Sabrina The Teenage Witch Episode Scripts

The Lyin', the Witch and the Wardrobe

Whoa, did you just sigh, or are you sitting on an accordion? - I think I see a gray hair.
- What? Darn, you know, I knew this job would age me.
You know, I am two weeks away from a blue rinse and bunion pads.
The gray hair is on me.
Don't you think of anyone besides yourself? Of course I do.
Right now, I'm thinking of Daniel Bedingfield.
I'm doing the cover story on him for this issue of Scorch magazine.
Do you know what a big responsibility this is? Wow, you've never had a cover before.
Except for that phony Time Magazine one you got at the county fair.
Hey, I learned to ride a two-wheeler.
I totally deserved woman of the year.
- Hey.
- Sorry, I'm in a rush.
The radio station's general manager is in town.
Okay, this time no matter how good the toupee looks, do not ask if it's new.
Hey, I was doing him a favor.
There was a price tag hanging off of it.
Sabrina, will you open my mail for me? I sent my fashion portfolio to LaRue magazine, and I am too nervous to read their response.
Look at these stamps.
I don't think they'd spend three 97 on a rejection letter.
Yes.
Goody, goody, goody.
Unless they're sending back your portfolio.
Baddy, baddy, baddy.
Hey, Morgan, these are really good.
Okay, it says here that they like your stuff, they just want you come back when you've had more experience.
That's why I hate careers.
It was so much easier getting experience with boys.
See you, guys.
Seriously, Morgan, you're gonna find work soon.
I know it.
Thanks.
Okay, I feel better.
It is so great to have roommates who think I'm talented.
- You are.
- And beautiful.
- Absolutely.
- And smart.
Oh, is that a gray hair on Salem? Oh.
What are you so happy about? Well, let's see.
I got here early.
I found a great parking spot.
And the guy at the coffee stand didn't call me, "Peaches.
" So it has nothing to do with you getting the cover story? Oh, are you upset about that? No, of course not.
It's just, you know, doing a cover's a big responsibility.
I should know, I've written too many to count.
Ha, ha.
Nine of the last 13.
Well, I got this cover.
- Sabrina, you lost the cover.
- What? Well, make that ten of, uh, 14.
But I'll let you proof read it, Peaches.
Unh, Annie, Annie, you can't take this story from me.
I already told my cat.
I'm sorry.
I just heard from the designer.
He refuses to dress Daniel Bedingfield.
- Why? - I don't know.
- Maybe he doesn't like the British.
- Who doesn't? You know, sure, they used to have a Navy and attack people all the time.
But now they just make tea and jam and long boring movies.
I'm sorry.
No designer, no cover.
You see, the problem is, Boston's not really known for its designers.
Except for the dude who invented the tri-corner hat.
Wait, wait, what about Morgan Cavenaugh? - Who? - Morgan Cavanaugh, my friend.
Oh, well, in that case, no.
But you haven't even seen her portfolio.
Maybe I shouldn't inhale when I use that hairspray.
I just happen to have Morgan's portfolio right here.
Ha, ha.
I'm telling you, she is hot, hot, hot right now.
I mean, LaRue magazine just contacted her.
It's not bad, but I hate to give the cover to someone I've never heard of.
Come on, you never heard of me.
Well, that's not your best argument.
Annie, I tell you, she's really good.
Hmm, guess I don't have much of a choice.
I'm desperate.
Oh, she's gonna be so happy to hear that.
Well, I might edit it a little.
Salem.
You're dying your hair? I'm just putting in some low-lights.
Oh, I had no idea they made a "Just for Cats.
" I had no idea how many shades of black there were.
I finally went with ultimate goulet.
Hi, Sabrina.
Oh, what is going on with the cat? Oh, that, well, uh, I am not gonna color my hair without practicing first.
Oh, great idea.
Later, I think I'll try my new home bikini waxer on him.
Listen, Morgan, I've got great news.
Oh, you found my briefcase.
Yeah, uh, when I took it to work by mistake, lucky for you, guess what Bedingfield's gonna be wearing on the cover of Scorch magazine? Well, he's British so Oh, Lederhosen.
No, he's wearing Morganwear.
