Real Time With Bill Maher (2003) s13e23 Episode Script

Doug Heye, Sister Helen Prejean, Jennifer Granholm, Lawrence Wilkerson & Talib Kweli

How you doing? Thank you very much.
How are you? Thank you very much.
People thank you.
What a crowd.
Oh, my gosh, what a crowd.
All right, listen to this.
Thank you.
Ok, ok.
All right, all right.
Thank you.
I appreciate that so much.
Wow.
[Cheers.]
Bill: You you must be out- of-towners.
Is that what it is? Please, help yourself to some fire.
We have plenty.
You go to Vermont and you get maple syrup.
You come here, take home a little fire.
We're always weather conscious here in California.
They said today, this is the big news out here el nino is coming and they say it might end our four-year drought.
Of course, jaded Californians went oh, great, rain.
We are begging el nino to hit us.
That is what it has come.
To we are praying for one weather disaster to save us from the other weather disaster and we need it.
As if we don't have enough problems.
You know, we get some of our water, the little that's left from the Colorado river and the e.
P.
A.
, did you see that this week? The e.
P.
A.
Spilled three million gallons of acid mine sludge into the river.
Turned the river yellow and toxic.
It's a huge screw-up but Donald trump said it gave him a great idea how to keep Mexicans from crossing the Rio Grande.
So [applause.]
I mean, when are we going to start cherishing this planet a little bit? Did you see the explosions in China yesterday? To massive explosions at a giant hazardous chemical warehouse.
Those hazard rouse hazardous chemicals were destined to come here and make your kids' toys shinier and your doritos taste great so that's but they said The explosion, it happened at night.
Was so big it made the night sky look like day in China, between the explosions make the night look like day and the pollution making the day look like night, it's a wonder these people get to sleep at all.
[Applause.]
But how about how about some good foreign news? Today we raised the midwestern flag in Cuba for the first time.
[Applause.]
Oh, for like 60 years.
Yes, after our fabulous 55-year diplomatic strategy of we're not talking to you.
John Kerry went there and opened an American ambassador in Cuba.
Because he said, look, for too long Cuban people have been deprived of first of all, American tourists.
Hey, Cubans.
Fat, white people trying to dance to salsa music.
You're going to love us, let me tell you.
[Applause.]
But, you know other than Marco Rubio and a few old Cubans in Miami, nobody gives a shit.
Worrying about Castro at this point is look worrying about Bobby Jindal's presidential campaign.
Yes, it's down there somewhere but does it matter? Well, that brings me to the presidential campaign and I'm certainly glad something did the.
Today was the big Iowa state fair.
All the candidates Iowa? You're glad you're here with the fire.
No, I love Iowa.
But all the candidates were there.
This is true.
Donald trump flew in on his private helicopter and wanted, offered, to give free helicopter rides to the kids.
That's true.
I mean, as another how do you compete with that? Seriously? Chris Christie tried.
He offered to be the bouncy house.
[Applause.]
Yeah.
Trump said today he had a plan to defeat isis.
I would laugh except his plan to defeat fox news worked.
It's interesting.
Every week, Donald trump says something crazy, insane, outlandish and everybody goes oh, that's it.
That's his downfall and then he's fine.
He's like Godzilla.
Everything they throw at the monster makes him stronger.
People thought last week that after the debate performance trump would go away.
You're so kill silly.
You were watching the debate with your brain.
To understand the Republican mindset, you have to watch it with your balls.
When Donald trump says I will make China behave, the brain goes what? And the balls go damn straight.
It is about time somebody said that about [applause.]
Bill: Got to give trump credit for this.
No tell prompter.
He just pulls teleprompter.
He just pulls it out of his whatever.
You saw that? Yes.
This is the latest scandal.
Periodgate.
He was mad at Megyn Kelly for asking him rough questions at the debate and he implied that she was being mean to him because she was menstruating.
He said she had blood coming out of her eyes, she had blood coming out of her whatever.
What could he have meant, stigmat a? Yes, she's like our lord and savior.
Fox, who was trying to destroy Donald trump, they said it's very important that we defend Megyn Kelly, take a principled stand, protect our beloved employee.
Then they looked at the ratings from the debate with Donald trump and they were like maybe Megyn was on the rag, you know and trump said, trying to recover, trump said he's open to having a female vice president.
I mean, minus those few days when they're a little crazy.
You're a great crowd.
We have a great show.
Jennifer granholm, Lawrence wilkerson, and Doug heye are here, and a little later we'll be speaking with hip-hop veteran talib kweli.
[Applause.]
But first, she's the author of "dead man walking" and "the death of innocents: An eyewitness account of wrongful executions.
" Please welcome sister Helen prejean.
