Shameless s06e14 Episode Script

Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.
Come and watch pikeys making a mess of the lives they were given by him upstairs and kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs.
What sounds on earth could ever replace kids needing money or wives in your face? Cos this, people reckon, and me included, is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented, to calm us all down and stop us going mental.
These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials.
We are worth every penny for grinding your axes.
You shit on our heads, but you pay the taxes.
Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers, who'd come on your face for the price of a beer.
Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now.
Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now! Scatter! Party! Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree by Tony Orlando Can't resist it, can you? The pull of family, the warmth of a familial embrace.
I'm comin' home I've done my time Now I've got to know what is and isn't mine - Hi, Mum.
- Hi, baby.
Thanks for coming.
The feeling that no matter what happens, there's always someone you can rely on.
I'll soon be free Then you'll know just what to do If you still want me If you still want me Someone you love, who loves you back unconditionally Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree It's been three long years Do you still want me? If I don't see a ribbon safe in the knowledge there's a place you belong.
I'll stay on the bus Forget about her And put the blame on me If I don't see a yellow ribbon Round the old oak tree And while the rest of the world might be waiting for the opportunity to screw you from behind without the benefit of lubrication, you're OK, cos you've got back-up.
CHEERING Cos I couldn't bear to see what I might see You'll never, to borrow from that much-loved Mersey anthem, walk alone.
Even if you fuckin' wanted to.
All right, no wisecracks, there's no time.
I've done upstairs, but there's still work to do.
I want this place gleaming.
Here, I need more disinfectant, floor cleaner, kitchen rolls, bin bags and that stuff you shake on the carpet to stop it smelling like a shit-hole.
You do want Liam and Stella back, I take it? Come on, snap out of it.
Meena! Meena! I pissed you off, you pissed me off.
I'm your mother, you're my daughter.
- I want you back home.
- Just like that? I don't think a whorehouse is the best place for you to be, that's all.
- Is that your way of saying sorry? - Don't push your luck.
I'll give you all the space you need.
You say that now, but we'll be back to square one within days.
Why not save ourselves the bother and stay as we are? Cos I miss you.
Think about it.
Got nothing to say to me? I was wondering where to start.
It's been tough doing what I had to do, but I did it.
What do you want, a medal? - I want a bit of respect.
- What for? Filling your veins with shite or fucking some scrubber behind my back? They'll be no more drugs.
And should you continue to distance yourself, I'll take that as my cue to find my comforts elsewhere.
You're in no position to make any demands after what you've done.
And you're in no position to tell me how I can and can't live my life.
- So where do we go from here? - That's very much up to you.
If you are going to be my wife, stand by my side, that's fine.
But if you think you can rip my balls off and tell me what I can and can't do, that isn't.
Your call.
Colin If you're nervous, don't be.
Whatever you requested, we've heard it a thousand times before.
- Eh, Kelly? - Heard it, done it.
So what is it, a bit of slap and tickle? M and S? - Domination? - Cross-dressing? Not you breast feeding, then shit in a nappy, is it? Does it involve a glass table and a number two? It's ball room.
Is that like teabagging? UNZIPPING Fred and Ginger.
So what? Shoes on, wig on? DVD on while we do the dirty? It's a bit more complicated than that.
Things'll change.
I'll try.
At least say you'll think about it.
OK.
Reckon she'll come round? She's as stubborn as I am, so she's gonna make me suffer.
But, yeah, she'll come round.
Go get your glad rags on, you've got a party to get to.
- I can't leave you on your own.
- Early night for me.
- Bath and bed.
I'll lock up.
- You don't mind? I'll be glad to see the back of you.
Go on.
PHONE RINGS Hello? Hello? Right, that's downstairs finished.
- Bathroom next.
- It's done.
- The skirtings'll need cleaning.
- Done.
- Bedrooms.
- Done.
I did say.
But I'll just check.
Look, you wanted me to do more, I've done it, and you're still not happy.
I just want to help.
All the time, right, I lumbered you with all this, it was wrong, and I apologise, right? But I know now, it's my responsibility, not yours.
- Right, so what do you want me to do? - Eh? I don't know.
Form a cult, squeeze your spots, do whatever teenagers are supposed to do.
