Teen Titans Go (2013) Episode Scripts

N/A - Oregon Trail

1 "Oregon Trail" [OPENING THEME PLAYING] [MUSIC] Someone turn up the AC or I'll sweat on you.
I will.
I'll sweat on you.
Walking all the way over there is going to take forever, yo.
Do we not have the remote controller? The thing's manual.
Got to use your manuals.
I ain't using my manuals for nothing.
Then are we to be forever trapped in this suffering? No, no, I can't take it.
Someone help.
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Someone please! Just help! A cry for help.
Where's the danger? - All around us, bro.
- And it is the sticky.
Are you talking about the heat? Just turn on the AC.
[CRYING AND COMPLAINING INDISTINTCLY] surmountable distance from here.
Is this what modern life has done to you? Made you soft? Not long ago, we didn't have all these modern conveniences.
[MUSIC] Every day was a hardship, but it made people strong and self-reliant.
In fact, I think a road trip is in order.
A road trip? That sounds fun.
Well, it's not.
This road trip will be educational! In order to teach you self-reliance in an environment without modern conveniences, I brought you to the very same trail old timey pioneers once braved to make a new life for themselves.
- Welcome to the Oregon Trail! - So, we're in Oregon? Not yet.
It's only 2,000 miles that way.
Are you crazy? That's going to take us days.
Meet you guys there.
[YELPS] - It won't take a couple of days.
- ALL: Phew.
It'll take several months as the rugged pioneers didn't have cars or magic portals.
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] - is to fritter away, Robin! - I love the enthusiasm, Titans! This is the trading post where our educational adventure begins.
Would you like the look around? Y or N? Robin, what is this Y or N? Y or N! Y means yes, N means no.
- Then why not just say yes or no? - Because it's faster this way.
Yes and no are like the shortest words already.
And now they're even shorter.
Look around, Y or N? ALL: N.
So you don't want to look around this historic trading post? The place where a carpenter from Ohio, or a farmer from Illinois might start their journey? ALL: N.
Fine.
Just get in the wagon.
[MOOS] Oh, adorable! [KISSING] I will name you Hug-head, and you will sleep in the room of the bed with me.
Don't get attached.
We will probably eat Hug-head when the going gets tough.
- Oh, I see.
- Now, let's hit the road.
- I'm not riding in that.
- Yes, you are.
- I call shot gun! - Good idea, Beast Boy.
We don't know what dangers the trail will hold.
ROBIN: Yee-haw! [SIGHS] So far, so good, Titans.
The weather is warm, our pace is steady, and we are in good health.
[GAGS AND GROANS] [VOMITS] Uh, mostly good.
I thought that this was supposed to be educational.
So far our trip has been the boring, the monotonous, and repetitive.
You've perfectly summed up the Oregon Trail! - Looks like someone has been learning.
- I'm done learning.
Let's go home and play some fun video games, yo.
[THUMPING] [YELPS] [GROANS] [WHEELS SCREECHING] Beast Boy! [GROANS] Beast Boy fell under the wagon and has broken his leg.
Would you like to, one, continue on the trail? Why would we want to continue on the trail? - We got to fix Beast Boy's - Let me finish! Two, check supplies? Three, look at a map? [BEAST BOY YELPS] - [CRYING] My leg! - He needs the medical assistance.
Four, change pace? Five, change rations? We don't need any of these numbered options.
- We need an ambulance! - The pioneers had no ambulances.
All they had were seven numbered options! So deal with it! Now, where was I? Right.
Six, stop to rest? - Seven - Six, let's just do six! You have chosen to stop and rest.
Y or N? ALL: [SCREAMING] Y.
[RATTLING] You will feel the slighest of the pressures.
[SCREAMS] - All the betters.
- [SIGHS] Thank you, Star.
History is really coming to life for Beast Boy.
Would you like to share what you've learned so far? [CRYING] I want to go home.
Wonderful.
Well, we've lost enough time.
Let's, one, continue on the trail.
Dude, I need to rest.
[WHIMPERS] - I'm sorry.
Excuse me? - Rest.
That's not what a pioneer would call it.
[FROGS RIBBITING] Oh, I want to six.
Can I six please? Sorry, I have already oned.
And, if we get caught in the snows of winter, we may not make it at all.
Weather is cold.
Health? [ALL SHIVERING] Is fair.
Pace? Is steady.
This is the worst experience of my life.
That's great to hear, Cyborg.
