Samurai Jack s03e03 Episode Script
The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful
Long ago in a distant land l, Aku, the shape-shifting master of darkness unleashed an unspeakable evil.
But a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me.
Before the final blow was struck l tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future where my evil is law.
Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is Aku.
Gotta get back Back to the past Samurai Jack Watch out Gotta get back, back to the past - Samurai Jack - Jack Jack, Jack, Jack Gotta get back, back to the past Samurai Jack Watch out! Gotta get back, back to the past Samurai Jack Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack Gotta get back Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack Watch--watch out! Gotta get back Jack, Jack, Jack Samurai Jack Watch out! l thought l told you bums to stay out of here.
Unless you want some more, eh? Are you the proprietor of this establishment? That would be me.
- l am Sam-- - l know who you are.
A man could get rich selling your skin, boy.
Perhaps you can get rich selling something to me instead.
Sell you what, exactly? lnformation.
Hey, how much money you say you had there, my friend? Heh heh heh! A pleasure doing business with you.
Huh? Wait! l know why you're here.
You seek the samurai, yes? You aim to collect the bounty on him, eh? l would like to help you, Senor Clench but he has already left.
He took the train to Cordova.
Y-You still might catch him if you hurry.
Hey, look, we're closed, all right? 'Cause l just had a really tough day? l'm sorry.
Were you closin'? No, no.
Come on in.
Sit down.
Uh, what can l get you? l'd love an ice-cold ginger ale if you've got one.
Actually, l'm very curious about the conversation you had with that big, tall gentleman that just left.
Oh.
l guess you like them big, tall types, eh? Well, l ought to.
l used to be married to one.
Stand clear! Yes.
ln fact, it's boarding right now.
Halt! Tickets.
Tickets, please.
Tickets.
Here you are.
Drive.
Your tea, sir.
Your tea, sir.
Ahem.
Thank you.
Josephine? What in tarnation are you doin' here? Well, it's nice to see you, too, Ezekiel.
Aw, shoot.
There ain't never been nothin' nice about you, woman.
Now, now let's not get nasty, darlin'.
Don't call me ''darlin'.
'' Well, then don't act like a fool! l know what you're up to.
You're after the bounty on that samurai.
What business is it of yours? l want in! Pshh! No.
You need me.
He's better than you! Ain't nobody better than me, woman.
You ought to know that.
Besides, the court says you ain't even supposed to come within 150 feet of me so back off! Looking for a seat? Yep.
Yours.
l'm gonna make a lot of money cashin' in on your hide.
l hear that often, but only from poor men.
Hmm.
Well, l got bills to pay and l done already addressed the envelopes.
l hope you have yet to stamp the postage on your parcels for you-- Consider 'em stamped.
Oh! My chickens! Oh! Yowch! Argh! Aww.
Huh? Grrr Heh heh heh! Just like my pa used to say on a cold mornin'-- Let's get to work, boy 'cause the heat's in the tools.
Aw, see, now, you know how l like it-- just the way l showed you.
Aaaah! Huh? Heh heh heh.
Huh? Whoa! Whoa! Unh! Whoa! Galdang durn it! Hey Excuse me.
May l? Yes.
Of course.
Nice day, isn't it? Yes.
A bit hot, though.
Uh, yes, it is.
Do you know where the best seat in the house is? No.
Where? On the roof.
Really? Sure.
lt's got plenty of fresh air and it's very private.
Well l think l'm gonna go up on the roof.
Yes.
OK.
lt was nice speaking to you, ma'am.
You're not just gonna let a lady go up on the roof unescorted, are you? Of course not.
lsn't it beautiful? Yes, it is.
l wanted to thank you for saving us all from that awful, terrible, ugly old bandit earlier.
You were so brave.
Thank you.
Ooh! And so strong, too.
Y'all look so cute up here on the veranda l figured l'd fix you up some lemonade-- fresh-squeezed.
Heh heh heh! Ooh! Stand back, ma'am.
Once again this bandit has reared his ugly head.
Unh! Well, l guess love is blind 'cause that ugly head didn't keep me from marrying him.
Who you callin' ugly? Ooh! Unh! Grrr Looks like we'll have to stick this here jackrabbit like we did that old boy back in Kansas City.
Yes, darlin'.
l see your point.
Unh! Ha! We ain't the most notorious man-catchers for nothin', you know.
Oh! Ooh! Uhh! He's gettin' away! Don't worry, woman.
l'm on it.
