Reaper s01e09 Episode Script

- Someone need my help outside? - Oh, young man? Could I trouble you to carry this to my car? Heavy.
- Ok, so this is the vessel? - That's a toolbox.
And it's for you.
Why do I need a toolbox? I need you to go handle some plumbing.
What, so now I'm your handyman? That's not part of the deal.
Actually, it is.
I own you, Sam.
If I ask you to take out the garbage in hell, that's what you'll do.
- Right.
- Don't fret.
This job won't be so bad.
Promise.
Am I glad to see you.
I'm Mimi.
Sorry about the get-up.
So what happened here? Ok, I know this sounds weird, but my washing machine is broken, and I needed some clean clothes, so I sort of tried to use the dishwasher instead.
Yeah, I never would have thought of that.
I mean, it's all soap, right? The thing is, some of the laundry items got stuck in the spinny thing in the bottom, and the whole thing just died on me.
Wait.
This is the embarrassing part.
The articles in question are of an intimate nature.
Yeah, I don't know if I'll be able to get these out.
I think I might have to-- cut them out of here.
Oh! I really wish you wouldn't.
They were a present.
Uh, ok, I'll-- let me see what I can do.
Just out of curiosity, how how were you referred to the Work Bench? Oh, my boyfriend handles all the household stuff.
Jerry.
He loves to take care of me.
This is from our trip to Cabo.
He's handsome, isn't he? Yeah, he He--he's a fine looking man.
Season 1, Episode 9 Ashes to Ashes Are you serious? The devil has a mistress named Mimi? I mean, does she have any idea that her boyfriend's the devil? None.
He's Jerry.
They went to an all-inclusive resort in Cabo last spring.
- Unlimited pina coladas.
- I love it.
I love it.
You know, if I was the dark lord, I would do the exact same thing, I'd have a mistress in every continent of the planet.
- He probably does.
- He probably does, doesn't he? God, he's living the dream.
I wanna be the prince of darkness.
No, no.
What's below prince? - Uh, duke.
- The duke.
I wanna be the duke of darkness.
Maybe could you talk to him for me? - Set up a little internship or - No.
- Not even a chance? - No.
Hey, have you talked to her yet? No, not since I tried to give her the necklace.
So you don't know where you're at.
Not a clue.
Incoming.
Incoming.
You guys must have done something enormously horrendous - to get food cart duty.
- Oh, yeah.
Some idiot posted a picture and profile of Ted on a bi-curious website.
He totally blamed us.
- You do it? - Of course.
Nice.
Can you actually cover my shift tomorrow? I have this family dinner thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, I could do that.
Great.
You're a life saver.
Thanks.
You see that? She's just acting like everything's normal.
Maybe it's not as big of a deal as you think.
Ben, last time I talked to her, I made her cry.
Tears, ok? Now it's like nothing even happened.
You know what? I know what she's doing.
She's acting like a dude.
- No, no.
- Yes, yes.
And that is awesome.
She's acting like a dude.
You know, anything gets too emotional or too hard, you just ignore it, right? Eventually it'll just go away.
Which makes Andi even more perfect, if that's possible.
Except for the part where she ripped your heart out and stomped on it.
That was rude and lame.
I--I can't ignore it.
I--I have to talk to her.
Well, it's pretty obvious she doesn't want to talk Sam.
Well, what else am I gonna do, wait till she wants to discuss things? I don't Wait, I get it.
I know what you're doing.
- You're acting like a chick.
- Shut--shut up! No, no.
I will not shut up.
You are acting like a chick, and she is acting like a dude.
That is so sad, Sam.
I don't know whether to hug you or kill you out of mercy.
Son of a bitch.
Very funny! I know it's you! You're not gonna scare me, so you can just let me out! I'm glad you don't scare easy.
Why do you have to do that? Well, it's kind of in my nature.
You know, supreme spirit of evil and all that? Yeah, kind of like your nature to be an "a" hole? Oh, that's beneath you, Sam.
You know names hurt.
Yeah, well, I've got another name for you, Jerry.
Doesn't ring a bell.
What is your deal with Mimi? Does she have any idea what you really are? Sam, I'm not interested in talking about her.
And don't bring it up again.
We're here for this.
That's your soul, Dennis Grayson.
