Relic Hunter s01e05 Episode Script
Thank You Very Much
You make me shimmy, you make me shake you make me feel like a big earthquake baby, i say once again, uh-huh you know i love you.
- don't leave me, don't make a mistake.
- Come on, greta, let's get out of here.
This crazy thing you call me brings a big man to his knees - baby, i say once again, uh-huh.
- I should've known that pretty boy was in here.
I'm not looking for any trouble, hoss.
So how about i buy you a beer, huh? How about you kiss my ass, elvis the frickin' pelvis? Well, it's the only offer i've had tonight, but i'll pass.
Smart-mouth.
- Go out back.
- We can take "em.
Oh yeah, that's just the kind of press you need.
Go.
I'll be there in a second.
No, no.
Come on.
You know, it's too bad you're shipping out next week.
I'm going to miss saving your southern butt.
Well, you've done it often enough.
You know, you're a good friend and a hell of a picker, too.
Yeah.
- Here's a going away present, man.
- Oh, man.
No, i can't.
Go on, keep playing.
All right.
Well he can't sell it for thirty days.
No, don't.
Okay, i know we need the money.
The gi's are always burning these guys.
They don't like us.
Sure hope he waits.
Come on.
Hello, lovely ladies.
Claudia.
Claudia.
Claudia!!! Do you mind? What are you, like a hundred and ten? I'm trying to concentrate.
Why does everything you listen to have to be so angry? It's not angry, it's opinionated.
I mean, this is what's happenin'.
Jay-z, beastie boys, busta rhymes, tlc, and snoop.
It's what's crack-a-lackin' know what i'm saying? Funk soul brother? Hooee but you can't get up and go to school without bill haley and the king jerry lee, the killer.
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire.
George brown.
I'm playing the green bush club on the campus road.
You ought to come down.
Ah yeah.
Say, listen, where would i find sydney fox? A couple of the kids at the club said she might be able to help me.
Every night but sunday, two shows on saturday.
I'll give you a hell of a show.
Now, that's a promise.
Look um george.
George brown.
George, i've got a south american studies class in about five minutes so unless there is something more specific.
This is it.
I had a guitar that was given to me by the king.
I'd sure give just about anything to get it back.
- King? - Only one king.
Elvis? I bunked with him, i got drunk with him, i played poker with him.
He only played for matchsticks on account of his mama told him not to gamble.
That boy loved his mama.
And i was his friend.
So whatever happened to the guitar? I pawned it.
Stupid, i know, but i had a kid on the way.
He's an accountant.
Must have been a mix-up at the hospital.
But now i've got this grandson.
Kid's fifteen, little devil, but he plays guitar like an angel.
That right? Yeah.
But the boy he won't hardly talk to me.
He thinks i'm a liar and a loser.
Well, i admit, i've been both, but it sure would be nice to have that boy know that at least once, i really did play with the greatest.
Unfortunately, there's a a lot of conflicting information when it comes to elvis.
There's as much myth as there is facts, especially on the net.
I'm not surprised.
Do you want me to keep digging? That won't be necessary.
I've decided to go to the source.
Oh, you've found elvis, have you? In a way.
I mean, who would know more about elvis than elvis? I don't understand.
Your ah person has arrived.
I put him in your office.
He was making me nervous.
- Mr wilkinson, thank you for coming.
- My pleasure.
Mr wilkinson appears at the cougar room on highway 80.
Four nights a week.
I'm i'm on my way to a show.
- Of course.
- Please.
Mr wilkinson has spent years researching elvis presley's life.
Oh, i was just a fan, at first.
But gradually, he began to take hold of me.
Then one day, i couldn't help it.
My urge to dress up like him was just too great.
Uh-huh.
I began to mimic him, sing like him.
The first for my friends, but eventually, i began performing on stage.
Today, after thirty years i can honestly say i know as much about the king as anyone alive.
Then you're familiar with this guitar we're interested in? Oh, yes, yes.
The one you mentioned was custom-made for him shortly after he appeared on the ed sullivan show in april of "53.
Martin d-18, rosewood body, abalone inlays, quite beautiful.
I'd say it would be worth several hundred thousand dollars.
Do you have any idea where the guitar might be today? Elvis didn't come home with it from germany.
And it was never seen again.
Oh.
Thank you for coming in.
Thank you, thank you very much.
Looks like we've run into a dead-end.
- We haven't covered all the bases yet.
- No? It was last seen in germany.
Yeah, this is it, all right.
Hasn't changed much either.
- Pawn shops and cockroaches.
