Sullivan and Son (2012) s01e02 Episode Script

All right, guys.
Usual game.
10 bucks.
Guess the exact time.
Oh, I love this game.
It's so much better than "eat it and keep it down.
" Personally, I'm a fan of "raisin or not a raisin.
" - Me, too.
- Yeah.
One time, I lost "raisin or not a raisin" but then I won "eat it and keep it down.
" I'm guessing 2:45.
I'm saying 3:00.
Then I'm saying 3:01.
Wait, no one said it was "Price is Right" rules.
We always play "Price is Right" rules.
Guys, the clock is ticking.
This is killing my guess.
Steve, time, please? It's 2:48.
Yes! Ah! How can you guys all be here at 2:48 on a Tuesday? I don't have a job.
I can be anywhere at 2:48.
I'm supposed to be towing a guy who broke down on 79, but he's not going anywhere.
And I work at Steel City Home Video.
Nobody's going there at 2:48, Thanks, Internet.
Steve, I need a drink.
I just got back from an ambulance call on 79.
I guess while a guy was waiting for a tow truck, he was plowed into by a semi.
There was nothing left of him to put on the stretcher -- just pink mist.
What? I told him to wait in the car! Boy, it really makes you think.
So, raisin or not a raisin? Yes, sir.
Let's do it.
All right.
Da, da da da, da da da, da, da da da, da da da, da da da da da da, da da da, da da da da da, da da da, da da da, hey! Psst, Hank.
Check it out.
I need you to be my wingman.
You're my brother.
and you want to die happy, knowing your sister got some.
I can play that.
Which one are you going for? The one in the collar.
Carol, he's a priest.
I like a challenge.
Hey, kid, about this morning in the bathroom, while you were gone, I got kind of used to using your tub.
Sorry about the back hair.
That was back hair? I thought you were shampooing a small pony.
Your mother likes me smooth.
And I like to not know what my mother likes.
So, get this.
Today I walk into bathroom on side of the house -- a house that I now own -- and in my tub, my dad is reenacting the battle of Midway.
How do you know it was the battle of Midway? Well, the flag was at half-mast.
A man in his 30s, living with his parents, sharing a tub with his dad How's that profile working for you on match.
com? No hits yet.
Steve! How many times I tell you? $100 bills go under the tray.
You need to hide your money so no one can see it.
Like your emotions? Exactly.
If dad in the tub doesn't get the ladies, maybe scary, overbearing mom will.
The whole thing's out of control.
I just need to sit them both down and set some ground rules.
Let me know hthat goes.
I thought I'd hate having you home, but it's kind of fun watching mom take a dump on you every day.
You get some of the dumps she used to take on me.
Susan, put your hair back the other way.
You're showing too much face.
This is better for you? Are you kidding me? That was like a hug.
Hi, I'm the health inspector.
Is Ok Cha here? Oh, you can talk to me.
I'm Steve Sullivan.
I own the place now.
Oh.
Well, she bring you up to speed on our little understanding? What understanding? Jimbo! How's the ballroom dancing coming? I ribboned last week.
Oh! You see? An understanding.
Yes, an understanding.
He understand, I understand, we understand.
Understand? Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Mom, you and I need to talk.
Jimbo, go inspect.
- Seriously? - Yes.
Mom, just because you're an immigrant the guy thinks he can shake you down? No, it was my idea to pay him.
He was scared at first.
- Jack, tell your son.
- Tell him what? You need to pay off the health inspector.
Oh, you've got to pay off the health inspector.
But if you do that, he owns you.
That's a good point.
And then again, maybe it's not.
But it could -- Hey, look! Straws! Hey! Mom, I know how to run a bar.
I've been working here since I was 10.
You don't know how to run a bar.
- Well, it's my decision.
- Yeah, well, it's a stupid decision.
If you don't pay them off, these health inspectors, they always find one little, pissy thing.
Hey, I found one little, pissy thing.
Hand-washing instructions need to be in more than one language.
Well, they're in English and Spanish.
Yeah, but this neighborhood is now 9% vietnamese.
