Related (2005) s01e04 Episode Script
Hello Deli
Previously on "Related" It's a complete disaster.
My life is over.
Do you understand that this means I'm gonna have to move back to Brooklyn with dad and Renee? He didn't say anything? No.
I told you.
Okay, okay, he didn't say anything, but did he hint? He didn't hint, he didn't imply, he didn't send up smoke signals.
If you want to know if dad is okay with you going into the theater program, go ask him.
Maybe this is a sign.
Maybe this is, like, god's way of saying, "hey, Rose, go back to pre-med.
Go be Joel's lab partner again.
You know, set the universe right.
" You and Danny are breaking up? No.
But yes.
I know that we're breaking up and stuff, but do you still love me? You can't just stop seeing someone and not see them.
Wow.
Hello.
What the hell? I'm fine, Ginnie.
How are you? Oh, don't give me that.
I just spoke to dad.
What's this I hear about you not coming this weekend? I'm not coming this weekend.
But dad asked all of us to help with the deli -- all.
Ginnie, I don't feel like spending the weekend in Brooklyn taking care of a deli.
And bonding with your sisters, just like old times.
Dude, what the hell? How can you bail on us like this? Marjee, I'd be no fun to have around.
I promise you, you are better off without me.
Oh, come on, Ann.
You have got to snap out of this Danny thing already.
Now take off the clown pants, and put down the cheetos, and come to Brooklyn with us.
They're doritos.
What would you say to a patient who's doing what you're doing now? I would say, "do what you need to do.
If you want to, eat doritos and wear clown pants.
" Then I would say you're not really that good of a therapist, are you? Hold on.
Hey.
I'm supposed to make you feel guilty.
Ow! Will you please get them to leave me alone? We're just saying we're going to miss you.
Rose, I'm gonna have to call you back.
Three freaks just broke into my apartment.
All right, you're coming with us tomorrow night.
Oh, no, because then I'd have to get off the couch, and I'd have to go and pack.
I'll pack for you.
But I don't want to go.
Okay, hmm there is a very important "Brady Bunch" marathon on right now.
Jan is allergic to the dog.
They might have to give him away.
I have to see what happens.
It's the flea powder.
She's allergic to the flea powder.
Come on, Ann.
We all agreed to go tomorrow.
You can't back out now.
I never agreed.
We agreed for you.
It's the same thing.
I mean, really, how many chances do we actually get to all be under the same roof for the whole weekend, just like when we were kids? How could you want to miss that? Yeah.
What's going on? Why don't you want to come with us? It's not you guys.
It's every single person from the neighborhood that's going to walk into that deli and say, "how's Danny?" And I'm gonna have to tell every single one of them, "I have no idea.
" All packed.
Um that thing in your underwear drawer -- where did you get that? From the "mind your own business" outlet.
Yeah, it's in Jersey.
Oh.
Okay, you know what? If you just want to sit here by yourself, then we're just gonna sit here with you and hum until you say "yes.
" You can't keep that up all night.
Yes, we can.
Stop the humming.
What did she say? I'm not sure.
Then keep humming.
Thou wouldst not suffer me to kiss thy mouth, Jokanaan.
Well, I will kiss it now.
I will bite it with my teeth, as one would bite a ripe fruit.
Yes, I will kiss thy mouth, Jokanaan.
I still live, but thou art dead.
All right, enough, enough.
Ms.
Sorelli do you know why I assigned you this monologue? - Well, is it because the -- - Probably not.
I assign-- sit down.
I assign-- would you sit down, please? I assigned you this monologue, Ms.
Sorelli, because Salomé -- the character that you're playing -- is a character who has many levels.
And she requires passion in order to be believable.
And frankly -- can I be frank with you? -- You need to get past this sheltered daddy's little princess routine and find the woman inside yourself.
Because, yes, you're very cute, and, yes, you can cry on command.
But that does not make you an actress.
Hey, hey.
There's the four most beautiful girls in Brooklyn.
- Hi, Marco.
- Hey.
Anna Bella, come here for a second.
Hey, I heard about you and Danny.
Are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay.
Can you please tell me what kind of a crazy person gives up a woman like you? Come on, what's he got -- rocks in his head? Now, if you want, I could kick his ass for you, you know? No, I'm good.
Thank you.
I've got some last-minute instructions for you girls.
Ann.
Right.
I'll see you later, Marco.
So thres's a large platter order to fill.
One of the Torcoletti twins is having an engagement party.
Oh, which one? I don't know.
Sonya or Tonya -- the one with the hair.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, they have to be filled by 5:00 tomorrow.
Got it -- platters, 5:00.
- Hello, angels.
- Hi.
I'm forgetting something.
What am I forgetting? Your glasses.
Oh, yeah, that would help.
Can you believe I finally got your father to take a vacation? I don't know how you did it.
Oh, I'm so excited.
We're going to the most fantastic inn.
It's got feather beds, a heart-shaped tub.
And I got my very first chilean.
What's a "chilean"? Wax.
It's all gone.
Oh, my god.
She means "brazilian.
" It's a surprise.
Shh -- don't tell your father.
Oh, we won't.
Oh, god.
Look -- Joey Pensacola.
Oh, god, he was so hot.
Oh, I wonder what happened to him.
You're married.
I know.
I just said I wonder.
Hey, can I have this barrette? That's a roach clip.
You bought a roach clip.
Well, I thought it was a barrette.
There aren't any oreos.
Oh, I hate it when you do that.
It wasn't funny when I was 8.
It's not funny now.
Oh, Rosie, look.
Look at this.
Oh, it's from my 6th grade science fair.
I played different types of music to ferns spawned from the same seed.
Those ferns did not like Nirvana.
Oh, you were so good at science.
It was like a natural gift.
Oh, don't say that.
Her acting teacher yelled at her today.
He basically told me I'm not a real actress.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
He's not allowed to yell at you.
Only we're allowed to.
It's not just him.
You guys, acting is really hard.
I mean, when I was in pre-med, I was bored sometimes, but at least I understood it.
I didn't feel like I was drowning.
Rose, honey, I hate to say this, but this is what you signed up for.
An actor's life is filled with constant rejection and a life of uncertainty.
I mean, you knew what you were getting into.
I guess.
I mean, you couldn't just expect to sail through this like you did pre-med.
You spent your whole life doing this science stuff.
You have to learn to deal with rejection.
I don't want to deal with rejection.
Oh, look -- look at this.
You've experienced rejection, you got second place.
Only because Nadia Shabyek cheated her results.
Hey.
How's it going? What are you doing? What's the matter? Still the Casanov thing.
Anything I can do? Oh, yeah, you could kill him for me.
Well, I don't know about that.
But I could borrow some bacterium from the lab and make him very, very sick.
