The Middle s03e05 Episode Script

The Test

Frankie: Peer pressure-- It can lead you to do stupid things.
Sometimes you smoke, sometimes you drive too fast, and sometimes you get stuck gluing flowers onto an old, rusty station wagon after a whole day's work trying to sell old, rusty station wagons.
Looking good, Frankie.
Thanks so much for helping out with the homecoming float.
Aw, hey, we're neighbours.
It's not like I can just screen your phone calls, right? You see me in my driveway.
(Both laugh) So you ready for Friday? Oh, I'm always ready for Friday.
Usually around 9:00 A.
M.
Monday morning.
Am I right? (Laughter) What about Axl? Is he nervous for the big test? Test? Oh, I don't know.
He hasn't seemed nervous.
My son is a wreck.
The PSATS are a huge deal.
Wait, what? The PSATS? Darrin's been prepping for months.
Oh, Sean, too.
We bought all the practice books.
Okay, 57 messages about decorating a float, not one about the PSATS-- Just saying.
Come on, let's not freak Frankie out.
I mean, the PSATS aren't the only thing that help a kid get into college.
That's why Greg volunteered in the Gulf last summer, cleaning the oil off baby pelicans.
Ohh.
And Sean interned at the capitol.
Okay, come on, guys.
They're juniors.
Isn't this all a little nuts? I mean, we didn't do any of this stuff when we were kids, right? Oh, it's much different now.
Did you hear about what happened to Doug Hornburg? He did everything right-- Great grades, community service, nailed his SATS.
He applied to ten schools and didn't get into one.
(Gasps) Now he lives at home and works for the city, picking up dead animals.
What a shame.
- I heard his mother shops - Terrible.
Look, I'm not worried about Axl.
It's gonna be fine.
For all I know, he's been prepping for the test for months.
I'm sure he's on top of it.
What about me makes you think I'd be on top of it? What about me makes you think I'd be on top of it? You are way behind here, Axl, way behind.
All your friends are totally prepared.
So? You always say if my friends jumped off a bridge, it doesn't mean I should.
This is not a bridge situation.
This time you should have been doing exactly what your friends were doing.
It's your fault! You're supposed to nag me about important stuff like this.
That's the system I'm used to.
Did you know that they've been offering practice tests on Saturday mornings at your school? Nancy donahue told me they've mentioned it numerous times at your morning announcements.
(Scoffs) I don't listen to the morning announcements.
That's my texting time.
You know what? You don't even deserve to go to college.
Fine! I won't! Oh, you're going to college! (Door opens) And as soon as we figure out who our congressman is, you're going to meet him! (Door closes) Go ahead, Sue.
Tell your mom what you just told me in the car.
Well, after considering all my choices for all the teams I could join in high school, I've decided to try out for cheerleading.
Aah! I know what you're thinking.
I'm a cross-country person.
That's what I'm known for.
But x.
C.
Isn't the only sport in the world, and the whole point of high school is that it's a fresh start.
No one is gonna judge me on my past.
Everyone is gonna judge me on my cheerleading talent alone.
She keeps saying that like it's a good thing.
(Sighs) I think what your dad means is, there are so many other teams to try out for.
If you only go out for cheerleading, you might miss out on something more, you know, makeable.
I'm going for it, mom.
After all, you always tell me I should aim high! Did you say that to her? Does it sound like something I would say? (Telephone rings) (Beep) Hello? Oh, yes.
Well, sure.
Is everything all right? No, of course, we'll be right down there.
(Beep, receiver clatters) Well, that was the school.
Brick's in the principal's office, and they want us to come down for a meeting.
What'd he do? I don't know, but she said she just wants to talk to us.
Well, if Brick aimed too high on something, I think we know who to blame.
Now I'm sure you're aware of the situation, and I wanted you to know that there has been a suspension.
Brick! Oh, no, not Brick.
The other boy.
Oh, good.
Wait.
What other boy? The boy.
- There's a boy? - You've been getting bullied? Yep.
Well, I think you'll both be happy to know that through all of the bullying, Brick never fought back.
- Thank God.
- Mmh.
It wasn't that bad.
It was pretty standard bullying.
Wait.
What does that mean? What happened? (Children shouting playfully) He put you in the trash? It's okay.
I know how to get myself out.
(Thud) (Whistles) (Sighs) I don't mind it that much.
Sometimes when I'm in the trash, I get a little light-headed, but today I did find half a banana in there.
Brick! How many times have I told you we don't eat out of the garbage? I saw you eat cake out of it once.