Hey, sister, how are you? Sister prejean: Love the energy.
Bill: Oh, thank you very much.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Sister prejean: No, you're not.
Bill: You sound just like the nuns I had as a child.
Sister prejean: I won't rap you with a ruler or anything.
Bill: I wanted to talk to you about that.
I went to catechism.
Obviously it really didn't take.
But I went to catechism before church on Sunday where we had catholic instruction and the nuns were pretty mean.
I'm sorry to say.
Sister prejean: I'm very hard to sorry to hear that.
We had Susan sarandon do "dead man walking.
" Another day.
Another day.
Bill: We have a new pope.
Not just new con logically but a new kind of pope.
Sister prejean: We do.
Bill: They always say that organizations take their cue from the person at the top.
And since we have such a more tolerant pope, do you think it makes the nuns less mean? Sister prejean: If you nofse what pope Francis says about nuns, he's there with us.
And it was the Vatican that said we were radical feminists or something.
All we try to do is social justice and live the gospel Pope Francis is for nuns' redemption.
Really.
[Applause.]
Bill: Yes, and he's talking about divorced people being able to take confession again.
He said we shouldn't judge gays.
He said atheists can get into heaven.
We don't care, but it was a nice gesture.
Do you think some day maybe he would say nuns could do what the priests do? Would you like to hear confessions? Sister prejean: The confessions that go on in the confessional, not too many of those going on now, truly.
It's ordained priesthood and you go to confession.
That's part of life bill: Who confesss? Sister prejean: It's for people who are sorry for what they do.
We help others acknowledge their wrong.
Gold forgives us.
Bill: You're saying the confession is not sister prejean: Vatican ii defined the church as the people.
For example, when I'm with people on death row, I've heard a lot of confessions, but not just with people on death row.
Bill: So you do hear confessions? Sister prejean: You do too probably.
I don't know, maybe you're on the other end, I don't know.
Bill: I admit, I've not been to church in a while.
Since I made "religulous.
" But when I was going, you walked into a little box with a man on the other side and he was the only one who could absolve you of your sins.
You're telling me that's changed? Sister prejean: Well, there's not as much emphasis on sin and you're going to go to hell if you commit one mortal sin, like you learned in your catechism.
I did too.
And now when you have someone like pope Francis.
It's the gospel.
It's joy.
Let's get out there and be a church that's with the wounded.
[Applause.]
Bill: Wow.
Things have really changed.
Sister prejean: I'm glad we could have this conversation.
It's good.
Bill: I've got to give it a try again.
[Applause.]
But all right, let's talk about your issue.
You mentioned Susan sarandon.
She did play you in the movie.
This has been your life work, really.
Sister prejean: Since I was 40 and woke up like pope Francis.
Wrote about a man on death row and executions.
Bill: I now you're know you're working on a case now It's too much to get into.
Sister prejean: It mirrors exactly what's wrong with the death penalty.
Supposed to be for the worst of the worst.
The supreme court turns it over to the states.
Richard glossin is sitting on death row facing death on September 16th solely on the word of a man who committed he murdered the guy but claimed Richard, in his fourth version of his confession, claimed that he paid him to do it.
It's pay for hire.
Bill: Let me ask you about the other case.
Someone who we know really did it like the Boston bomber.
He said he did it.
We have the video.
There's no document.
Now, I've always said let's kill the right people.
[Applause.]
All right, all right, thank you.
Sister prejean: Bill Bill: We would both agree that we do is death penalty horribly in this country.
I would agree.
Unless we absolutely have it right.
But what about with a guy like that.
Is it better to keep him in sol tiari for solitary for 80 years? Sister prejean: What it's really about is somebody like him who does an unspeakable crime.
Let's say in the book of justice, they deserve to die.
But the death penalty is about us and when is the supreme court that's been the theory.
We're only going to reserve it for the worst.
People like Timothy mcvay, people who but not Terry Nichols.
So Tim mcvay got the death penalty.
Terry Nichols had good defense.
Richard had like no defense.
So the structure of it is wrong.
I brought it out in my book "death of innocents.
" I have been with seven people on death row I'm with the seventh one now.
Will or tease Ortiz, who's innocent too.
Three of the seven have been innocent.
It's broken.
You have a state like Louisiana, a state like Oklahoma where you have Bob maisie who cut notches in his belt.
He got 54 death penalties.
Pockets of of people who go for it and others who don't.
Bill: When we got bin laden, when the president got bin laden I said I'm totally down with that because I'm not a Christian.
But if you are a Christian, and I read all these quotes from Jesus.
I mean, famous ones that everybody knows like turn the other cheek but others like don't repeat evil with evil.
Don't take revenge on your enemies.