- Yup.
Look, i bought this store twenty years ago.
I don't know anything about a transaction in in 1960.
Are there any records somewhere? Records? Yeah, sure, they would be in the storage room which, eight years ago was destroyed by fire.
Poof, gone.
That's the only place they would be.
I could make you a nice deal on an engagement ring, yeah? - No, no.
- No.
- No, thank you.
- Woo-eeh.
Look at this.
Look at this.
Oh, the mersey dukes, an old liverpool band.
Yeah, they always played here at the club indra.
But never mind about them.
- Look at this guy.
- Who is it? Damned if i know, but he's playing elvis's guitar.
Oh, the pictures came with the store.
I don't know who he is.
If we could borrow it yeah, sure, that's not a problem for fifty marks.
- Fifty marks? - And something held for collateral.
This is absolutely ridiculous.
No.
This place was pretty high-class back in the fifties.
Looks like it's changed a little.
I'm not sure this is the kind of joint you should come into.
- Oh, i've been in worse, believe me.
- I was talking to him.
I've been in worse places as well.
Horrible places.
Oh wow-woo, look at that picture! Yeah, yeah, ha.
I'm sorry my german is a little rusty.
Son, i don't think she has talking on her mind.
Thank you, but no thank you.
- Gay? - No.
The manager's new here.
The only one who might be able to help us is the janitor.
He's worked here since the "60s.
Yeah, yeah, gunther.
He played in the house band here for years.
- Then he stopped, no more music.
- You know him? That's great.
- Do you know where gunther is now? - Oh, i i'm afraid i can't help you there.
What's his surname? Oh i never knew that.
He was just gunther, gunther nagontos.
Well, thanks, hoss.
I appreciate it.
Yeah, he still comes in for a drink every once in a while.
He comes here? Yeah, yeah.
He sits right there, always there.
I love this man.
Gay.
Remember, you want to play your two smallest tiles that total seven, eight or nine.
- Ah, you're on next, dorris.
- God, you're right.
The locomotion number's really starting to gel.
- It's improved a whole lot since monday.
- Oh god, that's so sweet, george.
Don't feel too bad, leslie.
Nothing beats a giju.
Now, look here, people.
I want this guitar more than anything.
You know that but we can't spend the rest of our lives in this place.
I suppose tammy could send us a picture of her new costume.
All right.
I think we should go.
- Gunther? - Yeah.
Well, hello.
We sure are glad to see you, buddy.
You don't know how good it is.
Yes? We have a couple of questions.
It shouldn't take long.
- I don't understand.
- It's about a guitar.
- This guitar.
- Excuse me.
I will be right back.
- Maybe he just needs to use the john? - I have another theory.
- What's that? - Maybe he's out of here? We just want to talk.
Stop! - You're very fast.
- Hoss, i've taken forty years of waiting.
Gunther, no one's going to hurt you.
You can put your hands down.
- We only want to talk.
- Talk about what? - About about music.
- You are not from the government? George, why don't you take gunther back to the club? Have a beer, just the two of you.
Musician to musician? - Good idea.
- Yes, all right.
- A nice boy.
And you.
You still play? - Wherever they'll let me.
You? Late at night when my family is sleeping, i listen on the headphones and i play how do you say? - Air guitar.
- Air guitar, yeah.
Rock on, gunther.
That guitar means a lot to me, gunther, for reasons i think you'd understand.
Nice talking to you, gunther.
I recognised it as soon as i saw it in the window.
I bought it, but i was stupid.
I told people i had it.
You're telling me it was stolen from you? In a manner of speaking.
It was the coldest days of the cold war.
Late at night, three men came to my house.
I knew they were dangerous men.
Dangerous? From the british, american, and german intelligence services.
They came for the guitar.
The intelligence services asked for elvis's guitar? I know, i could not believe it myself.
They gave me money, ten thousand marks a lot of money in those days.
I would have turned down a million.
But they were not asking, they were demanding.
- And if i hadn't given it to them, well - you have no idea why they wanted it? None.
But that day, i stopped playing.
I thought i was going to be the german elvis.
Gunther, you go out and you buy yourself a guitar and you play.
Play in the middle of the night sitting in the closet if you've got to.
But play.
You've got to let the music out.
- But no one will hear.
- You'll hear.
What would intelligence services want with elvis presley's guitar? I have no idea.
But there's someone in the american embassy in berlin that i used to know.
Used to know? So we still have spies in berlin? I'm a cultural attaché.
So what are you after in berlin? - A lost guitar.
