Turbo FAST (2013) s01e02 Episode Script
Dungball Derby; Ace of Race
1 # - Whoa! - Woo! # Those snails are fast - # Turbo - F-A-S-T # That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - # Those snails are fast - Turbo # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast Turbo Has anyone seen my torque wrench? How could you be looking for a torque wrench when it's Dungball Derby time?! - Oh.
You really like that game? - What's not to like? Two teams.
Two goal holes.
One rule: score any way you can.
Uh, you do know the game's not till tomorrow.
But the teams arrive today! And I'm gonna get to meet my hero! Star of the world-champion Heavy Rollers, Dash Dunghammer! - Is he gonna stop that? - Don't try to contain this train.
Yeah, that boy's been a Dunghead since forever.
They really need to come up with a better name for their fans.
Are you Dungheads ready?! This is it, the moment I've always dreamt of.
Dash Dunghammer always picks a local Dunghead to play in the Derby.
- I know he's gonna pick - Turbo! How would you like to be the lucky snail to play for our esteemed rivals, the Stinkers? While I'm flattered, I think I'm going to have to decline your invitation to play with dung.
However, I know a real Dunghead who would be thrilled Dash, sir, it's my lifelong dream to play in the Derby, - and lead the Stinkers to victory! - Victory? You make me laugh.
Laugh now, you'll be crying when the Stinkers take you down.
Shadow, these guys are undefeated, remember? - They're 77 and oh, right? - After tomorrow, it'll be 77 and one.
I like your spirit.
Stink away, bro! Uh.
Shadow does know this sport is completely fake and that the Stinkers intentionally lose to the Rollers every single time, right? - Nope.
- Hasn't got a clue.
You are going down! It's Dungball Derby day here at Starlight Speedway, and the excitement in the air is palpable.
Assuming the word "palpable" means stinky.
Ah, the sweet, sweet smell of fertilizer.
Takes you back to your old tomato patch, huh, garden snail? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
And, speaking of stench, here come the Stinkers, led by special guest Stinker, White Shadow! Boo! Boo! What? It's fun to "boo.
" Right, Boo? Ladies and gentleman, you know them as Kings of the Ring, the Unbeatable Beetles, the Dunghill Dominators, or maybe you don't, because I just made those names up.
Here are the Heavy Rollers! Are you ready to Dungball?! What? I can't hear you! You ready to get "Hammered?" - I love you.
- What? - I mean I'm ready.
Like a shadow.
- What? Dash hammers home a goal and the goalie! Did you see that?! You just got Flea-Flickered! Lucky! Now shake it off and let's get some payback! Oops! How can Shadow not realize his team is throwing the game? We're talking about the same Shadow who still believes in the Tomato Fairy, right? Ah, yeah.
Point taken.
Mud-bath.
Party of one! Come on, Stinkers! Let's take it to 'em! - Follow me! - This guy.
What's this? It looks like the enormous Stinker is making a move.
Well, I'll be a son-of-a-dung.
Mark one for the Stinkers.
- Now you've gone and dung it.
- Uh-oh.
Oh, come on! This "fake" game is starting to make me real angry.
And that obnoxious sound signals the end of the first half.
I will not let a member of my crew be mocked like this.
That was brutal.
We can't just let him keep taking a beating like that.
- One of us has to tell him the game is fake.
- Smoove will do it and the truth will set him F to-the-R to-the-double-E.
OK, I'll hide in the shadows, while you pull a dung-dinger.
- That's not a thing.
- That's why they won't be expecting it! OK, Smoove, tell him.
Oh, hey, guys! Did you see me out there?! This is the best, most perfect day of my whole life! Smoove takes it back.
The truth will C to-the-R to-the-USH him.
OK, I'll take it from here.
Shadow, there is something I need to tell you about the game.
Is it that we should play zone defense in the second half? - Uh, no.
- Is it the location of our victory party? - Not exactly.
- Is it that you're proud of me? Uh Actually, Turbo has something he wanted to say.