I showed Annie your portfolio and got you the job.
You're kidding? Annie really wants me to style the cover? Wants? She said it herself.
She's desperate.
Oh, my God, Sabrina, thank you so much for doing this for me.
- What's going on? - Roxie, great news.
I am going to be styling Daniel Bedingfield for the cover of Scorch magazine.
Good for you, at least things are going well for you guys.
Oh, they really are, thanks.
Hold it, Morgan.
Roxie, what happened? My station manager isn't happy with my show.
He said he's tired of girl talk.
Whoa, that's awful.
Here I get this great news and then you come in and just bring us down.
Morgan.
Look, it's not the end of the world.
You could just change the format of your show.
You know, instead of girl talk, it could be guy talk.
You know like, uh, "That's a big one, Mark.
" "Yeah, you totally blew that carburetor, Pete.
" I thought people loved my show.
You guys like it, right? Of course we do.
We listen to it every night.
Well, sure, but mostly with the sound turned down so I can hear Conan.
Don't listen to her.
We're huge fans.
What would you have told that woman last night from Framingham? Oh, well, I would have told her to dump that loser.
Her husband just died.
Oh, well, then all the more reason to let go.
There are things you could do with the radio show.
You could do music I want my show to remain a place where women can express themselves.
Then you better get some good-looking guys on your show.
Why don't you go wax the cat? Oh, yes.
I don't know, maybe I should think about doing something else.
No, Roxie, your show is great.
You know, but maybe there's something to that music idea.
You know, maybe you could mix your message with live music.
Live music, that's a great idea.
Thanks, Sabrina.
What was that? The sound of a cat who's gonna look good in a bikini.
Oh, I'm sure Morgan will be here any minute now.
She's in the fashion business, so she's fashionably late.
Ha, ha.
Any minute now.
- I don't like waiting.
Me, neither.
I once dumped a girl for making me wait.
After two hours, I just paid the minister, sent the guests home and took the maid of honor on a honeymoon.
Annie, you know if you need it, you can use, uh, my story as the cover.
Whoa, back in your tree limb, vulture, this one isn't dead yet.
No, seriously, I'm doing that interview with Ozzy Osbourne tomorrow.
The only thing is, I gotta figure out what time, uh o'clock is.
If I know Morgan, she's just taking a few extra seconds to You know, prepare herself for a professional presentation.
Hey, quit your honking, we're not going anywhere.
Hello? You were to be here 20 minutes ago.
Where are you? Duh, shopping.
I wanted to look good for this meeting.
Well, get here now.
I can't go any faster.
Oh, yes, you can.
Whoa, this car goes fast.
Look, I can't wait any longer.
Cole, let's run your story.
Wait, she's here.
Hi.
- Am I late? - Whoa, rad do.
Thanks.
Rad do to you too.
Don't worry, she won't be doing hair.
Okay, I have so many great ideas for this cover.
I want to put Daniel in something that makes a bold statement.
You want something bold? Try showing up on time.
Unh, that is so done.
Okay, I gotta go get started on this article.
You know, this cover is a big break for me too.
If I do well, Annie might stop calling me the temp.
Hey, does Salem look different to you? No, he looks exactly the same.
Maybe he's facing a different way.
What have you done? I figured the dye job wasn't enough to make me look younger, so for 5 bucks they threw in a little collagen.
A little? It looks like you made out with a beehive.
Roxie, if you don't mind, I'm gonna borrow your Daniel Bedingfield CD.
Sure.
You have a minute? I'm working on a song and like to run it by you.
Oh, well, okay.
Boston ladies sing this song Doo-dah, doo-dah We get paid less for the same job - You think this is good? - Well, no, but I think So, what do you think? Oh, it's great.
Roxie, they say that everyone is given a special gift.
If music is yours, I hope you saved the receipt.
Oh, Rox, don't listen to her, uh.
What does she know about music? She thought B flat was a bra size.
So you really like it? Yeah, it's fantastic.
I wish I could listen to the rest, but I gotta go prepare for this interview.
But keep it up.
Healthy people don't eat meat Daniel's only gonna give me a little bit of time.
I have to boil this down to the best 75 questions.
