The Legend of Vox Machina (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

1 Stop! Get back here! Where'd they go? You see 'em? Over here! Come on! Eyes open, lads! Quickly, men! They went this way! Come on.
They can't be far.
Oh, man, being bad is so exciting.
Ooh, crime doesn't pay, but it is entertaining.
No! Uh, we weren't breaking in or anything.
Just, you know, sort of on the run.
A quick stop at your store on our way out of town.
While it was closed.
I assume you were going to leave an IOU? - Uh - Hmm.
Of course, darling.
You know us.
All too well.
Dagger, dagger, dagger wooden stake.
Perfect.
I'll take these enchanted arrows.
And as much garlic as you can spare.
Ugh.
I don't want to know.
No, that's a lie.
I absolutely want to know.
What's this all about? We kind of pissed off a vampire.
And our healer's out of commission.
Mm.
Then may I suggest the addition of something special? Holy water.
One of the only things truly known to stop a vampire.
Well, that and direct sunlight.
We will take all the holy water you've got.
You're looking at it.
I'll need to grab a few more things, then.
Oh! Thank you, Rodrigo.
You're a gem.
One must have a bit of company while handsome half-elves are off thwarting evil.
I'll bet you say that to all the fugitives.
Oh.
- Uh, um - You mentioned direct sunlight.
Oh, yes.
But you need more sunlight than summer in Marquet.
Well, that seems unlikely.
By the way, I don't think I have to mention that we were never here? It'll be our little secret.
Need some help, love? I'm fine.
Thanks.
I It's okay.
I'll just stay this way.
For forever.
Press the tooth of each snake at the same time, dear.
Ah, cool.
Thanks, Vax.
Uh Wonder what we have over here.
Oh.
Speaking of secrets - Sir Gilmore.
- Hmm? For your friends, how much is this going to run us? Hmm.
Oi! Slow asses! Check it out.
We got a good deal on the cart.
Practically, literally a steal.
How'd you do? Let's just say I'd hate to see what Gilmore charges - his enemies.
- Hyah! Please stop that.
I'm trying to concentrate.
Oh, is that what you're doing? I thought you were practicing your resting bitch face.
Excuse me.
My bitch face? You're heading home.
Figured you'd look happier.
This isn't a homecoming.
This is a suicide mission to topple the necromantic murderers of my family.
And for the record, I have a magnificent bitch face.
- Do you, now? - Yes, I do.
Lots of practice.
Any luck translating? Uh, totally.
Uh, some.
Okay, yeah, most of it's impossible.
But, I mean, look at this.
This is some messed-up shit.
I-I mean all I can make out is one word of Delilah's craptastic scribble.
Something called a "zippertwat.
" Uh, okay, yeah, actually, I think it's a ziggurat.
Oh.
Thank God.
'Cause what I was picturing was, like - whoa.
- They spent hours teaching me stuff like this for my Aramenté.
Ziggurats were ancient structures used for contacting gods.
Huh.
Wish I could help more, but I fell asleep a lot in Ancient Abyssal class.
Hmm.
Then we're hopelessly fucked.
We definitely are.
Oh, please tell me you're not shitting in another cart.
It's not working.
- It's too hard.
- Grog, are you crying? No.
Pike said I can talk to her even if she's not here and I'd feel her.
- But it doesn't work.
- Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
Pike is going to be fine.
I know that.
She's stronger than all of us.
I'm more worried about us without her.
Me, too, Grog.
Me, too.
The Whispered One? Percy, you need a break.
Absolutely not.
We need to keep moving.
The Briarwoods are probably back in Whitestone by now.
- Percy, stop.
- I'm not that tired.
No, I mean stop the damn cart.
- Something's tracking us.
- Whoa.
Uh, what was that? - Hmm? - Hmm? Oh, poor little puppers.
Are you hurt, little guy? What the fuck are those? A gift from Lady Briarwood.
What the fu? Scanlan! Hyah! Mmm.
Scanlan, hang on! Come on, Percy! Faster! Hyah! This thing was not built for speed.
And did you just "hyah" me? - Hyah.
- Hyah.
That's just not fair.
I'll take the big one! I'll take the other big one! Sit! Vax! That's for Pike! And me and maybe Scanlan 'cause he probably won't survive! This better be worth it.
Thanks, Gilmore.
Um, are they going over the cliff? They're not the only ones! It's got Scanlan.
We have no choice! I am not dying to save that gnome.
Get me closer! Shoot for its head! Neck! Dick! Come on, Vex! No one breaks balls better than you! He's not wrong.
You missed?! Let go of the book, dumb-ass! Hyah! Off the cart! No.
Scanlan.
He didn't make it.