- And what's special about this one? It was elvis presley's.
Well, i wouldn't know anything about that.
I i can't help you, sydney.
I helped you out once, steve, in a big way.
I bet they probably wouldn't even care any more how you got your big break now would they? - You've heard of dieter von hoffman? - A famous east german spymaster responsible for all those exchanges on the golinka bridge.
Mm-hm, well, he was also a big fan of american culture clothes, books, movies, music.
Especially music, especially elvis.
Go on.
Well, they got hold of one of our agents.
So the deal was one million dollars for the east german government and elvis's guitar for dieter.
So where would this dieter von hoffman be now? When the wall came down, he went underground.
Nobody knows where he is.
His codename was da schlong.
- I don't think i even want to know.
- The official translation is the snake.
So what grass would you start beating around in, if you were me? You might find some useful information in the former east german intelligence agency files.
And where would these records be kept? You'll never get in there.
The records are in the basement, a catacomb they converted.
Lovely.
According to my friend at the embassy, they're accessible through the air duct.
Oh this just keeps getting better, doesn't it? That must be it there.
Now, if we can figure out a way to distract the guards for about forty-five seconds.
Honey, distracting people is what i do best.
Last night, i went a walkin' i went walking through the streets of berlin - last hey, herr guard guy.
Hey, this is cool, very cool.
What is this place? You must go away.
This place is off-limits.
What a great looking puppy.
I love dogs.
Ich liebe dogs.
Does he do tricks? - His main trick is to bite your ass off.
- I think i'll just go back to the hotel now.
Good idea.
Excuse me, herr guard, if you could just point me in the direction of the hotel.
I i don't have a clue as to where the hell i am, partner.
I just love a good saur bratten.
Where do you think i could get a good saur bratten? Thank you kindly.
Well, i suppose it would be too much to expect that it would be filed under "v" for von hoffman.
Looks like they're using some germanic version of the dewey decimal system.
Yes.
Possibly based upon which level of responsibility each person attained.
Let's try this way.
There's a second dairy hierarchy of categories based upon i'll just look over here.
Yes.
They're coming from over there.
Let's go this way.
This is a dead end.
Put down the file and step away.
We were lost.
Yes, that's right.
The map is not well marked, i have to say.
We're nowhere near the brandenburg gate, are we? - Put down the file or i will shoot you.
- Okay.
Putting down the file.
Come on.
Let's go.
What are you thinking they're thinking? That they've probably never seen people this anxious to do their laundry before.
We will just hang out here until it is clear.
Give us a chance to study the files.
- You are not washing anything.
- The - you are not washing.
- No, actually, you see, we're just um no wash, no stay.
Goodbye.
We'll put some money in the machine.
- No.
No wash, no stay.
Goodbye.
- We'll wash.
You cannot put just one item into machine.
This is wasteful.
It must be full.
But i usually have them dry-cleaned.
All right, all right.
This is our guy.
And here's a list of dissidents he got out of east germany for a fee.
It looks like he made most of them sign over their private property directly to him.
Any mention of where he is now? No, it's like steve said, there is nothing on him after the fall of the berlin wall.
This is interesting: There's also a mention of a herman essen.
Who's he? Apparently, he was well connected with the wealthy east germans.
- He brokered most of dieter's deals.
- A political-financial matchmaker.
Exactly.
Maybe he could help us find dieter.
How do we find out where he is? Well, it looks like most of the deals involve artwork.
I have more than a few connections at the galleries and museums around berlin.
Honey, you've got more connections than a phone company.
Oh, no.
Oh, how am i gunna get my watch back now? Well, this is the address my guy at the berlin museum gave me.
Apparently, herman has himself quite the art collection.
- Well, is this some kind of party? - I don't think so, hoss.
- Shlong, herman essen was dieter von hoffman.
Sydney, you presented me with an opportunity i had to take advantage of.
I knew that if anyone could find him, it would be you.
I'd like to take a look around.
I'm sorry, sydney, but the house is being cordoned off.
Tomorrow, they will retrieve the body, make the id and then the sweepers are going over the whole place.
All i want is the guitar.
Well, unfortunately, everything they find will be confiscated.
Now, certainly, your man can apply to have the guitar returned.
Yeah, right.
It's out of my hands, syd.
Well, the front door is certainly out of the question.
Yeah.
But not necessarily the back.
Well, this is a house that was owned by the last emperor of germany, don't forget.
Probably been in the royal family for generations.
- Through assassination attempts.
- Peasant revolts.
- Illicit affairs with chambermaids.
