That '80s Show (2002) s01e13 Episode Script
Sophia's Depressed
1 Morning.
Morning.
What are you doin' in my underwear? I could have asked you the same question last night.
But you didn't, 'cause you're a lady.
Damn right.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm, we're gonna be late for work.
Oh, my god.
For one split second there, I cared.
 [WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT BY TWISTED SISTER PLAYS.]
Jeez.
Brenda, turn it down! I don't think she can hear you! Thanks! Ow! I made you some coffee.
Are you sure this is safe to drink out of? Yeah, don't worry.
I melted out all the bug candle.
Do you want mine instead? Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
No, that's ok.
I'll just take a shower.
That'll wake me up.
All right.
Sorry.
I'll just be a second.
Out of my way.
Or you could go in first.
Either way.
Oh! Are you ok? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
Just [CHUCKLES.]
I'm fine.
[LAUGHS.]
I hope this wasn't expensive.
Oh.
Yeah, I was gonna call you guys and tell you not to come in, and then I thought, "What's in it for me?" what happened? Electrical fire.
The good news is I'm insured.
The bad news is the whole place didn't go up.
Damn sprinkler system.
'80s I'm living in the '80s '80s âÂÅ I have to push, I have to struggle âÂÅ oh I just don't know what I'm gonna do.
Owen, I'm gonna be here, and we're gonna figure it out together.
What happened? Owen just found out it's the last season of m.
A.
S.
H.
I'm takin' the rest of the coffee.
Patty's upstairs, and she won't drink instant.
Roger, daddy hasn't even had his yet.
If you take that to your girlfriend, I'm gonna have to make more.
Ok.
Morning.
Uh, hey.
Corey, what are you doing home? Oh, I lucked out.
There was a fire at work.
Looks like somethin' for you, Katie.
Really? Yeah.
Oh, and it's from your commanding officer.
It's a fondue set! "Congratulations on your recent nuptials.
" Did I get married? Uh, well, some of the guys on the ship might think you did.
Why would they think that? 'cause that's what I told 'em.
Owen! After I proposed and you said "No," I went back to the ship, and they planned this big party.
What was I supposed to do? You were supposed to tell them the truth! For god's sake, Katie, have some compassion.
They cancelled m.
A.
S.
H.
! weren't you wearin' that yesterday? Isn't that a girl's robe? I stayed at Tuesday's.
I haven't had time to change.
Oh, so what's her place like? Oh, it's great, man.
It's really cool.
It's this, uh, old loft with high ceilings.
It's really raw with exposed brick, exposed everything.
It's a pit, Roger.
I hate it.
Then why do you stay there all the time? 'cause tuesday's there.
Mmm.
Patty only wants to sleep at my place.
The problem is, there's no sleepin', if you know what I mean.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
No, I don't think you do.
Yeah, I do.
No, you don't.
Really? Yeah.
Wow.
Hey, Corey.
Patty.
Oh, coffee.
Yummers.
Ok, come on now, Roger.
I got about 1/2 hour before I gotta be to work.
You know how it is, Corey.
No, I don't.
[LAUGHS.]
Anybody who'll make me flapjacks gets a tenner.
Hey, rt, I wanna introduce you to my girlfriend.
This is Patty.
Nice to meet you.
You, too.
Is there coffee? Hey, will I still get a tenner if I make you toast? So, uh, that was Roger's girlfriend, huh? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good for him.
I think I had her.
What? Yeah, it was a few years ago on st.
Patrick's day.
I was bombed on green beer, and she was as cute as a damn leprechaun.
At least, I think that was her.
No, I'm wrong.
That's a relief.
It was Easter.
Corey, this is zeke, my contractor.
How ya doin'? used to be a roadie for zz top.
Cool.
Not really.
Billy Gibbons loves pizza.
It was my job to pick the cheese out of his beard.
Zeke's gonna transform the place.
He's gonna make This area look like a tropical oasis.