Jesus says everything but specifically don't kill bin laden.
Sister prejean: There was a footnote on that, if you noticed.
Bill: Who would what would you say about bin laden? Sister prejean: You can't make any exceptions to anybody because it's about us.
Bill: Whether you're a Christian or not? Sister prejean: It's human rights.
Whether or not you ever step in a church or believe in religion, we believe in human rights and that's the trail we're following now that's bringing to us a new day and it is bringing us there across the world.
We are going to get there too.
In fact, we're on our way.
You can see that the death penalty first in practice is going away and now you can see that now a majority of people say you believe in killing bin laden? Yeah, yeah.
Kill the right people, yeah.
But then when you ask people, here you have the choice with life over death, most people now in America are choosing life.
They say all the things wrong with it and they also see the great cost.
It made me sad at first when they said don't tell me we're going to do it on the money.
But Martin Luther King said a budget of more morality.
Put more money into killing people or get more policemen on the street.
The arrest record of people who commit crimes.
We have a lot of work in this country.
Bill: I'm glad you're up to it.
Thank you, you're terrific.
Thank you for not bringing your ruler.
Lord knows I deserve it.
Sister Helen prejean.
Let's meet our panel.
Thank you, sister.
All right, here they are.
He's the former chief of staff to Colin Powell who is now a distinguished adjunct professor at the college of William & Mary, Lawrence wilkerson.
Hello, colonel.
[Applause.]
She's the ex-governor of Michigan who is now the director of the American jobs project at u.
C.
Berkeley, Jennifer granholm.
[Applause.]
Hi.
And he's the former chief of staff to house majority leader Eric kantor and former r.
N.
C.
Communications director, Doug heye.
Hey, Doug, how you doing? Doug: How are you? Bill: Remember to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
And send us your questions for tonight's "overtime" so we can answer them after the show on YouTube.
I want to start off with Iran.
The Iran deal.
We've never really talked about it in detail on this show but it's going to be coming up for a vote in about a month.
For those people who have kind of tuned out because it cements technical, let me break it down.
It's a no-brainer Doug: That is technical.
Bill: The only argument not to do the deal is pretty much the argument Mitch McConnell put forward the week before Obama took office, say no to everything he does, no matter what it is.
I'll give you a few of the facts.
It calls for Iran to get rid of 98% of their enriched uranium.
They now have 20,000 centrifuges.
After this they have to get rid of all but 6,000.
Those are the older ones, useless to making ale Bo.
They have two reactors.
To be constantly monitored.
One of them is in a mountain to an air strike probably wouldn't wipe it out anyway.
24 days, that's what you hear are the from the other side.
Iran is being given 24 days.
Not on the sites where the nuclear stuff is.
That's the entire country.
Yes, we can't look in everybody's broom closet but no expert thinks you can start up a nuclear program in 24 days so that's bullshit.
.
And kicker is if we don't do this, the sanctions go away anyway because the other countries aren't going to keep them up.
So we either do the deal or we get nothing.
That's what I mean by no-brainer.
Jennifer: And that for 15 years, and it doesn't mean that any of the other tools we have in our diplomatic arsenal aren't available.
We can still do those other things so to me, what is the alternative in they say no to this? I've been involved with Iran since 1984.
I saw Ronald Reagan try to trade weapons to Iran for hostages.
I saw us take Iran's side in the Iran-Iraq war, one of the most brutal wars in the world at that time.
I saw us take Iraq's side ultimately in eldorado canyon operation.
I saw a shootdown with 270 Iranian civilians on it.
Bill: You're saying we can't be trusted? Lawrence: I've seen some bizarre things, but the opposition of this deal unless I walk into the political world, I can't explain it.
The opposition is bizarre.
It eliminates none of the other alternatives.
Do nothing.
The deal, bomb, or invade.
If you do the deal, the other three are still available so what could possibly be the opposition? [Applause.]
Bill: I don't know.
Doug: I think the opposition is bipartisan.
A lot of the attacks have come from Republicans but it's not just the Republicans.
Bill: That doesn't tell us what the opposition is.
Doug: The president has said one, if you're against this deal you're for war and if you're against this war deal you're standing in common cause with those who chant death for America.
I don't think that Chuck Schumer is standing bill: You're still avoiding the issue itself.
What is the argument for not doing the deal? Doug: The argument we're hearing for so many from capitol hill, Republicans and Democrats, bipartisan majority, is that no other deal is better than this deal.
Bill: You're still not saying what the actually actual argument is.
Lawrence: There isn't one.
Bill: Exactly.
There isn't one.
[Applause.]
That's why you have to filibuster because there isn't one.
And by the way, the arrogance that we could just knock down any door in their house.
