The Leftovers (2014) s03e06 Episode Script

Certified

1 I gave up.
After the four miscarriages, we tried IVF.
40 grand for three eggs.
We joked about how we were gonna end up with triplets and whether we should make their names rhyme.
But none of them stuck.
Not the names, the eggs.
And that was that.
I gave up.
No baby for me.
And then five years went by and we finally stopped bullshitting about adoption, and then it just happened.
(CHUCKLES) I was pregnant.
And he was perfect.
His name is Sam.
Six months later, I walk into the Laundromat and I strap him into his car seat.
And he was crying, so I didn't kiss him.
I knew that once the car was moving, he'd calm down.
And then he was gone.
So, I sit in the parking lot and wait all day, because he could come back, right? They could all come back.
And if they did, it'd be on the exact spot where they disappeared from.
So, my son, who doesn't even know how to crawl, I mean, he didn't.
It's been two years.
Maybe he's older now? But he could just reappear in a fucking parking lot.
And if I'm not there, if I'm not there when he comes back, what happens? Do you think he even remembers me? I should stop.
That's what my husband said.
I need to give up, right? (SNIFFLING) Right? Are you gonna say something? You know there are two of those bitches in white standing out front right now, smoking their fucking cigarettes? They probably think your patients are easy pickings.
If I asked them to tell me what to do, they'd at least write it down for me.
Is that what I should do? Tell me what to fucking do.
I don't know.
(MUSIC PLAYING) (MUSIC PLAYING) (INHALES) (RETCHING) (WATER RUNNING) (SOBBING) (MUSIC STOPS) (BIRDS CHIRPING) (DISTANT DOG BARKING) Tell me what to do.
(MUSIC PLAYING) Suicide, it's a suicide Suicide, it's a suicide Suicide, it's a suicide Suicide, it's a suicide So you want to die, commit suicide Dial 1-800-Cyanide line Far as life, yo, it ain't worth it Put a rope around your neck and jerk it The trick didn't work Your life was fucked up from the first day of birth After watching Jackie Gleason walk into a precinct Gun down the captain for no fucking reason And get some LSD or a drink from the bar Get behind your wheel and crash the car Like Desert Storm Got bombs for the war Confront an alligator Let it eat you raw Back to the function, riding the caboose to hell Bzzt, touched the third rail You fucked up, chicken Now you just got fried 'Cause it's a suicide Suicide, it's a suicide Suicide, it's a suicide Suicide, it's a suicide 'Cause we all die.
(ENGINE TURNS OFF) Hey, Pop.
Hey, Lorelei.
What you got there? Shoes.
- It's one hell of a shiner.
- (CHUCKLES) You should see the other guy.
I take it your husband told you we were here.
Which husband? I heard you were with the good Reverend Jamison.
He coming, too? No.
He gave me something for you, though.
(CAR DOOR OPENS) He says he's sorry he didn't put you in his fucking book.
Who torched it? Your son.
Is he here? He was.
Right now, he's off having himself a think.
A think about what? We asked him to die.
(GRUNTS) Again.
(DOOR OPENS) Whatever is happening here I wanna be a part of it.
(SIGHS) (DISTANT DOG BARKING) - (DOG SNARLING, BARKING) - (GASPS) - (FABRIC TEARING) - (GRUNTS) (BARKING) - NORA: What happened? - Dog bit me.
I'm fine.
Just a little rabies.
- (PANTING) - (DOOR CLOSES) (EXHALES) - Is it them? - You tell me.
Dr.
Bekker and Dr.
Eden.
Yeah, that's them.
Told you it was the right house.
They don't look like physicists to me.
What are physicists supposed to look like? I don't know.
Shouldn't they be wearing lab coats or something? So, now what? Now? Now we wait.
(SIGHS) Kevin Sr.
: So, I wake up, my leg is killing me.
I got a tube in my arm, another one up my dick, Christopher Sunday is dead, and I don't know where I am or how the fuck I got there.