So all the instructions need to be trilingual.
Why? People don't know how to wash their hands? They turn on the water, get all lathered up, and stand there and say, "now what?" I'd be lost without those signs.
This is a violation of code 53a-4.
I'll be filing a report with the city.
Now you and I have our own little understanding.
What's going on? A little trouble with the health department.
Oh, Steve.
You just have to notify your past partners.
No, it's not that.
No, just bcc 'em.
I got an e-mail tree.
What's this? You're shut down for one week.
For hand-washing instructions? - That's right.
- This is a joke.
When I was a kid, we had rats in here and roaches.
We had guys spraying pesticide all over the place, and we still didn't shut down.
Although, maybe we should have probably told people to put their hands over their drinks.
Aw, come on.
People say those chemicals cause brain damage.
But that's just B.
S.
They're totally safe.
Aw, come on.
People say those chemicals can cause brain damage, that's just a bunch of B.
S.
They're totally safe.
Aw, come on -- where was I? When your father and I ran this bar, we never closed, not one day.
Not even the day you were born.
My water broke over there.
I served drinks until you crowned.
Hey, Steve.
We got a call that you're shut down.
Sorry, we're gonna have to clear the place out.
Oh, come on, Mike.
Just give me a little time to work things out.
Now don't start with me.
It's been a rough day.
We saw this terrible accident on the 79.
There was a guy, and then there was no guy.
It makes you wonder -- where the hell was that tow-truck guy? All right, people.
Let's go.
Move out.
It's okay, everybody.
It just looks like the bar will be closed for just a few days.
Where are we supposed to go? Home, I guess.
Do I have a home? I can't go home.
Home's where my wife is.
She's a beautiful woman, but if you stare at her long enough, her hair turns to snakes.
It seems like there's something going on, and I'm not understanding it.
It's like when I watch "American idol.
" Why are they singing? Why are they getting kicked off? - Owen, the bar is closed.
- Closed? Where am I gonna go? What am I gonna do? I'm tall and scared.
- It's okay, sweetheart.
- No, it's not, mom.
There's nothing for me out there.
Don't worry, honey.
I'll cook you dinner tonight.
What kind of hot pocket you want, huh? Pepperoni? Sausage? You name it.
And then we can watch a little animal planet, and then mommy's got a date.
Who with? Mommy doesn't know yet.
Congratulations, Steve.
When you run the bar, there are no customers.
Interesting business model.
Mom, whether you like it or not, it's my bar.
I'm running it.
Yeah -- into the ground.
You know how much money you lose every day you shut down? I'll deal with it.
It'd be a lot easier to do that if you weren't up my ass.
Up your ass? Or maybe you'd like it if I was entirely out of your ass! This just dawn on you? That's it.
We're moving out.
Susan, bring the car around.
What? We're moving out of Steve's ass and into yours.
What?! No! You hate my hair.
I don't know how to drive.
You hate my cooking.
I'm a bad mother.
Yes to all those things.
But now have plenty of time to work on you.
I don't want you to move out.
Dad, talk to her.
Shh! Sometimes if I stay really, really still, she doesn't notice me.
- Jack! - Doesn't always work.
- Get our things.
- Yes, dear.
Call me when you want me to fix this.
Don't wait by the phone.
Oh, you will call.
With a little bitch tone in your voice.
Wow.
Mom, you are kind of not a nice person.
This just dawn on you? Hank? Huh?! Yeah? What are you doing here? I don't know.
How'd you get in here? I don't know.
Listen, you got to go home.
Fine.
If I have to leave, so does Doug.
Doug? Please don't make me go back, okay? For the past three nights, I had to help my kids with their homework.
With their homework.
Isn't that a good thing? Yeah, I thought so, but you know what I realized? I don't know anything.
What the hell is dew point? It's the temperature at which it starts to rain.
Oh, God.
I thought it was a state capital.
Guys, guys.
Go.
Go.
Go.
If I get busted, we'd be shut down a lot longer than a week.