It'll look like maui in here.
You remember maui, don't you, megs? Parts of it.
Hey.
What do you say we stay at my house tonight? Your house? Why would we wanna do that? I thought you liked my place.
I do.
Just for a change of pace, you know.
3 bathrooms, no flying shoes.
Oh, so you have a problem with my roommate? She's a little unpleasant.
So, what? You want me to stay at your house with you and your family? Well, we don't all sleep in the same room.
Come on.
It'll be fun.
We have doors.
What's that supposed to mean? I just wanna stay at my house.
Why is it so important to you? Because you shouldn't care where we stay as long as we stay in the same place.
Well, then, neither should you.
So let's just stay at my house.
You know what? Forget it.
Why don't you stay at your place tonight, and I'll stay at mine? Fine.
Fine.
Corey, go out back and spot zeke on the ladder.
I need you to keep an eye on him.
Sometimes, he thinks he can fly.
Why should I stay at Corey's place? You've been there.
They eat together.
Everybody gets along.
They wear slippers.
It's a freak show, Margaret.
What, are you afraid of them or something? Yes.
That world is a dangerous place.
You put one foot in, next thing you know, you're wearin' culottes, writin' thank you notes, and makin' hamburger helper.
I like hamburger helper.
So do I.
See how seductive it all is? That's why I have to keep my distance.
Are you meaning to blow this relationship because you wanna make a stand about where you sleep? Maybe.
Mm-hmm.
Trust me.
You will be rewarded by the universe for your efforts as your souls merge into a brilliant cornucopia of light.
I'm startin' to wonder if that was really an ASPIRIN zeke gave me.
 [REFLEX BY DURAN DURAN PLAYS.]
Here's your greyhound, Sophia.
Is something wrong? What makes you think something's wrong? [BURPS.]
Sophia, do you like my house? It's a warm and happy place.
You're damn right it is.
You tired? Tch.
In your dreams.
Good, 'cause I got big plans for you later.
Did you see that? I'm nothing but Patty's boy toy.
All she wants me for is sex.
That's not True.
There's dancing.
That's foreplay.
You know, sometimes she shows up at the car dealership in the middle of the day in one of her crazy disguises demanding I take her for a test drive.
Roger, you shouldn't let a girl use you.
You have so much to offer! Sophia? Is that you? Good night, fellas.
God bless.
Wow, she's a mess.
Yeah.
It's kind of refreshing.
Sophia's right.
I'm gonna tell Patty there's more to me than just sex.
Oh, look at her wavin' at me to come into the ladies room with her.
We haven't done it in there yet.
That's kinda hot.
What's up? What are you doin' here? We're goin' to your house.
Did you hear about m.
A.
S.
H.
? have a cupcake.
I made them with my new muffin pans.
They were a wedding present we received from the ship's chaplain.
Oh, father chip.
That's so nice.
Owen! You lied to a man of the cloth.
We are not married.
And whose fault is that? Hey, kids, how was your night? Great.
Corey, by the way, I picked you up a pair of tube socks at the pro shop today.
I put 'em up on your bed.
Oh, thanks, Dad.
[SIGHS.]
Hey, rt.
Hey, Roger miss.
Well, good night, everyone.
Let's go, Roger uh, Patty, can we sit for a second and talk? We talked in the car.
Come on, move it! Good night.
We'll see you guys in the morning.
Oh, you'll find fluffy pillows and downy fresh towels in the linen closet.
Thanks, Katie.
Tuesday, do you need slippers? No, I--I don't.
Hey, you ok? [WEAKLY.]
Uh-huh.
Are you going somewhere? Katie, what are you doing down here? I was too mad at Owen to sleep in the same bed.
So why didn't you make him sleep on the Couch? It's not very comfortable.
Did you and Corey have a fight? No, I just-- I can't sleep.
This house is so quiet.
You know, I'd-- I'd love to hear just one little siren or--or maybe a gunshot.
