Trailer Park Boys s05e04 Episode Script

- Oh fuck.
Ah fuck! Awesome.
- My God, I was hoping this wa s just a fucking bad dream.
- Well, it's not.
Check it out, buddy.
Most of the stuff still works fine.
- My brain must've played a trick on me or something - My brain plays tricks on m e all the time, man.
That's 'cause it's way smarter than me.
It's always fucking me around.
- I was sure I turned that fat off! I know I turned it off.
- What are you talking about - I was cooking french fries and I fucking burned this trailer down.
- Omigod, youwerecooking french fries.
You could've easily burned this trailer down.
- That's what I'm saying.
I fucking did it this time Ricky told me just to not thin k about it and it would go away, but my brain doesn't work that way.
I can't just put it out of my mind.
I burned Ray's home down.
I know I checked that fat, though.
I know I turned it off - I was planning on taking the blame, 'cause there's a pretty good chance that I did it.
, Well, I mean, I did do it.
But Bubbles took the blame so once someone takes the blame, what do you do? I couldn't take it then, he had already taken it.
(music) You never seen a trailer fir e before? It's not a big deal.
Get the fuck out of here.
Fuck off! Two words: fuck - pretty easy to understand; off - real easy to understand.
Fuck off.
- Time to wake up, Julian.
- Hey, Jules.
- No drinking and driving.
- Corey, Trevor, do you wanna go in the car ? Come on, let's go.
- See ya later, boys! (bird cawing) - God, Ray, I'm so sorry.
I don't even kno w what to say to you.
- It's alright, Bubs.
No big deal.
Just my trailer All bought and paid for.
Thirty-five-year mortgage me and Tammy got back in 1970.
Hey, check it out, her name' s still on the paperwork, boys It's all I had to my name, fellas.
You know, to be perfectly honest, if Ricky had done this, I mean, I I really wouldn't be too surprised.
Like, most people wouldn't be too surprised.
, Ah, he's done a few things in his life that, you know haven't been the smartest thing, but frigging Bubbles, to do this, man, it's like this is a big fuckup for a guy like Bubbles.
Let's all go get drunk and hit the machines, boys - Dad, I'm gonna take care of this, alright? I promise.
, I'm on it.
I'm your son.
I I can take care of this and we'll be getting drunk tonight.
You'll sleep in a bed tonight, I fucking promise ya.
Me and Bubs.
- Yeah? I think you mean Julian's gonna take care of this, don't you, Rick? - Dad.
I'm Ricky, your son .
I'm gonna take care of this.
Not Julian.
Fuck him.
- I'll help him, Ray.
- Alright, boys.
Well, we'll see what happens, okay - Hello, Ray! - Get off the fucking driveway , you dick.
- Sorry, Ricky.
Forgot you all sensitive about your whack driveway.
You know, we doing a'ight, ganking groceries.
It's not what I wanna do for a living.
Get the career back on track .
But we're making some money.
So we, like, a'ight, Ray went out hard , when his trailer burned down so we hooked that ma-fug with some groceries.
Ray, we got some groceries , ma-fucker, to help you out Fifty percent off, man, plus the - Go fuck yourself, J-Roc.
- What you talking about? - Jesus Christ, J-Roc, his trailer's burnt down.
- Gimme the fucking chips! - I'm taking the fuckin' - - His trailer just burned down ! - I'll give mafucker a break (shouting) Old-ass jerk up here, sittin' around in a chair.
Phony old truck-drivin' mothafucker! Excuse me, who'd you call a phony there, Jamie? Huh? - You did not just call me Jamie.
- Don't worry about it, don't worry about it.
- What now, Ray? (shouting) - Fake-wheelchair motherfucker .
- Get the fuck outta here! - Fuck you guys.
- Fuck you guys.
- You guys can talk so much shit all the time.
- I'll fucking crank any of you! Jamie's fucking kazoo and Mr.
Peace! Fucking Fidel Castro! - Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Good boys.