Yvonne, it's me! - What the fuck is all this about? - I needed to see you.
You can't.
You're dead.
You have no idea what it's been like for me since I left.
And I've had it easy, me? Arranging your funeral? Talking the kids round? Telling them Daddy loved them, but he's safe in the arms of Allah and one day we're all going to be reunited? Not realising it were gonna be so fucking soon.
I made a mistake! You made more than one, Kash.
- Get out.
- I've thought about you every day.
I've missed you.
Look, it wasn't until I lost you that I realised how much I wanted you.
I can tell them I had an accident.
A breakdown.
I lost my memory, didn't know who I was.
Hang on.
What are you talking about? I want to be a father to our children.
Husband to me wife.
Take me back.
H20, 100%.
It's only one night, Dad.
Just keep thinking about Liam and Stella.
We need them back home where they belong.
With us.
The place isn't the same without them.
I'm glad I've not had a drink.
I'm glad I'm clear-headed.
- Yeah? - Mmm.
Might never have noticed what a fine young man you've turned into.
FRANK FARTS - What's that? - Biriyani.
What can I say? MUSIC STOPS Give us a minute.
Move! Thanks for dropping the charges.
Hang on.
You did me a favour.
You didn't give me one of your fucking kidneys.
Sorry.
I always smile when I'm nervous.
I know what I did, and I know it was wrong.
But I give you my word, it'll never happen again.
I know.
I love her.
I can't imagine me living without your daughter.
- You're right there.
- I'll do whatever it takes.
Drink? Whoa, spread 'em, Frank.
It's a drug-free zone from now on.
All usual suspects to be frisked at regular intervals.
I'm going home! Oh, can we just get on with it, please? I don't want to touch you any more than you want to be touched, OK? This is an infringement of me human rights.
That'd be true, if you were half fucking human.
It's prescription.
It's for when I get me bad heads.
- Like now? - No Ohh! Consider that your final warning, Frank.
- Oh, I don't believe it! - Pissed already? I'm not under the influence of anything.
How many more fucking times? For God's sake, Frank.
- You wouldn't be money laundering? - That's exactly what I'm doing.
And 10% of it's ours.
Since when? Since I renegotiated my terms and conditions.
And once we've got enough, we can retire from the family business and And what? Mum being inside, Dad going through, well, what he's been through kind of got me thinking what I want from life.
What's important to me and who.
You know your family's important to you.
We've always known that.
You know how hard I've had to work to get that together? How many heads I've had to crack? The risks I've taken? And I know Mam and Dad said I could have a bigger piece of the pie, but I'm wondering why can't I have a pie of me own? Yes, lads? She drives me crazy Like no-one else She drives me crazy And I can't help myself Dad.
- Dad! - Are you on something? - No such bleeding luck.
- Stay clean, please.
I couldn't be any bleeding cleaner if I tried.
Don't let us down.
We've got the social round in the morning.
Will you lot shut the fuck up? I said I'll behave, OK? Everyone is under strict instructions not to give you 'owt that falls within the categories of Class A, B or C.
D, E, F, G Oh, I've had enough.
I'm off.
- Where? - Home.
Got to stay clean, haven't I? Sober.
And like the three wise monkeys keep on fucking saying, it's just one night.
If you're doing this for me, then don't.
Cos when it all turns to rat's piss, I'll be the one getting the blame.
It won't.
We're all right with what we've got.
We don't want We don't need any more.
Yeah, for now.
But what about later? What if we decide to have kids? Where did that come from? A couple of months back, if I'd have asked you what your family was, you'd have said your mam, your dad, Mandy, Shane and Mickey.
I was just your wife.
Kids weren't even part of the plan.
A couple of months ago, we nearly split.
My dad was a junkie and Mam could have been facing life for murder if that twat hadn't survived.
All I'm saying is, I want more for the effort I'm putting in.
For you and me, for our future.
I'm tired of carrying passengers, Karen.
We've ran out of voddy.
Mam says put it on slate.
See you later.
Er, no, you won't.
Karen and I are having an early night.
It's me mam's welcome home do! You've got to be there.
I don't got to be anywhere.
Look, tell her I'll see her tomorrow.
