Scrubs s03e06 Episode Script

It's nice when Carla's family comes to town, because she cleans our apartment.
A pancake in the silverware drawer? Why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Those nuts are for my brother.
Please don't eat them all.
Why you making a big deal about your brother coming? My baby brother, I practically raised him.
Get along with him this time.
If you do, I promise to fulfil your fantasy.
But not with the weird outfit or those toys.
- So normal sex? - If I'm not sleeping.
Deal.
What's up? Something happen at her mother's funeral? This is a rental and I got the mileage up here.
No joy-riding, comprende? Turk.
This is my brother, Marco.
Sorry for your loss.
I mean, who wears a vest to a funeral anyway? The amazing thing wasn't that Carla's brother hated Turk.
It's that he could keep it up without speaking the same language.
Dude, you were wearing a vest.
Vesto.
I had my own problems.
Elliot had a boyfriend, but I was still crazy about her and she wasn't making it any easier.
- What are you doing? - All the beds are taken.
Scoot.
Bunk with the Todd.
JD, you know that he is a sleep-humper.
Sometimes when I'm banging this mattress, I'm thinking about that one.
Hello? Sean? Where are you? The west coast of New Zealand? I'm in the on-call room.
- JD's here.
Say "hi".
- Hey, Sean.
Oh, you wanted to keep talking? How can you get over someone when you're around them all the time? This night could not get any worse.
Todd.
You're having a dream.
Wake up.
Dude.
I am awake.
I'm worried about our giant nanny.
When the fridge is empty, she looks at our son like a plate of ribs.
Should have hired the skinny model.
If she ate Jack, she'd throw up right after.
I got board meetings all day.
See you for dinner.
- Doug! - I don't wanna be a doctor! Fine.
I'll tell you how it ends.
Dr Phil says, "And how is that working out for you?" Then the big fat lady cries.
All right.
I'm sure you're wondering why I'm residency director considering my disdain for well all of you.
Is it the extra $4 a week in my paycheque, or is it that I have a chance to make a difference in this godforsaken hellhole.
It's all about the $4, trust me.
And seeing as my money is contingent on you lemmings doing your jobs, I'd say now is a pretty good time for you to scurry on back to work so that I can afford the anti-depressants that keep me so jolly.
Go! Say, Angela.
I think he means me, Angela.
I wonder what I did now.
This new gig is a great opportunity for me and I want it to go well.
For some reason, these bobble-heads look up to you, so it would make my life one hell of a lot easier if you got in line behind me.
No problem.
I guess people can surprise you.
- We'd still die.
- We'd still what? If the elevator cable snapped, even if we jumped before impact, we'd be crushed to death.
- I wish I'd taken the stairs.
- Me too.
Sorry, sometimes I have this inner monologue in my head.
Inner monologue? Weirdo! This is my floor.
Lucky bastard.
- What did I miss? - It's come to my attention It came to his attention.
family of critically ill patients complained because of the small amount of time you spend with their loved ones.
In Dr Murphy's case, that's a good thing.
Sir, if I could take this chance to explain my high mortality rate? I'll do that.
You're a bad doctor.
Complaints are a stone's throw away from lawsuits.
So from this point on, I don't care how bleak a patient's prognosis is, you'll give each and every one the same amount of your time.
Unfortunately, our residency director felt differently.
Dead.
Dead.
Dead, dead, and Oh, my goodness, if we don't have somebody here we might be able to help.
Miss Barto is 36, septic and in respiratory failure.
Dr Weiss, draw up three sets of surveillance cultures.
- Mr Murphy - Dr Murphy? Just go ahead and get a stat ABG.
We're going to try to wean her off of the vent today, so I want all of you to give her most of your attention.
I say we listen to Dr Cox and do exactly what he says.
That's unbelievable.
But earlier, Dr Kelso was telling us that I don't want to hear anything out of that man's mouth, unless it's: "My God.
I'm dying.
" "I'm moving towards the light.
Wait, there's been a mistake.
" "This is hell.
Hello, Hitler.