And by there, I mean here.
So, I am discom-fucking-bobulated.
I'm lost.
I'm in fucking agony.
I am in so much pain, I can't fucking see straight.
So, I got my hands on some of the dog's pain pills.
I popped them and soon realized they were a bit more powerful than the human variety.
So, I passed out hard, and when I wake up, I go outside, and that is the first time I lay eyes upon this young lady.
And she was drowning the police officer? Mm-hmm.
Whose name is Kevin.
Correct.
It was a horrible mistake, and I will be taking responsibility for what I've done.
I'm not sure she understands.
Laurie: I understand.
You want to drown Kevin so that he can go to this place where the dead people are.
And while he's there, he's going to learn a song from one of the dead people and he's gonna bring that song back to you so you can sing it and stop the biblical flood that's gonna happen tomorrow.
That about covers it.
And and you've told all this to Kevin and he's actually considering it.
Yeah.
He got one of Grace's horses, headed out, said he'd be back by sundown.
And you think that Evie that she's in this place, too? Why wouldn't she be? Well, so everybody wants something.
(CHUCKLES) A brain, a heart, courage.
Kevin's in the Emerald City.
He's the one that's gonna give it to you.
All right, Dorothy.
Let's have it.
Tell us we're lunatics.
Yeah, it sounds crazy, but these are crazy times, huh? So, when Kevin comes back, you're not gonna jam us up? No.
I'm not gonna jam you up.
You don't think he's coming back.
Well, it's a lot to to put on someone, asking for all that help.
I mean, if it were me, I would just keep riding.
Get as far from this as possible.
But Kevin, he'll come back.
He always does.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) (KNOCKING CONTINUES) G'day.
Miss Playford? No, sir.
And who might you be? WOMAN'S VOICE: My name is Maria Carmen Rodriguez.
Date of birth 08-30-80.
This is a copy of this morning's "Las Noticias.
" This was my choice and mine alone.
I indemnify all others.
I'm of sound mind and body and give consent to go - (SNORING) - to go wherever they went.
Amen.
So, the two women in that house, they recorded this? One would assume.
Laurie: And we're also assuming they're just gonna lead us right to this device they told you about? You don't have to stay, Laurie.
You can go help Kevin.
Kevin's still at the airport.
Last I checked, all the flights were grounded.
Well, Michael and John will call me if they need me.
I'm happy to keep helping here.
You already helped by finding me the address.
Oh, come on.
You're not gonna let me see this suicide machine for myself? - It's not a suicide machine.
- It's not? 'Cause it sure seems like an incredibly elegant way to kill yourself.
If I was gonna kill myself, I'd just go scuba diving.
(CHUCKLES) What? There are lots of ways to die when you're scuba diving.
Your oxygen tank can break.
You can get a bubble in your blood that gives you a stroke.
I know.
I'm certified.
And Laurie Murphy was certified.
She had logged hundreds of hours underwater, but accidents happen.
What a senseless tragedy.
And then Jill and Tom and John are standing there at the funeral, and they're protected.
They'll never know that you twisted the knob the wrong direction because you wanted to.
And just like that, you were gone.
Clean, quiet certainty.
Fully explained.
Now, that's fucking elegant.
(GRUNTS) Can I have a napkin, please? Or if you're going for inelegant, you could just do it like Matt here.
Know your cancer's back, - tell no one - (SIGHS) get no treatment, pray for divine fucking intervention.
- That's not fair.
- MATT: Yes, it is.
(EXHALES) I deserve that.
You you don't wanna kill yourself.
- I know suicidal when I see it.
- (NORA SCOFFS) You know suicidal when you see it? Is that one of your psychic powers? - I don't have psychic powers.
- Mm! Oh, that's right.
It's John who's psychic.
Come on.
You know how it works.
I don't, actually, because I never got a reading.
