Shameless s09e11 Episode Script

Manchester's built on tunnels.
I'm surprised it hasn't collapsed.
Where you off to? Look, the less I tell you, the better.
It's a big job.
I want you to know these things, that's all.
'Scratchcards?' 'I can actually feel you staring at my arse.
' Jamie's being a prick.
He didn't come home last night.
'Frank!' We're all supposed to be in this together.
Ohhhhh! Turn back! 'Frank's tried to do a runner.
' The whole shaft's collapsed.
We have no idea how long we're going to be down here for.
Anyone watching thinking we know fuck-all about knowing fuck-all about owt needs to watch their back Ow! So you've had your Labour reclassifying skunk, sending prices sky-high, literally literally taking the grass from its own roots.
And now you've got your ConDemNation Liberals noshing Tories like altar boys picking dimps up.
Have we had a national fucking stroke, or what? Is revolution a word, or was it never? Anybody watching needs to know, we cope better than average with irony in Chatsworth.
Well, for fuck's sake, we live in Manchester, and they charge us for water! I wandered lonely as a clown, necking mushrooms rarely found.
This green and pleasant land in ancient times Yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak! It's not theirs anymore.
This is our England now! Paaaarty! You're always aware of when you're doing something for the first time Swim a length, ride a bike, head the ball without shutting your eyes.
Drink a man-sized pint stick your neck out for a mate smoke a cigarette dream of a woman other than your wife pop your cherry, get pissed, get high, for the last time.
Last meal last fuck.
.
Last fight last breath.
It sneaks up on you.
You just never know.
'I might not be around for a few days.
' You don't have to answer to me.
Yeah, I know that.
Well, it's a big job.
I want you to know these things, that's all.
Keep talking.
I'm listening.
I'll pick up the shopping on the way back home from mass.
I know where they are, Dominic.
What? I think I know where they are.
I think.
You think? Well, you better think harder, Gloria, cos it's five days since they've been gone.
He told me after we'd I wasn't really listening.
Oh.
Had you all going, did he? The opposite.
I was pissed off with him.
Why? Because I could No, why have you waited till now? What you want me to say, eh? "Oh, by the way, Karen, "Jamie did mention where he was going after we fucked, but I can't "quite remember all the details"? So where did you fuck him? That's disgusting.
Gloria, listen! Retrace your steps, all right? Just think about it.
It might just jog your memory.
Leave it.
It's the third time I've seen it this hour.
It's getting more confident.
Let it think we're not bothered, and when it least expects it, I'll jump the little fucker.
Give it a chance to fatten up, then, eh? Best if we keep that as long as we can.
Once it's gone, it's gone.
Well, I'll have my share now.
No.
Please! No need, Jamie.
You'll thank me for it later.
I'm dying of thirst and I'm fuckin' starving, here! We all are.
I could eat a scabby horse.
I could eat Frank.
Take one prime beef Mancunian, marinade it overnight in human detritus, then roast gently over a low light for about, what? Five fuckin' days, until fuckin' dead.
Oh.
There's not much on these bones, y'know.
You'd be much better off with Ruby she'd taste a lot sweeter.
Not if you value your testicles.
Frank! What? Well, it's the only way I can keep the old love plums cool.
Avert your eyes if you're offended.
Ooooh! I just need something to take my mind off the heat! Fag'd do it.
Every last detail.
I mean, give yourself time to remember.
What music you listened to.
What you were doing.
Don't leave nothing out.
Are you sure? Gloria, five days they've been gone.
His guilty pleasure he's a big Journey fan.
So we started out in missionary.
Then Doggie-style.
Self explanatory.
What's that? Finger job.
Reverse cowgirl.
And then back ooft to missionary.
So he's quite an athletic lad.
Shot his load, started to get dressed.
Well, it's a big job.
Want you to know these things, that's all.
And that's when he said said something about a job.
Scratch cards? Cabinet War Rooms, converted for secure storage full of 'em.
And how come you know about it? Your Jamie told me.
When? When was it? I think it was Friday.
Does it matter? Of course it fucking does! He's told a fucking stranger and not his wife.
At least we know where they are.
And why've you just remembered now? Come on, Karen.
I was bladdered.
Something must've gone wrong.
Poirot has nothing on you! Well, how the fuck are we going to find them? A needle in a haystack! Re-trace their footsteps.
I better give 'em a hand.
Twenty quid says Frank doesn't make it back.
I'll give you 3-1.
Will you fucking leave that? It's bricked up.
I'll do what I want.