I think I'm gonna go home.
You know what you need? Hot cocoa.
I--I don't.
No, I don't.
[GASPS.]
Patty? Ooh! [LAUGHS.]
For a minute there, I thought it was Garfield.
Sorry, Roger ran out of ice, and I like to have some around just in case I wanna wake him up.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Sophia, it's 2:00 in the morning.
What are you doing here? [CRIES.]
I can't keep this inside any longer.
My sister's getting married.
Now? No, she's gonna be a June bride.
The bitch.
I can't breathe.
You need a drink.
All the bars are closed! Not all of 'em.
Huh? Come on in.
Oh, god.
It's good to be home.
[CRIES.]
Have either of you seen Patty? No.
No.
Have you seen tuesday? No.
No.
What about Katie? No.
No.
Oh, my god.
They've evacuated the women.
With all that racket, somebody better be cooking.
Well, I'm very disappointed.
All the women are gone.
Maybe we should call the police.
Owen, relax, will ya? I've been around women long enough to know that if one disappears, you got a problem, but if they're all gone, it's a midnight shoe sale.
This is nice.
The way those Pipes sweat is kinda pretty.
Uh, Katie, you maybe shouldn't walk over there.
Some of those floor boards are kinda loose.
Uh, just-- just walk back the way you came.
Uh, what happened to your wall? I punched a hole in it to see what's inside.
Oh.
Ok.
Are you feeling any better, Sophia? Why would I feel better? I'm sitting in a dump! No offense.
Oh, it's a point of pride.
While my whole family is celebrating the fact that my sister Bianca is marrying a doctor.
[WHIMPERS.]
Sophia, I think there's a hole in your cup.
Of course there is.
Are you ready? Mm-hmm.
[GASPS.]
It's amazing.
You made the room look so big.
Well, the wall's gone, isn't it? Yeah, I know that.
I figure tomorrow I'll go pay for the waterfall and put your skylight in.
How much of the insurance money's left? About $1,500.
You know what I could use more than a waterfall? Some clam chowder and a tour of alcatraz.
Let's go to san Francisco.
My treat.
Are you serious? I am until this buzz wears off.
I can't believe they're not back yet.
I'm thinkin' maybe I should come clean with Roger about what happened between me and his girlfriend.
Dad you've never taken the high road before.
Why start now? Yeah.
Besides, she probably doesn't remember.
Oh, that would be a blow.
I don't know.
Maybe you're right.
Roger: Shh.
Do you hear any corn popping? No.
Damn.
That was the last one.
This is my fault.
Katie was so mad at me, she probably decided to run away from home.
What did you microwave, a tire? I can't believe tuesday just gets up and bolts.
What--what, is she trying to make some sort of point? Oh, our little household doesn't suit her.
No, she'd rather live like a squatter.
That somehow makes her happy.
Well, you know what? She has insulted the entire family.
Whatever.
You know, this isn't so bad once you get past the grit.
I gotta tell you, I'm sort of enjoying this break from Patty.
I'm not just on this planet to service her.
I've got ideas to share and wisdom to impart.
What should I do about Katie? I don't know, man.
I got my own problems.
What am I supposed to do, huh, live in a dump and drink out of bug candles the rest of my life? You know what I ought to tell her tomorrow at work? Done.
Forget it.
It's over, because if she rejects my family, she rejects me.
What is this, Â godfather iii? You know the funny thing is, Roger thinks I just want him for sex but sometimes, when I do let him sleep, I read his journal.
Oh, he's really poetic.
I think my foot's stuck.
Look, I told you that board was loose.
Just pull hard and run real fast in case the floor gives way.
I'm good.
You know, this place is starting to grow on me.
There's a certain freedom being here.
I just can't believe Bianca's getting married first.
She's a mess.
She never works out.
She's completely Let herself go.
She's like a hideous troll.