Don't let him get to his sword, you idiot! A woman's work is never done.
Dagnabbit! Can't you shoot straight? Don't get uppity, woman.
l don't see you makin' no daylight in his broadside.
He went over the side! Come on.
We got him now.
Get on up here where's l can shoot you you little chipmunk.
Hmm.
Consarnit, l can't get a bead on him.
Hey, Quick Straw, l think someone is breaking out the fights on the train.
Now, hold on there, Baba Louis.
Ain't nobody gonna do no kind of fightin' on this here train, on account of you and me-- Hey! Who turned out the lights? ls it sleepy-time already? Unh! Huh? Hey, fool! Don't shoot up the engine! Elsewise, we'll be stuck out here in the desert! Huh? Oh, yeah.
Good morning.
You're just in time.
l was fixin' to make me some flapjacks! Huh? The South shall rise again! Well, now, ain't that a purty little package tied up with a bow? Yup.
Hogtied, just like that pig we caught back in Gower Gulch.
Ha! Yes, sirree.
There ain't a polecat around who can slip through the grip of the Clenches.
l reckon we're just a pair of aces, ain't we? Yup.
Just like old times, Josie.
Just like old times.
You know, Zeke all this excitement has got me to wonderin'.
Why'd we ever split up? Workin' together again stirs up all them good old feelings.
Well, Josie you know l was always powerful sweet on you, but-- Aw, but nothin', Zeke.
l loved watchin' the way you handled that cagey old samurai.
You're just so brave and so strong.
You make a girl feel all aflutter.
Don't you see, Zeke? lt's just like Kansas City all over again.
And what with this huge bounty we're about to collect l could end up twice as rich! Ha ha ha ha ha! Dagburnit, Josie! You consarn, framalandin', flamdanglin' snake-in-sheep's-wool- over-my-eyes trick-up-her-sleeve whoo-hoo witchy woman! Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh! Aah! Uh, Zeke? Sugarplum? Maybe l was a mite hasty.
Court says 150 feet, woman.
Watch out! Gotta get back, back to the past Samurai Jack Watch out Gotta get back, back to the past Samurai Jack Watch out Gotta get back, back to the past - Samurai Jack - Jack Jack, Jack, Jack Gotta get back, back to the past Samurai Jack Watch out! Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack Watch out! Gotta get back Samurai Jack Watch--watch out
But a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me.
Before the final blow was struck l tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future where my evil is law.
Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is Aku.
Gotta get back Back to the past Samurai Jack Watch out Gotta get back, back to the past - Samurai Jack - Jack Jack, Jack, Jack Gotta get back, back to the past Samurai Jack Watch out! Gotta get back, back to the past Samurai Jack Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack Gotta get back Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack Watch--watch out! Gotta get back Jack, Jack, Jack Samurai Jack Watch out! l thought l told you bums to stay out of here.
Unless you want some more, eh? Are you the proprietor of this establishment? That would be me.
- l am Sam-- - l know who you are.
A man could get rich selling your skin, boy.
Perhaps you can get rich selling something to me instead.
Sell you what, exactly? lnformation.
Hey, how much money you say you had there, my friend? Heh heh heh! A pleasure doing business with you.
Huh? Wait! l know why you're here.
You seek the samurai, yes? You aim to collect the bounty on him, eh? l would like to help you, Senor Clench but he has already left.
He took the train to Cordova.
Y-You still might catch him if you hurry.
Hey, look, we're closed, all right? 'Cause l just had a really tough day? l'm sorry.
Were you closin'? No, no.
Come on in.
Sit down.
Uh, what can l get you? l'd love an ice-cold ginger ale if you've got one.
Actually, l'm very curious about the conversation you had with that big, tall gentleman that just left.
Oh.
l guess you like them big, tall types, eh? Well, l ought to.
l used to be married to one.
Stand clear! Yes.
ln fact, it's boarding right now.
Halt! Tickets.
Tickets, please.
Tickets.
Here you are.
Drive.
Your tea, sir.
Your tea, sir.
Ahem.
Thank you.
Josephine? What in tarnation are you doin' here? Well, it's nice to see you, too, Ezekiel.
Aw, shoot.
There ain't never been nothin' nice about you, woman.
Now, now let's not get nasty, darlin'.
Don't call me ''darlin'.
'' Well, then don't act like a fool! l know what you're up to.
You're after the bounty on that samurai.
What business is it of yours? l want in! Pshh! No.
You need me.
He's better than you! Ain't nobody better than me, woman.