Saw this documentary once it takes and starvation.
How long have we been here now? Five.
Three.
Four.
It's a fact.
Yeah skin cracks, lips, tongue.
Stomach lining drying out makes you vomit.
Nosebleeds.
Seizures.
Organs shrink.
This really isn't helping.
Here.
Get some of that down you, lad.
I'd rather have the nosebleeds and seizures.
Ruby? Oi, scrote pack it in! Shut up! It's hollow.
This fucking vent it's hollow behind the bricks.
Yeah, mind out.
Do you mind? Nothing.
Oh, why is it men never change their sheets? Like sleeping in a fucking jockstrap.
There's got to be something.
We need to get into his head.
Billy think like Shane.
Kelly! Please don't leave me, Kelly! I love you! Ahhh What is it exactly we're looking for here? Clues, pictures anything that can help us retrace their steps.
What about this? What the fuck?! It's a schematic of the lottery building.
There's posters all over the wall, he's told your brother, but he's not told his wife?! It's a gas escape for a another sewage channel or summat.
Fucking rank! It gets narrower the further you get in.
Fuck's sake! Think you'd fit in there? No! But funny enough, it's about your fucking size.
If I thought I'd fit, I wouldn't hesitate.
Oh yeah!! Someone's got to go in there.
We don't know where it goes if it goes anywhere at all.
Shimmy back the way.
It's a maze of fucking tunnels and vents and pipes nobody knows where half of it goes.
Well, someone does.
Yes, but he's conspicuous by his fucking absence, isn't he? So we just stay down here fucking permanently, do we? Well, that's fucking optimistic! Aidan! Don't be fucking stupid! I'd rather risk this than stay with you moaning bastards a minute longer! If you die, we're not coming for your body, you fucking arsehole! Love yer, kid! Aye, carrot and stick.
Fuck you doing? Making sure we're covered.
You're writing him off already? What if he's dead? What if he's found shit loads of money and fucked off? What if he's got another woman? What is he's shot or in jail? Don't be soft.
I'm being practical.
Look, if something happens, me and Connor are on our own and I need to know that we're going to be OK.
You do what you need to do for your son, Mimi, and I will do the same for mine.
You got a secret stash? Nothing that'd interest you.
I'll just ask the lads what they know about it.
Fuck All right, all right.
Something that I left down here last time I came down.
Wow.
Sentimental value.
Trophies of an unspoiled life spliff, copy of Shoot.
A porn mag? Football, you dummy.
Remember, something pure? Picture of family.
Fuck off! It's a statement of intent.
What's going on? Disaster relief.
We're getting prepared in case we find them.
We'll find them.
Thermal blankets, cereal bars, water, vits.
We need blood.
Violence isn't the answer.
For a blood transfusion, Dopey.
What if they've been in a shoot-out and one them needs blood? Paddy always kept a fridge-full, every blood-group, just in case.
Well, I'm not arguing with her.
And that lot can volunteer.
And any complaints, fuck off to another pub.
Your Tish has locked herself in our bathroom and won't come out.
Thank you.
Tish, what's going on? I'll kick this door in, you know I will.
I wanted something of Aidan's.
Then, I saw this.
Oh, for God's sake.
That might be all that's left of him.
How do you know it's his? It could be I do my business at Lillian's.
No way my buttocks are sharing porcelain with Frank Gallagher.
Or it could be Frank's.
Frank's missing and Mrs Croker can't get up the stairs.
It's not mine.
I only go on Sundays.
You only take a dump once a week? Regular.
Come on.
I'm not moving until Aidan comes home.
"Truth is beauty and beauty is truth.
" "Liberty, fraternity, equality.
" "A life worth living.
" "Making a mark.
" Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get the picture.
I was a dick when I was a lad.
No, you had ambition and dreams.
What's wrong with that? Ambition, dreams, principles Life soon kicked the living shit out of that.
Frank, it's not too late to turn your life around.
Oh, don't dare pity me, you cheeky bint.
I am happy with my lot.
Ambition's a scam, designed to make sure you keep your head down, be an obedient little consumer.
I'm just being supportive.
Well don't.
Sort your own house out.
Trying to wheedle your way into a family most people'd try and wheedle their way out of.
I'm not trying to wheedle You don't count as blood to the Maguires unless you slithered out of Mimi's Scally muff and you didn't, so you don't.
And fuck knows why you'd want to.
Stop fucking whining.
It's a good deal a pint for a pint.
Which ridiculously over-values you lot.
Do 25 and we'll let you go free.
