The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air s06e08 Episode Script
Viva Lost Wages
So this is what you wanna do, huh? You think you want some of me, huh? Let's go.
Blackjack.
Man, that's three in a row.
I should be taking you to Vegas with me instead of Carlton.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Pay the man.
You know what that is? Irritating.
It's energy generated by the most awesome source of natural power in the world.
What, the static from Uncle Phil's corduroys? The Hoover Dam.
Here, I got you this book so when we get to Vegas, you'll be Hoover savvy.
I'm getting goose bumps.
You too? Okay, guys.
Here you go.
Here are your airplane tickets and your hotel confirmation.
Thanks.
This is gonna be the greatest birthday present ever.
It's a shame you have to go to Sacramento.
Oh, I know.
I know.
But, son, this isn't just a birthday, this is your 21st birthday.
And this isn't just a trip, it's a rite of passage.
Cheyenne Indians used to take a young brave and leave him in the desert and he'd have to fend for himself with nothing but a knife.
But when he left that desert, he was a man.
There's certainly some places in this desert where a brother can become a man.
[CHUCKLES.]
I don't know where none of them at, you know, you know, but I'm gonna go ahead and get my knife.
[SINGING "THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR" THEME.]
[WOMEN LAUGHING.]
WOMEN: Aww.
Okay, ladies, I'm leaving.
They don't hear you, sir.
They've begun their women's weekend.
Right now, they're in phase one.
Chick flicks and mint Milanos.
I said, I'm leaving.
Well, it's not like you're going off to war, sir.
I just know that one day Thelma and Louise will make it to the other side of the canyon.
CARLTON: Somebody pinch me.
I'm in the same city with Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, and Engelbert Humperdinck.
So many shows, so little time.
Ugh.
WILL: I can't believe I'm in the same city as Girls, Girls, Girls.
Oh! So many shows, so little time.
Whoo-hoo! Bells ringing, money flowing.
We are certainly not in Kansas anymore.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, Auntie Em, Dorothy got a miniskirt on.
We've entered the world of temptation.
A word to the wise, beware.
All right, here's the plan.
First, we split up - And? - That's it.
We just split up.
All right, I get it.
We'll gamble for about an hour or so, but then we have to hit the hay.
We don't wanna miss sunrise at Hoover Dam.
They say it starts out mauve.
You're an odd little man, aren't you? Yeah.
Change for a dollar, please.
There's a $5 minimum, sir.
Outrageous.
We're out of here, Will.
Whoa, wait a minute, Carlton.
Relax, man.
Can I get change for 100, please? A hundred? Are you insane? Change 100.
See, she can't believe it either.
Okay.
"You're at a friend's house for Christmas dinner and you find a dead cockroach in your salad.
What do you do?" I eat around it, because cockroaches go straight to my thighs.
- I'd switch plates with Carlton.
HILARY: Ha-ha.
Okay, Hilary, it's your turn.
I'll ask you a question.
"Would it bother you much if upon your death your body was simply thrown into the woods and abandoned?" Does it say what I'm wearing? [WOMEN SCREAM.]
Geoffrey, you scared us.
Ahem.
I'm sorry, madam.
It's just that I've never seen you three without your makeup before.
Okay, Geoffrey, fine.
A question for you.
"If you could use a voodoo doll to hurt anyone you chose, would you?" Miss Ashley, if it hasn't worked by now - Aah! - Perhaps it's kicking in.
No, I saw a mouse.
- Are you sure? - Of course, I'm sure.
What'd it look like? Like Mickey, only without the big white gloves.
- Oh, my God.
I see it! - Geoffrey, get it! - Which way did it go? ALL: That way! Thank you.
No.
WILL: All right.
First, I'll take odds on my point.
Give me a 12-dollar six and eight, Give me five on the come, five in the field.
Keep my hard ways working for me.
Oh, yeah.
Split me up $10.
Boxcars and yo.
And here's a buck.
