That '80s Show (2002) s01e04 Episode Script

Corey's Remix

1 Ah, keep moving, small stuff.
This seat's taken.
I got a good feeling about tonight.
Yeah, that stool's about to grab some ass.
You feeling lucky tonight, Roger? Oh, yeah.
Chicks love the smell of success.
And Roger stinks of it.
Why do we always have to go to Sophia's club? It's not her club.
It's our club.
You have to get over her and get back on the horse.
Speaking of horses, you remember that girl you picked up here last month? Oh, shut up.
What's her name? [WHINNYING.]
Winnie! [BOTH LAUGH.]
Corey! Katie! What are you doing here? No one comes here on wednesday.
I mean, look around.
Even the bartender's unattractive.
Sophia, I'm right here.
Now, tomorrow night, this place will be jammed.
"Animal print Night.
" Cool.
All right! I have zebra pants.
The D.
J.
Is a close friend of mine, and I am helping him throw  the party.
Oh, if Sophia's in charge, maybe she can play some of your music? You know, I'd love to, but then no one would dance, and this is a dance club, not a "Sit and question life" Club.
Thank you.
My music doesn't need mass approval.
And believe me, if I wanted my music playing here, it would be playing here.
That's sweet, and a tiny bit misguided.
I can put you on my comp list.
It might get you in the V.
I.
P.
Room.
There's a V.
I.
P.
Room? Uhno.
I'll get you in.
Can I bring my brother? He's right here.
Thanks.
I don't need to be in the V.
I.
P.
Room with the beautiful people with their colorful clothes.
And that's why we broke up.
That, and the fact that you can't accessorize worth squat.
Oh, but Katie can, and that's why you're dating my sister.
Finally it makes sense.
We are not dating.
It's more like harassment.
Your mouth is tremendous.
Ok inappropriate.
[IMITATING SOPHIA.]
This is a dance club, not a "Sit and question life" Club.
You know, someday Everybody's gonna hear my music.
I mean, what did I ever see in Sophia? Well, ok, she's beautiful.
It's sad.
You'll never get a girl like her again.
You gotta let it go, man.
[LAUGHS.]
Remember when we went out for track and we didn't make it? Uh I remember I made it, and you didn't.
And we got over that.
Ok, less talk, more of today's great hits.
  [Come on Eileen BY DEXY'S MIDNIGHT RUNNERS PLAYS.]
COME ON EILEEN toora LOORA TOORA LOO Rye aye ♪ and we can sing just like our fathers ♪ Chick song.
Chick song.
Come on Eileen Oh, I swear what he means at this moment you mean everything [PIANO PLAYING.]
COREY: I'm left here with these promises you never meant to keep I got over you somehow now that I know what love is about morning, daddy.
Honey, what the hell is he doing in there? You know.
It's Corey.
He's recording.
What does he do with these songs? He doesn't sell them.
He doesn't play them for anyone.
God knows I don't want to hear them.
He's building his body of work, and we need to be supportive.
So you think he's gonna make it as a musician? Absolutely.
Once he lets people hear his music.
I think he's afraid, 'cause his songs are so thoughtful and complicated and unmarketable.
But that doesn't mean they're not good.
He's his own worst critic.
Ah.
Second-worst.
Shut the door and turn on the blender.
Corey: I'll get over you somehow but now I know what love is about rt, if I'm gonna pay rent for the apartment above the garage, "Depressed mode" Out there has to shut up.
You know, I might be crazy, but it sounds like you're sassing me.
I'm sorry, but I live a full life.
I party way too hard not to get my 4 hours of primo sleep.
Plus, my sales suck and my boss wants to see to me today.
I'm a little tense.
Oh, don't be shy around your boss.
A kid from the loading dock barges into my office with an idea.
Now, I sell everything in 2 WORDS: Gut whacker, Butt worker.
So he says, "Make it one word.
Gutwhacker.
Buttworker.
" Crazy kid! Oh, man, I totally nailed this song.
I mean, I really hit it out of the park.
I was up all night with it.
Yeah, we all were.
What's it about? Oh, it's about depression, pain, angst-- ooh, fruity pebbles.
Can I hear it? Well, it's not really that kind of song.
It's not the kind of song for people to hear? What, is it for dogs? Well, nobody's tapping that market.
Is it about Sophia? No.
I told you, I'm over her.
Good.
Glad to hear it.
You don't want to be dating a bisexual.
Unless you want to wake up some morning and find yourself in bed with 2 ladies.