Hello, Mussolini.
" "Captain Kangaroo.
That's weird.
" Barbie, I would rather listen to you go on and on about the joys of dolphin sex.
Dolphin trainer sex.
My boyfriend is a trainer.
That's a shame.
The whole dolphin thing used to make you so interesting.
Too bad.
We are moving on.
- You heard, people, we're moving on.
- God help me.
God help him.
My God, is there a sexier woman in the world? I gotta go.
My chin hair is back.
I wish she'd cut it off and give it to me.
Oh, God.
I don't mind sitting alone at movies.
But eating alone is sad and pathetic.
- Are you stalking me? - No.
My sister had a baby.
I'm doing the aunt thing.
Plus it's an excuse to run away from a relationship.
My boyfriend just dumped me, so now I love him more than ever.
Any chance of you getting back together? He's engaged to be married in two weeks.
But yeah, I think so.
- Unrequited love sucks, you know? - Yeah, it does.
Know what we need to do? - Danni.
- JD.
Hi.
We need to move on, OK? No waiting for our exes by the phone, no stealing her purse to return it and hope she's so grateful, she'll buy you a drink and maybe have sex after.
- Did that work? - I stole the wrong purse.
And yes.
Why don't you play the game with Marco? I hate Pac-Man.
Really? You have bed sheets that indicate otherwise.
Fine.
Ask him.
Did somebody say cheese? If you're gonna make a cheese-run, holla at me.
Baby, when we left the Dominican Republic, Marco never wanted to learn English.
He went to school in Puerto Rico.
Imagine what it's like to feel like an outsider because you're proud of your heritage.
Did you say something about cheese? Miss Barto's systemic vascular resistance is falling, so the next couple of hours are going to be crucial.
The fact that these residents are spending their time with that patient makes me think you told them to disobey a direct order from me.
Bob Kelso, that's not true.
I told them to disregard all direct orders from you.
I know you all think of me as some heartless monster.
Still, if you grandmother were here, wouldn't you want her doctor to spend as much time with her as anyone? Grandma Dorian or Nana Hobbs? Nana Hobbs can be an eensy bit racist.
- Grandma Dorian.
- She's dead.
Sometimes what's best for this hospital is what's best for the patients.
I know it, you know it and Dr Cox knows it too.
Though he disagrees with me just because I said it.
Sir, I don't think that's true.
- It's hotter than hell in here.
- Freezing.
- Great coffee.
- Rat piss.
Dr Murphy is an incompetent suck-up.
He's one of the finest young doctors I've ever worked with.
Your witness.
- What are you doing? - I'm calling my dad.
- Hey, how are you? - Good.
- So I did it.
I talked to my ex.
- And? I said, "Congratulations, I hope you two stay happy, and size does matter.
" See? That's what happens when you cut the cord.
You'll be ready for someone new to come along.
You wanna grab a cup of coffee? I can't, I got something really important to do.
Thanks, JD, I'm so tense.
Someone stole my purse.
It'll turn up.
Once the dynamic of a relationship is established, it rarely changes.
I'm sorry, but I can't understand you.
Yeah? That talking slower and louder thing is not as helpful as you think.
Jeez, can you believe this guy? If the dynamic does change, it's never as simple as you'd hope.
Hey, Newbie.
I got dinner plans with Jordan and seeing as you're on call, why not pull up a chair in front of Miss Barto? Especially with somebody who's used to you following their lead.
I'll take care of her and I'll have my interns help, but you know, I have other patients too, so Maybe you didn't understand me, there, Violet.
I don't want you leaving her side even if someone sees Justin Timberlake.
Damn it, are you falling in line with me or not? I don't think so.
OK, then.
It was strange not doing what Dr Cox wanted me to do.
Still, I knew I was right.
God.
If Jordan knew I was the reason Dr Cox cancelled dinner, she'd twist my nipples off.
Calm down, Tiger.
She doesn't know.
She knows! Don't worry, guys.
I'd never let her hurt you.
Baby, there you are.
He speaks English.