Spread it around.
Give me them.
Give me them.
Give me them.
DEALER: Nine.
Winner.
Whoo! Give me the loot.
Give me the loot.
I'm a bad, bad man.
[LAUGHS.]
WILL: All right.
All right.
Show me 20.
Show me 20.
Show me 20.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Oh, come on, baby.
Come on, baby.
[WILL AND PLAYERS YELLING.]
[BLOWING.]
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! [SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
All right, come on.
It's your turn.
Roll them, C.
All right, fine.
Come to papa.
WILL: Come on, aren't you gonna bet something? Yes, I put $5 on red and 5 on black.
That'll cancel your bet out.
You can't win like that.
Maybe so, but I can't lose either.
- Not unless it comes up DEALER: Double zero, green.
[HUFFS.]
One penny, two penny, three No, better not take the chance.
Yes, I've got it.
Hey.
Hey, Carlton.
Oh, man, you are never gonna believe this.
Let me tell you, I'm at this crap table, right? It's crazy.
I'm just barking numbers like, boom, seven, boom, 11.
The crowd is going crazy.
The girls are like, "Willy Smith, is that you?" I'm like, "Who you think it is?" They're going crazy.
They all love me.
I'm throwing back doors, yos, Little Joes, all that kind of stuff.
I'm just straight jacking the casino for their loot.
Man, I was like a crap Mandingo.
- So, what happened? - Hey, can you spot a brother 20? I cannot believe you froze me up right in the middle of my comeback.
Hi, my name is Will Smith, and I'm a gambleholic.
Carlton, come on, man.
Didn't you feel the juice? Will, that's the devil's juice.
I'm about to have me some of the devil's eggs and bacon too.
Ha! Very funny, Will.
Now hand it over.
- What? - You were right there when Dad said it.
"Keep an eye on Will.
Make sure he doesn't get out of control.
Make sure he doesn't drink the devil's juice.
" Man, he ain't say none of that.
You are so far gone.
Now hand over all your money.
Is that gonna shut you up? Yes.
Now let's get some shuteye.
Look, man, I ain't tired.
Do you want to miss Hoover Dam? Hoover Dam.
I don't wanna see no damn Hoover Dam.
It's more beautiful than I thought.
It is mauve.
[SCREAMS.]
Hey, Carlton.
Carlton.
Come on, eight, eight, eight.
I need an eight.
I want an eight.
Eight.
Eight.
Eight.
Give me an eight.
Carlton, what the hell are you doing? What am I doing? I'm gambling.
What do you think? Come on, eight.
Carlton, you can't put all your money on one number.
And the winner is eight.
Yes! Eight.
I won.
I love you, man.
You know I always loved you, man.
Ha-ha-ha.
Place your bets.
- Hey, hey, so how much are you up? - We're not up.
We're down.
What you mean "we"? Well, after I maxed out all my credit cards Carlton, you maxed out all your credit cards? I had to.
I couldn't get full value for the airline tickets.
You hocked our airline tickets? Well, what do you expect? I only got $200 out of your ATM card.
A word to the wise, Will, never leave your PIN number in your wallet.
You took my wallet? Carlton, how much is left? - Whatever's left on the table.
- Wait a minute.
Aah! - And the winner is eight - Yes! teen.
- No! No, wait, wait.
Wait a minute.
It was 18, we had eight.
We should get something.
What a rush.
You feel that? What a ride.
Carlton, you lost all our money.
Oh, please.
I'm not ready to come down just yet.
What the hell were you thinking, man? I was so excited about going to Hoover Dam, I couldn't sleep.
So I figured I'd come down and place a little harmless bet and I won.
You know, I tried to walk away but the crap table just kept calling me.
"Carlton.
Carlton.
" And then the blackjack table was saying, "You can do it.
" And then the slot machines just started yelling: "Hey, you tall handsome guy, come shake my hand.
" These are all my new friends.
