Sanjay and Craig (2013) s03e04 Episode Script
Guitar Zeroes - Hearty Face
1 - Looking for a pet one day Sanjay found a talking snake And the perfect match was made Jumped into his arms to say Sanjay and Craig - The stuff they get to is insane Sanjay and Craig - They're in the Best Friends Hall of Fame Sanjay and Craig - There is no Best Friends Hall of Fame They made it up! - Aww yes! - It don't matter much to me What you say - I'm just gonna do what I want Anyway - One more word, I'm gonna break Mom's away Mom's away - Mom's away.
Mom's away - Mom's away - Keep up, dude.
- We can never play as fast as this K.
O.
R.
- Who even is that? - Yo! - Killer licks, poop bags.
- Meh.
- Thanks.
- It's too bad you don't play for reals, though.
We needs an opener for our show tonight at The Punk Pit.
- Of course we play for reals.
- Can you even believe these jokers, Sanjay? We're totally in a band.
Totally don't ask any more questions.
- Aww, that's great.
But if you mess this up, I'm gonna take your little heads and do this to them - Ooh.
Show starts at 8:00.
See you tonight.
- Dude! Why did you tell them we could play? - This is the opportunity of a lifetime.
Playing real guitars can't be that different.
- Yeah, yeah.
Let's go get us some guitars.
Whoa! Cool! - Dude, dude, dude, check this one out.
- Whoa! What do these even do? Whammy bar! Whammy bar! The Paul Anderson special.
It's beautiful! - Get it! Get it! Get it! Get it! Get it! We'll take these ones, please.
Whoa.
Flamboyant decisions.
Very flamboyant.
Okay, that'll be $5,357, man.
Okay.
Uh, Sanjay? - I didn't know they'd be this expensive.
How much you got? - 50 bucks.
- I think I got something for you low-rent bottom-feeders.
They're perfect.
- Electric guitar! Dude, look.
K.
O.
R.
! - You guys are K.
O.
R.
fans too.
Aww, man.
I was there, dudes.
His last show back in 1989, stadium was packed to the nosebleeds.
We all waited for him to take the stage, but he never showed.
People say that it was The Beast that got him.
- What do you mean "The Beast"? - You know, mystical creatures, something.
- Uh, that doesn't even sound real.
Whatever.
Anyway, rock on, little dudes.
- Yeah! Let's rock! - OMG, you looked so cool when you just said that right now.
- Okay, okay, okay.
Hector, record us with your phone.
- Oh, yeah.
- That's a cheese grater.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah, that's the one.
- Hello, Lundgren! This one's called "Fart on a Butt.
" - Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Fart on a butt - Yeah, fart on a butt - Fart on a butt - Fart on a butt Fart on a butt, butt, fart on a butt - Ah! - Whoa.
Oh, that was bad.
- Dude, I know.
- We better learn this fast if we're going to play tonight at The Punk Pit.
- My cousin said, if you stink there, they throw you to the wolves.
- What does that even mean, Hector? - They feed you to wolves.
Am I being unclear here? - Ugh, I don't get it.
At the Frycade, we're almost as good as K.
O.
R.
- That's it.
K.
O.
R.
can teach us.
We just gotta find him.
- The Frycade! Someone there will know.
Everyone is at the Frycade always! Whoo! - We want answers! - We're closed.
So there I was, waist-deep in human hair.
- Penny, we want answers.
- We want to know who K.
O.
R.
is.
- Who? - He's got the high score on "Guitar Conqueror.
" You must have seen him play.
- Uh, Penny, is it getting hot in here? - Oh, Chuck, I didn't know you had a tattoo.
- What? No, it's a birthmark.
Yeah.
- Let me see.
- No.
Ow! Hey, stop it.
Oh.
- Stone cold K.
O.
R.
? - Shh, shh! - I thought you were a loser.
- Yeah.
Like, you have nothing in your life worth living for.