Can Iran be trusted.
As you pointed out, can we be trusted? The country that fomented a coup in Iran in 1953.
I mentioned opening the ambassador in Cuba and I noticed the Republicans are very upset that Cuban dissidents were not allowed.
Well, it is an ambassador opening.
Kerry's meeting with them rights after but one of the Cubans said, you know, the people who are who were torturing on the island of Cuba are us on Guantanamo bay and we don't have racial prejudice on Cuba.
America is not blameless.
We cannot operate as we're the good people.
Everybody else just do what we say.
Lawrence: I was in havana on December 17th when Raul gave his speech and when Obama gave his speech.
There are 400 people in the room.
Roughly 50-50, Cuban and American.
There were there was not a dry eye in the radio.
People had been working for years knowing that the cold war was over.
Knowing that Cuba was spreading doctors around the world, not revolution, knowing that Cuba had one of the most incredible public diplomacy operations in the world with those medical technicians and doctors and knowing that we needed better relations.
When they made those two speeches, there were people in that room who were crying.
It was way overdo.
As Colin Powell said to me many times, all you have to do is open up and the dictatorship will be gone in two years.
That's all you have to do.
Bill: You're an expert on this stuff.
I've been wanting to have an expert to answer me on this question.
Because Iran is fighting isis.
I don't think a lot of the Republican candidates know that this is happening but don't we have to kind of don't we have to kind of pick who's the enemy? Because you can't help them both.
When you help one you don't help the other.
You are an ally of the other.
Who's worse? Iran or isis? If it's isis, if they are the really bad people, we shouldn't perhaps be making enemies of Iran.
And every time I say that the locals should handle this themselves, the locals being the other Sunni arab countries.
I won't even bring Iran into this.
The experts say oh, bill it would be great if that could happen but I'm afraid they just can't do it.
Why are Muslim armies in the Middle East so useless? So except except for isis, Boca ha ran.
The Taliban.
Except for the ones that believe any lambic fund mentalism.
Those are really gooders a.
In fact, we can't defeat them.
But those other armies show that chart.
These are the forces under arts.
Egypt, 1.
4 million under arms.
Iraq has 800,000.
Turkey has almost a million.
Jordan has 180,000.
Syria, 00,000.
There's over 4 million soldiers.
Isis has about 20,000 to 30,000.
We don't know exactly.
They're like scientology, you can't get look at this isis and the rest of the Sunnis in the Middle East and they can't take them? So tell me, expert, why are say they so useless? Lawrence: Let me give you a little history on this and say that you're absolutely right.
[Applause.]
U.
S.
policy for almost half a century in that region of the world not withstanding our overthrow in 1953 and the shah's collapse in 1979 and so forth.
The U.
S.
policy was to be quarter shore and to move ashore only as it was necessary to protect our interests and keep the peace.
That was it.
Boots on the ground was out of the question.
Because everyone understand the admonition from the princess bride, you don't want to start a land war in Asia.
[Applause.]
People forget.
Iran is in Asia.
It's not something we should be doing.
I agree with you 100%.
It's not something we should be doing.
Bill: And to the question of why they're so useless? Why four million can't defeat 20,000? Lawrence: A bigger question Why is the does the united states always side with the weak government, the lack of courage, the lack of faith, the lack of anything you want to talk about in terms of stamina.
Vietnam, look at that government.
That government didn't have a country.
It had a relationship with the United States.
And when real government came along from hanoi, it beat them.
Look at Iraq, Afghanistan.
Why do we always pick the places where there's no one to defend? Bill: Where are the lunatics on our side? You know, I mean it's funny.
These middle eastern countries, they don't want to get involved in the Middle East.
Lawrence: It's too tough.
Bill: Why are we doing it? It's like when a dad says he's going to baby sit.
You're not baby sitting, they're your kids.
Can we bring up another subject? I'm going to get to Donald trump in the second half of the show but they're so mad at him for what he said about Megyn Kelly.
But I was looking at some of the comments from other Republican candidates in response to Donald trump's Megyn Kelly comment.
Carly Fiorina there is no excuse.
I stand with Megyn Kelly.
But she doesn't stand with equal pay for women, maternity leave, abortion rights.
Contraception as part of health care.
Jeb bush, what Donald trump said is wrong.
But Jeb brush bragged at the debate about Florida being the first state to defund planned parenthood.
Jennifer: And he's not the only one.
One thing, what they say and what they've done.
Jeb bush as the example.
When he was governor, not only did he defund planned parenthood but he actually, as governor, intervened in two cases to prevent a 13-year-old girl and a mentally challenged woman who was raped from being able to get an abortion.
So these are two abortion cases.
