Speechless (2016) s02e15 Episode Script

1 Oh, my poor baby.
You can't sleep, you haven't eaten for a week.
Do you want some lunch? I made my chicken soup.
Ever since Taylor left, food has no taste.
All the more reason to eat your mom's cooking.
Am I right? Fine, hit me, but add salt! Ray! This will cheer you up.
Taylor texted to say she's coming by in two minutes to pick up her sweatshirt.
Oh, God, she can't see me like this! So that did not cheer you up.
Huh.
Live and learn.
[GROANS.]
I got to go take a shower.
[GROANS.]
I'm too weak.
That's why you gotta eat the soup.
I got to hurry up.
"If only this family had experience showering somebody.
" Oh, he's right! Okay, well, today, it's Ray whose needs are special.
Let's do this.
Come on, guys! Let's go.
Come on.
[WATER GURGLES.]
Clothes! Why do we even have this?! Yeah, now he looks better, doesn't he? Yeah.
Still a bit pale, though.
I understand the blush, but does he really need eye shadow and lipstick? Yeah, you're probably right.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Shampoo suds! Uh [SMOOCHES.]
Hi, Ray.
You look good.
- Good game.
- Nice work out there.
Left it all out on the field.
Really nice.
Really nice.
- So, things are good? - So good.
I'm living la dolce vida.
Life is, um I'm just gonna say it A [BLEEP.]
blast.
Well, I'm really glad to hear that.
So, I'm here for my sweatshirt.
You sure you don't want to stay? I just caught a marlin.
Was gonna toss it on the grill, little lemon Uh, I'm good.
Thanks, though.
Nice seeing you.
So, that went smoothly, I'd say.
That was awful! She was so distant, so unfeeling.
What about our love, Taylor? Did it just wash away, like a dream made of sand? Oh.
That's good.
It's going straight in my song.
[SOBBING.]
Who put mascara on me? [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Wonderful work, Aaron.
Come on up.
Okay, who can give me some examples of non-linear storytelling that Aaron's film recalls? Yes, JJ.
T-A-R "Tarantino.
Early Christopher N-O Nolan.
" I just watched "Memento" last week! I-I also obviously borrowed from Kurosawa, with the changes of perspective.
Well, then we change to my perspective.
[SNORES.]
Kenneth, we all listened when you talked about "B.
J.
and the Bear" for 30 minutes.
"I also thought it was funny.
" [AS TOMMY DEVITO.]
Funny, like I'm a clown? - I amuse you? - [ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS.]
"No, Tommy, how you tell the story and E-V everything.
" Yes, we've all seen "Goodfellas.
" Like I'm here to make you laugh? Like I'm here to blankin' amuse you? I appreciate the not swearing, Aaron, but it is a long scene.
You're not gonna do the whole thing, are you? "Just, you know, how you tell the story.
What?" Ring! Oh! What do you know? Class is over.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
No, no.
I don't know.
You said it.
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
- How would I know? You said I'm funny.
Guys, that's the actual bell.
[AS GEORGE BAILEY.]
Teacher says, "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.
" "'It's a W-O Wonderful Life.
'" Not for me, it ain't.
Hey, did someone change the light bulb? Maya, we're supposed to talk about large purchases.
Oh, I had Kenneth do it.
It turns out he's really handy.
I don't know how I feel about that.
I might be more threatened than lazy.
- [GUITAR PLAYING.]
- Oh, my God.
Ray's expressing himself through song.
You're the unforgettable pain You're the sweetest kind of rain And my brain goes insane When the Taylor train rolls through my mainframe The only thing making this agony bearable is the art flowing out of me.
Darling, it's been a week.
All you do is write songs about her and stare at her phot [GROANS.]
Ray! You were supposed to take this to Locks of Love.
You got to forget about her.
Move on, darling.
And my mom wants me to move on She says my baby and her hair is gone Do not put me in a line with the hair.
It could be quite cute for parties, though.
DYLAN: Hey, Ray, can I borrow your guitar? - [CRASH, SOUR NOTES PLAY.]
- Thanks! No matter what Ray's guitar tells you, I was acting in self-defense.
JJ, your new film buddy, Aaron, texted.
He's asking if you want to go to the new Seth Rogen movie on Saturday.
He thinks it might "amuse you.
" [AS TOMMY DEVITO.]
What, like I'm a clown? No! "Tell him I can't go.
" Why not? [NORMAL VOICE.]
"One-on-one friend outings aren't my thing.
" It's easier in the house or at school, but going out into the world with a new friend makes for some anxiety for JJ.