Corey.
Alright, boys, we got a lot Why didn't you tell me my face was marked up? - We didn't know if you though t that was cool or something - Julian, what are you doing - You're not thinking.
That's what I'm doing.
For fucksakes, boys.
- Sarah's gonna friggin' kill me.
- I'm gonna friggin' kill you! No talking.
Do you wanna use the cheeseboard, or the spatula? - I'll use the cheeseboard - You guys stay in the car , alright? Peace-bond shit.
- Yeah, that's cool.
Listen Julian, thanks a lot - - No talking.
Stay.
How's the driveway? Alright? - Fire department and their goddamn water, we're lucky it's not ruined.
- Trailer's ruined, though , Julian.
Fucking because of stupid me - What are you talking about - I think I burned the fucking thing down.
I was cooking those stupid french fries.
- Ah, man.
Don't worry about it, alright? Okay, I'm gonna make sure everything's gonna be cool here.
You gotta keep positive.
The most important thing is this driveway, Bubs.
And it's okay, so everything's okay.
We gotta wait for the right time, then we'll sell this and all have trailers.
Even Ray, Rick.
- Are you fucking kidding me You don't give a fuck about Ray, so don't even give me that shit.
I know you're only thinkin g about yourself, but let's just sell it right now.
I'm not waiting - We're not selling it till we find the proper buyer.
And we don't have one, do we ? No.
We don't.
- Have you fucking seen this shit? - You stay here and watch this driveway.
I'm gonna go with them, help out my dad - Can you stop fighting?! - You don't wanna help dad You wanna help yourself.
Take Gummy and fuck y'all, go play at the beach.
- This is about your dad! (Bubbles screaming) - Stop fighting! My nerves are shot! - Alright, alright.
I'm sorry.
Who's got your belly? - I got his fucking belly.
- You watch this driveway, Ricky.
- What's up, dude? - Shut up, shut up.
- You two shut the fuck and get out of here.
If his little car'll start His little fancy car he stole from fucking Terry.
Terry's gonna be real fuckin g happy about this, Julian.
- Look after the driveway.
- You look after the fucking driveway (tires squealing) - No, I got it.
- Guys! Don't worry about the gumballs.
Get that machine in the trunk.
Get in the car, Trevor.
Hurry up! This looks good, boys.
There's no one around.
Alright, get the money out of it, boys.
- Can we get the gum, Julian ? - I don't care.
Just hurry up.
We gonna make some serious cash here, boys Guys, guys, guys, what are you doing? Come on, hit it.
Hit it.
Harder.
Come on, hit it harder Get mad! - It's friggin hard, Julian.
- Trevor, come here for a second.
Take it.
- I'm not cool enough to shoot your gun, Julian.
- Take the gun.
Take it.
- I'm not cool enough to shoot this, Julian.
I'm not as cool as you.
You know that.
I can't shoot your friggin' gun! - Alright, point the gun at the machine and shoot it.
You hit that machine, you're gonna be a lot cooler than you are now.
Shoot it! - I told you I'm not cool enough, Julian.
- Man, I'll shoot the gun.
- No, he's doing it Corey.
You shoot that machine, or you're never hanging ou t with me again.
Now shoot it.
Put the gun up, be confident and squeeze the trigger.
- Okay, Julian.
- Shoot it.
- I'll do it.
- Shoot it! - See? Didn't that feel good ? - Holy shit! - Good boy, good boy.
Alright, enough of that.
Alright, boys, get the money , then you can have some gum I said get the money first, guys.
- Ricky, you're not smokin g old foot hash, are you? - Bubs, look at this fucking hash oil here.
I'm not gonna waste it.
It's awesome.
Fuck off, dog.
Bubs? - Two-Four! - Listen, buddy.
I know what's gonna cheer up my dad I know where his old rig sleeper is We should tow it here, set it up for him.
He can sleep in that.