You ought to know that.
Besides, the court says you ain't even supposed to come within 150 feet of me so back off! Looking for a seat? Yep.
Yours.
l'm gonna make a lot of money cashin' in on your hide.
l hear that often, but only from poor men.
Hmm.
Well, l got bills to pay and l done already addressed the envelopes.
l hope you have yet to stamp the postage on your parcels for you-- Consider 'em stamped.
Oh! My chickens! Oh! Yowch! Argh! Aww.
Huh? Grrr Heh heh heh! Just like my pa used to say on a cold mornin'-- Let's get to work, boy 'cause the heat's in the tools.
Aw, see, now, you know how l like it-- just the way l showed you.
Aaaah! Huh? Heh heh heh.
Huh? Whoa! Whoa! Unh! Whoa! Galdang durn it! Hey Excuse me.
May l? Yes.
Of course.
Nice day, isn't it? Yes.
A bit hot, though.
Uh, yes, it is.
Do you know where the best seat in the house is? No.
Where? On the roof.
Really? Sure.
lt's got plenty of fresh air and it's very private.
Well l think l'm gonna go up on the roof.
Yes.
OK.
lt was nice speaking to you, ma'am.
You're not just gonna let a lady go up on the roof unescorted, are you? Of course not.
lsn't it beautiful? Yes, it is.
l wanted to thank you for saving us all from that awful, terrible, ugly old bandit earlier.
You were so brave.
Thank you.
Ooh! And so strong, too.
Y'all look so cute up here on the veranda l figured l'd fix you up some lemonade-- fresh-squeezed.
Heh heh heh! Ooh! Stand back, ma'am.
Once again this bandit has reared his ugly head.
Unh! Well, l guess love is blind 'cause that ugly head didn't keep me from marrying him.
Who you callin' ugly? Ooh! Unh! Grrr Looks like we'll have to stick this here jackrabbit like we did that old boy back in Kansas City.
Yes, darlin'.
l see your point.
Unh! Ha! We ain't the most notorious man-catchers for nothin', you know.
Oh! Ooh! Uhh! He's gettin' away! Don't worry, woman.
l'm on it.
Don't let him get to his sword, you idiot! A woman's work is never done.
Dagnabbit! Can't you shoot straight? Don't get uppity, woman.
l don't see you makin' no daylight in his broadside.
He went over the side! Come on.
We got him now.
Get on up here where's l can shoot you you little chipmunk.
Hmm.
Consarnit, l can't get a bead on him.
Hey, Quick Straw, l think someone is breaking out the fights on the train.
Now, hold on there, Baba Louis.
Ain't nobody gonna do no kind of fightin' on this here train, on account of you and me-- Hey! Who turned out the lights? ls it sleepy-time already? Unh! Huh? Hey, fool! Don't shoot up the engine! Elsewise, we'll be stuck out here in the desert! Huh? Oh, yeah.
Good morning.
You're just in time.
l was fixin' to make me some flapjacks! Huh? The South shall rise again! Well, now, ain't that a purty little package tied up with a bow? Yup.
Hogtied, just like that pig we caught back in Gower Gulch.
Ha! Yes, sirree.
There ain't a polecat around who can slip through the grip of the Clenches.
l reckon we're just a pair of aces, ain't we? Yup.
Just like old times, Josie.
Just like old times.
You know, Zeke all this excitement has got me to wonderin'.
Why'd we ever split up? Workin' together again stirs up all them good old feelings.
Well, Josie you know l was always powerful sweet on you, but-- Aw, but nothin', Zeke.
l loved watchin' the way you handled that cagey old samurai.
You're just so brave and so strong.
You make a girl feel all aflutter.
Don't you see, Zeke? lt's just like Kansas City all over again.
And what with this huge bounty we're about to collect l could end up twice as rich! Ha ha ha ha ha! Dagburnit, Josie! You consarn, framalandin', flamdanglin' snake-in-sheep's-wool- over-my-eyes trick-up-her-sleeve whoo-hoo witchy woman! Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh! Aah! Uh, Zeke? Sugarplum? Maybe l was a mite hasty.
Court says 150 feet, woman.
Watch out! Gotta get back, back to the past Samurai Jack Watch out Gotta get back, back to the past Samurai Jack Watch out Gotta get back, back to the past - Samurai Jack - Jack Jack, Jack, Jack Gotta get back, back to the past Samurai Jack Watch out! Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack Watch out! Gotta get back Samurai Jack Watch--watch out