Reaper s02e13 Episode Script
The Devil & Sam Oliver
Welcome to the Work Bench! Hello! Welcome to the Work Bench.
Your aura is so strong today, just really beautiful Good for you! - What is that? - New greater.
Welcome to the Work Bench.
- You look like you need help.
- No, we work here.
That is so GREAT! I am Mary Pat.
I just started today.
Group hug! No.
It's like that gum that bursts that stuff in your mouth.
- Le flavor? - Yeah, exactly, I hate that gum.
- Any word from Tony? - No, I can't get hold of him.
You sure he'll be able to translate the incantation? Tony has been a demon since the original fall, if anyone can it's him Yeah, he can.
I mean he has to.
Ach my apron is in the stock room.
I'll be right back All right.
Is so sad.
Taken so young.
So full of life.
Who, the monkey? They called him Jimbo.
Jimbo the dancing monkey.
Any time I felt a bit blue.
I came and I watched Jimbo dance, dance that monkey dance.
He was even thought to pickpocket.
so multi-talent.
Sorry? So, ehm, new soul? - Sam? - Yeah? I need my Jimbo fix.
I want you to dance like a monkey.
- No.
- Yes! I want you to put on this fez And dance like Jimbo.
You are out of your skull.
I am not making a monkey dance for you.
Perhaps you do not understand the exact nature of our relationship I own you.
When I ask you to do something, You just do it.
That's simple.
- I hate you.
- I know.
Dance monkey, dance! Oh, come on! Put your heart and soul into it man! Dance like your life depends upon it! It does! Monkey dance! He's doing the monkey dance! Reaper - Season 02 Episode 13 Finale "The Devil and Sam Oliver" Welcome to the Work Bench! Have a fantastic day! It's been a horrible day First he sticks me with the sucky soul assignment and then he makes me dance like a monkey? Yeah, I'm afraid I have to side with the devil on that one, Sammy Sound like a pretty special monkey.
- Thanks for understanding - You got it.
Soul is Roger Lund.
Says is a dug dealer.
Wow.
Must be a pretty bad ass to need this Yeah, speaking of bad ass, You're about to witness the maiden voyage of the color-blendo 3000 paint mixer.
Did you read the instructions? All I need is an on switch, Sammy.
Instructions? Pfffth! That was awesome! Mary Pat, are you all right? Of course, silly.
My fairies put this lucky penny on the floor.
They saved me.
Y-your what? My fairies.
They protect me from harm.
Welcome to the Work Bench.
Have a splendid day! Let's do it.
- Unit 5, This is the place.
- This soul is a drug dealer? Obviously not a real good one.
I expected it to be you know.
.
- Swankier? - Yeah more swank.
Hey woo, where did you get those? - Bench, gardening section.
- Reasonably priced.
- Hey.
- Hey.
You're hunting buffalo, or something? We are here to send you back to hell.
Oh, no, man.
That is tragic! Wait.
Just let me get my tickle on first.
His tickle you know.
His mellow.
Shake hands with Zeus, ride on the wavy train, - Storm in the gates of Mordor.
- He wants to get high.
- Thank you.
- Just say no.
Oh, man don't be like that You know what a complete downer hell is? I have to be racked to face that again.
Please? All right, fine, just hurry up.
If you wanna to get high, yet keep your body clean Licking a toad is really the best way.
Unless you get a poisoned one.
No.
No, thank you.
Sam, Sam! Get him, Benji! Sammy! Sock, get the vessel! The vessel! Yeah! That feels like a rope.
Like I fire hose, you know? Do you have any idea what you can do with a licker like that? Beyond the obvious, I mean.
No, no! We are not bringing those home with us.
What I don't want the death of innocent toads on my conscious Do you? Right, fine, fine.
Bring them.
Bring them.
Great, you can get the other tanks.
Great moment to make an executive decision, Sam.
King Charlie, meet Principe.
Now you can kiss the prince all day, But he will always stay small, green and ugly.
Right? Coming.
OK, come on.
- Hi grandma.
- Hola, Benjamin.
Come in, sit down.
Grandma, how are you? Are you OK? How is your heart? - You look good.
- I look like garbage.
My health is ailing, mijo.
I fear I'm not long for this world Don't say that grandma.
But until that time comes I wanna tie up loose ends.
and to apologize for the way I treated your girlfriend.
I'm inviting you to dinner at my house.
- Both you and Nina.
- Really? I don't wanna leave this world with regrets.
Ok, yeah, yeah, we'll come to dinner.
W-w-w-what is this a zoo? Hey.
Any luck finding what the symbols mean? Not even close.
I think some of these are older than language.
Cooool! You guys think in magik with a k too? My fairies got me believing in all things supernatural.
- Your fairies? - Well they save me from everything.
Always looking out for me.
Just wish they'd save me from my self filthy habit Have super fun with your book on the occult! She's sweet.
In a crazy Chucky Cheese animatronic creature kinda way.
Is she smoking up with the propane tanks? Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
Mary Pat! Are you OK? - Am I all right? - Yeah.
I'm Incredible! I was surrounded by the heavenly warmth of a hundred fairies! Message received! That's my last cigarette ever! Okay, we need to get you looked at.
Come on.
The blast went around her? Maybe she really was protected by a fairy.
Oh, Sam! A fairy? Steve? Do I look like a fairy to you? Whop don't answer that! Come here! I just keep telling myself, "you gotta start at the bottom, Steve".
Even though you were among the holiest of hoes, Even though guardian angel duty is super entry level.
and completely beneath me, rise above.
Dignity, class, beauty.
That is my mantra.
- Great.
Listen, Steve - So these days I just spend my time protecting that fairy loving whacko from killing herself.
Just a stepping stone.
Just a weird, crazy, accident prone stepping stone, with no fashion sense.
Hey Steve, do you have any idea where Tony is? Yes I do.
He is at a Spa in Tahoe with little Stevie.
It is this wonderful place we used to go to.
And you know what it is? They just, they both need a little bit pampering these days.