(Whispers) I gave you a dollar not to talk about that.
(Chuckles) Well, that could not have gone better.
I got to tell you, I am really impressed with the way the school handled that whole situation.
Yeah? Well, I think it stinks.
What meeting were you at? I mean, we were in and out of there in 20 minutes.
They handled everything.
She even said it was a pleasure speaking to us.
A pleasure, Mike.
We're a pleasure.
How are you not overjoyed right now? My kid's been living in a trash can for the past two weeks.
Give me some room.
I'll do a cartwheel.
Mike, he was the victim of a bully.
Finally we're the parents of the victim and not the perp.
This is a good day.
I don't know.
I think Brick needs to learn to toughen up.
Lot of trash cans in the world, and not all of 'em are gonna have a half a banana in 'em.
We got to teach him to stand up for himself.
Okay, now you're just looking for work.
Besides, if we're gonna worry about anybody's future, it should be Axl's.
(Scoffs) I'm not worried.
Sean Donahue's gonna be successful.
He'll give him a job someday.
Actually, as it turns out, the person we should have been worried about was Sue.
Both: Rock it up, rock it down, rock it all around.
Go, thundering hens! Whoo! Got it? Okay, now we're going to be taking you one at a time.
You'll do the cheer you were taught and then a self-cheer.
We won't be evaluating you to your face, 'cause that would be, like, really awkward, but if you make the team, you'll be getting a phone call from us by 6:00 tonight.
And if you don't get a phone call, thank you so much, and better luck next year.
Good luck.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Come here, come here.
(Groans) I feel like I've dropped the ball on this whole college thing, so we really need to get ahead of the game, and not just with the PSATS.
So come on.
Let's talk.
All right? (Sighs) So what are your goals? I don't know.
What were your goals? I wanted to live in a tiny house and sell cars.
We're not talking about me.
God, mom, chillax.
I can decide where I want to go later.
You don't just get to decide where you want to go, Axl.
Other people decide if they're gonna let you in, and they're not gonna let you in if you're not prepared, so this is a practice PSAT guide.
I want you to really go through this stuff.
Whoa.
Pump the brakes.
The test isn't until Friday.
I'll look it over on Thursday.
No, Axl, this is what I'm talking about.
You have to change your attitude.
You want your whole life to be like that dream where you show up for the test and you forgot to study? What dream? Oh, come on.
Everybody's had the "I forgot to study" dream.
How could you have not had that dream? Uh, 'cause I'm not a nerd? Most of my dreams involve a flying dragon that's trying to eat the house, but then I ride him to the moon, and we jam out on our guitars.
(Imitates electric guitar) That's what you dream about? Jamming dragons? Mm.
You know what I dream about? Paying bills and feeding you people and, very occasionally, Colin firth, but you should be dreaming about college and-- Sorry to interrupt.
Just want to make sure the phones are working.
(Beep, dial tone) (Beep) Oh, no.
What if they tried to call while I was listening to the dial tone? What if, in that split second, I missed their call? I think you're okay.
(Moans) Look, Axl, your dad and I can nag you forever, but do you think Christopher Columbus' parents nagged him into discovering America? No.
He got on the Nina and the Pinta and The other one-- Why can't I remember that? Because he wanted to.
And he made things happen for himself, and you can, too.
You can.
You have the ability, but you gotta really want it.
(Knock on door) Hey, listen, Brick, I wanted to talk to you about this whole getting-put-in-the-trash thing.
Oh, don't worry, dad.
It didn't bother me.
Well, that's the thing, is it should bother you, 'cause Heck men aren't fine with getting put in the trash.
Oh, the bully might be winning right now, but my time will come.
(Whispers) Time will come.
No, your time is now, Brick.
You got to stand up to this guy, and let him know that he can't mess with you.
Actually, I find that most bullies just want to feel heard.
They want to feel like they're in control, and eventually, once they think they've won, they'll just walk away.
Knock, knock! (Knocks) Is there a phone in here? I'm collecting all the phones, 'cause I want to make sure no one is on the line for when the cheerleaders call.
Axl had it on his bed.
But what if they don't walk away, huh? You gotta learn how to be tough, and I can help you out with that.
Thanks for the offer, but you really don't have to help me.
Are you sure it's over here? No, I do, Brick.
As a dad, it's my job to give my kids confidence and let 'em know what they're capable of.
The cheerleaders could call any minute.
For the love of God, Sue, it's a million-to-one shot.
Just use the kitchen phone.
Found it! What time is it? Oh, my gosh.