- What the hell are you two talking about? A secret passageway.
Usually let out from under the house some place safe up to a quarter of a mile away, sometimes.
How did you know where the exit was? - Experience.
- And knowledge.
And the five tonne truck in the middle of the field.
It seems the snake was going to slither away with his booty before he had his massive heart attack.
Timing's everything, ain't it? Yeah.
Now, these must lead to the manor house.
Let's see what's in here.
Stand back.
Wait.
As much as it's always interesting when you do this if von hoffman had a truck ready to move everything out then it's just possible that he might have already unlocked the door.
Ch'in dynasty, 200 bce king ch'in.
Exquisite.
Van gogh.
It's a van gogh.
Looky-here at this.
Some statue of a guy with a little ding-a-ling.
Damn, another one of those picasso's.
Looks like the home shopping network in here.
Where the hell is the guitar? Ah, george? Your honours, hoss.
The king's guitar.
I don't believe it.
- Neither do i.
- Put my guitar down, please, gently.
Dieter.
You are a troublesome woman.
You're dead.
He was dead.
He wasn't dead? It just looked that way, didn't it, dieter? If i'd had more time, i would have made out the scent of lavender.
- Lavender? Blowfish toxin.
- That's right.
Used by voodoo priests in haiti.
In small amounts, it puts a body into a state of suspended animation for up to 48 hours.
That's how the priest supposedly kill their victims then bring them back as the walking dead.
I guess we've put you off schedule, now haven't we, dieter? Unfortunately, i will now have to load most of this myself.
We be happy to help.
I appreciate the offer, but you're going to be busy dying.
- Bach? - Wagner.
- Well, there must be hundreds of snakes.
- Why did it have to be snakes? Well, at least we cracked the code name.
I'm afraid it will have to be much tighter than that unless you want me to shoot you and do it myself.
Sorry, sydney.
It's one of the largest private collections in the world.
Vipers, adders, corals, rattlesnakes.
Sadly, one of my king cobras died last year.
My condolences.
Any ideas? Not a single one.
Do you have any play at all? None.
The ropes are too tight.
What about you, george? George? George, listen to me you're our only hope.
You're not tied to anyone.
I'm not liking the sound of this right off.
I'm just telling you that, okay? You have to try.
Knock yourself over and fall to the floor.
- I don't think so.
- Snakes are not aggressive.
Do they know that? You have to trust me.
I have a knife in my boot.
Try and land close to me.
You should be able to reach it and cut the leg restraints.
I'll take it from there.
All right.
I have just got to tell you this straight off, i can't do this.
Then we will die, george.
They will run out of food and they will bite us.
Go, hah, get away, you little doggy.
I thought playing for beers and hush puppies was a tough gig.
I've got a whole new respect for your line of work.
The knife is in my right boot.
Come on.
Okay, just one more.
Okay, slowly, no sudden moves.
Let's go.
Dear, oh lord, i do not want to get bitten.
You're doing great, george, don't think about them, just get to the door.
He must have half of all the snakes in germany here.
We're trapped.
B minor.
C major.
Nigel, hurry.
I'm trying.
I can't seem to remember the phrase.
A-flat minor? Nigel, just play everything you know, we don't have a lot of time.
Was it augmented? No.
Wait, a diminished 3rd step aside, or i'll smash it against the wall into a thousand pieces.
How can we trust him? You can't.
Sydney, you presented me with an opportunity.
I had to take advantage of it.
A deal.
Uh-huh? You get the guitar.
It's what you wanted.
I get everything else.
- Okay.
- It is what we wanted, sydney.
Steve.
You know these things belong to the world.
I mean, they belong in a museum.
It's just not right.
Give it up, goodman, we'll find the lights any second.
Oh my god.
Sydney, get me out of here.
Open the door.
Come on, sydney, i can't keep these things back.
Come on get me out of here.
Please.
The power going out must have wiped out the memory.
Come on! Sydney, i can hear you, get me out of here.
There's snakes in here, come on.
I get the point.
You can turn me in.
I'll turn myself in.
They're coming to get me.
Get me out of here.
Sydney, get me out of here.
It is actually not that bad.
I mean, you can still make out the faces a little.
- This is true.
- So can i have the watch back? - No.
- How much will it three hundred.
Cash only.
It's after five.
The banks are closed.
I promise i'll get you the money just as soon as they open.
Just don't sell the watch, okay? I'll be back first thing in the morning.
Right.
See you soon.
So did you get it? Greedy bastard wanted three hundred dollars.
- Did you give it to him? - Well, of course not.