He intervened as governor and he allowed this bill to become law which was called the Scarlet letter bill, which required women who are single moms who wanted to put their children up for adoption, to publish their sexual history in the newspaper so that the father would know, even if they were raped.
And then he writes in his book that he published called "profiles in character" that he thinks that I'm not kidding.
That public shaming of single mothers or per miscues teenagers is a good per misk use teenagers is a good thing to prevent them from misbaving.
Anti-violence against women act.
They voted against it.
They voted against actually equal pay.
They all want to shut down the government to defund planned parenthood.
60% of all women, Republicans too, favor planned parenthood.
This is not a good strategy.
[Cheers.]
Doug: A spent a lot of time working on the violence against women act.
We couldn't reach common ground with senator Patty, who kept moving the ball further and further away.
But I find it absolutely insulting, not that you are being insulting, of course.
That when we talk about womens and women's issues we have to talk about contraception and abortion and lilley ledbetter.
Jennifer: Who's talking about it? You are.
Doug: Women care about jobs, their schools, health care costs.
It's as insulting as saying hispanics care about immigration and that's all.
It's not true.
Jennifer: How many times did the abortion, planned parenthood come up in the debate and how many times did the words "middle class " come up.
Overwhelming it was all about defunding planned parenthood and anti-choice.
Do you know what, even Republicans 11% of Republicans favor an exception to the ban on abortion for rape and increst.
Even 61% of Republicans.
Doug: But they're still pro life.
Jennifer: Fine.
61% say there should be an exception.
You have candidates who don't favor any exception.
Scott Walker, who doesn't even favor an exception for the life of the mother.
Come on! Doug: Why is it always women's issues about abortions? Women care about jobs.
They care about getting their wages increase and health care costs.
Bill: But you're against the minimum wage.
Doug: That's not true.
Look, I'll be the first to admit that we had a lot of bad senate candidates who said a lot of stupid things.
Thank you, Todd aiken, thank you, Richard Murdoch.
You should be grateful for those two.
That's why we didn't win the senate back four years earlier.
Bill: Mike huckabee, candidate, also condemned Donald trump.
But Mike huckabee also said about Beyonce he said she's a terrific dancer without the explicit moves that would best be left for the privacy of the bedroom.
But here's getting to my point that they just don't get women.
He said Jay-Z is a very shrewd businessman but I wonder, does it occur to him that he is arguably crossing the line from husband to pimp by exploiting his wife as a sex object? As if Beyonce does not run her career on her own.
Jennifer: Hello.
Bill: He thinks that Beyonce and Jay-Z are ike and Tina Turner.
Jennifer: Defend that, Doug.
Bill: I bring this us up because they do have a problem with women.
Doug: They have a problem with single women.
We do very well with married women.
Mitt romney bill: Obama beat Doug: I'm not talking about binders, by the way.
Bill: Obama won single women 67-31.
Doug: That's our problem.
Bill: But the r.
N.
C.
Has come out with a picture book to help explain to Republicans Republican politicians.
Doug: Did this come out when I was working for Michael Steele? I just need to know that bill: It's called "those mysterious medium people who aren't men.
" Would you like to hear it? It's explaining to Republican publics ok.
You're down in the polls and you don't know why.
It seems like you're popular with all of the guys.
But the reason the Republican party's in trouble, is all you old white men who live in a bubble.
You've got Jeb and trump, santorum and Walker.
All of them somewhere between "creepy" and "stalker.
" But I'll tell you a secret if you keep it between us.
There are voters out there who don't have a penis.
[Applause.]
Women, they're called, and they think and they feel.
Why, it's almost as if they're actually real.
Your mom, your sister, your niece and your wife.
There are lots of nice women all over your life! We're mostly alike, though they're often much kinder.
They live in our houses, not mitt romney's binder.
[Applause.]
The first step, of course, is admitting we're clueless, and our vision for women is pregnant and shoeless.
Of course they're so mad that they're trying to unseat us wouldn't you if someone made you carry a fetus? But give them respect and we'll stop looking corny.
Admit they exist, even when we're not horny.
[Applause.]
Support equal pay and they'll come to adore us.
Take it from me, that's the political clitoris.
[Applause.]
Ok, he's an activist and hip-hop musician whose album, "fuck the money," dropped today for free online at kweliclub.
Com.
Talib kweli is over here.
Hey! How are you, sir.
I'm a big fan.
It's great to see you here.
Talib: Hello, ever.
[Applause.]
Bill: Look at that.
You smell like weed.
Ok.
I talib: Where'd that come from? It was off the top.
Bill: It came from your shirt.
Talib: Man, I bought this shirt today.
That's nonsense.
Bill: I have a very good nose.