Dam it.
I need him to translate something.
You know what? Maybe you can do it.
Where did you get this? We copied it from a scroll my dad found in hell.
Nina says is an old demon language.
Yeah.
- Can you read it? - Oh, well, I mean, Tony really was more the reader in the relationship.
But, ahm, I think I can translate.
That's great! What does it say? Okay, well, I believe this is an incantation summoning the devil into a - contest.
- Yes! Yeah! That's, that's exactly what it is.
OK how--how do I do it? Okay, you have to say these words, exactly.
And then he'll appear, And then he is compelled to compete in a contest that you choose.
If you give me a day I can write down a phonetic pronunciation for you.
Thank you, thank you, you are amazing.
You have no idea what this means to me.
Ahm, what contest should I do? That depends on you, Sam.
I mean it's you know it's whatever you are good at.
- Right, right, what I am good at.
- Yeah.
Sam? Sam, come on, Sam.
Everybody is good at something.
You are in shape.
- Sports? - No, I am terrible.
- Okay.
Math? - Even worst.
Moving on to the arts.
Pictionary! Never played it.
Sounds too much like dictionary.
Music.
Yes! That's it! That is it.
You are a genius! So what is all this stuff? Stuff that my mother saved from elementary school.
Aha, this is it! My ticket out of my deal with the devil.
I didn't know you played a musical instrument, Sam.
Neither did I.
Yeah, in third grade Ms.
Ward said I was the best in the class.
She made me first chan in the school orchestra.
I was better than fourth graders.
All right, Sammy, let's hear a little zap.
I didn't play in a while, but should be like riding a bike, right? Go on.
There it is.
Okay, bring it back, bring it back.
- Yeah! - Yeah! All right, Sammy, you are good at something.
Righ? Right? Right? See, I can do this! You got it.
Oh, my God, Andi! You spoke to me just now.
I thought you just spoke to my heart, and Ben's I think.
I played all through high school.
And you quit in third grade, Sam.
I have a feeling that the devil is probably better than me.
You're right, who am I kidding? Drink it! Drink up, Benji, Drink up! Look, you have been by far the most considerate boyfriend.
And yet how is that going to help me to get out my deal with the devil? Well my mom liked you better than any other guy I dated.
Again, not helpful.
I can't challenge the devil to be a nice boyfriend contest.
- Face it, I suck at everything.
- That's not true, Sammy.
You are good at a lot of things.
You can challenge him to a power nap contest.
You guys remember why I was always the designated driver? Nice, Sammy.
Because I never, ever had to drink.
Oh, my God! Sam! Wow! Because I never, ever missed.
Ben put it on the floor.
Put it on the floor, Benji.
Floor! Floor! Floor! You are amazing.
Oh, my God, that's it! I got it! I got the devil! I can get out of my deal! Yeah you can.
Grandma hates double ding-dongs Ben, sweetie, don't be so nervous.
Hi, Benjamin! give your abuela a big kiss! Hello, grandma Gonzales.
Thank you so much for inviting us.
Well thank you for blessing my home with your visit.
- Come in.
- Okay.
Ben, Nina, I want you to meet father O'Malley.
Father O'Malley, this is my grandson.
and the girl that I spoke you about.
- How do you do? - Ah, why is he here? - Ah, I am here to help.
- Help what? Padre O'Malley is an exorcist.
An exorcist? Yes, your grandmother informed me of Nina's demonic possession.
I am here to server God's eviction notice.
What? No, no, there will be no exorcism.
We all want the same thing! We want you to be happy.
And you! We want you the be cleansed of that foul corruption Oh, I just thought we discuss it over some Paella.
Grandma, I love Nina, understand? I love her just the way she is.
But like always you gotta make everything the way you think it should be! We're out of here.
Ben, I do it for you! I do it for you, Ben! - I know you better than that.
- Then you know that I mean what I say.
Until your lady is free of all evil you are out of this family.
- Out! - Bye! Okay, that's four all right? Andi, Andi, Andi, you don't have to drink every time I sink one in.
Sammy, this is the way the game is played.
- So, yes I do.
- No, you don't.
Oh, my God.
- You OK? - You must hate me.
Why would I hate you? Because you even say so yourself, Sam! I thought you were evil.
Evil.
You know what I did? I gave you the boot.
- I don't hate you.
- So when you need me, Where am I? Bail on you.
Bail on you every time! This would be a lot to handle for anyone.
Most people would completely freak out.
But not you.
You have been great! You've been better than great.
You've been amazing.
- Let's have sex.
- Let's what? Yeah, you know what, because, because I want to be there for you.
Yep.
And I want to be there on you.
Andi, wow! Andi, Andi! Ehi, ehi, ehi! Are you OK? OK.
OK, I'm gonna n-need your help.
I'm getting nuded for you.
I have a better idea.
You need some rest.
I need more practice.
OK.
I love you.
I love you too.
L-l-l-listen the point is, Benjamin, I invented it.
- No no you didn't! - Yes, I did! Oh, my God, dudes have been doing sex moves - For like a thousand of years! - So? There is literally nothing that hasnt been done.
Except this! The shark attack is mine! Wow, wow, what's the new move? Sock thinks he invented the shark attack.
The shark attack, yeah.
All right, basically is like in Jaws.
When like all you see the shark's fin, right? So what happens is: the lady lies on the bed Naked preferably, dude does this crab walk Around the foot of the bed, so all she can see Is the shark's fin, You dig? OK, have you done the shark's attack? - Every time I have sex.
- Lies! I can tell you that Egyptian Pharaohs used to do it like twice a week, OK and-and probably only called it like Dinosaur attack, or something like that - So that is what they called it? - It is been done! Oh, the Mastodon? Is that what they called it? You and your crazy ideas.
You are going to back that up? So, I translated the scroll.
This is the incantation you need to challenge the devil.
OK.
And the suit? The suit is an exact copy of the devil's suit.
only in your size.
See, there was a final symbol in the scroll which translates to "reflection" meaning you need to reflect the devil, Appear his equal.