And now this? - Oh, it wasn't always that way.
- Chuck, please, you have to teach us how to play guitar.
- Boys, those days are behind me.
I haven't played guitar in years.
- We're opening for The Dicksons tonight.
- Oh! You guys are in trouble.
Please? - Oh, all right.
But you can't tell anybody.
I can't let The Beast find me.
- Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever.
- Okay, if you want to rock, the first thing you gotta do is pledge to K.
O.
R.
- What does that even stand for? - Keep on rockin'.
Whether the fans are cheering or booing, you gotta play every gig like it's your last.
- You got it.
K.
O.
R.
Let's do this.
- Hey, hey, hey, keep it down.
It might hear us.
- What might hear us? - The Beast.
It'll come back for me if I if I - Look, Chuck, we just want to learn guitar.
- Well, uh, only a fool plays guitar without doing the finger stretches first.
Feel the burn.
- Okay.
Let's rock! - No, wait.
What about your strap adjustment? - We're cool.
- Tuning? - Mi mi mi mi mi It's tuned, it's tuned.
- Fancy costumes, yeah.
- Oh, come on, Chuck.
Our gig is in an hour, and you haven't shown us one chord.
- Okay, okay.
Let me just warm up.
Oh! Hey.
Oh! Ooh! - Whoa.
- Aah! The Beast! - What do you mean, "The Beast"? Keep playing! Okay.
Uh I can't do this! - What was that all about? - Chuck was our last hope.
- Now we're gonna screw up The Dicksons' show.
- And make us cry like babies.
- Aw, it's okay.
It's gonna be okay.
- This place looks packed.
- These guys are gonna eat us alive.
- Huggle Bunny, oh, you're going down.
- Yeah! - Yeah, man! - There's actually a wolf.
- Hey, guys.
I'm here to support you.
- Hector, get away from that wolf.
Get! Get away.
- There's no way we're gonna survive this.
- Psst.
- Huh? - Psst.
Look around the back.
Chuck! - We thought you left.
- I made a pledge to keep on rockin', and that's what I'm gonna do.
- But we still can't play.
- Don't worry.
I'll shred in here, and you guys can pretend onstage.
- Just like "Guitar Conqueror.
" - What about the whole Beast thing? - It won't be able to see me as long as I stay in here.
- Ladies and worms, making their Punk Pit de-butt, please welcome Slam-Jet and Kroog.
- Cool name! - This one is called, um - "Keep On Rockin'.
" - Ha! - Yeah.
- Slow down, Chuck! - Hey, they're not playing their guitars.
- I can't keep up! - Ah! - Oh.
Oh! - K.
O.
R.
's back.
K.
O.
R.
's back! K.
O.
R.
's back! - Oh, no, no, The Beast! - Chuck, what? - The Beast.
- K.
O.
R.
! - Yeah, K.
O.
R.
! - I love you, man! - What? The Beast is your fans? - Fans are good.
- K.
O.
R.
, I love you so much! - Marry me! Marry me! - Boys, you've taught me a lot this past day.
It's time for me to face my fears, right? Accept The Beast? Let it in? - No, dude, run! - Yeah, I was also thinking that.
- Boys, you've taught me a lot this past day.
Like how I need these back 'cause they're onstage from K.
O.
R.
K.
O.
R.
! - Okay.
I think we should sneak out now.
- Oh, yeah, The Dicksons.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're gonna kill us.
- How'd it go? - Uh, punk.
Really punk.
- Sick.
- Huh, I can't even hear the crowd.
- Uh, they're just quiet? With anticipation? - Cool.
Come on, guys, let's jam.
- Really.
I don't hear anything.
- But, uh - Yeah, we're done here, Sanjay.
Let's just make a tree and g-go.
We just go.
We're gone.
- Yeah, snot rags, are you ready to wha? Wha - Told you.
- Whew! I think we should just stick to these for a while.
- Yeah, you know what? I'm okay being second best.