First, we are all very proud of you, but, um, the thing you need to know is Sorry! Gotta go warm up.
Livin' the dream! Living the dream - # Dream # - That didn't go as planned.
Guys! I think I know a way to let Shadow play and stop the Rollers from picking on him.
Now I'm not sure what happened in that locker room at halftime, but it appears the big Stinker may have eaten the rest of his team.
- No, wait, what's this?! - What are you guys doing here? Well, we didn't want you to have all the dung fun.
Turbo! Turbo! The Hammer's always happy to have another celebrity on the field.
And I'm gonna nail you.
You better watch out, Dash, because these Stinkers won't stink.
Sure, they do.
They stink of fear! It looks like the F.
A.
S.
T.
crew will be subbing in for the rest of the Stinkers, which only furthers my theory that the Stinkers have indeed been eaten.
Oh, it is on like We're really playing with dung, huh? Whoa! Just so you know, the Hammer don't stop pounding till the final buzzer.
Looks like there's a new butt for Dash's jokes.
Well, this butt's gonna make his butt feel like the the new butt of my jokes about butts.
Look, it made sense in my head.
OK, I'll keep Dash occupied.
You guys do the rest! It's goal-hole time! The Stinkers are mounting a comeback! - Awesomeness.
- Wow! A high-flying, death-defying, 360 slam-dung by Turbo to tie up the game! With only seconds left! This is your moment, big guy! Rollers win! Rollers win! Oh, what an incredible finish! Shadow, buddy, I am sorry.
I know you wanted to win, but Win? Me? Any real Dunghead knows that everyone is here to see the Rollers win.
I was just playing my part! What an exciting match, eh, folks? We barely "hammered" out a win.
Shadow, you're the best Stinker we ever faced.
- Sorry about knocking out your tooth.
- Oh, that's OK.
I'll put it under my pillow for the Tomato Fairy.
Tomato Fairy.
Well, see ya next time we're in town.
All right! Bye! Good to see you! W-What just happened? Guys, I need to know, did you join the game because you thought I didn't know it was fake? - Well, um - How dumb do you think I am? Come on - Look, Shadow, we're - The best friends in the world! Uh! More like the stankiest friends in the world.
What do you say we all go hit the tomato juice showers and get rid of this "ugh"? Not me.
I just want to savor this moment a little bit longer.
Wait! Is this just a giant ball of Go! Go! Go! Go! Almost there! Almost - Hey, Turbo! - Oh! Now I gotta this get gum out my sub-woofer.
- Dang, Boo! - No time to chat, sweetie.
- I need to talk to Turbo right away.
- What's wrong? - Can I borrow your racing shell? - Where's your shell? - I lost it.
- Did you try retracing your steps? - On a bet.
- On a bet?! You better explain.
I was doing my usual morning safety patrol, when I noticed a crowd around this Ace Gecko character.
I'm not saying Turbo isn't fast, my friends, for a snail.
I'm just saying that yours truly is faster.
So you challenged him to defend my honor.
Not exactly.
I could beat any of those F.
A.
S.
T.
crew guys.
- Sir, one of those "guys" is a lady.
- Ooh.
Really? Not much in the looks department, huh? - So you raced him to defend my honor? - No, no.
Folks, all I'm saying is, there's a natural order of things, and we lizards are up here, and snails are down here.
It's just science.
Right, Dump Truck? - I'm an ambulance.
- Ooh.
Really? 'Cause you look more like a brightly painted garbage truck.
Garbage? I'm in charge of safety in this city! You don't look that safe to me.
Oh! It was a safety race.
Once around the park.
Each of us carrying a bird egg.
If it cracked, we lost.
I was ahead, but then some snail crossed right in front of me.
So I turned on my siren to get him out of my way and the vibrations Bad break, huh? - OK, I'll go get your shell back.
- Wait.
There's more.
Gecko already gave me a chance to win my shell back.
Double or nothing on who could hold their breath longer under water.
- You know how good I am at that.
- It's true.
He is.
But as it turns out, Gecko is just his name.
He's really a newt which means He's an amphibian.