He ran this very funeral home 10 years ago.
He had a very interesting way of, um, picking up extra cash.
- He sold body parts? - Yeah.
People would bring their loved ones to be cremated.
Before he'd fire up the ovens, he'd pick them over like a Thanksgiving turkey.
Anyway, he's back now.
In a way.
What way? Well, call it a ghost, or a spirit.
He incinerated his earthly form, so you can't see him.
But he'll still be a pain in your ass.
Great.
What's all this? Oh, I I enjoy spending time with these, um, - ceremonies.
- Right.
Yes.
People start asking questions-- "Why would god do this? Is there even a god?" I like to be here to try and provide some answers.
Here's a list of the people the soul is after.
I'd concentrate on this one.
Sarah Negly.
You find her, you find the soul.
This is a priority, Sam.
Quicker you find him, the better.
Oh, it's Mimi.
You'd better get over there first.
The washer's still a mess.
How--how'd you meet Jerry? Oh, uh, at an art show.
He just swept me off my feet.
Always knew the right thing to say.
Had this old world charm.
He's a real gentlemen.
That's a rarity these days.
That might be him.
He said he might call.
Hello? No, I don't want the newspaper.
No, no, thank you.
That, uh, that wasn't him.
Right.
I'm--I'm sure he'll call back.
He's a really busy guy.
So you-- you know Jerry personally? Oh, a little.
Very little.
I--I've worked with him time to time.
Odd jobs.
- What can you tell me about him? - I don't really-- Does he talk about his work? I mean, he told me he's an importer, but he's so secretive about his job.
I--I think he works for the government.
Oh, that's--that's an interesting thing.
Maybe--I don't know.
You know more than I would even know.
Please You're my only window into his world.
Any little thing you could give me, I'd appreciate.
- Oh, all right.
Whatever.
- Ok, thank you.
Oh, and I promise, I won't tell him we talked.
He would kill us.
Yeah, right, he would.
That's-- That's a funny thing to joke about.
Killing.
I'm officially a dick.
I just spent half the night telling Mimi how great Jerry is.
Why would you do that? I don't know.
I just felt sorry for her.
You know, she wanted to know all about him, and I couldn't bring myself to tell her he's the-- Unholy spirit, the poison of god, the despicableness of the earth.
Yeah.
Yeah, that.
She's just sad and lonely.
Oh, man.
The devil and I have the exact same taste in women.
Is she really flexible, too? Let's just do this.
That's good, actually.
I could use a little blow-out.
No, Bert.
Unless you want to spend eternity trapped inside that thing.
I think I'm looking pretty good today.
All right.
The devil said we find Sarah Negly, we find the soul.
Hey, guys, why don't we, go out the back door? What? Ted might see us.
Ted's at a linoleum conference.
Benny! Hey, grandma.
You're Ben's grandmother.
I cannot believe that we haven't met yet.
I am Sock.
Comprende? - She speaks english.
- Bueno.
I'm Sam.
I'm friends with your grandson.
Ben.
So That is quite the cart 'o party supplies you got there.
Throwin' a little triple kegger? Break out the old booze luge? Suckin' back? Uh, it's just for a family party.
Nothing huge, very tiny.
Grandma, this is my family discount card.
Me and the guys gotta run, but I will be by later to come help you.
Yes, grandma, I will be by later to come help you later.
We are out of here, ok? Ok, bye.
Come on, guys, let's go.
- It was nice meeting you.
- Nice to meet you grandma.
Oh, god.
Dude, your family has no idea who we are.
It just never came up.
But now you're having a big party with all your friends and family coming from all over? I didn't think you wanted to go.
I mean, it's gonna be pretty boring.
Right, yeah, because we hate parties, right? We hate music and booze.
We hate orgies.
Yeah, and what's with your grandmother staring - like she wants to kill me? - Yeah.
Ok, look.
A lot of people in my family believe my grandmother has the eye.
She says she can predict the future and see evil spirits.
Really? Nice.
Granny knows you're BFF's with satan.
Don't take it personally.
No, no, why would I ever take it personally? So the eye, huh? I like it, I like.
It's like some kick ass superhero.
Benny's grandmother is the eye! I can't believe we've never met your family.
- What is up with that? - Like I said, it just never happened.