The banks are shut.
- Nigel.
- It's one-of-a-kind, sydney.
English
- don't leave me, don't make a mistake.
- Come on, greta, let's get out of here.
This crazy thing you call me brings a big man to his knees - baby, i say once again, uh-huh.
- I should've known that pretty boy was in here.
I'm not looking for any trouble, hoss.
So how about i buy you a beer, huh? How about you kiss my ass, elvis the frickin' pelvis? Well, it's the only offer i've had tonight, but i'll pass.
Smart-mouth.
- Go out back.
- We can take "em.
Oh yeah, that's just the kind of press you need.
Go.
I'll be there in a second.
No, no.
Come on.
You know, it's too bad you're shipping out next week.
I'm going to miss saving your southern butt.
Well, you've done it often enough.
You know, you're a good friend and a hell of a picker, too.
Yeah.
- Here's a going away present, man.
- Oh, man.
No, i can't.
Go on, keep playing.
All right.
Well he can't sell it for thirty days.
No, don't.
Okay, i know we need the money.
The gi's are always burning these guys.
They don't like us.
Sure hope he waits.
Come on.
Hello, lovely ladies.
Claudia.
Claudia.
Claudia!!! Do you mind? What are you, like a hundred and ten? I'm trying to concentrate.
Why does everything you listen to have to be so angry? It's not angry, it's opinionated.
I mean, this is what's happenin'.
Jay-z, beastie boys, busta rhymes, tlc, and snoop.
It's what's crack-a-lackin' know what i'm saying? Funk soul brother? Hooee but you can't get up and go to school without bill haley and the king jerry lee, the killer.
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire.
George brown.
I'm playing the green bush club on the campus road.
You ought to come down.
Ah yeah.
Say, listen, where would i find sydney fox? A couple of the kids at the club said she might be able to help me.
Every night but sunday, two shows on saturday.
I'll give you a hell of a show.
Now, that's a promise.
Look um george.
George brown.
George, i've got a south american studies class in about five minutes so unless there is something more specific.
This is it.
I had a guitar that was given to me by the king.
I'd sure give just about anything to get it back.
- King? - Only one king.
Elvis? I bunked with him, i got drunk with him, i played poker with him.
He only played for matchsticks on account of his mama told him not to gamble.
That boy loved his mama.
And i was his friend.
So whatever happened to the guitar? I pawned it.
Stupid, i know, but i had a kid on the way.
He's an accountant.
Must have been a mix-up at the hospital.
But now i've got this grandson.
Kid's fifteen, little devil, but he plays guitar like an angel.
That right? Yeah.
But the boy he won't hardly talk to me.
He thinks i'm a liar and a loser.
Well, i admit, i've been both, but it sure would be nice to have that boy know that at least once, i really did play with the greatest.
Unfortunately, there's a a lot of conflicting information when it comes to elvis.
There's as much myth as there is facts, especially on the net.
I'm not surprised.
Do you want me to keep digging? That won't be necessary.
I've decided to go to the source.
Oh, you've found elvis, have you? In a way.
I mean, who would know more about elvis than elvis? I don't understand.
Your ah person has arrived.
I put him in your office.
He was making me nervous.
- Mr wilkinson, thank you for coming.
- My pleasure.
Mr wilkinson appears at the cougar room on highway 80.
Four nights a week.
I'm i'm on my way to a show.
- Of course.
- Please.
Mr wilkinson has spent years researching elvis presley's life.
Oh, i was just a fan, at first.
But gradually, he began to take hold of me.
Then one day, i couldn't help it.
My urge to dress up like him was just too great.
Uh-huh.
I began to mimic him, sing like him.
The first for my friends, but eventually, i began performing on stage.
Today, after thirty years i can honestly say i know as much about the king as anyone alive.
Then you're familiar with this guitar we're interested in? Oh, yes, yes.
The one you mentioned was custom-made for him shortly after he appeared on the ed sullivan show in april of "53.
Martin d-18, rosewood body, abalone inlays, quite beautiful.
I'd say it would be worth several hundred thousand dollars.
Do you have any idea where the guitar might be today? Elvis didn't come home with it from germany.
And it was never seen again.
Oh.
Thank you for coming in.
Thank you, thank you very much.
Looks like we've run into a dead-end.
- We haven't covered all the bases yet.
- No? It was last seen in germany.
Yeah, this is it, all right.
Hasn't changed much either.
- Pawn shops and cockroaches.
- Yup.
Look, i bought this store twenty years ago.
I don't know anything about a transaction in in 1960.