Clear.
Do it in block capitals.
Right.
I'm off to see a man about a shit.
I thought she did all her business at Lillian's.
Aooowwww!! Please, God, or whoever the fuck's up there bring Shane back and I'll do anything.
I'll devote my life to you.
It's fucking warm.
It's a body fluid.
It's good for you.
Probably bits of jizz and God knows what washed out in his sample.
Might as well have given him a nosh, put the poor lad out of his misery.
You can't live off've toothpaste alone you know.
I know, I know.
We're going to be all right.
Fuck are you doing? I dunno, I just thought Well don't think! We're family! Fuck off! You were all over me! Was I fuck all over you! Cut it out, Ruby! A bit of consideration wouldn't go amiss.
You're the twat that brought the fucking shaft down! Oh, yeah, it's my fault for trying to escape my captors, my kidnappers, innit? How selfish am I? You weren't kidnapped! Well, blackmailed, at the very fucking least, over the life of an innocent.
You bastard.
You said he was missing.
You're not fucking eating him! That's the building.
And that's the shaft there.
Don't know what you're on about.
No, look, the padlock's off it.
Open it up.
There's rubble down there.
Must've collapsed.
Shit.
Shhh.
I can hear voices.
Jamie? I can hear voices.
It's coming from here! Shh! Jamie! I'm warning you, Frank! Jamie! Are you all right? Are you alive? Mam? Mam, Mam, we're down here! Mam, we're alive! We're OK! Where the fuck have you been? Aidan, nice one, mate! We knew you'd do it! What the fuck's Aidan got to do with it? Jamie, we haven't seen Aidan, lad.
So who told you we were down here? Someone only broke the golden rule.
Who's been a naughty boy, Jamie? What the fuck have you done? He only went and told Dom all about the job how, where, when.
Best mistake you ever made, son! Yeah, well I fucking forgot, didn't I? I drank his fucking piss, Jamie because you said that nobody knew! Don't worry about a thing.
We'll grab a tent off the tram extension, nobody'll think twice.
And this place is fucking deserted over the Bank Holiday.
Go on, get going Look, I can't stay too long, OK? Her husband could be dead for fuck's sake.
What have you got on more pressing than that? There's loads of folk could cover, you know.
Go upstairs, rest.
I'm all right.
Sweep? What? For them underground, who croaks first and when.
It's times like this when folk need a distraction.
What if he's not on a job? And he's on the fucking job.
Oh, it's a chuffing orgy, is it? With his own brother and Frank Gallagher? He's acting weird.
Get out from behind that fucking bar.
I'll do a shift.
Oh, my God! They've found them.
They're alive.
Except, Aidan.
He's missing.
I wonder if anyone's picked him.
Oh, shit.
Fuck! Here you are.
Ta, bro.
When can I get this back? You'll get it when you fucking get it, all right? Fuck off.
Let's go.
Are you ready? Here's the first one.
There'll be plenty to go round, little sips, yeah? Water.
Water.
Here you are, Frank, here's a bevvie.
Shane.
Give us one of those, Frank.
What the fuck's that??! It's a webcam, Shane.
Thank fuck.
Back in the 21st century.
Sorted.
Yes! Ladies and Gentlemen, we've got eyes and ears.
No way.
Can you see us? Yes! Is mum up there? You look terrible.
How are you holding up, OK? Yep, we're fine, now we've got the provisions.
Listen, have you heard from Aidan? Hello? Nothing, no word.
Here's some batteries.
Watch your heads.
When you're running low, send the old ones up and we'll re-charge them.
Hiya, baby, how are you, son? Hiya, Mum.
Cheers for helping out, Mam.
That's what your Mam's for, son.
Love you.
Oh, I love you too and I miss you so much.
Hey, Ches.
Yes, Jamie.
Great spliff, mate.
Wait! It's fucking horrible down here.
I know, I feel sick.
Right, we'll go in through the top, so long as we shore it up as we go.
We'll do it in shifts, yeah? There's no space to dig side-by-side.
Do a time and motion study, did you? No.
No-one's done them since the '70s.
It's just physics mass, space and time.
Anyway, you do first shift and I'll rest up.
Mam? Mam, you there? Mam? She's got them going on the dig, Jamie.
Who's that? It's Dom.
Thank fuck you remembered where we were, eh? Well, as you know I was pissed as a newt when you told me.
Difficulty was, putting together all the little things that I thought I knew.
I can imagine.
Our Gloria was a great help, though.
You know, she managed to make sense of it all for me.