How would you feel about coming to Brooklyn this weekend? Like, for a booty call? No.
I'm thinking about switching back to pre-med.
I want to know what I've missed.
Can you catch me up? Are you serious? You're dropping experimental theater? Maybe.
I just want to see.
What about all your cool friends with the dreadlocks, and the pink hair, and the tattoos they're sure to regret in five years? Look, will you come to Brooklyn and help me or not? Are you kidding? And study all day with you in a deli? Of course.
I'm there.
Really? Oh, yeah.
Not for you, though.
For the free sausage and pepper sandwiches.
Bite me.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Oh, my god.
Mom's ring.
I can't believe that you just left it here in a box.
Oh, gimme.
No.
I always wanted this ring, and you got it, and you don't even wear it.
I wear it.
You wear it? It's probably been in this box for, what, like, 10 years? I was just keeping it safe.
Come on.
I love this ring.
Yeah, so do I.
Guys! What? Let's not make it one of those weekends.
What do you mean, one of those weekends? I just don't want you guys to get how you get.
How do we get? Uh, at each other's throats.
The battle of wills.
The famous Ginnie and Marjee saga from pretty much every family vacation.
There's no Ginnie and Marjee saga.
It's really Marjee who acts like a child and tries to make me crazy.
It's really the Marjee saga.
That is so not true.
Oh, okay.
How about that time that we went to Gettysburg, and you told that boy that Ginnie stuffs her bra? That's how he knew.
Thank you, Ann.
You're wearing my dress? Yeah.
To work? So? So, just tell me this -- are you getting all dressed up for the deli meat or the man meat? I want to look nice for the customers.
Oh, sure.
Why hasn't he fixed that? Come on, guys.
We've got to get downstairs.
Why are you putting on mascara? For Marco.
- Marjee.
- What? Why are you getting dressed up for Marco? Oh come on.
Didn't you see them yesterday? She was glowing.
I was not glowing.
Yes, you were.
And you know what? I haven't seen you smile like that since Danny.
Have I really been that much of a downer? It's so not a bad thing, enjoying a little harmless male attention, especially after a break-up.
I say you go for it.
I, for one, think it's a bad idea.
There's no idea here.
She's gonna flirt with him a little bit.
All right, come here.
What are you doing? Vanilla extract.
It's my secret weapon.
Guys love it.
It reminds them of their mommies.
That is so twisted.
Come on.
It's not like I'm giving you a chilean.
Marjee, what are you doing? I'm working the register.
I like to push the buttons.
Everybody likes to push the buttons.
That's why it's the best job.
Yeah, I know.
That's why I'm doing it.
No, you're not.
I know what this is about.
I didn't take the money, Ginnie.
Oh, Marjee, that was 10 years ago.
Everybody thinks that I took the money.
But why would I steal $150 the day I was working the register? That's stupid.
It makes no sense.
Marjee, it's not that you're not good with money.
You're not good with people.
Rose, come on.
You're doing the register.
Yay.
- I get to push the buttons.
- You can make the platters.
I don't want to -- who put you in charge? The universe, when I was cursed with organization, discipline, and a take-charge attitude.
Besides, no one was even listening when dad gave us instructions last night.
Yes, I was.
Okay, you're in charge.
Name three things he told us to do today.
I'll make the platters.
Ha.
Yay.
Thank you.
What are you doing? You were supposed to make the platters, like, an hour ago.
Marjee, come on, you have to start pulling your weight.
Or else? Just do it.
Seriously, I really want to know what you're gonna do to me if I don't follow your little orders.
I'm not gonna engage in this with you.
We should just all act like grown-ups.
Well, it's a little hard to act like a grown-up when you insist upon treating me like a child.
Okay, you want to act like a lazy little brat? Go right ahead.
I'll make the platters.
Hmm, that's so sweet.
Thank you, Ginnie.
You know, we came out here to relive the old times, right? But I just realized that the old times suck.
This weekend sucks.
I'm gonna invite some people over tonight.
No, you're not.
Excuse me? You're not having a party, Marjee.
Uh, I didn't say "party.
" I said I was gonna invite some people over.
But now that you mention it, that's an excellent idea.
Why didn't I think about that? Yes, we are going to have a party.
No, we won't.
Like a Halloween party? You mean, like with a haunted house and costumes? No.
Like a "dad's out of town and Ginnie doesn't want to have a party" party.
Yeah, I've been to that party.
It doesn't end well.
You get drunk and wind up running down the street naked.
I wasn't drunk.
What? Come on, go.
Flirt.
Show him your "A" game.
Hey, Marco.
Hey.
You're pretty good at that.
Thanks.
I kind of, uh -- Yeah, well, I better get working on the sausage, huh? Oh, yeah.
God, I do love your sausage.
No, I mean, how it tastes.
Uh, I'm gonna go back there.
Why don't you, uh, work on this? Oh, my god.
You suck at flirting.
Take your time.
All right, bye.
That gets funnier and funnier.
I know.
Did you eat a donut? It's vanilla extract.
Oh, hey, Marjee, we've taken in about 150 today.
You interested? That would be so funny, Rose, if I had actually taken the money.
Go.
Flirt with him.
Um, I think I made a big enough fool of myself, thank you.
Hey, Marco.
Ann will help you.
Go on.
So, who do you see? Anyone from high school still come in? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Joanna Frankl.
She comes in once in a while.
Oh, yeah, Evan Price.
He came in last month.
Anyway, you know, he's divorced now.
He lives on the upper west side.
And he's looking pretty miserable, too, you know? Overworked, lost.
He comes into the deli, he sees me standing behind the counter.
He actually looks at me like he felt sorry for me.
Like, uh, well, he got out, you know, and I didn't.
Like I'm just this sausage guy.
That sucks.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
The truth is I actually feel sorry for him.
Because, I mean, I'm happy, you know? I know who I am.
I've got a pretty cool life.
You know what I mean? Just 'cause I'm not a podiatrist.
No, you're not.
Oh.
I don't think I'm doing this right.
Well, let me see.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're doing it wrong.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I suck.
No, look, look.
Here.
Maybe you should just be a little less, um, you know, forceful.
Look -- you grab it right here.
Put it in your hand.
Okay, now you grab it firmly, but gently.
Oh, yeah, that's much better.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Hold it right here.
Good.
Now you just give it a little twist.
Yeah, a little more.
Good, good.
That's better.
Good.
Yeah, that feels better.
Mmm, you smell pretty good.
What's that? Like pound cake.
Thanks.
Okay, um Sorry.
You know, on second thought Of course I'm gonna have a chocolate fountain.
Like I'm gonna throw a party without a chocolate fountain.
All right, bye.
Hi.
Oh, my god.