Is mostly kinda a symbolic gesture.
You know it levels the playing field.
- Take that.
- OK.
As the devil reflection, You need to always stand up straight.
You need to keep that arrogant swagger.
A tan would not hurt.
And never, ever, let him see you sweat.
I will.
I will be rooting for you.
Flight 11 to control tower we are coming in for final approach.
No! No, Ben, no more fry planes.
Please, open the hangar doors! Ben, listen.
I wanted to thank you.
For standing up to your grandmother.
- I think that was really sweet.
- Anything for you, baby.
So, how long do you think before she stops being mad at you? Never.
I am dead to nana.
Which means I am dead to the family.
Soon all evidence of Benjamin Casper Perez Gonzalez will be erased.
- That's terrible.
- Yeah.
Being stripped of my personal history and emotional identity.
But, hey, look what I get in return.
You! Give me a cup of sugar.
Nice.
What do you want, Pacey? There is some dude outside jacking your ride.
Baby, they are towing your car! Jose? - You know him? - Yeah, he's my cousin.
Jose, what are you doing? Jose, what the hell man? She said I am not allowed to speak to you.
Who? I am having the car repossessed.
But I bought it! Oh yeah, while I co-signed the loan.
That when I had a grandson.
I don't have a grandson anymore.
Don't worry.
I get you a good car.
You like Pontiac? I get you a Pontiac Vibe.
Nice car.
Sexy.
What? Sam? Oh my gracious, look at this, huh? Oh, you are clever, Sammy.
I have to completely give it up to you man.
I was surprised.
And that's a rare thing.
- Congrats.
- I am not here for props.
I think you have to do something for me now.
Oh, is that so? You want your soul back? You think you can defeat me in a contest? What would that contest entail? Who is better at slacking off? Who can be the biggest failure? Just what exactly is it that you can beat me at, Sammy? Because we both know the only thing that you really excel at is being a full time looser.
Really? A drinking contest? Oh, you are even dumber than I thought, buddy boy.
I can't get drunk! The game is quarters.
I'm kinda awesome at it.
Five shots, most in wins, questions? Nope.
After you.
Five for five.
- Perfect.
- Yeah.
- A little unusual for you.
- Stop stalling and shoot.
You know something, Sammy? I feel I owe you an apology.
Sometimes I underestimate you.
And that's unfair.
I just assume you are going to mess up.
But you know what they say about the word "assume" It makes and ass out of you and on occasion me.
Man am I relieved! You know, this is my first time doing this.
I am really a little impressed with myself.
All right fine, first round is a tie.
Round two.
I go first.
Oh, I don't think so.
There is no second round.
You had your contest.
It ended in a draw, end of story.
No! Somebody has to win.
Right.
You have to win.
And you didn't.
And that's all she wrote.
You only get one shot out of that.
Didn't you read the fine print on the incantation? - That's not fair! - Oh, sure it is.
You had a chance to win, you made a valiant effort.
But let's be honest.
I'm damned good.
Oh hey, come on, don't feel so bad.
I just don't have a reason to compete with you anymore.
I already own you.
Now if you feel you had something to make it worth my while I may give you a rematch.
If you think of anything, you let me know.
'Night.
Ok! Mission accomplished.
So what did you guys get? Everything I made for my grandmother.
This ashtray I made in fourth grade.
This Christmas ornaments I did in third grade.
And this hand turkeys, I made ever since I was two years old - What did you get Sock? - DVD player.
Ben's favorite childhood DVD Player.
It's very sentimental - You feel better now? - Yeah.
She's not the only one that can hit where it hurts.
This is wrong.
- This is all wrong.
- What are you talking about? I can't be the one that tears you apart from you family.
- No you are not! - I am going to do the exorcism.
You can't do that.
Is too dangerous! No is not.
Nothing can happen to me.
I am not afraid of that priest.
I'll just.
fake it! I'll yell and I'll scream ' "Aahh! You know so they think that the demon just flew out of me.
So it won't actually not work? So you are not going to get hurt, right? I'll be fine.
Oh, oh, hold on! This thing plays Blu Ray.
We have to go back and get the flattie Hey! Look who I've found.
You found Gladys? Yeah! I paid her to translate the demon's scroll so you can get out of your deal! Yeah the meter is running.
So let's get the show on the road.
What? What's wrong? That was it.
That was my chance.
I had the devil right where I wanted him, and I let him slip through my fingers.
I am right back where I started from.
I am screwed.
No, still does not explain the suit.
You look like Justin Timberlake took a dump.
Steve gave the suit to me after he translated the scroll.
He say that I have to dress like the devil.
I have to reflect his appearance in order to beat him.
What? It doesn't say that.
It doesn't say reflect the devil.
It says the devil's reflection.
The devil's vanity is his weakness.
What you should have done is take a big mirror with you to the competition.
You know like a distraction.
The devil can't resist looking at himself.
Well that doesn't do me any good now, does it? There must be a way to challenge him again.
No.
He said I have to make it worth his while I got nothing to give him.
I need another drink Steve, what a dope.
I always knew he couldnt read.
Gladys, I need a favor.
I'm not making out with you! All right.
I'll make out with you.
How do I get a meeting with the devil? Hey, are you sure about this? Because you do not have to - Yes I am sure.
- OK.
- Hi, mijo.
- Hey grandma.
You remember father O'Malley? - Hello.
- Hi.
Can I get you anything? A soda, water? Eh, no, I am fine, thank you.
I would love a beer.
What? Father's going to knock this out no problem, right father? I can't make any promises but I hope too, yes.
So Nina, why don't you and I head upstairs? - and we can start it, shall we? - OK.
"Dear Ben, I want you to know how much I love you and how special these last few months with you have been But I lied.
There is a good chance that this exorcism will work, and if that happens I will be sent back to hell.
I am sorry I did not tell you this was a possibility but ultimately I couldn't accept the fact that I was the reason you were no longer part of your family and if we never see each other again, I will think about you every day.