(LAURIE SIGHS) Why don't you do me? What? If I came to your house and John took my handprint and I sat down across from him at the table and I told him that I wanted to talk to my kids, what would you tell him to say to me in his little earpiece? We don't do departures.
Uh, do our parents.
They're dead.
Okay.
Um, well, I'd start on the Internet.
Look at social media, pictures, um, personal details.
Like, your parents, how did they die? In a fire when we were kids.
- I didn't know that.
- (MATT GRUNTS) Nora: Oh, fuck my parents.
I wanna talk to my kids.
I just told you, Nora.
We don't do departures.
You did departures when you and your pals had life-size replicas made of my family and then sat them down at my kitchen table.
Come on.
Let me have it.
I can't, Nora.
I'm sorry.
Why not? Because we tried it, and it doesn't work.
We had to stop after the third time John was attacked.
Yeah.
Look, death is easy.
People just want finality, an end to their grief.
But with departures, there is no end.
And if we indicated otherwise by just saying we were able to communicate with those individuals, it made their loved ones very, very angry.
Because they didn't want closure.
I want fucking closure.
- (MUSIC PLAYING) - I know.
That's why we're here.
Kneel at the cross Christ will meet you there Come while he waits - He's gonna find that body.
- Well, let's hope he doesn't.
It's gonna be okay, sweetie.
Matt gave this to you? - Is he okay? - Yeah, he's fine.
He's still with Nora.
And where is Nora? Uh, sorry.
I can't disclose that.
You can't disclose it? Look, when we all found Nora in the hotel, you said you were going to the airport to be with Kevin.
And he wasn't there.
So, I called him and he actually answered his phone.
He said he was here and that we should come.
- So, why didn't you tell me? - Because you don't believe in this.
- Hey, just calm down.
- Uh-uh.
No.
She just shows up.
She won't even tell us how she even knew we were here.
You wanna disclose how you got that black eye? I got it from Nora.
She hit you? Thought you were supposed to be helping her.
- I did help her.
- And now she's helping us, right? That's right.
That's right.
(GASPS) - (GASPS) - Hey! You wanna give us a hand? (MATT GRUNTS) Nora: What are those? Steroids.
You got any painkillers? - Headache? - Nah.
My uterus hurts.
Before you got to the hotel, I went to a clinic and got my IUD taken out.
And they said it might be a little sore.
Told me to take a couple ibuprofen.
Jesus.
So, you're trying again.
- What? - Nothing.
I just thought you would might be done after you gave Lily back to her mother.
I am done.
Still smoking, huh? No, I quit.
I haven't had a cigarette since John and I got together.
You stopped for him? - No.
- (BOTH CHUCKLING) I stopped for myself.
It's an incredibly self-destructive habit.
That's what makes it so cool.
Laurie: My lighter? Can I have it back, please? You said you quit.
- I did.
- Then you don't need it.
Please give it back.
Like I did with Lily? (CHUCKLES) - Give me the lighter, Nora.
- Come on, Nora.
- She said she doesn't need it.
- Give it to me! Hey! Get off! Shit! - Get off! - Ow! Oh, shit.
- Oh, God.
Shit.
Are you okay? - They're leaving.
- What? - They're leaving! (PANTING, GRUNTING) Fuck.
(ENGINE STARTS) Go down.
- (ENGINE SPUTTERING) - What the fuck? You steal this thing? Said the man who just assaulted an officer of the law.
Eh, he'll be fine.
I had no choice.
His chief's in a tarp under the goddamn church.
He was heading right for it.
Where are you gonna take him? (SIGHS) Far enough away from civilization to give us time.
You're just gonna leave him? Well, here's the good news.
If this thing with Kevin doesn't work, who gives a shit? Officer Koalafart here is gonna drown in the flood tomorrow along with all the rest of us.
But if it does work, sweet Lorelei I will be honored to spend my remaining days locked away from the world I just saved.
(ENGINE STARTS) It's getting late.
I should be getting dinner ready.
I'll be back before it's on the table.
