The Twilight Zone (1959) s02e19 Episode Script
Mr. Dingle, the Strong
You're traveling through another dimension a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination.
That's the signpost up ahead.
Your next stop, the twilight zone.
Uniquely american institution known as the neighborhood bar.
Reading left to right are mr.
Anthony o'toole, proprietor who waters his drinks like geraniums but who stands four-square for peace and quiet and for booths for ladies.
This is mr.
Joseph j.
Callahan, an unregistered bookie whose entire life is any sporting event with two sides and a set of odds.
His idea of a meeting at the summit is any dialogue between a catcher and pitcher with more than one man on base.
And this animated citizen is every anonymous bettor who ever dropped rent money on a horse race or prize fight or a floating crap game and who took out his frustrations and his insolvency on any vulnerable fellow barstool companion within arm's and fist's reach.
And this is mr.
Luther dingle, a vacuum cleaner salesman whose volume of business is roughly that of a valet at a hobo convention.
He's a consummate failure in almost everything but is a good listener and has a prominent jaw.
Don't give me that, callahan.
I don't pay off on a bum call.
Three umpires call the man out.
I call the man out.
the man out.
The final score was pittsburgh 3, dodgers nothing.
You and i got an even bet, pal.
I happened to have the pirates.
You got the dodgers.
So you owe me five dollars.
The ball was foul when it hit him so instead of an out, it was a foul ball.
So who's to say there wouldn't have been a man on base? And when pignatano got a single a run would have scored.
And furthermore, callahan, you're nothing but a cheating insult to the american bookie.
I'll give you five seconds to take back that innuendo.
Callahan, i told you once before already.
You start another brawl in here and i'm going to fix that mouth of yours so any future drinking you'll do is gonna be through a tube stuck in a vein.
Me? Why me? Tell it to the troublemaker.
The number-one welcher of all the western states sitting over here.
His father owes my father from the second dempsey-tunney fight.
Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Mainly on account of it was a bum call.
Hey, buddy, did you see the tunney fight? You remember the referee with the long count? The guy was knocked clear out of the ring.
You could have gone up in the stands, got a can of beer engaged in a little conversation come back, sit down in your seat and the referee still wasn't finished counting.
Now, i ask you, how about that? I ask you, how about it? Me? Yeah, yeah, you.
Did you watch the game on television last night? You talk about bum calls.
Duke snider was up and it was in the ninth inning.
Two men were out.
Howard and moon were on first and second.
And this umpire with no pupils in his eyes calls a foul ball an out.
Did you see it? ) as a matter of fact i did watch the game on television.
Exceptional defensive play, exceptional.
Abner d-d-doubleday would have been proud.
Never mind about abner doubleday.
I'm willing to leave it up to you.
Was it a foul ball or was it an out? It appears to me that the ball fell into fair territory and therefore when striking the ground and hitting the batter the rules very definitely state the batter was out.
You asked the man, you got an answer.
Of course you realize, pal that you're calling me a liar.
Now, i'm not an unreasonable man so i'm going to give you one more chance.
Was it a foul ball or was it an out? Well, it's my considered opinion how's come you got to always be hitting dingle? You hit him last week, you him the week before.
A man can only stand so much.
I'm tired of this guy contradicting me.
And when a guy calls me a liar there's my honor to be considered.
Your honor? You've got nothing in line in you from the bottom of your arches to where you part your hair which is pretty tough to find.
And when you die they'll have to screw you in the ground.
Am i crooked? You got to believe me.
Am i crooked? Dingle, dingle, for once for once, why can't you be neutral? Am i crooked? Why don't you tell the man? Wait a minute, back off.
Are you serious about this? And these two unseen gentlemen are visitors from outer space.
They're about to alter the destiny of luther dingle by leaving him a legacy the kind you can't hardly find no more.
In just a moment, a sad-faced, perennial punching bag who missed even the caboose of life's gravy train will take a short constitutional into that most unpredictable region that we refer to as the twilight zone.
This man don't know the first thing about baseball.
If anybody can tell me the phillies deserved winning the pennant that year they're out of their minds.
You sure we're invisible? Beyond any doubt.
I wish they were.
You don't have to do that.
You don't even have to answer.
Just because he don't like the phillies let me tell him.