Listen, Benny, you don't have to be embarrassed of your grandmother.
We all have crazies in our families.
Excuse me, but I'm not ashamed of my family in any way, ok? They're not the ones that embarrass me.
And what are you embarrassed by, Ben, huh? Oh, my god.
Can you believe I pulled that out of my head? Wait a second.
Are you ashamed of Sock? - Half right.
- Holy crap.
You're--you're ashamed of us? Yes? We were looking for a Sarah Negly.
My mother? She died a few years ago.
Are you sure? Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure.
I'm sorry, was your mother cremated by any chance? I mean, that's her urn on the mantle.
- If that's all - Wait! Have you heard of a Dennis Grayson? He's the son of a bitch who cut up and sold pieces of her body.
- Get out of here.
- Who do you think you are?! What the hell was that? I don't know.
An earthquake or something? What's happening? Sir, you might want to come with us.
What for? Oh, god! Open the door.
Come on! Sam! Oh, my god.
Sam, we have to get in there! Mr.
Negly? Mr.
Negly? Now we know how the ghost soul kills people.
It needs the ashes of the dead to make itself a body.
I can't believe how it killed Mr.
Negly.
I don't know what to do.
The devil's making this impossible.
Come on, Sam.
You gotta step back from this, all right? Step back from what? - Whining like a little school girl.
- Enough with that already! No, Sam, it's not enough.
Not until you change, all right? You need to channel all this negativity into some positive-ity.
- I'm serious, man! - And do what? I don't know.
Ask Andi out again.
Ok, she doesn't want to go out with me.
You need to ask her out, and when she says no, you have to ask her out again, and again and again.
All right? You need to be persistent, like the ocean, little waves of Sam crashing on the soars of Andi until she gradually wears down.
Or she gets a restraining order.
Ah, stop it! Stop with the negative energy, ok? You're bummin' me out.
You know what? You need to go to her.
You need to ask her out right now.
Ask her out.
Come on.
You have the power.
The positive energy, fill your heart, body and soul.
No, loins.
Go to her.
Go, and show her the power of your joy.
Go, Sam.
Come back to me a hero.
Hey, Andi.
- How's it going? - Good.
Liking those new pricing guns? Yeah, they're great, huh? Hey, you want to go to a movie this weekend? You know what? I can't do this weekend.
No problem.
Next weekend? - I don't think so.
- No problem.
Another time.
You just let me know.
I'll be here.
- Ok.
- Ok.
- Hey - Hey.
I think it's cool that you're a guy about everything, but maybe you don't want to do that.
What are you talking about, I'm a guy.
What? I just think maybe you might want to figure out what you're doing with him.
I mean, he's just waiting for you to make a move, Andi.
I mean, one way or another.
I know, I know.
But, Ben, this is just really complicated, ok? It's been so frustrating.
I honestly don't know what to do.
Well, does he still have a chance with you? Maybe.
Maybe is all I can say right now.
Ok.
Maybe's better than no, right? - All right, Ben, bring it back.
- Wait--wait! Ow.
Damate carpet.
Yeah, I checked the names on this list.
These are the people Grayson cremated.
Yeah, right after he sold the kidneys on the black market.
Yeah, the family sued when they found out.
He lost the business, killed himself.
Now he's back to settle the score.
Let me see.
There's so many names on this list.
I mean, how do we know who he'll go after next? I don't think we can.
If we don't collect all the ashes, the families of all these people will die.
- That's impossible.
- No, no.
No, nothing is impossible.
Illegal, yeah, stupid, most definitely, but not impossible.
Melissa Lambon? The Work Bench is about to make your day.
I don't remember entering any contest.
No, no, no.
You know what? All I know is your name was on our invoice.
I won't tell if you don't.
Deal? - Deal.
- Ok.
- Ok.
- I like you.
- That's nice.
- Husband's ashes, 9 o'clock.
- Found it.
- All right, your free prize is carpet.
You may choose a style and color from any of these samples.
They're all so lovely.
I--whoa, check-- Ha, check-- Oh, I almost dropped it.
Check-- Check this one out.
Take a check out.
That would look really nice in my bedroom.
Just keep going.
Yeah, I feel like the weirdest drug dealer of all time.
Think you can snort this stuff? Pretty solid day.
We got a lot of work done.