(THUNDER RUMBLES) Storm's coming.
(THUNDER RUMBLING) What you drinking? Just some coffee.
Want some? Ah, Jesus, that's good.
Remember when we went to coffee for the first time, just you and me? Of course I do.
I was hurting.
You reached across the table, took my hands, and looked at me, and I felt like I could've told you anything.
But what I couldn't tell you I thought my daughter might still be alive.
Erika never doubted it.
She took it in and moved on.
But me, I just I just couldn't believe it.
I should've told you.
(CHUCKLES) Well, if you had, I wouldn't have talked you into helping people talk to their dead relatives.
- (LAUGHS) - Mm.
I thought I was helping you.
Should've taken the hint when you shredded the money.
No, I shredded the money because what we were doing wasn't real.
And this is.
Is it? Do you want Kevin to ask Evie why she left her family? No.
I asked him to give her a message.
I want her to know that she was loved.
That's beautiful, John.
One of Grace's kids was fostered out of a local tribe.
He loved boats.
When his family found out he died, some of his cousins came down here to leave a mark.
Grace told them to strip the church.
Took the wood from the church to make a tombstone for his little boy, a memorial.
Then that crazy old man got here and became convinced it was a part of his flood story.
I still believe him.
Because if I throw out his story, that means I got to throw out mine, too.
Go ahead.
Tell me I'm crazy.
Tell me we've gone too far.
Tell me, and we can go home right now and forget all this.
Because I can still shred it.
I think you gotta see it through, John.
You're so close.
Matt: You're getting too close! - They're gonna see you! - Calm down.
I know what I'm doing.
Is your eye okay? Yeah, it's fine.
I wasn't trying to hit you.
C'est la vie.
Did you hear about the guy on the French submarine? - What? - The one who fired the nuke.
Apparently, he thought there was some big egg in a volcano in the middle of the Pacific, and he was convinced that this giant seven-headed sea monster was gonna hatch on the 14th and eat us all.
He said he got the idea from Revelations.
That's ridiculous.
Revelations is not supposed to be taken literally.
The seven-headed monster, it's a metaphor.
Oh, so it's only literal when it's not ridiculous? - That's right.
- (LAUGHS) You would know.
So, let's say this guy comes and sits on your couch and he says, "Hey, Doc, I have access to nuclear weapons and I need to destroy Godzilla.
" What do you even say to someone like that? - Don't miss.
- (PHONE BUZZING, CHIMING) - Hello? - Laurie, hey.
It's Michael.
Hi.
- Are you at the airport? - No.
We're at it's a ranch outside of Melbourne.
You're at a ranch? - Wh-what - Kevin wasn't at the airport.
He was at this ranch.
He's here right now.
His dad found him.
He's with his dad? - Okay.
Um, what - You've got to come now, Laurie.
- 5 Pigeon Run Road.
- Okay.
Outside Makarra.
5 Pigeon Run Road.
- Is your dad there? - Just get here as soon as you can.
- Are you okay? - (BEEPS) Hello? What happened? Kevin's at a ranch with his father.
That's good.
Tomorrow's a big day.
We should all be with family.
Grace: There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus No, not one No, not one (HUMMING) No one else could heal Is this enough carrots? That's plenty, love.
My husband, he used to do all the cooking.
I spent years trying to get the stew to taste exactly like his.
I even got it right once.
- Then I forgot what I did.
- (CHUCKLES) Well, it smells delicious.
Was he a good husband? Kevin.
He was a great husband.
He saved me.
But you divorced him.
Yeah.
Well, I joined a cult.
You know, it was just one of those things they made you do.
Oh.
I'm so sorry about your children.
Their shoes were missing.
Sorry? When they found their bodies, it was clear that they'd been walking for quite some time, but their shoes were missing.
They weren't here at the house, they weren't with the kids.
I've covered the ground in between a hundred times.
Looked through every pair donated to charity inside a hundred kilometers.
