The Class s01e04 Episode Script

The Class Blows the Whistle

If you missed The Class, here's what you missed.
Holly reconnected with her old boyfriend Kyle.
Then she and her husband Perry asked him for a little favor.
I think you mentioned last night you teach first grade at Pennbridge Academy.
Oh, yeah.
I don't supposed there's any way you could help us get Oprah in there? You named your daughter Oprah? Oh.
I'm a fan.
Richie hit Lina with his car.
Broke every bone in both her feet.
And nearly lost her in a hurricane.
Whoa! So they're still going strong.
Kat and Ethan became closer friends.
Uh, can I get you some privacy? What do you care? You're a doctor? I'm a pediatrician.
So just picture everything smaller.
And Nicole spent the night with the love of her life, Duncan Carmello.
I don't know what this is.
Even though she's married to football star Yonk Allen.
Why don't we take some steaks out of the freezer, and do it while they defrost? To make things just a little more complicated, Duncan took a job renovating Nicole's house over her not-so-slight objections.
Oh, no, you're not! Oh, yes, I am! I'm starting this job! The job is now starting.
Job has now begun.
He gonna announce everything he does? And that's all you need to know.
Okay.
I just need to know.
How long is all this gonna last? Actually, I found a crack in the foundation.
So I wanna say five months.
Five months? You want the job done right, don't you? No.
Phone it in.
Cut corners.
What kind of a contractor are you? What's going on? Apparently, he found a crack in the foundation.
Oh, man.
It is just one thing after another.
You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were screwing us.
- Well, it's after 9:00.
- Get back to this wall.
Bye, sweetie.
Gotta go.
Hey, kid, you know anything about video games? I'm 27 years old.
I still live with my mother.
So yeah, I'd say I know a little something about video games.
I just got this new Madden game, and I'm a player in it so I gotta sign off on it.
You wanna play? You're asking if I wanna play football with Yonk Allen? Video football.
Yeah, I'm gonna tell people football.
All right.
Let's play ball.
- Wow.
- What? You gotta understand.
I grew up watching you play.
Just being here, seeing all the trophies, touching the helmet.
I did not touch the helmet.
Hey, you got anyone you can fix me up with? - Really? - Yeah.
I feel like it's time.
You know, start over, meet someone new-- - Get laid.
- Mostly that.
So you know anyone? Oh, I don't fix people up.
At all? Nope, nothing in it for me.
Besides, when it doesn't work out, the people just blame you.
Yeah, but if it does work out, you got two more happy people in the world.
Am I one of them? Well, no, but you'd have the satisfaction of knowing you brought joy to-- You know, as I say it, it doesn't sound like you.
Holly, what a pleasant surprise! Kyle didn't tell me you were coming over.
Aaron, I'm sorry.
I don't even have time to pretend I understand what you're saying.
Kyle! I swear it's like he's talking in another language.
What's up? Okay, Perry's just parking the car.
He'll be up any second.
We're gonna show you two outfits.
They're for Oprah's school interview tomorrow.
We need you to decide.
Why me? 'Cause I'm gay? No! Because you work with those admissions people, and you know what they're looking for.
And plus, you're gay.
But here the thing.
You have to choose mine.
My pigheaded husband has his heart set on this-- Bup, bup, bup, bup! No swaying the judge.
Hi, Your Honor.
Hey, Perry.
Hey.
Wow.
What a great place.
Aaron at the beach.
Work out much? - Honey, let's do this.
- Yes.
Okay, whichever dress you pick, that's the one she'll wear.
I'm so nervous.
It's like the Super Bowl I assume.
And here they are.
Now, we're not gonna tell you whose is whose.
It's your choice entirely.
I'm sorry, but it's definitely that one.
No! Touchdown! No, this is so much better.
It says she's stylish.
She's sophisticated.
It's says she's a tiny whore.
Holly, it doesn't matter what she wears.
How can you say that? Pennbridge is so hard to get into, and I don't wanna blow this.
Look, you won't.
Just let her go in there and be herself.
Yeah, I'm not sure that's putting her best foot forward.
Honey, she's gonna be fine.
Have you seen my glasses? No, but we've seen your beach picture.
Bravo.
Okay, as requested, we've got a tuna sandwich.
We've got Entertainment Weekly, People, and Wheelchair Living.
Who knew? And a pair of knitting needles for, uh, scratching.
Give 'em! Oh, that's the stuff.
So listen, I've been wanting to ask you if-- Lina? Lina? Lina? I was wondering.
Do you have any, um, plans tomorrow night? Are you asking me out? If I were, would you say yes? If I said yes, would you be asking me out? Wanna go out? Yes.