Hey, we're closed! Hey, you were never closed when your mother ran it! Hey! Hey! Hey! You guys are all here? Where are we supposed to go? How about home? Doug, get your hand out of the drum of olives.
They're good when you smush 'em together.
Listen, you guys got to go home.
Steve, please let us stay.
I can't hang out at Starbucks anymore.
You need a key to the bathroom, and the stalls don't have doors.
I mean, don't mind, but the guys get nervous.
You've got to let us stay, Steve.
The last three nights, all I've done is talk to my wife.
- What's wrong with that? - She died in 1997.
- What's this for? - For the beers, man.
Cool.
Thanks.
You know what, Doug.
Let me get you a bowl for those olives.
Can I get anybody else anything? Yeah, I'll have another.
Coming right up.
You know what, guys? We are back in business.
- Hey, where's Owen? - He's here.
No, he's not.
Well, check behind the hot-water heater.
He likes to hide there.
Actually, I haven't seen him in four days.
Oh, he's off the grid.
That's not good.
Oh, my God.
He could be lying dead in a ditch somewhere.
Please.
He's white.
That'd be all over the news.
Hey, ho! Oh, whoa.
I was just walking back from my accounting class, and I thought I saw a light.
Accounting class? Yeah, my manager at the bank recommended it.
They're paying for it.
You got a job at the bank? Yeah, I met the manager at my thai cooking class.
It's weird.
Suddenly, I feel like I have so much more time to do things.
- How about a beer? - No, thank you, Steven.
I'm running a half-marathon on Saturday.
So, what have you guys been up to? Anyone else making their own shoes? - Hey, can I get you another one, Doug? - Absolutely.
See what I'm doing here? Drinking beer.
See what I'm not doing? Helping my kid with his homework.
That's one of us.
Hey, Javier.
Come on in.
Hey.
Sorry there's so many people in here.
Hey, it's less crowded than my apartment.
Wow.
Check this place out.
Yeah, we're going underground for a couple days.
How are things with mom? You know what? She and I are in a good place.
Yeah, it was a little rough at the start.
She was at me all the time.
Apparently, I hold a fork wrong.
But then I made a little breakthrough.
I'm not gonna take things so seriously.
Mom's mom, I'm me, and tomorrow morning, there'll one less Korean in Pittsburgh.
Whoa! Wow, this really is like my apartment.
Susan, put the gun down.
I am going to kill her, Steve.
I'm seeing an Asian girl with a gun.
Is that turning anybody else on? I knew it.
Susan, I told you, they haven't made bullets for this weapon since 1911.
I know they don't make the bullets, dad.
I just thought I could pistol-whip her.
Dad, what is going on over there? Your mother and your sister, then the kids.
Susan, I love them, but every morning I wake up with them jumping on my balls.
I mean, does my nut sack look like a trampoline to you? Dad, based on what I saw in the tub, I don't even know how you walk.
Please, Steve, I need my life back.
I can't, dad.
She's wrong, and I'm right.
I know you're right.
Your sister knows you're right.
Everyone here knows you're right.
Now go to your mother, and tell her you're wrong.
I am not wrong.
I stood up to a bully.
When this week is over, we'll never have to pay that guy again.
Plus, I'm making money.
She should be apologizing to me.
What house did you grow up in? She's never gonna back down.
She's Korean.
Why am I explaining this to you? Half of you should understand this.
Oh, my God.
Is this stuff drinkable? Put that down, Doug! - Just fix it.
- Fix it, Steve! You're both so damn stubborn.
I'm not being stubborn.
The minute I give in to her, she gets all the control.
I got news for you, son.
She already has all the control.
And when she's done with this world, she will control the next, whichever world that is.
Probably hell, because she'll want to be reunited with her family.
Here's your change.
Please exit through the alley.
You know, as much as I like this setup, it's weird without the tv.
You know, somehow that provided a context.
Without it, it's just drinking, and that makes it sad.
Real, but sad.
- Can I get another one? - Yeah.
Hey, ho! Great to see you all.
Listen, I built a sailboat in my garage out of one of those trees that was struck by lightning, and the varnish is dry.