When Kevin talks to them, he's gonna ask them where they put their shoes.
I need to go set the table.
Mind giving it a stir? Sure.
Not much of a last supper.
Well, you certainly cleaned your plate for not liking it.
No, the food is scrumptious.
I'm just saying not much of a last supper without our Jesus.
(YAWNS) I think I'm gonna go to lie down for a bit.
Wake me when he comes back.
Truth is, along with our missing fucking savior, we also appear to be short some apostles.
Our friend Matthew conspicuously absent.
Fortunately, I will play the part of Peter.
(CHUCKLES) You are already John.
What about you, kid? You wanna be Simon, Bartholomew? - Pass.
- Oh.
(CHUCKLES) We all have to be somebody.
(SNIFFS) Somebody who was there at Christ's last huzzah.
So, that would make me Mary Magdalene.
Mm, that would be Nora.
Also conspicuously absent.
You, Dr.
Garvey, are one apostle, and one apostle only.
Thomas.
Doubting Thomas.
Mm.
When I first started hearing voices back in Mapleton, everyone around me told me I was fucking nuts.
Everyone.
Except you.
You were the one person who believed me.
You said those voices were really there.
(EXHALES) The next thing I knew I was locked up in a fucking mental institution.
So you're wrong, Pop.
I'm not Thomas.
I'm Judas.
Doubting is easy because doubting costs you nothing.
But Judas, he was surrounded by people going on and on about how special Jesus was.
But he betrayed him anyway.
Because he was sure he believed in something.
And he acted on it.
And then he killed himself.
What, sweetie? Judas collected his 30 pieces of silvers and he hung himself.
(HICCUPS) - You all right? - (HICCUPS) If he if he was so sure, why'd he kill himself? Well, Michael, I was not aware of that part of the story.
I have no idea why he killed himself.
Did he leave a note? Hey.
(KEVIN SR.
GROANS) Hey, are you? - Hey.
- (GROANS) Are you all right? Wh Michael? He's fine.
He's just sleeping.
I'm sorry.
It's true (GROANS) I borrowed your pills.
(BIRDS CHIRPING) Looks real.
Indeed, it does.
So, is this the part where you call the DSD and shut this operation down? Do you remember when we were kids after Mom and Dad died, when everyone at the church wouldn't take their eyes off us? And they'd take us to the movies and bowling and Putt-Putt just to keep us busy? Of course I do.
And this one time, they brought us to a baseball game, and I was too young to get the rules, so I I watched these people in another section hitting a beach ball.
And the whole stadium was getting into it.
And when the ball came over to our seats, you stood up and you just whacked it.
It was the first time I'd seen you smile in forever.
But then the ball went into the aisle and this usher ran down and grabbed it and he picked it up, and he just squeezed the air out of it.
And then everyone started booing.
Not just the people in our section, but the whole stadium, booing.
He just ruined it for all of them.
They just wanted to hit the ball.
Why would he wanna do that job? Why would anyone? Because if he doesn't that ball is gonna go onto the field and it would be fucking chaos.
(CRYING) (EXHALES) (SNIFFLES) You can take the van.
I don't need it anymore.
You wanna drive or should I? Actually, I think I'm gonna stay here for a while.
People should be with their families, right? Okay.
(CHUCKLES) Can you, uh, give this to Senior and tell him I'm sorry I didn't put him in my fucking book? And tell Kevin I'm sorry I did.
(SIGHS) Thank you.
Do you have to tell them I did this? Give me a dollar.
- I only have hundreds.
- (CHUCKLES) Give me, um give me your cigarettes.
Congratulations, Nora Durst.
You are now officially my patient.
Same time next week? You're on.
(MUSIC PLAYING) Hi.
Hey.
John called you? Michael did.
They said you were with Nora.
I was.
You help her find what she was looking for? I think so.
Where's everybody? Inside, sleeping.
I drugged their food.
Jesus, Laurie.
Well, I wanted to talk to you.