- Well, we can still see about that.
- Do you want next, Chuck? - Only if you boys will hold the door.
- I love you, K.
O.
R.
- You ruined our show, you dweebs! - Keep on rockin'.
Back off, I'm trying to wrap up this episode.
Keep on rockin'.
Mom's away - Mom's away - Keep up, dude.
- We can never play as fast as this K.
O.
R.
- Who even is that? - Yo! - Killer licks, poop bags.
- Meh.
- Thanks.
- It's too bad you don't play for reals, though.
We needs an opener for our show tonight at The Punk Pit.
- Of course we play for reals.
- Can you even believe these jokers, Sanjay? We're totally in a band.
Totally don't ask any more questions.
- Aww, that's great.
But if you mess this up, I'm gonna take your little heads and do this to them - Ooh.
Show starts at 8:00.
See you tonight.
- Dude! Why did you tell them we could play? - This is the opportunity of a lifetime.
Playing real guitars can't be that different.
- Yeah, yeah.
Let's go get us some guitars.
Whoa! Cool! - Dude, dude, dude, check this one out.
- Whoa! What do these even do? Whammy bar! Whammy bar! The Paul Anderson special.
It's beautiful! - Get it! Get it! Get it! Get it! Get it! We'll take these ones, please.
Whoa.
Flamboyant decisions.
Very flamboyant.
Okay, that'll be $5,357, man.
Okay.
Uh, Sanjay? - I didn't know they'd be this expensive.
How much you got? - 50 bucks.
- I think I got something for you low-rent bottom-feeders.
They're perfect.
- Electric guitar! Dude, look.
K.
O.
R.
! - You guys are K.
O.
R.
fans too.
Aww, man.
I was there, dudes.
His last show back in 1989, stadium was packed to the nosebleeds.
We all waited for him to take the stage, but he never showed.
People say that it was The Beast that got him.
- What do you mean "The Beast"? - You know, mystical creatures, something.
- Uh, that doesn't even sound real.
Whatever.
Anyway, rock on, little dudes.
- Yeah! Let's rock! - OMG, you looked so cool when you just said that right now.
- Okay, okay, okay.
Hector, record us with your phone.
- Oh, yeah.
- That's a cheese grater.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah, that's the one.
- Hello, Lundgren! This one's called "Fart on a Butt.
" - Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Fart on a butt - Yeah, fart on a butt - Fart on a butt - Fart on a butt Fart on a butt, butt, fart on a butt - Ah! - Whoa.
Oh, that was bad.
- Dude, I know.
- We better learn this fast if we're going to play tonight at The Punk Pit.
- My cousin said, if you stink there, they throw you to the wolves.
- What does that even mean, Hector? - They feed you to wolves.
Am I being unclear here? - Ugh, I don't get it.
At the Frycade, we're almost as good as K.
O.
R.
- That's it.
K.
O.
R.
can teach us.
We just gotta find him.
- The Frycade! Someone there will know.
Everyone is at the Frycade always! Whoo! - We want answers! - We're closed.
So there I was, waist-deep in human hair.
- Penny, we want answers.
- We want to know who K.
O.
R.
is.
- Who? - He's got the high score on "Guitar Conqueror.
" You must have seen him play.
- Uh, Penny, is it getting hot in here? - Oh, Chuck, I didn't know you had a tattoo.
- What? No, it's a birthmark.
Yeah.
- Let me see.
- No.
Ow! Hey, stop it.
Oh.
- Stone cold K.
O.
R.
? - Shh, shh! - I thought you were a loser.
- Yeah.
Like, you have nothing in your life worth living for.
And now this? - Oh, it wasn't always that way.
- Chuck, please, you have to teach us how to play guitar.
- Boys, those days are behind me.
I haven't played guitar in years.
- We're opening for The Dicksons tonight.
- Oh! You guys are in trouble.
Please? - Oh, all right.