You have sex hair.
I do not.
We just made out.
It must have been some pretty good making out because that right there, that's sex hair.
Thank you.
Come again.
Thanks.
Bye-bye.
Well, I'm so glad we could share that moment with Mrs.
Gillespie.
What was he like? Is he a good kisser? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
I forgot how much I like kissing.
You know, when you guys were just talking about some flirting, that was fine.
But what do you think you're doing here? She's just having a little fun.
Come on, it's harmless.
Yeah, except it's not harmless.
It's Marco.
And he's gonna lure her into bed and then break her heart.
He's the king of flings.
So? Why can't she have a fling? Why? Because this is Ann we're talking about, Marjee.
She is constitutionally incapable of having a fling.
She craves long-term relationships.
May I weigh in? If you must.
Guys, I'm just having fun here.
And Marco is not just the king of flings.
He's actually really deep.
I mean, it might not look like it to look at him, but he's got thoughts and feelings and stuff.
Man, do you miss the point of meaningless sex.
You ordered the Joel? Hey.
What took you so long? Hey, be nice.
It took me, like, six trains, two buses, and a ferry to get here.
A ferry? Was there a quicker way? Right now in bio, we're talking about R.
N.
A.
Oh, right, which is made from D.
N.
A.
And that happens when an enzyme called "R.
N.
A.
polymerase" catalyzes a synthesis by binding to a special promoter region on the D.
N.
A.
helix.
Okay, how do you know that? Well, I got bored last year, and I read ahead.
Wow, and it just stuck in your head like that? I guess.
Is that weird? No, it's impressive.
And a little weird.
It's just, this stuff is really simple to me.
I get it without having to think about it, unlike acting, which is not so simple.
Like, the other day, we had to dance with architecture.
How the hell do you dance with architecture? I don't even know what that means.
Yeah, it sounds pretty lame.
Yeah, but then there's the scene study stuff, which is really fun and scary and cool and kind of exciting.
And I thought I was really good at it, but I guess I was wrong.
What do you think I should do? - Rose, I can't really -- - I should probably quit, right? Because I'd rather be bored than, like, completely lost.
See, I'm both a lot of the time, so Okay, let's do this.
Have you covered the part about the R.
N.
A.
polymerase having its own helicase activity, as opposed to having it as a separate subunit, like D.
N.
A.
polymerase? I don't think so.
Really? It's chapter one.
Man, I do not know this stuff.
Uh-oh.
We're $1.
50 short.
Marjee? Oh, so now I'm not just a thief.
I'm a cheap thief.
Awesome.
So, what do you think of him? His name is Jerry.
Oh, he's great.
But is he gonna help us close? Ann, maybe you could start sweeping.
Rose -- we'll let her do the back.
And, Marjee, you've been tracking pumpkin goop all over the floor, so it's not gonna clean itself.
Oh, why? I thought that it was magical self-cleaning pumpkin goop.
You know, I finally figured out why you can't keep a job for a couple of months.
Because I'm related to you and I'd fire you.
Really? That's so funny because if you were my stick-up-the-ass boss, I probably would have quit by now.
Guys, enough.
Where's Rose? She'll be back in a second.
She's with Joel.
I think he's her new boyfriend.
What? New boyfriend? Who's Joel? You mean that boy that was here? I thought he was delivering newspapers.
Rosie, why didn't you tell me you had a new boyfriend? I don't.
Let's just go with it, baby.
Um, I'm not her boyfriend.
We got married in Vegas last week.
He's not my boyfriend.
He's just a friend.
That's what we like to hear.
Okay, well, you and your little friend could go and finish up in the back.
Hmm, "little friend" -- we love to hear that more.
Okay, where was I? Chairs on tables.
"Chairs on tables.
" Why are you acting like you did when we were kids? Because every time I look at that ring on your finger, it makes me want to scream.
Come on.
You can't still be on the ring.
You knew that I always loved that ring.
And dad gave it to you because, why? I was the irresponsible one.
And you were the perfect, predictable one, riding right down the middle of the road.
Hey, I am not boring.
I didn't say that you were boring.
I said that you were perfect and predictable.
But you know what, Ginnie? If the ring fits -- I have as much right to this ring as you do.
Yeah, but you got it.
That ring is a symbol of the double standard in this family that is just completely unfair.
Unfair? Like the fact that I had to live home all during college to help take care of you guys? You mean unfair like that? I never asked for a single thing for myself, except maybe a silly little ring.
Well, I'm sorry.
You're right.
You know what? I'm gonna go to the bank and drop off the money.
I know it's really predictable, but someone's got to do it.
So, does anyone remember what we're supposed to do? No.
Me neither.
Hi.
Oh, yeah.
Good, good.
This is your shirt.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
So, do I throw the best parties, or do I throw the best parties? You do.
Now, have you apologized to Ginnie? Have you met me? I really think you need to ask yourself, what is your investment in continuing to cast Ginnie as this authority figure? And what makes rebelling against that authority such an integral facet of your identity? Don't shrink me, Ann.
All rignt? I'm not in the mood.
Yeah.
Hey, there.
Well, you seem to be feeling a little bit cheerier.
And I know you're not drinking, so, what's up? I was at the bank, and I was thinking, "why should I let her ruin my weekend?" Plus, what would make Marjee more miserable than me having a great time? This is true.
- You want to dance? - Okay.
Let's dance.
Oh, yeah.
This is so fun.
It feels like old times.
I love it.
Oh, I remember that one.
Do the walk.
Do the walk.
Hi.
Yeah, it feels like old times.
There you go.
Thanks.
You're a really good dancer.
You got a rubber? You're getting married, Tonya.
Thank you.
What? Nothing.
I'm just remembering the first time that we kissed.
Um, yeah, that would be today.
What? I can't believe you don't remember.
Cafeteria, 5th grade? Sally Wackerman dared you to come over and give me a kiss on the lips? No.
You ran over to the table and still had this mouthful of tater tots, and you gave me this big old kiss.
No.
And then you got all embarrassed.
And then you ran to the little girls' bathroom and hid.
I totally forgot about that.
Well, I remember.
Excuse me.
I have to go to the girls' bathroom.
No, come on.
Do you want to go upstairs? Oh, yeah.
Go, go, go, go, go, go Wow.
You have such amazing arms, such amazing everything.
Yeah? You're pretty spectacular yourself.
So, what are you doing tomorrow? Actually, I have the day off.
Oh.
Okay, well, we could see a movie.
Oh, there's this amazing danish film that's playing at the Angelika.
Not so much with the danish films, huh? Yeah, you know, not unless Vin Diesel's blowing something up.
You know what I mean? He's danish, right? I don't think so.
Hey.
Why don't we go to buckets? Buckets? Yeah.