Sounds like you really put yourself in the shoes of the pioneers.
Oh, by the way.
A thief has stolen your shoe.
- Oh, man.
I'm going to get blisters.
- We're hungry, Robin.
Yes.
Hug-head is beginning to look the delicious.
[MOOING] Let's four, check supplies.
Hmm, we are out of rations.
Then let us eat the delicious Hug-head! Not yet.
We need him to pull the cart.
Very well.
You are the safe for now, Hug-head.
Soon [SLURPING] Titans, when you run out of food, there is only one option.
Order pizza.
[BEEPS] No pizza! We are going hunting.
[COCKS GUN] [POPS] Here, shoot one of those buffalo.
No way, bro.
I ain't going to hurt no buffaloes.
- I'm a vegetarian, dude.
- This is the Oregon Trail.
You either eat meat or die.
If everybody just eats their greens, my buffalo - buddies don't need to get hurt.
- Give me that! ROBIN: Shoot, shoot, shoot, ha-ha-ha-ha.
I see you hiding behind that rock, buffalo! Come on, get some.
[LAUGHS] Squirrel, where you going to go, huh? Deer! Say hello to my little friend, huh? Rabbits, ah, shake a tail! [LAUGHS] Whoo! Shake a tail.
Squirrel.
That bush won't save you.
[GROANS] STARFIRE: [GASPS] That is enough food for the remainder of the trip.
Too bad we can only carry 100 pounds back to the cart.
- Then why did you shoot so many? - Because it's the only fun part of this incredibly boring but educational journey.
- Mmm, mmm.
- Delicious.
I'm loving this buffalo flavor.
Titans, I have some bad news and some bad news.
First, the bad news.
Beast Boy was bitten by a rattle snake.
I was? [SCREAMS] I can't feel my hand.
It's swelling so bad.
Now for the bad news.
Beast Boy has dysentery.
- What's that? - That's where you poop till you croak.
Uh-oh.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! While Beast Boy is pooping himself, would anyone like to look around? Y, N? Should we not help him? Oh, sorry, that's not an option on the numbered list.
[BEAST BOY GROANS] Beast Boy has died.
You did not say people would die.
Well, that's what happens on the Oregon Trail.
It's super boring, you hunt a little, and then everybody in your party dies a horrible death.
- What about learning? - Oh, you learn you're going to die.
Oh, I can't believe my boy, Beastie just passed on! That's right, I did! - [GASPS] You're a ghost.
- Oh, are you, um, okay? Dude, I feel great.
Check it.
Ooh, ah, ah, ooh.
Ah, man.
I wish I was a ghost.
Just get yourself some dysentery, girl! My homies are not happy with you, by the way.
[GROWLING] It is winter.
Our pace is slow.
Health is [ALL SHIVERING] [COUGHS] - Poor.
- It can't get any worse, right? Starfire has died.
Not Starfire! [SHATTERS] [HIP- HOP MUSIC PLAYING] - Lucky.
- Ignore the ghosts.
Just think of all your learning about the hardships - of the pioneers.
- Yo.
When you'se a ghost, you don't need to learn nothing no more! [LAUGHS] Well, Raven got the measles, and up and died And Cyborg boy He cried and cried Till he caught a cold And he was dead [STOMACH RUMBLING] With no food around, I ate Hug-head For three long weeks He kept me fed Boy, life ain't easy on the Oregon Trail I'll tell you Life ain't easy on the Oregon Trail [SHIVERING] [GHOSTS LAUGHING] I'm learning so much.
[PANTING HEAVILY] I made it to the Dalles river.
Would I like to look around? Y or N? You bet, Y! [BIRDS CAWING] Ah, majestic.
It was all worth it.
How's looking around going, bro? [SLURPING] Great! Now all I have to do is float this cart across the river, and I'll be in Oregon! Besides hunting, this is the only fun part of the Oregon Trail.
RAVEN: More fun than our ghost yacht? [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] Whoo, look at all these ghost babes! [LAUGHS] Just give it up, dude.
This yachts booming.
Come on board! ROBIN: Never! I will ride this trail to the very end.
And there's nothing you can do to stop me.
[MUSIC CONTINUES] Phew, looks like it's all smooth sailing from here.
[SCREAMS] [SPLASH] [GROANS] [COUGHING] [WHEEZING] Congratulations.
I've made it to Oregon.
Good job, bro.
Can you tell us what you learned from your boring journey? That Robin has dysentery.
[STOMACH RUMBLING]