With gills.
Whose shell did you lose? Mine?! No way.
That's it, bro, I'm gonna go set this guy straight.
- Don't do it, garden snail.
- Why not? - Gecko hustled your brother, right? - Yeah.
- Your older, smarter brother? - Hey! - You left out "better looking.
" - If you go out there, he'll hustle you.
No, he won't.
Because I have a plan.
- Which is? - My plan is to not get hustled.
That is not a plan.
That is an unrealistically vague goal statement.
Uh! You didn't let me finish.
My plan is to not get hustled by refusing to race.
No matter what Ace says.
No race, no hustle.
Just that simple.
Garden snail, the only thing that's simple here is you.
Yeah, simple like a fox.
The thing is that there are lots of kinds of speed, folks.
Sprint speed.
Long distance speed.
Me, I got sneaky speed.
I prefer my kind: "blazing fast.
" - Hey, you brought my shell.
- It's not yours.
It's mine.
If this is the famous "Turbo," then consider me underwhelmed.
Oh, sorry, it's just that I had heard you were, you know fast.
- That didn't seem fast to you? - Mm I won the Indy 500, you know.
Everyone saw it.
- There's the trophy.
- Yeah, on TV.
Haven't you heard of a little thing called "special effects?" Yeah, you're right.
I didn't think of that.
- We saw him beat a tiger beetle.
- Was it Hardcase? That chump! I lapped him last time we raced.
Really? Turbo just barely beat him.
I'll tell you what.
I'll give you a chance to win your shell back.
- The race.
Double or nothing.
- Not gonna happen.
- Oh, come on! No! - Are you scared you're gonna lose? - No.
- Great.
So you'll race me.
- No.
- Yeah, Turbo's got nothing to prove.
Except, you know, that he is faster than the Gecko.
Stop trying to help, pal.
I got this.
Folks, this guy's a con man.
He'll want some crazy race that's rigged so he can win.
Ouch.
That hurts me.
How about we just race from here to that fountain? No tricks? No turns? No special rules? Of course not.
We'll set up a finish line.
First to break the tape wins.
- Yeah.
A tape made of salt! - No.
- Rusty nails? - Rusty nails? A tape made of rusty nails? Oh, listen to yourself.
Now, do we race or not? Race Ace! Race Ace! Race Ace! Race Ace! Race Ace! No.
Nope.
Never.
Not gonna happen.
OK, I'll just take my shell then.
- How's it come off? - Hey! Is there a lever? No reason to be scared.
- I'm not scared of you.
- You just won't race me.
- What time is the race? - Sundown.
But I wasn't hustled! No curves or jumps or special rules.
Just a straight line? Something ain't right.
What do you think, Whiplash? Don't ask me.
Turbo's on his own.
He's got "a plan.
" And it worked.
He can't beat me in this race.
He doesn't plan to.
After you left, that guy in the crowd with the weird eyes started taking bets.
- He bet against me? - No! He was the only one betting for you.
Everyone else bet on Ace Gecko.
Man, the fans are fickle! Then I White Shadowed him to the edge of town.
Where he met Ace Gecko.
They were working together? Yes! It was all a setup.
Ace is gonna throw the race so all the people who bet on him - are gonna lose all their tomatoes! - No! Not all the tomatoes! The lifeblood of the city! OK, there's only one thing to do.
- Turbo has to lose that race.
- I can do that.
I'll just go slow.
Oh, sure, you will.
Just like you weren't going to race.
A few well-placed shell cracks will slow you down.
Let's not go crazy here.
Ahem! You wanna learn to go slow? I'm your snail.
The key to slowness is what I call Catastrophic Visualization.
You look ahead and imagine every possible danger.
- Go ahead.
Try.
- Phew! - I got nothing.
- See that little crack in the track? Now, imagine that it turns into a giant sinkhole, and it swallows you, and you fall hundreds of feet into an underground salt cavern.
- You really worry about this stuff? - You wanna go slow or not? You have to be afraid of everything.
Like that shiny patch of grass.