- His rig sleeper? , - Yeah, you know the thing o n the back of his old 18-wheeler he used to sleep in on the road? Bring that here, man.
That'd be perfect.
- That's a fucking great idea.
Ricky, my friend, Shitty Bill, he could probably tow it here for us.
- Shitty Bill? - He's a friend of mine from cart salvaging.
Pooped himself when he was a little guy and the name kind of stuck Don't call him Shitty Bill , though.
Can I do the gears, Shitty ? Which one is it? Right here? Alright.
- Shitty, why the fuck is this taking so long? - Get her up there, Shitty - Check it out, buddy.
It's awesome.
- Are you sure he's gonna like it? - Trust me, he'll fucking love it.
- Well, we're gonna be going to, uh, a strip club.
, They got a bunch of those gambling machines those VLT things, and what we're gonna do, is just pump them up with mone y and then, uh, cash them out.
- Listen, Jules, don't tell Rick this, man.
It's so much easier to work with you.
Way better for concentration and stuff.
- It really is, man.
- Because you're doing a good job, boys.
Alright? Listen, I think it's time here Come on, slap my hands.
- You go first, Corey.
- Come on, don't leave me hanging here, boys.
Slapping hands, it's a reward.
You don't be doing this all the time, okay? You look like dicks.
When I say hands up, it's cool Got it? - It's cool, man.
- Alright.
Alright, what's not cool is going in the front door of these places, okay? They're greasy.
You don't wanna be seen.
Alright? - Hey, that's Lahey.
- What the fuck is he doing here? Ah, man, don't tell me there's male dancers in there.
- No, man, that's every second Tuesday and Thursday, Julian You guys want more gum? - Let's make some money, boys.
(music) Let's go.
Come on, let's go.
- Julian's so smart to come up with this plan.
, We basically take all of these quarters dump them in the machine.
- Cash it out, take the winning ticket, get that winning ticket photocopied, then you go to a bunch of different taverns around town and cash it out.
I mean, it's perfect.
- We're not even breaking the law.
Photocopying isn't against the law.
It's the perfect plan.
- Make a few hundred bucks today easily.
In about two hours - Oh, my fuck.
Look who's got the gambling bug, eh, Julian So, buddy, Julian, Julian, c'mere.
Couldn't loan the guy in the chair a couple of quarters, could you, buddy? - I'm working here.
I have no money.
Okay? - Julian, if you don't wanna give the guy in the chair a couple of quarters, the guy who just lost his trailer, forget it, man.
- You don't get it, okay? These machines are put in here by the government to take money from people, okay? They just want welfare cheques back, Ray, and it's working.
- I know what's going on, okay ? I mean, nobody has to tell me what's going on.
I like to play the VLTs.
There's nothing wrong with that.
If the guy upstairs didn't want us to play the VLTs, he wouldn't have created the m in the first place.
All creation is because of the big guy upstairs.
- Good man, Ray.
Get out of here.
Go drink, watch some dancers, okay? (tires squealing) - That's Ricky.
What the fuc k is Ricky doing here? He's gonna fuck up our whole program, you guys.
- Maybe he's buying groceries.
- You mean he's taking fucking groceries! He's using our fucking shit! - What's this? What's going on? Are you cutting our hustle , mafuckers? - It's for my dad, alright ? So chill out.
There's nothing you can do about this.
- We're the ones who gank groceries up in this park.
- J-Roc, I don't wanna be fucking ganking groceries I feel really guilty , about the whole "burning Ray's trailer down" thing that I did so, I mean, I don't really have a choice Anything Ricky wants me to do, I'm gonna have to do it.
- Go on! e - This is awesome, buddy.
Set my dad up with some booz and some food.
He'll be happy as fuck.
Bubs, we gotta get these bin s out of here, man! Cops! - Alright, Ricky.
Ricky! - Fuck.
- Here.
- Deal with that.
- I come in peace, Bubbles .
No bullshit.
Where'd you get the groceries? - I can't talk about that, Mr.
Lahey.