Love always, Nina.
All right don't you worry kiddies Sock's on his way gonna save your asses! Here we go! Is hot here! Oh, what is going on? What's happening?! Come on! Hi.
Mind if I have a second with her? Certainly.
- Hey.
- Hey.
So, put on a good show, all right?.
- OK.
- All right.
- Ben, wait.
- Yeah? - I love you.
- Oh, that's sweet.
Break a leg you two! OK! OK.
Are you tripping out? Oh, is nobody else in the car Is it you, Sam no No way! You are not going to stop me! No way nannie.
Oh, her magic is strong! my caddie is gone there! Die, you pint size witch! Most glorious prince of the heavenly armies, Michael the archangel defend us In our battle against the rulers of the darkness Why so dry.
my mouth is so draaaaaaaaaaaahy who the hell? Gooood! The blood of the martyrs come after you Sounds like is going pretty well.
I'll get it.
Sock! Something is happening with my mouth! What? Nina! Sock, Sock, hey Sock Hell spawn, the blood of the martyrs compels it! In the name of God! Ah! Who are you? Menudo.
Benjamin, get him out of here! No, no, no! Ben, Nina loves you so much, and she will love you forever! Hey guys I think is gone! Well, how do you feel? I feel good.
I think you should worry about him.
I think that the demon jumped.
Oh so now it resides in this poor men, does it? If you want to dance demon, you'll dance with me.
Sorry Sock I need your opinion Sammy.
On my lapel which you think makes my eyes pop more? Carnation or Lily? I know both are right That is the beauty of wearing a dark suit and having this face.
Go away.
Oh, why the big frown? I thought you'd be on cloud nine.
- Why would you think that? - You and me, quarters rematch.
Is all set up.
You didn't know? What are you talking about? Someone made it worth my while.
So the contest is back on.
- Someone? Who? - Your girl.
Andi.
She put up her own soul as collateral.
She must be really into you.
You are a lucky guy.
Tell me you didn't do it.
Yeah, I-I kinda did.
Andi what were you thinking? I was thinking that I want you out of your deal.
This is the only way to do it.
No you have to stop it.
You have to go back to the devil and tell him that you changed your mind.
No.
No, I want to do it.
I need to do this.
I believe in you.
And I believe that you can beat him.
And I am tired of being alone.
- Aren't you? - Is too much to risk.
Well is my risk to take.
We are going to beat the devil, Sam! I know it.
Come on.
- You're nervous? - Yeah.
Are you? Oh yeah.
This is for the lady's file.
Is not every day that I get to win such a beautiful trophy Yeah, we'll see about that I'm already liking the woman's touch.
Very nice Andi, well it spruces the place up Sam, get this over with.
Yeah, Sammy.
Let's do get this over with.
There is something else Andi brought to the party.
This time I think you should go first.
Now I know you are the brains of this operation.
Your turn.
Sam, you just have to get two in.
You got this.
I am a bad looser.
All right? Make you sure, if you eventually win this thing don't expect any hugs or grab ass.
There are shot glasses in the housewere.
I will be right back.
Hey buddy.
Steve, hey.
What are you doing here.
I heard some bonehead screwed up an ancient translation.
Guilty.
Ah, don't worry about it man.
Do you have any idea what a Mensch you are? Thanks, listen I gotta go.
I am about to get out my deal with the devil.
I know.
I heard.
And let me just say how truly, deeply sorry I am.
Sorry for what? Sam, I'm so sorry.
Why? Is for the best.
That's all I know.
Oh, my God! Sam, what happened? - Is broken.
- What?! - How? - Can't talk about it right now.
Hey, Sammy, come on, if you want to forfeit, All you have to do, is say so.
No.
No forfeit.
Oh, man.
That's pathetic, come on.
Just stop right now.
Please.
For your own sake.
I still have one good hand.
You are not leftie, eh? Shut up.
Oh, this is hard to watch.
So Let's just take a survey who had the worst week I lost my soul to the devil.
Top that.
An angel broke my hand is six places.
which evidently means, heaven hates me.
and the devil still owns my soul.
Ok, let's recap for Sock.
I got frog roofied.
My mouth is like sand.
My mind is melting.
I tasted music and it tasted like garbage.
I had a pretty good week.
What? Sock saved my girlfriend from going back to hell.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
I really hate your grandmother.
- I know.
- Yeah.
Let me get fruit on my pancakes.
- Sure.
- Whipped cream, maybe.
Sure.
Ahhh so.
.
I am really sorry that your soul got damned for eternity Thats that's a bummer.
- Let's Come here.
- Thanks Sock.
I'm sorry.
Thank you, Ben.
Shotgun.
Look Andi I want you to know I feel terrible about what happened.
You put yourself on the line, put your soul on the line.
And I let you down.
I don't expect you to forgive me.
I just .
only hope that - What was that about? - The devil owns my soul, But I don't feel any different, you know? And I still love you more than I ever did.
And as bad as things seem I'm really happy.
- Is that weird? - Yes, completely.
We can still try to get out of our deals with the devil.
And we can try to change our fates You did it once before, and we can try again.
You know if nothing else then we have time together.
Then I am happy too.
Then I am happy too.
Steve, what do you want? I thought I heard you over say you are happy.
I figured it would be a good time to poke in.
Get out! Look, I'm not exactly pleased With the way things turned out either, but I just Hey, Ow! Andi, are you throwing rocks at me? Yes, I am trying to break your hand Hey, Sam, would you please tell her to quit it.
Ow! Would you let me explain?! Fine, fine, explain.
What is your explanation? I'm acting from.
.
on orders from upstairs.
I don't know exactly why they had me do the things that they had me do.
Guys! Stop! Stop! You've every right to be upset.
But throwing rocks is never constructive.
Enough! Yeah I got my wings earlier today.
I wanted it to be a surprise.
You got your wings because you broke my hand? That's great.
Congratulations.
Is because of how I helped you.
Helped? The devil owns both of our souls.
Heaven works in mysterious ways, Andi.