Oh, my God.
Rivers of sweat.
It's been so long, I was afraid you were never gonna ask.
Hey, I ran you over.
Some women are turned off by that.
Yeahyeahtouchdown! Suck it! Super Bowl XVI.
Suck on that.
Hello? Oh, hey, babe.
What's going on? I'm kickin' his ass.
Shut up, douche.
Yonk Allen just called me douche! You guys hang out now.
Who saw that coming? I didn't.
You're wasting time.
You have a date with my friend Molly.
What? You wanted me to set you up.
I'm setting you up.
Okay, do I get her number? Nope, you get her location.
You're having sushi at Kenzu in nine minutes.
And possibly sex in 90.
She's pretty loose.
That's my type.
Great! Put something over that.
What? It's a little nipple-y.
Ooh! Wait, here.
Hey, what happened to you not setting people up? Yeah, I know.
But I was on my way to meet Molly for dinner, and I realized that it'd just be me sitting there listening to her whine about how she can never meet a nice guy.
Then I remembered all your whining so I figured, two losers, one stone.
You give, and then you take away.
That's my job.
All right.
You ready to go? How do I look? - The pants are-- - What about them? You know, don't worry.
If I know Molly, they're off by 9:15.
- Hello? - Hi, Aaron.
- Is Kyle there? - Uh, yes.
But you should know we're about to sit down for dinner.
I got like the first three words.
- Kyle? - Who is it? - Holly, hi! - Hi.
Sorry to bother you, but I knew you'd wanna know.
- Oprah's interview went great.
- She killed! Listen, we're just sitting down to dinner.
Oh, okay.
One quick question.
Assuming she gets in, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, how early can we drop her off at school? I'm not sure.
Listen, we can figure all this out-- Right.
Here's our conflict.
Gimme one second, I'll get her off the phone.
Unless she stays at your place and your drive her.
What? Oh, also-- - Holly, I've really gotta go.
- Yeah, but I-- We'll talk later! Oh, my God! Why is this woman in our life? I know, I know.
But she's one of my oldest friends.
But even so.
I get it.
She's wound a little tight.
But she can also be a lot of fun.
When does that kick in? Look, you don't know her like I do.
She's got a good heart.
And if you're in an emergency, she's the one you want.
Okay, we're not gonna answer it.
Let's just have dinner.
How did she get my number? Blue, 3131 Hut, hut.
Hut! Yes! Yes! - Shoes allowed on the couch? - No! No! Sohow my fellas doing? Well, I'm parched.
I got the kinda thirst only Gatorade can tackle.
That was your commercial.
One of my commercials.
Listerine tackles bad breath! Gillette tackles razor burn.
Bounce tackles static cling! Man, I miss acting.
Wow.
I didn't think it was possible to make this whole thing worse, but you found a way.
What? Now you're friends with him? I wouldn't call us friends.
Unless--Why? Did he say we were friends? Oh, my God.
Look, it's weird enough that you're here all day.
Can you please not make this harder? Sure.
Thank you.
Hey, Dunc, you wanna go with me and Nick to the Eagles game tonight? Yeah! And then I'll do your thing.
So what are you thinking of getting? I don't know.
Sometimes, I just close my eyes and wherever my finger lands that's what I get.
Okay.
Let's do that.
What'd you get? I'm having a side of beets.
I'm having Executive Chef Jerome Bennet.
Maybe we just look.
You're Richie Velch.
No, no, I'm not.
Yeah, you are.
I'd recognize that smug-ass face of yours anywhere.
You ruined my life, you son-of-a-bitch.
I hope you're happy.
I have good days and bad days.
I lost everything because of you.
Do you even know how many lives you destroyed? I hope you die.
I hope you die a slow, painful death, you miserable bag of crap.
Carl will be your server.
Okay, please let me explain.
You don't have to.
You know, sometimes busboys make death threats.
It happens.
A few years ago, I was a research chemist for Gehrman-Driscoll.
You know, the pharmaceutical company? Anyway, we pretty much built our entire reputation on this one medication-- Sombacil.
It was a sleep aid.
But turns out, it had some pretty serious side effects.
Like what? Well, death.
Also, dry mouth and frequent urination.
But really, the death thing was the issue.
Anyway, the deal was the FDA couldn't prove a causal link.
But II could.
So I kind of blew the whistle and brought down the whole company.
About 1,000 people lost their jobs.
I'm just guessing our busboy was one of them.
Oh, good.
He's telling our waiter about me.
I'm gonna eat spit.
But you did a good thing.
No, it wasn't worth it.