I was thinking we'd all go for a sail at first light.
Dude, who are you? Let me answer that in the tongue of your forefathers.
Since when do you speak arabic? Rosetta stone.
How are you getting so much done? I've trained myself to need only three hours of sleep.
Just took a nap.
Hey, Steve.
You want some live entertainment? - Like what? - Cockfighting! Are you crazy? Get those things out of here.
We're breaking enough laws tonight.
Hey, what's one more? Come on.
Open the cage.
We'll call them "Ok Cha" and "Steve.
" Hey, what's going on? Cockfighting! Oh, the kind with the birds.
Steve.
Cops outside.
Oh, I'll go get rid of them.
Guys, keep it down.
All right, Steve.
What's going on here? We're noticing a lot of foot traffic for a closed joint.
Well, no traffic here.
As you can see, we are shut down.
That's the cleaning lady.
Oh, she found some change.
What's going on here, huh? What -- Yeah, Steve.
We got a serious problem here.
Come on, Mike.
Give me a break.
I'll get rid of these guys.
It's not just the illegal drinking.
It's the cockfighting.
Excuse me, officer? I promise we'll eat them when they're done.
I'm sorry, Steve.
I can't look the other way on this.
Mike, isn't there some way we can settle this? I knew you'd call me eventually, Steve, but I didn't think it'd be on this kind of phone.
Neither did I, mom.
I was thinking maybe now you'd see I was right.
Yeah, I still don't see that.
Then maybe I don't pay your bail.
Fine by me.
I'll do two years -- at most.
I almost believe you.
It was nice seeing you.
Guard, I'm done here.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wait.
We're talking here.
We're having conversation.
Don't be so hothead.
Your father tells me you ran a speakeasy, made a lot of money.
Yes, I did.
Sodid you get a vig on the cockfight? No, that just brought 'em in.
Good thinking.
I also got the health inspector off our back.
Well, then I guess I'm a worthless old Korean lady.
You probably want to tie a rock to my feet and push me off the boat.
Why would I do that? That's what we do.
Mom, I love having you at the bar, I-I love being home, but I'd just like my bathtub to myself.
I'd like to arrange the bills in the cash register the way I want to.
There's no way I'm keeping your father out of your bathtub.
Half of you should understand that.
- So, are you saying you were wrong? - No.
- You saying you were wrong? - No.
Well, I'm glad we've come to an understanding.
I'll take care of your bail.
Thank you.
Boy, I'm glad this is over.
It was crazy with your sister.
Yeah, I heard.
You know, she came to the bar looking for dad's gun.
Oh, please.
Like I haven't had a gun to my head before.
- Wow.
Finally you're open.
- Yep, fully up to code.
If you're vietnamese and don't know how to wash your hands, have we got a bathroom for you.
How was your week off? Well, there was some gun play, some cockfighting.
I went to prison.
The cockfighting was not in prison.
Well, I saw the weirdest thing -- Owen, in a suit, working at the bank.
Yeah.
You know, with this bar closed, I think he discovered a whole world of possibilities out there.
He's like a changed man.
I told you I could fit the entire bowl of peanuts in my mouth.
I guess I owe you a beer.
Man, it's great to be back.
I'm never leaving this place again.
Except, of course, for your job at the bank.
What job? Oh, yeah.
I'm sure they fired me by now.
Hey, sleeper cell.
English only, huh? Yeah.
It sounds like you're gonna hawk a loogie.
I asked you to do that peanut thing.
Did you forget your arabic? Dude, arabic is hard.
I figured I'd just crush at English.
Hey, I'll do the peanut thing again for 10 bucks, but this time, I'll sing Meat Loaf's "I'll do anything for love.
" I'm down.
And he's back.
Hello.
Steel Town Towing.
Oh, thank God! I -- I'm so sorry! I'll be right there! Remember the guy who died on 79? The one everybody thought I stranded? Not my guy.
My guy's still waiting.
All right.
Man, what a relief.
The guilt was really weighing on me.
Can I get a beer? - What about the guy? - He's not going anywhere.