Hey, you know, we don't have to try and make this into a thing.
No.
I just thought -- We had a great day, right? Amazing.
Oh, I know.
It was, like, um wow.
But, you know, maybe we just, um, call this what it is.
So, what do we do now? We just get up and go? We gotta put our clothes on first.
Right.
They're even sexy going on.
Oh, my god.
I thought you were Ann.
- I'm sorry.
I thought you were -- - What the hell are you doing? Yeah, one more keg.
The same address.
I mean, yeah, I know that it's late.
Yes, I would like to have a party with you, too.
Okay.
Thank you.
Bye.
Hey, girls, it's dad.
Pick up if you're there.
- Chug, chug, chug, chug! - Shut your faces! It's 8:30.
We're about to head back.
We're gonna be home as soon as we can.
Ah, thou wouldst not suffer me to kiss thy mouth, Jokanaan.
Well, I will kiss it now.
I will bite it with my teeth, as one bites a ripe fruit.
Yes, I will kiss it now.
Wow.
Oh.
Oh, god.
Rose, what are you doing? I was just talking to the -- the dip thing.
No.
Quitting theater.
What are you doing? You so obviously love this acting stuff.
I mean, we're here at this party, and you'd rather be alone in the kitchen, making out with bread.
I was just practicing, seeing if I could get it right.
I get it.
I do the same thing sometimes when I'm alone.
I pretend I'm a doctor.
I use my ipod as a stethoscope, and when my roommate falls asleep, I make believe he's my patient.
Really? No, that would be creepy.
Who cares if I love it if I suck at it? One guy said you suck.
He sucks.
He does suck.
Yeah, so screw him, and screw pre-med.
I mean, you're not a doctor.
You're an actress.
Yeah, I think I am.
I'm an actress.
Yeah.
This means I'm not gonna be your lab partner.
Are you upset? Please.
And have to carry you for a whole semester? Phew -- relieved.
Okay, Colin, you really kind of need to go.
Whoa, Marjee.
Marjee, whoa.
Wait, hey.
Hey, I thought we were gonna hang out.
I know, I know.
Except my dad is going to walk through this door any second.
And if there is a party going on, then I could very possibly be grounded.
What are you, in high school? All right, okay.
Nice to see you.
Goodbye.
Why isn't anybody leaving? Come on.
Can't you people take a hint? Out.
Out, out, out.
Come on, no more.
The party's over.
Hey, what's going on? - Oh, I don't want to tell you.
- Why not? Because you're just gonna say, "I told you so.
" No, I won't.
Okay, we've got to get everybody out of here now.
Dad is on his way home.
I'm gonna get in serious trouble here.
I'm sorry, Marjee.
No, it's your problem.
It's your party, and I'm just a guest.
You see that guy over there? I told him I would make a margarita in his mouth.
Oh, my god.
I'm so screwed.
Why? Dad is on his way home.
Did you try to call them and get them to turn around? Yes, I tried, but the phone is turned off.
It's frickin' Renee.
She's paranoid about the rays.
Rays? Okay, everybody out! Oh, they're not leaving.
What do I do? Help me.
Well, what do you want me to do? Okay, attention, everybody! Thank you all for coming.
It means so much to me.
Now please get the hell out! Yeah, seriously, though, guys, we're out of beer, and - Good one.
- Thanks, sis.
Oh, my god.
Ann, will you look at this place? It's like a -- it's practically destroyed.
Oh, my god.
Dad is gonna kill me.
- Calm down.
- No, no.
Maybe I need to freak out a little bit, okay? Maybe it's part of my residual identity, and I don't think you should be messing with my residual identity.
What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Have you tried this with strawberries? Delicious.
Help me.
- Please.
- Why? Because I need you.
Okay, Ginnie? And because the universe cursed you with organization, discipline, and a take-charge attitude.
Just help me.
All right.
Then I'm taking charge.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay.
Up! Okay, okay, okay.
Rose, you and your little friend are on garbage detail.
Ann, go upstairs and make sure the bedrooms are free and clear of the prophylactic devices.
And, Marjee, you start sweeping and mopping.
Come on, people.
We can do it.
Come on.
Oh, it was fun.
We're having fun times.
Bye.
Okay, so did we get everything? Yep.
Even the puke? Yep.
Really? I don't want to talk about it.
Hey, Rose.
Where did your little friend go? Back to the dorm.
He says, "bye," by the way.
He's kind of cute.
Are you ever gonna I don't think so.
That's too bad.
Hey.
Look what I found.
What is it? It's your first play.
Really? What was I? Baby jesus.
And we're the three wise-asses.
Well, that's what dad used to call us, anyway.
Oh, I forgot about that.
Let me see.
Is that mom? Yeah.
She looks so beautiful.
She used to love these plays.
What? Don't think you're gonna get away without telling us the dirt on Marco.
Yeah, are you guys gonna live happily ever after? Yeah -- separately.
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, it's fine.
I got naked with a man who likes to go to buckets.
Marj, you know, you really did good tonight.
You stepped up in a big way.
And you are still awesomely perfect.
Will you stop? I hate when you say that.
What? It's true.
No.
I'm not perfect.
I'm not predictable, and I'm not boring.
I never said that you were boring, Ginnie.
And being perfect isn't a bad thing.
Well, it's just that I have been, um irresponsible.
Right.
- Name one bad thing you've done.
- Well And it has to be something real.
It can't be you wore the same bra two days in a row.
You can't think of anything, can you? No, I can.
It's just Don't hate me.
Whoa, this sounds good.
I stole the $150 from dad's cash register, and I let you take the blame.
Oh, my god.
She's human.
No, she's a monster.
What? I can't believe that that was you.
Oh, my god.
All these years, I have been considered the screw-up, and it's because of you.
- Marjee, I -- - Why did you do it? Why did you do it? When mom died, it was kind of up to me to look after you guys, and I was young.
And I got frustrated sometimes, and I just wted something for myself, you know, just something.
So I took the $150, and I bought a pair of Cavaricci jeans.
I loved those Cavariccis.
But then I never wore them because I knew you guys would ask me where I got the money.
So I'm sorry.
Here.
What? I want you to have it.
It's yours.
Dad gave it to you.
He gave it to me, not knowing that I took the money, so maybe he would have given it to you.
Either way, you've always loved it more, so take it.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
It looks good on you.
Stop crying, Rose.
I'm not crying.
So are we even? Hmm we're pretty close.
Hello? Hi.
We're in here.
We tried to call you, but dad's cellphone was off.
You can't leave those things on.
I read it in the Star -- they have rays.
Do you guys know anything about a beer delivery? What? No.
That's weird.
For a Marjee Sorelli? Ginnie stole the $150.