I'm not just a Maguire.
I'm Jamie Maguire.
You're Karen Maguire.
This is my family.
OK.
Now, your arm here and my arm there.
Now, take the weight on the balls of your feet.
Something tells me you're going to be good at this.
Very, very good.
Bit risky phoning.
Anybody could have picked up.
I've been thinking about you all night.
I look back and I can't believe what I did to you.
To our kids.
Look, years of tearing myself apart about the way I treated you.
Please! Give me a chance to put things right.
Kash, you're dead.
We can explain all that! Do you have any idea what this'll do to the kids? They still think you're floating down the Ganges.
How do you think they'll react when they realise you're still alive? And not only that, that you - we - faked the whole thing? - They'll come round! - Kash, please! I'm begging you.
Have anything you want.
Just leave the kids out of it, please.
I love you.
I don't love you.
And you coming back here could fuck up everything I've got.
The kids, Stan Stan Waterman? He's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I've got no chance, have I? Three years too late.
I'm sorry.
I've moved on.
We all have.
So should you.
Start a new life.
Get married again, if that's what you need to do.
How am I supposed to do that? - I haven't got a penny to my name.
- I can help.
I've got a couple of grand.
It'll leave me skint, but I should be used to that by now, eh? Good night last night.
Have to keep our eye on Joe.
I think Joe knows if he ever laid a hand on a child of ours again he'd never be able to have any of his own.
You've been to see him? We made our feelings known.
- And why wasn't I told? - You were in the nick.
I got out yesterday afternoon.
You weren't speaking to me yesterday afternoon.
I kept this business going while you were on your lost weekend.
I made sure we kept what was ours.
I fought like you wouldn't believe to make sure you hadn't fucked everything up, so don't you dare try and nudge me out of what's mine Here you go, with "me" and "mine".
- I own 50% of everything we've got.
- I'm not arguing with that.
All's I'm saying is, from now on, there's one boss.
Me.
We built this business.
Me and you.
And if you think I'm going to turn into some little Hausfrau just so you can shag your way through your mid-life crisis think again.
She drives me crazy We've been trying to rouse you for half an hour.
It's the first time I've slept properly in about ten years.
Are you sure you're not under the influence? I was asleep by 11.
30.
I said I'd take nothing and I took nothing.
I had nowt but water at Eva Braun's welcome home.
Hand on heart.
Test me piss, if you like.
I want me kids back! Nice one, Dad.
HE YAWNS I'd forgotten what it feels like to have blood flowing through me veins - instead of 5% imported lager.
- Why don't you get yourself ready? Shirt's ironed, on the back of your bedroom door.
HE EXHALES God, I feel alive! - Where have you been? - Out.
You've been hours.
I was worried.
Your mobile went straight to voicemail.
Stan, will you back off? You're suffocating me! You can be a little overbearing at times.
Fuck off! What's going on? I've come to apologise.
I'm doing this for Mandy.
I love her, and we want to make a go of it.
She needs her family.
She's got her family.
Karen? See what this bloke wants, will you? I thought you might have a smile for me, after everything we've been through.
Don't push your luck.
- Imagine what Jamie'd do if he knew.
- Well, he'd kill you.
Well, he'd have to be quick.
Cos if he thinks I'm going to let him have a pop at me twice, he's more thick than I had him marked down for.
Three lagers, pint of Guinness, orange and ice a voddy tonic for Laughing Gas.
I want you to build some bridges.
Between me and your hubby.
Convince him that I mean what I say, that I'm head over heels for his sister and that I'm a changed man.
That he actually beat some sense into me.
You're wasting your time.
Try.
And remember, I can walk away from this at any time I like.
You can't.
No, but you're presuming I want to.
Or that I need to.
You tell Jamie what went on between me and you.
Just see who he believes.
His wife, who he wants to have his kids, or the piece of shit that near bust his sister's ribs.
That's L8, please, Joe.
Take one for yourself.
No, thanks.
As you know, I have to submit a report to my superiors about the possibility of Stella and Liam's return to the family home.
Can we read it first? Make sure you're not putting any lies down.
- Debbie - Well, she's not trustworthy, is she? Made mates with us last time, pissed off with the kids as soon as our back was turned.