Talib: That's someone in the audience.
California.
I see them in the audience too.
Bill: They revealed today the president is on vacation and he said he brought two play lists with him on his vacation.
And they published them.
One for daytime and one for night tume.
Let's get it on.
But one of yours made the daytime play list.
Talib: That's right.
Bill: What is it? Talib: Memories.
We did a record called Bill: It's a great record.
Talib: Michelle Obama, when they were running, she said it was on their play list.
Bill: It's a great record.
You're recalling your youth and how you got in the game.
I relate to it because at one point you said writing rhymes on napkins.
That's what comedians do.
All our young life is writing on napkins.
Talib: Now it's on notes.
Not napkins.
Bill: Oh, do it yourself.
You use your phone.
In your opinion Ferguson for the anniversary of the murder of Michael brown.
What was it like there last week? I know there was some trouble.
Talib: Yeah, there was some trouble.
Actually, a young man got shot while I was on stage.
The official story, and you can never believe the if you believe story but the official story is that he had nothing to do with the protests.
I don't know.
I can't speak on what happened.
I organized two free concerts to raise money.
The first night was to raise money for protesters and actions on the ground.
We had Tom mo rilla.
Bruce Reilly.
The next night was myself, common, immortal technique.
Series x.
We came to St.
Louis and did a show for the people.
Free show but donations go to the family of Mike brown.
[Applause.]
Bill: Since then it's been a year, but 40 laws on the positive side have been passed in 24 states about cameras.
Cops have to have cameras.
Racial bias training.
Limits on the militaryization on the police.
So there has been some positive that's come out of it.
Talib: Yeah, it's our duty to stand up and not obey unjust laws.
It's our duty to stand up for our rights.
What's interesting about Ferguson is that these are young people.
These are women, black people, white people, queer people.
A community that came together.
Working Dallas students who weren't about vists saw Michael brown's body laying in the streets for six hours.
They let mainstream America know these people ain't bucking out.
This is a real problem.
The people stood up and the thing about the people in Ferguson is they did not go home.
When the tents came out, they stayed in the streets.
As a matter of fact, they're in the streets now.
Cornel west just got arrested on Monday.
They changed the conversation along with the one young woman who started a campaign after trayvon Martin was murdered by neighborhood watch.
Bill: There was controversy this week.
Bernie Sanders, Democratic candidate for president.
[Applause.]
Very popular.
Two activists interrupted his speech and grabbed the Mike, didn't even do a conia going to let you finish.
Talib: I'm going to let you finish but Hillary Clinton is bill: Right.
And a lot of people said why Bernie Sanders? This guy has a 100% approval rating from the naacp.
Talib: The naacp liked Donald sterling too.
Bill: What? Talib: You missed that part.
Bill: A place called the national oassociation for the advancement of colored people is out of date? Talib: We love the naacp and the history bill: But Bernie Sanders plainly is not a racist.
He's not the problem.
Talib: Bernie Sanders is somebody who you know, he's somebody who just because somebody has a record of civil rights doesn't mean they're automatically entitled to the black vote.
Bill: But is he the first guy we should be attack something shouldn't we work up our way from people who talib: He might be the easiest because he's dealing with the people more directly than a Jeb bush or Hillary.
But you have to look at what happened after these actives activists.
I'm friends with some of the people who started black lives matter.
When I first heard about Bernie in Seattle I thought that's not right but then I was corrected.
The job of activism is not to be liked or plilt.
It's about making sure these issues black women vote more than anybody in this country.
They started black lives matter and they are forcing this discussion.
They say you're not going to be a progressive and just because of that you have a grasp of racial issues.
It's possible to be progretch and still have no understanding of racial issues.
And since they used protests, which Martin Luther King and Nelson mandela and began hi and all these political historical figures did.
They forced O'Malley to come up with a platform.
They forced Bernie Sanders to deal with it and that's positive and beautiful.
Jennifer: All of these Democratic candidates now have a platform on ending mass incarceration.
And black lives matter did confront Jeb bush this week.
I hope they continue to confront Republicans as well.
Bill: Let me show awe little video.
Some people in Ferguson showed up.
They were with the militia called the oath keepers and this is something we've seen elsewhere in America.
A bunch of white guys with automatic machine guns and body armor showed up.
I want to ask the question What do you think would happen if a bunch of black people showed up? Audience: Boo! [applause.]
With automatic weapons exercising their constitutional rights? That is kind of white privilege, isn't it? Doug: They should stay home.
Bill: You would admit admit there's no americas on that? Doug: Absolutely.
Republicans have been talking about this as well.
If we have a robust sense of government, that speaks to what sister Helen was saying well - .
as well.
Bill: I think this is a giant story.