Maybe it's slippery, and you're going too fast, as usual.
You go flying out of control, ramp off a passing turtle, land in a busy street where you can get wedged in the groove of a tire of a passing semi-truck on a cross-country journey, ending up in a cattle yard somewhere in Oklahoma! OK, that was marginally helpful and incredibly disturbing.
You want disturbing? Ever wonder how many of those stars are really meteors heading straight for us? It's a wonderful evening for a walk in the park, but a race has broken out, so I'll be your announcer, Mel Shellman.
- You ready to lose? - Sure am.
- Huh? - On your marks.
Get set.
Go! Both racers using a very unorthodox style.
- Oh, I guess you're on to me.
- Care to out-slow a snail? I can do this all day.
But this has gotta be tough for you, hm? Speed is in your DNA.
You live for it.
See? You're a born winner, which makes you the loser.
Now, brother! Go to your scaredy place! Thanks, Super Turbo! Ah! It's not working! I'm too dang positive! That's it.
Be true to yourself.
Feel the need.
The need for speed.
- Don't do it, Turbo.
- I thought I was "on my own.
" Just 'cause you're acting like a fool doesn't mean I shouldn't have your back.
- Thank you.
- Gotta get behind a guy sometimes.
Give a man a push in the right direction.
OK, I feel like you're trying to tell me something.
Just get behind that slippery lizard and push him across the finish line! Make him win! Duh, right! Oh! You can't do this! It's against the rules.
- What rules? - But if I win You won't be able to cover all those bets your buddy made.
But if you were to call the race off, - and give Chet back his shell - Oh.
No way.
Boy, that finish line sure is getting close.
Fine! OK! The race is off! All bets are off! Sorry, folks.
Hurt my leg.
I mean, we all know I would have Whoa! - Yay! I get my shell back! - Aw, I sort liked you "au naturel.
" Aw, yeah! I'm sorry I didn't listen to you from the beginning.
Yeah, you are.
But I guess I learned I can't turn my back on you - every time you do something stupid.
- Come on.
Victory tomato party at the track! Let's go! - Breakneck? - Whiplash.
- I should've known you were behind this.
- I guess you're slowing down.
See you around.
Duh, duh, duh
You really like that game? - What's not to like? Two teams.
Two goal holes.
One rule: score any way you can.
Uh, you do know the game's not till tomorrow.
But the teams arrive today! And I'm gonna get to meet my hero! Star of the world-champion Heavy Rollers, Dash Dunghammer! - Is he gonna stop that? - Don't try to contain this train.
Yeah, that boy's been a Dunghead since forever.
They really need to come up with a better name for their fans.
Are you Dungheads ready?! This is it, the moment I've always dreamt of.
Dash Dunghammer always picks a local Dunghead to play in the Derby.
- I know he's gonna pick - Turbo! How would you like to be the lucky snail to play for our esteemed rivals, the Stinkers? While I'm flattered, I think I'm going to have to decline your invitation to play with dung.
However, I know a real Dunghead who would be thrilled Dash, sir, it's my lifelong dream to play in the Derby, - and lead the Stinkers to victory! - Victory? You make me laugh.
Laugh now, you'll be crying when the Stinkers take you down.
Shadow, these guys are undefeated, remember? - They're 77 and oh, right? - After tomorrow, it'll be 77 and one.
I like your spirit.
Stink away, bro! Uh.
Shadow does know this sport is completely fake and that the Stinkers intentionally lose to the Rollers every single time, right? - Nope.
- Hasn't got a clue.
You are going down! It's Dungball Derby day here at Starlight Speedway, and the excitement in the air is palpable.
Assuming the word "palpable" means stinky.
Ah, the sweet, sweet smell of fertilizer.
Takes you back to your old tomato patch, huh, garden snail? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
And, speaking of stench, here come the Stinkers, led by special guest Stinker, White Shadow! Boo! Boo! What? It's fun to "boo.
" Right, Boo? Ladies and gentleman, you know them as Kings of the Ring, the Unbeatable Beetles, the Dunghill Dominators, or maybe you don't, because I just made those names up.