I'm just trying to help Ray ou t a little bit.
'Cause I burned his trailer down.
That's all.
Look, I'll sell you a tub, too .
I'm not worried about that Look, 12 bucks for all those .
If you're interested.
- Yeah.
Thanks, Bubbles.
Listen, from a friend to a friend, all this grocery business, watch yourself.
- This is a good little scam .
You can do this scam a couple of times a year and get away with it.
I got Corey and Trevor in there now.
They're, uh, printing off the tickets.
You know, those guys are doing a pretty good job.
I think maybe those guys will end up doing okay for themselves, you know? - Julian, check them out! They look like the real thing.
And we got suckers.
- Right on.
- Ah, goddammit.
- What the fuck is going on, Ricky? Know what I'm saying? - Nothing's going on, J-Roc.
Hey, Trin.
- Don't throw those at people, Trinity.
- Why you're disrespecting m e like that, dawg? (everyone talking at once) Off my turf, mothafucker! Groceries is my turf! - You arseholes! Fuck off! - That's whack! - You a big tough guy now I'll show you a fucking tough guy.
(dog barking) - Ricky, you crazy, mafucker ! - Get down, man, get down! - I don't care now! (bottles smashing) (screaming) - What the fuck?! (screaming) - Right on, Trin! Right on ! (screaming) - Get their children to go hom e somewhere! For chrissake! - Get a hold of your child , Ricky! You're a whack dad! - What are we doing here, Julian? - We're setting Ray up.
Everything went well today We made a lot of money.
So right now, we're picking up a few things for Ray, because he lost the traile r and everything.
So we're just gonna get some things to help him out.
- Oh, yeah, that's awesome, buddy.
- Yeah.
- Listen, Bubs, e we gotta do one more job.
We have to rob the liquor stor to get some booze for the old man.
I promised him.
- Ricky, can we not rob the liquor store, please? - Bubbles, it's not a big deal .
It'll take about five minutes.
I promised him we're gonna get him fucking wasted tonight We're gonna get drunk as fuck.
Come on, man.
- Fuck, boys.
Look at my fucking trailer - Dad, back in your chair.
What are you doing? People'll see you.
- He is wasted, Ricky.
- Fuck, boys.
- Check this out.
How's that for a fucking bed to sleep in, huh? - Whoa, now whoa.
Whoa, that's the sleeper from my '72 White Western Star Where the fuck did you get this, boy? - Down at the dump.
- Oh, fuck.
- Get in, Dad, check it out.
It's awesome.
Bubs helped me out, 'cause he felt guilty with the trailer stuff, so he's a fucking good guy - We got Shitty Bill to tow it down here.
It's yours.
This is where you can stay - I can guaran-fucking-tee you Julian's not gonna do any better than this.
Fuck Julian.
- Yo, Ray, check this out.
dude! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Trevor, Trevor, what the fuck are you doing? - We got stuff.
It's awesome .
- Corey, Trevor.
- Check this - - In the car.
Fifty fucking feet.
In the car, both of youse.
Stay! - Julian, you better get those guys away from me.
I'm fucking serious.
- Where'd you find this piece of shit, boys? - Julian, we worked all da y to get this thing here.
- Piece of shit, is it? - You left the driveway? I'm out working my ass off with these idiots and you leave the fucking driveway.
- Why don't you watch the fucking driveway? At least my old man has a plac e to lay his head tonight, 'cause of me.
You don't give a fuck about him, you just care about his liquor .
- Oh, I don't, do I? Ray, guess what I got you, buddy? - Jack-shit.
- Army tent.
You got me an army-issue tent, that is? - Got you pots, pans, cots .
All the necessities, Rick.
- All the what? - Necessities.
You don't know what that means , do you? - Yeah, maybe I do.
Maybe I don't.
Maybe I don't give a fuck about your big goddamn self-helper-book words that you're taking and spitting out of your mouth - Good boy.
Car.
- Trevor, get the fuck away from me.