Are you sure that this is really about your sister and Not about the fact that you wanna get married? Psyche class? Cosmo.
All: Mmm.
Well, let me just tell you somethin'.
you don't wanna be married, 'cause marriage sucks.
You're not married.
That's right! What a relief! And she's so competitive.
I hate my sister! Ooh! Why is that such a problem? I hate my sister.
In fact, I hate my whole family.
Hating your family is a god given right.
I wish I had a sister I could hate.
Why do you hate your family? You try growing up as the daughter of a minister in vegas.
Wow.
Of course, we didn't start there.
That's just where my father Lost all his money.
So why don't you tell your brother that's why I don't like hangin' out in his perfect little world.
How's a person supposed to sleep when people aren't screaming at each other? Well, you should have been around when my parents were still together.
They fought constantly.
My mother's a control freak and my dad screws around.
Yeah, I think I slept with him.
Thank you.
See? We're not a perfect family.
I'm pretty sure my great grandparents were second cousins.
Really? Well, that's good to know.
It's creepy but good.
Katie.
Katie, I'm so sorry.
Move over, and I'll forgive you.
Where have you guys been? We had to go help out Sophia.
Did you know she has a sister that's a troll? Let's go upstairs.
Oh, no.
To sleep.
Really? Just sleep.
Ok, I'll let you off the hook this time.
I've decided I'm not going to see you anymore.
Ok, why not? Because you left.
Well, I'm here now.
Yeah, Well, you don't like it here.
Yes, I do.
Come on.
Let's go to bed.
So, tell me about your great grandparents.
Don't tell anyone, but they were second cousins.
Really? Well, that's just wrong.
Is Bianca ok? She hasn't stopped crying since the wedding was called off.
[LAUGHS.]
Isn't that great? She's looking pretty disgusting, so try to be nice, ok? I have a cousin who has a goiter, so I'm really good at this.
Oh, there she is.
Girls This is my sister Bianca.
Nice to meet you.
Ooh, such a brave face for a jilted girl.
She's hideous.
Look away.
Morning.
What are you doin' in my underwear? I could have asked you the same question last night.
But you didn't, 'cause you're a lady.
Damn right.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm, we're gonna be late for work.
Oh, my god.
For one split second there, I cared.
 [WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT BY TWISTED SISTER PLAYS.]
Jeez.
Brenda, turn it down! I don't think she can hear you! Thanks! Ow! I made you some coffee.
Are you sure this is safe to drink out of? Yeah, don't worry.
I melted out all the bug candle.
Do you want mine instead? Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
No, that's ok.
I'll just take a shower.
That'll wake me up.
All right.
Sorry.
I'll just be a second.
Out of my way.
Or you could go in first.
Either way.
Oh! Are you ok? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
Just [CHUCKLES.]
I'm fine.
[LAUGHS.]
I hope this wasn't expensive.
Oh.
Yeah, I was gonna call you guys and tell you not to come in, and then I thought, "What's in it for me?" what happened? Electrical fire.
The good news is I'm insured.
The bad news is the whole place didn't go up.
Damn sprinkler system.
'80s I'm living in the '80s '80s âÂÅ I have to push, I have to struggle âÂÅ oh I just don't know what I'm gonna do.
Owen, I'm gonna be here, and we're gonna figure it out together.
What happened? Owen just found out it's the last season of m.
A.
S.
H.
I'm takin' the rest of the coffee.
Patty's upstairs, and she won't drink instant.
Roger, daddy hasn't even had his yet.
If you take that to your girlfriend, I'm gonna have to make more.
Ok.
Morning.
Uh, hey.
Corey, what are you doing home? Oh, I lucked out.
There was a fire at work.
Looks like somethin' for you, Katie.
Really? Yeah.
Oh, and it's from your commanding officer.
It's a fondue set! "Congratulations on your recent nuptials.
" Did I get married? Uh, well, some of the guys on the ship might think you did.