- That's enough.
- It's not like you're not thinking it.
This isn't helping, Debbie.
I did what I had to do.
We will not leave children in a home where there are drugs or alcohol being abused.
All that's over.
It's different.
I've changed, seen the light.
You know you hear about people saying that they'd die for their sons and daughters, leap in front of bullets for them? I used to think, "Bollocks.
You can always have more kids.
" But I understand now.
I mean, losing Liam and Stella, it's made me reassess what I want out of life.
And what I want first and foremost is my kids back.
- So what is it we need to do? - Well, what we're looking for initially is an improvement re certain safety issues.
But I can see that there has been a huge advance in that regard, but it's their emotional security that's my main concern.
I know Debbie does her best, but you don't need me to tell you that it's not her place to look after two young children.
Well, I hold me hands up.
I have made mistakes, but a lot of that is to do with the fall-out of my wife leaving me to cope on my own and Well, simply, I couldn't.
Er I wasn't ready for, you know, the responsibility then.
But I am now.
And he will have back-up.
I know I'm not officially part of the family, but they took me to their hearts when I had no-one, and I'd like to repay that kindness by doing whatever I can to make sure Liam and Stella are safe and secure.
I'm still awake, aren't I? And that's got to be a good thing, knowing that we've got that support from Norma, that back-up, whenever we need it.
Oh, shit! I know you think I'm stupid.
I know he's not the man you'd have picked for me, but you can't help who you fall in love with, can you, Mam? I just wish I could be stronger.
More like you.
We're more alike than you'll ever know.
- You knew what was riding on this! - I'm sorry.
I should have remembered.
If I'd don't have a drink, or a spliff or an E If I don't anaesthetise myself, the hormones kick in and Lickle Frank thinks he's 15.
Oh, come on! Who the fuck's going to be attracted to Norma? Your wife, for one! I am the victim of a liberated libido.
Anything can get Lickle Frank going.
Sitting on the back of the bus, flicking through the knicker section of the catalogue, and don't say you don't know what I'm talking about.
You fuck off! Come on.
Out of all of them, you're most like me - your brains are in your bollocks.
Come on, help me out.
You know what it's like.
I'm nothing like you, all right? If Debbie hadn't had a go at that social worker, none of this would have happened.
No, you fucked it up, not Debbie! You've fucked it up with each and every one of us, Dad.
You had the chance to put it right with Liam and Stella but you fucked that up, too.
- I'm sorry.
- Aren't you always? I am! Will that bring your kids back? Liam? It's Debbie.
Look, I'm on my way round.
Make sure you're in.
DOOR CLOSES Hello? Not a bad place.
Got potential.
- How d'you find me? - I followed you from your dad's.
Yours? Must be worth a few bob.
Sugar daddy? Some rich eccentric pop his clogs after slotting you one? Don't talk to me like that.
I'm not 15 any more.
- What are you after? - Why would I want anything? Because it's the only time I ever saw you with a fucking smile on your face.
I missed you.
Realised how wrong I got it when we were together, how stupid I was throwing what we had away.
How much I loved you That wouldn't have worked on me even when I was a kid.
What are you really after? I need somewhere to crash.
I wouldn't ask if I wasn't desperate.
Do I look like I give a fuck? How about a couple of quid, you know, just tide me over? They said they'd kill me! If I don't pay back what I owe.
Kill me, lan! Ten grand! I ain't got that sort of cash.
Well, sell this place.
Take out a fucking loan! I'm desperate here.
Fuck you, then.
Fuck you! - Hiya.
- Hiya, Debbie.
Come in.
I would have called, but It's OK.
I said you could call any time, and I meant it.
Thanks.
BABY CRIES Can I pick her up? So how's things? I just miss them both like mad.
How's Liam been? Ask him yourself.
Can we go out? Town maybe? - We could go for a pizza.
- I'd have to come with you.
Rules, Debbie.
Sorry.
Sure.
Hiya, hello.
I know he was a bastard.
I know he tret me like shit and the kids even worse.
I know I should have told him to fuck off, Stan.
When he were there, telling me he'd realised what a mistake he'd made and how sorry he was, I just remembered how much I used to love him.