Yeah.
We also promised to install about $30,000 worth of carpeting.
Yeah, they'll probably forget.
So what now, boys? Mom's still in Vegas, I got the car for another 2 days.
What say we pour a bottle of tequila in my face? Nah, I can't.
I gotta go and help my family - Do stuff.
- Oh, right.
Secret family reunion.
Yeah, have fun at that big party without your friends who embarrass you.
You guys don't understand, all right? It's a matter of survival.
My grandmother's unforgiving.
Why do you care what she has to say? She's the matriarch, all right? I mean, she rules the roost.
I mean, to her I'm a huge disappointment.
I'm the black sheep of the family.
She wanted me to be a priest! Instead, I'm making minimum wage at a home improvement store.
- Why is that our fault? - It's not your fault.
But what I'm saying is, is if you guys go to the party and anything goes wrong-- What?! I could get booted out of the house completely.
You know, my uncle Hector got drunk at a wedding.
Grandmother just doesn't let anyone talk to him anymore.
- Where's uncle Hector now? - He lives in the house.
No one can talk to him.
Do you understand what I'm saying? All right, all right, yeah, we won't go to your party! We will not go to the party.
All right? Thank you.
Thank you.
No hard feelings, right? - No.
- No.
- All right, great.
- Take you home.
But just out of curiosity, Sock embarrasses you more than me, right? - Absolutely.
- Damn skippy.
I win.
- Thanks for the ride.
- No problem, buddy.
He listen.
Pop the trunk.
I need to get the ashes inside.
No, no, don't worry, don't worry.
I'll get them properly and respectfully stored, ok? - Get some rest.
- All right.
Just take this-- Jeez, what are you doing here? No, what are you doing, Sam? Did I tell you to desecrate remains, or did I tell you to capture a soul? We're not desecrating anything.
If we don't collect the ashes, all those families will die.
Oh, brother.
What are you, a boy scout now? Just find the guy and put him away.
It would help if we knew where he was going to strike next.
I gave you a list.
What, do I have to draw you a map, too? Maybe I should change your diaper while I'm at it.
Baby want a ba-ba? What is your problem? I am busting my ass here.
You stop worrying about the living.
Start concentrating on the dead, Sam.
- I mean it.
- Fine.
Are we done? No.
I'm getting messages from Mimi.
Strange, demanding messages.
That's never happened before.
Now, exactly what are you saying to her? Nothing.
But all that woman ever does is talk about how awesome you are.
She just waits around for you to call.
Well, she's free to spend her time however she chooses.
I made no promises.
- My conscience is clear.
- You don't have a conscience.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
What a break.
She's put her life on hold for you.
You should let her go.
You should stay out of things that you know nothing about.
Do your job, and keep your mouth shut.
Or I'll shut it for you.
Hey, Sam.
That's nice.
Who's it for? Andi.
So you're finally making your move, huh? No.
I tried.
She, uh, she said she couldn't accept it.
So what are you going to do? I don't know.
We're kinda in this weird limbo thing right now.
She's acting like it never happened.
Ah, maybe it never will.
Wait, Sam, do you have any idea how long I had to chase down your mother before she'd even talk to me? I was practically a stalker.
- Worked out ok.
- Persistence is king, Sam.
I mean, how long have you known Andi? - What? - Uh, well, no it's just Yeah, that's a long time.
But, hey, you know, you can always hope for a miracle, right? You don't think I should wait for her? That's up to you, son.
I'd hate to tell you to give up, but I'd also hate to see you spend your whole life waiting.
I don't know what do with this list.
How the hell are we going to figure out where the soul is striking next? I just don't want the devil to sew my lips shut again.
Or any other parts of my body.
Yeah, that's cool, man.
You are totally not listening to me.
We should be at that party, Sam.
- Ben's family's party? - Yes, Ben's family's party.
We are family.
He can't just pretend we don't exist.
He can't ignore us like we're some people to ignore, you know? Yeah, you're right.
- We should go to that party.
- Yeah, yeah, good.
- Because-- - Because? Because we need his grandmother's help.
She's got the eye, right? To see the future.
Maybe she can help us figure out where the soul is going next.
Uh, Mimi? We're gonna-- we're gonna go.
We'll come back tomorrow to fix the washing machine.
Ok.