Why would they think that? 'cause that's what I told 'em.
Owen! After I proposed and you said "No," I went back to the ship, and they planned this big party.
What was I supposed to do? You were supposed to tell them the truth! For god's sake, Katie, have some compassion.
They cancelled m.
A.
S.
H.
! weren't you wearin' that yesterday? Isn't that a girl's robe? I stayed at Tuesday's.
I haven't had time to change.
Oh, so what's her place like? Oh, it's great, man.
It's really cool.
It's this, uh, old loft with high ceilings.
It's really raw with exposed brick, exposed everything.
It's a pit, Roger.
I hate it.
Then why do you stay there all the time? 'cause tuesday's there.
Mmm.
Patty only wants to sleep at my place.
The problem is, there's no sleepin', if you know what I mean.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
No, I don't think you do.
Yeah, I do.
No, you don't.
Really? Yeah.
Wow.
Hey, Corey.
Patty.
Oh, coffee.
Yummers.
Ok, come on now, Roger.
I got about 1/2 hour before I gotta be to work.
You know how it is, Corey.
No, I don't.
[LAUGHS.]
Anybody who'll make me flapjacks gets a tenner.
Hey, rt, I wanna introduce you to my girlfriend.
This is Patty.
Nice to meet you.
You, too.
Is there coffee? Hey, will I still get a tenner if I make you toast? So, uh, that was Roger's girlfriend, huh? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good for him.
I think I had her.
What? Yeah, it was a few years ago on st.
Patrick's day.
I was bombed on green beer, and she was as cute as a damn leprechaun.
At least, I think that was her.
No, I'm wrong.
That's a relief.
It was Easter.
Corey, this is zeke, my contractor.
How ya doin'? used to be a roadie for zz top.
Cool.
Not really.
Billy Gibbons loves pizza.
It was my job to pick the cheese out of his beard.
Zeke's gonna transform the place.
He's gonna make This area look like a tropical oasis.
It'll look like maui in here.
You remember maui, don't you, megs? Parts of it.
Hey.
What do you say we stay at my house tonight? Your house? Why would we wanna do that? I thought you liked my place.
I do.
Just for a change of pace, you know.
3 bathrooms, no flying shoes.
Oh, so you have a problem with my roommate? She's a little unpleasant.
So, what? You want me to stay at your house with you and your family? Well, we don't all sleep in the same room.
Come on.
It'll be fun.
We have doors.
What's that supposed to mean? I just wanna stay at my house.
Why is it so important to you? Because you shouldn't care where we stay as long as we stay in the same place.
Well, then, neither should you.
So let's just stay at my house.
You know what? Forget it.
Why don't you stay at your place tonight, and I'll stay at mine? Fine.
Fine.
Corey, go out back and spot zeke on the ladder.
I need you to keep an eye on him.
Sometimes, he thinks he can fly.
Why should I stay at Corey's place? You've been there.
They eat together.
Everybody gets along.
They wear slippers.
It's a freak show, Margaret.
What, are you afraid of them or something? Yes.
That world is a dangerous place.
You put one foot in, next thing you know, you're wearin' culottes, writin' thank you notes, and makin' hamburger helper.
I like hamburger helper.
So do I.
See how seductive it all is? That's why I have to keep my distance.
Are you meaning to blow this relationship because you wanna make a stand about where you sleep? Maybe.
Mm-hmm.
Trust me.
You will be rewarded by the universe for your efforts as your souls merge into a brilliant cornucopia of light.
I'm startin' to wonder if that was really an ASPIRIN zeke gave me.
 [REFLEX BY DURAN DURAN PLAYS.]
Here's your greyhound, Sophia.
Is something wrong? What makes you think something's wrong? [BURPS.]
Sophia, do you like my house? It's a warm and happy place.
You're damn right it is.
You tired? Tch.
In your dreams.
Good, 'cause I got big plans for you later.
Did you see that? I'm nothing but Patty's boy toy.
