw me out to sea with the garbage, because she wouldn't stay away from me.
That guy's just nuts, 'cause I'm marryin' his ex-wife.
If Phillip says Vinnie tried to kill him, I believe him.
Mr.
Loggia, Mr.
Dumont, I'm afraid I'll have to confine you both to your quarters, until I can determine exactly what happened here.
Ensign Pope, please show these gentlemen to their rooms.
I ain't bein' confined nowhere! Harvard, '19.
Phillip, you smell horrible, but I don't care.
I don't care about anything except being with you for the rest of my life.
If you'll have me.
Wow! Six kids! You guys are gonna be busy bunnies.
I think that can be arranged.
Oh, and get this, Sam.
You tell the story about your sail to Bora-Bora and Jenny writes it as a murder mystery, and it becomes a runaway best seller.
And the two of you make enough money to keep the family going until the cruise business makes a comeback in the '7 Os.
Don't you just love happy endings? Oh, no! No, no, no - No, not the heels! Not a woman again! No! Oh, boy.