- You got to believe.
- Believe what? That you are not alone.
Your aura is so strong today, just really beautiful Good for you! - What is that? - New greater.
Welcome to the Work Bench.
- You look like you need help.
- No, we work here.
That is so GREAT! I am Mary Pat.
I just started today.
Group hug! No.
It's like that gum that bursts that stuff in your mouth.
- Le flavor? - Yeah, exactly, I hate that gum.
- Any word from Tony? - No, I can't get hold of him.
You sure he'll be able to translate the incantation? Tony has been a demon since the original fall, if anyone can it's him Yeah, he can.
I mean he has to.
Ach my apron is in the stock room.
I'll be right back All right.
Is so sad.
Taken so young.
So full of life.
Who, the monkey? They called him Jimbo.
Jimbo the dancing monkey.
Any time I felt a bit blue.
I came and I watched Jimbo dance, dance that monkey dance.
He was even thought to pickpocket.
so multi-talent.
Sorry? So, ehm, new soul? - Sam? - Yeah? I need my Jimbo fix.
I want you to dance like a monkey.
- No.
- Yes! I want you to put on this fez And dance like Jimbo.
You are out of your skull.
I am not making a monkey dance for you.
Perhaps you do not understand the exact nature of our relationship I own you.
When I ask you to do something, You just do it.
That's simple.
- I hate you.
- I know.
Dance monkey, dance! Oh, come on! Put your heart and soul into it man! Dance like your life depends upon it! It does! Monkey dance! He's doing the monkey dance! Reaper - Season 02 Episode 13 Finale "The Devil and Sam Oliver" Welcome to the Work Bench! Have a fantastic day! It's been a horrible day First he sticks me with the sucky soul assignment and then he makes me dance like a monkey? Yeah, I'm afraid I have to side with the devil on that one, Sammy Sound like a pretty special monkey.
- Thanks for understanding - You got it.
Soul is Roger Lund.
Says is a dug dealer.
Wow.
Must be a pretty bad ass to need this Yeah, speaking of bad ass, You're about to witness the maiden voyage of the color-blendo 3000 paint mixer.
Did you read the instructions? All I need is an on switch, Sammy.
Instructions? Pfffth! That was awesome! Mary Pat, are you all right? Of course, silly.
My fairies put this lucky penny on the floor.
They saved me.
Y-your what? My fairies.
They protect me from harm.
Welcome to the Work Bench.
Have a splendid day! Let's do it.
- Unit 5, This is the place.
- This soul is a drug dealer? Obviously not a real good one.
I expected it to be you know.
.
- Swankier? - Yeah more swank.
Hey woo, where did you get those? - Bench, gardening section.
- Reasonably priced.
- Hey.
- Hey.
You're hunting buffalo, or something? We are here to send you back to hell.
Oh, no, man.
That is tragic! Wait.
Just let me get my tickle on first.
His tickle you know.
His mellow.
Shake hands with Zeus, ride on the wavy train, - Storm in the gates of Mordor.
- He wants to get high.
- Thank you.
- Just say no.
Oh, man don't be like that You know what a complete downer hell is? I have to be racked to face that again.
Please? All right, fine, just hurry up.
If you wanna to get high, yet keep your body clean Licking a toad is really the best way.
Unless you get a poisoned one.
No.
No, thank you.
Sam, Sam! Get him, Benji! Sammy! Sock, get the vessel! The vessel! Yeah! That feels like a rope.
Like I fire hose, you know? Do you have any idea what you can do with a licker like that? Beyond the obvious, I mean.
No, no! We are not bringing those home with us.
What I don't want the death of innocent toads on my conscious Do you? Right, fine, fine.
Bring them.
Bring them.
Great, you can get the other tanks.
Great moment to make an executive decision, Sam.
King Charlie, meet Principe.
Now you can kiss the prince all day, But he will always stay small, green and ugly.
Right? Coming.
OK, come on.
- Hi grandma.
- Hola, Benjamin.
Come in, sit down.
Grandma, how are you? Are you OK? How is your heart? - You look good.
- I look like garbage.
My health is ailing, mijo.
I fear I'm not long for this world Don't say that grandma.
But until that time comes I wanna tie up loose ends.
and to apologize for the way I treated your girlfriend.
I'm inviting you to dinner at my house.
- Both you and Nina.
- Really? I don't wanna leave this world with regrets.
Ok, yeah, yeah, we'll come to dinner.
W-w-w-what is this a zoo? Hey.
Any luck finding what the symbols mean? Not even close.
I think some of these are older than language.
Cooool! You guys think in magik with a k too? My fairies got me believing in all things supernatural.
- Your fairies? - Well they save me from everything.
Always looking out for me.
Just wish they'd save me from my self filthy habit Have super fun with your book on the occult! She's sweet.
In a crazy Chucky Cheese animatronic creature kinda way.
Is she smoking up with the propane tanks? Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
Mary Pat! Are you OK? - Am I all right? - Yeah.
I'm Incredible! I was surrounded by the heavenly warmth of a hundred fairies! Message received! That's my last cigarette ever! Okay, we need to get you looked at.
Come on.
The blast went around her? Maybe she really was protected by a fairy.
Oh, Sam! A fairy? Steve? Do I look like a fairy to you? Whop don't answer that! Come here! I just keep telling myself, "you gotta start at the bottom, Steve".
Even though you were among the holiest of hoes, Even though guardian angel duty is super entry level.
and completely beneath me, rise above.
Dignity, class, beauty.
That is my mantra.
- Great.
Listen, Steve - So these days I just spend my time protecting that fairy loving whacko from killing herself.
Just a stepping stone.
Just a weird, crazy, accident prone stepping stone, with no fashion sense.
Hey Steve, do you have any idea where Tony is? Yes I do.
He is at a Spa in Tahoe with little Stevie.
It is this wonderful place we used to go to.
And you know what it is? They just, they both need a little bit pampering these days.
Dam it.
I need him to translate something.
You know what? Maybe you can do it.