Five more minutes with the possibility of being a cheerleader.
This is like Christmas morning, my birthday, and the first time I smelled the Justin Bieber perfume, wrapped into one.
(Sighs) You know, even if they don't call, you gave it your best shot, and that's all that matters.
Oh, they're gonna call.
I just need to stay positive.
I heard that if everyone in a room concentrates on one thing really hard, they can make it happen.
Nope.
She's still here.
So how's the prep going for the big test? Are you using those practice books I gave you? I am.
He is.
Three minutes left with the possibility of being a cheerleader.
This is so exciting.
In three minutes, will my life stay the same, or will it get so much better? I predict it will get worse, and when it does, Brick owes me 5 bucks.
Hey, I said, no side bets.
Two and a half minutes left the possibility of being a cheerleader, but you know what? Even if I don't make it, it's gonna be fine.
It's gonna be so fine.
Oh, my gosh! They're not calling! I tried and I didn't make it.
My life is over! But I guess that's just the way the old cookie crumbles.
Just got to roll with the punches and all that jazz.
Why aren't they calling?! Is that clock fast? Are these phones working? Why can't this family have better phones and clocks?! Oh, my God.
I want this so bad.
I can't breathe.
No one help her.
Honey, you're looking kind of pale.
Maybe you should eat something.
One minute left with the possibility of being a cheerleader.
Maybe they wrote down my number wrong, or maybe I wrote down the time wrong.
Oh, my gosh! I can't take this anymore! I should just walk away.
A watched phone never rings.
(Footsteps recede) (Telephones ringing) It's them! (Yells) (Thud) (Ringing continues) (Pants) (Beep) Hello? This is she.
(Gasps) I'm a cheerleader! Aah! Yes! Yes! So the next morning, Sue woke up a cheerleader, and I've got to say, it was a little weird.
Hey, hey.
What do you say? I say today's gonna be a great day! (Bell dings) Ooh.
Hey, that's mine.
It's the last French toast dipper.
But, Brick, I'm a cheerleader now.
I need my dippers to keep my spirit up.
Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't just roll over and let her take that.
That's your dipper.
You know what? I should probably be eating some sort of cheerleader breakfast anyway.
What do they eat? I mean, we eat.
Aah! Here, you have it.
No.
Don't give it to him.
Here.
Brick, you take it from her.
Why don't we just share it? No.
No sharing.
Good lesson, Mike.
Shush.
I'm doin' something here, okay? And Mike continued "doin' something" every chance he got.
(Man speaking indistinctly on tv) (Sighs) (Buzz) Come on, Brick.
Don't let me change the channel.
Why is my sports show more important than your (Click) Weird blimp show? Frankie: Sometimes you can talk and talk and not get through to your kid.
And other times, you plant a seed, and your words take flower.
Hey, Axl.
Brought you a snack.
How's it going in here, huh? You know, I'm really proud of what you're doing.
Does this look right to you? What is this? I'm designing my band's cd cover.
Does it look the flames are coming out of my butt? Because they're supposed to be coming out of the ax, but - You fool! You're supposed to be studying for the PSAT! The test is tomorrow! I was gonna study for it later.
I'm better under pressure.
When have you ever been better under pressure?! When?! I don't know! I can't think with you yelling at me! Doug Hornburg did everything right, and now he lives in his mother's basement and picks up dead animals off the side of the road! Don't you get it, Axl? This is your entire life we're talking about here! You screw this up, you're done, and guess what? No flying dragon is gonna swoop down and help you solve your problems! The only dragon you're gonna be dealing with is the dead one that you're dragging off the street! I was sorry I had to be so harsh with Axl, but sometimes that's what a kid needs to hear.
The amazing thing was, after yelling at him, all the stress just left my body.
I don't know where it went, but it was gone.
(Exhales heavily) (School bell rings) Sue Heck reporting for first practice.
(Gasps) Ohh, are those new uniforms? About that Sue, there was a horrible, horrible mix-up, and we are so sorry.
So, so sorry.
See, our cheerleading advisor has been distracted.
She found a lump on her cat or her dad.
I don't remember.
Anyway, she accidentally called you by mistake, and we are so sorry, but you really didn't make the team.
So, so, so sorry.
But of course, now that you get that there was a mix-up, you understand you're going to have to step down.
No.
What do you mean, "no?" I'm a cheerleader, and I want to stay a cheerleader.
You don't really want to be part of something you didn't really earn, do you? More than anything.
But there can only be eight cheerleaders, and here's the thing-- You're not one of them.