Here are the Heavy Rollers! Are you ready to Dungball?! What? I can't hear you! You ready to get "Hammered?" - I love you.
- What? - I mean I'm ready.
Like a shadow.
- What? Dash hammers home a goal and the goalie! Did you see that?! You just got Flea-Flickered! Lucky! Now shake it off and let's get some payback! Oops! How can Shadow not realize his team is throwing the game? We're talking about the same Shadow who still believes in the Tomato Fairy, right? Ah, yeah.
Point taken.
Mud-bath.
Party of one! Come on, Stinkers! Let's take it to 'em! - Follow me! - This guy.
What's this? It looks like the enormous Stinker is making a move.
Well, I'll be a son-of-a-dung.
Mark one for the Stinkers.
- Now you've gone and dung it.
- Uh-oh.
Oh, come on! This "fake" game is starting to make me real angry.
And that obnoxious sound signals the end of the first half.
I will not let a member of my crew be mocked like this.
That was brutal.
We can't just let him keep taking a beating like that.
- One of us has to tell him the game is fake.
- Smoove will do it and the truth will set him F to-the-R to-the-double-E.
OK, I'll hide in the shadows, while you pull a dung-dinger.
- That's not a thing.
- That's why they won't be expecting it! OK, Smoove, tell him.
Oh, hey, guys! Did you see me out there?! This is the best, most perfect day of my whole life! Smoove takes it back.
The truth will C to-the-R to-the-USH him.
OK, I'll take it from here.
Shadow, there is something I need to tell you about the game.
Is it that we should play zone defense in the second half? - Uh, no.
- Is it the location of our victory party? - Not exactly.
- Is it that you're proud of me? Uh Actually, Turbo has something he wanted to say.
First, we are all very proud of you, but, um, the thing you need to know is Sorry! Gotta go warm up.
Livin' the dream! Living the dream - # Dream # - That didn't go as planned.
Guys! I think I know a way to let Shadow play and stop the Rollers from picking on him.
Now I'm not sure what happened in that locker room at halftime, but it appears the big Stinker may have eaten the rest of his team.
- No, wait, what's this?! - What are you guys doing here? Well, we didn't want you to have all the dung fun.
Turbo! Turbo! The Hammer's always happy to have another celebrity on the field.
And I'm gonna nail you.
You better watch out, Dash, because these Stinkers won't stink.
Sure, they do.
They stink of fear! It looks like the F.
A.
S.
T.
crew will be subbing in for the rest of the Stinkers, which only furthers my theory that the Stinkers have indeed been eaten.
Oh, it is on like We're really playing with dung, huh? Whoa! Just so you know, the Hammer don't stop pounding till the final buzzer.
Looks like there's a new butt for Dash's jokes.
Well, this butt's gonna make his butt feel like the the new butt of my jokes about butts.
Look, it made sense in my head.
OK, I'll keep Dash occupied.
You guys do the rest! It's goal-hole time! The Stinkers are mounting a comeback! - Awesomeness.
- Wow! A high-flying, death-defying, 360 slam-dung by Turbo to tie up the game! With only seconds left! This is your moment, big guy! Rollers win! Rollers win! Oh, what an incredible finish! Shadow, buddy, I am sorry.
I know you wanted to win, but Win? Me? Any real Dunghead knows that everyone is here to see the Rollers win.
I was just playing my part! What an exciting match, eh, folks? We barely "hammered" out a win.
Shadow, you're the best Stinker we ever faced.
- Sorry about knocking out your tooth.
- Oh, that's OK.
I'll put it under my pillow for the Tomato Fairy.
Tomato Fairy.
Well, see ya next time we're in town.
All right! Bye! Good to see you! W-What just happened? Guys, I need to know, did you join the game because you thought I didn't know it was fake? - Well, um - How dumb do you think I am? Come on - Look, Shadow, we're - The best friends in the world! Uh! More like the stankiest friends in the world.
What do you say we all go hit the tomato juice showers and get rid of this "ugh"? Not me.