You have a brain of your own, don't you? You have your own viewpoint.
What did you think of the phillies of 1953? Phillies 1953? That's right.
That's right, phillies of 1953.
You ever see such jerky-looking creatures? And one head yet.
Typical earthmen.
Not really though.
The one in the middle, the one who just suffered the physical damage he may be the one we've been looking for.
How do you mean? Silence, i'm receiving his waves.
Name is dingle, abject coward does not even possess what earth creatures call minimum muscles.
Decidedly a sub-physical type.
I think we have found our subject.
You intend to give him the additional strength? We haven't found anyone weaker, have we? I believe he will be an exceptional subject.
Give him around 11 secograms atomic weight.
That should make him roughly 300 times stronger than the average human being.
Yes, i think that will do it.
We had better contact central laboratories tell them we have found a subject.
In other words, you're telling me that you thought robin roberts had more stuff than clem levine? Well, to be frank and candid those two men, as good as they both are and all things being equal come on already, take your pick.
Roberts? For the last time.
You start one more roughhouse in here and i won't let you come back.
Now, look what you've done.
How you feeling, dingle? C-c-clem l-l-l-levine was definitely superior.
You see? All i made him do was see things clearer.
I can observe him now.
Let him have it.
How about it, dingle? How you doing? Definitely clem levine.
Dingle, would you mind a little advice? Now, the whole world is full of guys that are going to get punched in the nose no matter who they pick in a ball game who they vote for.
Now, you want to know my advice for what you should do for the rest of your life? Just don't talk, just nod.
Somebody asks you who you like in the third you just smile.
Understand, dingle? What's the matter? It's very odd.
What's odd? I i feel f-f-funny.
Funny? Yeah.
Wonder what caused that? Caused what? Well, this vacuum cleaner, it's light as a feather.
Not that the machine isn't right.
No, sir, it's the lightest on the market.
Yes, sir, i tell you it's a handy-dandy piece of merchandise.
Guaranteed to lighten the load and lengthen the life of that partner in the home, th-th-the housewife.
But i didn't know it was this light.
Dingle, i always figured you for a nice guy.
You never caused me no trouble.
Now why all of a sudden you got to wreck my front door? Mr.
O'toole, i'm mystified.
I'm absolutely mystified.
This door seemed to come right off in my hand.
You here again? Didn't my old man say he was gonna punch you in the nose if you came around here bothering us again? You're quite right.
It's the wrong number.
I was headed across the street.
Now that's not the best of all possible manners, is it? Aw, go peddle your vacuum cleaners, you creep and throw me my ball back.
All right, run out for the pass.
Hey, mister, where'd you learn to fling a ball like that? Why, i don't know.
I really don't what is happening? What on earth is happening to me? Taxi, taxi, please.
Thank you.
Oh, believe me, this is as much a mystery to me as it is to you.
They don't make handles like they used to, do they? Oh, i'm sorr excuse me, miss.
Yes.
I don't want you to think i'm a masher.
I'm certainly not a masher.
But would you mind answering a question? That depends.
Well, what i mean is looking at me in a perfunctory, cursory first surveil do i appear abnormal in any way? Not at all.
Not unless you plan to use that in the park.
Oh, that.
Do you know that up until a few hours ago i sold those.
Or i went through the motions.
I was a very bad salesman.
Miserable.
You know, last week i only made 89 cents in commissions.
That was for an attachment.
It's the upholstery nozzle.
And i sold it to a drunk who thought it was a divining rod for alcohol.
Oh, i fully expect to be fired but that is the least of my trouble.
Would you be interested in hearing the most of my worries? Go ahead.
Watch.
You see? Now, w-w-watch this.
Hey, buddy, i'm a reporter with thebulletin.
Would you mind doing that again? With the rock? That's right.
Incidentally, what's the gag? There's no gag, see? Get another one of those.
This i got to get in the paper.
Goodness.
Mr.
Dingle, if what we hear is true do you realize how much money can be made on a tour with our carnival? Mr.
Dingle, this is a con artist.
Your future lies in television.
You're the walking, talking embodiment of every american male's wish fulfillment.
You're john q.
Citizen.
You're babbitt, you're tom, dick and harry.
Now here's our idea for the series.