I just wanted to help.
If you love him, tell me, and I'll walk away.
No! No, Stan.
I love you.
I just felt so sorry for him.
And that, if that can help him find just a little bit of happiness in his life, it'll be worth every penny.
The whole family's in pieces.
Dad's taking it particularly bad.
I'm sure it won't be long before you're all together again.
What does your social worker say? She's got to get the reports in, see what the bosses recommend.
Oh, darling.
- Maria! - I'll get it.
Are you OK? Aaaaargh! Do you want to call it a day? I can't afford to grow a conscience, son.
Where to next? Are you going straight back on duty, then? No rest for the wicked.
Thanks again, Lillian.
You still on for tonight? I wouldn't miss it for the world, Mr Huckenhall.
- Colin please.
- Oh, right.
L2,372.
Thanks, Von.
You don't know what this means.
She knows exactly what it means.
It means you're L7,628 short.
I've ordered the cash from the bank, I'll bring it to you later.
Why didn't you just tell the truth? All that shit about loving me and the kids.
- All that was true! - Bollocks! You tried that with me.
Using your own kids - to get a few bob out of her.
- Take it back, then.
Go on, take it.
If that's all you think I'm here for.
If that's all it takes to get rid of you, it's worth every penny.
You get it on the understanding that you never set foot back here again.
Try and contact the kids, and I'll fucking kill you.
And if she doesn't, I will.
And if they don't Yeah, I got the message.
If there was any other way, Yvonne.
I just got in over me head.
Borrowed too much money from the wrong kind of people.
I'll drop the cash here tonight.
Seven o'clock.
What? I had no option.
This will do the trick, won't it? This will be the last we see of him.
I already thought that were the last I'd seen of him.
We've got to make him understand, there's no more after this has gone.
There's the shop.
That's what worries me, he knows I've got the shop.
Where the fuck is this gonna end short of killing the little shit? - Be serious.
- I am.
And the cupboard was bare.
I didn't know if you'd be in after what you said.
I thought you might be out, you know, shagging women, trying drugs.
Asserting your masculinity.
Not that I've got a problem with that.
Could do you a fry-up in ten.
Sit down.
It's your house, after all.
MIMI CLEARS THROAT I was just thinking about what you said earlier.
And if those are the conditions I have to agree to in order for this marriage to survive then so be it.
Yeah? I've got one condition.
Name it.
You never bring any of the women home.
Done.
And what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
I've been on the internet.
There's an escort agency in Deansgate.
a student at the uni.
Australian.
and a cock like a baby's arm holding a peach.
Speaking of which, fruit salad OK for afters? Take the peaches out.
I saw that look in your eye, Stan, and it frightened me.
Right, OK.
I want to kill him! I could strangle the fucker with me bare hands! - Got any Eccles cakes? - We're right out.
Sorry.
That bastard has the audacity to come back in here after all these years and threaten everything we have.
I could slit his throat, I could peel the fucker, stab the twat! I could bury him alive.
Electrocute him! I could hammer nails through his thick fucking skull! I could eat him.
Yeah, that's right, I could eat him.
But I wouldn't cook the cunt.
I'd eat the fucker raw! What is it doing to us? What's it turning us into? You're right.
Oh, dear God, I'm sorry, Yvonne.
You're right.
What was I thinking? We don't need this.
It's all just material stuff.
It can be replaced.
What's important is me, you and the kids.
We stay one step ahead of Kash, and we tell the kids everything.
We go to the police now.
Tell them about the sham suicide and the phoney insurance claim.
We'll go down for it, but they'll be lenient if we co-operate, which we will.
We're looking at five, ten years, max.
But we'll keep our dignity, be able to hold our heads high in the knowledge that there's no-one out there with anything over us.
We're better than him, Yvonne.
- Ten years? - Max.
Fuck that.
Let's kill him.
You took her without permission? Which means effectively you've kidnapped Stella.
And Liam.
- No.
- Why can't we go home? Cos Soft Shite has got half of Manchester's finest combing the estate looking for you two.
- You wanted them back - here they are.
- Quiet! We need to sort this and quick.
- Has the carer tried ringing you? - I haven't had my phone turned on.
Say there's been a mix-up.