- Ray, buddy, here you go, man .
- Jesus.
Thanks, buddy.
Thought of everything.
It's not from me, it's from Ricky.
He told m e to pick it up for you.
- You got this for the old man Fuckin' love you, man.
- Yeah, I guess I did.
I'm gonna want half of that, though, if that's alright.
- Oh, I'm gonna be alone for a while now, boys.
- Fuck, Julian, I'm sorry, man I start shooting off my fucking mouth and acting like an idiot.
I'm fucked in the head, you know that.
I'm sorry.
That's fucking great, what you did for my dad, man Thanks.
- Alright.
Alright.
- Especially that rum.
- Rick, let's just concentrate on the driveway, okay? We'll set the tent up there.
I've got some tarps.
We can put it over the driveway.
Protect it from rain and shit, alright? - My fuck, you're smart, man - Omigod.
- Fuck.
- Hey, Jules.
- Hey, Sarah.
What, it's only temporary, okay? - I didn't say anything.
- Ray, like, I am so sorry about this mess.
I'm as much to blame as Ricky.
Like, it's just - - Lucy, Lucy.
Come on in for some drinks - He had nothing to do with this.
- Well, I mean, he was with me when it happened.
- No, he wasn't.
He was sleeping.
He didn't see any of this.
- Sleeping? We were banging behind the muffler place.
We came back, the place was up in smoke and there was nothing we could do.
It was just a shell.
There was flames everywhere - - Ricky, what? What is she talking about, Rick? - Thinking back, it probably would've been a good idea to tell Lucy that I didn't tell everybody that we burned the trailer down.
Then it was too late, and, I mean, Lucy really fucked me around - Rick? - Ricky, what does she mean? - Alright.
I fucked up, Dad.
I'm sorry.
, I mean, we were having a BBQ and the potatoes got fucked up so I came in here to make us some french fries and Lucy started doing stuff to me and the next thing I knew, we were at the muffler sho p and stuff was happening there.
The cops came and I got back here, the trailer was golfing flames.
There was nothing I could do - The trailer was golfing with flames? - Yeah, like flames fucking golfing, golfing, golfing out the roof, out the fucking door.
It was golfing.
There was nothing I could do You know I would've saved it if I could, Dad.
I mean, the big thing is, the trailer burned down.
I don't really think it matter s who fucking did it.
It's gone.
And whether it was me or Bubbles, who fucking cares.
And really, it's kind of Bubbles's fault anyways He cooked fries in the first place.
, If Bubbles hadn't cooked the fries in the first place I wouldn't have had the idea to cook the fries.
Come on, buddy, who's got your belly? - Ricky, you don't touch my belly.
This is the most fucked-up thing you've ever done to me Hands down.
- No, it's not.
Look, you started taking the blame and I didn't want you to, but you did.
You're my best friend, so I gotta let you.
That's what best friends do to each other.
- That doesn't make any fucking sense, Ricky.
Maybe in your head it does .
- There's also a good chance that you gotta blame the thing up here.
'Cause you know what that works like.
Not good And you know I would never intentionall y fucking hurt my friends, buddy Come on.
Let's have a drink.
- Ricky, I don't think I can ever forgive you.
That's it.
I think we're done.
- Bubbles, don't talk like that.
- I think we're done.
- Come on, give me a hug, buddy.
- I don't want a hug.
You're never getting a hug from me again.
No more hugs.
- Nice going, Ricky.
- Julian - - No, don't.
Don't give me.
.
No more shit, alright? You better start thinking of a way of making this up to him You got it? For fucksakes, Ricky.
- Dad, please - - Fuck, Ricky.
- I'll get drunk with - - Rick, you lied to the old man.
You lied to the guy in the chair, Rick.
You lied to the guy in the fucking chair, man.
- We still got your back, dude - Corey, when I look up again, you better be 50 fucking feet away.
- See you later, Corey.
- Later, Trevor.
- Ah fuck!