"I become less a friend and more someone to take care of.
" So he'll deal.
You're worth it.
"They never stick around long enough to find out.
Something always goes W-R wrong.
It's all fun and games until there's dog poop on the wheelchair tire.
" Is that, like, a saying? "I wish.
" Well, maybe one of us could go with you.
"An adult there? That's not cool.
" You've seen this kid.
How cool do you have to be? What if you don't go with an adult? I'll come.
I'm the master of making things look easy.
I had a lisp until 5th grade, but no one ever noticed because I just pronounced my S's correctly when I said stuff out loud.
Kind of sounds like you didn't have a lisp.
[CHUCKLES.]
We can get there early and make sure our bases are covered.
I can do this.
Well You're the unforgettable pain What is that from? It's so good.
Good morning.
I disagree.
You've been in the house forever.
Let's go out, just the two of us, and have some fun.
Leave me alone.
Darling, I know this is the first time you've been dumped sorry, "broken up with" but it's the first time I've had to deal with a child who's been dumped.
Sorry, it just rolls off the tongue so much easier than "dumped" I mean, "broken up with.
" Come on.
Mummy will get you through it.
Let's go out together.
Don't wallow.
DiMeos don't wallow.
Were you looking for this? You took my wallow box! And you'll never see it again unless you come out with me.
Taylor's empty juice boxes? That is really weird.
Well-played, Mom.
Well-played.
- Gimme! - Jimmy, start the car! Don't worry, JJ.
I'll make sure everything's lined up for the smoothest day out ever.
Hi.
I'd like to file a complaint.
You just got here.
Doesn't matter.
This ain't our first rodeo.
Let me guess the handicapped stall's out of order, the wheelchair seating's been sold to people without wheelchairs, the lift's filled up with boxes, and your staff is patronizing and unhelpful.
- Yeah, that's all true.
- Okay, let's fix it.
Also, there aren't enough Chris Tucker movies.
Are you the one I talk to about that? Hi.
Oh, hello! Another successful Saturday at the dog park.
I got three numbers.
Pepper sealed the deal.
- He's fixed, right? - I dunno.
He's smart, too.
One morning with me, and he's learned all these tricks.
Pepper.
Dance.
[LAUGHS.]
Whoa! I want to try.
Pepper, dance! Dance, boy.
Every Pepper dance now.
Pepper, make me feel worthless.
Good boy! You stole my dog.
What do you mean? You took him, like you take everything.
You're training my dog, fixing my stuff.
Go get your own mediocre life! Whoa! What happened to easygoing, lazy Jimmy? Something, and he doesn't like it.
I see what's happening here.
You are finally eating the dust of my natural alpha-ness.
But we're gonna fix this.
You are gonna be the alpha, starting with that dog.
Ready to be the alpha, Jimmy? I'm not sure.
More confident! I'm not sure! [PANTING.]
All clear.
Won't be any surprises.
"Thanks.
I feel good about this.
" Dude.
JJ.
A girl.
I just found out that they're showing "Goodfellas" in 35-millimeter over at the Grand.
It's 10 blocks away.
I'm JJ's sister Dylan.
JJ really likes this theater.
Maybe we stay here.
Uh, we can watch a movie here anytime.
Come on.
What do you say? "Let's do it.
" Let's hit the road.
[AS DOC BROWN.]
Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.
[AS MARTY MCFLY.]
Wait, Doc, are you telling me you built a time machine out of a DeLorean? And we're sure this guy's worth it? MAYA: Ray, check me out! Look, I'm a mum of the future.
I'm tall, I'm fast, I'm getting a massage.
Oi! You, go to your room, or I'll zap you there.
That's a digital meat thermometer.
No one's saying it isn't.
Oh, come on, darling.
This is your favorite store.
There's got to be something here to make you happy.
[GASPS.]
What about this drone? Wait, really? You'd buy that for me? Well, I'd let you have it for a few days, then return it.
I mean, retail therapy, DiMeo style.
Haven't you always wanted one? I supposed I have droned on about it.
A terrible pun! Oh, poof! The old Ray is back.
Right.
Where to next? What's another activity that you love? Ooh, let's ask that guy in glasses.
Excuse me, nerd? How about we cruise over to the Woodside Mall? What, the fancy one across town with all the soap stores? Oof.
Your day.
Is this a bitcoin? "So, are we walking to the theater, or" L-Let's just take a car.
It's on me.
See? There's tons of cars in the area.
Okay.
Cool.
Just make sure it's an accessible car.