I lost my job and I couldn't get another one, because who wants to hire a whistle-blower? So now I drive toxic waste to a landfill in New Jersey.
- That's what you do? - Oh, don't worry.
They hose me down at the end of the day.
It's like Silkwood.
Oh, I never saw that.
It's good.
You should rent it.
You might not think so, but I think you're a hero.
- Really? - I do.
I don't deserve you.
- How'd it go? - You're still here.
Hey, it takes a while to go through somebody's stuff.
Come on! How'd it go with Molly? Oh, yeah.
She's great.
She's really funny.
So smart.
What's wrong with her? N othing.
She's awesome.
But? Her ears are a tad large.
Oh, my God.
Her ears? You've never noticed this? No, how large are they? They're huge.
They're enormous.
She's like two ears that happen to have head.
I am so judging you right now.
I'm sorry! Besides, she wears her hair down.
I know, but then she turns her head, and one of them pops out like thwap! So that's it.
You're not gonna go out with her again, because you can't see past her ears? You can't! You shallow, shallow man.
This could be the girl of your dreams and you'll never know because she doesn't meet your tiny-eared standards.
Okay.
I'll see her again.
- No, no, no.
- No, no, you're right.
Maybe if I spend more time with her, I'll be able to get past her-- You're not gonna go out with her again.
Why? Because you're not gonna see past them.
- Why not? - Because they're huge! They're freakin' bread plates! So you did notice them? Oh, how could you not? She looks like a woman playing two tubas.
Then why did you set me up with her? Because I was hoping that maybe you were a better person than I am.
Well, I'm not.
See, this is why I don't set people up.
Because now I have to call her and I have to make up an excuse and it's, like, this whole giant mess.
I'm sorry.
So you got anyone else? Maybe someone smaller here, bigger here? I'm just saying.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Thanks for coming over.
Maybe you should sit down.
That sounds ominous.
Um, I spoke to the admissions people, and I've got some bad news.
What? Okay, apparently, when they met her, they couldn't help noticing that she's not black.
They thought Oprah was black? I know.
Shocking.
Why should that even matter? Well, they're trying to create a more diverse student population.
I don't know if you noticed, but we've got a lot of white kids.
Sometimes, it's hard to teach with the glare coming off my students.
So what are we gonna do? There's nothing to do.
It's just not gonna happen.
O kay.
Okay.
How black would she have to be? I don't know what to do with that.
Perry's family is from the South.
Before the Civil War, his great, great grandfather had this big plantation.
It's not impossible.
There's some mixed blood in there.
Yeah, I don't think your ancestors owning slaves is really gonna help us here.
All right.
Then what will? Nothing.
It's over.
I mean, even Oprah couldn't get Oprah into that school.
Well, that's not true.
I know.
She can do anything.
I don't know what to say.
This is devastating.
And I can't even tell Perry.
Why not? He just had this chemical peel.
He's not supposed to cry for the next 48 hours.
Sorry.
She sounded upset.
Oh, you should've seen her face.
That's okay.
She really wanted this.
But can you imagine if she got in? Oh, my God! Dealing with Holly every day.
Would've been a nightmare.
I know, I know, which is why What? I made the whole black thing up.
No way.
Pennbridge doesn't have a diversity policy.
So you lied? Yeah.
And I pulled her application.
Oh, my God.
I've never loved you more! You know, I actually thought you might care enough not to come tonight.
Look, I'm sorry.
I know this has gotta suck for you.
And I would feel really bad, except-- I'm going to the Eagles game with Yonk Allen.
And his wife.
Am I alone in this? Isn't this gonna be hard for you to be with me and him? You know, it would be, except I'm going to the Eagles game with Yonk Allen.
Allen.
I get it.
So there's nothing I can say here? You're really gonna do this to me? I guess if it's gonna be that tough on you, then I won't go.
Thank you.
Oh, come on! I gotta go! He's Yonk Allen.
How many Sundays did we spend watching him play? And now I'd be walking into that stadium with him.
That would be, like, the highlight of my life.
Okay.
Really? Yeah.
I'll stay home.
You go.
Are you sure? Yeah.
You're right.
He's Yonk Allen.
I know how much it meant the first time he took me to a game.
I just hope you don't thank him the same way I did.
Guess that depends on how good the seats are.
They're pretty good.
Uh-oh.
Have fun tonight.
You're awesome.
I really, really am.
Okay, I'll go get him.
Great.
Honey? All right.
You ready to roll? Sure.
Hello? Hey, it's me.
How'd it go? Did he run you over again? Stop! It was one time.
No, I had the greatest night with him.
Yeah? I think I finally got a good one.
Where were you? I had to work a double shift.
Just go back to sleep.