What? Now we're even.
No! "Sorry, daddy.
"
My life is over.
Do you understand that this means I'm gonna have to move back to Brooklyn with dad and Renee? He didn't say anything? No.
I told you.
Okay, okay, he didn't say anything, but did he hint? He didn't hint, he didn't imply, he didn't send up smoke signals.
If you want to know if dad is okay with you going into the theater program, go ask him.
Maybe this is a sign.
Maybe this is, like, god's way of saying, "hey, Rose, go back to pre-med.
Go be Joel's lab partner again.
You know, set the universe right.
" You and Danny are breaking up? No.
But yes.
I know that we're breaking up and stuff, but do you still love me? You can't just stop seeing someone and not see them.
Wow.
Hello.
What the hell? I'm fine, Ginnie.
How are you? Oh, don't give me that.
I just spoke to dad.
What's this I hear about you not coming this weekend? I'm not coming this weekend.
But dad asked all of us to help with the deli -- all.
Ginnie, I don't feel like spending the weekend in Brooklyn taking care of a deli.
And bonding with your sisters, just like old times.
Dude, what the hell? How can you bail on us like this? Marjee, I'd be no fun to have around.
I promise you, you are better off without me.
Oh, come on, Ann.
You have got to snap out of this Danny thing already.
Now take off the clown pants, and put down the cheetos, and come to Brooklyn with us.
They're doritos.
What would you say to a patient who's doing what you're doing now? I would say, "do what you need to do.
If you want to, eat doritos and wear clown pants.
" Then I would say you're not really that good of a therapist, are you? Hold on.
Hey.
I'm supposed to make you feel guilty.
Ow! Will you please get them to leave me alone? We're just saying we're going to miss you.
Rose, I'm gonna have to call you back.
Three freaks just broke into my apartment.
All right, you're coming with us tomorrow night.
Oh, no, because then I'd have to get off the couch, and I'd have to go and pack.
I'll pack for you.
But I don't want to go.
Okay, hmm there is a very important "Brady Bunch" marathon on right now.
Jan is allergic to the dog.
They might have to give him away.
I have to see what happens.
It's the flea powder.
She's allergic to the flea powder.
Come on, Ann.
We all agreed to go tomorrow.
You can't back out now.
I never agreed.
We agreed for you.
It's the same thing.
I mean, really, how many chances do we actually get to all be under the same roof for the whole weekend, just like when we were kids? How could you want to miss that? Yeah.
What's going on? Why don't you want to come with us? It's not you guys.
It's every single person from the neighborhood that's going to walk into that deli and say, "how's Danny?" And I'm gonna have to tell every single one of them, "I have no idea.
" All packed.
Um that thing in your underwear drawer -- where did you get that? From the "mind your own business" outlet.
Yeah, it's in Jersey.
Oh.
Okay, you know what? If you just want to sit here by yourself, then we're just gonna sit here with you and hum until you say "yes.
" You can't keep that up all night.
Yes, we can.
Stop the humming.
What did she say? I'm not sure.
Then keep humming.
Thou wouldst not suffer me to kiss thy mouth, Jokanaan.
Well, I will kiss it now.
I will bite it with my teeth, as one would bite a ripe fruit.
Yes, I will kiss thy mouth, Jokanaan.
I still live, but thou art dead.
All right, enough, enough.
Ms.
Sorelli do you know why I assigned you this monologue? - Well, is it because the -- - Probably not.
I assign-- sit down.
I assign-- would you sit down, please? I assigned you this monologue, Ms.
Sorelli, because Salomé -- the character that you're playing -- is a character who has many levels.
And she requires passion in order to be believable.
And frankly -- can I be frank with you? -- You need to get past this sheltered daddy's little princess routine and find the woman inside yourself.
Because, yes, you're very cute, and, yes, you can cry on command.
But that does not make you an actress.
Hey, hey.
There's the four most beautiful girls in Brooklyn.
- Hi, Marco.
- Hey.
Anna Bella, come here for a second.
Hey, I heard about you and Danny.
Are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay.
Can you please tell me what kind of a crazy person gives up a woman like you? Come on, what's he got -- rocks in his head? Now, if you want, I could kick his ass for you, you know? No, I'm good.
Thank you.
I've got some last-minute instructions for you girls.
Ann.
Right.
I'll see you later, Marco.
So thres's a large platter order to fill.
One of the Torcoletti twins is having an engagement party.
Oh, which one? I don't know.
Sonya or Tonya -- the one with the hair.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, they have to be filled by 5:00 tomorrow.
Got it -- platters, 5:00.
- Hello, angels.
- Hi.
I'm forgetting something.
What am I forgetting? Your glasses.
Oh, yeah, that would help.
Can you believe I finally got your father to take a vacation? I don't know how you did it.
Oh, I'm so excited.
We're going to the most fantastic inn.
It's got feather beds, a heart-shaped tub.
And I got my very first chilean.
What's a "chilean"? Wax.
It's all gone.
Oh, my god.
She means "brazilian.
" It's a surprise.
Shh -- don't tell your father.
Oh, we won't.
Oh, god.
Look -- Joey Pensacola.
Oh, god, he was so hot.
Oh, I wonder what happened to him.
You're married.
I know.
I just said I wonder.
Hey, can I have this barrette? That's a roach clip.
You bought a roach clip.
Well, I thought it was a barrette.
There aren't any oreos.
Oh, I hate it when you do that.
It wasn't funny when I was 8.
It's not funny now.
Oh, Rosie, look.
Look at this.
Oh, it's from my 6th grade science fair.
I played different types of music to ferns spawned from the same seed.
Those ferns did not like Nirvana.
Oh, you were so good at science.
It was like a natural gift.
Oh, don't say that.
Her acting teacher yelled at her today.
He basically told me I'm not a real actress.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
He's not allowed to yell at you.
Only we're allowed to.
It's not just him.
You guys, acting is really hard.
I mean, when I was in pre-med, I was bored sometimes, but at least I understood it.
I didn't feel like I was drowning.
Rose, honey, I hate to say this, but this is what you signed up for.
An actor's life is filled with constant rejection and a life of uncertainty.
I mean, you knew what you were getting into.
I guess.
I mean, you couldn't just expect to sail through this like you did pre-med.
You spent your whole life doing this science stuff.
You have to learn to deal with rejection.
I don't want to deal with rejection.
Oh, look -- look at this.
You've experienced rejection, you got second place.
Only because Nadia Shabyek cheated her results.
Hey.
How's it going? What are you doing? What's the matter? Still the Casanov thing.
Anything I can do? Oh, yeah, you could kill him for me.
Well, I don't know about that.
But I could borrow some bacterium from the lab and make him very, very sick.