My God, they're pumping a lot of oxygen into this room.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
That was the worst night of my life.
Tossing and turning, thinking about that mouse.
What are you complaining about? I'm the one who caught it and got rid of it.
Mommy, Ashley's bothering me.
Ashley, stop bothering your sister.
- Big baby.
- She did it again.
We have the whole day to ourselves without men.
- So, what are we gonna do? - Go to the mall and scam on guys.
See, Mom, she is so immature.
It's Saturday, the guys are at the gym.
I think the whole point of this is for us to bond without men.
- Can we talk about men? - No.
- Not even negatively? - What you got? Okay, tell me something.
Now, are all men hard of hearing or is it just that they don't wanna listen to anything we have to say? Right.
We have to listen until we're blue in the face about cars, sports money, their precious careers, and then if we wanna talk about something that's really important to us, they can't be bothered.
[CHUCKLES.]
Wait, how about this? How about when they never listen? Heh.
Wow, Will, the casino's head office.
Can't you just feel the money? I mean, my God, look at all the animal heads in here.
Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of a hat.
- Shut up, Carlton.
- Ow! Now, come on, the only way that my plan is gonna work is if you follow my instructions to the letter.
- Great.
What are the instructions? - "Shut the hell up.
" - Hello, gentlemen.
- How you doing? Will Smith.
Pleasure.
I understand you gentlemen would like to discuss a little business.
Heh.
A little? Pshh.
We got something that is gonna rock your world.
- Rock away.
- All right.
Well, you know, we were talking - Have a seat.
- Oh.
[CHUCKLING.]
We were just walking around in your beautiful casino you know, fully caught up in the magic and the fun and the excitement and we suffered a minor cash-flow problem.
I feel your pain.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Listen, "Fred.
" I can call you Fred, right? - Sure.
My associate and I, we wanna make you a very, very rich man.
Too late.
[LAUGHING.]
He said, "Too late.
" He put the ring up.
You know, he said, "Too late.
" You know, I like this guy.
No, no, but seriously, you know Now, are you familiar with the term "money making money"? - Sure.
- Let me paint you a little picture.
Now, we're out and we're hanging around in your delightful casino.
I mean, we are shooting craps and we're playing cards and the crowd is excited.
I mean, they are really excited.
And they're saying to themselves: "Wow, look at these guys.
They're losing, but look how much fun they're having.
" And then it hits them.
Losing is more fun than winning.
They're saying to themselves, "Wow, how can we get in on the fun?" Before you know it, people start talking, and they're saying: "Hey, honey, go ahead, draw to the inside straight.
You got 20, so what? Hit it.
" People at the crap tables, "Come on, snake eyes.
Let's go, snake eyes.
" People will come to your casino to lose.
Huh? Ching-ching.
Huh? You can feel the electricity, can't you? You can feel it, right? Oh, yeah.
I feel it.
I knew you would.
You know, I mean, there's one hitch though.
I mean, we're out in the casino, we're working our tail off for you and we lost all our money.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, so you want your money back? That is why you are you.
You deserve every one of them heads, Fred.
[LAUGHS.]
Carlton, you taking notes from this man? Y'all taking notes from this man? So then it's settled.
Chips are fine.
Uh Is there anything else? Well, I don't know.
I wouldn't mind catching a show.
- Just name it.
- Tom Jones.
Who? You know what? Never mind.
Never mind.
So where do we go from here? Are you gonna give it to us or should we go out to the cashier? Basically, where we go from here is that I'm gonna count to three and if you gentlemen are not out of my office, I've got space for you on my wall.
[SPEAKS IN GERMAN.]
CARLTON: I still don't know what happened.
I mean, I went into the desert just like my father said.
I had my knife.
But how is a brave suppose to concentrate with all these bells and whistles? Not to mention the keno girls.
How am I gonna call my father and tell him I'm an utter and absolute failure? I don't think it's gonna be the shock that you think it is.