But you can't tell anybody.
I can't let The Beast find me.
- Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever.
- Okay, if you want to rock, the first thing you gotta do is pledge to K.
O.
R.
- What does that even stand for? - Keep on rockin'.
Whether the fans are cheering or booing, you gotta play every gig like it's your last.
- You got it.
K.
O.
R.
Let's do this.
- Hey, hey, hey, keep it down.
It might hear us.
- What might hear us? - The Beast.
It'll come back for me if I if I - Look, Chuck, we just want to learn guitar.
- Well, uh, only a fool plays guitar without doing the finger stretches first.
Feel the burn.
- Okay.
Let's rock! - No, wait.
What about your strap adjustment? - We're cool.
- Tuning? - Mi mi mi mi mi It's tuned, it's tuned.
- Fancy costumes, yeah.
- Oh, come on, Chuck.
Our gig is in an hour, and you haven't shown us one chord.
- Okay, okay.
Let me just warm up.
Oh! Hey.
Oh! Ooh! - Whoa.
- Aah! The Beast! - What do you mean, "The Beast"? Keep playing! Okay.
Uh I can't do this! - What was that all about? - Chuck was our last hope.
- Now we're gonna screw up The Dicksons' show.
- And make us cry like babies.
- Aw, it's okay.
It's gonna be okay.
- This place looks packed.
- These guys are gonna eat us alive.
- Huggle Bunny, oh, you're going down.
- Yeah! - Yeah, man! - There's actually a wolf.
- Hey, guys.
I'm here to support you.
- Hector, get away from that wolf.
Get! Get away.
- There's no way we're gonna survive this.
- Psst.
- Huh? - Psst.
Look around the back.
Chuck! - We thought you left.
- I made a pledge to keep on rockin', and that's what I'm gonna do.
- But we still can't play.
- Don't worry.
I'll shred in here, and you guys can pretend onstage.
- Just like "Guitar Conqueror.
" - What about the whole Beast thing? - It won't be able to see me as long as I stay in here.
- Ladies and worms, making their Punk Pit de-butt, please welcome Slam-Jet and Kroog.
- Cool name! - This one is called, um - "Keep On Rockin'.
" - Ha! - Yeah.
- Slow down, Chuck! - Hey, they're not playing their guitars.
- I can't keep up! - Ah! - Oh.
Oh! - K.
O.
R.
's back.
K.
O.
R.
's back! K.
O.
R.
's back! - Oh, no, no, The Beast! - Chuck, what? - The Beast.
- K.
O.
R.
! - Yeah, K.
O.
R.
! - I love you, man! - What? The Beast is your fans? - Fans are good.
- K.
O.
R.
, I love you so much! - Marry me! Marry me! - Boys, you've taught me a lot this past day.
It's time for me to face my fears, right? Accept The Beast? Let it in? - No, dude, run! - Yeah, I was also thinking that.
- Boys, you've taught me a lot this past day.
Like how I need these back 'cause they're onstage from K.
O.
R.
K.
O.
R.
! - Okay.
I think we should sneak out now.
- Oh, yeah, The Dicksons.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're gonna kill us.
- How'd it go? - Uh, punk.
Really punk.
- Sick.
- Huh, I can't even hear the crowd.
- Uh, they're just quiet? With anticipation? - Cool.
Come on, guys, let's jam.
- Really.
I don't hear anything.
- But, uh - Yeah, we're done here, Sanjay.
Let's just make a tree and g-go.
We just go.
We're gone.
- Yeah, snot rags, are you ready to wha? Wha - Told you.
- Whew! I think we should just stick to these for a while.
- Yeah, you know what? I'm okay being second best.
- Well, we can still see about that.
- Do you want next, Chuck? - Only if you boys will hold the door.
- I love you, K.
O.
R.
- You ruined our show, you dweebs! - Keep on rockin'.
Back off, I'm trying to wrap up this episode.
Keep on rockin'.