Rise, mighty Scanlan Rise! Yeah, when I die, it'll be the way the gods intended choked to death by a disgruntled pimp.
Careful what you wish for.
We lost everything.
Well, I mean, at least we still have our holy water-er-er-er No! No! Perfect.
She got what she wanted.
Again.
Well, do you have an update for us? My Lady, the refinement of the Whitestone shale is on track and will be ready at your request.
Excellent.
We have a schedule to keep, but the residuum needs to be pure.
Do not forget that, Professor Anders.
Understood, My Lady.
Everything for the ritual must be in place before the Lord and Lady, the dinner guests you requested.
Ah, splendid.
Welcome, friends.
Supper first, then you'll need to change - into more formal attire.
- Oh? Oh.
Oh, my goodness.
Excuse me, did we win a prize? Yes, little one.
You've been chosen for a very special event.
That's far enough for today.
Let's make camp.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Oops! Little too much.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry! You're fine.
You're fine.
No worries.
Yeah, no worries.
You'll probably get your shit together eventually.
Huh, see here.
Ah.
Okay, let's see what this baby can do.
You got a baby in that thing? What? N-No.
Grog, it's the scroll I picked up from Brimscythe's cave.
Just got to figure out how to make it work.
Okay.
"Nevosh, nevonn, klu, mehon.
" It made you handsomer! Oh, I like it! Nevosh, nevonn, klu, mehon.
Whoa-ho-ho! I like that even more! Nevosh, nevonn, klu, mehon.
Whoa.
Yup.
Now I'm confused and aroused.
Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah.
Hands off.
What the? How the fuck do I look this good? Hmm? This forest reminds me of home a little.
Your home must be nice.
It's beautiful.
And big.
And filled with Ashari I'm supposed to lead someday.
Vex is right.
Maybe I'll never get my shit together.
Don't listen to my sister.
I don't know your people or rituals or what you think you're running from.
But I know you.
I know you care about others.
That's what makes a great leader.
Kiki, I believe in you.
Thanks friend.
Yes? How may I be of service? I I need the Everlight, but Are you all right, my child? I guess Well, the thing is I was helping my friends battle a-a dark mage, and she cracked my holy symbol, and I haven't been able to connect or-or heal or do anything, and now I think I'm cursed.
I know.
I sound crazy.
A curse, you say? Help me.
Please? Whatever has happened to you, child, the Everlight accepts you as you are.
She was a holy, holy gnome Oh, God.
How about, what's the strangest creature you've ever killed? Oh, that's easy.
I will return, and I will find you! Uh-huh.
Heard that before.
Oh! Yeah.
Oh, man, good one.
Yeah, that's pretty crazy.
I think maybe the strangest kill I've ever had would be Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Shh! Shh! Shh, quiet.
Quiet.
Go to sleep.
Pretty dark.
Okay, this one was awesome.
Oh, you - Oh! - That was the best.
Yeah.
Points for originality.
Okay, I've got one.
Hands down, the worst monster I've ever faced.
So what? Yeah, sounds pretty normal for you.
No, no, no, I-I haven't gotten to the good part.
- Ah! Yes! Yes! Yeah! - Huh? Yes! - Aah! - Oh! - Oh, what the fuck?! - Oh, no! What? I still finished.
- I'm gonna be sick.
- I'm very consistent.
How about you, Percy? What's the worst monster you've ever faced? They're in Whitestone.
And we'll all be facing them soon.
Buzzkill.
I keep thinking about when we left Syngorn.
Hmm.
Yeah? Screw that place.
And Father.
Whole thing nearly broke us.
Nearly.
But it didn't.
Because we stuck together.
We didn't let ourselves get distracted by pretty things.
Careful, brother.
Those vines have thorns.
You're imagining things, Stubby.
No one will ever come between us.
You know, sometimes courage is knowing there could be trouble and taking the chance anyway.
So is stupidity.
Almost home.
I never thought I'd see it again.
What's Whitestone like, Percy? Yes, what should we expect? It's beautiful.
Lush.
Orchards always in bloom, thanks to the Sun Tree.
They say it was planted by the Dawnfather a thousand years ago.
It's even engraved here on our family crest.
A symbol of the De Rolos' ties to the city.
At least it used to be.
We're going to help you get it back.
All of it.
We're here.
Percy.
What have they done? No guards? Where is everyone? Uh, no offense, Percy, but your town's kind of creepy as shit.
I need to find Keeper Yennen.
- Who? - A holy woman here.
She'll know what's happened.
- You're sure about her? - She can be trusted.
If she's alive.
Uh, b-big thing there.
There big thing.
We're not safe here.
Come on.
Percy, are you okay? It's us.
Chirp.