Ok, I'm trying to enjoy my frankenberries.
Say, didn't you go out with that punk girl from work? You know, what's-her-name spiky Magoo? Tuesday? Yeah.
No, we didn't go out.
We just had coffee.
Ohh.
Ohh, what? You're in.
What exactly did you say? Well, I said "Do you wanna go get coffee?" And she says she was going to get coffee anyway, so whatever.
Ahh.
Ahh, what? You say "Coffee," and she says "Whatever.
" Meaning whatever.
You're a musician.
She likes music.
You're older.
Whatever.
You're in.
Oh, please, it was just coffee.
Yeah, so a bunch of us are going to club Berlin tonight, and I thought if you wanted to come with us-- hey.
It was just coffee.
Back off.
Yeah, I know it was just coffee.
Then why are you hitting on me? Look, uh I'm a musician I-I'm not you know, I'm a little older, I'm a musician.
Whatever.
Where can I find Duran Duran? K-mart.
All right, now you're loitering.
Split or I call the man, bub.
Musician Yeah, right.
You know, you should hear some of Corey's music.
It was just coffee! I had coffee with George thorogood once.
  Big mistake.
He's not supposed to be stimulated.
Long story short-- restraining order.
For you or him? You're way out of your league, rookie.
Oh you know, maybe instead of the club, we could fly kites or ride Bikes and then have a picnic.
Yeah, all right! All right, I get it, ok? It was just coffee.
You know, it didn't mean anything to me either.
Well, glad it didn't.
Well, no one's gladder than me, spiky magoo! Spiky magoo? What, did you pick that one up from your dad? Oh, god, you did.
I got over you somehow now I know what love is about [SPEEDS UP DRUM MACHINE.]
[CHANGES DRUM BEAT.]
[VAMPS ON KEYBOARD.]
now, that's catchy and radio friendly.
[BLOWS WHISTLE.]
[BLOWS WHISTLE.]
So, boss I guess I feel I speak for both of us when I say we have the same concern, which is, "Are we doing enough To help Roger Sell cars?" and Roger doesn't think so.
You know, there's no "U" in failure.
Yes, there is.
Ok, well, at any rate-- [CLEARS THROAT.]
what do we do? Hmm? I know you're stumped, but let me put it to you in one sweet word.
Ready? Cardealership.
See? One word.
I don't know what you're talking-- ok, ahem.
You know how we're "Zale's pontiac Mazda"? Yeah.
Listen to this zalespontiacmazda.
Rolls right off the tongue.
Zalespontiacmazda.
People say, "Wait a minute, what's that about?" you're fired, Roger.
What? You'refiredroger.
But--but--I'm just a crazy kid with a good idea.
You'refiredroger! Ok, maybe I didn't explain this right.
One word: You'refiredroger.
Ha ha ha! So you write music, huh? Hey, it was just coffee.
Stop bothering me! In your dreams! In your hair! In my hair? What the hell does that mean? I don't know.
God! God! Ok, Margaret, what are we gonna do about Tuesday? I don't know, Corey, sleep with her? Oh, come on, it'll be fun.
Let's go.
No, it won't be fun.
Roger lost his job.
So? Leave Roger here.
Roger's a big boy.
Which one's Roger? Ok, ok! Par-tay, par-tay! Uh-huh, uh-huh what? Didn't you just lose your job? This is an opportunity, not an anti-portunity.
That's not a word.
I just said it, so it's a word.
Ha ha ha.
Now, come on! Let's go.
These pants look great, but they're riding up on me already.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
Can I have a gin and something pink, Please? Uh, Roger, are you ok? [HOARSE VOICE.]
Yeah, never better.
Hey, it's a jungle in here.
[LAUGHS.]
Get it? No.
I'll be right back.
Ok, then, 3 more.
Hey, Roger, you really think doing All those shots is gonna make you forget you got fired? I got fired? [TELEPHONE RINGS.]
Hey, my portable Phone's ringing! Hello? Yeah, hello.
Look what I got.
Is this crazy, or what? Oh, my god! You got one, too! Yeah.
Yeah.
The connection's great, and it's only 8 bucks a minute.
Hi! You see that girl in the tube top over there? She sent you this drink.
My sister? No, the other tube top.
That's a man.
Ok.
I'm busted.
It's from me.
Oh, well, thank you-- [NEEDLE SCRATCHES.]
oops! [GLASS BREAKS.]
That moves.
Hey, you guys! Listen! Get ready for a surprise.
[SONG STARTS.]