Where did you get this? We copied it from a scroll my dad found in hell.
Nina says is an old demon language.
Yeah.
- Can you read it? - Oh, well, I mean, Tony really was more the reader in the relationship.
But, ahm, I think I can translate.
That's great! What does it say? Okay, well, I believe this is an incantation summoning the devil into a - contest.
- Yes! Yeah! That's, that's exactly what it is.
OK how--how do I do it? Okay, you have to say these words, exactly.
And then he'll appear, And then he is compelled to compete in a contest that you choose.
If you give me a day I can write down a phonetic pronunciation for you.
Thank you, thank you, you are amazing.
You have no idea what this means to me.
Ahm, what contest should I do? That depends on you, Sam.
I mean it's you know it's whatever you are good at.
- Right, right, what I am good at.
- Yeah.
Sam? Sam, come on, Sam.
Everybody is good at something.
You are in shape.
- Sports? - No, I am terrible.
- Okay.
Math? - Even worst.
Moving on to the arts.
Pictionary! Never played it.
Sounds too much like dictionary.
Music.
Yes! That's it! That is it.
You are a genius! So what is all this stuff? Stuff that my mother saved from elementary school.
Aha, this is it! My ticket out of my deal with the devil.
I didn't know you played a musical instrument, Sam.
Neither did I.
Yeah, in third grade Ms.
Ward said I was the best in the class.
She made me first chan in the school orchestra.
I was better than fourth graders.
All right, Sammy, let's hear a little zap.
I didn't play in a while, but should be like riding a bike, right? Go on.
There it is.
Okay, bring it back, bring it back.
- Yeah! - Yeah! All right, Sammy, you are good at something.
Righ? Right? Right? See, I can do this! You got it.
Oh, my God, Andi! You spoke to me just now.
I thought you just spoke to my heart, and Ben's I think.
I played all through high school.
And you quit in third grade, Sam.
I have a feeling that the devil is probably better than me.
You're right, who am I kidding? Drink it! Drink up, Benji, Drink up! Look, you have been by far the most considerate boyfriend.
And yet how is that going to help me to get out my deal with the devil? Well my mom liked you better than any other guy I dated.
Again, not helpful.
I can't challenge the devil to be a nice boyfriend contest.
- Face it, I suck at everything.
- That's not true, Sammy.
You are good at a lot of things.
You can challenge him to a power nap contest.
You guys remember why I was always the designated driver? Nice, Sammy.
Because I never, ever had to drink.
Oh, my God! Sam! Wow! Because I never, ever missed.
Ben put it on the floor.
Put it on the floor, Benji.
Floor! Floor! Floor! You are amazing.
Oh, my God, that's it! I got it! I got the devil! I can get out of my deal! Yeah you can.
Grandma hates double ding-dongs Ben, sweetie, don't be so nervous.
Hi, Benjamin! give your abuela a big kiss! Hello, grandma Gonzales.
Thank you so much for inviting us.
Well thank you for blessing my home with your visit.
- Come in.
- Okay.
Ben, Nina, I want you to meet father O'Malley.
Father O'Malley, this is my grandson.
and the girl that I spoke you about.
- How do you do? - Ah, why is he here? - Ah, I am here to help.
- Help what? Padre O'Malley is an exorcist.
An exorcist? Yes, your grandmother informed me of Nina's demonic possession.
I am here to server God's eviction notice.
What? No, no, there will be no exorcism.
We all want the same thing! We want you to be happy.
And you! We want you the be cleansed of that foul corruption Oh, I just thought we discuss it over some Paella.
Grandma, I love Nina, understand? I love her just the way she is.
But like always you gotta make everything the way you think it should be! We're out of here.
Ben, I do it for you! I do it for you, Ben! - I know you better than that.
- Then you know that I mean what I say.
Until your lady is free of all evil you are out of this family.
- Out! - Bye! Okay, that's four all right? Andi, Andi, Andi, you don't have to drink every time I sink one in.
Sammy, this is the way the game is played.
- So, yes I do.
- No, you don't.
Oh, my God.
- You OK? - You must hate me.
Why would I hate you? Because you even say so yourself, Sam! I thought you were evil.
Evil.
You know what I did? I gave you the boot.
- I don't hate you.
- So when you need me, Where am I? Bail on you.
Bail on you every time! This would be a lot to handle for anyone.
Most people would completely freak out.
But not you.
You have been great! You've been better than great.
You've been amazing.
- Let's have sex.
- Let's what? Yeah, you know what, because, because I want to be there for you.
Yep.
And I want to be there on you.
Andi, wow! Andi, Andi! Ehi, ehi, ehi! Are you OK? OK.
OK, I'm gonna n-need your help.
I'm getting nuded for you.
I have a better idea.
You need some rest.
I need more practice.
OK.
I love you.
I love you too.
L-l-l-listen the point is, Benjamin, I invented it.
- No no you didn't! - Yes, I did! Oh, my God, dudes have been doing sex moves - For like a thousand of years! - So? There is literally nothing that hasnt been done.
Except this! The shark attack is mine! Wow, wow, what's the new move? Sock thinks he invented the shark attack.
The shark attack, yeah.
All right, basically is like in Jaws.
When like all you see the shark's fin, right? So what happens is: the lady lies on the bed Naked preferably, dude does this crab walk Around the foot of the bed, so all she can see Is the shark's fin, You dig? OK, have you done the shark's attack? - Every time I have sex.
- Lies! I can tell you that Egyptian Pharaohs used to do it like twice a week, OK and-and probably only called it like Dinosaur attack, or something like that - So that is what they called it? - It is been done! Oh, the Mastodon? Is that what they called it? You and your crazy ideas.
You are going to back that up? So, I translated the scroll.
This is the incantation you need to challenge the devil.
OK.
And the suit? The suit is an exact copy of the devil's suit.
only in your size.
See, there was a final symbol in the scroll which translates to "reflection" meaning you need to reflect the devil, Appear his equal.
Is mostly kinda a symbolic gesture.