Well, here's my thing.
If you hadn't called me and told me I'd made the team, I would have been heartbroken, but I would have gotten over it, but you did call me, so I told everyone I know that I'm a cheerleader-- My family, my friend, my pen pals in Brazil and Toronto-- So to step down now would be humiliating And Sue Heck's humiliation has a price.
What does that mean? It means if you want me to go quietly, I'm gonna need some things.
What? I want to wear the uniform to school, I want to be in the group photo in the yearbook, and I want to cheer in one game.
And I want at least two cheerleaders to attend my birthday party.
(Both mouth words) We'll agree to everything except the birthday party.
Deal! (Scoffs) (Door creaks) Well how'd the test go? (Door closes, bag thuds) I blew it, mom.
I totally blew it.
I'm so sorry! I kept hearing what you said about how important it was, and then my brain just vapour-locked, and I totally munched it and got everything wrong! And also, I threw up on my shirt, but I didn't even clean it, 'cause I was like, "what's the point? You're just gonna end up a huge loser, 'cause you screwed up "the most important test of your life!" (Groaning) No, no, no.
Honey, it's not that important.
You're gonna get into college.
Nuh-Unh! I had one chance, and I screwed it up! Might as well buy a shovel and start picking up dead animals right now.
Ugh! Please, it's just a stupid practice test.
You're gonna do better when you take the real SATS.
That wasn't even the real one? What kind of sick mind games are you playing with me? Oh, okay.
Axl, Axl, look at me.
Your whole world is not gonna fall apart because you didn't do well on one test.
You're gonna be fine.
Oh.
(Sighs) Just out of curiosity, do you happen to know how Sean did on his test? You make a nice sandwich.
Now I know why that kid keeps taking it from you.
Mmm! Man, this is good.
You want it back? Yes.
Then take it from me.
I don't want to.
Come on.
I just stole your sandwich.
What are you gonna do about it? You gonna get tough or not? Huh? Huh? Stop telling me to get tough! People either are, or they're not, and I'm not, so leave me alone! Just back off and let me be! Spoken like a true Heck man.
What?! You did it, Brick.
You finally stood up for yourself.
This is what I've been wanting you to do all along.
Didn't that feel good? It kind of did.
You're darn right it did.
As a matter of fact It felt great.
Now I want you to remember that feeling and take it with you through your life.
I'm proud of you, son.
Dad, that's my sandwich.
Attaboy.
Do I smell barf-y to you? If you don't want to have sex tonight, just say it.
No, no, it's just that I hugged Axl before, and he had on a barfy t-shirt from his PSATS.
You know (Sighs) I don't know, Mike.
I just feel like, with Axl, if I don't push him, nothing gets done and he fails, but if I do push him, he freaks out and fails.
What are we supposed to do? I don't know.
Maybe we should just write him off and let him be a cautionary tale for the other two.
(Sighs) No, I'm serious, Mike.
Santa Maria! I don't want to kick you while you're down, but I had a major breakthrough with Brick today.
Oh, what happened? I pulled the man out of him.
I stole his sandwich, and he finally stood up for himself.
I've been hounding that kid all week about getting tough, and he finally listened to what I had to say.
I find that most bullies just want to feel heard.
I got to tell you, Frankie, it wasn't easy, but sometimes I think you just got to let people know who is in control.
They want to feel like they're in control.
- So I told him I was proud of him, and - And? - And then I - And eventually, once they think they've won, they'll just walk away.
I just walked away.
Oh, my God.
I've been played.
That kid's a genius.
Yeah, well, maybe we can get him to take Axl's SATS.
(Sighs) I don't know.
Maybe the birds have it right.
Maybe we should just kick 'em out of the nest and hope for the best.
'Cause you worry and worry, but the truth is, maybe our kids don't need our help.
Maybe if we just let them out in the world, things will go their way.
Hey.
You're Axl Heck's parents, right? Mike and Frankie: Yeah.
Jack Tracy.
I'm a recruiter for east Indiana state.
Your boy sure looks fast out there tonight.
- Thanks.
- Hey.
When he starts thinking about colleges, why don't you give us a call? - All right, Jack.
We'll do that.
- Thank you.
Wow.
(Laughs) - Okay.
- All right.
Enjoy the rest of the game.
Yeah.
You, too.
(Chuckles) Check out the mascot.
What? (Cheers and applause) (Both chuckle) Yeah! Oh! Yep.
Our kids are gonna be just fine.
Right? (Crowd cheering)
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