All she wants me for is sex.
That's not True.
There's dancing.
That's foreplay.
You know, sometimes she shows up at the car dealership in the middle of the day in one of her crazy disguises demanding I take her for a test drive.
Roger, you shouldn't let a girl use you.
You have so much to offer! Sophia? Is that you? Good night, fellas.
God bless.
Wow, she's a mess.
Yeah.
It's kind of refreshing.
Sophia's right.
I'm gonna tell Patty there's more to me than just sex.
Oh, look at her wavin' at me to come into the ladies room with her.
We haven't done it in there yet.
That's kinda hot.
What's up? What are you doin' here? We're goin' to your house.
Did you hear about m.
A.
S.
H.
? have a cupcake.
I made them with my new muffin pans.
They were a wedding present we received from the ship's chaplain.
Oh, father chip.
That's so nice.
Owen! You lied to a man of the cloth.
We are not married.
And whose fault is that? Hey, kids, how was your night? Great.
Corey, by the way, I picked you up a pair of tube socks at the pro shop today.
I put 'em up on your bed.
Oh, thanks, Dad.
[SIGHS.]
Hey, rt.
Hey, Roger miss.
Well, good night, everyone.
Let's go, Roger uh, Patty, can we sit for a second and talk? We talked in the car.
Come on, move it! Good night.
We'll see you guys in the morning.
Oh, you'll find fluffy pillows and downy fresh towels in the linen closet.
Thanks, Katie.
Tuesday, do you need slippers? No, I--I don't.
Hey, you ok? [WEAKLY.]
Uh-huh.
Are you going somewhere? Katie, what are you doing down here? I was too mad at Owen to sleep in the same bed.
So why didn't you make him sleep on the Couch? It's not very comfortable.
Did you and Corey have a fight? No, I just-- I can't sleep.
This house is so quiet.
You know, I'd-- I'd love to hear just one little siren or--or maybe a gunshot.
I think I'm gonna go home.
You know what you need? Hot cocoa.
I--I don't.
No, I don't.
[GASPS.]
Patty? Ooh! [LAUGHS.]
For a minute there, I thought it was Garfield.
Sorry, Roger ran out of ice, and I like to have some around just in case I wanna wake him up.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Sophia, it's 2:00 in the morning.
What are you doing here? [CRIES.]
I can't keep this inside any longer.
My sister's getting married.
Now? No, she's gonna be a June bride.
The bitch.
I can't breathe.
You need a drink.
All the bars are closed! Not all of 'em.
Huh? Come on in.
Oh, god.
It's good to be home.
[CRIES.]
Have either of you seen Patty? No.
No.
Have you seen tuesday? No.
No.
What about Katie? No.
No.
Oh, my god.
They've evacuated the women.
With all that racket, somebody better be cooking.
Well, I'm very disappointed.
All the women are gone.
Maybe we should call the police.
Owen, relax, will ya? I've been around women long enough to know that if one disappears, you got a problem, but if they're all gone, it's a midnight shoe sale.
This is nice.
The way those Pipes sweat is kinda pretty.
Uh, Katie, you maybe shouldn't walk over there.
Some of those floor boards are kinda loose.
Uh, just-- just walk back the way you came.
Uh, what happened to your wall? I punched a hole in it to see what's inside.
Oh.
Ok.
Are you feeling any better, Sophia? Why would I feel better? I'm sitting in a dump! No offense.
Oh, it's a point of pride.
While my whole family is celebrating the fact that my sister Bianca is marrying a doctor.
[WHIMPERS.]
Sophia, I think there's a hole in your cup.
Of course there is.
Are you ready? Mm-hmm.
[GASPS.]
It's amazing.
You made the room look so big.
Well, the wall's gone, isn't it? Yeah, I know that.
I figure tomorrow I'll go pay for the waterfall and put your skylight in.
How much of the insurance money's left? About $1,500.