Are there any records somewhere? Records? Yeah, sure, they would be in the storage room which, eight years ago was destroyed by fire.
Poof, gone.
That's the only place they would be.
I could make you a nice deal on an engagement ring, yeah? - No, no.
- No.
- No, thank you.
- Woo-eeh.
Look at this.
Look at this.
Oh, the mersey dukes, an old liverpool band.
Yeah, they always played here at the club indra.
But never mind about them.
- Look at this guy.
- Who is it? Damned if i know, but he's playing elvis's guitar.
Oh, the pictures came with the store.
I don't know who he is.
If we could borrow it yeah, sure, that's not a problem for fifty marks.
- Fifty marks? - And something held for collateral.
This is absolutely ridiculous.
No.
This place was pretty high-class back in the fifties.
Looks like it's changed a little.
I'm not sure this is the kind of joint you should come into.
- Oh, i've been in worse, believe me.
- I was talking to him.
I've been in worse places as well.
Horrible places.
Oh wow-woo, look at that picture! Yeah, yeah, ha.
I'm sorry my german is a little rusty.
Son, i don't think she has talking on her mind.
Thank you, but no thank you.
- Gay? - No.
The manager's new here.
The only one who might be able to help us is the janitor.
He's worked here since the "60s.
Yeah, yeah, gunther.
He played in the house band here for years.
- Then he stopped, no more music.
- You know him? That's great.
- Do you know where gunther is now? - Oh, i i'm afraid i can't help you there.
What's his surname? Oh i never knew that.
He was just gunther, gunther nagontos.
Well, thanks, hoss.
I appreciate it.
Yeah, he still comes in for a drink every once in a while.
He comes here? Yeah, yeah.
He sits right there, always there.
I love this man.
Gay.
Remember, you want to play your two smallest tiles that total seven, eight or nine.
- Ah, you're on next, dorris.
- God, you're right.
The locomotion number's really starting to gel.
- It's improved a whole lot since monday.
- Oh god, that's so sweet, george.
Don't feel too bad, leslie.
Nothing beats a giju.
Now, look here, people.
I want this guitar more than anything.
You know that but we can't spend the rest of our lives in this place.
I suppose tammy could send us a picture of her new costume.
All right.
I think we should go.
- Gunther? - Yeah.
Well, hello.
We sure are glad to see you, buddy.
You don't know how good it is.
Yes? We have a couple of questions.
It shouldn't take long.
- I don't understand.
- It's about a guitar.
- This guitar.
- Excuse me.
I will be right back.
- Maybe he just needs to use the john? - I have another theory.
- What's that? - Maybe he's out of here? We just want to talk.
Stop! - You're very fast.
- Hoss, i've taken forty years of waiting.
Gunther, no one's going to hurt you.
You can put your hands down.
- We only want to talk.
- Talk about what? - About about music.
- You are not from the government? George, why don't you take gunther back to the club? Have a beer, just the two of you.
Musician to musician? - Good idea.
- Yes, all right.
- A nice boy.
And you.
You still play? - Wherever they'll let me.
You? Late at night when my family is sleeping, i listen on the headphones and i play how do you say? - Air guitar.
- Air guitar, yeah.
Rock on, gunther.
That guitar means a lot to me, gunther, for reasons i think you'd understand.
Nice talking to you, gunther.
I recognised it as soon as i saw it in the window.
I bought it, but i was stupid.
I told people i had it.
You're telling me it was stolen from you? In a manner of speaking.
It was the coldest days of the cold war.
Late at night, three men came to my house.
I knew they were dangerous men.
Dangerous? From the british, american, and german intelligence services.
They came for the guitar.
The intelligence services asked for elvis's guitar? I know, i could not believe it myself.
They gave me money, ten thousand marks a lot of money in those days.
I would have turned down a million.
But they were not asking, they were demanding.
- And if i hadn't given it to them, well - you have no idea why they wanted it? None.
But that day, i stopped playing.
I thought i was going to be the german elvis.
Gunther, you go out and you buy yourself a guitar and you play.
Play in the middle of the night sitting in the closet if you've got to.
But play.
You've got to let the music out.
- But no one will hear.
- You'll hear.
What would intelligence services want with elvis presley's guitar? I have no idea.
But there's someone in the american embassy in berlin that i used to know.
Used to know? So we still have spies in berlin? I'm a cultural attaché.
So what are you after in berlin? - A lost guitar.
- And what's special about this one? It was elvis presley's.
Well, i wouldn't know anything about that.
I i can't help you, sydney.