Now, do you think it's possible to be over-prepared? Oh, good one.
Seventy-six.
All right, I figured we would set up with the bakery in the background.
- That cool with you? - I see what you're going for.
Interesting light, kind of a European feel? No.
There's an outlet there.
Hey, is Daniel here yet? Yeah, he's in your office with Morgan.
She's putting together his look.
There is a naked rock star in my office and I'm not there? I hate what I've become.
Oh, Annie, I know that this cover story is an awesome opportunity, I hope it'll inspire you to give me more responsibility Did you hear me? There is a naked rock star in my office.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present Daniel Bedingfield.
- Well, what do you think? - Oh, my gosh, it's awful.
- What do we do? - We do nothing.
You want more responsibility, fire your friend.
- Listen, Morgan.
- Did you see those people? I stunned them.
I totally get what you mean about Annie.
I am too important to give a compliment.
I mean, you think somebody is maybe a little intimidated by something called talent? You know, you're right.
And that's probably why she's insisting on going a different way with the cover.
Really, well, which way does she want me to go? - Uh, that way.
- What? You lost the job, Morgan.
Annie doesn't wanna use your design.
Why not? I mean, that is a great look.
- You liked it, right? - Me? Well, I thought it was great.
I mean, I told Annie she's making a big mistake.
I should go talk to her.
No, no, no.
You know, it's pointless.
Once Annie makes her decision, there's no swaying her.
I mean, she still holds on to her Enron stock.
What about Daniel? I mean, doesn't he have a say in any of this? Freaking crazy chick.
Got me decked out like a showgirl.
Oh, Daniel, where are you going? To find a pub.
I need a pint to wash down these feathers.
Daniel, please wait.
Oh, Morgan Who do you think you are to judge my fashion? Okay, wait, wait, first of all, let's not confuse fashion with poultry, okay? And second, it isn't just me.
Even Sabrina said your outfit stunk.
You said that? You told me you liked it.
Well, I - Oh! - Morgan.
I can't believe you told that to her face.
At least I had the decency to trash her behind her back.
Daniel, I know this is the tenth message I've left you, but your voice mail only gives me I want to do the interview with you and I think you looked cute in the fea Ers, feathers.
Okay, all right, call me back.
My number is on second and third message.
What happened to you? You get stuck in a bicycle chain? Nothing happened.
I'm just being the young, hip cat that I am.
Oh, speaking of which, how is your hip? Uh, I have my good days and my bad days.
Morgan, wait.
I can explain.
Oh, really? I wouldn't know which of your two faces to listen to.
What do you mean? You told me that you liked my design for Daniel Bedingfield and you told Annie that you don't.
You told Roxie you liked her song, and you told me that you didn't.
That makes you two-faced.
So you better face it.
Twice.
I am not two-faced.
Yeah, right.
Salem, are you talking to someone? What are you asking the geezer for? He can't hear anything.
What the? - Howdy.
- What's going on? You're a witch.
You should know about this.
If a witch denies the truth, she's forced to confront it.
What? But, I was just trying to spare Morgan and Roxie's feelings.
That doesn't make me two-faced.
No, I make you two-faced.
Hey, don't make me come back there.
Morgan, open the door.
I really wanna talk to you.
Well, I don't wanna talk to you.
I like your design for Daniel.
I really do.
Please.
That outfit looked like something San Diego Chicken wore to the prom.
Hello? Oh, hi, Daniel.
Oh, don't worry about Morgan.
She's a professional, she completely understands.
Yeah, she's sobbing because the bathroom light is so unflattering.
Uh, thanks for calling.
Um, really.
That's great.
Okay, yeah, I'll meet you back at the office.
I know, I know, five minutes is all it's gonna take.
Oh, thank you, you are the best.
You're the best, oh, if I ever sound that phony, just run backwards into the wall.
- Who's that? Her name's Friskie.
And believe me, she is.
Oh, Salem.
Come on, a trophy kitty? That's right.
And by the way, don't come a-knocking if the trash can's a-rocking.
Gotta go.
Be sure to catch my show.
Oh, what's with the guitar? Well, you came up with that great idea for live music, so I taught myself guitar.
I'm gonna sing my own songs.