Just the two of us.
I didn't think they would let that happen.
You know what they want me to do? You came here to talk me out of it? No.
I'm here to say good-bye.
Want a cigarette? Yeah.
"Don't forget me.
" Is this the lighter Jill gave you? I threw it in a sewer grate and then went back for it.
Don't tell Jill that.
That's nothing.
I killed her hamster.
- You what? - Yeah.
When you guys went down to that mock UN thing, didn't fucking feed it.
I went up there about an hour before you got home and it was dead.
(BOTH LAUGHING) Went to the neighbor's trash and threw it in there.
Told you guys it ran away.
Well, rest in peace, Mr.
Fuzzy.
Mr.
Funny.
(LAUGHING) It was Mr.
Funny.
That's right.
It was Mr.
fucking Funny.
Remember that psychosomatic medical conference thing I went to in Phoenix? I lasted two hours.
And then I went to a spa that cost $2,000 a night.
I hated our house.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
I mean, I didn't say anything because it was your money that bought it.
Well, you should've said something.
- It was our house.
- You loved it.
I wanted you to be happy.
I was pregnant.
What? I was pregnant.
16 weeks.
I don't, um when? Seven years ago tomorrow.
I was lying in the doctor's office, staring at the ultrasound.
Looking right at it.
Then it was gone.
Why didn't you tell me? We raised two beautiful kids.
It's the best thing we ever did.
The last best thing.
(CHUCKLES) Did you want another baby? No.
Me neither.
I didn't tell you because I didn't want to.
And then then I didn't have to.
Are you scared? Scared of what? Scared of them strapping you to a seesaw and holding you under the water until you drown.
The last time it happened, where I went, that was so it was real.
Maybe I was dead, but I had never felt so alive.
No, I'm not scared.
Then I'm not scared either.
And it could work, so I could come back.
I really hope you do.
Will you stay? I can't.
(SNIFFLES) Uh, wait, wait, wait.
Got your lighter.
Oh, you can keep it.
I quit.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks.
Is Nora gone? We're all gone.
Bye, Laurie.
Good-bye, Kevin.
(MUSIC PLAYING) (MOTOR REVS) Far out as I can take you with that storm rolling in.
If you're gonna go, you best go now.
Okay.
(THUNDER RUMBLING) (PHONE BUZZING) - Hi, honey.
- Mom, thank God you answered.
I have a very important question.
- TOMMY: She doesn't know! - Shut up! She's gonna remember.
Mom, do you remember that one time when I was, like, five and you found this videotape at a garage sale and I was obsessed with it? Tommy: Tell her she's making this up, Mom! - It doesn't exist.
- It does exist! I remember it! It had a mannequin that had this hat that made it come to life and there was a goose on a rainbow and this creepy guy puppet that, like, worked at a department store.
"Today's Special.
" "Today's Special"! Yes! Oh, my God.
Fucking "Today's Special.
" Eat it, you fucker.
Fuck, yes.
- (TOMMY CHUCKLES) Yeah, yeah, okay.
- I knew you'd remember.
You know how many times I had to listen to that theme song? (JILL LAUGHS) I'm really sorry I put you through that.
It was just a phase.
I forgive you.
So, hey, Tommy said Dad and Nora went to Australia? I tried calling them.
What's up with that? Who knows? What are you doing right now? Where are you? I'm just hanging out.
By yourself? On the anniversary? Yeah.
It's, uh it's kind of nice, actually.
Okay.
Well, enjoy your solitude.
- I love you, Mom.
- I love you, honey.
Tell Tommy I love him.
Mom loves you, you fucking idiot.
(TOMMY LAUGHS) I love you, too, Mommy! - Bye, kids.
- JILL: Bye.
Love you.
- (THUNDER RUMBLES) - MAN: Miss? Now or never.
(EXHALES) (EXHALES) (SPLASHES) (WATER SLOSHING) (THUNDER RUMBLING)
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