Here, just press this button.
[BUZZER.]
Whoa! W-What a weird thing to happen.
Usually, when you hit the "disability" button, more cars pop up.
Let's just walk.
Sorry, guys.
I know JJ doesn't want his kid sister tagging along.
It'll take a little longer to get around, but rest assured, it is all my fault.
Oh, do you need Sorry.
This is my Dumpster.
[STRAINING.]
I left it here.
[GRUNTS.]
Step 1 of being an alpha Eye contact.
I always feel like you're looking at my knees.
I just relate more to knees.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
Eyes up here! Good.
Now, on to posture.
Stand tall, like you're in charge.
Speak with authority.
Okay! Yeah.
Alright.
I'm liking it.
Give a command.
Pepper, roll over.
[DEEPER, SLOWER.]
Pepper, roll over.
You don't have to do it in slow motion.
Just say "roll over.
" Okay, I-I think I'm still coming across as the pack leader.
New plan.
- Debase me.
- What? Humiliate me while your dog watches.
It's the only way.
The only way? Shouldn't we think about this for, like, a minute? We're losing daylight! Ow! See? Isn't this better than crying into your box? Now, which store should we go to first? I was thinking I might window-shop on my own for a bit.
Aw.
Maya no come-y? - That okay? - Okay.
Well, I'll meet you in an hour by the fountain where Dylan steals change.
Oh.
Mom, I just wanted to say thanks.
You're the best.
[SIGHS.]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
Wait, the drone, the wallow box, showing me affection.
What have you got up your bony, little sleeve? We're, uh, spoiled in California.
You know, in New York, they wouldn't even think twice about walking eight blocks.
[AS RATSO RIZZO.]
Hey, I'm walkin' here! I'm walkin' here! [NORMAL VOICE.]
Oh, you can't get over that.
That's why you're not laughing at my "Midnight Cowboy.
" He can't, but that's not why.
Is it maybe easier to go around? "It's only a few inches off the curb.
Easy-peasy.
" Dude! That is, like, 5 inches.
Do you have a death wish? "If I die, tell Ray he's a dork.
" You know I will, buddy.
[SIGHS.]
Ray, you're a dork! Hey! You made it! "And now the part where the R-A Rain short-circuits my chair.
" Rain? - [THUNDER CRASHES.]
- Oh, boy.
What are you doing?! H-Hey! "Shawshank"! [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
Yeesh! Get a screening room, you two.
- Kenneth, off! - Oh! Anything you say, Alpha.
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYS.]
Now you may eat.
So alpha! Alright, now, really give it to me here.
Yeah.
Kenneth, get the paper now! Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Hi.
Yeah, this is just a It's too hard to explain.
Just give me the package.
[CHUCKLES.]
In my mouth, dummy.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
Taylor.
Ooh, you were using me.
God! RAY: You're the unforgettable pain - You're the sweetest kind of rain - Oh no! Uh, w-why are we waiting here? Can the wheelchair not get wet? Oh! No, this is all me.
I like standing under awnings.
They're romantic.
Now kiss me under this dumb thing! U-uh, w-we should probably get to t-to the movie.
Yeah, you guys go.
I-I'll go find some plastic bags to cover us.
I'll catch up with you guys later! Let's go! [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
What happened? Oh, no! Did it short? Let's just push it.
"It's too H-E-A Heavy to move.
" Let me try.
[GRUNTING.]
[AS INIGO MONTOYA.]
My name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my wheelchair.
[SLOW-MOTION.]
Prepare to die! [NORMAL VOICE.]
What was that? Oh! Uh Houston, we have a problem.
Uh "We're done.
Just go.
" No, no.
It's okay.
"It's not.
Go now.
" At least let me push you under the awning.
I "No.
Leave.
" You're the sweetest kind of rain And my brain goes insane [GRUNTS.]
[CLATTER, MUSIC STOPS.]
What the heck? Mummy to Ray.
Come in, Ray.
Over.
- Mom! What are you doing? - I'm trying to save you.
This drone is gonna embarrass you in front of Taylor and all these people, some of whom are your age and quite cute.
Excuse me.
Are you single? This is my son.
Class rank 6.
I don't want anyone else.
I want Taylor.
Well, this is for your own good.
Give me back my drone! See how fast he runs, ladies? [SIGHS.]
I love you, buddy, but this part's a drag.
You're gonna have to learn to walk.
I had that guy wrong.
He just rolled you in this and left? "After I told him to go.
" What? Why? "He was just putting up with me.
They all get sick of it.