Is she there? I believe she's at the pub with your Karen.
Was she upset? Which "she" are we talking about here? My wife.
I let her know you were OK.
But she didn't come down? Dominic! Give Karen a call, yeah? Tell her I'm all right.
Tell her I said Tell her I said Dom? Dom? Help.
You all right, there? Comfortable? Nah, man.
My legs are falling asleep.
We're making good progress, must've had 40 buckets out.
that's 480 kilos.
You've just fucking made that up.
Fair enough, but it can't be that far.
You're doing a good job, anyway.
My shift in 40 minutes, yeah? We need to get rid of the scratchcards.
If we get pulled, they're evidence.
It's the reason we're here.
Where do we cash them? When people find out the tunnel collapsed, they'll be looking out for them.
Small prizes, multiple locations, always stay one step ahead.
So why did you let it slip to Dom? Well, just be glad I did, or we'd be stuck here permanently.
Besides, you were hardly a model of self-control.
What the fuck does that mean? It means you led him on with his knob.
Did I? Who'd have thought it, I've got the moral high ground.
Oh, fucking hell, Frank! What have you done, Frank? I didn't touch it! Possible structural insecurity and reports of a collapse in the foundations.
Fuck! Hurry up! What are you guys doing?! A fucking tampon.
What?! You think that would expand and block the pipe? Oh, you've got another one, have you? Great.
Maybe that one will blow up to a five-man dinghy, and we can sail on out? Fucking funny.
For fuck's sake! Let's get all this lot off the floor and in here before it starts flooding.
It doesn't look right.
Because it's fucking pasta sauce.
Let's just hope they don't need it.
Don't fucking ask.
Let's just accept life is weird, and move on.
Tish still upstairs? Tish, you still with us? Tell me you are fucking joking! Show some respect.
Shit.
We've got trouble.
Shit.
Jamie! What if he doesn't come out, and my last memory's us two arguing? He'll come back and you'll be fine.
You've had a tiff, so what? If ever there were a couple made for each other, it's you two.
At least I can look good for him when he comes out.
That's my girl.
In my experience, there's not much a fella won't risk for the sake of a good ride.
How're we getting on? What's wrong? Is Jamie OK? We've had a set back.
There's been a second collapse.
But is he OK? The camera feed's down.
We don't know.
Billy's down there, too.
What if I lost my boys? If she finds out, Mimi will quite literally gargle with your testicles.
You won't be in the room, but she'll gargle with them none the less.
It's your fault.
It usually is, but expand, just to humour me.
You still love Shane.
"Bring Shane back.
I'll devote my life.
" And the rest.
It's superstition.
Rabbit's foot, tooth fairy, Easter bunny.
It's any old port in a storm.
I prayed for Shane to come back, and I got this for Jamie.
I'm fasting for Frank, rosary for Aidan, And I'm wearing this for the cranky Scotch one.
You promised you'd devote your life.
I didn't mean it! It's a crisis.
People promise any old shite in a crisis.
Billy and Jackson are all right.
They're coming up.
OK? Look at them.
We're over here, all Great Escape and that, and they're just totally oblivious.
Fuck this.
Where you going? They could be near their last breath down there.
We need help.
Not the police! It's your son that's down there.
You know, the one that you care so much about? It's funny, innit? It's all been about Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.
Not been a mention of Shane.
We're here for Shane, all right? Look, we're all here for everyone.
Give us one more go.
If we can't get through, then call the police.
Yeah, we're close, Karen.
We can do it.
Come on, let's get a shift on.
Two hands are better than one, this time.
Hurry up.
Fucking had it with this place.
No! What? It's not dangerous, is it? Fucking lethal.
I think.
That's how they kill people on films, innit? Throw a toaster in the bath.
I think you'll find salt water conducts, fresh water's safe enough.
Oh, well, be my guest.
You know as well as I do, prison'd kill him.
He could be dead already.
Don't say that.
If he isn't, I don't care if he goes down, I just want him back in one piece.
If he doesn't make it, this is on your head.
May God forgive you.
Move.
No, Mimi.
Get off! We need to get the cable out of the water or we're fucking dead.
Volunteers? I've been a certified coward all my life, mate.
How about you, big man? Want to show us how it's done? No chance.
Fuck it.
Whoa! You'll kill yourself, mate.
Not if I get the cable out of the water before I hit the surface.
Oh, yeah? And what about the leccy that's already in the water? Well, I dunno, do I? If you want to stand around discussing the finer points On my count of three, let me go.