What happened on the bus was a genuine mistake.
You didn't charge your phone, you panicked and ran back here.
I just hope they believe you.
Hang on, Debs.
Let's just try one more thing.
Colin wants us to do it al fresco.
Think I should? Why not? Start by half six, most people are in having their tea.
MOANING Don't we normally do stock-take at night? Do you want the 30 quid, or don't you? Well get in there and shut the fuck up.
Three hours.
Plenty of time.
We can afford to chill out a bit.
- Get our heads clear.
- We can do this.
We can do Yvonne! You said ages back you used to be a foster carer.
We need a favour.
So what is it you're suggesting? I'm still registered.
The kids come to me while the family re-adjust to the new circumstances.
- Monica doing a bunk.
- It's not that easy, Yvonne.
I know you've got reservations about Frank's abilities as a parent.
Who hasn't? Take a positive step.
If I'm allowed to foster the kids, they're just next door, close proximity to the siblings, lower stress levels for everyone.
- Yours included.
- But what about their father? He can barely look after himself.
Where is he, anyhow? He's popped down to see his best mate.
Aaah! Let's not write him off just yet.
If I'm approved, it should be on the condition he attends parenting classes.
Look, you know as well as I do that once you put this to your bosses, they'll bite your hand off.
One less family on the at-risk register, I'm back on your books, you're throwing kids at me left, right and centre and I'll take them.
I'll help you, you help me.
Well it couldn't be immediate.
Oh, no! We couldn't cope with immediate.
We've got a few things to get out of the way first.
Can we have tea here, then go back to Maria's later? Then you put your report in, tell them the brilliant idea you've come up with.
Brownie points for you, kids are back where they belong, everybody's happy.
- Back in Maria's by nine? - Deal.
- Oh, Yvonne, man! - No need.
Bye! I won't be able to keep it to myself.
- I'll tell people.
I'll confess.
- Tell them what? That we killed him.
He's dead already, how do you kill a dead man? Look we've still got an hour.
Let's go over it one more time.
You prep the room, make it forensic proof.
I make myself scarce.
We wait.
When he turns up, I keep him talking.
Some guff about you fetching the money.
I keep him busy, while you Then, once he's dead, I bought a season ticket to Knowsley Safari Park.
Go as many times as we like, but I think it'll only take four trips.
Arms, legs, torso, head.
Once we've driven into the lion enclosure, it's windows down and bye-bye, Kash.
OK.
OK.
RADIO PLAYS DOOR OPENS How the fuck did you get in? We're closed.
Kept my keys.
MUSIC PLAYS I'm sorry I lied.
But believe me, son, I had no choice.
If I hadn't, you, your mum, Meena you'd have lost everything.
Everything.
- They said you killed yourself.
- It was the only way I could think of getting you out of the mess that I'd made.
I went to your funeral.
- I'm sorry.
- I prayed every night for your soul.
- Fuck off! - Please, son.
I said fuck off.
I mean fuck off! He's not coming.
There's summat wrong, I can feel it.
- You lied.
- I had no choice.
You could have told me, you could have trusted me! If I'd stayed, I would've taken you down with me.
I'd have gone with you! I'd have gone.
I'm sorry.
I wish you were dead.
You bastard! FIREWORKS EXPLODE Shit! Let's face the music and dance Hiya, kid.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
I think we'll be all right now.
- Thanks, Norma.
- It's all right.
Look all of this has kind of got us thinking.
I'm not sure I can explain what I'm feeling.
But let me try.
Ohh! NORMA LAUGHS In your fucking dreams! Liam! - Dad! - Hello, son! Chesney! Chesney's in there.
Someone get him out! Oh, my God! My son's in there! Get him out, please! No! Oh, my God, he's there! Get off me! Fire's out the back.
Are you all right? Are you hurt? Were there anybody else in there? You know who was in there.
Don't you? Some old fella.
A tramp.
He broke in, he's still in there.
Family.
Tied by blood, by history, by secrets, by lies.
FIREWORKS CONTINUE Tied together for ever, whether we like itor not.
What the! - I'm Ginger! - I'm Ginger.
- I said I'm fucking Ginger! - And I said Cunt! Let's face the music and dance!