" So you did this? You know, I can move all the Dumpsters out of your way, but I can't move you out of your own way.
It doesn't matter if the world is accessible if you're not.
"Fine.
I'll talk to him.
" Good for you! Go to him! Oh.
Right.
Yeah.
I'll get him and bring him here.
That makes more sense.
Mom, stop! You can't do that! I'm trying to protect you.
Taylor has moved on.
You have to be strong and move on, too.
I don't want to move on.
I want her to take me back.
Yeah, but we're DiMeos.
We don't beg.
We pretend we never cared in the first place and then we spread rumors that they breastfed 'til they were 21.
I must not be a DiMeo, then.
You and I are the most different people in this family - Maybe in the world.
- But, darling I want to beg for Taylor, and I don't want my mom to tell me my way is wrong and hers is right.
I want her to have my back Because she's my mom.
So you want blind loyalty? Well, then, we have more in common than you think.
Request granted.
- What do you need? - My guitar.
[SIGHING.]
As you wish.
Sit.
Sit! [HIGH-PITCHED.]
Okay, okay.
Hail Mary.
Berate me in front of the dog.
I'm not gonna berate you.
Talk lower, big boy, and make some stuff up.
I'll look ashamed.
Kenneth, you're bad.
You drink all our orange juice a-and steal all our pens.
You Oh! You use our Netflix so much that all our suggestions are aimed at you.
I don't want to watch "Broadchurch," Kenneth.
Well, you got to give it a chance.
It gets really good after the seventh episode.
You're in my house more than I am.
You always beat me to the good "That's what she saids.
" You spend all day, every day with my son.
Now if I want to find out what kind of day he had, I have to ask Kenneth! Forget the dog.
Give me back my kid, man.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
That's what this is? Jimmy, JJ's your guy Always will be.
But if you feel for a second that I'm in the way, I'll I'll be more sensitive to it and back the hell off.
I promise you.
Thanks.
[LAUGHS.]
Look! He sat! [LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHING.]
Hey! [DYLAN PANTING.]
Aaron, JJ has something he wants to tell you.
"Look, today didn't go exactly how I W wanted it.
" Yeah, yeah, I get it.
Heard it a thousand times.
Okay, you put it up with it as long as you could, but now you're tired of me and my constant movie references.
I'm a burden, hard to be around.
Like John Candy in "Planes, Trains & Automobiles.
" Oh! I'm doing it again! Ohh! "I can't relate, but I can see how you might have that problem.
I think I owe you another shot.
" [LAUGHING.]
Yeah? Uh okay, then wait right here.
I think I saw something up there that might help.
[AS THE TERMINATOR.]
I'll be back.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Last one.
["CHARIOTS OF FIRE" THEME PLAYS.]
[AS BUZZ LIGHTYEAR.]
To infinity and beyond! [NORMAL VOICE.]
Last one.
We did it! [AS SAMWISE GAMGEE.]
Mr.
Frodo, I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you! [GRUNTS.]
Ray? Taylor, I know you must feel so hurt and angry.
I was a jerk.
I let a girl kiss me.
I was wrong.
You're the kindest, most gentle person I've ever known, and if given the chance, I swear I will do better.
I hope you can forgive me.
I wrote this one for you.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[SOUR NOTES PLAY.]
When I asked for space, you said, "Let's stay friends.
" I asked, "Are you sure you'll be okay with that?" You said, "Sure I'll be okay.
" Coming to my work and causing a scene is not "okay.
" Not trusting me is not "okay.
" Kissing another girl Definitely not "okay.
" Your meddling mom Not okay.
I like it.
Yes, I'll take th Taylor! Ha! Goodness.
Ray! [LAUGHING.]
Hey, dude! - Okay, well - I'm not done.
Keeping my hair So not okay.
Well, I got you this flower Yeah, no, I don't like that tree at all, actually.
We're gonna take our business elsewhere.
Sorry.
Thank you so much.
God, I've never seen sweet, gentle Taylor so mad before.
- I know.
It was great! - How do you figure? I wanted to see some emotion from her, and I did.
She still feels something.
I've got a chance.
So my agreeing to let you do it your way worked.
Mom she hates me! Yay! [GRUNTS.]
[SIGHS.]
[APPLAUSE.]
These are great credits.
[CLOSING THEME PLAYS.]
"Sorry we missed the movie.
" Are you kidding? I feel like I was just in a movie.
That was crazy fun.
What are we doing next weekend? "I think this is the B-E Beginning of a [LAUGHING.]
beautiful friendship.
"