Well, at least I know it's over.
The insanity is done.
I'm Carlton again.
- Carlton, look, a quarter.
- Oh, it's mine.
It's mine.
You're pathetic.
You're right.
I've hit rock bottom.
How come you can see the quarter and I can't? Because there ain't no quarter, man.
Now get on the phone and call Uncle Phil.
Will, it's a sign.
You're an imbecile, but we still have to call Uncle Phil.
- But you don't understand.
- Carlton It's a dance contest and I'm a dancing machine.
Huh? Huh? [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Wow, the competition's even stiffer than I thought.
[SCOFFS.]
Please.
My mom got better moves than that the time her girdle slipped in Church.
All right.
Okay, thank you.
That was rad.
We're gonna welcome our next contestants all the way from Bel-Air, California.
Please welcome Will the Thrill and Boogaloo Shrimp.
[SUGARHILL GANG'S "APACHE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
Tonto Jump on it Jump on it Jump on it Kemosabi Jump on it Jump on it Jump on it Custer Jump on it Jump on it Jump on it Apache Jump on it Jump on it I'm Big Bank I am the Chief I got a lot of raps But I'll be real I never need a horse I like to chill [SIGHS.]
We were up, we were down, we were all around and suddenly out of nowhere, they just ripped our hearts out.
Look, see, it doesn't matter how many bruises and scars you got.
The important thing is you came out of that desert alive, and a man.
A very odd little man, but a man.
Yeah, I did, didn't I? I just wish we could've won that dance contest.
I mean, how dare they give us the booby prize.
Hey look, man, that booby prize paid our way home.
Trust me, Will, I will never gamble again.
ALL [SINGING.]
: Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Carlton Happy birthday to you [LAUGHING.]
Okay, son, make a wish.
Hey, Carlton, bet you can't blow them all out.
Oh, yeah? Well, I got 20 that says I can.
Hey, Will, you want some action on this? I can beat you.
I'll blow it out.
- You're not in Vegas anymore.
- You wanna bet on this? [TALKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Blackjack.
Man, that's three in a row.
I should be taking you to Vegas with me instead of Carlton.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Pay the man.
You know what that is? Irritating.
It's energy generated by the most awesome source of natural power in the world.
What, the static from Uncle Phil's corduroys? The Hoover Dam.
Here, I got you this book so when we get to Vegas, you'll be Hoover savvy.
I'm getting goose bumps.
You too? Okay, guys.
Here you go.
Here are your airplane tickets and your hotel confirmation.
Thanks.
This is gonna be the greatest birthday present ever.
It's a shame you have to go to Sacramento.
Oh, I know.
I know.
But, son, this isn't just a birthday, this is your 21st birthday.
And this isn't just a trip, it's a rite of passage.
Cheyenne Indians used to take a young brave and leave him in the desert and he'd have to fend for himself with nothing but a knife.
But when he left that desert, he was a man.
There's certainly some places in this desert where a brother can become a man.
[CHUCKLES.]
I don't know where none of them at, you know, you know, but I'm gonna go ahead and get my knife.
[SINGING "THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR" THEME.]
[WOMEN LAUGHING.]
WOMEN: Aww.
Okay, ladies, I'm leaving.
They don't hear you, sir.
They've begun their women's weekend.
Right now, they're in phase one.
Chick flicks and mint Milanos.
I said, I'm leaving.
Well, it's not like you're going off to war, sir.
I just know that one day Thelma and Louise will make it to the other side of the canyon.
CARLTON: Somebody pinch me.
I'm in the same city with Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, and Engelbert Humperdinck.
So many shows, so little time.
Ugh.
WILL: I can't believe I'm in the same city as Girls, Girls, Girls.
Oh! So many shows, so little time.
Whoo-hoo! Bells ringing, money flowing.
We are certainly not in Kansas anymore.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, Auntie Em, Dorothy got a miniskirt on.
We've entered the world of temptation.