I didn't see anybody talking about it today, that Donald trump is ahead in Iowa.
This was the one place that said Donald trump is not going to do well there because he's a New Yorker.
Remember julianna.
He wouldn't even participate on this show.
So many told me on this show, Chris Christie, even when he was riding high, not going to play well in Iowa.
He's too New Jersey.
Too New York.
Even the Evangelicals want to be called on their shit.
They are desperate to have somebody lead them.
Somebody to say you know what I don't bend to your bullshit.
Donald trump, I got to say, I don't agree with him on a lot but I kind of get him.
We've kind of been doing the same thing.
Jennifer: The same political incorrect stuff.
Lawrence: He has an ear for a lot of what Americans want to say.
His remarks on the Iraq war is almost total condemnation of George w.
Bush's policy, my administration's policy.
What other candidacy has said that other than rand Paul.
Jennifer: I do not think he's saying what people want to hear when he calls Mexicans rapists and murderers.
Lawrence: There are some.
Talib: You're right.
A lot of them do.
These people, the oath keepers, and Donald trump, their racist and sexist, feel like the country is being taken away from them.
He's saying what fox news has been saying but he's not playing a political game.
Jennifer: And giving him a cover.
Doug: What we talk all day every day about Donald trump.
Marco Rubio gives a speech, nobody pays against.
John parry gives a speech on race.
Nobody pays attention.
The one who gets all the pub is the one who's leading.
Bill: 24 million people watched the debate.
Do you know what the first g.
O.
P.
Debate in 2012 got? 3.
2.
Doug: No one was watching to hear Mike huckabee's tax policy.
Absolutely.
We were going to watch the Donald trump show.
When you asked him specific questions on specific issues and don't let him change the conversation however he wants he starts to with it a little bit.
Bill: This is a guy with three wives latest one is a model, who has said that he doesn't look to god for forgiveness.
That he doesn't really even bother god.
He said that.
Ok.
Tell me why he's not finished in the state that everybody always said was run by Evangelicals and you couldn't win it.
Doug: Because we didn't actually cover it.
Bill: Because Republicans know they are full of shit, that's why.
They are so full of shit Doug: We heard about Lindsay Graham's cell phone, name calling John mccain.
Bill: I'm so tired of politicians saying to them if we only had a government as good as the people.
They know they're not good, not right be bright and they know they don't know anything.
Jennifer: They appreciate the pizzazz and the show but I think they're tired of the same old, same old policies.
Anti-immigrant, anti-woman, anti-climate science.
Bill: Those are his policies.
Jennifer: That's what I'm saying.
I think they're all the same.
Don't let the pizzazz fool you but at least it gives them something to look at.
He's a reality show guy.
In a reality show, in "survival" they keep the villain on as long as possible to make the show interesting.
[Applause.]
In the end, though, the villain doesn't win.
In the end.
Bill: We'll see.
Lawrence: What herself exposing, glaringly so, is the parsety of ideas and real political discussion in my political party.
Doug: I would say we have plenty of ideas that the candidates are talking about but all the energy has been taken by Donald trump.
Marco Rubio gave I thought a very good education speech.
No one in this all of a sudden saw it.
John parry talked about race and nobody in this audience saw it.
Why? We're talking about Lindsay Graham's cell phone number that the press gave out.
He's all over the place on immigration.
Bill: Oh, extreme on, the press.
Donald touch was the original birther guy, right? Ted Cruz what happened to the birther issue in Ted Cruz came out and said my mother was born in America.
Nobody ever contested that Obama's mother was born in America.
Why was it an issue with Obama but not Ted Cruz? [Applause.]
Doug: I agree.
Bill, to be clear, anytime a Republican starts talking about a Republican in Kenya, they're hurting the Republican party.
Anytime they're talking about a legitimate rape, they're hurting the len Republican party.
Sometimes we need less dialogue and some people to stop talking.
Bill: Great segue to go to new rules.
Panel, stop talking.
[Applause.]
All right, new rule now that Kim jong-un has executed some 70 officials, he has to explain why his barber is still alive.
Is it possible he's so surrounded by sycophants that nobody has the nerve to tell him his hair looks ridiculous? Yes, I suppose it is possible.
[Applause.]
New rule Columbia house, the 11 albums for a penny people 13 albums for a dollar people must not be allowed to file for bankruptcy, as they did this week.
They must be charged with crimes against humanity.
Who will speak for the millions who were forced to buy spandau ballet and Laura brannigan albums they didn't want? Or that Bruce Willis Bruno album? And who will hold to account the company that invented the "long-term contract you can never get out of" before verizon and comcast perfected it? [Applause.]