How would you feel about coming to Brooklyn this weekend? Like, for a booty call? No.
I'm thinking about switching back to pre-med.
I want to know what I've missed.
Can you catch me up? Are you serious? You're dropping experimental theater? Maybe.
I just want to see.
What about all your cool friends with the dreadlocks, and the pink hair, and the tattoos they're sure to regret in five years? Look, will you come to Brooklyn and help me or not? Are you kidding? And study all day with you in a deli? Of course.
I'm there.
Really? Oh, yeah.
Not for you, though.
For the free sausage and pepper sandwiches.
Bite me.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Oh, my god.
Mom's ring.
I can't believe that you just left it here in a box.
Oh, gimme.
No.
I always wanted this ring, and you got it, and you don't even wear it.
I wear it.
You wear it? It's probably been in this box for, what, like, 10 years? I was just keeping it safe.
Come on.
I love this ring.
Yeah, so do I.
Guys! What? Let's not make it one of those weekends.
What do you mean, one of those weekends? I just don't want you guys to get how you get.
How do we get? Uh, at each other's throats.
The battle of wills.
The famous Ginnie and Marjee saga from pretty much every family vacation.
There's no Ginnie and Marjee saga.
It's really Marjee who acts like a child and tries to make me crazy.
It's really the Marjee saga.
That is so not true.
Oh, okay.
How about that time that we went to Gettysburg, and you told that boy that Ginnie stuffs her bra? That's how he knew.
Thank you, Ann.
You're wearing my dress? Yeah.
To work? So? So, just tell me this -- are you getting all dressed up for the deli meat or the man meat? I want to look nice for the customers.
Oh, sure.
Why hasn't he fixed that? Come on, guys.
We've got to get downstairs.
Why are you putting on mascara? For Marco.
- Marjee.
- What? Why are you getting dressed up for Marco? Oh come on.
Didn't you see them yesterday? She was glowing.
I was not glowing.
Yes, you were.
And you know what? I haven't seen you smile like that since Danny.
Have I really been that much of a downer? It's so not a bad thing, enjoying a little harmless male attention, especially after a break-up.
I say you go for it.
I, for one, think it's a bad idea.
There's no idea here.
She's gonna flirt with him a little bit.
All right, come here.
What are you doing? Vanilla extract.
It's my secret weapon.
Guys love it.
It reminds them of their mommies.
That is so twisted.
Come on.
It's not like I'm giving you a chilean.
Marjee, what are you doing? I'm working the register.
I like to push the buttons.
Everybody likes to push the buttons.
That's why it's the best job.
Yeah, I know.
That's why I'm doing it.
No, you're not.
I know what this is about.
I didn't take the money, Ginnie.
Oh, Marjee, that was 10 years ago.
Everybody thinks that I took the money.
But why would I steal $150 the day I was working the register? That's stupid.
It makes no sense.
Marjee, it's not that you're not good with money.
You're not good with people.
Rose, come on.
You're doing the register.
Yay.
- I get to push the buttons.
- You can make the platters.
I don't want to -- who put you in charge? The universe, when I was cursed with organization, discipline, and a take-charge attitude.
Besides, no one was even listening when dad gave us instructions last night.
Yes, I was.
Okay, you're in charge.
Name three things he told us to do today.
I'll make the platters.
Ha.
Yay.
Thank you.
What are you doing? You were supposed to make the platters, like, an hour ago.
Marjee, come on, you have to start pulling your weight.
Or else? Just do it.
Seriously, I really want to know what you're gonna do to me if I don't follow your little orders.
I'm not gonna engage in this with you.
We should just all act like grown-ups.
Well, it's a little hard to act like a grown-up when you insist upon treating me like a child.
Okay, you want to act like a lazy little brat? Go right ahead.
I'll make the platters.
Hmm, that's so sweet.
Thank you, Ginnie.
You know, we came out here to relive the old times, right? But I just realized that the old times suck.
This weekend sucks.
I'm gonna invite some people over tonight.
No, you're not.
Excuse me? You're not having a party, Marjee.
Uh, I didn't say "party.
" I said I was gonna invite some people over.
But now that you mention it, that's an excellent idea.
Why didn't I think about that? Yes, we are going to have a party.
No, we won't.
Like a Halloween party? You mean, like with a haunted house and costumes? No.
Like a "dad's out of town and Ginnie doesn't want to have a party" party.
Yeah, I've been to that party.
It doesn't end well.
You get drunk and wind up running down the street naked.
I wasn't drunk.
What? Come on, go.
Flirt.
Show him your "A" game.
Hey, Marco.
Hey.
You're pretty good at that.
Thanks.
I kind of, uh -- Yeah, well, I better get working on the sausage, huh? Oh, yeah.
God, I do love your sausage.
No, I mean, how it tastes.
Uh, I'm gonna go back there.
Why don't you, uh, work on this? Oh, my god.
You suck at flirting.
Take your time.
All right, bye.
That gets funnier and funnier.
I know.
Did you eat a donut? It's vanilla extract.
Oh, hey, Marjee, we've taken in about 150 today.
You interested? That would be so funny, Rose, if I had actually taken the money.
Go.
Flirt with him.
Um, I think I made a big enough fool of myself, thank you.
Hey, Marco.
Ann will help you.
Go on.
So, who do you see? Anyone from high school still come in? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Joanna Frankl.
She comes in once in a while.
Oh, yeah, Evan Price.
He came in last month.
Anyway, you know, he's divorced now.
He lives on the upper west side.
And he's looking pretty miserable, too, you know? Overworked, lost.
He comes into the deli, he sees me standing behind the counter.
He actually looks at me like he felt sorry for me.
Like, uh, well, he got out, you know, and I didn't.
Like I'm just this sausage guy.
That sucks.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
The truth is I actually feel sorry for him.
Because, I mean, I'm happy, you know? I know who I am.
I've got a pretty cool life.
You know what I mean? Just 'cause I'm not a podiatrist.
No, you're not.
Oh.
I don't think I'm doing this right.
Well, let me see.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're doing it wrong.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I suck.
No, look, look.
Here.
Maybe you should just be a little less, um, you know, forceful.
Look -- you grab it right here.
Put it in your hand.
Okay, now you grab it firmly, but gently.
Oh, yeah, that's much better.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Hold it right here.
Good.
Now you just give it a little twist.
Yeah, a little more.
Good, good.
That's better.
Good.
Yeah, that feels better.
Mmm, you smell pretty good.
What's that? Like pound cake.
Thanks.
Okay, um Sorry.
You know, on second thought Of course I'm gonna have a chocolate fountain.
Like I'm gonna throw a party without a chocolate fountain.
All right, bye.
Hi.
Oh, my god.
You have sex hair.
I do not.
We just made out.