A word to the wise, beware.
All right, here's the plan.
First, we split up - And? - That's it.
We just split up.
All right, I get it.
We'll gamble for about an hour or so, but then we have to hit the hay.
We don't wanna miss sunrise at Hoover Dam.
They say it starts out mauve.
You're an odd little man, aren't you? Yeah.
Change for a dollar, please.
There's a $5 minimum, sir.
Outrageous.
We're out of here, Will.
Whoa, wait a minute, Carlton.
Relax, man.
Can I get change for 100, please? A hundred? Are you insane? Change 100.
See, she can't believe it either.
Okay.
"You're at a friend's house for Christmas dinner and you find a dead cockroach in your salad.
What do you do?" I eat around it, because cockroaches go straight to my thighs.
- I'd switch plates with Carlton.
HILARY: Ha-ha.
Okay, Hilary, it's your turn.
I'll ask you a question.
"Would it bother you much if upon your death your body was simply thrown into the woods and abandoned?" Does it say what I'm wearing? [WOMEN SCREAM.]
Geoffrey, you scared us.
Ahem.
I'm sorry, madam.
It's just that I've never seen you three without your makeup before.
Okay, Geoffrey, fine.
A question for you.
"If you could use a voodoo doll to hurt anyone you chose, would you?" Miss Ashley, if it hasn't worked by now - Aah! - Perhaps it's kicking in.
No, I saw a mouse.
- Are you sure? - Of course, I'm sure.
What'd it look like? Like Mickey, only without the big white gloves.
- Oh, my God.
I see it! - Geoffrey, get it! - Which way did it go? ALL: That way! Thank you.
No.
WILL: All right.
First, I'll take odds on my point.
Give me a 12-dollar six and eight, Give me five on the come, five in the field.
Keep my hard ways working for me.
Oh, yeah.
Split me up $10.
Boxcars and yo.
And here's a buck.
Spread it around.
Give me them.
Give me them.
Give me them.
DEALER: Nine.
Winner.
Whoo! Give me the loot.
Give me the loot.
I'm a bad, bad man.
[LAUGHS.]
WILL: All right.
All right.
Show me 20.
Show me 20.
Show me 20.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Oh, come on, baby.
Come on, baby.
[WILL AND PLAYERS YELLING.]
[BLOWING.]
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! [SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
All right, come on.
It's your turn.
Roll them, C.
All right, fine.
Come to papa.
WILL: Come on, aren't you gonna bet something? Yes, I put $5 on red and 5 on black.
That'll cancel your bet out.
You can't win like that.
Maybe so, but I can't lose either.
- Not unless it comes up DEALER: Double zero, green.
[HUFFS.]
One penny, two penny, three No, better not take the chance.
Yes, I've got it.
Hey.
Hey, Carlton.
Oh, man, you are never gonna believe this.
Let me tell you, I'm at this crap table, right? It's crazy.
I'm just barking numbers like, boom, seven, boom, 11.
The crowd is going crazy.
The girls are like, "Willy Smith, is that you?" I'm like, "Who you think it is?" They're going crazy.
They all love me.
I'm throwing back doors, yos, Little Joes, all that kind of stuff.
I'm just straight jacking the casino for their loot.
Man, I was like a crap Mandingo.
- So, what happened? - Hey, can you spot a brother 20? I cannot believe you froze me up right in the middle of my comeback.
Hi, my name is Will Smith, and I'm a gambleholic.
Carlton, come on, man.
Didn't you feel the juice? Will, that's the devil's juice.
I'm about to have me some of the devil's eggs and bacon too.
Ha! Very funny, Will.
Now hand it over.
- What? - You were right there when Dad said it.
"Keep an eye on Will.
Make sure he doesn't get out of control.
Make sure he doesn't drink the devil's juice.
" Man, he ain't say none of that.
You are so far gone.
Now hand over all your money.
Is that gonna shut you up? Yes.