I helped you out once, steve, in a big way.
I bet they probably wouldn't even care any more how you got your big break now would they? - You've heard of dieter von hoffman? - A famous east german spymaster responsible for all those exchanges on the golinka bridge.
Mm-hm, well, he was also a big fan of american culture clothes, books, movies, music.
Especially music, especially elvis.
Go on.
Well, they got hold of one of our agents.
So the deal was one million dollars for the east german government and elvis's guitar for dieter.
So where would this dieter von hoffman be now? When the wall came down, he went underground.
Nobody knows where he is.
His codename was da schlong.
- I don't think i even want to know.
- The official translation is the snake.
So what grass would you start beating around in, if you were me? You might find some useful information in the former east german intelligence agency files.
And where would these records be kept? You'll never get in there.
The records are in the basement, a catacomb they converted.
Lovely.
According to my friend at the embassy, they're accessible through the air duct.
Oh this just keeps getting better, doesn't it? That must be it there.
Now, if we can figure out a way to distract the guards for about forty-five seconds.
Honey, distracting people is what i do best.
Last night, i went a walkin' i went walking through the streets of berlin - last hey, herr guard guy.
Hey, this is cool, very cool.
What is this place? You must go away.
This place is off-limits.
What a great looking puppy.
I love dogs.
Ich liebe dogs.
Does he do tricks? - His main trick is to bite your ass off.
- I think i'll just go back to the hotel now.
Good idea.
Excuse me, herr guard, if you could just point me in the direction of the hotel.
I i don't have a clue as to where the hell i am, partner.
I just love a good saur bratten.
Where do you think i could get a good saur bratten? Thank you kindly.
Well, i suppose it would be too much to expect that it would be filed under "v" for von hoffman.
Looks like they're using some germanic version of the dewey decimal system.
Yes.
Possibly based upon which level of responsibility each person attained.
Let's try this way.
There's a second dairy hierarchy of categories based upon i'll just look over here.
Yes.
They're coming from over there.
Let's go this way.
This is a dead end.
Put down the file and step away.
We were lost.
Yes, that's right.
The map is not well marked, i have to say.
We're nowhere near the brandenburg gate, are we? - Put down the file or i will shoot you.
- Okay.
Putting down the file.
Come on.
Let's go.
What are you thinking they're thinking? That they've probably never seen people this anxious to do their laundry before.
We will just hang out here until it is clear.
Give us a chance to study the files.
- You are not washing anything.
- The - you are not washing.
- No, actually, you see, we're just um no wash, no stay.
Goodbye.
We'll put some money in the machine.
- No.
No wash, no stay.
Goodbye.
- We'll wash.
You cannot put just one item into machine.
This is wasteful.
It must be full.
But i usually have them dry-cleaned.
All right, all right.
This is our guy.
And here's a list of dissidents he got out of east germany for a fee.
It looks like he made most of them sign over their private property directly to him.
Any mention of where he is now? No, it's like steve said, there is nothing on him after the fall of the berlin wall.
This is interesting: There's also a mention of a herman essen.
Who's he? Apparently, he was well connected with the wealthy east germans.
- He brokered most of dieter's deals.
- A political-financial matchmaker.
Exactly.
Maybe he could help us find dieter.
How do we find out where he is? Well, it looks like most of the deals involve artwork.
I have more than a few connections at the galleries and museums around berlin.
Honey, you've got more connections than a phone company.
Oh, no.
Oh, how am i gunna get my watch back now? Well, this is the address my guy at the berlin museum gave me.
Apparently, herman has himself quite the art collection.
- Well, is this some kind of party? - I don't think so, hoss.
- Shlong, herman essen was dieter von hoffman.
Sydney, you presented me with an opportunity i had to take advantage of.
I knew that if anyone could find him, it would be you.
I'd like to take a look around.
I'm sorry, sydney, but the house is being cordoned off.
Tomorrow, they will retrieve the body, make the id and then the sweepers are going over the whole place.
All i want is the guitar.
Well, unfortunately, everything they find will be confiscated.
Now, certainly, your man can apply to have the guitar returned.
Yeah, right.
It's out of my hands, syd.
Well, the front door is certainly out of the question.
Yeah.
But not necessarily the back.
Well, this is a house that was owned by the last emperor of germany, don't forget.
Probably been in the royal family for generations.
- Through assassination attempts.
- Peasant revolts.
- Illicit affairs with chambermaids.
- What the hell are you two talking about? A secret passageway.
Usually let out from under the house some place safe up to a quarter of a mile away, sometimes.