A simple 15-minute address by you with little examples of your physical prowess.
It's a natural for breakfast cereals tonics, vitamin pills, anything.
And i keep telling you you line up with me i'll get you some easy setups.
Inside of eight months i'll have you fighting for the world championship.
That's so ridiculous.
Would the people surrounding mr.
Dingle just get out of the way, please.
Out of the way.
The camera in there and that light there and hello, there, friends.
Jason abernathy here with your show, tv probes the unusual.
And our unusual subject today is mr.
Luther dingle who, if what actual onlookers say is true is the world's strongest man.
Mr.
Dingle mr.
Dingle, would you care to give us an example of this fantastic alleged strength of yours? I'd be ha-happy to.
Is it all right, mr.
O'toole if i are you kidding? I ain't done so much business since the night they repealed the 18th amendment.
Be my guest, mr.
Dingle.
First, i'd like to start with simple things.
Wonderful.
Wait a minute, dingle.
Ain't you ever heard of bygones being bygones? That's amazing.
Bravo! Had enough? Most inferior.
We give him the strength of 300 men and he uses it for petty exhibition.
Give him 20 or then remove the power.
Excellent idea.
And i think we should be off.
Three planets on tomorrow's itinerary.
One should be particularly interesting- contains only females.
And now, ladies and now, ladies and gentlemen i believe the most unique trick of all i shall raise this entire building with my bare hands.
What? Raise the building? He can't do that.
I don't believe it.
I don't know.
He seems to have lost it.
He's a fake, that's what he is.
I feel sorry for him.
Poor little guy he's lost his belief.
He's a sad little man, isn't he? Uh-oh! Uh-oh! All right, leave off of poor dingle here.
Now, come on, everybody out of here.
Come on, beat it.
Ladies and gentlemen you have this station's abject apology.
We didn't realize that it was a trick obviously well, we're off the air for good, i think.
So long, hercules.
Bring that thing out of here.
How are you, fellas? Nice seeing you.
Where are you from? Venus.
How about you? Mars.
Conducting experiments? Yeah, and you? Sudden introduction of strength to subnormal earthman.
How about you? Sudden introduction of extreme intelligence.
Find any interesting subjects? That one over there.
He's referred to as a dingle.
He certainly is sub-physical.
I wouldn't be surprised if he's sub-mental, too.
Looks likely enough.
Give him the intelligence quota ray.
How strong? Make it about let's see.
Perhaps 500 times more intelligent than the average human.
Roebuck's ready.
Here's the pitch.
High and outside.
He couldn't hit the length of the bat.
I'll lay you five to one he gets on.
Logan? Are you out of your mind? Hey, hey, dingle.
What about it? What will he do? Various factors are brought into play here involving the laws of probability interspersed with the process of calculus fenaglian laws of chance and the subdivisional grepple which is based on the position of bodies in mathematical relationship to other bodies.
Now, in this case, using the two factors represented by the divisions involved i think that the batter will unquestionably hit a home run.
A home run by johnny logan.
Holy mackerel! How about that? Light.
two to one.
A tremendous blow over the left-field fence.
Now, it appears to me it is apparent in a mathematical plan that the entire quantum theory of space and time relativity must have been equated with the parellelian role of definitive numerical dialectic algebraic and must be further annotated exit mr.
Luther dingle, formerly vacuum cleaner salesman strongest man on earth, and now mental giant.
These latter powers will likely be eliminated before too long but mr.
Dingle has an appeal to extra-terrestrial note-takers as well as to frustrated and insolvent bet-losers.
Offhand, i'd say he was in for a great deal of extremely odd periods simply because there are so many inhabited planets who send down observers and also because of course mr.
Dingle lives his life with one foot in his mouth and the other in the twilight zone.
Rod serling, the creator ofthe twilight zone will tell you about next week's story after this word from our alternate sponsor.
And now, mr.
Serling.
A radio.
A carryover from that other era when quiz shows went up to only $64 and entertainment was aimed only at the ears.
Mr.
Charles beaumont has given us a most unusual story called "static.
" We invite you to watch mr.
Dean jagger fiddle with a few of these knobs, change a few stations and find a couple of programs that are broadcast only in the twilight zone.
Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.
Wgbh.