You know it levels the playing field.
- Take that.
- OK.
As the devil reflection, You need to always stand up straight.
You need to keep that arrogant swagger.
A tan would not hurt.
And never, ever, let him see you sweat.
I will.
I will be rooting for you.
Flight 11 to control tower we are coming in for final approach.
No! No, Ben, no more fry planes.
Please, open the hangar doors! Ben, listen.
I wanted to thank you.
For standing up to your grandmother.
- I think that was really sweet.
- Anything for you, baby.
So, how long do you think before she stops being mad at you? Never.
I am dead to nana.
Which means I am dead to the family.
Soon all evidence of Benjamin Casper Perez Gonzalez will be erased.
- That's terrible.
- Yeah.
Being stripped of my personal history and emotional identity.
But, hey, look what I get in return.
You! Give me a cup of sugar.
Nice.
What do you want, Pacey? There is some dude outside jacking your ride.
Baby, they are towing your car! Jose? - You know him? - Yeah, he's my cousin.
Jose, what are you doing? Jose, what the hell man? She said I am not allowed to speak to you.
Who? I am having the car repossessed.
But I bought it! Oh yeah, while I co-signed the loan.
That when I had a grandson.
I don't have a grandson anymore.
Don't worry.
I get you a good car.
You like Pontiac? I get you a Pontiac Vibe.
Nice car.
Sexy.
What? Sam? Oh my gracious, look at this, huh? Oh, you are clever, Sammy.
I have to completely give it up to you man.
I was surprised.
And that's a rare thing.
- Congrats.
- I am not here for props.
I think you have to do something for me now.
Oh, is that so? You want your soul back? You think you can defeat me in a contest? What would that contest entail? Who is better at slacking off? Who can be the biggest failure? Just what exactly is it that you can beat me at, Sammy? Because we both know the only thing that you really excel at is being a full time looser.
Really? A drinking contest? Oh, you are even dumber than I thought, buddy boy.
I can't get drunk! The game is quarters.
I'm kinda awesome at it.
Five shots, most in wins, questions? Nope.
After you.
Five for five.
- Perfect.
- Yeah.
- A little unusual for you.
- Stop stalling and shoot.
You know something, Sammy? I feel I owe you an apology.
Sometimes I underestimate you.
And that's unfair.
I just assume you are going to mess up.
But you know what they say about the word "assume" It makes and ass out of you and on occasion me.
Man am I relieved! You know, this is my first time doing this.
I am really a little impressed with myself.
All right fine, first round is a tie.
Round two.
I go first.
Oh, I don't think so.
There is no second round.
You had your contest.
It ended in a draw, end of story.
No! Somebody has to win.
Right.
You have to win.
And you didn't.
And that's all she wrote.
You only get one shot out of that.
Didn't you read the fine print on the incantation? - That's not fair! - Oh, sure it is.
You had a chance to win, you made a valiant effort.
But let's be honest.
I'm damned good.
Oh hey, come on, don't feel so bad.
I just don't have a reason to compete with you anymore.
I already own you.
Now if you feel you had something to make it worth my while I may give you a rematch.
If you think of anything, you let me know.
'Night.
Ok! Mission accomplished.
So what did you guys get? Everything I made for my grandmother.
This ashtray I made in fourth grade.
This Christmas ornaments I did in third grade.
And this hand turkeys, I made ever since I was two years old - What did you get Sock? - DVD player.
Ben's favorite childhood DVD Player.
It's very sentimental - You feel better now? - Yeah.
She's not the only one that can hit where it hurts.
This is wrong.
- This is all wrong.
- What are you talking about? I can't be the one that tears you apart from you family.
- No you are not! - I am going to do the exorcism.
You can't do that.
Is too dangerous! No is not.
Nothing can happen to me.
I am not afraid of that priest.
I'll just.
fake it! I'll yell and I'll scream ' "Aahh! You know so they think that the demon just flew out of me.
So it won't actually not work? So you are not going to get hurt, right? I'll be fine.
Oh, oh, hold on! This thing plays Blu Ray.
We have to go back and get the flattie Hey! Look who I've found.
You found Gladys? Yeah! I paid her to translate the demon's scroll so you can get out of your deal! Yeah the meter is running.
So let's get the show on the road.
What? What's wrong? That was it.
That was my chance.
I had the devil right where I wanted him, and I let him slip through my fingers.
I am right back where I started from.
I am screwed.
No, still does not explain the suit.
You look like Justin Timberlake took a dump.
Steve gave the suit to me after he translated the scroll.
He say that I have to dress like the devil.
I have to reflect his appearance in order to beat him.
What? It doesn't say that.
It doesn't say reflect the devil.
It says the devil's reflection.
The devil's vanity is his weakness.
What you should have done is take a big mirror with you to the competition.
You know like a distraction.
The devil can't resist looking at himself.
Well that doesn't do me any good now, does it? There must be a way to challenge him again.
No.
He said I have to make it worth his while I got nothing to give him.
I need another drink Steve, what a dope.
I always knew he couldnt read.
Gladys, I need a favor.
I'm not making out with you! All right.
I'll make out with you.
How do I get a meeting with the devil? Hey, are you sure about this? Because you do not have to - Yes I am sure.
- OK.
- Hi, mijo.
- Hey grandma.
You remember father O'Malley? - Hello.
- Hi.
Can I get you anything? A soda, water? Eh, no, I am fine, thank you.
I would love a beer.
What? Father's going to knock this out no problem, right father? I can't make any promises but I hope too, yes.
So Nina, why don't you and I head upstairs? - and we can start it, shall we? - OK.
"Dear Ben, I want you to know how much I love you and how special these last few months with you have been But I lied.
There is a good chance that this exorcism will work, and if that happens I will be sent back to hell.
I am sorry I did not tell you this was a possibility but ultimately I couldn't accept the fact that I was the reason you were no longer part of your family and if we never see each other again, I will think about you every day.
Love always, Nina.