How did you know where the exit was? - Experience.
- And knowledge.
And the five tonne truck in the middle of the field.
It seems the snake was going to slither away with his booty before he had his massive heart attack.
Timing's everything, ain't it? Yeah.
Now, these must lead to the manor house.
Let's see what's in here.
Stand back.
Wait.
As much as it's always interesting when you do this if von hoffman had a truck ready to move everything out then it's just possible that he might have already unlocked the door.
Ch'in dynasty, 200 bce king ch'in.
Exquisite.
Van gogh.
It's a van gogh.
Looky-here at this.
Some statue of a guy with a little ding-a-ling.
Damn, another one of those picasso's.
Looks like the home shopping network in here.
Where the hell is the guitar? Ah, george? Your honours, hoss.
The king's guitar.
I don't believe it.
- Neither do i.
- Put my guitar down, please, gently.
Dieter.
You are a troublesome woman.
You're dead.
He was dead.
He wasn't dead? It just looked that way, didn't it, dieter? If i'd had more time, i would have made out the scent of lavender.
- Lavender? Blowfish toxin.
- That's right.
Used by voodoo priests in haiti.
In small amounts, it puts a body into a state of suspended animation for up to 48 hours.
That's how the priest supposedly kill their victims then bring them back as the walking dead.
I guess we've put you off schedule, now haven't we, dieter? Unfortunately, i will now have to load most of this myself.
We be happy to help.
I appreciate the offer, but you're going to be busy dying.
- Bach? - Wagner.
- Well, there must be hundreds of snakes.
- Why did it have to be snakes? Well, at least we cracked the code name.
I'm afraid it will have to be much tighter than that unless you want me to shoot you and do it myself.
Sorry, sydney.
It's one of the largest private collections in the world.
Vipers, adders, corals, rattlesnakes.
Sadly, one of my king cobras died last year.
My condolences.
Any ideas? Not a single one.
Do you have any play at all? None.
The ropes are too tight.
What about you, george? George? George, listen to me you're our only hope.
You're not tied to anyone.
I'm not liking the sound of this right off.
I'm just telling you that, okay? You have to try.
Knock yourself over and fall to the floor.
- I don't think so.
- Snakes are not aggressive.
Do they know that? You have to trust me.
I have a knife in my boot.
Try and land close to me.
You should be able to reach it and cut the leg restraints.
I'll take it from there.
All right.
I have just got to tell you this straight off, i can't do this.
Then we will die, george.
They will run out of food and they will bite us.
Go, hah, get away, you little doggy.
I thought playing for beers and hush puppies was a tough gig.
I've got a whole new respect for your line of work.
The knife is in my right boot.
Come on.
Okay, just one more.
Okay, slowly, no sudden moves.
Let's go.
Dear, oh lord, i do not want to get bitten.
You're doing great, george, don't think about them, just get to the door.
He must have half of all the snakes in germany here.
We're trapped.
B minor.
C major.
Nigel, hurry.
I'm trying.
I can't seem to remember the phrase.
A-flat minor? Nigel, just play everything you know, we don't have a lot of time.
Was it augmented? No.
Wait, a diminished 3rd step aside, or i'll smash it against the wall into a thousand pieces.
How can we trust him? You can't.
Sydney, you presented me with an opportunity.
I had to take advantage of it.
A deal.
Uh-huh? You get the guitar.
It's what you wanted.
I get everything else.
- Okay.
- It is what we wanted, sydney.
Steve.
You know these things belong to the world.
I mean, they belong in a museum.
It's just not right.
Give it up, goodman, we'll find the lights any second.
Oh my god.
Sydney, get me out of here.
Open the door.
Come on, sydney, i can't keep these things back.
Come on get me out of here.
Please.
The power going out must have wiped out the memory.
Come on! Sydney, i can hear you, get me out of here.
There's snakes in here, come on.
I get the point.
You can turn me in.
I'll turn myself in.
They're coming to get me.
Get me out of here.
Sydney, get me out of here.
It is actually not that bad.
I mean, you can still make out the faces a little.
- This is true.
- So can i have the watch back? - No.
- How much will it three hundred.
Cash only.
It's after five.
The banks are closed.
I promise i'll get you the money just as soon as they open.
Just don't sell the watch, okay? I'll be back first thing in the morning.
Right.
See you soon.
So did you get it? Greedy bastard wanted three hundred dollars.
- Did you give it to him? - Well, of course not.
The banks are shut.
- Nigel.
- It's one-of-a-kind, sydney.
English