Org see the newandy griffith show each week over most of these stations.
Consult local listings.
That's the signpost up ahead.
Your next stop, the twilight zone.
Uniquely american institution known as the neighborhood bar.
Reading left to right are mr.
Anthony o'toole, proprietor who waters his drinks like geraniums but who stands four-square for peace and quiet and for booths for ladies.
This is mr.
Joseph j.
Callahan, an unregistered bookie whose entire life is any sporting event with two sides and a set of odds.
His idea of a meeting at the summit is any dialogue between a catcher and pitcher with more than one man on base.
And this animated citizen is every anonymous bettor who ever dropped rent money on a horse race or prize fight or a floating crap game and who took out his frustrations and his insolvency on any vulnerable fellow barstool companion within arm's and fist's reach.
And this is mr.
Luther dingle, a vacuum cleaner salesman whose volume of business is roughly that of a valet at a hobo convention.
He's a consummate failure in almost everything but is a good listener and has a prominent jaw.
Don't give me that, callahan.
I don't pay off on a bum call.
Three umpires call the man out.
I call the man out.
the man out.
The final score was pittsburgh 3, dodgers nothing.
You and i got an even bet, pal.
I happened to have the pirates.
You got the dodgers.
So you owe me five dollars.
The ball was foul when it hit him so instead of an out, it was a foul ball.
So who's to say there wouldn't have been a man on base? And when pignatano got a single a run would have scored.
And furthermore, callahan, you're nothing but a cheating insult to the american bookie.
I'll give you five seconds to take back that innuendo.
Callahan, i told you once before already.
You start another brawl in here and i'm going to fix that mouth of yours so any future drinking you'll do is gonna be through a tube stuck in a vein.
Me? Why me? Tell it to the troublemaker.
The number-one welcher of all the western states sitting over here.
His father owes my father from the second dempsey-tunney fight.
Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Mainly on account of it was a bum call.
Hey, buddy, did you see the tunney fight? You remember the referee with the long count? The guy was knocked clear out of the ring.
You could have gone up in the stands, got a can of beer engaged in a little conversation come back, sit down in your seat and the referee still wasn't finished counting.
Now, i ask you, how about that? I ask you, how about it? Me? Yeah, yeah, you.
Did you watch the game on television last night? You talk about bum calls.
Duke snider was up and it was in the ninth inning.
Two men were out.
Howard and moon were on first and second.
And this umpire with no pupils in his eyes calls a foul ball an out.
Did you see it? ) as a matter of fact i did watch the game on television.
Exceptional defensive play, exceptional.
Abner d-d-doubleday would have been proud.
Never mind about abner doubleday.
I'm willing to leave it up to you.
Was it a foul ball or was it an out? It appears to me that the ball fell into fair territory and therefore when striking the ground and hitting the batter the rules very definitely state the batter was out.
You asked the man, you got an answer.
Of course you realize, pal that you're calling me a liar.
Now, i'm not an unreasonable man so i'm going to give you one more chance.
Was it a foul ball or was it an out? Well, it's my considered opinion how's come you got to always be hitting dingle? You hit him last week, you him the week before.
A man can only stand so much.
I'm tired of this guy contradicting me.
And when a guy calls me a liar there's my honor to be considered.
Your honor? You've got nothing in line in you from the bottom of your arches to where you part your hair which is pretty tough to find.
And when you die they'll have to screw you in the ground.
Am i crooked? You got to believe me.
Am i crooked? Dingle, dingle, for once for once, why can't you be neutral? Am i crooked? Why don't you tell the man? Wait a minute, back off.
Are you serious about this? And these two unseen gentlemen are visitors from outer space.
They're about to alter the destiny of luther dingle by leaving him a legacy the kind you can't hardly find no more.
In just a moment, a sad-faced, perennial punching bag who missed even the caboose of life's gravy train will take a short constitutional into that most unpredictable region that we refer to as the twilight zone.
This man don't know the first thing about baseball.
If anybody can tell me the phillies deserved winning the pennant that year they're out of their minds.
You sure we're invisible? Beyond any doubt.
I wish they were.
You don't have to do that.
You don't even have to answer.
Just because he don't like the phillies let me tell him.
You have a brain of your own, don't you? You have your own viewpoint.