Oh, dear God.
Uh, oh, you're gonna sing on the radio? Thanks to you.
You probably saved my show.
You're a true friend.
Uh, Roxie, wait.
Ow.
Hey, no biting.
Daniel, thanks so much for coming back for this interview.
I've got about five minutes.
I'm going to a gig.
- Oh, you're performing tonight? - Not me.
This friend of mine.
He's got a one-man show.
And I've seen him act.
It's gonna be a one-man audience too.
So, what are you gonna say to him? Hmm, the same thing I say every single time I see him act.
"Nigel, you're dreadful.
" - You say that to him? - Yeah, he's my best friend.
What good would I be if I didn't tell him the truth? - Not good at all.
- Hmm, so interview? Actually, instead of the interview, would you sing on my friend's radio show? - I can't - You don't understand.
If you don't, she's gonna sing one of her originals.
And the truth is, as a singer, she's a musical version of your friend Nigel.
- Horrible, huh? - Well, I wouldn't say horrible I would.
- So will you do it? - I just don't know if I have time.
Sure you do.
The radio station is, uh, right upstairs.
- Come on.
- Oh.
Oh, uh, hey, Cole? - Can you still do that cover story? - Really? I have more important things to take care of.
Yeah, sure.
I'll give Ozzy a call.
You know, I can swear that was a bakery.
Oh, and tomorrow it'll be a butcher and then a candlestick maker.
Hey, that's America.
How long has the elevator been there? Oh, save the chitchat for the beauty salon.
Now, move along.
And then she stabbed me in the back.
- You would never lie, would you? - No.
Morgan, I'm really sorry about this but I'm on the air in 30 seconds.
Roxie, babe, you're on in one minute.
You lied to me too.
Morgan, we're all friends.
You, me, Sabrina.
Sabrina is not your friend, my friend.
Not like me.
I told you right up front that your song sucks.
Okay, I know you don't get my song, but Sabrina said she liked it.
And she's in the music business.
I think I can trust her.
- Roxie, don't sing, your song sucks.
- What? I'm sorry, I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but isn't it worse if I lie to you? Not at this point.
We're on the air.
Hey, we got a show to do, all right? If you girls wanna fight, you can do it in my van later.
I appreciate your honesty, but you've ruined my show.
I promised my listeners live music.
They'll get it.
I brought Daniel Bedingfield with me.
Daniel.
Oh, my God.
You brought Daniel Bedingfield.
And he doesn't have a lot of time.
So move.
And now, live from Roxie's show, here's Daniel Bedingfield.
This is a really nice gesture, but we still have something to discuss, like, my song sucks? Roxie, I only said I liked your song because I was trying to be your friend.
But a true friend wouldn't do that.
I want you to be my Nigel.
Okay, who's Nigel? It's a long British story, the point is, if we're gonna be friends, then we always have to be honest with each other, right? Right? I guess you're right.
And, Morgan, I owe you an apology too.
Yes, you do.
There was nothing wrong with Daniel's outfit.
It just takes a certain kind of person to pull off feathers.
Yeah, a chicken plucker.
Look, Morgan, I'm sorry.
I think you're a great designer, but I should have been upfront with you.
Daniel's outfit was awful.
Whew, you know, it feels good to be honest.
Well, as long as we're being honest, you know that carrot cake you made last week, that Roxie and I were raving about? Stinko.
Great, good.
And your pecan sandies? They taste like you actually make them with sand.
- Okay.
Glad you told me.
- I see what you're saying.
In the long run, being honest is gonna make our friendship stronger.
And, Sabrina, sometimes you go a little heavy on the eyeliner.
Oh, and that blue shirt with the silver Okay, enough.
Friends don't let friends get too friendly.
Hey.
Where's Friskie? Uh, she was just using me.
Typical gold digger.
She wanted a Tiffany collar.
She would only eat out of the best bowls.
You know, with that age difference, it's a matter of time before you're sleeping on separate windowsills, each in your own ray of sunlight.
Hey, I don't need a little sex kitten around to make me feel young.
Good for you.
You wanna watch some TV? What, are you crazy? It's 8:30.
I'm going to bed.
Night, pops.