Mimi, are you all right? Jerry called.
Said he was coming over.
So, as usual, I get ready, and as usual, he doesn't show up.
- It's pathetic.
- No.
Mimi, no.
That is totally messed up, ok? You cannot let Jerry treat you like that.
I mean, look--look at you.
Look at how hot you are! You're like a big plate of "yeah!" sittin' right there.
Come on.
You know what? You are comin' out with us.
No, I'm--I'm not in the mood.
Well, that, my pretty young lady friend, is what beer bongs are for.
Let's go! Come on, I'm not taking no for an answer, young lady.
Let's shake that tail feather, huh? No, no, no! - You can't come in here! - We got presents! Look.
Bought your grandmother a book.
It's in spanish.
- It's french.
- What? You know, it's never too late to learn a new language.
- Uh, maybe I should just go home.
- No, nonsense.
Meems, you get in there and enjoy yourself, ok? We'll be right behind you.
I-I-I don't even know how much I can stress to you guys my ass will be living in the bench if you mess up my life.
Ben, we need your grandma to use her eye to tell us who the next victim is.
Sam, I don't know if she can do that.
It's our only shot.
If we don't find out who the soul is going after next, people will die.
Come on! Benny Come on, come on! Just be cool.
Ice.
Ice.
Promise.
I haven't done this in years.
Jerry won't take me dancing.
Huh, well, I hate to break it to you, Meems, but Jerry might be into dudes.
You are so much fun! I know, right.
Oh, I can't imagine what Jerry would do if he saw us together.
He'd go berzerk.
- You think? - Totally.
- He's got the worst temper.
- Oh, really? Abuelita mi amigo, el es un tipo bueno.
Y el solamente necesita su sabiduria y regalo.
Hello, ma'am.
I need your help.
With an evil soul.
Someone on this list is gonna get killed very soon.
If you could tell us who that is, we might be able to stop it from happening.
Uh, she says she needs more information, and she has to look at the palm of your hand.
El diablo! Sam! Sam, you should come inside.
We'll get some iodine on that hand.
You know what, I--I need to get home and heal.
Goodnight, Mimi.
Sam, can I talk to you? Just for a minute.
Sure.
Yeah.
Look, I just wanted to ask, um, I-I know it's weird, me asking you for advice.
I hardly know you.
Yeah, I'm--I'm probably not the guy who should be advising you on-- Do you think I should break it off with Jerry? It's just, I've been hanging on for, god, on and off, more than 20 years now, and always going back to him.
Always hoping he'll make a commitment.
But now I don't think he ever will.
And maybe it's time stop waiting and move on.
What do you think I should do? I I-- I think I think you should leave him.
Do you feel that? Sam! Sam! - What was that? - Do you have any, um-- Ashes? Dead people's ashes? Uh, my mother was cremated a few years-- I-I would love to pay my respects.
Where is she?! Was this an earthquake? Where are they? Where are the ashes? Why? Do you need to-- We need to save them from the earthquake.
They're in a bag on the shelf over the washing machine.
Oh, we got 'em, we got 'em.
Yeah.
Sock, wait! - Guys! - Oh, no! I left the backpack at the party.
The vessel's inside it! You gotta protect yourself, Sam! Protect your orifices! I see it! I see it! I got it! - You got it? - Yeah! Nice hands, body! Sam, that's bad, right? Duct tape.
Duct tape, Sam.
Oh all right, hit me.
Hit me hard, come on.
What the hell happened? Are those my pantyhose? What? Oh, these? I I thought these were mine.
Uh, we weren't able to fix the washing machine, and the pipes were backed up.
That's That's what the booming was.
The wet-dry vac got jammed.
We gotta get a new one.
We'll be back to clean this up later.
Ok.
Sam.
How did we not know Mimi was on the list? She must be using her maiden name.
Interesting, Sam.
Don't care, open the trunk.
Are you sure we have the soul and not just the ashes? Forget that question.
Come on, come on! Caught your ass, ash man! Caught your ass, you ash! Yeah! Can you not taunt the soul? Let's just get to the center and find the vessel.
Ok.
Ok.
Ben, yeah, we need to get back into the community center.
I don't care that you're with your grandma.
Just bring the keys.
Almost there, buddy.