Now I know what love is All about what is this? It's techno, it's poppy, my voice my voice.
That's my song.
Katie! Uh-oh.
You like Corey, don't you? He's ok.
You like him more than me? I'm not one to play favorites.
Yeah, I do.
Corey's whole Bourgeois-bohemian thing really pisses me off.
And yet you're drawn to him, like an eighth-grader to Madonna.
I know.
Which is crazy, 'cause I hate everybody.
You should go to the club.
Like I'd pay to go to a club.
They always let in a few freaks free to make the place look dangerous.
Oh, and when you see Corey, do that thing with your head that says, "I feel nothing but contempt for you.
" What are you talking about? There, that's it.
Do that.
Hey.
Oh, hey.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey, Shandra, this is my, uh my brother.
He wrote that song you liked so much.
I'm the older brother.
You note the resemblance? Have you seen my sister? You mean  our sister? Dad! Dad! That's my nickname.
Dad, daddy-o, daddy.
We were orphans.
Catch you later, bro.
It's so hard.
And so many colors.
Oh, for god's sake! Hey, this is the ladies' room! Sanctuary! Sanctuary! What did you do to my song? I gave it to the d.
J.
? I'm talking about the way it sounds! It just sounds different through a nice stereo.
Katie! Stop yelling! Here, step into my office.
The bartender-- so cute.
So incredibly cute.
Are your gums numb? So incredibly numb.
Woman: There's only enough for us! Why did you do that? Because you asked me to.
What? You said, "If I wanted my music to be played here, it would be playing here.
" Wish granted.
Thank you, Katie.
You're welcome, Corey.
Katie, that was a song I wrote for me.
It's not for people to dance to.
That song is personal.
Was the COWBELL too much? Everything was too much! I'm sorry.
I wanted it to be a surprise.
Yeah, well, it was.
Kind of like Yoko surprised the beatles.
Well, if you're going to ridicule Yoko, this conversation's over.
Now, Katie oh the streets are empty and the city's asleep tuesday.
What are you doing here? You invited me.
Yeah, but you came.
Is this ever gonna get fun? Maybe.
God! How can you stand this dance crap? I can't.
Let's go.
Corey! I requested your song again.
I love it! Whoa.
You wrote this?! Yes, I did.
Good night.
All this talk about your music and This is it? No, this is not it.
My sister dancercized it.
It could be worse.
How? I don't know.
It's just it's just something you say.
I didn't expect you to have a follow-up.
Oh, god! They've formed a conga line.
Ohh and yet it did get worse.
Ok.
Your music wouldn't suck if you took out all the beeps and the bells and the whistles.
I actually think I hear a piano in there.
Well, would you ever want to hear it, you know, in its original form? If you brought it into work, I wouldn't notlisten to it.
My god, you are so into me.
What is up with that? Oh you know, I think we need to take Mr.
Zebra pants home.
Morning.
Aren't you late for work? What work? Your advice got me fired.
What advice? The crazy kid from the loading dock.
Uh, buttwhacker, guttworker.
Oh, him.
Yeah, I fired the mouthy son of a bitch.
Why didn't you tell me that? Why didn't you ask? Would you please pass the sugar? No.
Then I'd be too helpful.
But I bet you need a little sugar, because your cereal is so dark and meaningful and personal.
I said it.
Katie-- I thought you wanted people to hear your music.
Well--Yeah, but that was not my music.
Ok? Because in my music, I have never written the lyrics [MAKES SQUAWKING SOUND.]
[SQUAWKING.]
or the BEAT, cachung, cachung.
And I would never add a [IMITATING DRUM MACHINE.]
sorry.
If I sit still, feelings come up.
Look, Katie, I'm sorry I yelled at you.
And I promise, You'll be the first to know when I go public, but from now on, please, just don't touch my stuff.
You're right, Corey.
I'm sorry.
You would never do that to me.
Except the time you cut the string off my chatty Cathy.
And you made her just plain Cathy.
Chatty-- don't deny it! Well, I'm-- ok, fine, wh-whatever.
I just cut the strings on your doll 15 years ago.
Sorry.
Are we even? Yeah.
Uh actually, honey, that was me.
I'd had a little bit too much to drink one night, and well, I thought she was judging me.
Tuesday! Somethin' and somethin' tuesday shut up! It's 4:00 in the morning, for god's sakes.
Shut up! by Carsey-Werner-mandabach l.
L.
C.
And Fox Broadcasting company TUESDAY 4:00 in the morning, Tuesday for god's sakes, shut up! No, that's no good.

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