What did you think of the phillies of 1953? Phillies 1953? That's right.
That's right, phillies of 1953.
You ever see such jerky-looking creatures? And one head yet.
Typical earthmen.
Not really though.
The one in the middle, the one who just suffered the physical damage he may be the one we've been looking for.
How do you mean? Silence, i'm receiving his waves.
Name is dingle, abject coward does not even possess what earth creatures call minimum muscles.
Decidedly a sub-physical type.
I think we have found our subject.
You intend to give him the additional strength? We haven't found anyone weaker, have we? I believe he will be an exceptional subject.
Give him around 11 secograms atomic weight.
That should make him roughly 300 times stronger than the average human being.
Yes, i think that will do it.
We had better contact central laboratories tell them we have found a subject.
In other words, you're telling me that you thought robin roberts had more stuff than clem levine? Well, to be frank and candid those two men, as good as they both are and all things being equal come on already, take your pick.
Roberts? For the last time.
You start one more roughhouse in here and i won't let you come back.
Now, look what you've done.
How you feeling, dingle? C-c-clem l-l-l-levine was definitely superior.
You see? All i made him do was see things clearer.
I can observe him now.
Let him have it.
How about it, dingle? How you doing? Definitely clem levine.
Dingle, would you mind a little advice? Now, the whole world is full of guys that are going to get punched in the nose no matter who they pick in a ball game who they vote for.
Now, you want to know my advice for what you should do for the rest of your life? Just don't talk, just nod.
Somebody asks you who you like in the third you just smile.
Understand, dingle? What's the matter? It's very odd.
What's odd? I i feel f-f-funny.
Funny? Yeah.
Wonder what caused that? Caused what? Well, this vacuum cleaner, it's light as a feather.
Not that the machine isn't right.
No, sir, it's the lightest on the market.
Yes, sir, i tell you it's a handy-dandy piece of merchandise.
Guaranteed to lighten the load and lengthen the life of that partner in the home, th-th-the housewife.
But i didn't know it was this light.
Dingle, i always figured you for a nice guy.
You never caused me no trouble.
Now why all of a sudden you got to wreck my front door? Mr.
O'toole, i'm mystified.
I'm absolutely mystified.
This door seemed to come right off in my hand.
You here again? Didn't my old man say he was gonna punch you in the nose if you came around here bothering us again? You're quite right.
It's the wrong number.
I was headed across the street.
Now that's not the best of all possible manners, is it? Aw, go peddle your vacuum cleaners, you creep and throw me my ball back.
All right, run out for the pass.
Hey, mister, where'd you learn to fling a ball like that? Why, i don't know.
I really don't what is happening? What on earth is happening to me? Taxi, taxi, please.
Thank you.
Oh, believe me, this is as much a mystery to me as it is to you.
They don't make handles like they used to, do they? Oh, i'm sorr excuse me, miss.
Yes.
I don't want you to think i'm a masher.
I'm certainly not a masher.
But would you mind answering a question? That depends.
Well, what i mean is looking at me in a perfunctory, cursory first surveil do i appear abnormal in any way? Not at all.
Not unless you plan to use that in the park.
Oh, that.
Do you know that up until a few hours ago i sold those.
Or i went through the motions.
I was a very bad salesman.
Miserable.
You know, last week i only made 89 cents in commissions.
That was for an attachment.
It's the upholstery nozzle.
And i sold it to a drunk who thought it was a divining rod for alcohol.
Oh, i fully expect to be fired but that is the least of my trouble.
Would you be interested in hearing the most of my worries? Go ahead.
Watch.
You see? Now, w-w-watch this.
Hey, buddy, i'm a reporter with thebulletin.
Would you mind doing that again? With the rock? That's right.
Incidentally, what's the gag? There's no gag, see? Get another one of those.
This i got to get in the paper.
Goodness.
Mr.
Dingle, if what we hear is true do you realize how much money can be made on a tour with our carnival? Mr.
Dingle, this is a con artist.
Your future lies in television.
You're the walking, talking embodiment of every american male's wish fulfillment.
You're john q.
Citizen.
You're babbitt, you're tom, dick and harry.
Now here's our idea for the series.
A simple 15-minute address by you with little examples of your physical prowess.