New rule Gwyneth Paltrow has to answer this question are you trying to make us hate you? This week, Gwyneth spoke about g.
M.
O.
Labeling on capitol hill, but when it was senator leahy's the urn to speak, she started tkting.
If this keeps up, you're going to ruin the end of the movie "seven" because when the audience finds out it's your head in the box they're just going to go good.
[Applause.]
Oh, sorry.
Spoiler alert.
New rule now that the thing we used to use to phone each other is being used for everything but phoning each other, we must stop calling it a phone.
It's time to call these things what they really are food cameras and douche bag locators.
[Applause.]
And in a related new rule Just so we're clear if you look directly at me and speak and then when I reply you point to your headset to indicate you're actually talking to someone else on the phone you're the asshole.
[Applause.]
All right.
And finally, new rule since it was my million-dollar check to Obama in 2012 that turned around his lacking campaign and put America back on the path to awesome exceptionalism, tonight I would like to announce that the time has come for me to step forward and save Hillary Clinton's lagging campaign, by digging down deep and forking over $1 million [applause.]
Worth of advice.
[Applause.]
Jennifer: We'll come back to you on that.
Bill: Sorry, I live in California.
I need that money to pay my water bill.
I know many liberal Democrats these days are expecting Bernie Sanders to be their standard-bearer now that he's ahead in New Hampshire, but I wouldn't have the couches in the oval office fitted for plastic slip covers just yet.
I love Bernie, but we must assume Hillary is going to be the nominee, and after witnessing the gruesome 100-car pile-up that is the Republican field, I, for one, am not going to stand idly by and let Hillary blow this thing.
The situation is and yes, the situation is dire.
Her positives are in free fall, can only 37% of Americans now viewing Hillary favorably, and 57% saying she's not treasures trustworthy.
If an election were held today she'd lose key battleground states to Scott Walker, a man who looks like a drunk in a silent movie who's just been punched by mistake.
Perhaps worst of all, one poll says she's now viewed negatively by white women with college degrees.
That's like Obama losing John legend.
Hillary, I don't want to sound like trump, but your campaign stinks and your numbers are terrible.
And speaking of trump, Hillary, you should be the one candidate who hits that blow hard as hard as he hits! Say something like, "Mr.
trump, you accuse Megyn Kelly of being on the rag, but what's going on with your hormones when you start whining every time a woman asks you a tough question, you little bitch?" [Applause.]
And that's my first bit of advice You've got to make the campaign more fun.
This week you introduced a detailed plan to make college more affordable, just as you've released detailed plans on immigration, climate change, taxes.
Whatever.
Honey, that's stuff that's actually relevant to the job of being president of the United States.
But this is America.
Campaigns aren't for policy.
Just say, "I will be the best at college affordability.
" [Applause.]
And enjoy it more.
A prominent supporter recently called your campaign joyless, and it kind of is.
Now, I know this presents a conundrum how do you appear more joyful but without that laugh? [Laughter.]
Bill: Yes, the laugh.
The one that makes people think you're the wicked witch of the west wing.
You have got to get rid of that.
And you've got to find a way to look like you're a spontaneous fun lover.
See, if Taylor swift has room in her girl gang for you, ride an inflatable penis with Miley Cyrus.
Lick a doughnut with Ariana Grande, pee in a bucket with Justin Bieber geez, girl, you invented bad blood.
Start a Twitter war with Katy Perry and then delete your tweets.
[Applause.]
Ok.
Next thing you have to do I want you to announce your v.
P.
Pick and I want it to be Baltimore slap mom.
[Applause.]
That's right.
Remember the woman during the Baltimore riots this year who slapped her son because he was throwing bricks at the cops? She's your ticket to the White House.
Liberals love her because she's a strong single mom, and conservatives love her because she beats the crap out of unarmed black teenagers.
[Applause.]
And finally, Hillary, your ace in the hole to get America back on your side is your husband, Bill Clinton.
[Applause.]
He has to have an affair.
Or at least you have to find a way to publicize one of the ones he's probably already having.
I say this because the years when you owned "most admired woman in America" were the years when he was doing it with anything that had shoulder-length hair and moved slower than he did.
You can get that magic back.
But bill has to humiliate you.
If at all possible, with rebel Wilson on the jumbotron at a cubs game while you're throwing out the first pitch.
With Jonah hill, but nah.
Ok, that's our show.
I'll be at the century ii in Wichita, Kansas, September 12th, the Washington pavilion in sioux falls, south Dakota, September 13th, and at the embassy theater in fort Wayne, Indiana, September 19th.
I want to thank my guests, Lawrence wilkerson, Jennifer granholm, Doug heye, talib kweli and sister Helen prejean.
Join us now on YouTube and thank you, folks.

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