All right don't you worry kiddies Sock's on his way gonna save your asses! Here we go! Is hot here! Oh, what is going on? What's happening?! Come on! Hi.
Mind if I have a second with her? Certainly.
- Hey.
- Hey.
So, put on a good show, all right?.
- OK.
- All right.
- Ben, wait.
- Yeah? - I love you.
- Oh, that's sweet.
Break a leg you two! OK! OK.
Are you tripping out? Oh, is nobody else in the car Is it you, Sam no No way! You are not going to stop me! No way nannie.
Oh, her magic is strong! my caddie is gone there! Die, you pint size witch! Most glorious prince of the heavenly armies, Michael the archangel defend us In our battle against the rulers of the darkness Why so dry.
my mouth is so draaaaaaaaaaaahy who the hell? Gooood! The blood of the martyrs come after you Sounds like is going pretty well.
I'll get it.
Sock! Something is happening with my mouth! What? Nina! Sock, Sock, hey Sock Hell spawn, the blood of the martyrs compels it! In the name of God! Ah! Who are you? Menudo.
Benjamin, get him out of here! No, no, no! Ben, Nina loves you so much, and she will love you forever! Hey guys I think is gone! Well, how do you feel? I feel good.
I think you should worry about him.
I think that the demon jumped.
Oh so now it resides in this poor men, does it? If you want to dance demon, you'll dance with me.
Sorry Sock I need your opinion Sammy.
On my lapel which you think makes my eyes pop more? Carnation or Lily? I know both are right That is the beauty of wearing a dark suit and having this face.
Go away.
Oh, why the big frown? I thought you'd be on cloud nine.
- Why would you think that? - You and me, quarters rematch.
Is all set up.
You didn't know? What are you talking about? Someone made it worth my while.
So the contest is back on.
- Someone? Who? - Your girl.
Andi.
She put up her own soul as collateral.
She must be really into you.
You are a lucky guy.
Tell me you didn't do it.
Yeah, I-I kinda did.
Andi what were you thinking? I was thinking that I want you out of your deal.
This is the only way to do it.
No you have to stop it.
You have to go back to the devil and tell him that you changed your mind.
No.
No, I want to do it.
I need to do this.
I believe in you.
And I believe that you can beat him.
And I am tired of being alone.
- Aren't you? - Is too much to risk.
Well is my risk to take.
We are going to beat the devil, Sam! I know it.
Come on.
- You're nervous? - Yeah.
Are you? Oh yeah.
This is for the lady's file.
Is not every day that I get to win such a beautiful trophy Yeah, we'll see about that I'm already liking the woman's touch.
Very nice Andi, well it spruces the place up Sam, get this over with.
Yeah, Sammy.
Let's do get this over with.
There is something else Andi brought to the party.
This time I think you should go first.
Now I know you are the brains of this operation.
Your turn.
Sam, you just have to get two in.
You got this.
I am a bad looser.
All right? Make you sure, if you eventually win this thing don't expect any hugs or grab ass.
There are shot glasses in the housewere.
I will be right back.
Hey buddy.
Steve, hey.
What are you doing here.
I heard some bonehead screwed up an ancient translation.
Guilty.
Ah, don't worry about it man.
Do you have any idea what a Mensch you are? Thanks, listen I gotta go.
I am about to get out my deal with the devil.
I know.
I heard.
And let me just say how truly, deeply sorry I am.
Sorry for what? Sam, I'm so sorry.
Why? Is for the best.
That's all I know.
Oh, my God! Sam, what happened? - Is broken.
- What?! - How? - Can't talk about it right now.
Hey, Sammy, come on, if you want to forfeit, All you have to do, is say so.
No.
No forfeit.
Oh, man.
That's pathetic, come on.
Just stop right now.
Please.
For your own sake.
I still have one good hand.
You are not leftie, eh? Shut up.
Oh, this is hard to watch.
So Let's just take a survey who had the worst week I lost my soul to the devil.
Top that.
An angel broke my hand is six places.
which evidently means, heaven hates me.
and the devil still owns my soul.
Ok, let's recap for Sock.
I got frog roofied.
My mouth is like sand.
My mind is melting.
I tasted music and it tasted like garbage.
I had a pretty good week.
What? Sock saved my girlfriend from going back to hell.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
I really hate your grandmother.
- I know.
- Yeah.
Let me get fruit on my pancakes.
- Sure.
- Whipped cream, maybe.
Sure.
Ahhh so.
.
I am really sorry that your soul got damned for eternity Thats that's a bummer.
- Let's Come here.
- Thanks Sock.
I'm sorry.
Thank you, Ben.
Shotgun.
Look Andi I want you to know I feel terrible about what happened.
You put yourself on the line, put your soul on the line.
And I let you down.
I don't expect you to forgive me.
I just .
only hope that - What was that about? - The devil owns my soul, But I don't feel any different, you know? And I still love you more than I ever did.
And as bad as things seem I'm really happy.
- Is that weird? - Yes, completely.
We can still try to get out of our deals with the devil.
And we can try to change our fates You did it once before, and we can try again.
You know if nothing else then we have time together.
Then I am happy too.
Then I am happy too.
Steve, what do you want? I thought I heard you over say you are happy.
I figured it would be a good time to poke in.
Get out! Look, I'm not exactly pleased With the way things turned out either, but I just Hey, Ow! Andi, are you throwing rocks at me? Yes, I am trying to break your hand Hey, Sam, would you please tell her to quit it.
Ow! Would you let me explain?! Fine, fine, explain.
What is your explanation? I'm acting from.
.
on orders from upstairs.
I don't know exactly why they had me do the things that they had me do.
Guys! Stop! Stop! You've every right to be upset.
But throwing rocks is never constructive.
Enough! Yeah I got my wings earlier today.
I wanted it to be a surprise.
You got your wings because you broke my hand? That's great.
Congratulations.
Is because of how I helped you.
Helped? The devil owns both of our souls.
Heaven works in mysterious ways, Andi.
- You got to believe.
- Believe what? That you are not alone.