- Who? - Your brother.
Tell her you speak English.
Don't Qué my ass.
Qué my ass.
You saw the whole thing.
Tell her.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Turk, I would know if my own brother speaks English.
JD.
Those pictures of us when we were going out, do you have those? Filed in my Elliot cabinet.
I don't know, I might.
Why? The one at the beach where I look good and you look like Björk? - Yeah.
- I was hoping you wouldn't mind if I cut you out and used it in a collage I'm making for Sean.
- No problem.
- Thanks.
- How's the moving on thing going? - It's going great, Danni.
In opposite world.
I wanted to say goodbye.
I was gonna stick around a few more days, but I don't really feel like there's a reason to.
- Is there? - Probably not.
- I'm gonna miss you.
- I'm gonna miss you too.
Dude, we just met.
I was kidding.
That's good.
No, I was doing the same thing.
Drive safe.
Hey, Barbie.
How about you sashay over here, push those bangs out of your face, and keep those peepers on Miss Barto's haemodynamics? First, I've got to discharge Mr Hale, get a stat CT on Mrs Peterson, then perform a thong extrication on Ms Reid.
Hey, your last name is Reid.
Doug, I have underwear in my butt.
After that, I'll totally swing back by here.
You're losing them.
Don't get me wrong.
You had me worried there was gonna be a bunch of young Dr Coxes roaming the halls, calling me Bobbo, shaving my genitals when I pass out at the Christmas party.
- Tradition is tradition, Bob.
- Yeah.
Then I remembered you've been here 10 years and there's not a disciple of yours to be found.
You know why? You told them this story and bored them to death? No.
It's because eventually they start questioning the gospel according to Cox and you can't handle that.
Can you? - Hey, jackass.
- Hello, Mark.
- I'm guessing Carla's not around? - She's in the bathroom.
Hey, baby, give me some of that minty breath.
Not in front of my brother.
That stuff always makes him uncomfortable.
Oh, really? I wanted to apologise for the way I've been acting, by loving you up and down, and all around.
- Turk! - He can't understand you.
Let's put your footprints on the ceiling.
- That's it, you son of a bitch.
- I told you.
So black people can get black eyes too.
Who knew? I haven't had one this bad since Nana Hobbs threw that rock.
She thought you were robbing the house.
JD.
Miss Barto's completely stabilized.
I don't want to see you around here any more, OK? All right, you all got work to do.
Newbie, maybe I wasn't clear enough with you about Miss Barto? Here it comes.
I'm incompetent, I'm a girl with pigtails that rides a tricycle.
No.
Well, yes.
But I'm honestly trying to tell you I don't think I was being clear with you before.
In fact, I think I was being a pretty lousy teacher.
Look, putting one in the win column every now and then gives us the juice to keep pluggin' along in games that we know, deep down, we're not gonna win.
That's why I locked in so intensely with that patient.
Because opportunities, they They come along so rarely in this place.
And when they do, you can't let them slip through your fingers.
You cannot.
You know? I think I do.
I wasn't sure what I was hoping for.
That Danni had decided not to leave, that she'd snapped her leg in the parking lot.
- Danni! - Yo.
All I knew was that I had missed an opportunity.
Sorry, sweetie.
Sorry, sweetie.
And Turk, you don't mind if now and then, Marco and I speak Spanish? Baby, fo' shizzle dizzle.
Do your thizzle, cos I'm up out this pizzle.
Church.
See, we got our own secret language too.
No one knew her last name.
No one even remembered seeing her.
I started to wonder if Danni was even real.
I guess that's the thing about life.
You - Hey, JD.
- Excuse me.
You don't really get many second chances.
Danni, hi.
Sorry, sometimes I have this inner monologue in my head.
Oh.
Weirdo.
I'm having dinner with my sister but I'm leaving after that.
Don't.
Stay here with me, we'll get that cup of coffee.
I'm not gonna stick around for one.
OK, two cups and some pie.
Finally, I found a girl with no complications.
I see you've met my sister.
Oh, come on.