Now let's get some shuteye.
Look, man, I ain't tired.
Do you want to miss Hoover Dam? Hoover Dam.
I don't wanna see no damn Hoover Dam.
It's more beautiful than I thought.
It is mauve.
[SCREAMS.]
Hey, Carlton.
Carlton.
Come on, eight, eight, eight.
I need an eight.
I want an eight.
Eight.
Eight.
Eight.
Give me an eight.
Carlton, what the hell are you doing? What am I doing? I'm gambling.
What do you think? Come on, eight.
Carlton, you can't put all your money on one number.
And the winner is eight.
Yes! Eight.
I won.
I love you, man.
You know I always loved you, man.
Ha-ha-ha.
Place your bets.
- Hey, hey, so how much are you up? - We're not up.
We're down.
What you mean "we"? Well, after I maxed out all my credit cards Carlton, you maxed out all your credit cards? I had to.
I couldn't get full value for the airline tickets.
You hocked our airline tickets? Well, what do you expect? I only got $200 out of your ATM card.
A word to the wise, Will, never leave your PIN number in your wallet.
You took my wallet? Carlton, how much is left? - Whatever's left on the table.
- Wait a minute.
Aah! - And the winner is eight - Yes! teen.
- No! No, wait, wait.
Wait a minute.
It was 18, we had eight.
We should get something.
What a rush.
You feel that? What a ride.
Carlton, you lost all our money.
Oh, please.
I'm not ready to come down just yet.
What the hell were you thinking, man? I was so excited about going to Hoover Dam, I couldn't sleep.
So I figured I'd come down and place a little harmless bet and I won.
You know, I tried to walk away but the crap table just kept calling me.
"Carlton.
Carlton.
" And then the blackjack table was saying, "You can do it.
" And then the slot machines just started yelling: "Hey, you tall handsome guy, come shake my hand.
" These are all my new friends.
My God, they're pumping a lot of oxygen into this room.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
That was the worst night of my life.
Tossing and turning, thinking about that mouse.
What are you complaining about? I'm the one who caught it and got rid of it.
Mommy, Ashley's bothering me.
Ashley, stop bothering your sister.
- Big baby.
- She did it again.
We have the whole day to ourselves without men.
- So, what are we gonna do? - Go to the mall and scam on guys.
See, Mom, she is so immature.
It's Saturday, the guys are at the gym.
I think the whole point of this is for us to bond without men.
- Can we talk about men? - No.
- Not even negatively? - What you got? Okay, tell me something.
Now, are all men hard of hearing or is it just that they don't wanna listen to anything we have to say? Right.
We have to listen until we're blue in the face about cars, sports money, their precious careers, and then if we wanna talk about something that's really important to us, they can't be bothered.
[CHUCKLES.]
Wait, how about this? How about when they never listen? Heh.
Wow, Will, the casino's head office.
Can't you just feel the money? I mean, my God, look at all the animal heads in here.
Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of a hat.
- Shut up, Carlton.
- Ow! Now, come on, the only way that my plan is gonna work is if you follow my instructions to the letter.
- Great.
What are the instructions? - "Shut the hell up.
" - Hello, gentlemen.
- How you doing? Will Smith.
Pleasure.
I understand you gentlemen would like to discuss a little business.
Heh.
A little? Pshh.
We got something that is gonna rock your world.
- Rock away.
- All right.
Well, you know, we were talking - Have a seat.
- Oh.
[CHUCKLING.]
We were just walking around in your beautiful casino you know, fully caught up in the magic and the fun and the excitement and we suffered a minor cash-flow problem.
I feel your pain.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Listen, "Fred.
" I can call you Fred, right? - Sure.
My associate and I, we wanna make you a very, very rich man.
Too late.
[LAUGHING.]
He said, "Too late.
" He put the ring up.
You know, he said, "Too late.
" You know, I like this guy.
No, no, but seriously, you know Now, are you familiar with the term "money making money"? - Sure.