I just want to savor this moment a little bit longer.
Wait! Is this just a giant ball of Go! Go! Go! Go! Almost there! Almost - Hey, Turbo! - Oh! Now I gotta this get gum out my sub-woofer.
- Dang, Boo! - No time to chat, sweetie.
- I need to talk to Turbo right away.
- What's wrong? - Can I borrow your racing shell? - Where's your shell? - I lost it.
- Did you try retracing your steps? - On a bet.
- On a bet?! You better explain.
I was doing my usual morning safety patrol, when I noticed a crowd around this Ace Gecko character.
I'm not saying Turbo isn't fast, my friends, for a snail.
I'm just saying that yours truly is faster.
So you challenged him to defend my honor.
Not exactly.
I could beat any of those F.
A.
S.
T.
crew guys.
- Sir, one of those "guys" is a lady.
- Ooh.
Really? Not much in the looks department, huh? - So you raced him to defend my honor? - No, no.
Folks, all I'm saying is, there's a natural order of things, and we lizards are up here, and snails are down here.
It's just science.
Right, Dump Truck? - I'm an ambulance.
- Ooh.
Really? 'Cause you look more like a brightly painted garbage truck.
Garbage? I'm in charge of safety in this city! You don't look that safe to me.
Oh! It was a safety race.
Once around the park.
Each of us carrying a bird egg.
If it cracked, we lost.
I was ahead, but then some snail crossed right in front of me.
So I turned on my siren to get him out of my way and the vibrations Bad break, huh? - OK, I'll go get your shell back.
- Wait.
There's more.
Gecko already gave me a chance to win my shell back.
Double or nothing on who could hold their breath longer under water.
- You know how good I am at that.
- It's true.
He is.
But as it turns out, Gecko is just his name.
He's really a newt which means He's an amphibian.
With gills.
Whose shell did you lose? Mine?! No way.
That's it, bro, I'm gonna go set this guy straight.
- Don't do it, garden snail.
- Why not? - Gecko hustled your brother, right? - Yeah.
- Your older, smarter brother? - Hey! - You left out "better looking.
" - If you go out there, he'll hustle you.
No, he won't.
Because I have a plan.
- Which is? - My plan is to not get hustled.
That is not a plan.
That is an unrealistically vague goal statement.
Uh! You didn't let me finish.
My plan is to not get hustled by refusing to race.
No matter what Ace says.
No race, no hustle.
Just that simple.
Garden snail, the only thing that's simple here is you.
Yeah, simple like a fox.
The thing is that there are lots of kinds of speed, folks.
Sprint speed.
Long distance speed.
Me, I got sneaky speed.
I prefer my kind: "blazing fast.
" - Hey, you brought my shell.
- It's not yours.
It's mine.
If this is the famous "Turbo," then consider me underwhelmed.
Oh, sorry, it's just that I had heard you were, you know fast.
- That didn't seem fast to you? - Mm I won the Indy 500, you know.
Everyone saw it.
- There's the trophy.
- Yeah, on TV.
Haven't you heard of a little thing called "special effects?" Yeah, you're right.
I didn't think of that.
- We saw him beat a tiger beetle.
- Was it Hardcase? That chump! I lapped him last time we raced.
Really? Turbo just barely beat him.
I'll tell you what.
I'll give you a chance to win your shell back.
- The race.
Double or nothing.
- Not gonna happen.
- Oh, come on! No! - Are you scared you're gonna lose? - No.
- Great.
So you'll race me.
- No.
- Yeah, Turbo's got nothing to prove.
Except, you know, that he is faster than the Gecko.
Stop trying to help, pal.
I got this.
Folks, this guy's a con man.
He'll want some crazy race that's rigged so he can win.
Ouch.
That hurts me.
How about we just race from here to that fountain? No tricks? No turns? No special rules? Of course not.
We'll set up a finish line.
First to break the tape wins.
- Yeah.
A tape made of salt! - No.
- Rusty nails? - Rusty nails? A tape made of rusty nails? Oh, listen to yourself.