It's a natural for breakfast cereals tonics, vitamin pills, anything.
And i keep telling you you line up with me i'll get you some easy setups.
Inside of eight months i'll have you fighting for the world championship.
That's so ridiculous.
Would the people surrounding mr.
Dingle just get out of the way, please.
Out of the way.
The camera in there and that light there and hello, there, friends.
Jason abernathy here with your show, tv probes the unusual.
And our unusual subject today is mr.
Luther dingle who, if what actual onlookers say is true is the world's strongest man.
Mr.
Dingle mr.
Dingle, would you care to give us an example of this fantastic alleged strength of yours? I'd be ha-happy to.
Is it all right, mr.
O'toole if i are you kidding? I ain't done so much business since the night they repealed the 18th amendment.
Be my guest, mr.
Dingle.
First, i'd like to start with simple things.
Wonderful.
Wait a minute, dingle.
Ain't you ever heard of bygones being bygones? That's amazing.
Bravo! Had enough? Most inferior.
We give him the strength of 300 men and he uses it for petty exhibition.
Give him 20 or then remove the power.
Excellent idea.
And i think we should be off.
Three planets on tomorrow's itinerary.
One should be particularly interesting- contains only females.
And now, ladies and now, ladies and gentlemen i believe the most unique trick of all i shall raise this entire building with my bare hands.
What? Raise the building? He can't do that.
I don't believe it.
I don't know.
He seems to have lost it.
He's a fake, that's what he is.
I feel sorry for him.
Poor little guy he's lost his belief.
He's a sad little man, isn't he? Uh-oh! Uh-oh! All right, leave off of poor dingle here.
Now, come on, everybody out of here.
Come on, beat it.
Ladies and gentlemen you have this station's abject apology.
We didn't realize that it was a trick obviously well, we're off the air for good, i think.
So long, hercules.
Bring that thing out of here.
How are you, fellas? Nice seeing you.
Where are you from? Venus.
How about you? Mars.
Conducting experiments? Yeah, and you? Sudden introduction of strength to subnormal earthman.
How about you? Sudden introduction of extreme intelligence.
Find any interesting subjects? That one over there.
He's referred to as a dingle.
He certainly is sub-physical.
I wouldn't be surprised if he's sub-mental, too.
Looks likely enough.
Give him the intelligence quota ray.
How strong? Make it about let's see.
Perhaps 500 times more intelligent than the average human.
Roebuck's ready.
Here's the pitch.
High and outside.
He couldn't hit the length of the bat.
I'll lay you five to one he gets on.
Logan? Are you out of your mind? Hey, hey, dingle.
What about it? What will he do? Various factors are brought into play here involving the laws of probability interspersed with the process of calculus fenaglian laws of chance and the subdivisional grepple which is based on the position of bodies in mathematical relationship to other bodies.
Now, in this case, using the two factors represented by the divisions involved i think that the batter will unquestionably hit a home run.
A home run by johnny logan.
Holy mackerel! How about that? Light.
two to one.
A tremendous blow over the left-field fence.
Now, it appears to me it is apparent in a mathematical plan that the entire quantum theory of space and time relativity must have been equated with the parellelian role of definitive numerical dialectic algebraic and must be further annotated exit mr.
Luther dingle, formerly vacuum cleaner salesman strongest man on earth, and now mental giant.
These latter powers will likely be eliminated before too long but mr.
Dingle has an appeal to extra-terrestrial note-takers as well as to frustrated and insolvent bet-losers.
Offhand, i'd say he was in for a great deal of extremely odd periods simply because there are so many inhabited planets who send down observers and also because of course mr.
Dingle lives his life with one foot in his mouth and the other in the twilight zone.
Rod serling, the creator ofthe twilight zone will tell you about next week's story after this word from our alternate sponsor.
And now, mr.
Serling.
A radio.
A carryover from that other era when quiz shows went up to only $64 and entertainment was aimed only at the ears.
Mr.
Charles beaumont has given us a most unusual story called "static.
" We invite you to watch mr.
Dean jagger fiddle with a few of these knobs, change a few stations and find a couple of programs that are broadcast only in the twilight zone.
Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.
Wgbh.
Org see the newandy griffith show each week over most of these stations.
Consult local listings.