It must have been some pretty good making out because that right there, that's sex hair.
Thank you.
Come again.
Thanks.
Bye-bye.
Well, I'm so glad we could share that moment with Mrs.
Gillespie.
What was he like? Is he a good kisser? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
I forgot how much I like kissing.
You know, when you guys were just talking about some flirting, that was fine.
But what do you think you're doing here? She's just having a little fun.
Come on, it's harmless.
Yeah, except it's not harmless.
It's Marco.
And he's gonna lure her into bed and then break her heart.
He's the king of flings.
So? Why can't she have a fling? Why? Because this is Ann we're talking about, Marjee.
She is constitutionally incapable of having a fling.
She craves long-term relationships.
May I weigh in? If you must.
Guys, I'm just having fun here.
And Marco is not just the king of flings.
He's actually really deep.
I mean, it might not look like it to look at him, but he's got thoughts and feelings and stuff.
Man, do you miss the point of meaningless sex.
You ordered the Joel? Hey.
What took you so long? Hey, be nice.
It took me, like, six trains, two buses, and a ferry to get here.
A ferry? Was there a quicker way? Right now in bio, we're talking about R.
N.
A.
Oh, right, which is made from D.
N.
A.
And that happens when an enzyme called "R.
N.
A.
polymerase" catalyzes a synthesis by binding to a special promoter region on the D.
N.
A.
helix.
Okay, how do you know that? Well, I got bored last year, and I read ahead.
Wow, and it just stuck in your head like that? I guess.
Is that weird? No, it's impressive.
And a little weird.
It's just, this stuff is really simple to me.
I get it without having to think about it, unlike acting, which is not so simple.
Like, the other day, we had to dance with architecture.
How the hell do you dance with architecture? I don't even know what that means.
Yeah, it sounds pretty lame.
Yeah, but then there's the scene study stuff, which is really fun and scary and cool and kind of exciting.
And I thought I was really good at it, but I guess I was wrong.
What do you think I should do? - Rose, I can't really -- - I should probably quit, right? Because I'd rather be bored than, like, completely lost.
See, I'm both a lot of the time, so Okay, let's do this.
Have you covered the part about the R.
N.
A.
polymerase having its own helicase activity, as opposed to having it as a separate subunit, like D.
N.
A.
polymerase? I don't think so.
Really? It's chapter one.
Man, I do not know this stuff.
Uh-oh.
We're $1.
50 short.
Marjee? Oh, so now I'm not just a thief.
I'm a cheap thief.
Awesome.
So, what do you think of him? His name is Jerry.
Oh, he's great.
But is he gonna help us close? Ann, maybe you could start sweeping.
Rose -- we'll let her do the back.
And, Marjee, you've been tracking pumpkin goop all over the floor, so it's not gonna clean itself.
Oh, why? I thought that it was magical self-cleaning pumpkin goop.
You know, I finally figured out why you can't keep a job for a couple of months.
Because I'm related to you and I'd fire you.
Really? That's so funny because if you were my stick-up-the-ass boss, I probably would have quit by now.
Guys, enough.
Where's Rose? She'll be back in a second.
She's with Joel.
I think he's her new boyfriend.
What? New boyfriend? Who's Joel? You mean that boy that was here? I thought he was delivering newspapers.
Rosie, why didn't you tell me you had a new boyfriend? I don't.
Let's just go with it, baby.
Um, I'm not her boyfriend.
We got married in Vegas last week.
He's not my boyfriend.
He's just a friend.
That's what we like to hear.
Okay, well, you and your little friend could go and finish up in the back.
Hmm, "little friend" -- we love to hear that more.
Okay, where was I? Chairs on tables.
"Chairs on tables.
" Why are you acting like you did when we were kids? Because every time I look at that ring on your finger, it makes me want to scream.
Come on.
You can't still be on the ring.
You knew that I always loved that ring.
And dad gave it to you because, why? I was the irresponsible one.
And you were the perfect, predictable one, riding right down the middle of the road.
Hey, I am not boring.
I didn't say that you were boring.
I said that you were perfect and predictable.
But you know what, Ginnie? If the ring fits -- I have as much right to this ring as you do.
Yeah, but you got it.
That ring is a symbol of the double standard in this family that is just completely unfair.
Unfair? Like the fact that I had to live home all during college to help take care of you guys? You mean unfair like that? I never asked for a single thing for myself, except maybe a silly little ring.
Well, I'm sorry.
You're right.
You know what? I'm gonna go to the bank and drop off the money.
I know it's really predictable, but someone's got to do it.
So, does anyone remember what we're supposed to do? No.
Me neither.
Hi.
Oh, yeah.
Good, good.
This is your shirt.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
So, do I throw the best parties, or do I throw the best parties? You do.
Now, have you apologized to Ginnie? Have you met me? I really think you need to ask yourself, what is your investment in continuing to cast Ginnie as this authority figure? And what makes rebelling against that authority such an integral facet of your identity? Don't shrink me, Ann.
All rignt? I'm not in the mood.
Yeah.
Hey, there.
Well, you seem to be feeling a little bit cheerier.
And I know you're not drinking, so, what's up? I was at the bank, and I was thinking, "why should I let her ruin my weekend?" Plus, what would make Marjee more miserable than me having a great time? This is true.
- You want to dance? - Okay.
Let's dance.
Oh, yeah.
This is so fun.
It feels like old times.
I love it.
Oh, I remember that one.
Do the walk.
Do the walk.
Hi.
Yeah, it feels like old times.
There you go.
Thanks.
You're a really good dancer.
You got a rubber? You're getting married, Tonya.
Thank you.
What? Nothing.
I'm just remembering the first time that we kissed.
Um, yeah, that would be today.
What? I can't believe you don't remember.
Cafeteria, 5th grade? Sally Wackerman dared you to come over and give me a kiss on the lips? No.
You ran over to the table and still had this mouthful of tater tots, and you gave me this big old kiss.
No.
And then you got all embarrassed.
And then you ran to the little girls' bathroom and hid.
I totally forgot about that.
Well, I remember.
Excuse me.
I have to go to the girls' bathroom.
No, come on.
Do you want to go upstairs? Oh, yeah.
Go, go, go, go, go, go Wow.
You have such amazing arms, such amazing everything.
Yeah? You're pretty spectacular yourself.
So, what are you doing tomorrow? Actually, I have the day off.
Oh.
Okay, well, we could see a movie.
Oh, there's this amazing danish film that's playing at the Angelika.
Not so much with the danish films, huh? Yeah, you know, not unless Vin Diesel's blowing something up.
You know what I mean? He's danish, right? I don't think so.
Hey.
Why don't we go to buckets? Buckets? Yeah.
Hey, you know, we don't have to try and make this into a thing.