You know what I could use more than a waterfall? Some clam chowder and a tour of alcatraz.
Let's go to san Francisco.
My treat.
Are you serious? I am until this buzz wears off.
I can't believe they're not back yet.
I'm thinkin' maybe I should come clean with Roger about what happened between me and his girlfriend.
Dad you've never taken the high road before.
Why start now? Yeah.
Besides, she probably doesn't remember.
Oh, that would be a blow.
I don't know.
Maybe you're right.
Roger: Shh.
Do you hear any corn popping? No.
Damn.
That was the last one.
This is my fault.
Katie was so mad at me, she probably decided to run away from home.
What did you microwave, a tire? I can't believe tuesday just gets up and bolts.
What--what, is she trying to make some sort of point? Oh, our little household doesn't suit her.
No, she'd rather live like a squatter.
That somehow makes her happy.
Well, you know what? She has insulted the entire family.
Whatever.
You know, this isn't so bad once you get past the grit.
I gotta tell you, I'm sort of enjoying this break from Patty.
I'm not just on this planet to service her.
I've got ideas to share and wisdom to impart.
What should I do about Katie? I don't know, man.
I got my own problems.
What am I supposed to do, huh, live in a dump and drink out of bug candles the rest of my life? You know what I ought to tell her tomorrow at work? Done.
Forget it.
It's over, because if she rejects my family, she rejects me.
What is this, Â godfather iii? You know the funny thing is, Roger thinks I just want him for sex but sometimes, when I do let him sleep, I read his journal.
Oh, he's really poetic.
I think my foot's stuck.
Look, I told you that board was loose.
Just pull hard and run real fast in case the floor gives way.
I'm good.
You know, this place is starting to grow on me.
There's a certain freedom being here.
I just can't believe Bianca's getting married first.
She's a mess.
She never works out.
She's completely Let herself go.
She's like a hideous troll.
Are you sure that this is really about your sister and Not about the fact that you wanna get married? Psyche class? Cosmo.
All: Mmm.
Well, let me just tell you somethin'.
you don't wanna be married, 'cause marriage sucks.
You're not married.
That's right! What a relief! And she's so competitive.
I hate my sister! Ooh! Why is that such a problem? I hate my sister.
In fact, I hate my whole family.
Hating your family is a god given right.
I wish I had a sister I could hate.
Why do you hate your family? You try growing up as the daughter of a minister in vegas.
Wow.
Of course, we didn't start there.
That's just where my father Lost all his money.
So why don't you tell your brother that's why I don't like hangin' out in his perfect little world.
How's a person supposed to sleep when people aren't screaming at each other? Well, you should have been around when my parents were still together.
They fought constantly.
My mother's a control freak and my dad screws around.
Yeah, I think I slept with him.
Thank you.
See? We're not a perfect family.
I'm pretty sure my great grandparents were second cousins.
Really? Well, that's good to know.
It's creepy but good.
Katie.
Katie, I'm so sorry.
Move over, and I'll forgive you.
Where have you guys been? We had to go help out Sophia.
Did you know she has a sister that's a troll? Let's go upstairs.
Oh, no.
To sleep.
Really? Just sleep.
Ok, I'll let you off the hook this time.
I've decided I'm not going to see you anymore.
Ok, why not? Because you left.
Well, I'm here now.
Yeah, Well, you don't like it here.
Yes, I do.
Come on.
Let's go to bed.
So, tell me about your great grandparents.
Don't tell anyone, but they were second cousins.
Really? Well, that's just wrong.
Is Bianca ok? She hasn't stopped crying since the wedding was called off.
[LAUGHS.]
Isn't that great? She's looking pretty disgusting, so try to be nice, ok? I have a cousin who has a goiter, so I'm really good at this.
Oh, there she is.
Girls This is my sister Bianca.
Nice to meet you.
Ooh, such a brave face for a jilted girl.
She's hideous.
Look away.