Now, do we race or not? Race Ace! Race Ace! Race Ace! Race Ace! Race Ace! No.
Nope.
Never.
Not gonna happen.
OK, I'll just take my shell then.
- How's it come off? - Hey! Is there a lever? No reason to be scared.
- I'm not scared of you.
- You just won't race me.
- What time is the race? - Sundown.
But I wasn't hustled! No curves or jumps or special rules.
Just a straight line? Something ain't right.
What do you think, Whiplash? Don't ask me.
Turbo's on his own.
He's got "a plan.
" And it worked.
He can't beat me in this race.
He doesn't plan to.
After you left, that guy in the crowd with the weird eyes started taking bets.
- He bet against me? - No! He was the only one betting for you.
Everyone else bet on Ace Gecko.
Man, the fans are fickle! Then I White Shadowed him to the edge of town.
Where he met Ace Gecko.
They were working together? Yes! It was all a setup.
Ace is gonna throw the race so all the people who bet on him - are gonna lose all their tomatoes! - No! Not all the tomatoes! The lifeblood of the city! OK, there's only one thing to do.
- Turbo has to lose that race.
- I can do that.
I'll just go slow.
Oh, sure, you will.
Just like you weren't going to race.
A few well-placed shell cracks will slow you down.
Let's not go crazy here.
Ahem! You wanna learn to go slow? I'm your snail.
The key to slowness is what I call Catastrophic Visualization.
You look ahead and imagine every possible danger.
- Go ahead.
Try.
- Phew! - I got nothing.
- See that little crack in the track? Now, imagine that it turns into a giant sinkhole, and it swallows you, and you fall hundreds of feet into an underground salt cavern.
- You really worry about this stuff? - You wanna go slow or not? You have to be afraid of everything.
Like that shiny patch of grass.
Maybe it's slippery, and you're going too fast, as usual.
You go flying out of control, ramp off a passing turtle, land in a busy street where you can get wedged in the groove of a tire of a passing semi-truck on a cross-country journey, ending up in a cattle yard somewhere in Oklahoma! OK, that was marginally helpful and incredibly disturbing.
You want disturbing? Ever wonder how many of those stars are really meteors heading straight for us? It's a wonderful evening for a walk in the park, but a race has broken out, so I'll be your announcer, Mel Shellman.
- You ready to lose? - Sure am.
- Huh? - On your marks.
Get set.
Go! Both racers using a very unorthodox style.
- Oh, I guess you're on to me.
- Care to out-slow a snail? I can do this all day.
But this has gotta be tough for you, hm? Speed is in your DNA.
You live for it.
See? You're a born winner, which makes you the loser.
Now, brother! Go to your scaredy place! Thanks, Super Turbo! Ah! It's not working! I'm too dang positive! That's it.
Be true to yourself.
Feel the need.
The need for speed.
- Don't do it, Turbo.
- I thought I was "on my own.
" Just 'cause you're acting like a fool doesn't mean I shouldn't have your back.
- Thank you.
- Gotta get behind a guy sometimes.
Give a man a push in the right direction.
OK, I feel like you're trying to tell me something.
Just get behind that slippery lizard and push him across the finish line! Make him win! Duh, right! Oh! You can't do this! It's against the rules.
- What rules? - But if I win You won't be able to cover all those bets your buddy made.
But if you were to call the race off, - and give Chet back his shell - Oh.
No way.
Boy, that finish line sure is getting close.
Fine! OK! The race is off! All bets are off! Sorry, folks.
Hurt my leg.
I mean, we all know I would have Whoa! - Yay! I get my shell back! - Aw, I sort liked you "au naturel.
" Aw, yeah! I'm sorry I didn't listen to you from the beginning.
Yeah, you are.
But I guess I learned I can't turn my back on you - every time you do something stupid.
- Come on.
Victory tomato party at the track! Let's go! - Breakneck? - Whiplash.
- I should've known you were behind this.
- I guess you're slowing down.
See you around.
Duh, duh, duh