- Let me paint you a little picture.
Now, we're out and we're hanging around in your delightful casino.
I mean, we are shooting craps and we're playing cards and the crowd is excited.
I mean, they are really excited.
And they're saying to themselves: "Wow, look at these guys.
They're losing, but look how much fun they're having.
" And then it hits them.
Losing is more fun than winning.
They're saying to themselves, "Wow, how can we get in on the fun?" Before you know it, people start talking, and they're saying: "Hey, honey, go ahead, draw to the inside straight.
You got 20, so what? Hit it.
" People at the crap tables, "Come on, snake eyes.
Let's go, snake eyes.
" People will come to your casino to lose.
Huh? Ching-ching.
Huh? You can feel the electricity, can't you? You can feel it, right? Oh, yeah.
I feel it.
I knew you would.
You know, I mean, there's one hitch though.
I mean, we're out in the casino, we're working our tail off for you and we lost all our money.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, so you want your money back? That is why you are you.
You deserve every one of them heads, Fred.
[LAUGHS.]
Carlton, you taking notes from this man? Y'all taking notes from this man? So then it's settled.
Chips are fine.
Uh Is there anything else? Well, I don't know.
I wouldn't mind catching a show.
- Just name it.
- Tom Jones.
Who? You know what? Never mind.
Never mind.
So where do we go from here? Are you gonna give it to us or should we go out to the cashier? Basically, where we go from here is that I'm gonna count to three and if you gentlemen are not out of my office, I've got space for you on my wall.
[SPEAKS IN GERMAN.]
CARLTON: I still don't know what happened.
I mean, I went into the desert just like my father said.
I had my knife.
But how is a brave suppose to concentrate with all these bells and whistles? Not to mention the keno girls.
How am I gonna call my father and tell him I'm an utter and absolute failure? I don't think it's gonna be the shock that you think it is.
Well, at least I know it's over.
The insanity is done.
I'm Carlton again.
- Carlton, look, a quarter.
- Oh, it's mine.
It's mine.
You're pathetic.
You're right.
I've hit rock bottom.
How come you can see the quarter and I can't? Because there ain't no quarter, man.
Now get on the phone and call Uncle Phil.
Will, it's a sign.
You're an imbecile, but we still have to call Uncle Phil.
- But you don't understand.
- Carlton It's a dance contest and I'm a dancing machine.
Huh? Huh? [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Wow, the competition's even stiffer than I thought.
[SCOFFS.]
Please.
My mom got better moves than that the time her girdle slipped in Church.
All right.
Okay, thank you.
That was rad.
We're gonna welcome our next contestants all the way from Bel-Air, California.
Please welcome Will the Thrill and Boogaloo Shrimp.
[SUGARHILL GANG'S "APACHE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
Tonto Jump on it Jump on it Jump on it Kemosabi Jump on it Jump on it Jump on it Custer Jump on it Jump on it Jump on it Apache Jump on it Jump on it I'm Big Bank I am the Chief I got a lot of raps But I'll be real I never need a horse I like to chill [SIGHS.]
We were up, we were down, we were all around and suddenly out of nowhere, they just ripped our hearts out.
Look, see, it doesn't matter how many bruises and scars you got.
The important thing is you came out of that desert alive, and a man.
A very odd little man, but a man.
Yeah, I did, didn't I? I just wish we could've won that dance contest.
I mean, how dare they give us the booby prize.
Hey look, man, that booby prize paid our way home.
Trust me, Will, I will never gamble again.
ALL [SINGING.]
: Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Carlton Happy birthday to you [LAUGHING.]
Okay, son, make a wish.
Hey, Carlton, bet you can't blow them all out.
Oh, yeah? Well, I got 20 that says I can.
Hey, Will, you want some action on this? I can beat you.
I'll blow it out.
- You're not in Vegas anymore.
- You wanna bet on this? [TALKING INDISTINCTLY.]