One Oh! Two Would it be any easier if you went on a count of four? I want to do it, but my legs aren't cooperating.
We're through.
Buzzin'! Hello? Can you hear us? Oi! Jackson, stay where you are, we've got a huge problem in here.
How unpopular are you?! Even buried people don't want to see you! Go on, I thought you were seedless, not impotent.
How about you go in? Ruby! No! Go! Go! Get out! Hello, partner.
I'll kiss you when I taste fresh air, mate.
You not coming? You can't stay here.
C'mon.
Fuck's sake, hurry up! How many more? Two, plus Ches.
What about Aidan? Nobody knows where he is.
Been gone for hours.
The collapse happened ages ago.
Could be anywhere.
You just fucking left him? You're more than welcome to go down and have a look.
He's gone.
Who's gone? Oh, kidder, I thought you were lost.
How the fuck? Met a bloke who lives down there.
Scavenges.
Led me out the drain over there.
Jamie! Ah.
Hey, Mum.
I'm sorry, babe.
I'm sorry.
Frank, you bell-end, come on.
We're fucked if they find us! Ooh! Argh! What? I'm not even fucking good enough to arrest now? There you are.
You thought I'd gone again? Can you drop it? Feel bad enough as it is.
Everything I do is for us, for our family.
You and him the only thing that kept me going down there.
Was you scared? Was I fuck.
"Scared.
" Nah, it's not mine.
Wrong colour.
How embarrassing praying over the wrong shit.
Oi, what you doing? I nearly died getting those.
I know.
And I fucking hate them.
If any of these get traced back here, you go down for a very long time.
I already nearly lost you once.
Oi, Dom, I need a word, mate.
Sorry, Jamie, not now, eh? Well, now we're all home safe and sound Oh, fucking hell, Mum! I want it understood you ever give me a fright like that again I will never forgive you.
Never! There's been too much loss in this family as it is.
And I just want to say how grateful I am you all made it back.
There were times I thought you wouldn't.
And how much I love you.
Thank you.
Pissed already.
Yep.
Always gets sentimental after a skinful, don't you? I'm talking about Ruby.
My lads would be dead if it wasn't for her.
Jamie told us what you did.
We're proud to call you family, kid.
Hard luck.
Ruby! Ruby! Wha-hey! Oi! No mention of you-know-what on Facebook.
I'm not an idiot.
And you don't tell me what to do no more.
Er, where are you off to? Get wasted and shag bareback in a bus shelter.
So long as you're back by 11.
Love you.
Thank you so much.
Hiya.
Leave her alone, dickhead.
Bit of a rascal, aren't you? What are you on about? Your act of heroism slightly less heroic, when you consider the rubber boots you were wearing.
Ahhh! You fucking Braveheart, yeah.
Nothing like a bit of insulation to save you from death by electrocution.
Yeah, I'm not the only one with a guilty secret, am I? What? Your little letter from 16-year-old Frank? Oh, just the ramblings of a hormonal teen.
That you replied to.
Bollocks! And it's sealed up so no-one will ever see it.
Your secret's safe with me, Frank, but you are a romantic.
Clever bitch.
Busy while you were away.
Oh, yeah? Mm-hm.
All the collections from last week paid in full.
So you better start recruiting some new bodies, and build a proper team.
Thank you.
Erm I couldn't remember.
I know.
But it's fine.
'Fair enough, 'you might not know when your number's up 'last meal, last fuck, last breath.
'So what? Why would you want to? 'Life's a journey, not a destination.
'Can't piss it away waiting for times to turn good.
'Eh, make your own good 'fight, fuck, frolic, imbibe, indulge and fuck some more.
' Oh, fuck, sorry! Terry! 'Love your fellow man.
'And most of all, my dear friends, cunts that you are 'be happy.
'For what else is there?' So you got any plans for the summer? Yeah, might head up to Knowsley Safari.
Y'know, bring a tent, sleep out.
Yeah? Can you do that? Not official, like, but if you keep one step ahead.
It's a fucking buzz, mate.
Extreme Camping.
Sneaking up on lions, making 'em shit themselves.
How 'bout yourself? Me and your mum are going to try for another baby.
I'm not too fussed about the getting pregnant but I'm looking forward to all the practice.
Oh, aye.
She's a proper generous lover, your mum.
But I'm happiest when I'm pleasing her, y'know.
Love that little sound she makes just before she's about to come, you know? Yeah? It's like a little mouse.
Eeek! Eeek-eeek! Eek-eek-eek! Eeeeeeeek!