I'll be glad to blow-dry this chalky bastard back to hell.
Oh, he's a feisty one! Sock? What did you say you did with all the bags of ash we collected? The ash? I took care of it.
Right.
How exactly did you take care of it? Where did you put it? Nowhere.
- It's still in the trunk.
- It's still in the trunk.
It's still in the trunk! I'm just gonna be really fast, ok, grandma? There's hatred in her eyes.
I saw hatred in the woman's eyes.
- Do you have it? - I just got here! Benny, open the door.
Open it! Ok.
We have a whole lot of ash in there! Let's go, let's go, let's go! Come on! - I found it.
- All right.
Cover your faces.
I feel much safer now.
This is really ineffective, Sam! We're alive! I don't know how much time I have left.
- What? - Ben, what'd she say? She said I'm doing god's work, and I finally have her blessing.
That's great.
You know, she's worth millions.
Thank you.
Oh, congratulations on a job well done, once again.
- Thank you.
- No, no, no, Sam.
Thank you so much.
Mimi's moving to New Mexico.
That's too bad.
Isn't it? She said something about not waiting around for me anymore and starting a new life.
Now, where on earth would she get those ideas, Dr.
Phil? It was her choice.
I just told her what her options were.
You're really broken up about this.
Sam, don't confuse sentimentality with practicality.
I spent a lot of time corrupting Mimi.
And I was this close to destroying her self esteem.
You're lying.
You sent me to her house to protect her.
You were the one breaking all her stuff so I'd be there to save her from the soul.
Well, you have me all figured out, do you, Sam? Yeah, I do.
I think you really cared about her.
Want to see how much I cared about her? She's dead.
- What? - That's right.
With the snap of my fingers, Mimi just got hit by a bus.
Gruesome.
You can't tell her from the pavement.
And that's on you, buddy.
- You sick son of a-- - Oh, calm down, hero.
I'm screwing with you.
Mimi's fine.
- Greatest movie ever.
- I know.
I saw it like a zillion times when I was kid.
Except for that part with the vampire bats.
You know, I've only ever seen that through my fingers.
It's yours.
Only a quarter.
No.
Finders, keepers.
But, um, if you try to take this copy of Highlander 2: The quickening.
I'm gonna fight you.
Sam! You made it.
- I'll give you 50% off.
- Thank you.
Hey, so, New Mexico, wow.
You heard, huh? Is he upset? If I say yes, are you gonna change your mind and get back together with him? - Because, then no.
- I'm not gonna change my mind.
I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life.
Thank you.
- I didn't really do anything.
- Yes, you did.
You gave me the little push I needed, showed me what I was missing in life.
I can't wait around for Jerry anymore.
I've wasted so much time.
I deserve better.
You do.
Cady, come here.
I want you to meet my daughter.
Cady, this is Sam.
This is your daughter? Yeah, and I'm gonna miss her so much.
And maybe the two of you can hang out.
I'd feel a lot better knowing somebody was looking out for her.
Yeah.
So you're not going to go to New Mexico with your mom? No way.
It's too hot.
Mom, you can't sell my ninja turtles.
Ok.
All right.
Donatello, her first boyfriend.
- I'll see you around, Sam.
- Yeah.
Nice meeting you.
Hey, Mimi how-- how long was it that you've known Jerry? On and off, more than 20 years, long time.
But that's all behind me.
I'm starting a new life.
The devil has a child.
You know, I never thought that the devil had genitals.
What, like a Ken doll? I don't think she's his daughter.
She's really nice.
I don't know, Sam.
I don't like it.
This satan's trying to get you to hook up with his daughter.
You know, I bet she wants your man seed.
What? No.
Yeah, sure, think about it.
You knocked her up, right, then the devil has a little Sam baby running around catching souls for him when he grows up.
After, you know, you kick.
Which I hope will not be for a very long time.
You know what, I think I'm going to give Cady a call.
What about Andi? I don't know.
What have I been hanging onto, a glimmer of hope? I could wait forever and miss out on living my life.
- Let's do this.
- Yep, let's do it.
Now.
Is it wrong, what we're doing? Huh? No, no.
Man, we're heroes.
It's totally cool.
We should say something.
We saved your families from a giant ash monster.
You're welcome.
Amen.
- That was nice.
- Thank you.