No.
I just thought -- We had a great day, right? Amazing.
Oh, I know.
It was, like, um wow.
But, you know, maybe we just, um, call this what it is.
So, what do we do now? We just get up and go? We gotta put our clothes on first.
Right.
They're even sexy going on.
Oh, my god.
I thought you were Ann.
- I'm sorry.
I thought you were -- - What the hell are you doing? Yeah, one more keg.
The same address.
I mean, yeah, I know that it's late.
Yes, I would like to have a party with you, too.
Okay.
Thank you.
Bye.
Hey, girls, it's dad.
Pick up if you're there.
- Chug, chug, chug, chug! - Shut your faces! It's 8:30.
We're about to head back.
We're gonna be home as soon as we can.
Ah, thou wouldst not suffer me to kiss thy mouth, Jokanaan.
Well, I will kiss it now.
I will bite it with my teeth, as one bites a ripe fruit.
Yes, I will kiss it now.
Wow.
Oh.
Oh, god.
Rose, what are you doing? I was just talking to the -- the dip thing.
No.
Quitting theater.
What are you doing? You so obviously love this acting stuff.
I mean, we're here at this party, and you'd rather be alone in the kitchen, making out with bread.
I was just practicing, seeing if I could get it right.
I get it.
I do the same thing sometimes when I'm alone.
I pretend I'm a doctor.
I use my ipod as a stethoscope, and when my roommate falls asleep, I make believe he's my patient.
Really? No, that would be creepy.
Who cares if I love it if I suck at it? One guy said you suck.
He sucks.
He does suck.
Yeah, so screw him, and screw pre-med.
I mean, you're not a doctor.
You're an actress.
Yeah, I think I am.
I'm an actress.
Yeah.
This means I'm not gonna be your lab partner.
Are you upset? Please.
And have to carry you for a whole semester? Phew -- relieved.
Okay, Colin, you really kind of need to go.
Whoa, Marjee.
Marjee, whoa.
Wait, hey.
Hey, I thought we were gonna hang out.
I know, I know.
Except my dad is going to walk through this door any second.
And if there is a party going on, then I could very possibly be grounded.
What are you, in high school? All right, okay.
Nice to see you.
Goodbye.
Why isn't anybody leaving? Come on.
Can't you people take a hint? Out.
Out, out, out.
Come on, no more.
The party's over.
Hey, what's going on? - Oh, I don't want to tell you.
- Why not? Because you're just gonna say, "I told you so.
" No, I won't.
Okay, we've got to get everybody out of here now.
Dad is on his way home.
I'm gonna get in serious trouble here.
I'm sorry, Marjee.
No, it's your problem.
It's your party, and I'm just a guest.
You see that guy over there? I told him I would make a margarita in his mouth.
Oh, my god.
I'm so screwed.
Why? Dad is on his way home.
Did you try to call them and get them to turn around? Yes, I tried, but the phone is turned off.
It's frickin' Renee.
She's paranoid about the rays.
Rays? Okay, everybody out! Oh, they're not leaving.
What do I do? Help me.
Well, what do you want me to do? Okay, attention, everybody! Thank you all for coming.
It means so much to me.
Now please get the hell out! Yeah, seriously, though, guys, we're out of beer, and - Good one.
- Thanks, sis.
Oh, my god.
Ann, will you look at this place? It's like a -- it's practically destroyed.
Oh, my god.
Dad is gonna kill me.
- Calm down.
- No, no.
Maybe I need to freak out a little bit, okay? Maybe it's part of my residual identity, and I don't think you should be messing with my residual identity.
What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Have you tried this with strawberries? Delicious.
Help me.
- Please.
- Why? Because I need you.
Okay, Ginnie? And because the universe cursed you with organization, discipline, and a take-charge attitude.
Just help me.
All right.
Then I'm taking charge.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay.
Up! Okay, okay, okay.
Rose, you and your little friend are on garbage detail.
Ann, go upstairs and make sure the bedrooms are free and clear of the prophylactic devices.
And, Marjee, you start sweeping and mopping.
Come on, people.
We can do it.
Come on.
Oh, it was fun.
We're having fun times.
Bye.
Okay, so did we get everything? Yep.
Even the puke? Yep.
Really? I don't want to talk about it.
Hey, Rose.
Where did your little friend go? Back to the dorm.
He says, "bye," by the way.
He's kind of cute.
Are you ever gonna I don't think so.
That's too bad.
Hey.
Look what I found.
What is it? It's your first play.
Really? What was I? Baby jesus.
And we're the three wise-asses.
Well, that's what dad used to call us, anyway.
Oh, I forgot about that.
Let me see.
Is that mom? Yeah.
She looks so beautiful.
She used to love these plays.
What? Don't think you're gonna get away without telling us the dirt on Marco.
Yeah, are you guys gonna live happily ever after? Yeah -- separately.
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, it's fine.
I got naked with a man who likes to go to buckets.
Marj, you know, you really did good tonight.
You stepped up in a big way.
And you are still awesomely perfect.
Will you stop? I hate when you say that.
What? It's true.
No.
I'm not perfect.
I'm not predictable, and I'm not boring.
I never said that you were boring, Ginnie.
And being perfect isn't a bad thing.
Well, it's just that I have been, um irresponsible.
Right.
- Name one bad thing you've done.
- Well And it has to be something real.
It can't be you wore the same bra two days in a row.
You can't think of anything, can you? No, I can.
It's just Don't hate me.
Whoa, this sounds good.
I stole the $150 from dad's cash register, and I let you take the blame.
Oh, my god.
She's human.
No, she's a monster.
What? I can't believe that that was you.
Oh, my god.
All these years, I have been considered the screw-up, and it's because of you.
- Marjee, I -- - Why did you do it? Why did you do it? When mom died, it was kind of up to me to look after you guys, and I was young.
And I got frustrated sometimes, and I just wted something for myself, you know, just something.
So I took the $150, and I bought a pair of Cavaricci jeans.
I loved those Cavariccis.
But then I never wore them because I knew you guys would ask me where I got the money.
So I'm sorry.
Here.
What? I want you to have it.
It's yours.
Dad gave it to you.
He gave it to me, not knowing that I took the money, so maybe he would have given it to you.
Either way, you've always loved it more, so take it.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
It looks good on you.
Stop crying, Rose.
I'm not crying.
So are we even? Hmm we're pretty close.
Hello? Hi.
We're in here.
We tried to call you, but dad's cellphone was off.
You can't leave those things on.
I read it in the Star -- they have rays.
Do you guys know anything about a beer delivery? What? No.
That's weird.
For a Marjee Sorelli? Ginnie stole the $150.
What? Now we're even.
No! "Sorry, daddy.
"